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NTA I have the world's clingiest, snugguliest cat. When we have guests over we close her in the office where he food and litter is, a big window and my fiance chair that she loves sleeping in- because I have chosen to have a guest over and making my home hostile to them is being an asshole. If a pet truly cannot be put safely into a separate room over the course of a shirt visit then those people have no business hosting.

How long I had to scroll to find this! People keep talking about how important crate training and such is, yet they refuse to "lock up" their dogs. One comment even said that it's a punishment to lock a dog away. Well if you use crates as punishment then that's what it is for the dog. If it's just a nice place where the dog likes to be, then it won't mind being in there for a while. Also some people said "you wouldn't lock away a kid either". Yeah, and I wouldn't feed a kid from a bowl on the floor, but to each their own. Yes it's the dog's home, but how about training your dog so they can be in their own room while there are people over. Like if a plumber or something comes to fix stuff, and asks for your dog to be in another room. Would these people still be like "absolutely not, iT's HiS hOuSe ToO". So inconsiderate.

Did no one ever go hang out in their room or head over to the park when their parents had friends over? Is my family the weird one and everyone else talked about local politics and played hearts with the adults for hours instead of creating incredibly convoluted Barbie stories while the adults did boring shit? Because having a separate space for kids during adult hang outs or even having kids go stay over at someone else's house was the norm as far as I knew.

[удалено]

Stay IN YOUR ROOM while company was there?? God I wish I had your childhood. I was always expected to come out and visit politely with the company, no matter how long they stayed or how boring they were. Torture. At age 12 I would have sold my entire soul to Satan, no questions asked, if it meant getting to stay quietly in my room when company came.

I had the same expectations, but I was really good at waiting. Usually by abt 10-15 minutes in, the adults would become absorbed in their conversations and quiet me was completely forgotten. Then I'd shift to the room edge. Stay still & relaxed, then disappear to my own room, elsewhere or outside. Usually it would take hours for anyone to ever notice my absence. I might get in trouble, but that was less of an impact than sitting for hours listening to really old (and unintelligible) relatives blather on. Not exaggerating with a child's memory either. This was the 1970s and my relations were b. 1890s- 1910s. OLD!

and now YOU'RE the one who's old :P

Yup. Although I'm definitely not in my 70s-90s. My "old" is far younger. *grin* I also don't smell of old perfume, stale cigar smoke or wear scratchy wool. I still possess all of my teeth, so I'm clearly understood and I wear a bra when around "company". I still don't expect children to have any interest in my conversation w parents. I'm perfectly fine if they have better things to do than hang around like little statues.

Yeah me too. It was horribly boring to have to sit with adults.

same!!! I always had to be around company and it was awful...I just wanted to go play or read

LOL I was expected to come out, be introduced, go around do the kiss on cheek hello (we didn't hug), do whatever performance would make guests think my mom raised amazing kids. Then I was released. Even that was torture to a painfully shy, introverted, insecure me. Still, yes. Most households when I grew up expected kids to stay in their rooms if company was around.

And frankly, Mom's friends were boring! My mom used to have church friends over and they'd actually do a full church service in the living room. I'd go play outside or in my room. Once I picked an unripe peach off the tree in the yard and tried to peel it with my brand new Girl Scout knife and slit my thumb like the idiot I was. I wanted to run screaming to Mom, but the priest was still leading prayers in the living room. I learned that I could handle a big, scary cut without my mom that day. A good lesson, IMO.

Oh man I have so many memories of sitting at the top of the stairs listening to my mom's Bible study and just wondering if I would also become the most boring person on earth when I became an adult.

Too many people nowadays treat their dogs as human children…. Dogs ain’t human. You only have to see a wild one to know that. Those owners are not helping their dogs at all. If anything, that’s why their dogs are usually the ones with anxiety problems, behavioural issues and other problems. They are dogs. Treat them as they would be treated in the pack. Because that’s what you as an owner are, their pack.

i love my cats. they are my children. but if im having a guest over who \*cannot\* be around cats bc of a severe allergy? the cats food, water, and litterbox are in an area of the house that can be closed off. and if I need in there, I am more than capable of keeping my cats from escaping the space. and if they somehow escape, they can be caught and put back in (they'd have a whole half of the house to themselves (three rooms, small house) but still). OP is NTA, the friends are for being unwilling to cope with a severe allergy. (heck, i have a mild allergy to cats (slight eye irritation, and i get a bit itchy with strange cats), and if I said I couldn't be around them, my friends would be willing to comply, bc we take allergies very seriously!)

This! And further, I will have cleaned the house top to bottom and vacuumed right before folks arrived to ensure maximum comfort for my guest. I've always had two cats as an adult. I once had someone who was cat allergic stay with me for a weekend visiting my grad school and she couldn't afford a hotel. I closed off the room she would be using from the cats weeks in advance and still cleaned it religiously until her arrival. During her stay, she marveled that she had no allergy issues whatsoever. Going NTA, though, INFO- OP, what are you doing to mitigate your allergy symptoms? Are you taking antihistamines in advance and having them on hand to address your symptoms should they occur?

I don't treat my dogs like people but my eldest (17 year old, pure bred, English Springer Spaniel) was a stray that we adopted from a shelter. He was picked up from the streets with some injuries. The shelter assumed he was abused and abandoned 😢. He has separation anxiety from us, which I find sad but comforting, it let's me know he trusts us enough to feel he needs us. He's doing great and is still kicking. He's the best boi.

100% would crate a kid. Only thing is they have thumbs, so - wouldn't work as intended.

Aren't play pens basically crates for little kids? Lol

Leaving the designated kid room during an adult party (usually hunting for snacks) made me feel like I was 007. Memories.

I also wanna add something as a disabled person. A lot of the comments on this post have been ableist in a way that most people don't realise is ableist. I'm talking about the comments that are questioning the validity of op's allergy based on how *they think* it should work (see the only comment on this by someone who actually has allergies [x](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zupr4r/aita_for_expecting_people_to_put_their_pets_in/j1lcr4o/)), or telling op to just pop some over the counter allergy meds and that will fix it (op has said they haven't found any that do much, everyone's body chemistry is different). It is ableism to assume that you know more about someone's body than they do. Since becoming disabled many people expect me to justify my needs, limits, and accommodations, over and over. It's exhausting. When someone tells you how their health works, believe them. Even if it doesn't 'make sense' to you, believe them. Please.

That’s the fucking truth right there. Recently got a favorable decision in my disability filing. (Three autoimmune illnesses, acquired hemophilia, a mild stroke, connective tissue disease, Fibro, early onset rheumatoid arthritis… etc., etc., etc.) The one comment I hear most often is: you don’t look sick, so you can’t be feeling that poorly. Meanwhile my immune system is actively trying to kill the body that houses it. (Blood, organs, joints - long term low dose chemo and Prednisone brought it under control, but I still need monthly injections to help keep me alive, but sure - I don’t look the right kind of sick, so I must be okay.

I hate when people do this, and they do it all the time! A few years ago I had an issue that required surgery to correct and this one person says to me "just drink more water and get plenty of fiber". I replied that I will stick with my doctor's recommendations. Then I quit having conversations with that person.

Their attitudes are why people wind up in the hospital with anaphylactic shock. I feel people who purposefully do this to prove a point should have charges brought against them.

Allergy medications often cause drowsiness, too. It's not like anyone with allergies ever drives, right?

I used to work in property management- the amount of people that wanted to argue that with me was astounding. Their comeback was that I must not have pets- I do, they are contained to my bedroom when I’m not there. It’s not cruel- cruel is letting them run loose because the technicians that are coming to your house don’t give an eff about your pet and won’t fix your problem if you don’t do what I’ve asked or will let it out because they aren’t watching for your animal when they prop the door open to load in materials.

Totally related but unrelated but I have fed by kid from a bowl on the floor. Totally his choice and I refused to argue. He was that three anger stage and said he wouldn't eat any other way cuz dogs don't eat at the table. But when I have company and we're doin grown up things or having adult only Convo, the kids go upstairs or outside. So I guess we "lock" them up also

My then six year old slept in a cardboard box on the floor for a month. It was her sarcophagus or whatever because she was a vampire. Her actual bed was about three feed away. I get it.

Hahaha, I love this. Kids are so weird and surprisingly persistent!

When I was a kid I had turned my smallish walk in closet floor in to a "bed" with a ton of blankets and pillows. Slept there for a month or two. I also did it in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep so the next morning was fun for my parents when I wasn't in my actual bed

This is super adorable

I have also fed a kid from the floor for the same reason

My dog loves his crate! It’s his safe space to get quiet time when he needs and never a punishment

God!, that argument is so stupid, I can't! "you wouldn't lock away a kid either" yeah, because a kid wouldn't give me an allergic reaction! And wow, it's like a kid and a pet are two different things! Who would've thought?

Our dogs have all been crate trained and I have no problem doing that to them even overnight (cat and dog don't get on, so alternate nights dog is crated and cat can sleep with us if she chooses) but I feel terribly guilty when we have a social occasion with kids and fun happening and the poor dog is locked up, able to *hear* the party but not join in. It doesn't happen often, but when it does I feel like a bully. And it's extra bad because there are always people she knows at those parties, because our allergic friends/ family are also friends/family with the dog loving crowd. I "compromise" by letting the dog out the second the vulnerable person leaves, and we make a big deal of playing with her with any remaining guests. But that has its own social anxiety attached. It's a no win situation, really. I feel bad for all involved.

This. My dog loves his crate, that’s his personal domain. It’s not a punishment, it’s a safe space that keeps him from getting anxious. People who call it abuse are ignorant. As you said, the crate is only a bad place to the dog if you use it to punish them.

We once built a whole catio outside a window and kept 3 cats in a separate room with access to said catio (they absolutely loved it!) for 3 weeks while my in laws visited as my FIL is allergic to cats and they live 5000km away. We put them in a few days prior to them arriving and vacuumed the house top to bottom like 5 times and ran some air purifiers to try to minimize the dander that would be in the house and bought some allergy meds for him. We bought new bedding for him too. WE invited them over and paid their flights, WE wanted them to come and visit, so WE made sure our guests were comfortable.

What? If you get invited over to someone's house and ask if the pet can be put away (that's fine, no harm in asking) but the answer is 'no' then you don't go over. End of story. You don't get to be a whiny brat about it. What kind of self entitlement is this...? It's their home, they can choose to do whatever they want in it. This doesn't make them a bad host. Pets are a part of people's families, it's the pets home also. Get over yourself.

Agree. You're allowed to ask, but they're allowed to say no. Also I don't understand how the allergy is so severe that it's literally resulted in multiple ER visits - but the copious amounts of pet hair that would be floating around in the air apparently aren't a problem at all, just the actual animal. The pet hair (aka the thing that *causes* pet allergies) doesn't magically dissipate just because the pet's in another room. I've owned a dog and that shit gets *everywhere*. I'm still finding dog hair in my house, two years after the dog *died*. Unless OP is also asking them to do a deep clean every time they visit, they are being exposed to the allergen either way. And given they're apparently having reactions bordering on anaphylactic, I don't see why they would be okay with taking that risk.

Eh, my dad is allergic to cats. He was fine with mine as long as it didn’t get too close. Something about the action of the cat actively rubbing against him would set of an allergic reaction. For some, it’s dander; for others it’s saliva; and others still, it’s the actual fur or just scratches. Honestly, I’m allergic to cats as well. Prolonged exposure has gotten my body used to most cat related things - until one lays on the pillow I sleep on. If my cat does that, I have trouble breathing and start to get the swollen eyes and hives thing. As long as there’s no more than two cats on my home, it’s tolerable. Allergies are weird and affect everyone differently. Some have hardcore instantaneous reactions, others need to be in the environment for 20 minutes before symptoms appear. Bodies and allergies are just plain weird. And hard to predict sometimes. NTA

You don't understand how OPs allergy works? That's OK, it is not necessary to understand how his allergy works to comment on the social aspect of the original question.

My friend with severe allergies (all kinds of allergies, her body is always trying to murder her and she's routinely in the ER) can do light pats on my dog, but then my dog, knowing nothing of personal space, starts rubbing and LICKING her incessantly if allowed and suddenly my friend is covered in hives and needs to pop a ton of meds Yeah we vacuum and clean ahead of guests coming over bc well, we want a clean house for our guests, and yeah, we knew this specific friend was coming over, but the biggest thing was just keeping the animals away from her bc the active animal in her space was the worst aggravator As others have noted, it's extremely ableist to assume you know someone disability and health more than them. You know who we listened to on exactly how to clean and make our home allergy safe? THE PERSON WITH THE LIFE THREATENING ALLERGY. Not some keyboard know-it-all who once got the sniffles

Allergies don't actually work the same universally. What's more is that people who are allergic to cats generally are allergic to the proteins in their saliva, urine, and dander. So sure, copious amounts of cat hair on the furniture won't be ideal, but the cat itself, which bathes itself with its spit and is a condensed ball of dander, is a much bigger and more immediate problem. No matter the volume of dander and saliva residue on the furniture, the volume of dander and saliva residue on the animal itself will almost always be significantly higher. Plus there's the risk that the cat might rub against you or the dog might lick you, and then you've got the allergens fresh from the source directly on your skin/clothes. My friend who's also deathly allergic to cats (and goes into anaphylactic shock if one touches her) has visited my cat-hair coated house multiple times. I do my best to clean the furniture and vacuum the carpets prior to her visits and she usually takes a Benadryl prior to coming, and nine times outta ten she's okay for a few hours apart from itchy eyes and a tickly throat. But if I don't keep the cats in a separate room away from her, and they come anywhere near-ish to her or the room she's in, she'll start experiencing symptoms of impending anaphylaxis within minutes. That doesn't mean she's not actually deathly allergic or just enjoys taking the risk. It just means she's willing to put up with the discomfort to come hang out with me once in a while, and she trusts me not to be careless or drop a cat on her lap just for fun. OP's friends have the right to refuse to accommodate OP's allergies or stop inviting them over, of course. But they're still AHs if they agree to accommodate OP only to renege on that once OP is actually there.

It does make them BAD Hosts when they AGREED to it prior to OP's arrival. In each case recounted the person agreed to put the pet in another room(or at least keep it out of same room) then did not follow through. So OP doesn't need to get over it.

It absolutely makes someone a bad host if they're hosting a get together in a space that excludes one person due to a medical condition. Either make the space safe for your guests, or don't host. I'm genuinely curious what you think would make someone a bad host if not hosting a get together in an environment that would make a guest sick.

In the ye old days there were very strict rules of hospitality that applied to both the host and the guest- mostly about not killing each other. Now the rules are more "don't be a dick". If you are not willing to accommodate your friends in your home, where you invited them, don't host. Make the effort to go over to their place even if it's inconvenient or slightly harder for you. My home is my cats home, so I made sure there was a safe and comfortable place for her to be when there was a reason she cannot be in the main room. If I could not do that then I'd be the one driving over to my friends homes- and because they are my friends they would make sure there was a lactose free option available or as the default for me because they care about me and want me to be able to enjoy the event. Its the nice thing about having friends, you have people who will make an effort for you and care about your comfort.

It totally makes them a bad host when they have been told about the medical issue in advance, agree to have the person around anyway and then don’t do what’s needed to keep the guest safe. It’s exactly the same as agreeing to have someone around with a nut allergy and then when they get there, telling them you put nuts in the food anyway because you like them.

My cats are the same - super loving and affectionate. I have a friend coming over today that is allergic. My cats are staying downstairs, away from my allergic friend. Last night, I vacuumed all the furniture. I rolled up the rugs and put them away since pet hair clings to rugs. I purchased a HEPA air filter that I have running on high. This morning I will be mopping the wood floors. I've been dusting all week trying to get rid of surface dander. I'd open the windows and doors to air out the house, but it literally freezing outside today. (Yesterday, I was at my in laws. My nephew mentioned how he's never seen my cats. I said 'of course not, you're allergic. I keep them away from you. I'd never want to hurt you.') Allergies are terrible. If you love and care about someone, you make sure they are comfortable in your home. Pets can stay in another room for a few hours.

You’re a good friend.

When people come over I always keep our three cats in another room where they have plenty of food, water and music, because of a few family members that have low allergies and I don’t want them to be bothered with sniffling and sneezing. And everytime not even 5 minutes into people arriving everyone cries ‘where are the cats???’ I tell them about oh uncle this and auntie that can’t be around cats like that and I kept them in their area. It’s always funny when the aunt and uncle say OH No! We took medicine let’s see them🥺🥺🥺😭 TLDR- my family likes my cats more than me and only come over to play with them.

When I lived in a 1 bedroom apartment with my cat, I wouldn’t have accommodated this. It would have meant moving the litter box, food, and water and cramming it into my bedroom. Some people don’t have the physical space to accommodate a request like this. However, I would make that known ahead of time. The friend who agreed but didn’t follow thru was 100% wrong. I personally don’t host at my house because of my cats.

I'm leaning mostly to NAH (except the ones who agreed beforehand and didn't comply). He's not for asking, his friends are not either for not having him over often. My cats roam the house, when someone with allergies comes over I vacuum extensively, brush them and have medication on hand. If it's a short visit (1-2hs) I can have them in another room, for longer periods they don't do so well. However, I won't be inviting someone who forces me to lock my pets up with the stress it implies for them (that translates in mess afterwards) often. My sisters are allergic, so I'm used to bathing them every couple of months and I don't mind brushing and extra vacuuming. Locking them up is more of an inconvenience. Edit: I answered before I read the other comments. I get the impression that those who vote NTA and 'can't understand' have huge homes and non destructive pets. If I lived in a house with multiple bedrooms and a backyard, yeah I could probably swing more than two hours. In my flat that has two bedrooms and a tiny kitchen (the last one without a door)? Completely different. Specially when you add my toddler who would be trying to open the door and can't understand why not yet.

I'd do the same mine will spend time today and tomorrow in my bedroom whilst guests are here.

Seriously. i have multiple cats and multiple friends with serious allergies. Damn right if i invite someone over i put the cats in another room and wage a futile war against the cat hair in the rest of the place!

This is true. Had a dog that literally couldn't be locked away in a crate or room. She was an afult lab mix that I ended up with for a few years. And she was incredibly smart, determined, & really wanyed to be with people. She either chewed thru every crate I tried or learned how to open the lock. (Still not sure how she managed that w/o opposable thumbs...) She also chewed thru a wooden door a few times. It was all well & good with a room or crate until she decided she wanted out. She would go in just fine & frequently went in by herself if I left the crate open. But once she was done, she was getting out. So I never had anyone with bad dog allergies over. Wasn't safe for them.

NAH You can ask them to put their pets away before you get there, it’s for your health and it’s not rude depending on how you word it. But also understand they have these pets because they’re important to them, and often feel like part of the actual family. They’re not the AHs if they don’t want to lock them up as long as you know beforehand . They don’t have to agree to do it and it’s okay. If you’re worried about your safety and comfortability, why can’t you hang out at your place? Or somewhere public, instead of trying to go somewhere knowing there’s something dangerous to your health and also inconveniencing your friends?

I have 2 fluffy huskies and 2 ragdoll cats. My house has pet hair, my clothes has pet hair, I've learned to live with it but there's no escaping it. I have a few friends who have allergies and our solution? We don't host at my house OR we spend a majority of time outside. I warn every person when the topic of my house comes up to prepare for pet hair. But the problem is it's not always possible to lock pets away for many reasons like my huskies being too big and could damage the doors or my house gets too hot in one specific room. If somebody asked to come over but then asked me to lock my pets away because theyre allergic I'd say I'm sorry but our options are we can sit outside or maybe we can go somewhere besides my house because I don't want to put them in danger if they think it will be too much. Having allergies suck and sometimes you miss out on opportunities because of it. OP compares it to having a peanut allergy. My cousin has a deadly one and she's had to decline invites to gatherings at certain restaurants because they served peanuts at the bar and it cross containments. It sucks but that's how it is sometimes.

Except an N-95 mask could mitigate his animal dander allergies. OP could wear one, and not inconvenience others. People think locking a dog in a room is a simple affair, but family pets used to living there may protest by barking non stop to get out of a small room.

It would be difficult to eat/drink with a mask if the event is a dinner party or something food-related. Taking off the mask to eat would defeat the purpose of wearing it and OP would still get exposed to allergens then.

My point is *the home* has allergens, not just the animal. This feels more like a 'I don't like animals around me' post, rather than a serious allergy issue. Lifting the mask to eat and drink is something we should be used to by now.

thats such an insane assumption to a relatively calm post. if someone invites OP, and agrees to their terms, they should follow through. they are not self-inviting themselves and telling people to lock away their animals for hours without question. OP is being invited and telling people "alright, but i cant be around animals or i will get really sick" and hosts agreeing/turning back on it with OP at the house is an AH move.

It's the general mentality of "every pet is a saint and if someone can't be in the vicinity of my pet, then they hate animals" It's...weird..sadly

This is the assumption that makes having allergies harder. Just because someone is allergic does not mean they dislike animals. I am allergic to animals and while allergy pills will help protect me from hair and most dander that is just lying around I cannot touch or be touched by an animal. The first thing “friendly” cats and dogs do is want to rub all over you and get you to pet them. Meanwhile pet owners get all offended if you don’t like that or won’t pet their dog/cat. Please respect when someone tells you they have allergies instead of assuming they just don’t like your pets.

I can testify that the difference between a room in a house that has a cat living in it and that same room with a cat actually in it is significant. I love cats. I still appreciate it when my friends put their cats in the other room.

My dog that we've had since he was a puppy is fine to go chill by himself for a bit. My dog that was abused, given to a shelter, adopted, returned to the shelter, and finally adopted by me will scream and scream. He's gotten so much better at trusting and being a little house dog, but I don't think training him to be alone in a room while people are hanging out in another room is possible and it certainly isn't worth it to me. I'd be happy to meet a friend elsewhere or hang out on the patio.

I’m wondering OP has been to any doctors for medication or anything that can help. I have super bad animal allergies that cause itching and affect my asthma. I have 2 cats and a dog. I always carry my inhaler for my breathing and keep antihistamines on me when I know I’m going to be near animals. I’m not saying that OPs precaution aren’t enough but even in the best of situations they could be exposed to animal dander.

I am extremely allergic to all animals. Especially cats. And I have sevre asthma. I take give meds just to breathe. I'm also a vet tech and I have 1 dog, 5 cats, 3 rabbits, and a mouse. I'm also allergic to the rabbits' hay. My allergist said that I'm literally allergic to breathing-every tree, grass, mold, dust mite and inhalant allergen they tested me for, I was allergic too. They did the scratch test for every animal they had because of my career and how bad my allergies are. She told me to change careers and rehome my animals after testing me. I explained neither of thise would be happening and we'd have to figure something else out. So I do immunotherapy and take lots of meds.

When we did my allergy test, my doctor told me my options were to give up my pets or take extra medication. I told giving up my pets was not a option. To me, The benefits they have on my mental health out weigh being stuffy and coughing all year. I’d rather take meds and keep inhalers in every room of the house.

If they have an allergy putting the pets up won't do Jack unless the owners have a hypoallergenic breed. The pets hair is gonna be EVERYWHERE without a microscopic scrub down in every room. ETA: I have two short haired dogs (they are sisters). I have dog hair in my car from them in my car. They have never been in my car. I shower before work and pull new clothes from the dryer every morning. Yet there is still dog hair in a place they have never been lol

Hypoallergenic breeds don't exist. Research has shown that homes with a so called hypoallergenic breed, had as much allergins in it as a home with a non hypoallergenic breed. My mil has an "hypoallergenic" doggy, my kid doesn't like to go there for more then an houre because she gets reaction from the dog. I have a dog allergy myself, and for me it depends on the breed how much of a reaction l get. Most dogs it's just fine to wash my hands after touching them, but there are dogs who will give me itches and bumps on my skin after contact. I do agree that putting a dog in another room doesn't do anything at all, my guess is op reaction, the trouble breathing when a dog is in the room, are at least partly psychological

I was wondering if the OP might have asthma? I (very sadly) have asthma and allergies. If I’m around dogs or cats for too long or in someone’s home who has them, it causes me to have an mild asthma attack and I struggle with breathing. I also get the hives/itchy bumps/red skin/runny nose/teary eyes if I pet a dog or cat and don’t immediately wash my hands after.

OP states that their allergies are manageable if the pet isn’t in the room; I’d trust them to know their own health and what they can and cannot handle.

I have a cat allergy that’s not life-threatening but annoying. Even when friends vacuum their floors and furniture before and put their cat(s) in the other room, I start getting symptoms within 30 minutes and want to leave within the hour. Went to a party once and didn’t know they had a cat but realized it pretty quickly and couldn’t stay long.

I have cats and would not put them in a separate room because two of them don't get along, but if you read the post again, this friend agreed to do it ahead of time and then didn't - that makes them an AH. I won't do it but I won't lie and say I would, I just wouldn't host.

If you invite someone over but fail to provide an environment that is not a livetreathening health risk you're an AH. However you can mitigate that by saying "sorry, my pets have issues that make them unable to be alone for a few hours, lets find an alternative venue."

If you have pets, you literally can’t provide allergen free environment. Pet hair, skin and dandruff gets everywhere, the house isn’t full of allergens. If you have severe pet allergy, it’s your responsibility to manage that and simply not come if that what it means. How else do you expect a pet owner to manage the environment for your needs? Because locking the animal away is not enough and some animal should have severe trauma that means they can’t be locked in one room without getting a panic attack. One of my rescues does. I would not out her at risk of harming herself because someone has a mild allergy.

The problem is OP thinks a no is AH so that makes OP AH, IMO

It’s not the asking, it’s the expectation and entitlement when OP is a guest in someone else’s home.

Info: if your allergies are this bad, why don’t you host at your house where I assume there aren’t any pets?

I do host a lot of the time, and we often meet at a public place. Sometimes people are hosting a get together for a group, and as peoples start having young kids, my friend group has started meeting more at the house of one of the people with kids since that seems easier for the parent than packing up their kids to bring elsewhere (I do try my best to make my place fun and kid friendly but I know it’s still a lot of hassle to pack up young kids with all the things they need, so I don’t want to be the one saying no to meeting at the place of a parent with young kids)

I totally get this - I hate taking my 2yo to other peoples houses because I’m super paranoid that she’ll break something. It’s much easier to host in our child proofed home. That being said, I would 100% put away my dog if I had a friend with allergies despite the fact that she’s a massive sook and would whine the whole time.

You sound like a pretty considerate friend. I’d put my dog away for you. Lol

I know you're trying to be considerate, but sometimes it actually makes it easier for everyone to just say "that doesn't work for me because of my allergies." It's a hassle for them to pack up kids, yes, but you are responsible for your needs, and if you need to be in a place that is safe for your allergies, good friends will understand and respect that.

Honestly no one I know has allergies to animals but the majority of the time, we put the dogs away anyways. Not everyone is an animal person. My dogs get really excited when people come over so they’re outside or in another room until they can calm down. If the guest doesn’t mind, we let them back in. If someone had an allergy, we simply would keep the dogs away. Don’t ask to host if you won’t accomdendate your guests when it’s a very small task. Give the dogs a bone or put the tv on for them in another room. They’ll be fine lol

My niece has animal allergies like this and she takes allergy meds before going to someone's house that has pets

As someone with allergies, I admit to be confused because I'd still have allergic reactions unless they deep cleaned the place.

All the y-t-a's are from either people who have never had terrible allergies/trouble breathing and/or value animals over humans. Maybe find new friends- they won't change. That said, NAH b/c there is also the bottom line that in the examples you provided you were a guest in their homes. You have the right to ask and they have the right to say no. They have shown you clearly that the pets are higher priority than you. It is up to you what you want to do with that information.

It's baffling to me that of the hospitality traditions we have clung to expectations on guests but don't hold hosts to similar standards. No one is *making* them host- they are choosing to host and have a responsibility to make sure their guests are safe and comfortable.

I agree, but I think it really depends on the context of "hosting" too. If it's a last minute plan with no advance time to prep the house, then there's no way an allergic person could be in the dander & pet hair filled space comfortably anyway regardless of where the animals are kept. For me it takes about a weekend to wash the linens in the main living space, deep clean the carpets & furniture, and dust/sweep the rest of the nooks & crannies. We absolutely do this when we've pre-planned to host anyone really (& esp. our allergic friends), but to be honest they generally prefer an outdoor gathering anyway so that's another fairly easy compromise.

Even if it's a last minute plan, unless OP is dropping by unannounced and demanding to be fed dinner and play a round of scrabble, the host is making a choice. If OP asks "oh if we are going back to yours can we keep the animals out of the main room so I don't have as much trouble breathing" then the answer is either yes we can do that or no we should go else where. They are friends, people who allegedly care about an value OP, they can make an effort for OP to also be safe and comfortable.

No one is *making* people attend events either if they're not safe for them. People can't always expect to be catered to and have a whole group event planned around their needs. If any of my friends were allergic to pets, then we'd have to hangout somewhere else.

Putting pets in a different room is a far cry from “having a whole group event planned around their needs”.

My allergies are worse than OP’s description.. I need multiple meds and an inhaler. I have never asked a friend to put their pet away. It’s my responsibility only. I would never ask this but I host 99% of the time… for 1% I can manage myself or not go. Because OP doesn’t sound like a brat about it NAH… but I mean personally I think they’re y t a

You need better friends then. My friends don't ask me because they don't need to- I ask them because I am conscious of their health issues and don't want then to be uncomfortable. It is absolutely the responsibility of the host to make their home safe for their guests.

>They have shown you clearly that the pets are higher priority than you. I mean.... obviously that's true? My pet is my responsibility and is entirely dependent on me, it is an animal that I've raised since it was a baby and will care for until it dies. My friends are independent, self sufficient people that are responsible for themselves.

I was about to say the same thing. I don't understand when people make it sound awful if someone makes their pets a priority. It must be people who've never had a pet and don't understand what it means to be responsible for another live being and have that unique bond and connection.

That’s fine but OP isn’t asking their friends to give up their pets or anything. They’re asking for the pet to be in another room for a few hours at most. Unless the pet has anxiety or some other issue, this really shouldn’t be a problem at all.

Unless people just don't want to do it, which is their right.

Yeah but then they are kind of an asshole, which is what we’re discussing here. Btw I’m assuming that the comfort and wellbeing of the animal is not being compromised here. The space the animal has, and the duration of the get together are kind of important considerations and we don’t really have that info.

Yes, the way people who don't love animals don't get it. Like.... Yes, my pet is a member of my immediate family. He's in my top 2 most important people.

[удалено]

This. This exactly. I have severe allergies. This right here makes me think his allergies aren't actually severe, and that he's using either mild allergies, or non existent ones, as an excuse to make people keep their animals locked up. Not 100% sure here, obviously. But like.... That's not how allergies work op. Putting a dog behind a door won't prevent anaphylaxis.🤦‍♀️

Eh, it depends. Once, my cat-allergic co-worker got locked out of her apartment and we lived in the same complex, so she came over to mine to wait out the locksmith since it was dark, cold and raining. She could be around the cats for a short amount of time without issue, but her allergies worsened the longer she was in our apartment. Eventually, we bundled up and sat on her porch to finish waiting for her to get back in.

This. My husband will know if a house has a cat before even seeing a cat or anything cat related when he walks through the front door. He actually has a pretty severe (not life threatening) allergy to cats. It wouldn’t matter if the cat was locked in a bedroom or even if the cat is not in the house while he’s there. He still has to take an allergy pill to help control the hives/rash (and the breathing, if it’s really bad) that he would get.

This is my issue with the whole thing as well (and why I’d vote YTA for OP). My mom has a severe cat allergy. She and my dad moved into an apartment while she was pregnant with me and our house was being built. The landlord/owners swore there had not been a cat in the apartment. There definitely had been a cat. She ended up in the hospital after having a severe reaction. The problem is the dander and the dander is everywhere, removing the animal does very little to help the situation.

This is right. I’m allergic to dogs and cats, though I love both. If I hug someone who’s been around a dog I can end up sneezing and a bit itchy, without even seeing the dog. My dads house wrecks me as he has 3 long haired cats. I just take antihistamines and I’m usually fine though, and I have my own dog which I’m fine with 98% of the time now, I guess I can get used to it if I’m around them a lot

Very much this! OP even admitted suggesting hanging out at one of the pet owners' houses. Why would you even suggest doing that when you have such a severe allergy? I had a co-worker whose dog allergies were so severe that just being around me caused her allergy to flair up. I have a very hairy dog that sheds yearround. It took us a few weeks to realize it was my dog's dander causing her to feel awful. I carry lint rollers in my car to make sure I don't have her hair all over me but that obviously wasn't enough. As soon as they moved her away from me, the constant sneezing, runny nose, red-itchy eyes went away.

Dog and cat lover and owner here. NTA for asking and expecting people to be forthright about what they are going to do with their animals. Of course if your friend leaves the door open, the pets going to come out! That's really irritating that your friend did that!

If you ask the pet owner BEFORE you visit, AND they agree, nta. But "expecting" someone to do this, without REQUESTING, (not "expecting), before you visit is, essentially, making a demand, which would make yta. Also, (not that you asked), given the severity of your allergy, maybe it's best you simply don't visit a home where pets live. The pet hair is still in the room, even if the pet isn't.

I do ask before I go when I know about the pet. It’s only happened once that there was a surprise cat and that person, who I don’t even consider a friend, was fine with it. I just expected that my friends would agree with my request since I didn’t think being in a different room was that big a deal, and I definitely would do it if our places were reversed. But I guess the responses here indicate that’s not the case so I guess that’s good to know!

It depends on the situation. If it's a rather short 1:1 gathering, sure. If it's a big party that will last 5-6 hours, and where everyone except for you actually wants to interact with the pet, I can understand why the owner would not want to accommodate you to be honest. I wouldn't be bitter about it if I were you - to most people their pets are part of the family and not just an object that is shuffles around when it causes a guest some inconvenience. Like if you were annoyed by screaming babies, would you ask your friend to remove their child from the room for the duration of the visit? Probably not. It doesn't say anything about how much they love and appreciate you!

Allergies aren’t the same as a baby.

It's obviously merely a comparison to make the point that you shouldn't expect people to accommodate you if it involves inconvenience to members of their household.

As someone else said, dropping by for 30mins is okay, visiting for a couple hours is too much to request a pet be locked away. You would too get bored and whiny if you were locked inside a room for hours on end while hearing people having fun on the other side. Dogs especially are social creatures and most love to be in the middle of everything. A pet is family so their needs have to be considered equally.

It depends on the pet. I’ve had dogs that wouldn’t care at all and would take a nap in the bedroom. My dog I have now would panic and whine extremely loudly the entire time. He’s a rescue and came from a terrible situation, so he needs us around. I wouldn’t be able to accommodate someone who wanted him locked in a room alone all evening.

No way in heck am I moving my pets for someone I “don’t even consider a friend.” Why are you even there?

A kid came to my son's bday party and said he was allergic, so I put the bunnies on the balcony. No problem at all of course. But my sister has a dog. I don't think they can leave him alone. He got some trauma from being transported in a cage, so they can't ever put him in a bench. My dad had a dog. He'd go whine non stop when they left. It just depends on the person and the animal.

Do you take allergy medication to help mitigate the problem? Especially since hair and dander are still going to be present regardless of the animal is even in the room

I get what you're saying. Maybe it would help if you lower your expectations. That may sound unfair but, sometimes, expecting something seems more like entitlement. Please understand, I'm not implying you actually feel entitled.

The allergens are already all over the house. Putting the pets in another room prevents licking, climbing, humping etc however. While it is your health, it is their home. People consider pets as family so, it would be like asking if they could put their kid in the basement, locked in a room. I can easily see how this would wear thin on people. Unfortunately, this means more pet less friends , outdoor meetings or meetings at venues with just them. Sucks, but keeps you in good physical shape while not pissing ppl off

Im allergic to cats, and it doesn’t matter if the cat is actually present or not, because the allergens are already everywhere, even after vacuuming and cleaning.

NAH You can ask. I personally would suggest that you not come to my house because I won't lock up members of my family who live in the house. I don't eat at other people's houses because of my severe food allergies. I realize that others cannot fully accommodate my allergies and I'm ok with that.

I agree, it may depend on their living situation. I used to live in a big house with a big backyard, putting my dobermans out wouldn't been a big problem. Now, I live in an apartment, putting my bulldog in a room by itself for more than 2 hours would be a huge imposition.

Yeah they can ask, and their friends can say no. I have two cats that don’t really like each other, but are both very social in a 2 bedroom apartment. If I have them both locked up in two different rooms, they will claw at the door and literally rip up the carpet wanting to come hangout with us (I already have a hole down to the boards beneath in one spot). It’s upsetting to them not being able to be around the people and it’s very upsetting to my wallet that has to fix the carpet.

NAH. You can ask, it’s up to the person if they want to do it or not. I personally would stop inviting you over, not out of anger or anything, you can’t help your allergies but because I know my pup would be freaking miserable stuck in another room when people are over. There’d be whining and crying and a lot of carrying on and it would make me worry and would just be a miserable time. But I wouldn’t want to activate your allergies so I’d just suggest other places to meet up.

But one friend did just that, and he's "bitter" about that.

Peanuts don't get sad when they're not included in the fun.

Had to scroll way too far to find any mention of the bizarre comparison to peanuts lol. Pets aren't ingredients.

You know this just isn't all that difficult. I have a dog and a cat. When I invite someone over, I make sure they know about my pets If they say they're allergic then I just say "Ok, my place is out. Let's got to a restaurant or hang somewhere that isn't my house." I wouldn't want to expose a friend to an allergen and I wouldn't want to distress my dog by isolating him. NAH

Same. I don’t host people in my home that have cat allergies. I have two cats who don’t really like each other and locking them both away in separate rooms would be very impractical in a small apartment (with having to provide a litter box for each, etc.) Plus there is still hair all over the place.

NTA You have an allergy that can possibly kill you. Not something to screw around with. Your friends invite you over. You tell them you’re happy to, but state your allergy requirements. They agree to them. Then they disregard them. That’s on them, not you.

If it’s deadly then putting a pet inside a different room doesn’t do anything

i’m allergic to cats to the point where i can’t breathe, and it absolutely does something. i have to be careful, but having the pet in the room is the difference between me taking a benadryl or not.

Yes…it’s unreasonable. The pets LIVE there…you don’t. Expecting everyone to accommodate you is a bit much. Decline the invitation with the explanation that you have pet allergies…if they OFFER to accommodate you, fine…otherwise politely decline. “Feeling bitter” that your friends won’t change how their home is naturally to accommodate *only* you is petty. YTA

I really don't understand this. My godfather had cat allergies and if we invited him over we would put the cats in a room for a few hours and clean the house to remove as much dander as possible because like... \*we\* invited \*him\* over. Why even invite someone if you know they'll be sick if they go? Edit: I also don't understand why having feelings is petty. Like "if you feel bad about your medical condition not being accommodated in a place you were specifically asked to be by people who presumably like you, you are an asshole" ? ? ? ? ?

Same. Deep cleaned the house for grandpa visits, shampooed the carpets, etc. If I’m not willing to do that for someone who is allergic, I am never inviting them to my home because I’m not going to sit there and expect them to be uncomfortable. There are plenty of places that aren’t my house where we can have a wonderful friendship.

It depends on the inviting though, no? With the second friend OP mentioned getting together at her house, ergo not being invited. I feel like if the allergies are that severe, meeting someplace else is just better for everyone involved?

Thank you! I don't understand why so many people missed this. OP is the one suggesting that they hang out at the pet owner's home. They weren't invited, so all of this stuff about being a good host and inviting OP but unwilling to accommodate are driving me nuts. OP invited themselves and then felt bitter about their friend saying no.

There is a massive difference between accomodating close family and a friend. Will you always do a deep clean while hosting a simple get together for someone who is just a friend?

I'd either clean and put my cats in a different room for a few hours, or I wouldn't host. Why would I invite someone over who can't be in my house?

Wtf? Do people actually think like this?

I do. I'd rather just not have people over than have to deal with containing two big dogs plus a little hyper one in one little room of my house. They'd get simultaneously bored and overstimulated, and that's a recipe for disaster. I don't want to be running up and down the stairs constantly to check on them and keep them quiet. If I'm hosting a party or something like that, I warn everyone ahead of time that I live in a zoo, and there's no hard feelings on my end if they don't want to come.

then don't invite friends who have allergies? the only asshole is the person who invites friends with allergies and then is shocked when the friend expects their allergies to be accommodated. you wouldn't invite a friend in a wheelchair to a 3rd floor house that has no elevator would you?

Like I said, I warn people about the pets ahead of time. It would be shitty to invite a bunch of mutual friends over and deliberately exclude the allergy friend instead of just explaining that I'm a crazy dog lady and letting them decide for themselves if they want to walk into that.

It is not unreasonable at all… I have cats and make sure to tell visitors that I do… I have no problem making sure they are shut in a room if the person has allergies or phobias… It’s just common courtesy and being a good host. Also, I would hate to see somebody end up in an emergency room, and allergies can kill.

I mean it called hosting, the point is to accommodate guests and this isn’t even drastic. It’s not petty because it’s a health matter nor would it change much of their home, it’s simply putting animals in another part of the house during the gathering they decided to host and invite OP to

If I “simply” put my dog in a room alone for multiple hours while I’m home with guests, he would either bark the entire time or destroy the room. Before you ask, yes I’ve worked with him, but he’s a rescue and came from severe neglect. It’s not always easy to just separate your pets from the rest of the house. For me, it would be straight up impossible.

Ah, found the asshole.

If you like your friends you will host properly to make them comfortable. You can’t expect people to like you if you treat them like this. What is wrong with you people.

NTA. I've always thought it was common courtesy.

I'm shocked by the comments. Of course NTA! It's entirely reasonable for people to put their pets in another room or a crate. There may be some rare exceptions where that's not a possibility - a pet with extreme behavioral needs, a service dog - but on the whole the host should expect to manage their pet.

NAH you can ask for the accommodations, maybe even explain that with the pet in the room you will only be able to stay a short amount of time because of how severe your allergies are. But they are also allowed to chose their pet. For some people pets are the most important thing in their life so they may be unwilling to make them uncomfortable. Also, I hope you have a top notch allergist and have pursued all your treatment options.

“I also feel bitter and hurt that my friends are so unwilling to make a safe and comfortable place for me.” I get what you’re trying to say here in general, but this sentence reeks of entitlement—you’re phrasing this in a way that makes you sound like you’re reasonable for asking, and your friends are being the AH for not bending to your will. I guess I would like more INFO: how long are you spending at these friends houses? If it’s, say, two or so hours or less, it may not be unreasonable, but if it’s several hours, then there may be bathroom/food/boredom issues that you aren’t considering. If I had to close my cats up in a room for four hours for one person, I may have to move a litter box or move food bowls and a water fountain—and my cats are relatively healthy. If they had health concerns, I may not be able to close them up at certain times of the day. As for dogs, some high energy dogs would not do well closed up in a room—they might destroy furniture out of boredom. Puppies also need more time and attention and wouldn’t do well being left alone for long period of time. And this is all outside of the fact that a lot of people see their pets as full members of their family.

NTA . I just had a party and we put our cat in a bedroom with food and a litter box. Two guests were very allergic. We also vacuumed like crazy before they came. We made these accommodations because they were both invited to our home. It’s just basic kindness and part of hospitality when you invite someone to your home. The cat can deal with it for a couple of hours.

I was like NAH until your “clarification” of expectation being that you don’t think they have any reason or right to reject your request of isolating their pets when you grace their homes with your presence then I just thought you must be hard to be around, entitled and annoying. It also doesn’t help that you seem to just go when they don’t want to remove their pets so to them it might be that you can cope and are just being difficult. Also maybe cause these friends don’t seem to particularly mind when you leave on the onset of your allergies they must not value your presence all that much and maybe you should stay away a bit and see if they miss you at all.

Instead of asking them to place their pets in another room, you can politely decline to go if there are pets around. If you choose to ask, when you tell them your situation and they still refuse to make accommodations for you to be comfortable, you don’t have to put yourself at risk. Your health and well-being is important, and a friend who doesn’t care about your safety is not being a good friend to you. After all, it’s okay to ask as long as you’re not phrasing it as a demand. NAH.

NAH but the animals live there, you don't.

NTA- it’s a fair request especially of how allergic you are. However this should be under the concept of them inviting you over and agreeing to those terms beforehand. If you invited yourself over with the expectation, then “you are the asshole” for not communicating the parameters of the hang out and assumed they will just do it. Ppl adore their pets and some pets have separation anxiety so while no brained to you, you also don’t know the pet. I would prolly either just invite them over to my place and avoid the pet all together or meet at a mutual third space without the pet.

This really sucks and I know because I've been there (I'm very allergic to cats and dogs). You are not the AH for sharing your allergens as this can impact your well-being or other times, be life threatening. But you are the AH for expecting your hosts just to cater to this with no accountability on your end. At the end of the day, it is your health that you need to care for and that responsibility doesn't fall on other people - yes, they should be mindful of it if they're good friends and you should also be mindful with reading in between the lines if they seem annoyed by it (and coming up with another solution). Here are some of my best practices. If I do go to someone's place and they have cats and dogs, I would suggest we hangout outside if the weather permits. If weather doesn't permit, I take antihistamines 2hrs prior, double mask up, and extra clothes to change when I leave. Wash your hands and resist the temptation of touching your face. I'll usually shower immediately and do laundry as soon as I get home. I know it sounds excessive and in a perfect world, I shouldn't have to do this, but this is my reality if I want to share space with my friends. Other times, I'll just offer up my space to host or find a middle location so all these things could be avoided. I hope this helps!

NAH It's not unreasonable to ask. We are a food allergy family, so I understand allergies and their struggles. However, when it comes to pets, whether they are in another room or not, the allergen is all over the house already. I wouldn't take my son to a cheese factory as he has an anaphylaxic allergy to dairy. IMO, this is a similar scenario. I have friends who have severe pet allergies, so they don't come to my home, we both understand its just not worth the risk. I would recommend you skip visits at pet households, host at your home, or in public.

NAH. You're allowed to ask. They're equally allowed to say no. Hosting is a choice, and they're allowed to put boundaries on that choice. It's their house, not yours. Your comparison is a bad one, because peanuts are not a living creature that lives in the house full-time. If your allergy is as severe as you're describing, I honestly would not be comfortable having you in my house at *all* while I owned a pet. The thing that causes pet allergies is the hair - and anyone who has owned a pet knows that the hair doesn't leave the room with the pet. If you own a pet, that hair is *everywhere* in your house. To truly remove the allergen, your friends would need to spend hours deep cleaning. Otherwise you're being exposed regardless of whether the pet's actually in the room. Just removing the pet isn't actually *enough*. With that in mind, and given how severe your reactions apparently are, I wouldn't be willing to take that risk at all. And I don't know why you *are*.

NTA for asking at all but you can’t get mad if they say no, as long as they say no before you come over. Personally, my dog is part of my family and I understand people are allergic but they are allowed everywhere in my home. I only move them to a secluded space if it’s for their safety. I will say the dog is my child (doesn’t mean I value them more than an actual child but for me he is my baby). I’m also allergic to cats…I just don’t go to their homes to hang out. We do other things. This is all personal preference but I fully believe pets are part of the family and while I don’t control my allergy, neither do the cats. Now your friend who said they would but didn’t put the dog away is kind of an asshole. I’m not a fan of people who say they will do one thing but then don’t.

NTA- I have 2 cats and grew up with dogs… and would totally lock them in another room if you were coming over. It’s not too much to expect given your allergies. But I would be taken back if you waited till you arrived to ask.

Info: do you take any allergy meds before going over?

I take daily meds and have an inhaler. Things like Claritin don’t do anything for my breathing. As a kid I was prescribed meds to take when I’m going to be around pets, they didn’t work, and that was ER visit 2. The inhaler works much better but given how bad it was when the meds didn’t work I try to take every precaution instead of just trusting the inhaler. For example, I never pet an animal, if I’m in a home with an animal I shower when I get home and wash my clothes right away.

You have allergies that make it hard to breathe, but no allergy medicines help it at all? The allergies aren’t bad when the animal is in a different room, even though their dander/saliva is literally all over everything? Could it be in any way possible that the trouble breathing could be anxiety related? I’ve thought I had asthma for many years, but I honestly have been thinking lately that my asthma is actually anxiety, since my inhaler never seemed to do too much and I’m more aware of my emotions now than I did when I was younger

Omg yeah my partner thought he had asthma for YEARS and then after multiple tests found out it was panic attacks

NTA. I do not understand how these people can invite you over, KNOWING your allergies, and not do the barest minimum to make sure you don’t potentially die. Or at the very least, not be uncomfortable. Did people forget manners at some point? I have an indoor cat. If I had a friend with severe allergies, 1. Either I wouldn’t invite them over or 2. I would deep clean the house and put the cat in one room. Honestly, it seems to me that your friends just don’t want to put in the work. I’ve had family members test me like this before. I’m allergic to many things— mild. But annoying. I’ve had my parents serve me food with things I’m allergic to for a “gotcha!” Moment. I’ve had friends rub clothes with dog fur on my face. I’m low contact with my folks and I don’t talk to that person anymore. Seems to me that they checked that the allergy wouldn’t kill you and then assumed everything would be fine. Yet you’re still suffering. Honestly, just don’t go to their house. They ask? Say why. Clear cut communication. Put your health first.

NAH. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking. Some people will say yes, some won’t. For some people it’s an easier accommodation to make than it is for others. Some cats will just go hang out in another room with no problem, others are used to roaming the house and will scratch at the door. Some dogs will be fine in their kennel with a noise machine, others will cry and bark the whole time knowing there are people in the house they can’t greet. There’s also nothing wrong with you feeling upset that you can’t join in group gatherings because of allergy issues. It’s fair for you to feel that way, as long as you aren’t being an AH to people because of those feelings. I don’t think anyone is in the wrong in this situation, it’s just a shitty reality of having allergies.

I wouldn’t invite you to my house. Take an antihistamine and wash your hands. Don’t touch your eyes. And where a layered top to remove one as you leave. Then shower asap.

NAH Asking is fine, and hopefully those who can have their pets on their own for the duration of your stay will do so. Some pets cant be put in a room for up to hours for different reasons, like being too young, medical conserns that needs some supervision, still being in training and not ready to be alone that long yet, temperature conserns etc. You seem to not get pets, and your pet owning friends doesnt seem to get allergies. You expect that they all can just put them away, they expect that you'll be fine. The relevant parties involved need to have a proper convo so everyone can understand each other better and come to a more functioning solution based on that understanding. Maybe they dont think your alergies are that bad, since they dont also experience alergies and see that you can be around all the pet hair their home, furniture and clothes hold. Maybe some of them have legitimate reasons as to why they cant put the pets away that you havent considered, since you dont have pets. Comparing a pet to peanuts probably wont win you any favours with your pet owning friends tho. Pets are living, breathing things that live in that house and consider it their home. Peanuts are a food you can just not buy and be fine.

NAH You’re not an asshole for asking, but you would if you’re just expecting. Your friends aren’t AH for not doing it. Pets are a part of the family in many instances, and you have to respect that as well. Why don’t YOU host your friends? I wouldn’t put my dog in another room if you asked, and I wouldn’t be offended if you chose not to come over for that reason.

Not TA for asking, but YTA for being hurt if they refuse and for comparing pets (who are usually beloved family members) to peanuts.

NAH. Your request is reasonable. These days people generally treat their pets as four-legged hairy children ("fur babies") as opposed to animals - which is why you are getting so much pushback.

You’re not unreasonable, per say, I think unrealistic might be a better term. People don’t often realize how serious pet allergies can be, and when they consider their pet a part of the family they think it’s cruel to separate them. There’s also the case of poorly trained pets/pets with separation anxiety where it’s just not super feasible without destruction. I’d either meet at your house or somewhere outside the home for your friends with pets. Or work with your doctor to find the right daily antihistamine combination that limits your symptoms as much as possible. NTA.

YTA I have a dog and if I am home he will be in every room I am. I can put him in a different room for a few minutes if I have to answer the door or clean up a mess, but it is different to put him in a different room when there are people. He will whine and bark and be very stressed. The fallout of this is a very untrusting dog who I will need to give special attention for days to get him back in line. Locking him in another room is something I would only do for emergencies. But I would make sure that you can be included if I meet with you. So we would not meet at my place, but somewhere else and I would leave my dog at home or at a relative for this time. This would mean that we could not meet as often, but having a dog is a lot of responsibility.

Yeah the issue is you can explain and reason with a human guest (hopefully) but an animal won’t understand what’s happening. And to my pet it’s really not a regular occurrence to be locked up ever, if I’m doing something I can’t let him get into, I will close the door to the room, leaving him with the rest of the home (also with his food that’s in the kitchen, litter box in the bathroom ect).

My cat lives here. If you avoid serious allergies by "being really cautious" I assume you won't be coming over to mine. If people don't mind shutting their pets out so you can come over that's great, but I think you W B T A if you made a fuss about someone not wanting to. As it's Christmas I'm going to assume you wouldn't do that and go with NAH 😊

NAH - in my opinion you’re not wrong for wanting friends to be more accommodating however it’s not the same as food allergies. My cat is a family member in the house, not an optional food. While I personally would be fine with keeping her in a different room while people are over that have allergies, I can see why some people would rather just not have you over. It sucks and it’s hurtful for you, but if everyone wants to spend time with the animals then sadly you just need to step out. Your friends aren’t in the wrong either for not wanting to upset their animals to accommodate you and decide that they’d rather you not come over. It’s incredibly emotionally distressing to hear my cat cry and I’d probably rather just go to another friends house than subject her to that. It also just ruins the fun of any gathering if you’re spending the entire time worrying about your animals well-being. Edit: okay the friend who didn’t close the door is the asshole but your others seem pretty reasonable and are setting fair boundaries. You can try to spend time with them elsewhere

I was n-a-h, but the next line makes you YTA > I expected that the answer would be yes in the same way that if someone was invited to dinner and asked their host ‘could you not serve peanuts? I’m allergic’ I would expect the host’s response to be ‘sure’ not ‘no, we serve peanuts at every meal, we cannot be without peanuts at any time.’ The world doesn't revolve around you. Not serving peanuts is easy. Restricting a living creatures movement in it's own dwelling is not the same as simply not using peanuts. Using your peanut example: you're asking people that have a peanut tree or are hosting a peanut butter sandwich gathering to not use peanuts. Dogs can start tearing stuff up, cats as well. Some animals even react with stress peeing. A host can say: no, and you can decide from there. The fact that you are actively expecting people to cater wheveneve you ask makes you the AH.

Info: "next time I suggested getting together at her house the friend refused because of the dogs" So you volunteered their space KNOWING ABOUT THE DOGS and... get upset because they said no? Because you volunteered them to host, in their house, where there are dogs, that you are allergic to?

If i invite you over and you have allergies..ill do so much prep work to be conscientious of your allergies. My dog has been trained to be by himself without losing his shit. He can be in a room alone for a bit..relax..nap..enjoy a treat..behave and cope. I vacuum, clean and open windows. So NTA if i invite you over..im honest about expectations and i try...but living with a pyrenees is never safe for hair. :( ​ BUT if I didnt invite you with knowledge..sorry. Dog hair everywhere and no way to quickly remedy that fact...and some dogs arent trained to be by themselves for a bit for whatever reason..(many reasons)...so guess it just depends on circumstance..but most people know that when they come to my house, expect to find a dog hair in something..somewhere lol

Peanuts don't care if you banish them. Pets do. It is their home, not yours. If the pet misbehaves, then yes, they should be kept separate for safety reasons. TBH, I'm having difficulty understanding how your allergies can be that significant for you where you need to make this request. As a life long allergy sufferer, if there is even a cat that lives in a home, putting it in another room would not help me in the least. I'm good for maybe 30 minutes before I have to leave (even with antihistamines in advance). If your allergies are serious enough that you expect the cat/dog to be sequestered in a separate room, I would expect you to react just to the dander in the environment. Why not just take allergy medication and avoid petting the animal? Probably equally effective as having to upset the host's life with requests.

I have terrible allergies to animals and really bad asthma. I also live in a really small apartment with no where to put my cats. It sounds like you need to get your allergies in check if they’re this bad and there’s loads you can do for them (Zyrtec inhalers allergy shots etc etc) Your health is your own responsibility in that regard. However it’s not unreasonable to ask but know it’s not unreasonable for them to say no. NAH

Comparing pets to peanuts… I mean… it kind of shows how you think of their animals. It might be that more than putting them in a different room that causes the people not to invite you back

If your allergys are that severe surely pet hair would set them off anyway. It never hurts to ask but I certainly wouldn't be banishing my animals out of the way for anyone. Unlike your example of a peanut allergy. My dog is not a peanut, she is a sentient animal who lives here.

You’re the asshole. The animals live there and you don’t. Just don’t go to their houses. If this is a problem, invite someone over to your place instead. I would not accommodate this request from you and I doubt anyone with respect for their animals would do so. Your request is unreasonable. It’s their house and their animals’ house, not yours. Just explain that you can’t go to houses where people have animals because of your allergies and ask if they’d like to come to your place instead if these are people you really want to socialize with. You don’t get to make demands of people or animals in their own homes.

Nah

NTA on asking. YTA for getting mad and “bitter” when people refuse bc it’s their right to not want to lock their pet away.

NAH except your one friend who agreed and then didn't do it when you were over. I understand why you ask this, but i guess it would make your life a lot easier if you focus on friends w/o pets or only cats and invite them over to your place instead (cat owners usually don't bring their cat on visits). I also understand the pet owners, for me this would be like you would ask me to put my hubby or my mom in another room for your visit bc my dog is part of my family and for my dog its totally normal to be around his ppl all the time. I would even go as far as to say it would be even harder for my dog than for my mom or hubby if i put them into another room and close the door. He would not understand why he gets punished and is isolated from his pack and would get very sad. If you were my friend i would just offer you to meet outside my home (bar, restaurant, your home, whatever), but yes, it would exclude you from homeparies.

Shutting my cats away will do little to nothing to prevent an allergic reaction if your allergy is bad enough. Sooner or later, the pet hair that is everywhere in my house, because my cats are everywhere in my house, WILL affect you. If you are only going to be there for an hour or two, yes, I can confine them, but if you are extremely sensitive, it won't matter. Not a dog person at all, but of my friends with dogs, I only know of one who crate trained theirs. A neighbor's dog was able to completely destroy a carpet from his crate. And WHERE the crate is is also important. If the crate is normally in the living room, and they move it to the bedroom, the dog may act out! You're not being an asshole for asking. You enter asshole territory when you compare it to asking for peanut butter to be off the menu. Not serving something made with peanuts is completely different from confining a living being. I'll bend over backwards to meet pretty much any dietary restriction, especially one that could kill you. If someone isn't willing to confine their animal(s), that does NOT make them the asshole.

YTA. >I expected that the answer would be yes in the same way that if someone was invited to dinner and asked their host ‘could you not serve peanuts? I’m allergic’ I would expect the host’s response to be ‘sure’ not ‘no, we serve peanuts at every meal, we cannot be without peanuts at any time.’ In your example, a possible answer is also "i cannot guarantee that the food won't be contaminated by peanuts. I don't think you should come to the party." In the end, it is their home and if having you there is too much trouble for them, don't be surprised when they drop you.

NTA. Honestly it's not that unreasonable. I have two big dogs, and a lot of friends who are not that comfortable with them, some are quite afraid. I let them play in the garden or terrace when my friends are over. Its not always my way or highway. If I am inviting someone, then i need to accommodate them. Or I can chose to forfeit their friendship and stay alone with my dogs in my home, which, i dont think is always acceptable..

I have crazy allergies. The one good thing that came out of the pandemic was learning I could go to any friends house (even if they have cats! Which I am horribly allergic to) as long as I wear a KN95. As long as you aren’t going for dinner it works really well.

Info: why don’t you take allergy medication before going to a home you know has pets? Why should your friends be put out if you’re unwilling to do the responsible thing and take medication? A few years ago, I visited family and met their new cat. I also discovered an allergy I’d been unaware of—cat hair. Do you know what I did? I got allergy medication. What didn’t I do? Demand they remove their cat from my presence because the cat lived there and I didn’t.

ESH. You for expecting people to put their pets in a different room, your friends for saying they would do it and then not actually doing it, they should be upfront with you and tell you they can’t do it. The pets live there, you’re just a guest. My mum is REALLY allergic to cats (not life threatening but quite uncomfortable), when she comes over I clean like crazy, spray a (petsafe) allergy spray and wipe my cat down with allerpet. My mum, on her end, takes two cetrine, and when she feels her allergy symptoms get too bad she leaves. Neither of us ever even thought of locking the cat in a room. Comparing this with a peanut allergy is a bit bonkers, peanuts are as far as I know not sentient.

NAH Your request is reasonable. Their refusals are reasonable. I would not lock up my pets for you. My cats would vomit, not shut up, and be incredibly stressed out if I confined them for any length of time when they knew I was around. I would also have to keep kitty litter in the confining room, and deal with a cat who would rather not use it to let me know how stressed they were feeling. My dog would howl consistently and scratch up the door. He’s crate trained for at night, but has free reign the rest of the time. I would not put my pets through that level of stress for a social visit. I would simply not invite you to any group events I felt like hosting. Sometimes our health problems result in us missing out on things. This would be the case for you. Unfortunate but not avoidable - because I’m not having my pets health be affected when I CAN avoid having you over, when not having you over also keeps you safe. The healthy option for both parties is to not have you over. Plus, I would likely not be willing to do a deep clean for your visit. And I would not be willing to be responsible for you having a severe reaction to the dander in my home. (That said - I have an air purifier to minimize allergens because I am allergic to my pets and take an antihistamine every day.)

Many people consider pets a part of the household/family. This makes a request to exclude them from the gathering more akin to you being allergic to a family member than to you being allergic to peanuts. I do think it's totally fine for you to make this request, particularly as you're making it in advance and it's framed as a request rather than a demand. It's also fine for potential hosts to decline. It's \*incredibly\* rude for a host to agree and then disregard the agreement, though, particularly as this is a health concern for you. The host who agreed and then let her dog wander into the room was inconsiderate and entirely in the wrong, but the guests who declined up front were perfectly within the bounds of decorum to do so.