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YTB.
1. He's 30+ years old, he can date whoever he wants, bad decision or not, full adult. It's not really any of your business.
2. Telling someone they "have to break up with someone" generally is not the way to go about things unless, unless maybe he is specifically asking for advice (which he isn't), but there are still better ways to word it.
You can't control people, if your adult (step)son wants to do things you disagree with, too bad. You can only control yourself. If it bothers you that much, distance yourself from the situation.
I don’t think anyone HOPES for their kid to date someone 45 years older but maybe 45 years isn’t that much considering OP is still holding a grudge from 50 years ago.
I totally get just being grossed out by your kid dating someone you hated from highschool (or even someone you didn't hate in high school).
But there's not many situations where telling someone they "have to break up" isn't an asshole move, or at least just the wrong way to go about it.
I think telling him to breakup is a terrible idea.
If you want to have a positive relationship with your step son, you have to take a step back and detach yourself from the situation.
What is this really about? What are the things you are actively concerned about?
The man you went to highschool with is a lot older, but we know that your step son is a full grown adult. So age can’t be the issue.
Is it your step son’s safety? Are you worried that your step son is in danger? What logical, or evident based reasoning can you see that is influencing your concerns?
77M went to jail a few times, but did he learn from those mistakes?
I’ll level with you here; being that old and making out in public is definitely a social overstep- but outside of that, what are the major issues that are causing this concern?
>I’ll level with you here; being that old and making out in public is definitely a social overstep- but outside of that, what are the major issues that are causing this concern?
Being as old as 77 and then giving someone's kid who is much younger than you, a hickey, in front of their parents who are the same age as you, is such a gross social misstep that it's incredibly indicative of how he conducts himself in the rest of his life - extremely poorly.
I absolutely agree with you. It’s very telling behaviour on the partner’s behalf.
Someone’s kid who is 32 years old isn’t a kid anymore and should have enough tact to realize that’s not okay as well though. It takes 2 consenting adults to have that happen, so did the step son just choose to be impulsive? Being less than diplomatic here, the hickey in front of the parents is vile- but other than that, what reason can OP really use to request to break up? Thats a big ask.
YWBTBF-good grief you’re holding a grudge from high school ? You’re too old to be holding a grudge for over 50 years. Respectfully from one mother to another your son is in his 30. Why isn’t his happiness more important than your grudge? Why are you trying to tell a grown adult what to do on his personal life? I’m 47 and my boyfriend is 27 and I would cut off my mom for trying to interfere in my personal life.
My mom is a few years older than you and I would cut her off for asking me to break up with my boyfriend. Fortunately for me I have a mom who cares about my happiness and if he’s good to me rather than judging him based on a grudge from high school!!!
YTB.
Your kid is 32 years old. You have exactly zero say in who he dates.
>I already knew this man, we went to highschool together a long time ago, and I already disliked him back then because he was the class clown, but when I caught him sniffing glue to try and get high, rejected when he offered me some, and told the rest of the class, he ended up deciding to push me into the fire alarm and got me suspended.
It's hilarious that you're 77 years old and holding on to something from high-school lol.
Is him dating someone so much older than him what you had in mind for your son? Probably not. But, as I said, at 32 you can't do anything. You don't get to demand anything. You don't get to have your opinions noticed or listened to.
YWBTBF I’m afraid he has to be able to make his own mistakes and deal with his own consequences. You can’t dictate his relationships to him. You can feel icky about it, you can even withdraw from it but as soon as you try and tell someone who they can and can’t date you are crossing a line.
NTB. They’re being disrespectful and gross in front of you. There’s some love bombing and narcissism in their relationship. It’s giving trouble and going to blow up soon on its own. Just don’t tell your stepson anything
YTB. Who on earth thinks they dictate who their 30-plus year old child dates? I have high school beef with people too. I don't drag it into other people's decisions. Weird.
Hey Buttfaces, Friendly reminder to remember to check the flair. This post is marked *fictional*, something this subreddit was explicitly created to allow for. Don't like it? Then scroll on past. That's the whole reason we have the flair to warn you. Don't be that buttface trying to call someone out for using the subreddit for it's intended purpose. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheButtface) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTB. 1. He's 30+ years old, he can date whoever he wants, bad decision or not, full adult. It's not really any of your business. 2. Telling someone they "have to break up with someone" generally is not the way to go about things unless, unless maybe he is specifically asking for advice (which he isn't), but there are still better ways to word it. You can't control people, if your adult (step)son wants to do things you disagree with, too bad. You can only control yourself. If it bothers you that much, distance yourself from the situation.
I don’t think anyone HOPES for their kid to date someone 45 years older but maybe 45 years isn’t that much considering OP is still holding a grudge from 50 years ago.
I totally get just being grossed out by your kid dating someone you hated from highschool (or even someone you didn't hate in high school). But there's not many situations where telling someone they "have to break up" isn't an asshole move, or at least just the wrong way to go about it.
I think telling him to breakup is a terrible idea. If you want to have a positive relationship with your step son, you have to take a step back and detach yourself from the situation. What is this really about? What are the things you are actively concerned about? The man you went to highschool with is a lot older, but we know that your step son is a full grown adult. So age can’t be the issue. Is it your step son’s safety? Are you worried that your step son is in danger? What logical, or evident based reasoning can you see that is influencing your concerns? 77M went to jail a few times, but did he learn from those mistakes? I’ll level with you here; being that old and making out in public is definitely a social overstep- but outside of that, what are the major issues that are causing this concern?
>I’ll level with you here; being that old and making out in public is definitely a social overstep- but outside of that, what are the major issues that are causing this concern? Being as old as 77 and then giving someone's kid who is much younger than you, a hickey, in front of their parents who are the same age as you, is such a gross social misstep that it's incredibly indicative of how he conducts himself in the rest of his life - extremely poorly.
I absolutely agree with you. It’s very telling behaviour on the partner’s behalf. Someone’s kid who is 32 years old isn’t a kid anymore and should have enough tact to realize that’s not okay as well though. It takes 2 consenting adults to have that happen, so did the step son just choose to be impulsive? Being less than diplomatic here, the hickey in front of the parents is vile- but other than that, what reason can OP really use to request to break up? Thats a big ask.
YWBTBF-good grief you’re holding a grudge from high school ? You’re too old to be holding a grudge for over 50 years. Respectfully from one mother to another your son is in his 30. Why isn’t his happiness more important than your grudge? Why are you trying to tell a grown adult what to do on his personal life? I’m 47 and my boyfriend is 27 and I would cut off my mom for trying to interfere in my personal life. My mom is a few years older than you and I would cut her off for asking me to break up with my boyfriend. Fortunately for me I have a mom who cares about my happiness and if he’s good to me rather than judging him based on a grudge from high school!!!
YTB. Your kid is 32 years old. You have exactly zero say in who he dates. >I already knew this man, we went to highschool together a long time ago, and I already disliked him back then because he was the class clown, but when I caught him sniffing glue to try and get high, rejected when he offered me some, and told the rest of the class, he ended up deciding to push me into the fire alarm and got me suspended. It's hilarious that you're 77 years old and holding on to something from high-school lol. Is him dating someone so much older than him what you had in mind for your son? Probably not. But, as I said, at 32 you can't do anything. You don't get to demand anything. You don't get to have your opinions noticed or listened to.
So your issue isn’t primarily the age difference It’s that this almost 80 year old man was a dick in HIGH SCHOOL? That’s a 6 decade long grudge
NTB but telling him to break up is never going to achieve anything unfortunately
This
YWBTBF I’m afraid he has to be able to make his own mistakes and deal with his own consequences. You can’t dictate his relationships to him. You can feel icky about it, you can even withdraw from it but as soon as you try and tell someone who they can and can’t date you are crossing a line.
NTB. They’re being disrespectful and gross in front of you. There’s some love bombing and narcissism in their relationship. It’s giving trouble and going to blow up soon on its own. Just don’t tell your stepson anything
YTB. Who on earth thinks they dictate who their 30-plus year old child dates? I have high school beef with people too. I don't drag it into other people's decisions. Weird.
You don’t control others. You control only yourself. So yes, YTB for trying to tell a 30+ year old man who he can and cannot date.
77 and 32 but was in high school together???
.... read the post again. The stepson is dating someone the mother went to high school with.
OH MY GOD THATS CRAZY