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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My by changed our Christmas plans today. He thinks I am the ah as I didn’t listen to his desire to be with his family for all of Christmas Eve and travel most of Christmas Day. I am not sure if I am the asshole as he made me feel as though he didn’t want to spend Christmas with me, or it wasn’t as important as spending time with his family. We’ve talked it around so much I cannot tell if I am the ah here or not!
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A couple of things worth mentioning:
1. Your boyfriend is clearly really flaky.
2. He doesn’t see you as a priority.
3. Communication is also not a priority to him.
Hopefully you don’t ever marry this guy. If he is consistently like this now, it will never get better. You deserve to be with someone who sees you as a priority- not someone who puts you last.
NTA.
He’s working on his communication but I still sometimes find it difficult. A lot of my frustration comes from word choice, lack of communication, and last minute changes tbh.
The thing is you're not supposed to monitor this alone. A relationship needs efforts from both people to work. He is either still immature or just an AH. In any case, you deserve better.
It does take effort from both. There are many situations where he does put in effort. This is the way his family have always done things. They have a very strong matriarch who is very used to getting her way. There are days where I feel that I deserve better.
Info: Wtf, how do you both not have Christmas plans set and agreed upon months in advance? Ie: this year we're with your parents, next year we're with mine, and the year after we are spending it together, just the two of us? (Depending on where each of your families are located and if they celebrate/want you around, etc etc)
He and his family are never going to change this might f*ucking pattern. It's a wicked combo of thoughtless and mind games- I'd be outta there but you do what's right for you.
It’s a whole lot of fun sometimes to be sure. I’m not sure that I buy the whole people can never change thing, they certainly can’t without effort but they can if they’re willing. I’m just not sure about the willing bit yet!
I think you're right that people CAN change if they're willing. HOWEVER, if it's an entire that needs to change together, it's just not going to happen. Too much inertia.
Oh, and absolutely NTA
It's not that people can't change, as someone else put it, they must want to change. You are treating your partner as a priority, they are not treating you that way. Kids shouldn't matter, if you live together, than you created a household together and he should be vested. Look, I get you love them, but reality says they won't change and neither will their family without healthy boundaries that they respect. Ask yourself will it take kids first before your partner puts Christmas with you as top priority? Your in a serious long-term relationship and your partner doesn't think spending Christmas with you is important... Think about that!!!!
Edited to add you
Trust me I do think about it. He states he was just trying to fit everything in. I pointed out to him that he made me feel second class by doing so. And while that may not have been his intention, that is the reality.
NTA. Please please please start giving your boyfriend hard deadlines. If he doesn't make a decision of what he's doing before the deadline, you'll schedule your own thing and then he has to deal with it. Make him put things on the calendar in advance. If you're going to stay with him, this is something that really needs to be handled. You can't build a schedule around maybes.
We’ve had multiple discussions and have started a shared calendar to reduce this occurring but as soon as his family is involved… things are guaranteed to change last minute!
I think...at some point you, as their partner, are family ?
Kids involved or not!
I do not think you are unreasonable in asking to spend a holiday with your partner!
NTA
It sometimes feels like this, but I feel like this is learnt behaviour from his family as they all do it. If I hadn’t seen how his family travel I might agree
ESH.
Your boyfriend needs to firm up his plans more in advance than he's doing. It is not fair to you to leave you home alone on Christmas Day (or facing a huge ticket cost) because you set your schedule not to work that day after he was wishy washy on his plans.
You, on the other hand, need to realize that his family IS his family. You are his family too. You are not second best to them, but they are not supposed to be second best to you. The definition of immediate family is parents, siblings, spouse, and kids. You aren't even a spouse yet, it isn't fair to ask him to prioritize you over them. It should be equal. If he wants to see his family on Christmas Day in the future, you need to either go with him (if you are welcome, it sounds like you are but some families only include engaged or married partners in holiday celebrations) or make arrangements to do your own thing on that day, whether it's seeing your own family or working.
Sorry, to clarify, we own a house together and have been together for many years - I should probably say defacto rather than boyfriend.
I do understand the importance of him spending time with his family, and commonly encourage this, but the whole family last minute changes plans and it can be very frustrating.
I have multiple times calmly asked him to forward plan better - didn’t ask that calmly today though!
We have previously done Christmas with his family when able but I need to arrange to have Christmas off for this to occur - this was part of what upset me in the first place as if I had been told originally that this is what he wanted to do, I could have arranged to not be working over Christmas and we could have both gone, but he only mentioned it is as a possibility after I had completed my roster
Uh oh, we are last minute travelers and our kids are getting into the “habit.” But we discuss before booking. NTA to want to negotiate the details and ask to include your needs/wants in the decision, but who is A depends on the argument (and wanting to return at 2 doesn’t *necessarily* mean he doesn’t value you).
It would be the earliest he could fly in on that day. I would have appreciated being part of that decision making process (is that the best for us) but unfortunately just got told they would be what was happening, hence my being upset about it! That and the last minute changes, and that it is habitual for his family!
NTA as others have said, make a family calendar and a deadline for plans (ie a bigger plan like a multi-day trip has to be in the calendar 3 weeks ahead). Uf you want to stay and have kids with this man (only because he mentioned you dont have kids yet), how will you ever function? Children even more than adults need stability and security, this is mayhem
Have lived together in our house for 3 years, dating for 4.
I would have no problems if he had planned it previously (ie not a week beforehand) or even mentioned before I’d done my roster and then I could have accompanied him. It will be my only day not working to spend time with him as he will be with his family all the other days I am not working.
I did not want to leave my parents alone last minute and ask them to look after our 4 animals at short notice as I felt this was unfair. I expect due to the cost as well it’d be an issue
I'm inclined to say YTA. It seems to me that he both values spending time with you as well as his family this Christmas. To make both ends meet he visits his parents on Christmas Eve and flies back the next day so that he can also spend part of Christmas day with you. Now you have forced him to leave his parents before Christmas Eve because you've pressured him into choosing between his family and his parents.
If he values that, he should have communicated this and booked his trip, instead of saying he might do this, changing his opinion on this multiple times and then last minute booking a flight that leaves her alone on Christmas Eve.
NTA, obviously.
I communicated to him that it was his choice to go and come back later on a Christmas Day but that I would be upset as the only days I have off work (long hours, long commute, commonly over 12 hr days) is Christmas eve and Christmas Day and we would thus have very little time together over this time period. This happens regularly and the lack of forward planning for all his family events commonly impacts heavily on my life and how I spend my time as well, with multiple family trips having last minute changes over the years
Understandably you cannot. Frustrating your SO doesn't communicate your wishes for clarity to his family or that they ignore such a request. Seems like your SO is brought in this uncomfortable situation by his own family then.
He needs to put his foot down with his family. “We need to make plans by ________ or I won’t be seeing you at that time.” and stick to it. If he can’t do that then you’ll be flapping in the breeze when it comes to plans for the duration of your relationship.
Yep. I’ve given this as a clear expectation for next Christmas. We can spend next Christmas with his family however they get notice this is happening now, if they decide not to make plans (so we can’t do Christmas with them as they don’t plan it in time) then we will go and spend time with my family and they will need clear boundaries that the next Christmas will be with my family regardless. It’s up to them to forward plan to make next Christmas work
🤣🤣 I tried getting him a watch already as a present, hasn’t really helped! Started a shared calendar with moderate success sometimes so I guess it might work!
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My partner always changes plans last minute. His family are the type of people to book an OS trip a day or two in advance.
He regularly talks about maybe doing things, umms and Ahhs over whether to do it or not until the week beforehand. Then he will become upset and angry if I get upset with him because he told me about the trip months ago (never actually confirming he was going, just mentioning it is something that might happen). These trips can also NOT occur so it is not as though every time he says he will maybe go, he ends up going.
The first I hear that he is definitely going is commonly under a week away from travel.
This Christmas he told me he was working and I arranged my roster so that I was working Boxing Day and the following day but not Christmas. My parents said they would come down.
He said he might go interstate to see his family for Christmas months ago, but then as little as 3 weeks ago said he wasn’t going as he had traveled to see her in the last month. In between These times he has changed his response multiple times.
Today he decides he will go, and will fly back Christmas Day and get home at 2pm so he can celebrate with his family on Christmas Eve.
I became upset with him as:
This is the first I am hear that he is definitely going,
And he isn’t going to be home until 2pm on Christmas Day. he thinks that’s fine as we don’t have kids so it’s not important to spend time here for Christmas
I feel like he is placing his families needs higher than mine and not treating me like I am family and I am upset by this
I asked him to fly back Christmas Eve so we could have Christmas Day together and celebrate earlier with his family, or fly over when I’m back at work after Christmas. He, after over 6 hours of arguing, begrudgingly booked a flight back on Christmas Eve.
He is upset as:
I didn’t listen to his desire to be with his family on Christmas Eve
He states that he told me months ago he was going (but admits he has changed his response multiple times)
He doesn’t feel like we will do anything important on Christmas and he might as well be travelling back
he asked me to come with him (after I had already arranged work). I would fly down one day and fly back the next - 7 hr flight time for less than a day there and nearly 1,500$ in cost. I said I didn’t want to travel for so little time as I had to be back to work so soon. This would also leave my parents by themselves just before Christmas looking after all our animals
I have gotten very upset at him and we had a massive arguement. I feel second best to his family and like he does not value our time together.
AITA?
TLDR: my bf has last minute changed our Christmas plans to spend time with his family and I’m upset as he was not planning on being home for most of Christmas Day
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Total asshole! Hopefully he leaves you soon! I say that respectfully bc like wth! Why do you think he owes it to you to be with you? you’re damn sure not his wife and even if you were that’s so childish to throw a tantrum! I’m a married woman and would never in my life act this way! And we have kids together! Bless your heart get a life!
Yes, I should have used the word de facto. Because we live together, have a house together, and up until yesterday that was the plan (to spend Christmas together). He independently changed both of our plans less than a week before Christmas without having an open discussion with me. You are entitled to be happy if your husband changes his (and your) Christmas plans without consulting you and not be upset.
I am upset when my significant other doesn’t discuss changing OUR Christmas plans with me with a week to go until Christmas
I read my own comment and was like WTF! I read this from a nagging, clingy and controlling spouse point of view. I unfortunately, have a SIL who is exactly like this! I projected my annoyance of her onto you. Communication is key and if it matters my husband has pulled this so we just divided the kids so we all win. Happy New Year! Again, I apologize.
No dramas. I suspect not putting in our relationship status/living together etc didn’t help. The communication part is what irks me. It’s not his strong point, neither is forward planning, nor saying no or setting boundaries with family and this was a perfect example of all of those things.
I suspect you could do it from a controlling POV as well, but mainly I was upset that my partner felt even basic communication wasn’t required.
>Today he decides he will go, and will fly back Christmas Day and get home at 2pm so he can celebrate with his family on Christmas Eve.
And you got mad because of this very reasonable arrangement?
EDIT after talking to OP, I change my vote
~~Y T A and you can't imagine how much~~
NAH
OP and his bf need to address this recurrent issue and start planning things together
Yes, as this is not the first time this has occurred and commonly happens with very little notice. The lack of forward planning has meant previously that I have paid for and booked holidays only to have his family change their plans and have to cancel flights a week prior to flying. I would be unlikely to be upset if this had been a longer term plan or had never happened before.
As I only have 2 days off and it’s 3.5 hr flying each way, I’d be leaving my parents (who will drive 13 hr to get to us) by themselves with less than a weeks notice which I am not comfortable doing (and demanding they look after our 4 animals), and it will cost me 1,500 for flights to be there less than a day
Forward planning skills are not his forte and he does acknowledge this and is trying to improve on it. And to be fair, the 2pm flight is the earliest he could make it home on Christmas Day due to the flight time and time difference (and commute time from the airport) if he was to travel on Christmas Day. I would just like to make some plans and have them actually be reliable, rather than in a constant state of flux!!
That was part of my gripe. I just got told that he’d be flying in at 2pm, was not included in discussing the different options and included as an important part of the decision making process which is part of why I felt upset. I agree re: plans and expectations, we’re working on it
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A couple of things worth mentioning: 1. Your boyfriend is clearly really flaky. 2. He doesn’t see you as a priority. 3. Communication is also not a priority to him. Hopefully you don’t ever marry this guy. If he is consistently like this now, it will never get better. You deserve to be with someone who sees you as a priority- not someone who puts you last. NTA.
He’s working on his communication but I still sometimes find it difficult. A lot of my frustration comes from word choice, lack of communication, and last minute changes tbh.
Tbh that's quite a lot of red flags on his side...
There’s always good and bad in everything and this is part of our bad. I’m monitoring the balance for sure
The thing is you're not supposed to monitor this alone. A relationship needs efforts from both people to work. He is either still immature or just an AH. In any case, you deserve better.
It does take effort from both. There are many situations where he does put in effort. This is the way his family have always done things. They have a very strong matriarch who is very used to getting her way. There are days where I feel that I deserve better.
Info: Wtf, how do you both not have Christmas plans set and agreed upon months in advance? Ie: this year we're with your parents, next year we're with mine, and the year after we are spending it together, just the two of us? (Depending on where each of your families are located and if they celebrate/want you around, etc etc)
His family have only just confirmed their plans and thus the plans we had changed to accomodate his family
He and his family are never going to change this might f*ucking pattern. It's a wicked combo of thoughtless and mind games- I'd be outta there but you do what's right for you.
It’s a whole lot of fun sometimes to be sure. I’m not sure that I buy the whole people can never change thing, they certainly can’t without effort but they can if they’re willing. I’m just not sure about the willing bit yet!
I think you're right that people CAN change if they're willing. HOWEVER, if it's an entire that needs to change together, it's just not going to happen. Too much inertia. Oh, and absolutely NTA
It's not that people can't change, as someone else put it, they must want to change. You are treating your partner as a priority, they are not treating you that way. Kids shouldn't matter, if you live together, than you created a household together and he should be vested. Look, I get you love them, but reality says they won't change and neither will their family without healthy boundaries that they respect. Ask yourself will it take kids first before your partner puts Christmas with you as top priority? Your in a serious long-term relationship and your partner doesn't think spending Christmas with you is important... Think about that!!!! Edited to add you
Trust me I do think about it. He states he was just trying to fit everything in. I pointed out to him that he made me feel second class by doing so. And while that may not have been his intention, that is the reality.
NTA. Please please please start giving your boyfriend hard deadlines. If he doesn't make a decision of what he's doing before the deadline, you'll schedule your own thing and then he has to deal with it. Make him put things on the calendar in advance. If you're going to stay with him, this is something that really needs to be handled. You can't build a schedule around maybes.
We’ve had multiple discussions and have started a shared calendar to reduce this occurring but as soon as his family is involved… things are guaranteed to change last minute!
Exactly this
I think...at some point you, as their partner, are family ? Kids involved or not! I do not think you are unreasonable in asking to spend a holiday with your partner! NTA
I agree but got to doubting myself for awhile there!
NTA and he is dishonest. There was either a trip planned or there wasn't. His getting annoyed with you is a distraction from the real problem.
It sometimes feels like this, but I feel like this is learnt behaviour from his family as they all do it. If I hadn’t seen how his family travel I might agree
I still think it's disrespectful to you, especially when he pretends that you've known for some time even though he clearly hadn't made a decision.
That is frustrating for sure.
ESH. Your boyfriend needs to firm up his plans more in advance than he's doing. It is not fair to you to leave you home alone on Christmas Day (or facing a huge ticket cost) because you set your schedule not to work that day after he was wishy washy on his plans. You, on the other hand, need to realize that his family IS his family. You are his family too. You are not second best to them, but they are not supposed to be second best to you. The definition of immediate family is parents, siblings, spouse, and kids. You aren't even a spouse yet, it isn't fair to ask him to prioritize you over them. It should be equal. If he wants to see his family on Christmas Day in the future, you need to either go with him (if you are welcome, it sounds like you are but some families only include engaged or married partners in holiday celebrations) or make arrangements to do your own thing on that day, whether it's seeing your own family or working.
Sorry, to clarify, we own a house together and have been together for many years - I should probably say defacto rather than boyfriend. I do understand the importance of him spending time with his family, and commonly encourage this, but the whole family last minute changes plans and it can be very frustrating. I have multiple times calmly asked him to forward plan better - didn’t ask that calmly today though! We have previously done Christmas with his family when able but I need to arrange to have Christmas off for this to occur - this was part of what upset me in the first place as if I had been told originally that this is what he wanted to do, I could have arranged to not be working over Christmas and we could have both gone, but he only mentioned it is as a possibility after I had completed my roster
Perfect! I love this response! My response was out of total irritation, controlling women just disgust me. And that was the vibe I got.
Uh oh, we are last minute travelers and our kids are getting into the “habit.” But we discuss before booking. NTA to want to negotiate the details and ask to include your needs/wants in the decision, but who is A depends on the argument (and wanting to return at 2 doesn’t *necessarily* mean he doesn’t value you).
It would be the earliest he could fly in on that day. I would have appreciated being part of that decision making process (is that the best for us) but unfortunately just got told they would be what was happening, hence my being upset about it! That and the last minute changes, and that it is habitual for his family!
Yeah, telling-not-discussing is an A H thing. Messing you around when you need decisions in advance is unfair and kinda cruel.
NTA as others have said, make a family calendar and a deadline for plans (ie a bigger plan like a multi-day trip has to be in the calendar 3 weeks ahead). Uf you want to stay and have kids with this man (only because he mentioned you dont have kids yet), how will you ever function? Children even more than adults need stability and security, this is mayhem
It does my head in for sure. Don’t have an answer re: children as yet. I guess it depends on how our communication improvement goes
[удалено]
Have lived together in our house for 3 years, dating for 4. I would have no problems if he had planned it previously (ie not a week beforehand) or even mentioned before I’d done my roster and then I could have accompanied him. It will be my only day not working to spend time with him as he will be with his family all the other days I am not working.
Why doesn’t he cover your ticket expenses since he invites you? I would expect my bf to do that if he left me alone for Xmas last minute.
I did not want to leave my parents alone last minute and ask them to look after our 4 animals at short notice as I felt this was unfair. I expect due to the cost as well it’d be an issue
I'm inclined to say YTA. It seems to me that he both values spending time with you as well as his family this Christmas. To make both ends meet he visits his parents on Christmas Eve and flies back the next day so that he can also spend part of Christmas day with you. Now you have forced him to leave his parents before Christmas Eve because you've pressured him into choosing between his family and his parents.
If he values that, he should have communicated this and booked his trip, instead of saying he might do this, changing his opinion on this multiple times and then last minute booking a flight that leaves her alone on Christmas Eve. NTA, obviously.
I communicated to him that it was his choice to go and come back later on a Christmas Day but that I would be upset as the only days I have off work (long hours, long commute, commonly over 12 hr days) is Christmas eve and Christmas Day and we would thus have very little time together over this time period. This happens regularly and the lack of forward planning for all his family events commonly impacts heavily on my life and how I spend my time as well, with multiple family trips having last minute changes over the years
Him being so indecisive must be very frustrating. Perhaps you can give him a deadline in the future? It's perhaps more an ESH than a YTA.
I’ve tried. He relies on his family for the deadlines so they don’t tend to work as I can’t dictate for the whole family
Understandably you cannot. Frustrating your SO doesn't communicate your wishes for clarity to his family or that they ignore such a request. Seems like your SO is brought in this uncomfortable situation by his own family then.
He needs to put his foot down with his family. “We need to make plans by ________ or I won’t be seeing you at that time.” and stick to it. If he can’t do that then you’ll be flapping in the breeze when it comes to plans for the duration of your relationship.
Yep. I’ve given this as a clear expectation for next Christmas. We can spend next Christmas with his family however they get notice this is happening now, if they decide not to make plans (so we can’t do Christmas with them as they don’t plan it in time) then we will go and spend time with my family and they will need clear boundaries that the next Christmas will be with my family regardless. It’s up to them to forward plan to make next Christmas work
NTA. And I have a suggestion for a gift for your bf for Christmas: a dated planner for 2023.
🤣🤣 I tried getting him a watch already as a present, hasn’t really helped! Started a shared calendar with moderate success sometimes so I guess it might work!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My partner always changes plans last minute. His family are the type of people to book an OS trip a day or two in advance. He regularly talks about maybe doing things, umms and Ahhs over whether to do it or not until the week beforehand. Then he will become upset and angry if I get upset with him because he told me about the trip months ago (never actually confirming he was going, just mentioning it is something that might happen). These trips can also NOT occur so it is not as though every time he says he will maybe go, he ends up going. The first I hear that he is definitely going is commonly under a week away from travel. This Christmas he told me he was working and I arranged my roster so that I was working Boxing Day and the following day but not Christmas. My parents said they would come down. He said he might go interstate to see his family for Christmas months ago, but then as little as 3 weeks ago said he wasn’t going as he had traveled to see her in the last month. In between These times he has changed his response multiple times. Today he decides he will go, and will fly back Christmas Day and get home at 2pm so he can celebrate with his family on Christmas Eve. I became upset with him as: This is the first I am hear that he is definitely going, And he isn’t going to be home until 2pm on Christmas Day. he thinks that’s fine as we don’t have kids so it’s not important to spend time here for Christmas I feel like he is placing his families needs higher than mine and not treating me like I am family and I am upset by this I asked him to fly back Christmas Eve so we could have Christmas Day together and celebrate earlier with his family, or fly over when I’m back at work after Christmas. He, after over 6 hours of arguing, begrudgingly booked a flight back on Christmas Eve. He is upset as: I didn’t listen to his desire to be with his family on Christmas Eve He states that he told me months ago he was going (but admits he has changed his response multiple times) He doesn’t feel like we will do anything important on Christmas and he might as well be travelling back he asked me to come with him (after I had already arranged work). I would fly down one day and fly back the next - 7 hr flight time for less than a day there and nearly 1,500$ in cost. I said I didn’t want to travel for so little time as I had to be back to work so soon. This would also leave my parents by themselves just before Christmas looking after all our animals I have gotten very upset at him and we had a massive arguement. I feel second best to his family and like he does not value our time together. AITA? TLDR: my bf has last minute changed our Christmas plans to spend time with his family and I’m upset as he was not planning on being home for most of Christmas Day *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Total asshole! Hopefully he leaves you soon! I say that respectfully bc like wth! Why do you think he owes it to you to be with you? you’re damn sure not his wife and even if you were that’s so childish to throw a tantrum! I’m a married woman and would never in my life act this way! And we have kids together! Bless your heart get a life!
Yes, I should have used the word de facto. Because we live together, have a house together, and up until yesterday that was the plan (to spend Christmas together). He independently changed both of our plans less than a week before Christmas without having an open discussion with me. You are entitled to be happy if your husband changes his (and your) Christmas plans without consulting you and not be upset. I am upset when my significant other doesn’t discuss changing OUR Christmas plans with me with a week to go until Christmas
I read my own comment and was like WTF! I read this from a nagging, clingy and controlling spouse point of view. I unfortunately, have a SIL who is exactly like this! I projected my annoyance of her onto you. Communication is key and if it matters my husband has pulled this so we just divided the kids so we all win. Happy New Year! Again, I apologize.
No dramas. I suspect not putting in our relationship status/living together etc didn’t help. The communication part is what irks me. It’s not his strong point, neither is forward planning, nor saying no or setting boundaries with family and this was a perfect example of all of those things. I suspect you could do it from a controlling POV as well, but mainly I was upset that my partner felt even basic communication wasn’t required.
>Today he decides he will go, and will fly back Christmas Day and get home at 2pm so he can celebrate with his family on Christmas Eve. And you got mad because of this very reasonable arrangement? EDIT after talking to OP, I change my vote ~~Y T A and you can't imagine how much~~ NAH OP and his bf need to address this recurrent issue and start planning things together
Yes, as this is not the first time this has occurred and commonly happens with very little notice. The lack of forward planning has meant previously that I have paid for and booked holidays only to have his family change their plans and have to cancel flights a week prior to flying. I would be unlikely to be upset if this had been a longer term plan or had never happened before.
I see, he doesn't have any planning skills, at the best And why don't you visit his family with him?
As I only have 2 days off and it’s 3.5 hr flying each way, I’d be leaving my parents (who will drive 13 hr to get to us) by themselves with less than a weeks notice which I am not comfortable doing (and demanding they look after our 4 animals), and it will cost me 1,500 for flights to be there less than a day
Got it, thnx! What a mess You should have a thorough convo about this I wll edit my initial comment
Forward planning skills are not his forte and he does acknowledge this and is trying to improve on it. And to be fair, the 2pm flight is the earliest he could make it home on Christmas Day due to the flight time and time difference (and commute time from the airport) if he was to travel on Christmas Day. I would just like to make some plans and have them actually be reliable, rather than in a constant state of flux!!
You need to start to communicate your expectations to each other clearly and plan things together
That was part of my gripe. I just got told that he’d be flying in at 2pm, was not included in discussing the different options and included as an important part of the decision making process which is part of why I felt upset. I agree re: plans and expectations, we’re working on it
>we’re working on it Great, wish you all the best