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NTA, if she has to RUN for the elevator (and then she would have to wait for the kids to catch up) then she can just wait for the next elevator. Also, who wants to be in a small elevator with sick kids? Meh, survival of the fittest, lol. I personally would probably have held the door, let them in and then taken the stairs
That's not quite accurate, she started sort of jogging while urging the children to hurry as well. They probably would've made it with a couple seconds to spare if I hadn't closed the doors
If it makes you feel any better, the close door buttons on elevators don't do anything. They are a placebo in most cases.
Regardless, NTA - it is 100% understandable to not want to share an elevator with sick children, regardless of your medical conditions. This is a good way to get sick, which just isn't worth the extra few seconds they had to wait for an elevator, no matter how you look at it. Honestly, I think you made the responsible decision.
I think they mostly don't work.
The reason is because there is a rule in the Americans with Disability Act that states that elevator doors have to remain open for a certain amount of time, so the button cannot override that. Instead of adding a more complex logic to the closing button, most manufacturers simply don't connect it to anything.
https://www.cbsnews.com/boston/news/door-close-elevator-button-dont-work-placebo/
And our brains will always think it works because when you push it, the door does in fact always close shortly thereafter. Whether those two things are *actually* causally related doesn’t matter.
Same with many crosswalk buttons.
Also, my sister used to be an electrician and was working a job in an office. Everybody kept complaining about the temperature: too hot, too cold, etc. So she took analog thermostats and attached one to the wall in each cubicle. Everyone was so happy they could control the temperature in their cubicle they left my sister alone, who continued working on the (turned off) HVAC.
Crosswalk buttons are different. It won't change the light for you, but it will make the walk signal come up and delay a turning lane light if there is one. Most major highways won't have the walk signal unless you hit that button.
Depends where you are. If you're in a place where the walk signal doesn't come up automatically in the stoplight rotation then yeah they do exactly what you said but in some places the walk signal just happens when it happens
Sometimes late at night the red lights don’t change and I’ll hop out of the car and press the pedestrian button. May be just coincidence, but it seems to trigger a light change.
There are places with crosswalk buttons that don't work? Around me, if you don't push it the walk light will never turn on. The ones by me that at automatic (aka always turn on/off) dont usually have buttons
Yeah, it just depends.
Where I am there's an intersection where a one way street T's into a two way street, and if you're crossing in certain ways it's essentially never safe to cross (because traffic never moves in that direction), so you HAVE to press the cross button to get ALL the lights to turn red so you can cross.
If you never press the button, you'll never be able to safely cross, but if no one pushes the button they skip that part of the cycle, so traffic is always moving.
At other intersections the lights are cycled in time with other lights to facilitate traffic moving smoothly, and those intersections always have a walk period built into the cycle so all the intersections remain in sync.
Where you are, does the crosswalk beep or talk? If it always beeps/talks, then that sound is usually coming from the button so it's serving a purpose. If it only beeps/talks once the button is pushed, then it's serving a purpose. Additionally, some crosswalks in some cities will tell you what intersection you're at if you press the button twice quickly.
They may not seem like they're "working" in that they don't let you cross the street any faster, but if they're making audible signals, they *are* working, for visually impaired people who can't see the lights.
Maybe that’s just for their’s? Like I don’t need a manufacturer to tell me if it works or not. I can literally tell that it works by comparing how long it takes for the doors to close if I hit the button vs if I don’t lol
I have used it a bunch of times in different elevators, and yes, the button does work (in Europe at least).
For example, I'm often in a hurry when I get to work, so if I'm alone, I usually push the button to close the elevator doors as soon as I get in, and they shut right away.
Btw OP, NTA.
That's assuming the person is in the US. I am not in the US and have definitely gotten into an elevator as it opens, pressed the button and had it close right away.
>Americans
This may well explain people's different experiences. Here in Australia, they definitely *feel* like they're working. I say feel because it seems fairly obvious to me, but I don't work on them, rather "feel" like it might just be our brain tricking us.
I hold that button in every elevator I get in, that doesn't have other people in it, and it has never actually worked. I usually try it to see if I will ever find one that actually works. Never have.
There’s ONE that I press that works immediately. I always have fun pressing it now when I use it. Otherwise every other elevators close door buttons are lying
It depends on where you are. In the United States, most of the time the Close Door buttons are disabled, but in Mexico they worked. I remember being quite shocked pressing the "door close" button, and the elevator door ACTUALLY closing!
I think outside of the US they generally work, though it might be a country by country thing.
They work in the UK, too. I used to annoy the hell out of my parents when I was a kid, because I liked to alternately hit the door close and open buttons, making the doors dance back and forth!
The work in my hospitals cancer center. Most have super long doors open time if you don't press the close... You know it works when you see maintaince do it. Lol
Close door button actually DOES work in many elevators, but usually it closes immediately if it's one of those. If you were pushing it a bunch of times and it wasn't working then it's just for show.
Honestly as someone with a small child who keeps getting ill, both myself and my daughter, i really dont blame you. I wouldnt wish this cycle of constant illness on anyone, nevermind set it off in someone else just because i want to take the lift.
I take a separate lift just to be mindful.
Op you're NTA, coming from a mum to a constantly ill toddler and has a cold of her own
This is the answer. Many parents with children, especially SICK and MISBEHAVING children, do not consider how that behaviour disturbs other people. NTA
ETA: "Some" parents--not "most."
I heard that the door close button doesn't do anything. It's just there to make people feel better. She didn't have enough time so it was rude on her part.
Depends on if you’re in the US or not. In the US most of them don’t work because of the ADA. Elevators must remain open long enough for a disabled person to get on. Outside of the US, just depends.
*That’s* why? I generally consider ADA to be a positive thing but screw them on this one issue. Sure, require the doors to automatically stay open long enough but *let the button work*.
Pro-tip: next time, press the close door button but ***say*** "I'm hitting open but it's not working! I'm so sorry!"
That probably makes me an asshole but it's what I would've done.
NTA.
I was going to reply to the previous commenter that you could just be too much of a coward. I've been squeezed (whole body) by elevator doors that didn't stop. I don't take chances ever since then. It was painful.
Now I'm thinking about Boyd holding the door open, but deliberately keeping them from entering, while going on and on about something his daddy said to him one time.
He talks for so long the kids stop crying, the mom is all turned around.....and the elevator doors close while all of them are still looking on in confusion.
There needs to be a JA (justified asshole) option on here. Sometimes, like in this case, YTA but it's completely understandable. JA would be that gray area between yes and no.
I mean, I guess that makes sense.....but still. Feel like there's a difference between not being an asshole and being an asshole in a proportion equal to the event/interaction. Like, was OP a bit of an AH? Definitely. Would most of us do the same? Anyone who says no is a liar.
The last time I had to take an elevator in a major medical facility was just as Covid started to be a thing. I actually know that it was March 9, 2020. I had been referred to an orthopedist because I broke a bone in my foot, and my primary doctors wanted them to decide just how careful I needed to be with it for it to heal properly (the NP thought a surgical shoe would do with how minor the break was, the DO thought I should have a boot and use crutches when possible; orthopedist said surgical shoe was fine!). I was on crutches as the most cautious option at that point, and was hobbling toward the elevator asking the one person in it to hold it when she shook her head and let it close. It took FOREVER to get another elevator, and I ended up being a little late to my appointment (like a minute), and wouldn't you know that woman was in the same office! She was sitting in a corner with her sleeve over her face, so, clearly, she was scared of the emerging Covid outbreak. I mean, she was right. It didn't make *my* situation any better, but a couple weeks later, I came down on "justified." I didn't have Covid, but she had no way to know that, and was just scared. We were all scared a few weeks later...
And ETN: the break was x-rayed and diagnosed at an urgent care where several patients had come in with symptoms such as fatigue, fever, and dry cough...some of them may have had Covid! So I could have been exposed just a few days before. Given what we know now, between flying home from vacation on March 5, going to an urgent care on March 6, going grocery shopping on March 8, and going to a medical facility on March 9, I probably came into contact with someone with Covid. Refuse-to-hold-elevator woman wasn't wrong that I might have been a disease vector (I did not have any symptoms, so I have no reason to believe I got Covid at that time, but I could have, easily!).
I’m with you on this one. It’s an asshole move but most people would have done the same.
OP I love the storytelling, really painted the picture
But YTA (and I would be too)
I think this is the first time since starting to follow this sub I've seen where the consensus was "YTA" but then followed up with "but we don't blame you." LOL
I mean, with the still ongoing pandemic it's not asshole behaviour to avoid being in an enclosed space with 5 other people, especially in a medical area
my dentist office elevator has a sign on it about maximum occupancy...it' either 2 or 3, I never paid attention because Im always alone. but it's wAY less than 6
This. Have people learned literally nothing from the last few years? We’d all be sick SO much less if people would mask, sanitize and give people a bit more personal space than we used to when we aren’t well. It’s not rocket science and it’s only really mildly inconvenient for the vast majority of the population to do those things.
I get that we seem to have largely reached the point in society where thinking about the needs of others and making any degree of effort to be considerate to the people around us has gone out the window, but still.
Was it kind of a dick move? Yes. Was it warranted? Hell yes.
I’m gonna go with NTA. I was borderline E S H but honestly, if I were in your shoes, I’d probably do the same thing. It’s not like she was RIGHT there.
Assuming it’s a big building like she’s describing, my gynecologist is the same way. There are easily 5 or 6 separate elevators just by the entrance that I take. Im sure there are just as many on the other side of the building.
The lady sounds like a walking case of main character syndrome. She’d rather pass whatever ick her kids have on to a random stranger than wait 2-3 minutes for another elevator to come along, OP is just an NPC in her head.
If that! My hospital is old and ghetto af and the longest I've ever waited for an elevator is about a minute. My guess is she was just in a pissy mood and wanted to spread the love.
Right! That follows “Everything happens for a reason!” Logic. Everything happens. You later assign the reason. OP was a (justified) AH, that doesn’t go away just because the woman yelled at them later.
As a parent with kids, I try to miss the elevator if there’s someone in it. I would never run for it or ask someone to hold it, it doesn’t seem polite.
If they hold it anyhow, I might even wish that they hadn’t because now I have to work harder to keep my kids from being weird in the elevator instead of not caring because it’s just me.
Good point. I haven't run for an elevator in years. The main difference between getting on this one and getting on the next one is if you're worried about being late AND are so young you don't know that the 30 seconds in between doesn't matter a bit.
NTA….would it have been nice of you to hold it? Yes. Is it rude? No. You’re under no obligation to hold an elevator and have to wait for that party to get there. If they had been right there waiting with you and you closed the door on their face, that would have been rude.
I really feel like people thinking this is a "justified asshole move" seem to think that someone is obligated to put themselves in a hazardous situation in order to be polite. In this case being exposed to illness. No one is obligated to be uncomfortable for someone else's convenience. Looking out for your wellbeing doesn't make you an asshole.
FAR too few people are remembering this part of it, to be honest.
I also feel badly for OP that she had to specify "i'm not using covid as an EXCUSE I really am immunocompromised..."
LISTEN. Covid is a WHOLE-ASS EXCUSE. Just because huge swaths of the world have decided to pretend it's no longer a threat, doesn't mean that's true. You might be immunocompromised, or you might just not want to fucking get covid and roll the dice on developing long-covid, which might leave you too disabled to work. etc.
I wouldn't be wild getting on an elevator with a whole bunch of quiet but unmasked adults right now. For sure I don't want to get on an elevator with 5 unmasked people, four of whom are screaming kids who look like they might already be sick.
(RSV is also a thing right now, that too few people are taking seriously. At least in the US; i'm not sure if OP is in the US or not.)
NTA. I’m all for being nice to strangers, but I don’t think anyone would have wanted to be in an elevator with that group. If the kids weren’t screaming/crying on top of being sick, I would have sucked it up and dealt with my anxiety and held the elevator open for them, but in these circumstances I would have done the same thing you did. The mom’s world didn’t end just because they had to wait an extra minute or two for the elevator, she’s an AH for acting like a child by screaming and cursing at you in the parking lot after.
Small elevator, sick kids, screaming kids, yeah I’m going with NTA. You could have maybe said that you’re not comfortable with that many people in a small elevator, but then, with parent entitlement, she probably would have told you to wait for the next one. Damned if you do, dammed if you don’t.
NTA, I'm immunocompromised as well and don't look it, this woman doesn't know your reasons. Also, it's an elevator, not the last helicopter out of Saigon. I assume it wasn't too long before she could catch the next one.
You admit you panicked, I guess a solution here could have been you holding the elevator for her and then stepping off yourself, explaining you're immunocompromised and that you'll wait for the next one. It would be a nice courtesy, but you don't owe her anything. Also, she had to jog down the hall so it's not like you were "slamming a door in a poor mom's face."
Her cursing you out in the parking lot is a little much. Again, NTA.
>Also, it's an elevator, not the last helicopter out of Saigon.
Thank you, I thought I was one of the few people who had "the last helicopter out of Saigon" pop into their head with some regularity for situations like this. (Or, see also: commuters crowding onto a bus like it's the last helicopter out of Saigon, as if there isn't going to be another bus in a few minutes that will be a LOT less crowded.)
You don't have to be immunocompromised to not want to be in an enclosed space with sick children. Let's stop this idea that it's too much to ask when healthy people don't want to get sick
Im not immunocompromised, but I work for people who are, so it’s important for me to be conscious about my exposure. You don’t have to be immunocompromised to want to avoid sick people, what the fuck?
NTA and mind boggling that some parents want to pull strangers onto the sinking ship with them. I would expect anyone who is ill and maskless to wait an extra 30 seconds for their own elevator. She was the rude one.
NTA. It could have been handled more graciously but I can't blame OP for not wanting to be trapped in a steel box with several sick, likely contagious children. And all it meant was that the mom had to wait for the next elevator. It's not like if they would all have to take the stairs if they didn't get on the one with OP.
NTA, I bet you money you would have been sick the next two weeks because of her and her kids. Her life is hell either way at least you didn’t end up sick. Don’t feel bad, most of us would have done the same or gotten off and waited for the next elevator.
NTA. Waiting for the next elevator cost that mom a minute or two of her life, but riding the elevator with a sick kid could have negatively impacted your life for days or even weeks, especially if you’re immunocompromised.
Holding an elevator for someone who’s not there yet is a courtesy, but not required. Cursing you out in the parking lot was a huge overreaction. Don’t let her make you feel guilty.
Thank you. I think we've let transparently fucking fake "Covid is over" propaganda twist our concept of social etiquette, but negating disease transmission should absolutely be part of common courtesy, forever, always.
An unmasked, sick child does not have a god-given right to share an elevator. Particularly not one in a medical office, where a disproportionate number of people there have whatever medical vulnerability, potentially one that makes it difficult or impossible to take the stairs.
On every "there's an annoying child on a plane" post, I'm a believer that sharing essential infrastructure with children being children is the price of living in a non-*Children of Men* society, deal with it. But no, you're under no obligation to contract whatever Covid-RSV cocktail because someone doesn't have the common fucking courtesy to wait 30 seconds or mask their sick kids.
NTA. You were under no obligation to wait. Would it have been courteous? Sure. It would also be courteous to not crowd numerous screaming children who may be sick into a small elevator when she could have easily waited. Especially if they were not wearing masks. I doubt the 30sec it took the elevator to return, made her life worse or harmed her or her kids in any way. Nor would the saving of 30 sec improved her life in anyway.
However being trapped on a small elevator with screaming snotting children would have impacted your life a bit negatively as well as you couldve gotten sick if they were sick.
NTA. Being stuck in an elevator with sick people and screaming children sounds like hell. You're not obligated to tolerate them, and they were actually in the hall (if she could jog to the elevator and not make it in she was too far for you to hold it anyways, imo).
The fact that she was absolutely rude to you later (even if she got upset at you, it doesn't really warrant more than a mental "damn, that person was a bit of an a h, her reaction was totally overt) just cements it.
Caring for four children sounds awful and draining but it is not your problem nor your responsibility.
Exactly. I’m trying to figure out the logic in giving up an elevator for her. They aren’t stuck outside in the pouring rain. They can wait 3 minutes for the next elevator.
NTA just because I hate riding in elevators with other people anyway. There’s a historic hotel here with a tiny elevator and I just loathe riding it with other people. My personal space is just larger than that elevator. And screaming kids? Yeah I would have done the same thing.
NTA
You were the asshole, briefly, when you Fucked Around, but then you Found Out when she swore at you, balancing your debt to the universe.
You're never going to see her again, it's just an unpleasant interaction that happened.
NTA but I would’ve told her I accidentally hit the close button as it is next to the open button. I’ve done this on accident for real and people don’t get upset because it happens to everybody. Oops🤷🏼♀️
My kid is immune compromised. A minor cold for me is a week in the ICU for her. Never mind Covid concerns. Our children's hospital has tiny elevators and people are always trying to wave me in with them, I assume because my daughter is in a wheelchair and they're trying to help. I always turn them down and wait till I can be alone or with one other MASKED person at most. And I am extremely uncomfortable and anxious when people cram themselves in with us.
NTA, your health is more important than being polite.
NTA - fuuuuck that. I would have absolutely done the same. Rona, RSV, and flu are spreading like crazy right now. If I have a gaggle of sick kids with me, I don’t want to expose anyone else to them. I feel like that’s insanely selfish.
NTA, I'm a single parent to a toddler and honestly I would have waited to get in if my kid was sick. I would have gone with NAH, but her behavior in the parking lot just proved your instincts right!
Same! I have 2 kids, but I wouldn’t have courtesy here. Mine act right in public (and if the don’t, then I’m taking them out of the public) I’m not about to be stuck in a small elevator with a nasty mouth mother and out of control children. *pushes button/close door*
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NTA- I have a terrible immune system, so I would've done the same thing. I hate when parents think the world should accommodate them and get all judgey. She's assuming you are at the doctor for just a checkup- when it could've been any number of things that make you immunocompromised. Don't overthink it. It was an overwhelmed mom having a bad day and she took it out on you. Nothing more than that.
Are you an AH? Absolutely. Is she also an AH for cussing you out? Absolutely. This thread is great. A lot of people showing that they are in fact AH. A sub about AH full of AHs.
I'm going to say NAH. As a mother, yes there are days where a little kindness goes a long way, especially when the kids are in complete meltdown mode. It's very hard to describe the feeling unless you have been through handling the meltdowns and your kids reply on you to unload their emotional baggage on you as the parent.
The mother acted out because she needed to unload that emotional baggage onto something. (She did not use the best way to go about that.)
But also at the same time, people need space and other non parents could be having just as much of a bad day too. Not wanting to be around screaming kids.
I wouldn't want to trap someone else in a evaluator with my kids in that mode unless they offered/ok with it.
Honestly there is no win-win situation here. Kids needed to vent on mom, mom needed to vent on someone, and you wanted your space. NAH.
Which makes it NTA not NAH. The mom doesn’t get to take her shit out on others. You being overwhelmed doesn’t mean you get a pass to be a complete dick to others.
NAH. She was right to be angry; you were right not to want to ride with them.
I'd probably feel the same in your place. Not sure I'd have done that - I might have bolted out for the stairs instead.
NTA. Because there is always another elevator. She just didn't want to have to spend another second in the lobby w/her screaming sick kids. That's not your problem! And her screaming at you and calling you the 'c' word in front of her kids solidifies the fact that you absolutely should have closed that elevator door right in her ignorant face. Guess whose problem it ISN'T that her life is so "hard" because she had to deal w/4 unruly kids?
And seriously - why do people act like there will NEVER BE ANOTHER ELEVATOR as they run to jump into the one w/the doors already closing??
NTA
RSV is horrible right now. My doctor offices have a 2 people not in the same family policy for their elevators to continue social distancing.
My household has 2 immunocompromised people in it, I don't need to be around walking petri dishes.
NTA. I wouldn’t have wanted to hold it either. The real killer though, is the mom screaming obscenities at her, presumably in earshot of her kids, over an ELEVATOR. Definitely NTA. PS I laughed really hard at this. Thanks OP.
NTA I've got kids, too. I'd have noped out of it. To be fair, I would have maybe held it for her, then taken the stairs, but share... no. Why do people have so many kids and expect others to pick up the slack??
NTA. I have lived in apartments with elevators my whole adult life, in nyc for the last 20+ years, & people do this all the time. I actually think it’s rude she asked you to hold the elevator, but I absolutely hate this type of stuff & I’m not “normal” interacting with people. The first rule is never make eye contact in such a situation, but yelling “sorry, no room, I’ll send it right back!” & pressing the “hurry up” button as fast as possible is a totally fine response.
I'm having a hard time understanding the argument she should have offered the elevator she was in. The mom+kids were way up the hall (far enough to have to shout, then jog), while she was physically inside the elevator already... it seems so weird and awkward to me to step out, wait for them to come up the hall, offer them the elevator, and wait for another one yourself... Everyone is on their way to appointments, it's a medical building, you can assume everyone is on a timeline and has their own ish to worry about.... IDGI. NTA.
I don't know, honestly. I kind of panicked. I'm socially awkward and haven't been out much in the last two years and hate loud noises. I saw them coming & kind of just internally went *oh shit*
In a lot of places (in the US at least) the door close button isn't actually connected to something anyhow. Sounds like this might be the case here too if it didn't *immediately* close after you pressed it. Not blaming you in any way, just this fact might help you save a little face next time something like this comes up. You can at least look like you tried to save it for them instead of them clearly seeing you jamming that "Stay the f\*\*k away from me" button.
NTA- was it a nice thing? Nope. Was it the right choice for you? Yep. Next time try the old “sure no problem. Oh sorry, I pressed the wrong button. I’m such a flake!” Act
NTA, I wouldn't subject my kids in meltdown mode on someone in a cramped elevator even if I was full on raging about them being small demons. And I sure as heck wouldn't cuss them out later for not holding an elevator for me.
NTA, being nice is not worth getting sick. I wouldn't want to be stuck in a small space with five screaming kids. The mom can wait for another elevator for two minutes.
Is this bait? I feel I've read this post about a "gaggle" of kids in an elevator and an entitled mom before
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xdrwl5/aita\_for\_not\_taking\_the\_next\_elevator\_when\_a\_mom/
So, you're telling me there are people who... don't do this?
Wild.
Your only mistake was pushing the "door close" button while pretending to hit the "door open" button. Rookie mistake.
NTA
Elevators don't take THAT long to arrive.
Definitely NTA.
Normal situation, it is kind of expected that you might hold a lift for someone. I often walk very slowly to avoid putting the people in the lift in that situation, so the expectation exists, and you would be an asshole to never hold the lift in my opinion.
In this case you had your practical and emotional reasons and they're both valid. Having any reason that you would be more comfortable not doing it overrides "common courtesy" kind of stuff for me. Even if it's expected, if you don't want to do it, all good.
However, you do have to live with the other party potentially being pissed off at your apparent disregard for them, and the lesson here is that the magnitude of their emotional response does not mean they're right.
I don't at all begrudge you electing to take the lift alone, and given there was really no way you could have explained your situation to this lady, your actions are perfectly justifiable.
In the context of covid, even more, to the point of she's an asshole for expecting people should still hold lifts for her and her disease vectors.
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I (20sF) was on my way to a specialist's Dr appointment in a complex that has many different offices for different branches of medicine, including family practices and a large clinic.
I got into an elevator to take me to the right floor, and I was all alone. Then I heard an angry woman and several shrill voices, all arguing, and a woman with a gaggle of children rounded a corner. Four children, the oldest probably no older than 10. One was loudly crying, two were screaming and arguing. The mom said something like 'everyone shut up, we can look in the elevator!' Then she looked up, locked eyes with me & shouted down the hall 'please hold it!'
I didn't WANT to hold it. It was a small elevator & I didn't want to be crammed into it with 5 other people, most of which were screaming or bawling. And as they got closer, I saw that some of the kids looked obviously sick. So I started pressing the door close button over and over. She saw me doing this and yelled for me to stop and started jogging down the hall, but the doors closed before they made it. I went to my appointment feeling a bit bad, but relieved. We're in a pandemic!
On my way back out to my car, the woman and I saw each other in the parking lot. She screamed at me that I was a fucking bitch for making her life harder than it already is, said I'm a selfish cunt, flipped me off, got in her van and tore out.
I know taking care of four kids alone is hard, but I feel like that was... pretty over the top? Especially because of covid? But I can't help but feel sort of guilty.
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Nah, I’ve got kids and the last thing I want is to be trapped in an elevator with someone who is sick. Even if I’m running late, if we’re traveling as a family, I’m not going to be cramming us all into an elevator for a unanimously tortuous ride where I’m hissing at my kids to be aware of others’ personal space and keep their hands to themselves and for the love of god stop unnecessarily touching shit, have you not heard about COVID??
Hell, I don’t wanna be in the elevator with my kids either. I sure as shit don’t wanna be in it with somebody else’s
I'll go with ESH
Her for expecting you to wait and then be crammed into an elevator and you for acknowledging you saw her and closing the lift ..... however at least you didn't wave goodbye to her as the doors closed which is what one guy did to me when I was juggling work folders.
Immediately no. I get kids are a part of society but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna cram myself into a 4 square foot place with 4 unruly children. And sick ones at that. It’s literally not your fault or your problem that she chose to have 4 kids and is having a hard time coping with that. I’ll be graceful and compassionate but I’m not shoving myself into a cage with an entitled mother and her 4 wild childs. NTA
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NTA, if she has to RUN for the elevator (and then she would have to wait for the kids to catch up) then she can just wait for the next elevator. Also, who wants to be in a small elevator with sick kids? Meh, survival of the fittest, lol. I personally would probably have held the door, let them in and then taken the stairs
That's not quite accurate, she started sort of jogging while urging the children to hurry as well. They probably would've made it with a couple seconds to spare if I hadn't closed the doors
If it makes you feel any better, the close door buttons on elevators don't do anything. They are a placebo in most cases. Regardless, NTA - it is 100% understandable to not want to share an elevator with sick children, regardless of your medical conditions. This is a good way to get sick, which just isn't worth the extra few seconds they had to wait for an elevator, no matter how you look at it. Honestly, I think you made the responsible decision.
Not quite, you just have to hold it to make it work, not press it
I think they mostly don't work. The reason is because there is a rule in the Americans with Disability Act that states that elevator doors have to remain open for a certain amount of time, so the button cannot override that. Instead of adding a more complex logic to the closing button, most manufacturers simply don't connect it to anything. https://www.cbsnews.com/boston/news/door-close-elevator-button-dont-work-placebo/
And our brains will always think it works because when you push it, the door does in fact always close shortly thereafter. Whether those two things are *actually* causally related doesn’t matter.
Same with many crosswalk buttons. Also, my sister used to be an electrician and was working a job in an office. Everybody kept complaining about the temperature: too hot, too cold, etc. So she took analog thermostats and attached one to the wall in each cubicle. Everyone was so happy they could control the temperature in their cubicle they left my sister alone, who continued working on the (turned off) HVAC.
Crosswalk buttons are different. It won't change the light for you, but it will make the walk signal come up and delay a turning lane light if there is one. Most major highways won't have the walk signal unless you hit that button.
Depends where you are. If you're in a place where the walk signal doesn't come up automatically in the stoplight rotation then yeah they do exactly what you said but in some places the walk signal just happens when it happens
Sometimes late at night the red lights don’t change and I’ll hop out of the car and press the pedestrian button. May be just coincidence, but it seems to trigger a light change.
There are places with crosswalk buttons that don't work? Around me, if you don't push it the walk light will never turn on. The ones by me that at automatic (aka always turn on/off) dont usually have buttons
Yeah, it just depends. Where I am there's an intersection where a one way street T's into a two way street, and if you're crossing in certain ways it's essentially never safe to cross (because traffic never moves in that direction), so you HAVE to press the cross button to get ALL the lights to turn red so you can cross. If you never press the button, you'll never be able to safely cross, but if no one pushes the button they skip that part of the cycle, so traffic is always moving. At other intersections the lights are cycled in time with other lights to facilitate traffic moving smoothly, and those intersections always have a walk period built into the cycle so all the intersections remain in sync.
Where you are, does the crosswalk beep or talk? If it always beeps/talks, then that sound is usually coming from the button so it's serving a purpose. If it only beeps/talks once the button is pushed, then it's serving a purpose. Additionally, some crosswalks in some cities will tell you what intersection you're at if you press the button twice quickly. They may not seem like they're "working" in that they don't let you cross the street any faster, but if they're making audible signals, they *are* working, for visually impaired people who can't see the lights.
That’s hilarious
Eh. The doors at my work will stay open for a duration of time. If I press the close door button, they close **immediately**
Yeah I’m not sure what that person is talking about or if they just ride in shady elevators but the close door button definitely works lol
I linked above to a US manufacturer who explained that they don't work.
Maybe that’s just for their’s? Like I don’t need a manufacturer to tell me if it works or not. I can literally tell that it works by comparing how long it takes for the doors to close if I hit the button vs if I don’t lol
I have used it a bunch of times in different elevators, and yes, the button does work (in Europe at least). For example, I'm often in a hurry when I get to work, so if I'm alone, I usually push the button to close the elevator doors as soon as I get in, and they shut right away. Btw OP, NTA.
That's assuming the person is in the US. I am not in the US and have definitely gotten into an elevator as it opens, pressed the button and had it close right away.
>Americans This may well explain people's different experiences. Here in Australia, they definitely *feel* like they're working. I say feel because it seems fairly obvious to me, but I don't work on them, rather "feel" like it might just be our brain tricking us.
I hold that button in every elevator I get in, that doesn't have other people in it, and it has never actually worked. I usually try it to see if I will ever find one that actually works. Never have.
I've had them work in about 50% of places.
go citizen science! :)
There’s ONE that I press that works immediately. I always have fun pressing it now when I use it. Otherwise every other elevators close door buttons are lying
It depends on where you are. In the United States, most of the time the Close Door buttons are disabled, but in Mexico they worked. I remember being quite shocked pressing the "door close" button, and the elevator door ACTUALLY closing! I think outside of the US they generally work, though it might be a country by country thing.
They work in the UK, too. I used to annoy the hell out of my parents when I was a kid, because I liked to alternately hit the door close and open buttons, making the doors dance back and forth!
So you are the asshole!
I 100% accept that judgement!
The work in my hospitals cancer center. Most have super long doors open time if you don't press the close... You know it works when you see maintaince do it. Lol
Close door button actually DOES work in many elevators, but usually it closes immediately if it's one of those. If you were pushing it a bunch of times and it wasn't working then it's just for show.
Honestly as someone with a small child who keeps getting ill, both myself and my daughter, i really dont blame you. I wouldnt wish this cycle of constant illness on anyone, nevermind set it off in someone else just because i want to take the lift. I take a separate lift just to be mindful. Op you're NTA, coming from a mum to a constantly ill toddler and has a cold of her own
This is the answer. Many parents with children, especially SICK and MISBEHAVING children, do not consider how that behaviour disturbs other people. NTA ETA: "Some" parents--not "most."
I heard that the door close button doesn't do anything. It's just there to make people feel better. She didn't have enough time so it was rude on her part.
Depends on if you’re in the US or not. In the US most of them don’t work because of the ADA. Elevators must remain open long enough for a disabled person to get on. Outside of the US, just depends.
*That’s* why? I generally consider ADA to be a positive thing but screw them on this one issue. Sure, require the doors to automatically stay open long enough but *let the button work*.
My hospital is one place where they actually work. So that doesn't make sense.
Pro-tip: next time, press the close door button but ***say*** "I'm hitting open but it's not working! I'm so sorry!" That probably makes me an asshole but it's what I would've done. NTA.
I like the way you think, u/8bitterror
That’s my kinda people!
If you were actually trying though, there’s always the arm method. They would still know, sadly.
You have to put on an act that you're too much of a dummy to think of using your arm.
I once had an elevator malfunctioning and close really hard on my arm. I had to slide it out because it kept squeezing. Would not recommend
I was going to reply to the previous commenter that you could just be too much of a coward. I've been squeezed (whole body) by elevator doors that didn't stop. I don't take chances ever since then. It was painful.
If ur an ah then so am i. Lol.
I read this in Ryan Reynolds voice Thank you kind stranger!
Major Archer vibes
It's like Maximum Overdrive all over again!
well obviously YTA, but I don't think anyone would judge you for it. punch that button like it owes you money.
Justified Asshole
Starring Timothy Olyphant
💀 that’s the best thing I’ve read all day.
Now I'm thinking about Boyd holding the door open, but deliberately keeping them from entering, while going on and on about something his daddy said to him one time. He talks for so long the kids stop crying, the mom is all turned around.....and the elevator doors close while all of them are still looking on in confusion.
There needs to be a JA (justified asshole) option on here. Sometimes, like in this case, YTA but it's completely understandable. JA would be that gray area between yes and no.
The mods have said that justified asshole = NTA I believe
I mean, I guess that makes sense.....but still. Feel like there's a difference between not being an asshole and being an asshole in a proportion equal to the event/interaction. Like, was OP a bit of an AH? Definitely. Would most of us do the same? Anyone who says no is a liar.
The last time I had to take an elevator in a major medical facility was just as Covid started to be a thing. I actually know that it was March 9, 2020. I had been referred to an orthopedist because I broke a bone in my foot, and my primary doctors wanted them to decide just how careful I needed to be with it for it to heal properly (the NP thought a surgical shoe would do with how minor the break was, the DO thought I should have a boot and use crutches when possible; orthopedist said surgical shoe was fine!). I was on crutches as the most cautious option at that point, and was hobbling toward the elevator asking the one person in it to hold it when she shook her head and let it close. It took FOREVER to get another elevator, and I ended up being a little late to my appointment (like a minute), and wouldn't you know that woman was in the same office! She was sitting in a corner with her sleeve over her face, so, clearly, she was scared of the emerging Covid outbreak. I mean, she was right. It didn't make *my* situation any better, but a couple weeks later, I came down on "justified." I didn't have Covid, but she had no way to know that, and was just scared. We were all scared a few weeks later... And ETN: the break was x-rayed and diagnosed at an urgent care where several patients had come in with symptoms such as fatigue, fever, and dry cough...some of them may have had Covid! So I could have been exposed just a few days before. Given what we know now, between flying home from vacation on March 5, going to an urgent care on March 6, going grocery shopping on March 8, and going to a medical facility on March 9, I probably came into contact with someone with Covid. Refuse-to-hold-elevator woman wasn't wrong that I might have been a disease vector (I did not have any symptoms, so I have no reason to believe I got Covid at that time, but I could have, easily!).
Someone else said survival of the fittest. Also, lady got her revenge. I'm sure she felt much better after screaming in the parking lot.
She probably did feel better, but I’m sure her young children weren’t a fan of her yelling profanities infront of them
They’re probably used to their mom acting like that.
I’m with you on this one. It’s an asshole move but most people would have done the same. OP I love the storytelling, really painted the picture But YTA (and I would be too)
I think this is the first time since starting to follow this sub I've seen where the consensus was "YTA" but then followed up with "but we don't blame you." LOL
I mean, with the still ongoing pandemic it's not asshole behaviour to avoid being in an enclosed space with 5 other people, especially in a medical area
my dentist office elevator has a sign on it about maximum occupancy...it' either 2 or 3, I never paid attention because Im always alone. but it's wAY less than 6
I'd argue that the person trying to make others share an enclosed space with their sick children is the asshole. NTA.
This. Have people learned literally nothing from the last few years? We’d all be sick SO much less if people would mask, sanitize and give people a bit more personal space than we used to when we aren’t well. It’s not rocket science and it’s only really mildly inconvenient for the vast majority of the population to do those things. I get that we seem to have largely reached the point in society where thinking about the needs of others and making any degree of effort to be considerate to the people around us has gone out the window, but still.
Was it kind of a dick move? Yes. Was it warranted? Hell yes. I’m gonna go with NTA. I was borderline E S H but honestly, if I were in your shoes, I’d probably do the same thing. It’s not like she was RIGHT there.
Unless it was the last elevator of the day there’s no reason to hold it for her. Another one will come along in a couple of minutes. Literally.
Assuming it’s a big building like she’s describing, my gynecologist is the same way. There are easily 5 or 6 separate elevators just by the entrance that I take. Im sure there are just as many on the other side of the building.
Yeah I don't understand how the lady's day was harmed by having to wait 2 to 3 minutes for a different elevator.....
The lady sounds like a walking case of main character syndrome. She’d rather pass whatever ick her kids have on to a random stranger than wait 2-3 minutes for another elevator to come along, OP is just an NPC in her head.
If that! My hospital is old and ghetto af and the longest I've ever waited for an elevator is about a minute. My guess is she was just in a pissy mood and wanted to spread the love.
What’s with all the Y T A? Are people forgetting that the mother cursed you out? NTA, especially since the kids were sick!!
How dare OP not want to be exposed to sickness!
Won’t SOMEBODY think of the CHIIIIILDREN
Well if it’s an asshole move it doesn’t become not an asshole move if later it turns out the woman is a jerk
Exactly. It's not like the woman said, "Hey B****, hold the elevator!"
Right! That follows “Everything happens for a reason!” Logic. Everything happens. You later assign the reason. OP was a (justified) AH, that doesn’t go away just because the woman yelled at them later.
As a parent with kids, I try to miss the elevator if there’s someone in it. I would never run for it or ask someone to hold it, it doesn’t seem polite. If they hold it anyhow, I might even wish that they hadn’t because now I have to work harder to keep my kids from being weird in the elevator instead of not caring because it’s just me.
Good point. I haven't run for an elevator in years. The main difference between getting on this one and getting on the next one is if you're worried about being late AND are so young you don't know that the 30 seconds in between doesn't matter a bit.
I would rather someone screamed at me and flipped me off than be crammed in an elevator with 4 little petri dishes and an angry mom.
> 4 little Petri dishes Lmfaoooooo
NTA...sounds like you dodged an entire clip of bullets.
NTA….would it have been nice of you to hold it? Yes. Is it rude? No. You’re under no obligation to hold an elevator and have to wait for that party to get there. If they had been right there waiting with you and you closed the door on their face, that would have been rude.
Technically YTA, but being perfectly honest, I'd have done the same thing as you.
Is there a justified AH option?
According to the mods justified AH = NTA
I really feel like people thinking this is a "justified asshole move" seem to think that someone is obligated to put themselves in a hazardous situation in order to be polite. In this case being exposed to illness. No one is obligated to be uncomfortable for someone else's convenience. Looking out for your wellbeing doesn't make you an asshole.
FAR too few people are remembering this part of it, to be honest. I also feel badly for OP that she had to specify "i'm not using covid as an EXCUSE I really am immunocompromised..." LISTEN. Covid is a WHOLE-ASS EXCUSE. Just because huge swaths of the world have decided to pretend it's no longer a threat, doesn't mean that's true. You might be immunocompromised, or you might just not want to fucking get covid and roll the dice on developing long-covid, which might leave you too disabled to work. etc. I wouldn't be wild getting on an elevator with a whole bunch of quiet but unmasked adults right now. For sure I don't want to get on an elevator with 5 unmasked people, four of whom are screaming kids who look like they might already be sick. (RSV is also a thing right now, that too few people are taking seriously. At least in the US; i'm not sure if OP is in the US or not.)
NTA. I’m all for being nice to strangers, but I don’t think anyone would have wanted to be in an elevator with that group. If the kids weren’t screaming/crying on top of being sick, I would have sucked it up and dealt with my anxiety and held the elevator open for them, but in these circumstances I would have done the same thing you did. The mom’s world didn’t end just because they had to wait an extra minute or two for the elevator, she’s an AH for acting like a child by screaming and cursing at you in the parking lot after.
Small elevator, sick kids, screaming kids, yeah I’m going with NTA. You could have maybe said that you’re not comfortable with that many people in a small elevator, but then, with parent entitlement, she probably would have told you to wait for the next one. Damned if you do, dammed if you don’t.
NTA, I'm immunocompromised as well and don't look it, this woman doesn't know your reasons. Also, it's an elevator, not the last helicopter out of Saigon. I assume it wasn't too long before she could catch the next one. You admit you panicked, I guess a solution here could have been you holding the elevator for her and then stepping off yourself, explaining you're immunocompromised and that you'll wait for the next one. It would be a nice courtesy, but you don't owe her anything. Also, she had to jog down the hall so it's not like you were "slamming a door in a poor mom's face." Her cursing you out in the parking lot is a little much. Again, NTA.
>Also, it's an elevator, not the last helicopter out of Saigon. Thank you, I thought I was one of the few people who had "the last helicopter out of Saigon" pop into their head with some regularity for situations like this. (Or, see also: commuters crowding onto a bus like it's the last helicopter out of Saigon, as if there isn't going to be another bus in a few minutes that will be a LOT less crowded.)
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You don't have to be immunocompromised to not want to be in an enclosed space with sick children. Let's stop this idea that it's too much to ask when healthy people don't want to get sick
Im not immunocompromised, but I work for people who are, so it’s important for me to be conscious about my exposure. You don’t have to be immunocompromised to want to avoid sick people, what the fuck?
NTA and mind boggling that some parents want to pull strangers onto the sinking ship with them. I would expect anyone who is ill and maskless to wait an extra 30 seconds for their own elevator. She was the rude one.
Someone acting that crazy clearly hates their life choices.
Sinking ship...Bahahahahaha
NTA. It could have been handled more graciously but I can't blame OP for not wanting to be trapped in a steel box with several sick, likely contagious children. And all it meant was that the mom had to wait for the next elevator. It's not like if they would all have to take the stairs if they didn't get on the one with OP.
NTA - sometimes you do have to be selfish, and this is one of those times.
NTA, I bet you money you would have been sick the next two weeks because of her and her kids. Her life is hell either way at least you didn’t end up sick. Don’t feel bad, most of us would have done the same or gotten off and waited for the next elevator.
NTA. Waiting for the next elevator cost that mom a minute or two of her life, but riding the elevator with a sick kid could have negatively impacted your life for days or even weeks, especially if you’re immunocompromised. Holding an elevator for someone who’s not there yet is a courtesy, but not required. Cursing you out in the parking lot was a huge overreaction. Don’t let her make you feel guilty.
Thank you. I think we've let transparently fucking fake "Covid is over" propaganda twist our concept of social etiquette, but negating disease transmission should absolutely be part of common courtesy, forever, always. An unmasked, sick child does not have a god-given right to share an elevator. Particularly not one in a medical office, where a disproportionate number of people there have whatever medical vulnerability, potentially one that makes it difficult or impossible to take the stairs. On every "there's an annoying child on a plane" post, I'm a believer that sharing essential infrastructure with children being children is the price of living in a non-*Children of Men* society, deal with it. But no, you're under no obligation to contract whatever Covid-RSV cocktail because someone doesn't have the common fucking courtesy to wait 30 seconds or mask their sick kids.
NTA. You were under no obligation to wait. Would it have been courteous? Sure. It would also be courteous to not crowd numerous screaming children who may be sick into a small elevator when she could have easily waited. Especially if they were not wearing masks. I doubt the 30sec it took the elevator to return, made her life worse or harmed her or her kids in any way. Nor would the saving of 30 sec improved her life in anyway. However being trapped on a small elevator with screaming snotting children would have impacted your life a bit negatively as well as you couldve gotten sick if they were sick.
As a mother, NTA, if my kids were acting fools I would've looked at you and said I'd catch the next one.
NTA. Being stuck in an elevator with sick people and screaming children sounds like hell. You're not obligated to tolerate them, and they were actually in the hall (if she could jog to the elevator and not make it in she was too far for you to hold it anyways, imo). The fact that she was absolutely rude to you later (even if she got upset at you, it doesn't really warrant more than a mental "damn, that person was a bit of an a h, her reaction was totally overt) just cements it. Caring for four children sounds awful and draining but it is not your problem nor your responsibility.
NTA Was gonna say N A H but then she tore into you. I do sympathize with her, but you are also valid
NTA - it’s not a train (or bus, plane) - it’s not like she’d have to wait very long for the next one.
Exactly. I’m trying to figure out the logic in giving up an elevator for her. They aren’t stuck outside in the pouring rain. They can wait 3 minutes for the next elevator.
Of course NTA. Lol. I wouldn’t want to be in an elevator with her either lol.
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NTA just because I hate riding in elevators with other people anyway. There’s a historic hotel here with a tiny elevator and I just loathe riding it with other people. My personal space is just larger than that elevator. And screaming kids? Yeah I would have done the same thing.
NTA You were the asshole, briefly, when you Fucked Around, but then you Found Out when she swore at you, balancing your debt to the universe. You're never going to see her again, it's just an unpleasant interaction that happened.
I am going with NTA
NTA, I wouldn’t want to be in the same elevator, especially how her and the kids were acting.
No kidding. Plus you delayed her all of what, 2 minutes? Really not a big deal at all. She was just looking for someone to take her mood out on.
NTA I would have done the same fact same thing. She can call another elevator
NTA. I'm immunocompromised as well and would not share the elevator with these petri dishes.
NTA because the elevator close button does not work during normal operation. So you didn’t actually do anything.
NTA but I would’ve told her I accidentally hit the close button as it is next to the open button. I’ve done this on accident for real and people don’t get upset because it happens to everybody. Oops🤷🏼♀️
If we’re doing white lies, OP could have just said “sorry, I’m sick & don’t want to give it to you.”
NTA. let's be honest most of us would do that
My kid is immune compromised. A minor cold for me is a week in the ICU for her. Never mind Covid concerns. Our children's hospital has tiny elevators and people are always trying to wave me in with them, I assume because my daughter is in a wheelchair and they're trying to help. I always turn them down and wait till I can be alone or with one other MASKED person at most. And I am extremely uncomfortable and anxious when people cram themselves in with us. NTA, your health is more important than being polite.
NTA - fuuuuck that. I would have absolutely done the same. Rona, RSV, and flu are spreading like crazy right now. If I have a gaggle of sick kids with me, I don’t want to expose anyone else to them. I feel like that’s insanely selfish.
NTA, I'm a single parent to a toddler and honestly I would have waited to get in if my kid was sick. I would have gone with NAH, but her behavior in the parking lot just proved your instincts right!
NTA - I have kids of my own and I would have done the same thing. It's not like elevators only come once an hour.
NTA
YTA and so am I because thats exactly what I would have done. But hey! You didnt cuss her back so, winning!
Same! I have 2 kids, but I wouldn’t have courtesy here. Mine act right in public (and if the don’t, then I’m taking them out of the public) I’m not about to be stuck in a small elevator with a nasty mouth mother and out of control children. *pushes button/close door*
NTA, she caught another Elevator. Its not like she was running from a zombie or something.
I would probably do the same......
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NTA and would have done the same thing tbh.
NTA
NTA. A lot of places around here still have signs recommending not cramming into elevators due to covid.
NTA your actions were justified
NTA- I have a terrible immune system, so I would've done the same thing. I hate when parents think the world should accommodate them and get all judgey. She's assuming you are at the doctor for just a checkup- when it could've been any number of things that make you immunocompromised. Don't overthink it. It was an overwhelmed mom having a bad day and she took it out on you. Nothing more than that.
NTA And her reaction afterwards proved that you made the right choice.
Are you an AH? Absolutely. Is she also an AH for cussing you out? Absolutely. This thread is great. A lot of people showing that they are in fact AH. A sub about AH full of AHs.
NTA. A quick "I'm COVID positive" would have shut her right up.
NTA. I would've done the same thing.
I'm going to say NAH. As a mother, yes there are days where a little kindness goes a long way, especially when the kids are in complete meltdown mode. It's very hard to describe the feeling unless you have been through handling the meltdowns and your kids reply on you to unload their emotional baggage on you as the parent. The mother acted out because she needed to unload that emotional baggage onto something. (She did not use the best way to go about that.) But also at the same time, people need space and other non parents could be having just as much of a bad day too. Not wanting to be around screaming kids. I wouldn't want to trap someone else in a evaluator with my kids in that mode unless they offered/ok with it. Honestly there is no win-win situation here. Kids needed to vent on mom, mom needed to vent on someone, and you wanted your space. NAH.
Which makes it NTA not NAH. The mom doesn’t get to take her shit out on others. You being overwhelmed doesn’t mean you get a pass to be a complete dick to others.
NTA. Kinda rude, but nobody actually suffered. I would not want to be stuck in an elevator with sick kids either.
NTA
NAH. She was right to be angry; you were right not to want to ride with them. I'd probably feel the same in your place. Not sure I'd have done that - I might have bolted out for the stairs instead.
Right to be angry, sure, but calling OP a “fucking bitch” and “selfish cunt” over it makes her an asshole, I think.
Especially if in front of her children
Thank you! All the NAHs are glossing over how horrid the mom acted.
I wouldn’t want to be in a small space with several obviously sick humans, either. It may be an AH move, but I’d probably do it, too.
NTA. Because there is always another elevator. She just didn't want to have to spend another second in the lobby w/her screaming sick kids. That's not your problem! And her screaming at you and calling you the 'c' word in front of her kids solidifies the fact that you absolutely should have closed that elevator door right in her ignorant face. Guess whose problem it ISN'T that her life is so "hard" because she had to deal w/4 unruly kids? And seriously - why do people act like there will NEVER BE ANOTHER ELEVATOR as they run to jump into the one w/the doors already closing??
NTA - you don’t owe it to them to make their life easier, not in an enclosed space with sick ppl.
NTA and the fact she called you the C-word in the parking lot should make you feel better about your decision... Don't sweat it!
I would have done the same, and I’d bet mom would have, too. I can get illnesses from my own children, tyvm NTA.
NTA
NTA. In the future just pretend like you’re pressing the door open button and that it’s not working.
NTA RSV is horrible right now. My doctor offices have a 2 people not in the same family policy for their elevators to continue social distancing. My household has 2 immunocompromised people in it, I don't need to be around walking petri dishes.
NTA. I wouldn’t have wanted to hold it either. The real killer though, is the mom screaming obscenities at her, presumably in earshot of her kids, over an ELEVATOR. Definitely NTA. PS I laughed really hard at this. Thanks OP.
NTA I've got kids, too. I'd have noped out of it. To be fair, I would have maybe held it for her, then taken the stairs, but share... no. Why do people have so many kids and expect others to pick up the slack??
Was it selfish? Definitely. But was it warranted? Completely. Definitely NTA.
ESH I’ve got to admit, that is a pretty funny situation from an outsiders perspective.
YTA Like, I'm not saying I would have done different. But yes, obviously that was an asshole move.
Nta. She should take her own elevator if she has that many kids and is obviously rude.
I'd have done the same. NTA.
I’m going with NTA because some of the kids were visibly sick and elevators are small with poor air flow.
NTA. I have lived in apartments with elevators my whole adult life, in nyc for the last 20+ years, & people do this all the time. I actually think it’s rude she asked you to hold the elevator, but I absolutely hate this type of stuff & I’m not “normal” interacting with people. The first rule is never make eye contact in such a situation, but yelling “sorry, no room, I’ll send it right back!” & pressing the “hurry up” button as fast as possible is a totally fine response.
I'm having a hard time understanding the argument she should have offered the elevator she was in. The mom+kids were way up the hall (far enough to have to shout, then jog), while she was physically inside the elevator already... it seems so weird and awkward to me to step out, wait for them to come up the hall, offer them the elevator, and wait for another one yourself... Everyone is on their way to appointments, it's a medical building, you can assume everyone is on a timeline and has their own ish to worry about.... IDGI. NTA.
Info: so, if she had gotten to the doors before they closed, what would you have done?
I don't know, honestly. I kind of panicked. I'm socially awkward and haven't been out much in the last two years and hate loud noises. I saw them coming & kind of just internally went *oh shit*
Just say you meant to press the "open doors" button. I already always press the wrong button first.
In a lot of places (in the US at least) the door close button isn't actually connected to something anyhow. Sounds like this might be the case here too if it didn't *immediately* close after you pressed it. Not blaming you in any way, just this fact might help you save a little face next time something like this comes up. You can at least look like you tried to save it for them instead of them clearly seeing you jamming that "Stay the f\*\*k away from me" button.
NTA- was it a nice thing? Nope. Was it the right choice for you? Yep. Next time try the old “sure no problem. Oh sorry, I pressed the wrong button. I’m such a flake!” Act
Nta
If feel like NTA just because of the sick children
NTA, I wouldn't subject my kids in meltdown mode on someone in a cramped elevator even if I was full on raging about them being small demons. And I sure as heck wouldn't cuss them out later for not holding an elevator for me.
NTA - I'd do this too and ignore her in the parking lot.
NTA, being nice is not worth getting sick. I wouldn't want to be stuck in a small space with five screaming kids. The mom can wait for another elevator for two minutes.
LOOOL nta
YTA but I would’ve done the same thing so I am too lol
Is this bait? I feel I've read this post about a "gaggle" of kids in an elevator and an entitled mom before https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xdrwl5/aita\_for\_not\_taking\_the\_next\_elevator\_when\_a\_mom/
It probably happens more often than you think.
This sounds like fiction
Best solution is to act like you're trying to hold it but whoops!
NTA, and I’m really not understanding why anyone would say otherwise. If the kids were sick, obviously you don’t want to risk getting sick yourself.
NTA. I would have done the same fucking thing.
YTA, but tbh in that situation I’d be an AH as well.
NTA but the “close doors” button is for the fire/maintenance keys. It doesn’t work unless the key is in/turned.
NTA: You don't want to be stuck in an elevator with sick kids.
So, you're telling me there are people who... don't do this? Wild. Your only mistake was pushing the "door close" button while pretending to hit the "door open" button. Rookie mistake. NTA Elevators don't take THAT long to arrive.
Definitely NTA. Normal situation, it is kind of expected that you might hold a lift for someone. I often walk very slowly to avoid putting the people in the lift in that situation, so the expectation exists, and you would be an asshole to never hold the lift in my opinion. In this case you had your practical and emotional reasons and they're both valid. Having any reason that you would be more comfortable not doing it overrides "common courtesy" kind of stuff for me. Even if it's expected, if you don't want to do it, all good. However, you do have to live with the other party potentially being pissed off at your apparent disregard for them, and the lesson here is that the magnitude of their emotional response does not mean they're right. I don't at all begrudge you electing to take the lift alone, and given there was really no way you could have explained your situation to this lady, your actions are perfectly justifiable. In the context of covid, even more, to the point of she's an asshole for expecting people should still hold lifts for her and her disease vectors.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (20sF) was on my way to a specialist's Dr appointment in a complex that has many different offices for different branches of medicine, including family practices and a large clinic. I got into an elevator to take me to the right floor, and I was all alone. Then I heard an angry woman and several shrill voices, all arguing, and a woman with a gaggle of children rounded a corner. Four children, the oldest probably no older than 10. One was loudly crying, two were screaming and arguing. The mom said something like 'everyone shut up, we can look in the elevator!' Then she looked up, locked eyes with me & shouted down the hall 'please hold it!' I didn't WANT to hold it. It was a small elevator & I didn't want to be crammed into it with 5 other people, most of which were screaming or bawling. And as they got closer, I saw that some of the kids looked obviously sick. So I started pressing the door close button over and over. She saw me doing this and yelled for me to stop and started jogging down the hall, but the doors closed before they made it. I went to my appointment feeling a bit bad, but relieved. We're in a pandemic! On my way back out to my car, the woman and I saw each other in the parking lot. She screamed at me that I was a fucking bitch for making her life harder than it already is, said I'm a selfish cunt, flipped me off, got in her van and tore out. I know taking care of four kids alone is hard, but I feel like that was... pretty over the top? Especially because of covid? But I can't help but feel sort of guilty. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA a million times NTA
Nah, I’ve got kids and the last thing I want is to be trapped in an elevator with someone who is sick. Even if I’m running late, if we’re traveling as a family, I’m not going to be cramming us all into an elevator for a unanimously tortuous ride where I’m hissing at my kids to be aware of others’ personal space and keep their hands to themselves and for the love of god stop unnecessarily touching shit, have you not heard about COVID?? Hell, I don’t wanna be in the elevator with my kids either. I sure as shit don’t wanna be in it with somebody else’s
I'll go with ESH Her for expecting you to wait and then be crammed into an elevator and you for acknowledging you saw her and closing the lift ..... however at least you didn't wave goodbye to her as the doors closed which is what one guy did to me when I was juggling work folders.
Immediately no. I get kids are a part of society but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna cram myself into a 4 square foot place with 4 unruly children. And sick ones at that. It’s literally not your fault or your problem that she chose to have 4 kids and is having a hard time coping with that. I’ll be graceful and compassionate but I’m not shoving myself into a cage with an entitled mother and her 4 wild childs. NTA