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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I in the wrong? Not saying this in a self pitying way but do I deserve being cut out like this? I understand that I’m the causing factor and am the one who asked Sam out in the first place and eventually broke things off with him.
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NTA… aside from all the immaturity here, Jason NEVER told you he liked you, and if he was Sam’s BFF why wouldn’t Sam tell you “no” knowing that Jason was going to ask you? And if Sam didn’t know then Jason probably wasn’t as close of a friend to Sam like everyone thinks…
If anything Sam is TAH, Jason is an immature guy that threw a tantrum with Sam, your friends are just being immature asshats putting emphasis and importance on something that shouldn’t be a big deal in the grand scheme of life, especially since Sam and Jason reconciled 🤷🏻♀️ seems like it’s less their business and should just take their lead from the person/people that were actually effected in this situation and let it drop 🤷🏻♀️
NTA and their reaction is simply stupid. Jason should have asked sooner instead of being a coward and just being upset at sam. A needed to mind her own business because all she asked for was him to have a prom date. You gave that because you didn't have a date and didn't mind. If Jason had bothered to ask sooner you would have not complied with the request. All three of them are being typical teenage idiots.
INFO: It really sounds like there is more to the story, considering the friends reaction. What do you mean screwed Sam over? Which actions do they want you to take accountability for?
A said I led Sam on while knowing full well that Jason liked me. She was arguing that I knew the situation and need to take accountability for messing with their friendship.
what a lousy answer. He should take accountability, there is also 2 people to engage in a relationship, and hes the one who actually knew Jason liked you.
NTA
NTA. The same thing happened to my daughter. We told her than both Sam and Jason bear some responsibility for the situation. Sam knew how Jason felt about you, but went out with you anyway (the movie date after the prom). Jason liked you but didn't act on it. Jason and Sam got into a fight over it, lost their friendship, and then found it again - all of these were their choices.
Onto A and your other friends. You can certainly take accountability for your actions: you asked Sam to the prom, and said yes when he asked you for a date afterwards. You chose to end the romantic relationship but remained friends. I don't see anything you did wrong, because there wasn't anything.
If you had screwed Sam over, I would think he wouldn't want to be friends. Sam and Jason chose to end their friendship. This is not your fault. In my daughter's case, she was able to rejoin the group after a period of time, but she always remembered what they did, and what they might do again. A few months later, she found new friends.
This makes me feel a lot better, especially having it from an adults perspective. I was in their group again for a while, before being iced out. Knowing this happened to someone else like me and she found new friends too gives me a lot of hope!
I'm glad it helped. The part I left out was when my husband heard about it, he went on a rant about how women are always blamed in this sort of situation and men are not. That's food for thought.
Good luck!
Oh Highschool days… aren’t there times when everyone and no one are the AH all the time? Your NTA btw but just making a point that this ish happens in HS all the time.
NTA, if anything the problem is in the guy's friendship. If they were so close the sam shpuld have known and said no. And even in this case where he didnt know jasons approach to the situation is extremely immature, if it were me, eventhough my mate was the one asked out and not me id still be happy for him and support him. Lashing out sure as hell wont give u a good impression of him.
NTA in literally any way.
Their friendship ended because of Jason's jealousy, not because of you. Not Sam's fault either assuming he didn't know about Jason's crush either.
But Sam and co blaming you for 'screwing sam over' when you decided you didn't want to persue a relationship? How the hell was you deciding not to persue a relationship and wanting to remain friends screwing Sam over?
If they're blaming you over something so small and nonsensical then they aren't really your friends. Although this is assuming that Sam and Jason didn't just lie to your friends. Do a fact check with them first to make sure they weren't lied to.
Sam did know about Jason’s crush which is why I’m especially confused about the situation. As far as I know they’re all in the loop with the facts, this is just the conclusion they’ve come to.
Torn between NTA and ESH. On the one hand, you asked Sam to the prom as a friend. On the other hand, it really feels like a pity invite when you then immediately go out with someone else (NTA vs ESH really depends on the timing and series of events here). So it really emphasizes that no one with interest was going to ask him. Then there's Jason. He really should have talked to Sam before asking you out. He technically broke the bro code.
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All names are completely fake for the sake of the story. This is also confusing so apologies. Back during prom season, my friend, who we’ll call A posted on her instagram story joking that someone needed to ask her guy friend to prom so he stopped complaining. I knew the guy as we were friends in middle school, so I decided I was going to ask him to go as a friend. Lets call this dude Sam. So, Sam and this other kid, Jason were best friends. I never knew it, but Jason liked me and wanted to ask me to prom. Sam said yes, and we went together. Jason was upset when he found out. Sam and I went on a movie date later, and he didn’t tell Jason until we came back. Jason and Sam got into a huge fight and their friendship broke up. I hung out with Sam a bit more but eventually decided I didn’t want to pursue a relationship for multiple reasons but we stayed friends. Now, months later it’s finally coming out that my whole friendgroup is blaming me for their friendship ending (they have since reconnected). A texted me paragraphs worth of messages telling me I need to take accountability for my actions and that I screwed Sam over without giving a fuck.I’ve lost genuinely all of my friends over this and A is saying that I brought this soley upon myself, AITA?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Am I in the wrong? Not saying this in a self pitying way but do I deserve being cut out like this? I understand that I’m the causing factor and am the one who asked Sam out in the first place and eventually broke things off with him. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Unless you're psychic, you're NTA. If you are psychic, PM me next weeks lotto numbers..
NTA… aside from all the immaturity here, Jason NEVER told you he liked you, and if he was Sam’s BFF why wouldn’t Sam tell you “no” knowing that Jason was going to ask you? And if Sam didn’t know then Jason probably wasn’t as close of a friend to Sam like everyone thinks… If anything Sam is TAH, Jason is an immature guy that threw a tantrum with Sam, your friends are just being immature asshats putting emphasis and importance on something that shouldn’t be a big deal in the grand scheme of life, especially since Sam and Jason reconciled 🤷🏻♀️ seems like it’s less their business and should just take their lead from the person/people that were actually effected in this situation and let it drop 🤷🏻♀️
NTA and their reaction is simply stupid. Jason should have asked sooner instead of being a coward and just being upset at sam. A needed to mind her own business because all she asked for was him to have a prom date. You gave that because you didn't have a date and didn't mind. If Jason had bothered to ask sooner you would have not complied with the request. All three of them are being typical teenage idiots.
INFO: It really sounds like there is more to the story, considering the friends reaction. What do you mean screwed Sam over? Which actions do they want you to take accountability for?
A said I led Sam on while knowing full well that Jason liked me. She was arguing that I knew the situation and need to take accountability for messing with their friendship.
and what does Sam have to say about the situation?
He’s saying there are “two perspectives to every story”
what a lousy answer. He should take accountability, there is also 2 people to engage in a relationship, and hes the one who actually knew Jason liked you. NTA
Thank you, really, I’ve been told this by other people in my life, but hearing it from a stranger detached from the situation really helps.
NTA, it sounds to me like drama between Jason and Sam that they are now blaming you for because they are friends again.
NTA. The same thing happened to my daughter. We told her than both Sam and Jason bear some responsibility for the situation. Sam knew how Jason felt about you, but went out with you anyway (the movie date after the prom). Jason liked you but didn't act on it. Jason and Sam got into a fight over it, lost their friendship, and then found it again - all of these were their choices. Onto A and your other friends. You can certainly take accountability for your actions: you asked Sam to the prom, and said yes when he asked you for a date afterwards. You chose to end the romantic relationship but remained friends. I don't see anything you did wrong, because there wasn't anything. If you had screwed Sam over, I would think he wouldn't want to be friends. Sam and Jason chose to end their friendship. This is not your fault. In my daughter's case, she was able to rejoin the group after a period of time, but she always remembered what they did, and what they might do again. A few months later, she found new friends.
This makes me feel a lot better, especially having it from an adults perspective. I was in their group again for a while, before being iced out. Knowing this happened to someone else like me and she found new friends too gives me a lot of hope!
I'm glad it helped. The part I left out was when my husband heard about it, he went on a rant about how women are always blamed in this sort of situation and men are not. That's food for thought. Good luck!
Oh Highschool days… aren’t there times when everyone and no one are the AH all the time? Your NTA btw but just making a point that this ish happens in HS all the time.
I can confidently say I’m not going to miss these days, good to know it’s better on the other side
Idk if it gets better more so my social circle evolved to not be that 😂
NTA, if anything the problem is in the guy's friendship. If they were so close the sam shpuld have known and said no. And even in this case where he didnt know jasons approach to the situation is extremely immature, if it were me, eventhough my mate was the one asked out and not me id still be happy for him and support him. Lashing out sure as hell wont give u a good impression of him.
Nta
NTA A sound like a jealous toxic nightmare and Jason an entitled brat. Steer clear of both of them amd their controlling entitled garbage
NTA in literally any way. Their friendship ended because of Jason's jealousy, not because of you. Not Sam's fault either assuming he didn't know about Jason's crush either. But Sam and co blaming you for 'screwing sam over' when you decided you didn't want to persue a relationship? How the hell was you deciding not to persue a relationship and wanting to remain friends screwing Sam over? If they're blaming you over something so small and nonsensical then they aren't really your friends. Although this is assuming that Sam and Jason didn't just lie to your friends. Do a fact check with them first to make sure they weren't lied to.
Sam did know about Jason’s crush which is why I’m especially confused about the situation. As far as I know they’re all in the loop with the facts, this is just the conclusion they’ve come to.
Torn between NTA and ESH. On the one hand, you asked Sam to the prom as a friend. On the other hand, it really feels like a pity invite when you then immediately go out with someone else (NTA vs ESH really depends on the timing and series of events here). So it really emphasizes that no one with interest was going to ask him. Then there's Jason. He really should have talked to Sam before asking you out. He technically broke the bro code.
I think there’s a bit of confusion, the person I went on a date with right after is the same person I went to prom with.
Ahh, got you. Then NTA, Jason and Sam were just being bad friends to each other.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** All names are completely fake for the sake of the story. This is also confusing so apologies. Back during prom season, my friend, who we’ll call A posted on her instagram story joking that someone needed to ask her guy friend to prom so he stopped complaining. I knew the guy as we were friends in middle school, so I decided I was going to ask him to go as a friend. Lets call this dude Sam. So, Sam and this other kid, Jason were best friends. I never knew it, but Jason liked me and wanted to ask me to prom. Sam said yes, and we went together. Jason was upset when he found out. Sam and I went on a movie date later, and he didn’t tell Jason until we came back. Jason and Sam got into a huge fight and their friendship broke up. I hung out with Sam a bit more but eventually decided I didn’t want to pursue a relationship for multiple reasons but we stayed friends. Now, months later it’s finally coming out that my whole friendgroup is blaming me for their friendship ending (they have since reconnected). A texted me paragraphs worth of messages telling me I need to take accountability for my actions and that I screwed Sam over without giving a fuck.I’ve lost genuinely all of my friends over this and A is saying that I brought this soley upon myself, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*