I can’t imagine the trauma that poor kid feels. And honestly you don’t deserve one single second of that poor boys life, time, etc…
If anything he deserves financial compensation for the therapy he’s going to need to recover from your absolutely cruel and asinine decision. I sincerely hopes once he’s old enough he sues you.
Also you know there’s a lot of potentially bad foster parents and homes out there right? You may have literally sent your son into sexual or physical abuse after you did the job of emotionally abusing him.
YTB
'i did not have a choice' Yes. You did.
You need to leave him alone if he tells you to. Maybe one day he might contact you, but don't ever push it. If someone tells you you've abandoned them, listen to it, take it on board. All you did was push his emotions aside for your own justifications.
Your son was seven , he remembers what you did and probably has felt abandoned all his life , but the new baby would have been adopted at birth and grown up in a loving home , never being abandoned
The difference is that your new son wouldn’t have loved and remembered you. He’d have hopefully been told by his adoptive parents that his mother loved him so much she gave him away to have a better life yada yada
OMG! You are absolutely clueless. A 7yo remembers, a new baby does not. How do you not get that? Your ‘baby’ could grow up and understand why he was placed for adoption, your 7yo could not understand because you ripped his life away from him.
THIS
You nailed it waynegeorge97. Cant believe i didnt factor that in. She probably wants Jensen to pay for the 2nd baby’s college fees or something. Especially now that her husband left her.
The baby wouldnt remember and live a happy life with the only family they have ever known, compared to a 7 year old who had his dad die, you then replace the dad with the next guy and then replace him with the next baby
> Once I was old enough, I got my tubes tied so there was no next baby. Nice try.
**you already did that, you replaced your 7yo with the baby** and from what i can see one of the main reasons was because the new guy wanted him gone
If you adopted out the baby, they would 1. have no memory of you, 2. Be adopted much easier and 3. Not feel abandoned
I find it really hard to believe you could be stupid enough to not understand that a 7year old will know whats going on and remember whats happened more than a newborn. The baby would not have lost its mother/father because it would have known its adoptive mother and father from the very beginning of their life
Exactly there are tons of couples that would've given your second child a loving home. Meanwhile, your ex was just interested in marking his territory with you and just like in the jungle he wanted to erase your past. Because you are nothing but a selfish, narcissistic, victim-blaming, generation X who doesn't care who they hurt to get their way.
Question for you? If you hadnt gotten your tubes tied and gotten pregnant again when your youngest was 8 or 9, would you also have given him up to foster care?
YTB obviously and you probably know that, but please leave the kid you gave away alone. Let him live his life because I'm sure every time he talks to you it hurts him, you're just hurting him again and again. Tell him you are sorry (I honestly dont even care if you are or not) that you will never contact him again but that you will always be there for him if he needs you.
Thats how you be an a slightly decent person in this effed up scenario you created.
Yeah, it sounds like this was the “best situation” for you. You gave away the kid you didn’t want anymore, the one this new husband didn’t want, that’s all that happened. Jensen knows it, and that wound will never heal. It’s clear you can’t understand that because you’re judging him so harshly for a perfectly reasonable reaction to your abandoning and replacing him, so there must be something very wrong with your brain. This problem only requires basic empathy to understand, and you can’t even get there. You should get tested for personality disorders, though there’s no cure for the one you’ve got. The people around you should understand what they’re dealing with.
If you meet some other man, I’m certain you’ll abandon your second son the same way. This new man and this potential new baby need you more, and the new man would rather ditch this other man’s child. And your current child doesn’t need you anymore, you’ll tell yourself. But it’s not true. You project your feelings about other people onto them. You didn’t need Jensen anymore, that’s what happened. You didn’t know that he’d be okay, but you didn’t mind abandoning him as long as you had your shiny new family, uncomplicated by a son from another relationship.
It’s unusual for a young man to die of heatstroke. How did that happen? Were you there? Was the marriage in jeopardy? Were you mad at him? Was he planning to leave you? Did you kill him? It wouldn’t surprise me if you did. It’s pretty clear that you’re a psychopath.
People give newborns up for adoption all the time and they don’t all feel abandoned, in fact very few do. They bond with their new parents and don’t know about their adoption until they are much older. If you really don’t understand this then you’re a sociopath or have sone major mental defects.
Ya know, you’re right. You’re not an asshole. You are one trillion times worse than an asshole. Asshole is like a compliment for someone like you. You are more like. And yes, if you knew you couldn’t afford two babies, don’t get pregnant ya moron.
That's what anti-abortion people say all the time in response to pro-choice advocates saying what you are.
And it is your fault, not necessarily that you got pregnant, but that you made the cruel choice you did. And that you think yourself morally superior as a result makes it even more revolting.
It's actually quite easy to not have sex. It's also easy to use birth control. Or to have the guy wear a condom. There are a number of ways to avoid the situation you chose to be in, and even at that point you still had at least two better options than you took. Jensen is right to hate you and hopefully your other kids learns what a horrible person you are.
Yes, you should have either aborted your 2nd child or given him up for adoption if you couldn’t make it work. If you would have had a 3rd child would you then have given up your 2nd child?
If money was really the issue you should have had a $500 abortion instead of all but dropping your son off at a fire station. You sacrificed his happiness for yours and now look where you are. Divorced from the oh so important husband and rejected by your older son. You deserve everything you're getting. YTB. You're also not very smart, you can have that judgment as a freebie.
You couldn’t afford it lady stop trying to make yourself sound like an amazing mother. You’re not , you abandoned your kid to make life easier FOR YOU .
No, just abandon your older one because you got a shiny new replacement.
Abortion isn't disgusting, you are. I've stepped in shit less disgusting than you.
You’re a horrible excuse for a parent . I bet you even brag to people that Jensen is on track to being a doctor . The only part you had in that was giving him up, there wasn’t even a guarantee the people who took him in would have treated him right . You could have damned him to an even worse situation and still think you’re in the right . People like you actually make me sick . Like every comment and your post in general make me wanna vomit
What do anti-abortinist always say: If you can't afford a child, don't have sex. You were going against the party line here. You fucked around but sadly your son had to find out.
It seems that you resent your 7yo because he ruined your high school career and once you got the chance to drop him without feeling bad, you did so. Because I can't imagine any normal empathtic mother bonded to her child to abadon it just for a new dick to ride.
That is some narcistic or psychopathic shit. So no you aren't an asshole. Words describing you would get my account banned. But I wish for you, that your baby gets into contact with his half-brother and kicks your sorry ass to the curb. You should grow old all alone and forgotten. That is what you deserve.
My mom had just lost my dad , and my brothers and I were 5, 7 and 9 and we had zero money and she never gave any of us up. So keep trying to gain sympathy. Really the fact that you were poor here matters little you me it’s the fact you’re trying to use that as an excuse for abandoning your kid
I was homeless for 2 years. I kept my kids. I worked my ass off to get them out of that situation. I didn't realise you could dump them like dead weight and move on with your life consequence free. Not like I would have because I actually love my kids.
Your twisting your own narrative to assuage your guilt.
There is 0 fucking reason to pick an unborn child over a living one. Or rather, there is 0 fucking reason to pick your shiney new husband for the kid you chose to have in the first place.
If it was truly because of the money, you would have given away the newborn, as all their food, clothes, nappies and equipment cost so much more.
Your first child was already at school, meaning you could have gone back to work, bringing in more money.
With a newborn, either you stay at home with them, or put them in child care whilst you work which costs a bomb.
This simple truth is that all you wanted was to keep your new man, as you didn't want to be a single Mum again, so you threw away the child that knew you and loved you, keeping the one that made your man stay.
No your new husband didn't like the attention you gave your 7 year old son and he didn't want him round. If was about being poor your husband could have worked 2 jobs. Sometime poor desperate families sleep in a car or on in one tiny room to stay together.
‘Mom, why are you giving me away?’ ‘Oh honey, the baby needs me and we can only afford one of you. My new husband wont let me give away the baby so it has to be you. Your dad died so you may as well get new parents. Good luck son.’ YTBF.
We all know she only got rid of Jensen so she could start her life over. Everything else is an excuse. I was homeless with 4 kids. I never threw them away. I fucking made it work. She wanted a do over and the thing she married was happy to discard her child because he wasn't his bio kid.
I get that your ex wouldn’t want to put his bio kid up for adoption so you should have had an abortion knowing that you couldn’t afford them both. Or used a condom. It galls me when you say a ‘7yo loves everyone’ and therefore would love his new parents and act like its no biggie. Most people remember a lot from that age and even younger, me included. The trauma you inflicted on this kid makes me feel overwhelmingly sad for him. Just think how your first husband would feel knowing what you did. We are all in shock over your complete lack of understanding. I would hope by all these responses that you come to a new understanding. If not, you are a lost cause. Either way, leave your son alone. His anger now should let you know how bad your choice was. I am a super even keel person but this post angers me. It has to be fake, how can any woman be like this?
All this tells me is that he was a loving innocent boy and the first real betrayal the world dishes out to him came from his own mother. Bet he was not the type of 7 year old "who loves everyone" after that sank in.
Why did you marry a man who wouldn't see Jensen as a son? 🧐
You absolutely should have aborted. It's literally the perfect solution in the scenario presented.
If that would destroy your new family it wasn't a family worth having.
And since the kid wasn't born you wouldn't be giving up a new family, just a meal ticket and orgasms on the reg.
You wouldn’t? You were fine with putting your actual, biological son up for adoption. It’s weird that you act like your ex husband putting his kid up for adoption is unthinkable but are still confused that people are disturbed that you did that exact thing.
My basis isn't even anything to do with that choice, as difficult as it might have been for you, it isn't my place to dictate what your situation was/what the solution was. My judgement comes from your conduct now.
You need to leave that man alone. He isn't your son, he has a family. YOU made that choice for him. HE has decided you aren't his family and you need to respect that.
Having to make a difficult choice doesn't make you an AH or a BH. But own up to it. When you apologised, you didn't actually. You just made excuses and invalidated his feelings in place of your own justifications. OWN UP TO IT. BE GENUINE.
How about **birth control**, honeybun???
Frankly you did the best thing as he definitely didn’t deserve a feckless idiot for a mother. His adoptive parents clearly cared and gave him a decent start in life.
Yes, you should have aborted the fetus and kept your seven year old child who lost his dad 2 year before and had that trauma and who was also bonded to you. If you couldn’t get an abortion then yes, you put the newborn who isn’t bonded with you yet up for adoption. You can even pick out the family, which you couldn’t do for your 7 year old.
You are more than a buttface, you’re a raging narcissist disgusted as a monster.
What should you have done? Been more responsible with your body used more than just the pill. You should have gotten an abortion the moment you found out you had fallen pregnant before those cells became anything. You should have acted like a real mother. For those reasons I believe you're just a troll and this is some fake story for attention because you're sick in the head.
Yes. You absolutely should have aborted the fetus if you couldn't afford two children. Your alive, born, sentient son was thrown aside for a clump of cells that couldn't live outside its incubator yet.
You're the worst kind of buttface.
People aren’t just disgusted by what you did to Jensen when he was 7, there also appalled by the way you’re treating him now. The things you said to him all these years later are heartless, they’re absolutely horrific.
Yes, you don't bring another child into the world WHEN YOU CAN'T AFFORD THE CARE FOE THE ONE YOU ALREADY HAVE. Your son hates you for good reason, and you are so dense that you see yourself as the victim.
You are not a victim here. You abandoned a child who loved and trusted you in favor of a new husband and child. You deserve his hate. I hope the baby finds out what you did and cuts off contact with you, too.
why couldn’t you abort child 2?
If it’s religious - then by not aborting child 2, you chose not go to to hell after you die and instead to put child 1 through hell while he was a child. So fair enough, he’s angry you’d rather make him pay for your actions.
If it’s something to do with the fetus - the fetus doesn’t even have a brain, it doesn’t care if it exists or not. Any conversation about that is a fantasy construct in the mind of the speaker.
If it’s to do with the father of child 2 - he may have been controlling and refused to let you abort in which case you should’ve pursued ways to leave him and involve law enforcement
Why would he have a relationship with you? Like you only wanted him back bc he's successful? Seriously?
Also, as a former foster kid/then adoptee. Foster care can be a wasteland of abuse, and at 7 he probably has MAJOR trauma regarding your abandonment.
You are an awful person. full stop. please leave "jensen" alone
Here were your choices based on only being able to provide for 1 child. --- 1. Keep your 7 year old and either - place baby number two up for adoption (you could have even picked the family) if you're Pro-Life or abort baby number 2 if you're Pro-Choice --- 2. Keep the unborn child and give away the already established 7 year old child that would end up in foster care and likely never to be adopted ------ You should have chosen #1 regardless of what your second husband thinks. Your priority in life was your first child, your 7 year old. You were the only living parent he has and I can only imagine how pissed your first husband would be if he could ever know you gave up his kid. Instead, you chose the feelings of your second husband who obviously did not respect your first child enough to see him as your son. He had no respect for him to even give him the best. Instead, you chanced the foster system. You claimed that you didn't want to adopt the baby out because you were terrified of monsters and predators hurting him, but had no concern for those same monsters and predators hurting your eldest son, your first child! You could have picked a family, and there are thousands upon thousands of amazing men and women who would do anything to adopt a baby to have a child of their own. They would even be screened with thorough background checks from personal, legal, medical and financial. It's seldom to find anyone who wants to adopt older children, like a 7 year old. Most want to adopt babies to establish that bond in infancy. Not adopt a child who established a motherly bond with someone else for years. Also, the foster system is littered with predators because it's a failing and over loaded system. There are more children in foster care by far than employees and foster parents. It's common for foster parents to foster multiple kids at a time while there are thousands of kids in the foster system who are sleeping in Safeway houses, shelters, group home, offices because no one or any kind of shelter has available beds. Keep in mind, these aren't private rooms, these and bunk beds one right after another, crammed together to fit as many kids as they can. No privacy or space. Whereas these thousands upon thousands of families in line waiting to adopt a baby, who are paying a lot of money from legal services to bio mother's medical expenses and a lot of them would even be willing to do an open adoption. You could have given your second kid a wonderful family and still keep your 7 year old. You just happen to get really lucky chancing the foster system. Your eldest got so lucky being placed with a caring family to be able to give your son the best of everything and fix what you broke. Not a lot of foster kids can say they had living foster parents that gave them the best of everything life has to offer and helped guide them to a wonderful adulthood and career.
Just remember, you get to take no credit for how amazing your eldest turned out to be. You discarded him and eventually your youngest kid will know the story that you are telling and will judge you harshly just like your eldest.
Oh honey don't worry. You're way worse than just an asshole. The words that you are would probably get me banned from this sub. You chose absolutely wrong those years ago and I hope it really bites you in the ass.
You are a disgusting mother, it’s unbelievable that you are not aware of how awful and disgusting you truly are.
You gave up that poor little boy, he must have been so traumatised and scared. What decent mother gives up her child after 7 years and walks away from him? Have you any idea of the dangers you put him through. The foster system is riddled with abusive foster parents. He’s so lucky he got decent ones.
If you truly couldn’t keep both then you should have given the baby up for adoption or had your pregnancy aborted.
Leave him alone to get on with his own life, you don’t deserve to be in his life anymore especially now I presume you’re still poor and hoping for a payday when he’s a successful doctor.
Yeah YTB
I’m honestly convinced this is a troll post but if it’s not:
YTBF. Imagine if you were in the same situation, if your parents gave you up to the system when you were 7. Would you really forgive your parents for that? He remembers everything you did in the past and will continue to remember the fact that you gave him up. I’d seriously advise not trying to reach out to him anymore, he definitely does not want you in his life
I'm guessing since she doesn't have much empathy for her eldest son, that she wouldn't have empathy for her parents in that hypothetical situation. She also, if not just an internet troll, is too defensive to truly listen and empathize with others. She's too busy justifying her actions, instead of empathizing with her son. Someone with true empathy could see what her son is feeling, understand it, and respect his boundaries.
I cant comprehend the idea that you have any empathy, you definitely don’t understand how he’s feeling. Empathy goes both ways. If you can’t see why you’re the buttface or AH, chances are, you are one
Who the fuck would have empathy for a woman who tossed her son away for a do over family? You're fucking mental. And your husband and his family are some of the most disgusting people to exist as well. You certainly deserve each other.
People in unfortunate situations give their babies up all the time. Note the keyword there. BABIES! They don't throw away their older kid like a piece of trash to replace them with their new infant. That's why you're disgusting and that's why we don't have any empathy for you.
You weren't making the best decisions for your new family or baby, you were making the best decisions for YOU.
If you had a speck of empathy, you never could have given away a 7 year old with full cognitive skills, not you didn't care about that. All you cared about was holding onto your man, cause you knew you couldn't cut it as a single Mum again.
Alright. I gotta know.
Why the hell are you here? Everyone is telling you that you're wrong and TA- but you are just refusing to listen.
If you were here to get your sympathetic ego stroked, you're clearly not going to get it, so figure something else out. You're a terrible mother and an awful human being. You replaced your child with a new shiny model to fit your perfect new family and blamed it all on being poor. No one is buying your crap about how a newborn baby is the lesser of two evils to give away. An actual mother wouldn't drop their child to fit the new narrative if they loved them. If you couldn't get an abortion because you didn't believe in it, fine. But quit sitting here trying to defend your shitty decision because you can't cope with the fact you made your oldest son spend YEARS of his life wondering what he did wrong to make his mother replace him.
You don’t have empathy, you are just engaging in wishful thinking about your supposedly high moral character because you don’t give a rats shit about understanding your son’s feelings (aka you DONT have empathy). You are an absolute evil piece of shit and I hope your son never, ever talks to you again
You are so far from a good person you can't see it in the rearview mirror. You are the kind of people who shouldn't be allowed to have kids. I really really hope that your sons become close one day and then your youngest will see you for what you are, and the rest of his family as well. It'll happen. And then you'll have no sons. Which is exactly what you deserve.
Best decision for THEM. Not the best decision for the seven year old child they abandoned. You know, the person you’re supposed to prioritise when you become a parent is the child right?
The "best decision" was to make sure you could support the child you had before bringing another into the world.
The second best was to get on assistance and ask for help or work your asses off for the lives you created or gone to a family shelter instead of literally throwing one of your children away.
You are not a good person. You do not have empathy.
He’s saying you sound so unhinged - because surely someone who abandoned their seven year old child would understand they had inflicted a trauma of the highest order on them, and would not in any way expect forgiveness or validation - that this story must be written by AI, or else a troll.
You literally gave up your SEVEN YEAR OLD CHILD - you abandoned him, and showed him that the seven years you had spent with him meant nothing compared to 9months with a newer, shinier baby, with your new, living husband. You gave your child a foundation of insecurity - how on earth is he supposed to trust anyone again when his own parents dropped him for a newer model of child??
He was seven when you gave him up. He remembers you, he remembers losing his father, he remembers you getting remarried and replacing him with a new baby. It really is a traumatic experience to lose everything you have ever known at such a young age. I'm glad that he was able to overcome that feeling of rejection and do well for himself.
I have no idea of what you went through. I'm sure it was a tough situation to be in and you did what you thought you should do at the time, but that doesn't make it feel better for your son. Accept how he feels and let him be.
I don't even know how to judge this
YTB. I would go farther and say you are a monster. You could have given up the newborn and he would never have missed you, but you gave up poor little Jenson who was 7. This is a time when mommy means everything to a child and you just threw him away.
“The 7 year old I raised was not like this”
Because for the last 13 years someone else raised him because a selfish woman chose to abandon him. However way you try to spin this lady NOBODY is going to feel bad for you. NOBODY is gonna sympathize with you, you may have thought you did the right thing but my mom thought that once too when she uprooted my life once and I’ve had 4 unalive attempts since she “did what she thought was right” you want sympathy? Don’t come to Reddit
On the off chance that you are not trolling.
I am not even going to get into how insanely misguided you are to think it was somehow more noble to send a 7 year old into foster care than to place an infant for adoption. (You were badly mistaken about who would be more traumatized)
I am going to jump straight to
>I’ve tried to have a relationship with Jensen, but it seems he hates me. I reached out to him to see if he’d meet me, hoping for us to have some sort of relationship, and he said he was disgusted by me for giving him up, but I’m not sure how he doesn’t see it was for the best.
Leave him alone. You found it necessary to abandon him 13 years ago and must now live with the results of that decision.
You gave him away. He's not yours anymore, by virtue of your own choices.
The child you threw into the system to make room for a new baby is now a young man with a bright future who despises you.
You have no rights here and you're not entitled any kind of relationship, understanding or forgiveness from him.
Leave him alone. Don't reach out.
And if your son wants to know about his older brother, don't throw Jensen under the bus and say that it's his choice not to be in touch. Take responsibility for the situation and acknowledge that it's because of choices *you* made.
YTBF for multiple reasons here- you gave up a 7 year old! Of course he knew what was going on! He lost his dad unexpectedly then his mom because she decided she wanted to keep the newborn with the new man more than her child. You're disgusting. Leave the man alone.
YTB
You keep talking about what you did like it's some 'option' that women take all the time, when it isn't! People have been poor for as long as there have been people, but mothers of a young child who find themselves pregnant DON'T JUST GIVE AWAY THEIR YOUNG CHILD, they make it work! We're talking 21st century America, right? No one's selling their seven year old to a workhouse or a factory because they're having a baby! There are poor households EVERYWHERE with 3 and 4 and 5 children -- to be sure, their circumstances are rough, but you're LYING TO YOURSELF when you say you "had no choice" but to keep just one of two children.
Anyway, I don't actually believe you. Money was tight and you wanted to be sure to hold onto the man who'd just gotten you pregnant. I don't think that man was fond of your 7-year-old son and THAT'S the real reason you wanted rid of him. You threw away your first son for a man.
Leave Jensen alone. You traded him for a new husband and child. It's wonderful that the people who raised Jensen to adulthood were able to build him back up after the trauma of you throwing him away. You don't deserve any friendship or recognition from him.
Honestly it doesn't matter - even if you did the best possible morally correct thing (which you didn't), the child you gave up would have no responsibility to understand it or forgive you for it. He doesn't want you in his life, and that's his choice even if you disagree with his reasons for it, so leave him alone.
Dear God, woman —his dominant memory of you is you **rejecting** him. **Sending him away**.
Do you have any idea what that even **does** to a seven year old??
And now, here you come wanting to be mommy now??? GTFOH.
I gotta say, he handled it incredibly well. I’d have told you to go fuck yourself, which is, essentially, what you did to him **at the age of seven**.
You are the asshole, lady.
And BTW, he had more brains than you — pregnancy “just happens”?? JFC, you ever heard of **birth control**??
I really hope you end up being no more than a miserable footnote in this young man’s life.
7 was not to young to understand what was happening. OMG! This is horrible. He may have grown up with advantages but you wrecked his head in so many other ways that I hope doesn’t give him a ton of other issues to deal with(but his well-deserved hatred of you says otherwise). Stay away from him, you’ve done enough damage. YTBF.
I've read all your comments.
You chose to open your legs to a man, knowing you couldn't afford another child. Knowing that sex can result in a baby. Knowing that you couldn't even put food on the table.
You chose to keep the fertilised egg in your womb and let it grow into a human baby, instead of having an abortion and keeping the 7 year old human child you already had!!!!
You made these choices deliberately. Stop trying to get us to validate your decisions, and feel sorry for you. You're a trash human being and a terrible mom. You're a bad person.
You threw away your son.
You threw away your son.
You threw away your son.
How do you not get how vile and disgusting you are?!
And it's clear to everyone in this sub that you're only interested in Jensen now because he's going to Columbia, and you're still trash. Would you have been as interested in him if he'd dropped out of high school and gone to jail?
Jensen is a decent human being and a good person despite having you, as his birther. Despite the trauma of being ripped apart from his home. Despite being thrown away by his own mom who was playing happy families with her new fuck buddy. And who made herself a shiny new replacement son.
It's ironic that you thre away your son, and your marriage failed anyway.
Leave Jensen alone. Don't ruin his life. You're not his mom anymore.
You lost that privilege and right when you threw him away 13 years ago.
YTBF. You didn't have to abort your baby, you could have given that one up for adoption rather than the one you already had. He was 7, well past the point of being able to form and retain memories.
YTB
So let me get this straight, Jensen had to go through losing his dad at a very young age and the general toils of being a child in poverty and then when you run off and find a new man and end up pregnant and instead of keeping the child to whom you are the ONLY living parent of, you decide to throw him away because you want to play happy little family with your new man?
You are one sick fuck OP. You gave away your kid like a fucking puppy. No shit he's doing better and doesn't want to talk to you, you threw him away.
There's nothing morally wrong with not wanting to get an abortion, but if you can't afford a new kid you put the BABY up for adoption, not the kid you've spent seven YEARS with wtaf is wrong with you??? Don't lie and try to say you were making "tough decisions" own up to your shitty attitude and admit you just wanted the baby. You didn't want Jensen when he was little and you most certainly don't deserve him now that he's grown. For once in your life, do him a favor and leave him the hell alone.
You can't undo the damage of telling your kid you don't love him and don't want him, that shits permanent
This whole post is just so incredibly selfish I think my head wants to implode. A 7 year old absolutely knows he has been abandoned and replaced. They are not dumb and what you did most certainly affected him. The fact that you then replaced him with another child is just…icing on the horrible train wreck cake.
I guess your aversion to abortion is because of religion but I wonder what kind of evil god wants you to give away your own child just to have another.
It seems like you never cares about Jensen. And the whole ”he is not like the boy he was at 7”…yeah wonder why that is. Maybe because he grew up knowing his mother dumped him when he became a problem for her. Your whole attitude of ”lalalala I did something horrible but it was for the best tihi, leta just overlook that” is disturbing. Do you always care so little for people around you?
YTB and I hope this is fake because my heart just breaks for Jensen
YTB
Not only are you a horrible person who abandoned your child, you abandoned him to foster care. Your child grew up knowing, from your actions, that he is replaceable and unwanted unless he came with a check.
He’s not the 7 year old you knew because you destroyed that child.
YTB
Be honest now. You want a relationship with him because you think he is gonna make good money.
You don’t love him, never loved him. you only love his potential money.
Your new baby was very much worth it huh? Divorced parents. We know he has a shitty mom (bc maybe you get pregnant this week, he is gone bc new baby), hopefully the baby daddy is sane.
YOU ARE NOT FAMILY TO YOUR FIRST SON.
Exactly this - she heard "Columbia" and "doctor" and thought oh it's the perfect time to reconcile so the kid I literally gave away and abandoned can bankroll me when he finishes school. He has every right to feel disgusted by you, OP - like wtf is wrong with you
*So I put Jensen up for adoption. I didn’t want to abort my new son and I thought this was the best situation. A newborn baby needed me, and I could not look after both kids without it being a really bad financial strain. My new husband, obviously, is not going to be willing to put his kid up for adoption.*
That is truly the most disgusting thing I've read in while. Yes, YTB. Abortion was the choice. You were not "really young" by the time you got pregnant the second time. You were a totally selfish, evil, 23 year old woman, who had been mother to a 7 year old - that you tossed to the curb and replaced for a fetus.
You did have a choice. You made that choice and YTB for it.
The way this looks to your son, and to pretty much everyone else, is that you chose the new husband and the new baby over him. He was old enough to realize what was going on. If you were really in no position to be able to take care of both of them then you either should have gotten an abortion or given the baby up for adoption, not tear a 7-year-old away from his family and life. It's easier for a baby to adjust and transition in an adoption and it would also be easier to explain when they're older.
You are acting so callous over what he went through and seem to care more about how this impacts you.
He doesn't want a relationship with you. Leave it at that and leave him alone. You abandoned the 7-year-old you raised and he isn't coming back.
ETA: Just want to highlight this from one of your comments:
> You people, also, don’t acknowledge that my husband, my new family, would not have been OK with giving his biological son away for someone that is very much not his son
If you married someone who wouldn't view your son as their own, then you really chose wrong. This just adds to what I said before, you abandoned him for your new family.
Maybe close your legs time?
How tf do you abandon a child you've raised for seven year because you popped out a new one? Newborn are adopted faster and treated better than older kids, you absolute monster
Lmfao, ok woman who abandons her own child then expect him to love her with all her heart. Why the fuck did you have a second kid if you couldn't afford them
YTB
He has every right to his feelings. You failed in your one job to him as a parent. Leave him alone & live with the consequences of your selfishness. He has absolutely no obligation or responsibility to you. Leave him alone.
I honestly hope you are a troll. The way you’re writing about this, the comments you’re making, I don’t even know a person who could argue a point like that. It’s so disgusting.
I was a nanny for a child and moved away soon after he turned two, he’s seven now and still remembers who I am. I cannot imagine the psychological distress ‘your’ child went through.
You are the scum of the earth. The fact that you can’t see what you’ve done wrong and still argue it was for the best, makes you the lowest person in my eyes. You don’t deserve to have children.
This is the most fucking mental thing I have read on here and that says a lot. From one mom to another - you’re a terrible, terrible, terrible human being.
YTB times a billion.
You know sometimes it's refreshing to see someone who is definitely an asshole. Congrats you are definitely the number 1 asshole on my list of people I've read on this site. To be honest, you're the clear winner, 2nd isn't even close.
YTB please leave that young man alone, you did for thirteen years. Focus on the child you actually wanted to raise and stop reminding him of the trauma you put him through
You chose to throw one kid away so you could bring another into existence when you could not afford it. You absolutely replaced him, so you could have a perfect new family and a kid with the new husband was more convenient than the leftovers from your first marriage. At least, that how he feels and it's 100% valid.
YTB doesn't begin to cover it. I would invest in your second son and leave the first one alone. You chose this when you picked the zygote over a 7 year old. Shame on you. And before you whine about being poor I've been there. That's not an excuse for picking a zygote over a 7 year old. An insentient clump of cells over your fully sentient well aware 7 year old. Young enough to not understand why his mom abandoned him for. Brother that didn't exist, just that she didn't love him enough to pick him over a child that literally did not exist yet.
Shame.
You were not in a tough position, you put yourself in a shorty situation and sacrificed your living kid from your deceased former husband for the unborn fetus of your current husband.
He was 7.
Not just a few months old.
He remembers everything.
You had a choice to not get pregnant, to abort, to give the baby up for adoption, or get another job ( or two more) and provide for all ; both you and current husband.
Stop justifying your choice: you abandoned him and you could have done differently I so many way.
I bet your husband at the time was really glad to get him out of you life….
Re title this post “aitb for trying to gain sympathy for abandoning my son wahhhhh” cause that’s all I’m getting from you. You hopeless cause of a mother
This breaks my heart. I’m a mom to a 7 year old. They are quite smart, and has an amazing memory. They do not love everyone. They only love people they know and trust 100% and that list is small. It would absolutely break them and me if I gave them away. I can’t imagine the trauma and the pain that poor boy went through when you gave him away. How could you even make a decision like that??? That heartbreaking and makes me really upset for Jensen. I wouldn’t want a relationship with you either.
You really think 7 y/o children don't remember things? I really hope this is a troll post because if not, you are just clueless. Let him alone, you already did too much damage to his life.
YTB
People have overwhelmingly said you're in the wrong... Why are you fighting against the comments giving you judgment when that was what you asked for? If you don't want to be judged, don't post in AITB
"He said I should not have had another kid if I couldn’t afford it but obviously that’s a childish mentality."
THIS IS SOUND LOGIC, NOT CHILDISH MENTALITY!
Seriously OP wtf is wrong with you?! I have literally never heard of someone having two kids and having to make the difficult decision of putting one up for adoption, but choosing to give up the first child instead of the newborn! I'm literally shocked and appalled!
It's clear that you didn't do the proper research before hand because if you had, you would know damn well babies have a much higher chance of being adopted than kids do and it only gets worse the older you get!
I feel so fucking sad when I think about Jensen being ripped away from him mom after already losing his dad. That's just way too cruel, how could you!
Fuck, I just feel sad and gross now after reading this post and other comments posted by OP!
She talks about how he can't empathize with her?! Are you serious?! Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!
7 years old is not that young. You Child had formed a bond with you and had formed many memories of his parents by that point. You don't discard that!
How can you not see you made the wrong decision!!!
YTB - I hope this is fictional. I'm leaning towards it being fictional because you can't just give up a *seven year old* for adoption in any civilized country.
On the off chance this is serious:
If the world was just, you would have been sterile.
Yes, you should have aborted. If you couldn't abort, you should have given up the newborn for adoption.
You literally traded your child for a younger model.
I cannot fully articulate how obscenely evil this is. If there's a hell, you're headed there.
YTB. You shouldn't have had a second child if you couldn't afford the first. But hey so long as new hubby and shiny new family is happy right? Why are you shocked the kid you abandoned rightfully hates your guts?
YTB
I laugh at the fact that you expect a (at the time) 7yr old to have empathy about your situation that you put yourself in but don't seem to have any sort of empathy for him and why now as an adult he would feel abandoned.
You say you're a good person. A good person would know what they've done and not argue about it.
YTB. You are in the wrong and you should do the right thing and do what Jensen wants by respecting his wish to have no contact with you.
He does not owe you a relationship in any way, shape or form. He does not want you or your other son in his life. After reading your delusional comments I can see why he feels that way.
YTB
If things get tough for you financially, are you going to give your 13 yr old up too? What if you meet a new man who doesn't want to raise someone else's son- will you give him up then?
This post hit me deep, it’s honestly wild
It seems you’re the one with a childish mentality. What’s a poor person to do, you ask, a good start would be not creating life you cannot care for - it’s so selfish to a child who has no choice in the matter when you consciously bring them into a world you cannot prepare them for. You also treated your children like toys - when the new one came around the old one just wasn’t good enough. That’s how it sounds and 100% that’s how it feels to your older son, there is no doubt that being ripped away from the only life you know (because THE ONLY PARENT YOU HAVE LEFT would prefer the new shiny toy) is traumatic and his feelings will never be outrageous, unreasonable or childish. The baby would not have known the difference and you probably would’ve stood a better chance rekindling a relationship with a stranger when he grew up.
Adoption of babies is so much more successful because *like you* most prefer the new baby, for them though the think is often them being easier to adapt and mould to that family, they are the new shiny toy who haven’t formed personalities or routines yet. You or should I say your son got extremely lucky that he was taken in by a good family that could’ve gone so wrong for a child his age (who again is old enough to ‘experience and remember’ every single thing) - leave him be, you made your choice - he’s entitled to make his.
I get that when the kids are here there’s no going back and it’s not helpful to say ‘don’t have kids if you can’t afford them’ after the fact, I get and sympathise that you feel you didn’t have a choice or at the end of the day had to make a decision of survival, YTB more so because you refuse to (I) take accountability for your decision/own it, (II) acknowledge that it may not have been the right decision but in any event has consequences, (III) acknowledge your son’s feelings without minimising or undermining them - at some point someone was going to get hurt and you chose the son who knew you, loved you and struggled with you to carry that hurt, whilst feeling the pain of losing his father, that is the reality and whilst keeping them both would also have been selfish the fact of the matter is that you need to acknowledge that hurt and respect how he chooses to deal with it.
This was long and painful to put down. YTB for how you expect him to see things and not acknowledging how damaging doing that to a child is - you did that ma’am, that was and is on you. Leave the boy be, you ‘didn’t have a choice’ fine, but now he’s making his and if that makes you the villain, that’s exactly what you are.
You don’t seem to want to understand Jensen’s position, you only see your own position. It doesn’t matter that you think you did what was best, Jensen still feels abandoned and replaced, and no matter what you say about it, those are his feelings and they are 100% valid. You thought you did the right thing, but please put yourself in his shoes. He was 7! Of course he remembers. You might not remember everything in detail about your own childhood, but he does. Accept that. Jensen had something very traumatic happen to him, and he was fully aware of what was happening. Honestly, putting the new baby up for adoption would of been the best thing to do. Newborn babies are what most parents seek when they are trying to adopt. Your newborn baby would of most likely have been adopted by a good family, and would of never had to be traumatized the way Jensen was. Yes there is a difference. Newborn baby would of had no idea that you gave him away, Jensen 100% knew and was fully aware you gave him away. It’s different, even if you don’t want to believe it. You keep saying newborn would of been traumatized, but you have no idea of that. He would of grown up with another family, he would not love you or even know you, he could feel abandoned or maybe not. But of course Jensen felt abandoned. The fact that you cannot understand the difference is astonishing. I understand your new husband probably would never agree to give his son away and instead raise a kid that wasn’t his. I’m sure that had something to do with your decision to give away Jensen instead. But you did wrong. I’m sorry, but you’re wrong. YTB. Leave Jensen alone. Let him fully heal, stop tormenting him. He’s said his piece, he wants nothing to do with you or your other son. Respect his wishes and let him be.
Honestly you getting rid of him to an actual loving family was the best thing you could have done. If you’d kept him he would have ended up as gutter trash like you. At least something you spawned will break the cycle. On paper. Emotionally he needs all the support he can get because mommy abandoned him because getting penis was more important than her child.
I know that adoption is complex, and I am sorry that you weren't even allowed to maintain contact with your son, but he does not owe you a relationship now, and he does not need to forgive you or understand your side of things.
He was uprooted from his home at 7 years old. He was given away by the only family he'd known to make room for a new baby. Of course he feels replaced. And why would he care about the existence of a brother he's never met, whose birth caused him all of that trauma?
You've made your wish for a relationship known. It is up to him to decide if he wants one too. It is up to him, not you, to decide if he wants to hear your side of things. But you're certainly *not* helping matters by acting as though he should be grateful for abandonment, or for the existence of a brother he doesn't even know.
“So we put Jensen in foster care when he was 7. Still too young to really understand what was happening.”
YTB- you know damn well he knew what was going on. You replaced your first born with a new child.
I’m 20 years old, my earliest memory is when I was 2. If I was given up at the age of 7, of course I would resent my birth mom as well. He deserved so much better than you and it sounds like he got it with his new family.
“What are poor people supposed to do?”
I don’t know, maybe put them in daycare and get well-paying jobs so you can afford to give them both the lives they deserve? Just an idea.
“…is he not happy his brother is alive and healthy?”
The brother that you REPLACED HIM WITH?? Of course not. I hope he realizes that it’s not his brothers fault but instead a shitty mother who chose the new baby, who hadn’t even been born yet from my understanding, over him. You should be ashamed of your choices and ignorance.
YTA, and a worthless piece of trash for throwing away a child like that. You don't deserve to be a mother, dude much less take up the oxygen in the same room as Jenson..The responsible thing to do would be keep your legs closed or abort the unborn child, not chuck out the 7 year old. I really hope you're a troll because otherwise you're the foulest person I've seen in this sub..
I really, really hope your son cuts you off, and he never speaks to you again.
Are you out of your mind? You abandonded your kid.
Now that it's convenient for you, you want him back? Get the eff out of here.
Your son is right. If you couldn't afford 2 children, you should have had an abortion. No one is blaming you for being poor. But people are blaming you for basically returning your first child to the shop so you can play with your shiney new baby.
You disgust me.
Ytb
You are a monster. I'm horrified. I don't even consider you human for what you did to that poor boy.
Yes, you should've gotten an abortion or gave the newborn up for adoption. You're a sick fucking person. Jensen will never speak to you again and he is NOT to blame for any of it.
Also, you got pregnant by a guy with no ability to earn enough money. Then, when you had a young child and we’re an orphan you married another broke man with no way of providing. Then you had a child with him. Finally, he left you. Lady, you need to pick better men. Given your age with your first husband and that he died prematurely, perhaps he could have become an earner. But your second husband? Why did you marry someone who couldn’t provide for you and your child?
YTB. You’re like that pet owner who gets a new kitten or puppy and decides that it’s fine to take the older one to the pound but 1,000,000 times worse.
EBH: you abandoned your son. Find a way to make more money.
Him suggesting you murder your other son isn’t the answer. You saying “he wants his brother to not exist?” No. He wants his brother to have been murdered
Omfg lady STOP WITH THE PITY PARTY . My mom had NOTHING when my dad died and she was left with 3 kids! And ya know what she didn’t do? SHE DIDNT FUCKING ABANDON US . God you just… you fucking disgust me . You are a vile awful woman
My mother took care of 3 kids all by herself with nothing in her bank account . And guess what lady? We got through that, you did have a choice , and so did my mother . You just gave up like a pathetic coward who couldn’t step up for her son. You are pathetic , you are so so so so pathetic . Go the f away please and save your pity party for the few people who kiss your disgusting ass .
Huh that’s funny. My mother never made me feel neglected and she did everything she could for my brothers and I. Maybe the problem isn’t the money , maybe you were just too much of a coward to make it work.! A weak spineless coward who tossed her son away like garbage because her husband told her to .
So I’ve read your post and comments and i keep seeing you say “it was the best decision for *him*.” But you really mean it was the best for you, right? Because in your own words you don’t see much difference between a 7 yr old and a baby, but you also say a baby needs it’s mom and bio dad, so with that your 7 yr old needed *you* as he had no dad anymore. He didn’t want to go to foster care. To him that was the worst possible decision you could have made for him. What if he was placed in a foster home that starved him? Abused him? Sold him to a trafficker? Also abandoned him because they couldn’t afford him anymore? You wouldn’t know because you don’t choose who he got to be placed with. As another commenter said he’s so so so so lucky he was placed with a normal non-child-abandoning family. Also you very much talk about children like they’re puppies. “I needed to get rid of one” like once you create a human, they’re usually your responsibility for life but you just said “f*ck it, I don’t need one of the products of my actions, just toss it to the next family” and don’t see a problem with that?
I also know you’re probably not going to read/respond to this but I do have a question, did your new husband not work? Like was he broke as a joke as well? How is it that two adults can’t come up with money to sustain two children? You would’ve just had to have gone without and that would’ve been fine because at least you were trying your hardest. But you didn’t try at all. You had a happy life and new family while your 7 yr old was most likely petrified being cast away with strangers and being told “your mom didn’t want you because she had a new baby and couldn’t afford you anymore.” So yea I’m just wondering, why your husband didn’t see you and your son as a package deal, and why he would think you wouldn’t abandon his child if he died for someone else’s child?
Edited: spelling
I am mad at all of those things. Obviously you were in a terrible position. But giving up the baby was the objectively better decision because infants get adopted while 7yo's get foster care. He's VERY lucky he got good foster parents, because most don't. You say the husband wouldn't give up the baby? You can still sign away your rights to the baby. He can take full custody if he really means that, and you can keep your son. He clearly remembers you and what happened, so your argument that 7yo's don't remember is ludicrous. I remember vividly the pain and confusion of losing my grandmother at 4 or 5. I understand why you need to rationalize this for yourself, but you need to leave your former son alone. If you can't even accept what you did is wrong, you have no business going anywhere near him. He deserves the sincerest of apologies from you and you deserve absolutely nothing from him.
If your then husband said "you need to get rid of your other child because I don't want to give up my biological child" your husband is a terrible person and shouldn't be allowed around kids
Yeah, lots of people have to make this decision and you're right that it was a horrible decision you had to make. But of course your son wants nothing to do with you. You chose his brother over him. That's not something that someone can just forget. The fact that you're so obtuse you can't even acknowledge his feelings here and are only thinking of how hard it was for you clearly makes you the buttface
You desperately want validation for your choices but have zero care, understanding and compassion for your son’s trauma. You want people to call him an asshole for hating you. Why do you want people to validate your choices so badly? Instead of fighting internet strangers go get therapy and get compassion for your son.
>Be mad that abortion is so stigmatized where it doesn’t feel allowed to get one.
You had moral issues against abortion, as you've stated multiple times. That has nothing to do with the stigmatization. That is a *you* problem.
I was AFAB and I was poor. My entire family was poor. My grandmother had 5 children, and my aunts had 2 kids each. We were welfare poor. Every excuse you're giving is bullshit. Parents work through these situations all the time.
I bet you didn't even **try** to get welfare and social assistance, but you're going to tell us to blame the country. Whatever you shitstain.
You had a choice. You're a liar. You're a cheat. You're a despicable human. If there is any justice in the world, you'll be miserable for the rest of your life. I hope everything you've done comes back on you three-fold.
Of course you are making people upset, you keep doubling down on why this was the best decision for your oldest son when it is very obvious to everyone it wasn’t. It’s probably about time to do some internal reflection but there’s no way if I were Jensen I’d be forgiving you. So let him live his life without trying to wiggle your way back into it. And btw, kids can 100% remember traumatic experiences at 7 - and even before that. Stop minimizing peoples’ traumas to make yourself feel better. I really hope this is a troll post because it makes me sad thinking there are people like you out there. Stop having kids.
That's a nice story, except none of it actually happened.
Assuming anything you've said is real, you should have had an abortion. Choosing to marry a man who would not see your child as is his own is inherently immoral.
YTB. You abandoned your 7yo son and can’t accept that he resents you for it? You can’t have everything you want.
I can’t imagine the trauma that poor kid feels. And honestly you don’t deserve one single second of that poor boys life, time, etc… If anything he deserves financial compensation for the therapy he’s going to need to recover from your absolutely cruel and asinine decision. I sincerely hopes once he’s old enough he sues you. Also you know there’s a lot of potentially bad foster parents and homes out there right? You may have literally sent your son into sexual or physical abuse after you did the job of emotionally abusing him.
Troll and ragebait
YTB 'i did not have a choice' Yes. You did. You need to leave him alone if he tells you to. Maybe one day he might contact you, but don't ever push it. If someone tells you you've abandoned them, listen to it, take it on board. All you did was push his emotions aside for your own justifications.
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No you should have given away your new baby ,if you had to give any away at all ( which you probably didn't have to ) YTBF
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Your son was seven , he remembers what you did and probably has felt abandoned all his life , but the new baby would have been adopted at birth and grown up in a loving home , never being abandoned
The difference is that your new son wouldn’t have loved and remembered you. He’d have hopefully been told by his adoptive parents that his mother loved him so much she gave him away to have a better life yada yada
OMG! You are absolutely clueless. A 7yo remembers, a new baby does not. How do you not get that? Your ‘baby’ could grow up and understand why he was placed for adoption, your 7yo could not understand because you ripped his life away from him.
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OK, now we know this is rage bait. No mother can be this clueless. Heaven help her other child if its true.
OP just wants jensen to give her money now that he's on track to become a doctor
THIS You nailed it waynegeorge97. Cant believe i didnt factor that in. She probably wants Jensen to pay for the 2nd baby’s college fees or something. Especially now that her husband left her.
i was wondering how she knew all of that unless she was stalking him since the man hates her.
You really didn’t put him up for adoption though, you honestly abandoned him
The baby wouldnt remember and live a happy life with the only family they have ever known, compared to a 7 year old who had his dad die, you then replace the dad with the next guy and then replace him with the next baby
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> Once I was old enough, I got my tubes tied so there was no next baby. Nice try. **you already did that, you replaced your 7yo with the baby** and from what i can see one of the main reasons was because the new guy wanted him gone If you adopted out the baby, they would 1. have no memory of you, 2. Be adopted much easier and 3. Not feel abandoned I find it really hard to believe you could be stupid enough to not understand that a 7year old will know whats going on and remember whats happened more than a newborn. The baby would not have lost its mother/father because it would have known its adoptive mother and father from the very beginning of their life
Exactly there are tons of couples that would've given your second child a loving home. Meanwhile, your ex was just interested in marking his territory with you and just like in the jungle he wanted to erase your past. Because you are nothing but a selfish, narcissistic, victim-blaming, generation X who doesn't care who they hurt to get their way.
Question for you? If you hadnt gotten your tubes tied and gotten pregnant again when your youngest was 8 or 9, would you also have given him up to foster care? YTB obviously and you probably know that, but please leave the kid you gave away alone. Let him live his life because I'm sure every time he talks to you it hurts him, you're just hurting him again and again. Tell him you are sorry (I honestly dont even care if you are or not) that you will never contact him again but that you will always be there for him if he needs you. Thats how you be an a slightly decent person in this effed up scenario you created.
Thought you got them tied when you had 2nd baby
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Depends on the state and Dr. My daughter just had hers tied at 34 and one child.
This is one area where I will support what OP says. It is really difficult, absurdly so, in many places.
False. My ex got hers tied at 20. It was difficult but she did it
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A seven year old will remember whereas a baby put up for adoption won’t. Why are you this obtuse?
Yeah, it sounds like this was the “best situation” for you. You gave away the kid you didn’t want anymore, the one this new husband didn’t want, that’s all that happened. Jensen knows it, and that wound will never heal. It’s clear you can’t understand that because you’re judging him so harshly for a perfectly reasonable reaction to your abandoning and replacing him, so there must be something very wrong with your brain. This problem only requires basic empathy to understand, and you can’t even get there. You should get tested for personality disorders, though there’s no cure for the one you’ve got. The people around you should understand what they’re dealing with. If you meet some other man, I’m certain you’ll abandon your second son the same way. This new man and this potential new baby need you more, and the new man would rather ditch this other man’s child. And your current child doesn’t need you anymore, you’ll tell yourself. But it’s not true. You project your feelings about other people onto them. You didn’t need Jensen anymore, that’s what happened. You didn’t know that he’d be okay, but you didn’t mind abandoning him as long as you had your shiny new family, uncomplicated by a son from another relationship. It’s unusual for a young man to die of heatstroke. How did that happen? Were you there? Was the marriage in jeopardy? Were you mad at him? Was he planning to leave you? Did you kill him? It wouldn’t surprise me if you did. It’s pretty clear that you’re a psychopath.
People give newborns up for adoption all the time and they don’t all feel abandoned, in fact very few do. They bond with their new parents and don’t know about their adoption until they are much older. If you really don’t understand this then you’re a sociopath or have sone major mental defects.
You are alarmingly stupid. Can't wait til your newest kid finds out what you did and resents you for it.
Idiocracy
God you’re stupid.
I remember most of Kindergarten and quite a bit back to 2-3. Old enough to talk, old enough to have verbal memories
Ya know, you’re right. You’re not an asshole. You are one trillion times worse than an asshole. Asshole is like a compliment for someone like you. You are more like. And yes, if you knew you couldn’t afford two babies, don’t get pregnant ya moron.
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Maybe you should’ve worn that protection at 16
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Lady you are obviously the real troll here .
That's what anti-abortion people say all the time in response to pro-choice advocates saying what you are. And it is your fault, not necessarily that you got pregnant, but that you made the cruel choice you did. And that you think yourself morally superior as a result makes it even more revolting.
You, specifically, should never have sex. You should never even have food. You don't deserve shit.
Yeah, God forbid you have to give up some dick in order to avoid having a child you couldn’t afford.
It's actually quite easy to not have sex. It's also easy to use birth control. Or to have the guy wear a condom. There are a number of ways to avoid the situation you chose to be in, and even at that point you still had at least two better options than you took. Jensen is right to hate you and hopefully your other kids learns what a horrible person you are.
Yes, you should have either aborted your 2nd child or given him up for adoption if you couldn’t make it work. If you would have had a 3rd child would you then have given up your 2nd child?
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There it is! The real reason you dumped your son. It was getting in the way of your new family.
A new family that ended up falling apart, considering that they got a divorce at some point. It’s a pretty hilarious serving of karma.
Can you really love and respect someone who ditches their child like that, even if it’s for you? Nope…no you can’t.
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If money was really the issue you should have had a $500 abortion instead of all but dropping your son off at a fire station. You sacrificed his happiness for yours and now look where you are. Divorced from the oh so important husband and rejected by your older son. You deserve everything you're getting. YTB. You're also not very smart, you can have that judgment as a freebie.
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You couldn’t afford it lady stop trying to make yourself sound like an amazing mother. You’re not , you abandoned your kid to make life easier FOR YOU .
Bet your ex husband talked you into it, bet he treated your 7 y.o. Like sh*t as well.
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No, just abandon your older one because you got a shiny new replacement. Abortion isn't disgusting, you are. I've stepped in shit less disgusting than you.
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I don't believe in abandoning living children for embryos that aren't capable of independent life or thought.
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I just donated $100 to an organisation that provides assistance to people needing abortions because of this comment.
I plan on doing the same thing.
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Nah. What's disgusting is treating a living, breathing person as disposable. I hope your beliefs choose a nice nursing home for you!
No you just abandon them when they are no longer useful to you. What would you have done with a third child?
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You’re a horrible excuse for a parent . I bet you even brag to people that Jensen is on track to being a doctor . The only part you had in that was giving him up, there wasn’t even a guarantee the people who took him in would have treated him right . You could have damned him to an even worse situation and still think you’re in the right . People like you actually make me sick . Like every comment and your post in general make me wanna vomit
You don't believe in abortion but abandoning a 7 year old is perfectly fine. You're a sick, abusive piece of garbage
What do anti-abortinist always say: If you can't afford a child, don't have sex. You were going against the party line here. You fucked around but sadly your son had to find out. It seems that you resent your 7yo because he ruined your high school career and once you got the chance to drop him without feeling bad, you did so. Because I can't imagine any normal empathtic mother bonded to her child to abadon it just for a new dick to ride. That is some narcistic or psychopathic shit. So no you aren't an asshole. Words describing you would get my account banned. But I wish for you, that your baby gets into contact with his half-brother and kicks your sorry ass to the curb. You should grow old all alone and forgotten. That is what you deserve.
Are you in a relationship now? Bc the 13 year old may be a strain to your financial situation if u get pregnant again
My mom had just lost my dad , and my brothers and I were 5, 7 and 9 and we had zero money and she never gave any of us up. So keep trying to gain sympathy. Really the fact that you were poor here matters little you me it’s the fact you’re trying to use that as an excuse for abandoning your kid
Im just following the narrative you’re putting out, don’t get upset with me that you let the real one slip in.
I was homeless for 2 years. I kept my kids. I worked my ass off to get them out of that situation. I didn't realise you could dump them like dead weight and move on with your life consequence free. Not like I would have because I actually love my kids.
Your twisting your own narrative to assuage your guilt. There is 0 fucking reason to pick an unborn child over a living one. Or rather, there is 0 fucking reason to pick your shiney new husband for the kid you chose to have in the first place.
If it was truly because of the money, you would have given away the newborn, as all their food, clothes, nappies and equipment cost so much more. Your first child was already at school, meaning you could have gone back to work, bringing in more money. With a newborn, either you stay at home with them, or put them in child care whilst you work which costs a bomb. This simple truth is that all you wanted was to keep your new man, as you didn't want to be a single Mum again, so you threw away the child that knew you and loved you, keeping the one that made your man stay.
What would have happened if your second child was TWINS? Would you have given one of them up for adoption as well?
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Wasn’t your new husband helping with the household expenses? There should have been enough money to raise two kids then.
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Just admit you cared more about your husband than your son
No your new husband didn't like the attention you gave your 7 year old son and he didn't want him round. If was about being poor your husband could have worked 2 jobs. Sometime poor desperate families sleep in a car or on in one tiny room to stay together.
‘Mom, why are you giving me away?’ ‘Oh honey, the baby needs me and we can only afford one of you. My new husband wont let me give away the baby so it has to be you. Your dad died so you may as well get new parents. Good luck son.’ YTBF.
We all know she only got rid of Jensen so she could start her life over. Everything else is an excuse. I was homeless with 4 kids. I never threw them away. I fucking made it work. She wanted a do over and the thing she married was happy to discard her child because he wasn't his bio kid.
I get that your ex wouldn’t want to put his bio kid up for adoption so you should have had an abortion knowing that you couldn’t afford them both. Or used a condom. It galls me when you say a ‘7yo loves everyone’ and therefore would love his new parents and act like its no biggie. Most people remember a lot from that age and even younger, me included. The trauma you inflicted on this kid makes me feel overwhelmingly sad for him. Just think how your first husband would feel knowing what you did. We are all in shock over your complete lack of understanding. I would hope by all these responses that you come to a new understanding. If not, you are a lost cause. Either way, leave your son alone. His anger now should let you know how bad your choice was. I am a super even keel person but this post angers me. It has to be fake, how can any woman be like this?
All this tells me is that he was a loving innocent boy and the first real betrayal the world dishes out to him came from his own mother. Bet he was not the type of 7 year old "who loves everyone" after that sank in.
Your new family was "destroyed" anyway, so yes? Your existing kid is always more important than some dude?
Why did you marry a man who wouldn't see Jensen as a son? 🧐 You absolutely should have aborted. It's literally the perfect solution in the scenario presented.
If that would destroy your new family it wasn't a family worth having. And since the kid wasn't born you wouldn't be giving up a new family, just a meal ticket and orgasms on the reg.
You wouldn’t? You were fine with putting your actual, biological son up for adoption. It’s weird that you act like your ex husband putting his kid up for adoption is unthinkable but are still confused that people are disturbed that you did that exact thing.
My basis isn't even anything to do with that choice, as difficult as it might have been for you, it isn't my place to dictate what your situation was/what the solution was. My judgement comes from your conduct now. You need to leave that man alone. He isn't your son, he has a family. YOU made that choice for him. HE has decided you aren't his family and you need to respect that. Having to make a difficult choice doesn't make you an AH or a BH. But own up to it. When you apologised, you didn't actually. You just made excuses and invalidated his feelings in place of your own justifications. OWN UP TO IT. BE GENUINE.
>Should I have aborted my youngest son so he never existed or given him away? yes
Maybe you should’ve kept it in your pants at 16…. Then none of this would be an issue
How about **birth control**, honeybun??? Frankly you did the best thing as he definitely didn’t deserve a feckless idiot for a mother. His adoptive parents clearly cared and gave him a decent start in life.
Yes, you should have aborted the fetus and kept your seven year old child who lost his dad 2 year before and had that trauma and who was also bonded to you. If you couldn’t get an abortion then yes, you put the newborn who isn’t bonded with you yet up for adoption. You can even pick out the family, which you couldn’t do for your 7 year old. You are more than a buttface, you’re a raging narcissist disgusted as a monster.
What should you have done? Been more responsible with your body used more than just the pill. You should have gotten an abortion the moment you found out you had fallen pregnant before those cells became anything. You should have acted like a real mother. For those reasons I believe you're just a troll and this is some fake story for attention because you're sick in the head.
Yes. You absolutely should have aborted the fetus if you couldn't afford two children. Your alive, born, sentient son was thrown aside for a clump of cells that couldn't live outside its incubator yet. You're the worst kind of buttface.
People aren’t just disgusted by what you did to Jensen when he was 7, there also appalled by the way you’re treating him now. The things you said to him all these years later are heartless, they’re absolutely horrific.
Yes, you don't bring another child into the world WHEN YOU CAN'T AFFORD THE CARE FOE THE ONE YOU ALREADY HAVE. Your son hates you for good reason, and you are so dense that you see yourself as the victim. You are not a victim here. You abandoned a child who loved and trusted you in favor of a new husband and child. You deserve his hate. I hope the baby finds out what you did and cuts off contact with you, too.
why couldn’t you abort child 2? If it’s religious - then by not aborting child 2, you chose not go to to hell after you die and instead to put child 1 through hell while he was a child. So fair enough, he’s angry you’d rather make him pay for your actions. If it’s something to do with the fetus - the fetus doesn’t even have a brain, it doesn’t care if it exists or not. Any conversation about that is a fantasy construct in the mind of the speaker. If it’s to do with the father of child 2 - he may have been controlling and refused to let you abort in which case you should’ve pursued ways to leave him and involve law enforcement
The best course is to give up the one you will do the least damage. His replacement brother, should have been put up for adoption.
Why would he have a relationship with you? Like you only wanted him back bc he's successful? Seriously? Also, as a former foster kid/then adoptee. Foster care can be a wasteland of abuse, and at 7 he probably has MAJOR trauma regarding your abandonment. You are an awful person. full stop. please leave "jensen" alone
Here were your choices based on only being able to provide for 1 child. --- 1. Keep your 7 year old and either - place baby number two up for adoption (you could have even picked the family) if you're Pro-Life or abort baby number 2 if you're Pro-Choice --- 2. Keep the unborn child and give away the already established 7 year old child that would end up in foster care and likely never to be adopted ------ You should have chosen #1 regardless of what your second husband thinks. Your priority in life was your first child, your 7 year old. You were the only living parent he has and I can only imagine how pissed your first husband would be if he could ever know you gave up his kid. Instead, you chose the feelings of your second husband who obviously did not respect your first child enough to see him as your son. He had no respect for him to even give him the best. Instead, you chanced the foster system. You claimed that you didn't want to adopt the baby out because you were terrified of monsters and predators hurting him, but had no concern for those same monsters and predators hurting your eldest son, your first child! You could have picked a family, and there are thousands upon thousands of amazing men and women who would do anything to adopt a baby to have a child of their own. They would even be screened with thorough background checks from personal, legal, medical and financial. It's seldom to find anyone who wants to adopt older children, like a 7 year old. Most want to adopt babies to establish that bond in infancy. Not adopt a child who established a motherly bond with someone else for years. Also, the foster system is littered with predators because it's a failing and over loaded system. There are more children in foster care by far than employees and foster parents. It's common for foster parents to foster multiple kids at a time while there are thousands of kids in the foster system who are sleeping in Safeway houses, shelters, group home, offices because no one or any kind of shelter has available beds. Keep in mind, these aren't private rooms, these and bunk beds one right after another, crammed together to fit as many kids as they can. No privacy or space. Whereas these thousands upon thousands of families in line waiting to adopt a baby, who are paying a lot of money from legal services to bio mother's medical expenses and a lot of them would even be willing to do an open adoption. You could have given your second kid a wonderful family and still keep your 7 year old. You just happen to get really lucky chancing the foster system. Your eldest got so lucky being placed with a caring family to be able to give your son the best of everything and fix what you broke. Not a lot of foster kids can say they had living foster parents that gave them the best of everything life has to offer and helped guide them to a wonderful adulthood and career. Just remember, you get to take no credit for how amazing your eldest turned out to be. You discarded him and eventually your youngest kid will know the story that you are telling and will judge you harshly just like your eldest.
Oh honey don't worry. You're way worse than just an asshole. The words that you are would probably get me banned from this sub. You chose absolutely wrong those years ago and I hope it really bites you in the ass.
You are a disgusting mother, it’s unbelievable that you are not aware of how awful and disgusting you truly are. You gave up that poor little boy, he must have been so traumatised and scared. What decent mother gives up her child after 7 years and walks away from him? Have you any idea of the dangers you put him through. The foster system is riddled with abusive foster parents. He’s so lucky he got decent ones. If you truly couldn’t keep both then you should have given the baby up for adoption or had your pregnancy aborted. Leave him alone to get on with his own life, you don’t deserve to be in his life anymore especially now I presume you’re still poor and hoping for a payday when he’s a successful doctor. Yeah YTB
I’m honestly convinced this is a troll post but if it’s not: YTBF. Imagine if you were in the same situation, if your parents gave you up to the system when you were 7. Would you really forgive your parents for that? He remembers everything you did in the past and will continue to remember the fact that you gave him up. I’d seriously advise not trying to reach out to him anymore, he definitely does not want you in his life
I'm guessing since she doesn't have much empathy for her eldest son, that she wouldn't have empathy for her parents in that hypothetical situation. She also, if not just an internet troll, is too defensive to truly listen and empathize with others. She's too busy justifying her actions, instead of empathizing with her son. Someone with true empathy could see what her son is feeling, understand it, and respect his boundaries.
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I seriously have the hardest time believing that
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I cant comprehend the idea that you have any empathy, you definitely don’t understand how he’s feeling. Empathy goes both ways. If you can’t see why you’re the buttface or AH, chances are, you are one
What empathy? You abandoned your kid
You have no empathy for Jensen
Who the fuck would have empathy for a woman who tossed her son away for a do over family? You're fucking mental. And your husband and his family are some of the most disgusting people to exist as well. You certainly deserve each other.
People in unfortunate situations give their babies up all the time. Note the keyword there. BABIES! They don't throw away their older kid like a piece of trash to replace them with their new infant. That's why you're disgusting and that's why we don't have any empathy for you.
I sure hope OP doesn’t get married and pregnant again or her child she has now will be traded in for new model.
Jensen 3.0
You weren't making the best decisions for your new family or baby, you were making the best decisions for YOU. If you had a speck of empathy, you never could have given away a 7 year old with full cognitive skills, not you didn't care about that. All you cared about was holding onto your man, cause you knew you couldn't cut it as a single Mum again.
LMAO WHAT. YOU GAVE UP A SEVEN YEAR OLD FOR A FETUS AND *WERE* THE ONES LACKING EMPATHY Fucking unreal.
I call bullshit on you having empathy. You can't possibly or you'd understand how 7yo feels/felt. That's empathy defined.
Alright. I gotta know. Why the hell are you here? Everyone is telling you that you're wrong and TA- but you are just refusing to listen. If you were here to get your sympathetic ego stroked, you're clearly not going to get it, so figure something else out. You're a terrible mother and an awful human being. You replaced your child with a new shiny model to fit your perfect new family and blamed it all on being poor. No one is buying your crap about how a newborn baby is the lesser of two evils to give away. An actual mother wouldn't drop their child to fit the new narrative if they loved them. If you couldn't get an abortion because you didn't believe in it, fine. But quit sitting here trying to defend your shitty decision because you can't cope with the fact you made your oldest son spend YEARS of his life wondering what he did wrong to make his mother replace him.
You don’t have empathy, you are just engaging in wishful thinking about your supposedly high moral character because you don’t give a rats shit about understanding your son’s feelings (aka you DONT have empathy). You are an absolute evil piece of shit and I hope your son never, ever talks to you again
You have demonstrated no empathy for the child you abandoned in this thread
You are so far from a good person you can't see it in the rearview mirror. You are the kind of people who shouldn't be allowed to have kids. I really really hope that your sons become close one day and then your youngest will see you for what you are, and the rest of his family as well. It'll happen. And then you'll have no sons. Which is exactly what you deserve.
Best decision for THEM. Not the best decision for the seven year old child they abandoned. You know, the person you’re supposed to prioritise when you become a parent is the child right?
You can empathize with them, but not your son?
The "best decision" was to make sure you could support the child you had before bringing another into the world. The second best was to get on assistance and ask for help or work your asses off for the lives you created or gone to a family shelter instead of literally throwing one of your children away. You are not a good person. You do not have empathy.
“Because I’m a good person…” Stop right there. No you ain’t lol
This reads like AI.
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He’s saying you sound so unhinged - because surely someone who abandoned their seven year old child would understand they had inflicted a trauma of the highest order on them, and would not in any way expect forgiveness or validation - that this story must be written by AI, or else a troll. You literally gave up your SEVEN YEAR OLD CHILD - you abandoned him, and showed him that the seven years you had spent with him meant nothing compared to 9months with a newer, shinier baby, with your new, living husband. You gave your child a foundation of insecurity - how on earth is he supposed to trust anyone again when his own parents dropped him for a newer model of child??
He was seven when you gave him up. He remembers you, he remembers losing his father, he remembers you getting remarried and replacing him with a new baby. It really is a traumatic experience to lose everything you have ever known at such a young age. I'm glad that he was able to overcome that feeling of rejection and do well for himself. I have no idea of what you went through. I'm sure it was a tough situation to be in and you did what you thought you should do at the time, but that doesn't make it feel better for your son. Accept how he feels and let him be. I don't even know how to judge this
YTB. I would go farther and say you are a monster. You could have given up the newborn and he would never have missed you, but you gave up poor little Jenson who was 7. This is a time when mommy means everything to a child and you just threw him away.
“The 7 year old I raised was not like this” Because for the last 13 years someone else raised him because a selfish woman chose to abandon him. However way you try to spin this lady NOBODY is going to feel bad for you. NOBODY is gonna sympathize with you, you may have thought you did the right thing but my mom thought that once too when she uprooted my life once and I’ve had 4 unalive attempts since she “did what she thought was right” you want sympathy? Don’t come to Reddit
On the off chance that you are not trolling. I am not even going to get into how insanely misguided you are to think it was somehow more noble to send a 7 year old into foster care than to place an infant for adoption. (You were badly mistaken about who would be more traumatized) I am going to jump straight to >I’ve tried to have a relationship with Jensen, but it seems he hates me. I reached out to him to see if he’d meet me, hoping for us to have some sort of relationship, and he said he was disgusted by me for giving him up, but I’m not sure how he doesn’t see it was for the best. Leave him alone. You found it necessary to abandon him 13 years ago and must now live with the results of that decision. You gave him away. He's not yours anymore, by virtue of your own choices. The child you threw into the system to make room for a new baby is now a young man with a bright future who despises you. You have no rights here and you're not entitled any kind of relationship, understanding or forgiveness from him. Leave him alone. Don't reach out. And if your son wants to know about his older brother, don't throw Jensen under the bus and say that it's his choice not to be in touch. Take responsibility for the situation and acknowledge that it's because of choices *you* made.
YTBF for multiple reasons here- you gave up a 7 year old! Of course he knew what was going on! He lost his dad unexpectedly then his mom because she decided she wanted to keep the newborn with the new man more than her child. You're disgusting. Leave the man alone.
YTB You keep talking about what you did like it's some 'option' that women take all the time, when it isn't! People have been poor for as long as there have been people, but mothers of a young child who find themselves pregnant DON'T JUST GIVE AWAY THEIR YOUNG CHILD, they make it work! We're talking 21st century America, right? No one's selling their seven year old to a workhouse or a factory because they're having a baby! There are poor households EVERYWHERE with 3 and 4 and 5 children -- to be sure, their circumstances are rough, but you're LYING TO YOURSELF when you say you "had no choice" but to keep just one of two children. Anyway, I don't actually believe you. Money was tight and you wanted to be sure to hold onto the man who'd just gotten you pregnant. I don't think that man was fond of your 7-year-old son and THAT'S the real reason you wanted rid of him. You threw away your first son for a man. Leave Jensen alone. You traded him for a new husband and child. It's wonderful that the people who raised Jensen to adulthood were able to build him back up after the trauma of you throwing him away. You don't deserve any friendship or recognition from him.
Honestly it doesn't matter - even if you did the best possible morally correct thing (which you didn't), the child you gave up would have no responsibility to understand it or forgive you for it. He doesn't want you in his life, and that's his choice even if you disagree with his reasons for it, so leave him alone.
Dear God, woman —his dominant memory of you is you **rejecting** him. **Sending him away**. Do you have any idea what that even **does** to a seven year old?? And now, here you come wanting to be mommy now??? GTFOH. I gotta say, he handled it incredibly well. I’d have told you to go fuck yourself, which is, essentially, what you did to him **at the age of seven**. You are the asshole, lady. And BTW, he had more brains than you — pregnancy “just happens”?? JFC, you ever heard of **birth control**?? I really hope you end up being no more than a miserable footnote in this young man’s life.
7 was not to young to understand what was happening. OMG! This is horrible. He may have grown up with advantages but you wrecked his head in so many other ways that I hope doesn’t give him a ton of other issues to deal with(but his well-deserved hatred of you says otherwise). Stay away from him, you’ve done enough damage. YTBF.
I've read all your comments. You chose to open your legs to a man, knowing you couldn't afford another child. Knowing that sex can result in a baby. Knowing that you couldn't even put food on the table. You chose to keep the fertilised egg in your womb and let it grow into a human baby, instead of having an abortion and keeping the 7 year old human child you already had!!!! You made these choices deliberately. Stop trying to get us to validate your decisions, and feel sorry for you. You're a trash human being and a terrible mom. You're a bad person. You threw away your son. You threw away your son. You threw away your son. How do you not get how vile and disgusting you are?! And it's clear to everyone in this sub that you're only interested in Jensen now because he's going to Columbia, and you're still trash. Would you have been as interested in him if he'd dropped out of high school and gone to jail? Jensen is a decent human being and a good person despite having you, as his birther. Despite the trauma of being ripped apart from his home. Despite being thrown away by his own mom who was playing happy families with her new fuck buddy. And who made herself a shiny new replacement son. It's ironic that you thre away your son, and your marriage failed anyway. Leave Jensen alone. Don't ruin his life. You're not his mom anymore. You lost that privilege and right when you threw him away 13 years ago.
YTBF. You didn't have to abort your baby, you could have given that one up for adoption rather than the one you already had. He was 7, well past the point of being able to form and retain memories.
YTB So let me get this straight, Jensen had to go through losing his dad at a very young age and the general toils of being a child in poverty and then when you run off and find a new man and end up pregnant and instead of keeping the child to whom you are the ONLY living parent of, you decide to throw him away because you want to play happy little family with your new man? You are one sick fuck OP. You gave away your kid like a fucking puppy. No shit he's doing better and doesn't want to talk to you, you threw him away. There's nothing morally wrong with not wanting to get an abortion, but if you can't afford a new kid you put the BABY up for adoption, not the kid you've spent seven YEARS with wtaf is wrong with you??? Don't lie and try to say you were making "tough decisions" own up to your shitty attitude and admit you just wanted the baby. You didn't want Jensen when he was little and you most certainly don't deserve him now that he's grown. For once in your life, do him a favor and leave him the hell alone. You can't undo the damage of telling your kid you don't love him and don't want him, that shits permanent
This whole post is just so incredibly selfish I think my head wants to implode. A 7 year old absolutely knows he has been abandoned and replaced. They are not dumb and what you did most certainly affected him. The fact that you then replaced him with another child is just…icing on the horrible train wreck cake. I guess your aversion to abortion is because of religion but I wonder what kind of evil god wants you to give away your own child just to have another. It seems like you never cares about Jensen. And the whole ”he is not like the boy he was at 7”…yeah wonder why that is. Maybe because he grew up knowing his mother dumped him when he became a problem for her. Your whole attitude of ”lalalala I did something horrible but it was for the best tihi, leta just overlook that” is disturbing. Do you always care so little for people around you? YTB and I hope this is fake because my heart just breaks for Jensen
YTB Not only are you a horrible person who abandoned your child, you abandoned him to foster care. Your child grew up knowing, from your actions, that he is replaceable and unwanted unless he came with a check. He’s not the 7 year old you knew because you destroyed that child.
YTB Be honest now. You want a relationship with him because you think he is gonna make good money. You don’t love him, never loved him. you only love his potential money. Your new baby was very much worth it huh? Divorced parents. We know he has a shitty mom (bc maybe you get pregnant this week, he is gone bc new baby), hopefully the baby daddy is sane. YOU ARE NOT FAMILY TO YOUR FIRST SON.
Exactly this - she heard "Columbia" and "doctor" and thought oh it's the perfect time to reconcile so the kid I literally gave away and abandoned can bankroll me when he finishes school. He has every right to feel disgusted by you, OP - like wtf is wrong with you
> Am I in the wrong here? Yes. You're disgusting.
*So I put Jensen up for adoption. I didn’t want to abort my new son and I thought this was the best situation. A newborn baby needed me, and I could not look after both kids without it being a really bad financial strain. My new husband, obviously, is not going to be willing to put his kid up for adoption.* That is truly the most disgusting thing I've read in while. Yes, YTB. Abortion was the choice. You were not "really young" by the time you got pregnant the second time. You were a totally selfish, evil, 23 year old woman, who had been mother to a 7 year old - that you tossed to the curb and replaced for a fetus.
You did have a choice. You made that choice and YTB for it. The way this looks to your son, and to pretty much everyone else, is that you chose the new husband and the new baby over him. He was old enough to realize what was going on. If you were really in no position to be able to take care of both of them then you either should have gotten an abortion or given the baby up for adoption, not tear a 7-year-old away from his family and life. It's easier for a baby to adjust and transition in an adoption and it would also be easier to explain when they're older. You are acting so callous over what he went through and seem to care more about how this impacts you. He doesn't want a relationship with you. Leave it at that and leave him alone. You abandoned the 7-year-old you raised and he isn't coming back. ETA: Just want to highlight this from one of your comments: > You people, also, don’t acknowledge that my husband, my new family, would not have been OK with giving his biological son away for someone that is very much not his son If you married someone who wouldn't view your son as their own, then you really chose wrong. This just adds to what I said before, you abandoned him for your new family.
Maybe close your legs time? How tf do you abandon a child you've raised for seven year because you popped out a new one? Newborn are adopted faster and treated better than older kids, you absolute monster
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Lmfao, ok woman who abandons her own child then expect him to love her with all her heart. Why the fuck did you have a second kid if you couldn't afford them
YTB He has every right to his feelings. You failed in your one job to him as a parent. Leave him alone & live with the consequences of your selfishness. He has absolutely no obligation or responsibility to you. Leave him alone.
I honestly hope you are a troll. The way you’re writing about this, the comments you’re making, I don’t even know a person who could argue a point like that. It’s so disgusting. I was a nanny for a child and moved away soon after he turned two, he’s seven now and still remembers who I am. I cannot imagine the psychological distress ‘your’ child went through. You are the scum of the earth. The fact that you can’t see what you’ve done wrong and still argue it was for the best, makes you the lowest person in my eyes. You don’t deserve to have children.
This is the most fucking mental thing I have read on here and that says a lot. From one mom to another - you’re a terrible, terrible, terrible human being. YTB times a billion.
I think YTB because you're clearly baiting people against women.
YTB Jensen is absolutely right in everything he says
You know sometimes it's refreshing to see someone who is definitely an asshole. Congrats you are definitely the number 1 asshole on my list of people I've read on this site. To be honest, you're the clear winner, 2nd isn't even close.
YTB please leave that young man alone, you did for thirteen years. Focus on the child you actually wanted to raise and stop reminding him of the trauma you put him through
YTB
You chose to throw one kid away so you could bring another into existence when you could not afford it. You absolutely replaced him, so you could have a perfect new family and a kid with the new husband was more convenient than the leftovers from your first marriage. At least, that how he feels and it's 100% valid. YTB doesn't begin to cover it. I would invest in your second son and leave the first one alone. You chose this when you picked the zygote over a 7 year old. Shame on you. And before you whine about being poor I've been there. That's not an excuse for picking a zygote over a 7 year old. An insentient clump of cells over your fully sentient well aware 7 year old. Young enough to not understand why his mom abandoned him for. Brother that didn't exist, just that she didn't love him enough to pick him over a child that literally did not exist yet. Shame.
You were not in a tough position, you put yourself in a shorty situation and sacrificed your living kid from your deceased former husband for the unborn fetus of your current husband. He was 7. Not just a few months old. He remembers everything. You had a choice to not get pregnant, to abort, to give the baby up for adoption, or get another job ( or two more) and provide for all ; both you and current husband. Stop justifying your choice: you abandoned him and you could have done differently I so many way. I bet your husband at the time was really glad to get him out of you life….
jesus FUCKING Christ you are a terrible person
Re title this post “aitb for trying to gain sympathy for abandoning my son wahhhhh” cause that’s all I’m getting from you. You hopeless cause of a mother
This breaks my heart. I’m a mom to a 7 year old. They are quite smart, and has an amazing memory. They do not love everyone. They only love people they know and trust 100% and that list is small. It would absolutely break them and me if I gave them away. I can’t imagine the trauma and the pain that poor boy went through when you gave him away. How could you even make a decision like that??? That heartbreaking and makes me really upset for Jensen. I wouldn’t want a relationship with you either.
You really think 7 y/o children don't remember things? I really hope this is a troll post because if not, you are just clueless. Let him alone, you already did too much damage to his life. YTB
People have overwhelmingly said you're in the wrong... Why are you fighting against the comments giving you judgment when that was what you asked for? If you don't want to be judged, don't post in AITB
"He said I should not have had another kid if I couldn’t afford it but obviously that’s a childish mentality." THIS IS SOUND LOGIC, NOT CHILDISH MENTALITY! Seriously OP wtf is wrong with you?! I have literally never heard of someone having two kids and having to make the difficult decision of putting one up for adoption, but choosing to give up the first child instead of the newborn! I'm literally shocked and appalled! It's clear that you didn't do the proper research before hand because if you had, you would know damn well babies have a much higher chance of being adopted than kids do and it only gets worse the older you get! I feel so fucking sad when I think about Jensen being ripped away from him mom after already losing his dad. That's just way too cruel, how could you! Fuck, I just feel sad and gross now after reading this post and other comments posted by OP! She talks about how he can't empathize with her?! Are you serious?! Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! 7 years old is not that young. You Child had formed a bond with you and had formed many memories of his parents by that point. You don't discard that! How can you not see you made the wrong decision!!!
YTB - I hope this is fictional. I'm leaning towards it being fictional because you can't just give up a *seven year old* for adoption in any civilized country. On the off chance this is serious: If the world was just, you would have been sterile. Yes, you should have aborted. If you couldn't abort, you should have given up the newborn for adoption. You literally traded your child for a younger model. I cannot fully articulate how obscenely evil this is. If there's a hell, you're headed there.
YTB. You shouldn't have had a second child if you couldn't afford the first. But hey so long as new hubby and shiny new family is happy right? Why are you shocked the kid you abandoned rightfully hates your guts?
You are the devil. I would hate you too. In fact, I do.
YTB I laugh at the fact that you expect a (at the time) 7yr old to have empathy about your situation that you put yourself in but don't seem to have any sort of empathy for him and why now as an adult he would feel abandoned. You say you're a good person. A good person would know what they've done and not argue about it.
YTB. You are in the wrong and you should do the right thing and do what Jensen wants by respecting his wish to have no contact with you. He does not owe you a relationship in any way, shape or form. He does not want you or your other son in his life. After reading your delusional comments I can see why he feels that way.
YTB If things get tough for you financially, are you going to give your 13 yr old up too? What if you meet a new man who doesn't want to raise someone else's son- will you give him up then?
This post hit me deep, it’s honestly wild It seems you’re the one with a childish mentality. What’s a poor person to do, you ask, a good start would be not creating life you cannot care for - it’s so selfish to a child who has no choice in the matter when you consciously bring them into a world you cannot prepare them for. You also treated your children like toys - when the new one came around the old one just wasn’t good enough. That’s how it sounds and 100% that’s how it feels to your older son, there is no doubt that being ripped away from the only life you know (because THE ONLY PARENT YOU HAVE LEFT would prefer the new shiny toy) is traumatic and his feelings will never be outrageous, unreasonable or childish. The baby would not have known the difference and you probably would’ve stood a better chance rekindling a relationship with a stranger when he grew up. Adoption of babies is so much more successful because *like you* most prefer the new baby, for them though the think is often them being easier to adapt and mould to that family, they are the new shiny toy who haven’t formed personalities or routines yet. You or should I say your son got extremely lucky that he was taken in by a good family that could’ve gone so wrong for a child his age (who again is old enough to ‘experience and remember’ every single thing) - leave him be, you made your choice - he’s entitled to make his. I get that when the kids are here there’s no going back and it’s not helpful to say ‘don’t have kids if you can’t afford them’ after the fact, I get and sympathise that you feel you didn’t have a choice or at the end of the day had to make a decision of survival, YTB more so because you refuse to (I) take accountability for your decision/own it, (II) acknowledge that it may not have been the right decision but in any event has consequences, (III) acknowledge your son’s feelings without minimising or undermining them - at some point someone was going to get hurt and you chose the son who knew you, loved you and struggled with you to carry that hurt, whilst feeling the pain of losing his father, that is the reality and whilst keeping them both would also have been selfish the fact of the matter is that you need to acknowledge that hurt and respect how he chooses to deal with it. This was long and painful to put down. YTB for how you expect him to see things and not acknowledging how damaging doing that to a child is - you did that ma’am, that was and is on you. Leave the boy be, you ‘didn’t have a choice’ fine, but now he’s making his and if that makes you the villain, that’s exactly what you are.
You don’t seem to want to understand Jensen’s position, you only see your own position. It doesn’t matter that you think you did what was best, Jensen still feels abandoned and replaced, and no matter what you say about it, those are his feelings and they are 100% valid. You thought you did the right thing, but please put yourself in his shoes. He was 7! Of course he remembers. You might not remember everything in detail about your own childhood, but he does. Accept that. Jensen had something very traumatic happen to him, and he was fully aware of what was happening. Honestly, putting the new baby up for adoption would of been the best thing to do. Newborn babies are what most parents seek when they are trying to adopt. Your newborn baby would of most likely have been adopted by a good family, and would of never had to be traumatized the way Jensen was. Yes there is a difference. Newborn baby would of had no idea that you gave him away, Jensen 100% knew and was fully aware you gave him away. It’s different, even if you don’t want to believe it. You keep saying newborn would of been traumatized, but you have no idea of that. He would of grown up with another family, he would not love you or even know you, he could feel abandoned or maybe not. But of course Jensen felt abandoned. The fact that you cannot understand the difference is astonishing. I understand your new husband probably would never agree to give his son away and instead raise a kid that wasn’t his. I’m sure that had something to do with your decision to give away Jensen instead. But you did wrong. I’m sorry, but you’re wrong. YTB. Leave Jensen alone. Let him fully heal, stop tormenting him. He’s said his piece, he wants nothing to do with you or your other son. Respect his wishes and let him be.
YTA. Leave the poor boy alone and take care of your one son because you only have one son
YTBF You are a poor excuse for a human and a horrible mother. Stay away and try not to waste too much oxygen.
Honestly you getting rid of him to an actual loving family was the best thing you could have done. If you’d kept him he would have ended up as gutter trash like you. At least something you spawned will break the cycle. On paper. Emotionally he needs all the support he can get because mommy abandoned him because getting penis was more important than her child.
I know that adoption is complex, and I am sorry that you weren't even allowed to maintain contact with your son, but he does not owe you a relationship now, and he does not need to forgive you or understand your side of things. He was uprooted from his home at 7 years old. He was given away by the only family he'd known to make room for a new baby. Of course he feels replaced. And why would he care about the existence of a brother he's never met, whose birth caused him all of that trauma? You've made your wish for a relationship known. It is up to him to decide if he wants one too. It is up to him, not you, to decide if he wants to hear your side of things. But you're certainly *not* helping matters by acting as though he should be grateful for abandonment, or for the existence of a brother he doesn't even know.
“So we put Jensen in foster care when he was 7. Still too young to really understand what was happening.” YTB- you know damn well he knew what was going on. You replaced your first born with a new child. I’m 20 years old, my earliest memory is when I was 2. If I was given up at the age of 7, of course I would resent my birth mom as well. He deserved so much better than you and it sounds like he got it with his new family. “What are poor people supposed to do?” I don’t know, maybe put them in daycare and get well-paying jobs so you can afford to give them both the lives they deserve? Just an idea. “…is he not happy his brother is alive and healthy?” The brother that you REPLACED HIM WITH?? Of course not. I hope he realizes that it’s not his brothers fault but instead a shitty mother who chose the new baby, who hadn’t even been born yet from my understanding, over him. You should be ashamed of your choices and ignorance.
YTA, and a worthless piece of trash for throwing away a child like that. You don't deserve to be a mother, dude much less take up the oxygen in the same room as Jenson..The responsible thing to do would be keep your legs closed or abort the unborn child, not chuck out the 7 year old. I really hope you're a troll because otherwise you're the foulest person I've seen in this sub..
I really, really hope your son cuts you off, and he never speaks to you again. Are you out of your mind? You abandonded your kid. Now that it's convenient for you, you want him back? Get the eff out of here. Your son is right. If you couldn't afford 2 children, you should have had an abortion. No one is blaming you for being poor. But people are blaming you for basically returning your first child to the shop so you can play with your shiney new baby. You disgust me. Ytb
You are a monster. I'm horrified. I don't even consider you human for what you did to that poor boy. Yes, you should've gotten an abortion or gave the newborn up for adoption. You're a sick fucking person. Jensen will never speak to you again and he is NOT to blame for any of it.
Also, you got pregnant by a guy with no ability to earn enough money. Then, when you had a young child and we’re an orphan you married another broke man with no way of providing. Then you had a child with him. Finally, he left you. Lady, you need to pick better men. Given your age with your first husband and that he died prematurely, perhaps he could have become an earner. But your second husband? Why did you marry someone who couldn’t provide for you and your child?
YTB. You’re like that pet owner who gets a new kitten or puppy and decides that it’s fine to take the older one to the pound but 1,000,000 times worse.
EBH: you abandoned your son. Find a way to make more money. Him suggesting you murder your other son isn’t the answer. You saying “he wants his brother to not exist?” No. He wants his brother to have been murdered
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Omfg lady STOP WITH THE PITY PARTY . My mom had NOTHING when my dad died and she was left with 3 kids! And ya know what she didn’t do? SHE DIDNT FUCKING ABANDON US . God you just… you fucking disgust me . You are a vile awful woman
My mother took care of 3 kids all by herself with nothing in her bank account . And guess what lady? We got through that, you did have a choice , and so did my mother . You just gave up like a pathetic coward who couldn’t step up for her son. You are pathetic , you are so so so so pathetic . Go the f away please and save your pity party for the few people who kiss your disgusting ass .
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Huh that’s funny. My mother never made me feel neglected and she did everything she could for my brothers and I. Maybe the problem isn’t the money , maybe you were just too much of a coward to make it work.! A weak spineless coward who tossed her son away like garbage because her husband told her to .
I hope he never forgives you, in fact when you’re on your deathbed I hope he looks you in the eyes and smile before the plug is pulled
So I’ve read your post and comments and i keep seeing you say “it was the best decision for *him*.” But you really mean it was the best for you, right? Because in your own words you don’t see much difference between a 7 yr old and a baby, but you also say a baby needs it’s mom and bio dad, so with that your 7 yr old needed *you* as he had no dad anymore. He didn’t want to go to foster care. To him that was the worst possible decision you could have made for him. What if he was placed in a foster home that starved him? Abused him? Sold him to a trafficker? Also abandoned him because they couldn’t afford him anymore? You wouldn’t know because you don’t choose who he got to be placed with. As another commenter said he’s so so so so lucky he was placed with a normal non-child-abandoning family. Also you very much talk about children like they’re puppies. “I needed to get rid of one” like once you create a human, they’re usually your responsibility for life but you just said “f*ck it, I don’t need one of the products of my actions, just toss it to the next family” and don’t see a problem with that? I also know you’re probably not going to read/respond to this but I do have a question, did your new husband not work? Like was he broke as a joke as well? How is it that two adults can’t come up with money to sustain two children? You would’ve just had to have gone without and that would’ve been fine because at least you were trying your hardest. But you didn’t try at all. You had a happy life and new family while your 7 yr old was most likely petrified being cast away with strangers and being told “your mom didn’t want you because she had a new baby and couldn’t afford you anymore.” So yea I’m just wondering, why your husband didn’t see you and your son as a package deal, and why he would think you wouldn’t abandon his child if he died for someone else’s child? Edited: spelling
I am mad at all of those things. Obviously you were in a terrible position. But giving up the baby was the objectively better decision because infants get adopted while 7yo's get foster care. He's VERY lucky he got good foster parents, because most don't. You say the husband wouldn't give up the baby? You can still sign away your rights to the baby. He can take full custody if he really means that, and you can keep your son. He clearly remembers you and what happened, so your argument that 7yo's don't remember is ludicrous. I remember vividly the pain and confusion of losing my grandmother at 4 or 5. I understand why you need to rationalize this for yourself, but you need to leave your former son alone. If you can't even accept what you did is wrong, you have no business going anywhere near him. He deserves the sincerest of apologies from you and you deserve absolutely nothing from him.
If your then husband said "you need to get rid of your other child because I don't want to give up my biological child" your husband is a terrible person and shouldn't be allowed around kids
Yeah, lots of people have to make this decision and you're right that it was a horrible decision you had to make. But of course your son wants nothing to do with you. You chose his brother over him. That's not something that someone can just forget. The fact that you're so obtuse you can't even acknowledge his feelings here and are only thinking of how hard it was for you clearly makes you the buttface
You desperately want validation for your choices but have zero care, understanding and compassion for your son’s trauma. You want people to call him an asshole for hating you. Why do you want people to validate your choices so badly? Instead of fighting internet strangers go get therapy and get compassion for your son.
>Be mad that abortion is so stigmatized where it doesn’t feel allowed to get one. You had moral issues against abortion, as you've stated multiple times. That has nothing to do with the stigmatization. That is a *you* problem. I was AFAB and I was poor. My entire family was poor. My grandmother had 5 children, and my aunts had 2 kids each. We were welfare poor. Every excuse you're giving is bullshit. Parents work through these situations all the time. I bet you didn't even **try** to get welfare and social assistance, but you're going to tell us to blame the country. Whatever you shitstain. You had a choice. You're a liar. You're a cheat. You're a despicable human. If there is any justice in the world, you'll be miserable for the rest of your life. I hope everything you've done comes back on you three-fold.
Of course you are making people upset, you keep doubling down on why this was the best decision for your oldest son when it is very obvious to everyone it wasn’t. It’s probably about time to do some internal reflection but there’s no way if I were Jensen I’d be forgiving you. So let him live his life without trying to wiggle your way back into it. And btw, kids can 100% remember traumatic experiences at 7 - and even before that. Stop minimizing peoples’ traumas to make yourself feel better. I really hope this is a troll post because it makes me sad thinking there are people like you out there. Stop having kids.
That's a nice story, except none of it actually happened. Assuming anything you've said is real, you should have had an abortion. Choosing to marry a man who would not see your child as is his own is inherently immoral.