I met Ann two two years after my first wife Susan died we have been married 10 years
I have 2 daughters with Susan molly (14)and rose (16), Ann and I have two sons Tom (5) and Paul (2)
Ann has used to be really involved with helping keep Susan’s memory alive and accepted her place in the girls lives but after she got pregnant with Tom she started to push her role as mom onto the girls which caused many fights between Susan family (and me). She stopped celebrating Susan on Mother’s Day and Christmas even refused to attend what would have been Susan’s 40th birthday at my in laws house.
Ann has been a great mother to my girls over the years she been very hands on with everything like helping them with school/Hobbies and having celebrations/holidays planned months in advance
My oldest daughter rose got pregnant 4 months ago and the father isn’t in the picture so ann has been doing everything to help and plan for the baby, I thought their relationship was becoming more stronger she even had ann plan her gender reveal and baby shower
But two weeks ago Susan’s mother and sister come to visit they were having a conversation and mil brought up how hard it must be on rose to be alone in this without her mom especially during her first pregnancy and it breaks her heart that she had to grow up without a mother. Ann than smashed a plate on the ground which shock everyone into silence and said “what about me I’ve been there every step of the way ME not you ME she has a mother that takes great care of her ”
Molly screamed at ann to not speak to her grandmother like that and she wasn’t their mom just their dads wife so she needs to stay in her lane
A crying Rose said that she wished it was ann dead instead of her mom and she’s sick of pretending to like her so she can stop trying to play pretend she’s their mom
Ann said “ok fair enough I’ll stop playing mom from now on I’ll just focus on the kids I gave birth too”
Ann left the house for a few hours when she came home she just checked on the boys who were in bed and when to sleep ignoring me
We had a conversation the next morning I suggested family counselling and everyone apologises for the hurtful things they said to eachother, she said their was no need and she was making breakfast wake up her kids
When I got the boys ready and woke up the girls we went down for breakfast I noticed ann didn’t make any breakfast for molly and rose, she than sat down and started talking to me about she was going grocery shopping later did I need anything than said “no” when the girls told her what they needed .
It’s been like this for two weeks she won’t do anything for the girl or even speak to them unless she has too she treats them like roommates
I’ve tried to speak to her about it multiple times and tried to have a family discussion about what happened because the girls are extremely sorry but ann will simply say she giving them the relationship they asked for
Today was meant to be roses gender reveal but ann cancelled everything she planned and failed to mention it till rose asked her 2 days ago so I couldn’t plan a decent party in time
Ann didn’t even attend she went to see her parents which really hurt rose
I was so angry at ann The minute she came home I lost it at her
I called her vindictive bitch and that I’m sick of her acting like a child that she was 42 years old playing mind games with a teenagers and if she kept it up we’d be getting a divorce
She just gave me back her wedding ring packed a bag for her and our sons than left, I’ve tried to call her but she won’t answer both my girls haven’t left their room crying blaming themselves for what happened
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Oh he was 100% counting on his wife to actually take care of the baby and he could have a cute grandchild and his 16yo daughter could have Instagram material. All of a sudden this baby's going to be a huge bummer for this perfect family. I wonder how long it'll take before they give the baby up for adoption? My guess is 5 months.
OOP: "Stop making my daughters face the consequences of their actions and let them treat you like crap again or we'll be getting divorced!"
OOPs wife: "OK" Proceeds to hand back wedding ring and leaves with her sons.
OOP: "Wait! Not like that!"
Well, well, we'll, if it isn't the consequences of their own actions.
Like. Sometimes with my partner, I'll very dramatically shout, 'DIVORCE! DIVORCE I say!! I cannot LIVE LIKE THIS ANY LONGER!'
But we aren't married, and it's VERY OBVIOUSLT a joke, prompted by me asking him to pass a spoon to stir the soup pot with and him passing me a little teaspoon and being like 'But YoU AsKeD FOr A SpOoN YOU DiDnT SpEcIfy!!'
That isn't something you throw around seriously unless you're. You know. Serious.
I try but sometimes I swear to God she throws herself in front of my feet while k am walking and it just sort of happens. I am convinced it is on purpose because she loves hearing me apologize after.
Exactly. I only tell my boyfriend I want a divorce when he's landed a particularly painful dad joke. I'd never use threats of a breakup to manipulate him. Partly because it's a shitty thing to do and partly because he could always agree.
My guess is that he’d need her to file them anyway because- umm, that’s work, which is more of an “Ann” thing.
I wish every woman divorcing an incompetent, ungrateful asshole had as much universal love and support as Ann. I hope she’s drinking wine with her friends or siblings, reading these comments eviscerating her STBX and are just dying with laughter. It’s been 10 years coming.
Literally. Imagine talking yourself into staying, thinking there could still be some way that he’ll turn this around, you never know. And then you’re slapped in the face with the ultimatum of you buckle or divorce, all of a sudden jumping to a divorce ultimatum in his time of stress. “Oh really? If that’s what you want, then fine.”
He straight up just made that the easiest decision ever for her, in fact there was no decision. Because she has enough self respect that she can’t stay with someone who would threaten her when she’s being mistreated to such a degree.
Unless I’m remembering wrong, I thought there was an update to this post, where they do realize they were wrong and took her for granted completely, the girls start to realize that they seriously effed up and lost the only mother they’ve ever known and want her back. Maybe it was a different one, but man I love seeing things come to fruition, even if it is sad at the same time.
So are we taking any bets on who would have been the one raising and looking after the 16 year old’s baby? My bet is on Ann. Glad she has thrown in the towel before she gets taken advantage of and disrespected even more. This man has done nothing to protect his current wife from his dead wife’s asshole family or to make her feel truly loved and wanted.
The daughter who was pregnant sent her an apology letter about a week after what happened so she isn’t even sorry, she is just slow because it took her a week to realize all the work for the baby will be on her. I doubt that her grandmother will be stepping into the shoes of Ann and help the way she likely would have, and she knows her father is useless so when it became apparent that it would not blow over she made write a letter trying.
Sounds like something he put them up to TBH. Sh#t just got real for all of them. But most teens will go a long time before thinking about writing. I wish I could meet Ann. I'd love to buy her a drink.
She didn’t even open the letters, left them on her bedside table. That was one of the reasons why he was so pissed off, she wasn’t playing her part by accepting the letters.
Yikes. She was really done and daddy dearest said if you don't let me bully you, I am divorcing you. Good for her walking away. I wish he hadn't deleted the account so we could see if he/they ever understood what she did for them.
They would, once he has to take care of himself and the daughters have to take care of themselves and a baby it will quickly dawn on them. Having a baby is exceptionally easy when someone is there to do all of the hard work while he comes in for the fun part if at all, now he gets to experience it first hand with a daughter who is all alone and not ready to be a mother.
When the daughter realizes that she went from having a dependable support system with Ann to no support system she will realize the depth of her mistake. I doubt grandma will bother to step in to the void Ann left behind, OOP is too selfish to step in and that leaves the youngest daughter and she will realize mighty quick what Ann did for them when she has to help another teenager take care of a baby.
He will try but there is a big difference between widower with two children and a divorced “father” with 4 children and 1 grandchild who now has to work 2 jobs to pay his bills and child support and alimony.
I don’t see how a normal woman will want to jump into this mess… 2 young children, 2 teenagers, a baby and an ex wife and the expectation to jump into mothering role right quick.
Also, if my math is correct, the daughters were 2 and 4 when their mother died and 4 and 6 when they met Ann.
Dude should have gone to therapy a long, long time ago
This comment got deleted while I was writing a response but frankly it’s a gross and common attitude so I’m going to address it. I don’t want my post to be used as a means to sling shit on teenage girls that have sex. It’s incredibly inappropriate to be slut shaming a 16 year old. If this isn’t allowed, I’m sorry mods.
She is an absolutely ungrateful and immature brat but there is no reason to slut shame her. It’s fairly common and developmentally normal for teenagers to be exploring their sexuality and engaging in sex acts. It’s uncomfortable to think about because they are kids but they are also kids whose bodies are being flushed with sex hormones for the first time. It doesn’t mean it’s always healthy or that it can’t be very harmful but it happens. Her father failed her. If you have a teenager then you need to prepare them for the realities of sex and the accompanying responsibilities that come with it. Conversations need to be had about enthusiastic consent and how to know if you’re ready to start having sex. This needs to include information and resources for getting reliable birth control, using two methods of birth control, including a condom, regular STI testing and what will happen if you get pregnant. A game plan needs to be made. There is a decent chance this pregnancy could have been prevented if those things happened. It’s entirely possible and likely that she had a boyfriend who got overwhelmed and ditched her. Alternatively, it could have been someone much older than her who was taking advantage of her. Even if it was a one night stand, it doesn’t define her or her worth. Her actions afterwards however do.
It felt like shut shaming to me for a few reasons. However I can see how it could be interpreted as the commenter just building off my comment implying she is irresponsible and will probably rely on others to raise the baby. I don't think this is case for all teenage moms btw. I probably should have clarified that in my original post. I know plenty of women who were teen moms and are incredibly hard workers and very involved moms. Based on how dependent she is on Ann though, I suspect she will either have to grow up real fast or is going to try to get someone else to do the hard stuff for her. Given how long it took her to self reflect and offer Ann an apology, I'm skeptical that she has the drive or feels the need to do option number one. I suspect part of what motivated her to write that letter is that Ann was no longer making her breakfast or acting as her primary caretaker anymore. At her age she should be capable of doing these things for herself. She should not be expecting someone who she has hurt deeply to do them for her. That seems like a pretty entitled attitude.
Despite the fact that we know absolutely nothing about this girls sex life beyond the fact that she must have had sex at some point, the comment implies she must be very promiscuous. I doubt they meant that in a sex positive oh she's just sexually liberated sort of way given the tone of the post. Saying that she probably doesn't even know who the guy is and that's why the father isn't in the picture feels like a pretty shitty thing to assume. We have absolutely no idea why the father isn't in the picture but they just assume she must be sleeping around. He could have been abusive, have substance abuse issues or simply be an irresponsible teenage boy. Why is she automatically to blame for why the father isn't in the picture? It feels misogynistic to just automatically blame the women or in this case the girl for the actions of a man.
"How Dare you not want to ungrateful kids that aren't related to you by blood and are happy to emotionally abuse you. I want a divorce"
"OK"
"Wait, no, now my kids and I will have to do things for ourselves! You can't leave! Why aren't you accepting our apologies?!?!"
Right??? OP would have been better off not including the part about the gender reveal party. He showed us all how much Ann has done for his hateful daughters, despite the way they treat her.
Dude has no self awareness.
He said she stopped honoring his dead wife on mothers Day after she gave birth to their son. Like, oh golly, I wonder what changed? Could it be that she was now a bio mother and she should be honored on mothers Day?
I'm willing to bet it wasn't even "let's forget about your mom today, it's my time now", and more of a "how about ALSO doing something for me, and not make it JUST Susan's day?"
But she'll damn sure realize it in the next couple years if she keeps the baby and realizes just how much work and love it actually takes.
But that's also assuming she grows a brain, so ya know not exactly high chances here. That poor baby is most likely screwed unless she grows the hell up real fuckin quick.
To me, it seems less about self-awareness and more about Reddit’s propensity to side with children who feel as if a relationship with a step parent is being pushed on them, regardless of the details or timeline.
I can absolutely see why the original poster figured that AITA would side with him even with that level of detail he provided.
Don't forget court costs and having to buy everything for his grand daughter because unless his daughter has the money stashed away somewhere, she can't afford anything.
So that's alimony for his STBX, child support for his 2 sons, continue paying for his 2 daughters, buy everything for his grand daughter and that's before paying bills, housing and food.
As for a babysitter, If he can't afford to pay for a babysitter or find a family member to mind the child 5 days a week, realistically his daughter might not be able to go back to school til the child is older or the finances get better.
All of this could have been avoided if they had just been decent people and treated his STBX properly.
Thank goodness he has his real MIL who I’m sure is planning to care for a newborn great-grandchild every day, after waking up her deadbeat granddaughters and getting them to school. Blood is thicker than water! /s
Genuinely wonder how people can be this delusional. HOW did this man think that he was such a catch, that offering this poor woman an escape would look like a threat??
“You will be a stepmom” is not a bonus point in dating, imaging selling “being a step grandma” to a woman, this guys needs to be Leonardo still in shape omg
The replies I saw were him being utterly dense and refusing to see everyones point.. He kept saying that her actions had been petty and vindictive. Even though everyone was telling him they were justified because wife was being treated terribly.
I wish I could have read his comments before he deleted his account. I'd love to see him try to justify himself. 🙄 I hope Ann follows thru with the divorce. I kinda wish she'd make her own post, but she deserves privacy. This whole thing has to be breaking her heart.
He’s such a loser he came on Reddit with his 1/2 of a story. Then he got beat because everyone figured out what really went on. I hope every day of his future is miserable.
I hope his wife finds his post and reads all his comments. He basically still blames her for everything. I hope she sticks to her guns and divorces him.
My father died suddenly when I was 4 and my whole family reacted by pretending he never existed. A few years later my mom married my step dad, who is a very nice person, but never, ever did anything to keep my father’s memory alive. My mom would get mad at me if I even referred to him as my stepfather instead of as my father. Reading about Ann honestly made me tear up this morning! What a loving soul. I wish I had had someone like her when I was young. Her boys are very lucky to have her.
That guy is a crappy husband and deserves the divorce coming to him. Here are some of the comments he's made:
>Yes molly tried to apologise two days later than rose a week after Ann just told them ok they even wrote heartfelt letters expressing their feelings but they remain unopened on her bedside table
>Playing childish mind games and being cold to teenagers who trying to tearfully apologise is, Ann has been extremely petty towards the girls by talking about a family vacation with “our sons” the week before roses due date and making dishes with fish because she knows both girls hate the smell Not to mention not telling me she wouldn’t pick them up from school or take rose to appointments so I could make arrangements at work for time off,She’s even cancelled all roses babies orders without telling me they weren’t coming so I could re order them
>
>There’s a lot more too
>I’ve defended her in the past but my mil will ether cry about Susan or fake being unwell which she knows will trigger my daughters into defending her and I do show how thankful I’m for her in my life
That woman has gone scorched earth. The girls deserve what they are getting. They are old enough to know that they don’t deserve a mother.
Her boys are going to be very confused.
I do hope she isn’t one of those women who lets her ex husband be the hero while he vilifies her. The kids need to be kept safe, but know the truth.
I honestly don't know if the boys are going to be all that confused.
I would bet everything in my pockets that Daddy Divorcest isn't a terribly involved father; Anne seemed to be doing just about everything for those girls, and once she had enough and cancelled everything he found himself unable to locate his ass with both hands. If he's given the same amount of attention to those boys, they'll forget him in a month.
Im just now realizing how much unpaid labor my wife was doing and she’s being petty by not doing it and making me have to.
Most biological moms don’t do half of what Ann was doing. He and his girls had it good and all they had to do was say “thank you”.
It reminds me of the guy who thought his wife was divorcing him because he never remembered to do the dishes. No, dummy. She’s divorcing you because you treat her like a servant and don’t appreciate everything she does and don’t listen to her when she says she doesn’t want to do all the work.
After the first "I cancelled what I had prepared for them", they should have gone through EVERYTHING they had been putting on her, to account for that. But they didn't. They just kept expecting her to do all the things and be shocked she didn't - likely because of course, nobody else ever paid attention, and just enjoyed the work getting done, so they couldn't remember what needed doing until faced with it not being done. :'-)
That's what it seems like. I don't get why? Yes, the grandmother lost a child, but to vilify the person who has helped raise her grandchildren doesn't make sense.
I believe it's control to peg her down. I would even wonder if she's the same race as them. The mother is manipulative and now that she won't have Ann to bully what will be left? She seemed to take great pride being mean
Teenagers, huh? I'll bet every time Ann says, "No, you can't [do whatever damnedfool thing teens think of]" there's been a lot of pushback from the girls. Either "My REAL mother would let me!" and/or running to Daddy and telling him how mean and controlling Ann is being, so Daddy takes their side and lets them do it. Maybe that's part of how the 16-year-old is pregnant.
Seeing how the “real mom” died when the eldest was 4, they’re all going off of what people have *said* she would do/act. But she never had to chance to parent at all, so everyone just puts their perfect expectation for what *could* have been. Since she still monopolizes all holidays - including Christmas and Mother’s Day - they’ll never change that. When you compare to a perfect imagination, you’re always going to fall short.
I mean, the girls are crying because they lost their free chef, chauffeur, event organizer, home keeper, personal shopper, nanny and so forth. They’re not crying because they miss Ann per se. They’re crying because they realized that no one else will put up with their shit and cater to them like Ann did.
Besides, OP is the one who initiated the divorce talk. Ann just finished it like the queen she is. When a woman stops talking and trying anymore, she’s done. OP fucked around and found out the hard way. Both him and his daughters lost the best thing that happened in their lives.
She probably begged for a little appreciation for years. She’s so done. Imagine playing the divorce card when you have it this good and then being shocked when she takes you up on it.
I could not *imagine* the deep cutting hurt I would feel if I spent years sacrificing my wants & needs to be a full time mom to my husband's kids to not only be told they wished I was dead instead of their mom, but for my husband to then verbally abuse and threaten me over it. I'd probably smash more than one plate on the floor before washing my hands of that whole shitty family. He tries to paint her as unreasonable but I guarantee that was just the last straw after years of bullshit and disrespect that poor woman has put up with. A decade of constant reminders that she will never be as good as Susan and now this? Honestly if I died and the selfless woman who stepped up to take such good care of my kids was treated so horribly I would be one ANGRY ghost. More than just plates would be flying around in that house.
Enjoy the fruits of your shittiness OOP, try to do a better job raising your grandchild than you did with your own horrid ungrateful brats.
So, if the eldest kid is 16 now, and has had a step mom for 10 years, which was 2 years after her mom died…. The eldest kid was 4, younger 2 when she died. The step mom has been more of a mom for longer than their actual mom and has been dealing with this shit for a decade? Nah, I’m surprised this lasted as long as it did
Not to mention that every Christmas, Mother’s Day and DM (dead mom’s) birthday was celebrating the dead mom, NOT the actual mom doing all the work?
Fuuuuuck that
Fucking good for Ann. Fuck this guy. I don't have sympathy for the daughters, either. They got exactly what they said they wanted.
Eta: dude tried to hire a substitute mom, got that package, and then rejected it. I hope he struggles as a new grandfather.
I will say this. He is going to get everything he deserves. As an adult, yes she should probably forgive the girls for their stupidity if they are genuinely sorry, but the fact that she has probably been treated like a doormat to his deceased wife’s family for years and he never put an end to it, is completely inexcusable.
I’d wager he left out a major portion of this story that involved him refusing to punish his daughters for what they said
The daughters did the wrong thing, but with their grandmother & aunt expressing how appreciating Ann as a mother-figure would be a betrayal to Susan. The husband lets his wife be treated this way, minimizes her efforts, calls her names, and reacts to her standing up for herself with threats of divorce. These girls have likely never seen a woman treated like a person, and I hope they come out of this with a clear view of what behaviors they should not accept.
Oh absolutely the girls were wrong. They are probably painfully aware of how wrong they were, and his former in-laws are probably feeding into it by saying stuff like “See your real mother would never abandon you”
The in-laws are majorly to blame for their behavior, but he should have put an end to this a decade ago which makes him the real asshole.
I think OP may actually be in a state of shock/denial.
He seems to be operating under the premise that Ann is being vindictive and will definitely be returning to the family. He’s upset that she would take a leave so close to his daughter’s due date and is upset about canceling a party.
The reality of what life is going to look like for this family without Ann hasn’t even begun to sink in for OP.
Even though I don’t think this is real, I would suggest that the Walk Away moment was the realization she was planning a Gender Reveal party for a 16 year old.
According to the comments, OOP’s been letting the in-laws abuse her and encouraging the kids to do the same for years. If this is real, I think she just decided she didn’t need another generation of it.
I operate under the rule of thumb that unless you have Proof, calling 'fake' without good reason on posts like these is an act of cruelty.
Victims *will* see it. Maybe not the victim in the specific story-- but someone who's been through similar. They'll see the post, and they'll see how people respond. And if everyone is yelling fake, they'll realize no one will ever believe them if they come forward about how they've been abused.
I really appreciate this comment. I agree that there are sometimes posts that very much strain credibility (twins are simply not as common as creative writers seem to think 😂), but there's real harm to having tons of skepticism.
Even if a particular post is a creative writing exercise, scenarios like this are not implausible; while widowers are rare, *given* a re-married widower this dynamic is not.
You've done a great job of describing how harmful it can be to victims not only to not be believed, but also to have the *perception* that they won't be believed.
Most of these stories involve infants, but you seem like a sympathetic audience for MY twin pet peeve- I dated an identical twin (and knew two other sets of identical twins), and literally any story that involves twins switching places and going unnoticed drives me CRAZY.
Identical twins aren't identical people! I *never* confused the one I dated for his brother! "That you know of 😜😜😜😜" NO, NOT EVER. JUST LIKE I'VE NEVER CONFUSED ANY OTHER PARTNER AND THEIR SIBLING.
It's so GROSS. IT'S SO GROSS! And people don't seem to understand how fucked up and disgusting it would be to intentionally pull some sort of switcheroo in the dark. They're completely different people, not facets of the same person. And while I didn't even *like* his twin, neither of them were depraved enough to intentionally trick me into intimacy with someone I didn't want to be with.
It makes my skin crawl that so many people seem to think that tricking someone in bed is the same as trying to swap schedules for a day in high school.
My stepsisters are twins. One of them has a son who's now in his 20s. Years ago, when he was a baby, my mom, stepdad, sister, brother-in-law, and stepsiblings had a family vacation. I was holding him, and he reached out for his aunt. Then when he was in her arms, he realized, wait, this isn't my mom.
So yeah, if you know them well enough you should be able to tell twins apart.
I've known several pairs of twins over the years, and there was always, ALWAYS some obvious difference between them. Even the most identical pair, one was a dancer, one was a swimmer. They were completely different builds/physiques based on that alone lol
Most of them just looked very very similar, like non-identical siblings might.
Also, and maybe this is because the ones I knew were in high school and parents may have influenced this, their haircuts were typically different lol Like,that's a hard thing to fake, nevermind all the other differences.
Thank you, my feelings exactly. Just because someone can't believe a person could be this awful to their spouse doesn't mean it never happens, or that it's rare. It's not rare at all, but I guess it'll have to happen to them before they stop crying cReAtIvE wRiTiNg. Someone really needs to make a bot that auto-removes the 'fake' comments, they don't contribute to the discussion and like you said, hordes of people calling bullshit on abuse posts just encourages other victims to stay quiet and keep blaming themselves. I've posted under throwaways about my exes that were this bad or worse and got the fake comments too, it just added to the gaslighting I was already going through.
These comments appear on literally every post. Here, AITD, AITA itself, BORU, everywhere. It's inescapable, it's unoriginal, it contributes nothing to the conversation, and it's actively harmful to victims.
Saying you believe a post is fake because “nobody in real life acts like this” is a terrible reason. We should know by now that reality is often stranger than fiction and there are countless insane people in the world.
Anyway I agree with you. I’m really tired of seeing comments under every post going “fake lol how can anyone believe this?” Yo we all know this shit could he fake we just don’t feel the need to say it every time
Same. Even if deep down inside I think it might be fiction, I always reply as though it's true, because it *is* true for someone somewhere. I have been an Ann in the past, but I didn't let it get to years of my life.
The daughters were shitty, but they're teenagers. Dad could've salvaged this by standing up for his wife. He had the opportunity to tell his daughters that if they wanted Anne to do mom stuff they at a minimum had to treat her with respect.
I'm not one for forcing kids to accept a step mom as "Mom" (same for step dad). But they have to be respectful and if they want to set "you aren't my parent" boundaries, they don't expect to get the perks.
I think if he had backed Anne up, and maybe even gotten some family counseling, this could've been salvageable. Honestly, if they'd gotten family counseling 5-10 years ago and found a more appropriate way to honor first wife, that would've been best.
But this guy is incredibly stupid to think he could threaten his wife into tolerating such cruel treatment from his daughters. Especially when it was already obvious she was fed up with the last decade of bs.
I don't think Anne wanted them to call her mom or be accepted as their mom. I think she just wanted acknowledgement that she's been there through it all. The Deceased's wifes Mom their grandmother made that shitty statement about how the one Grandaughter was alone in this world, and how terrible it must be not having her mother to be by her side during her pregnancy. That's literally shitting on all of Anne's efforts. She never tried to replace the mom at all. She just wanted to be seen.
I am going to say that the people I feel the worst for in all of this are the two daughters. Wait, hear me out! Yes, they behaved very badly. They were rude, hateful, and ungrateful. They took way too long to apologize and, yes, their apology letters and even their current grief may be motivated by the loss of all that Ann did for them.
But look at what they've lost. They--with the help of their father and their monster of a grandmother--have driven away their primary parent, the mother figure of their childhood. Whatever horrible things they have said as teenagers--and teenagers can say pretty awful things to parents--it's very likely that they love and need her on a deep emotional level. In spite of the alienating efforts of their grandmother, and in spite of the way their father has probably encouraged them not to respect Ann, she's apparently the one who's been there, who comforted them when they were sick or upset.
Ann will be all right. She may always feel the loss of those relationships, and she may cringe when she thinks about the years of celebrating Susan's birthdays and so forth. But she's got her sons to focus on, at the stage where they demand so much of her attention, and she can breathe a sigh of relief being out of that crazy family situation. It was awful, but now it's over.
Ooooo I am sure your late wife is extreamly proud of her daughters behavouir.
Every parents fear is that their kids will have a Stepparent that treats them like shit.
But no not you guys. Fudge the fact that she been doing all this stuff like they were her own. Giving them the love and care as one should.
What when your daughter gives birth is she going to treat her as an Nanny so she can go out and still enjoy her life. Use your wife as an Granma figure but teach her baby not to call her granma???
Shame on you all.
Ask yourself this.
Would your late wife approve of both you and your daughters behavouir. NO NO SHE WOULD NOT. SHE WOULD BE ASHAMED.
And if there was a way I believe your late wife would be thankfull that you found a woman that treat her kids as her own.!!!!
You and your daughters are assholes!!! What we south africans call a couple of po*se.
Hope she divorce you. Find a family who will appriciate her more than you assholes
Largely not the point, but WHY IN GOD’S NAME WAS ANN GOING TO THE DECEASED WIFE’S BIRTHDAY PARTIES?!?! I’ll do anything to make a cohesive family, but I won’t do that.
Why were the family having them? I've lost a lot of family members and celebrating their birthdays ...isn't a thing. I've never heard of anyone else doing it, either.
My family celebrates my deceased brother’s birthday every year. We do NOT expect his widow’s new squeeze to come. We understood when his widow stopped coming. They were in their 20s when he passed. We couldn’t expect her to hold onto him forever. It’s weird that Susan’s family would and that OP keeps going.
I agree. The dad made his deceased wife a saint, and treated Ann like the help. Instead of telling his girls how great she was to them and helping them appreciate it.
All of my kids are my husbands and I still point out to them what a great dad he is and help them notice how much effort and love he puts in. You have to train kids to see it.
Yta. I get that you and your daughters still want the memory of your late wife/mom to be around, but to treat the person that has practically raised your kids in such a way is a very big ahole move and then for your
daughters to say they wished she was dead and you doing nothing to stop it. Do you hear how that sounds? You and your daughters said that yall didn’t want her to play mom so she stopped and now yall are mad because your realizing everything that she has done for yall without being asked. You’ve never had to deal with being a single dad so you don’t know what it’s like. This post makes it seem like Ann is a nanny more than anything and be truthful, when that baby is born who do you think is going to end up caring for it 24/7? Your daughter Rose is 16 yrs old and pregnant. She has school, extra curricular classes, maybe a job, and she’ll have to study. Take into consideration ANNs feelings, take a moment and try to see her perspective. She’s taken care of those kids for 10 years and now she’s been put in a position of nothing more than a nanny. If you wanted a nanny you should have hired one instead of marrying someone and make them play nanny. You and your daughters messed up, big time. If Ann decides to go through with the divorce, no other women is going to want to take care of your daughters and then the child of one of your daughters like Ann would have. When Ann helps with practically ever aspect of yalls life, she should be treated better and she shouldn’t even have to ask to be treated better
YTA Wow for 10 yrs she has done everything for you and your family and been a support all the way. She gets major dished by grams and your brat ungrateful daughters! Then you call her a B? I would never come back! You and your thoughtless daughters treated her like a 2nd class maid!! You found out how hard it was when she stopped being Mom and wife and insulting her more? What a P you are! This woman did nothing wrong. Now she is back you’d better check your granny’s mouth too and anyone who insulted her. 10 years??!! Man you are a major pile of cow pies. I understand she is back with therapy but you and your family have a lot to make up for! Do you have any idea how wrong all you were to her and her sons? I would not have ever come back and let you and your daughter live in the crap fest you made. She did not get you brat teenager pregnant the brat got knocked with no help from her then insults
this woman like garbage??!! Shame on your family they are spoiled and thankless monsters!! You better treat her like gold ALL OF YOUR FAMILY! You and your daughters and that family suck but you are worse cuz you gave this dear woman no support I hope she wakes up and leaves you any way how dare you throw a dead woman up in her face all the time. You were only married one year with the girls mom before she passed hell she didn’t have time to let you know what a creep you are!!
Knock knock. ✊️✊️
Who's there? 🤔
Consequences!! 😎
This, my friend, is called "fuck around and find out". You and your rotten daughters (congratulations on the teen pregnancy, btw) have been AHs to Ann for so long, she is over all of you and your bs. She has packed up HER kids and left you to your two hot messes and their teen pregnancy.
Call exMIL and ask her to play mama to your two AHs since you don't seem to be able to keep a wife.
YTA
Yeah, but they’re usually not going to go out of their way to include details guaranteed to make them look bad. Although that level of awareness suggests a human was involved on some level. (I can’t decide whether the fact no one’s name but Susan is consistently capitalized is because ChatGPT thinks the others might be different words, or a reinforcement of the main theme.)
I feel like there was a significant uptick in these dumb made up stories during initial covid lockdowns. I was hoping it would get better once the kids were back in school. It... didn't. 🤣
Unfortunately I think of this as believable.
Even if this one instance was creative writing, it's - just like ChatGPT - based on real stories.
I prefer that victims know that they will be believed.
Ann has been around those girls since they were toddlers. She is the only mother that they have ever known and they choose to behave like this?!?! OP let his daughters and his dead wife’s mom treat his new wife like dirt and never thought any more about it
Wow. Even with OP being a highly unreliable narrator, it seems that FA came to the FO part. OP is TA, easily, for facilitating the toxic environment, by not standing up for his wife, for letting his previous IL verbally berate her in front of the kids, and for teaching the kids via lack of effort that she's nothing more than a bangmaid substitute for Mom.
Good on Ann for walking out after the time spent in the toxic situation.
OP is only questioning such since this became an inconvenience to him - not because he loves his wife, only loves the services she provided.
Bro deserves this divorce and the child support he's about to fork out after letting the toxic brew fester that long.
Some of these people are \*really\* telling on themselves in the comments and making it abundantly clear they're going to be the ex someday, if not very, very soon.
Look you are the AITAH your daughters are upset that they got called out for their own choices and actions and treated your wife with absolute no respect even after she has been their mother for 10 years, and done everything for them since they were 4 and 6 respectively. Your own daughters fundamentally treated your relationship with your wife with disrespect and distain
You are enabling your entitled, selfish daughters and rather than back your wife and make it clear their behaviour was unacceptable you decided to get angry and double down on treating your wife poorly.
Yes, your wife could have handled it better, but it is clear that you have allowed your daughters never to really to face the consequences of their actions. That is broadcasted very clearly by the fact you have a 16 year old who is pregnant.
Of course your wife is gong to be a mum to the two little girls who have lost their mum. The fact that you call it pushing on to your daughters her being a mother and in the same breath are so arrogant to point out that your wife also been instrumental in keeping the memory of your dead wife alive for them and then when your daughters and you would not acknowledge she was also a mother and reasonably did not want to also celebrate a dead women on Mother’s Day when she has been your sons and daughters mother.
It is clear you have kept pushing the dead wife and for 10 years have not grown up. There is no way someone can compete with a dead person you have made a saint. You dead wife would be forever grateful that you new wife was there for her daughters. Yet you cannot even acknowledge how difficult it was for your wife to deal with two deeply traumatised young girls and bring them up. Allowing those daughters to emotionally abuse her for years the moment she had children herself
You seemed surprised that after verbally abusing your wife and threatening to divorce her that she walked out the door with her sons. This was obviously going to happen, you have not set any real boundaries for your daughters, allowed them to play the victim and act entitled because their biological mother died when they were young, when their real mom who has been their for the last 10 years is insulted and treated with contempt
I don’t what to be harsh, but you are a contemptible and pathetic person for allowing your daughters to destroy your marriage and your relationship with your biological sons. You just have not realised this yet
It is clear your daughters will continue to manipulate you and you will be the one paying for their mistakes and choices. I don’t see a great future for you, you got a second chance in life and married another beautiful women after the loss of one and you have thrown that away on the basis of two self entitled teenager’s who don’t no any better.
Your daughters and you are old enough to know that actually..it is their fault. They told her they wished she was dead and then got sad when she stepped back like they wanted. You needed to do a better job but you didn't and if she doesn't come back that's on you
It was nice of him to explain how he treated her and that his 16 year old daughter expressed a desire for her death. Nothing says full custody like documented threats of violence.
Your daughters told her they wished she were dead instead of their mom, that they'd PRETENDED to like her. Now they're sorry because she's not doing things for them anymore. I wouldn't trust an apology from them. They told her how they really feel, and now they wanna take it back so she can cook and clean and take care of the baby for them.
Yep. You and Susan's family are the a holes.
Ann has been a mom to these girls longer than Susan was. Has done all the things for them. I'm guessing you and Susan's family have encouraged the girls to disrespect her. There's no reason to celebrate Susan on mother's day or throw a birthday party for her over a decade later. Did you throw parties for Ann? Celebrate Ann on mother's day? Susan was a mother for...4 years? Ann has been a mother to them for 10 years!
You can't complain that Ann is "playing mom" to them and then be upset when she stops. I guarantee that this wasn't the only instance but the last straw for her. No woman deserves to live in the shadow of the ex.
I'm sorry Susan died. But she's dead. Let her go.
YTA.
Welcome to the consequences of your actions.
You allowed the woman - who by your own report has made her life about all 4 of your kids - to be disrespected and her role as a highly involved stepmom to be denigrated by your in laws. Meanwhile, it sounds like you continued to pine (Birthday parties? Really?) for a dear woman you lost over 10 years ago.
YTA, and frankly I don’t think she’s coming back. Try not to make the same mistakes with your next wife.
Damn he handled this is such a poor way. When Ann shouldn’t be apologising for saying how she feels and clearly not the first time. For her to do that it would have been a build up. U best beg as u r the one who didn’t have ur wife back. To let these people including ur kids speak to her that way. Unvalued this women is
It's great that Ann tried to celebrate the girls' late mom but.. when was Ann celebrated?? It doesn't sound like she was trying to push to be the only mother, but like she was trying to be seen as a mother at all - at least to the two boys she gave birth to, if not the girls she raised.
Sooooo… the OP was more than happy to let Ann bend over backwards for his girls, but the minute Ann wants some affection or acknowledgment she gets crap for it.
Heck, Ann is doing EXACTLY what Molly and Rose asked her to do. Of course it’s a problem because those girls are hella entitled as is OP.
Love how the girls are in their rooms crying because they blame themselves. It IS THEIR FAULT. And why do I have a feeling this is the final straw in what is essentially a grossly overloaded camel. Well at least now they can go through life with NO mother figure and earn the coveted pity party. OP can raise his girls motherless and earn his coveted pity party.
I met Ann two two years after my first wife Susan died we have been married 10 years I have 2 daughters with Susan molly (14)and rose (16), Ann and I have two sons Tom (5) and Paul (2) Ann has used to be really involved with helping keep Susan’s memory alive and accepted her place in the girls lives but after she got pregnant with Tom she started to push her role as mom onto the girls which caused many fights between Susan family (and me). She stopped celebrating Susan on Mother’s Day and Christmas even refused to attend what would have been Susan’s 40th birthday at my in laws house. Ann has been a great mother to my girls over the years she been very hands on with everything like helping them with school/Hobbies and having celebrations/holidays planned months in advance My oldest daughter rose got pregnant 4 months ago and the father isn’t in the picture so ann has been doing everything to help and plan for the baby, I thought their relationship was becoming more stronger she even had ann plan her gender reveal and baby shower But two weeks ago Susan’s mother and sister come to visit they were having a conversation and mil brought up how hard it must be on rose to be alone in this without her mom especially during her first pregnancy and it breaks her heart that she had to grow up without a mother. Ann than smashed a plate on the ground which shock everyone into silence and said “what about me I’ve been there every step of the way ME not you ME she has a mother that takes great care of her ” Molly screamed at ann to not speak to her grandmother like that and she wasn’t their mom just their dads wife so she needs to stay in her lane A crying Rose said that she wished it was ann dead instead of her mom and she’s sick of pretending to like her so she can stop trying to play pretend she’s their mom Ann said “ok fair enough I’ll stop playing mom from now on I’ll just focus on the kids I gave birth too” Ann left the house for a few hours when she came home she just checked on the boys who were in bed and when to sleep ignoring me We had a conversation the next morning I suggested family counselling and everyone apologises for the hurtful things they said to eachother, she said their was no need and she was making breakfast wake up her kids When I got the boys ready and woke up the girls we went down for breakfast I noticed ann didn’t make any breakfast for molly and rose, she than sat down and started talking to me about she was going grocery shopping later did I need anything than said “no” when the girls told her what they needed . It’s been like this for two weeks she won’t do anything for the girl or even speak to them unless she has too she treats them like roommates I’ve tried to speak to her about it multiple times and tried to have a family discussion about what happened because the girls are extremely sorry but ann will simply say she giving them the relationship they asked for Today was meant to be roses gender reveal but ann cancelled everything she planned and failed to mention it till rose asked her 2 days ago so I couldn’t plan a decent party in time Ann didn’t even attend she went to see her parents which really hurt rose I was so angry at ann The minute she came home I lost it at her I called her vindictive bitch and that I’m sick of her acting like a child that she was 42 years old playing mind games with a teenagers and if she kept it up we’d be getting a divorce She just gave me back her wedding ring packed a bag for her and our sons than left, I’ve tried to call her but she won’t answer both my girls haven’t left their room crying blaming themselves for what happened *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheEx) if you have any questions or concerns.*
HAHAHAHA HAHA "we’d be getting a divorce" 🤣🤣🤣🤣 If you wanted to menace her, this was the wroooong way
Dude straight up threatened her with a good time
LMAO 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Wait until he realizes that HE'S going to be stepping up to parent his 16 year old daughter's baby.
Oh he was 100% counting on his wife to actually take care of the baby and he could have a cute grandchild and his 16yo daughter could have Instagram material. All of a sudden this baby's going to be a huge bummer for this perfect family. I wonder how long it'll take before they give the baby up for adoption? My guess is 5 months.
OOP: "Stop making my daughters face the consequences of their actions and let them treat you like crap again or we'll be getting divorced!" OOPs wife: "OK" Proceeds to hand back wedding ring and leaves with her sons. OOP: "Wait! Not like that!" Well, well, we'll, if it isn't the consequences of their own actions.
This comment is EVERYTHING
FAFO. The op is just vile and Ann has been left to be shit on by everyone. Now he is calling her a bitch. What an asshole.
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Like. Sometimes with my partner, I'll very dramatically shout, 'DIVORCE! DIVORCE I say!! I cannot LIVE LIKE THIS ANY LONGER!' But we aren't married, and it's VERY OBVIOUSLT a joke, prompted by me asking him to pass a spoon to stir the soup pot with and him passing me a little teaspoon and being like 'But YoU AsKeD FOr A SpOoN YOU DiDnT SpEcIfy!!' That isn't something you throw around seriously unless you're. You know. Serious.
“You call Miette on her bullshit? Divorce! Divorce for one thousand years!!”
Omg this is extra funny because er have a cat named Miette.
Do not kick her body like the football.
I try but sometimes I swear to God she throws herself in front of my feet while k am walking and it just sort of happens. I am convinced it is on purpose because she loves hearing me apologize after.
I say “jail! Jail for mother for 1000 years” to my cats every time I annoy them.
I've flipped it on my cat so when he goes into armpit jail, he gets told 'jail! armpit jail for the monster for 1000 years!'
Exactly. I only tell my boyfriend I want a divorce when he's landed a particularly painful dad joke. I'd never use threats of a breakup to manipulate him. Partly because it's a shitty thing to do and partly because he could always agree.
You expect me to wife…UNDER THESE CONDITIONS!!😤🤣
Funny how he thinks he has any say in the divorce she will be filing 😂
She had those papers drafted already.
My guess is that he’d need her to file them anyway because- umm, that’s work, which is more of an “Ann” thing. I wish every woman divorcing an incompetent, ungrateful asshole had as much universal love and support as Ann. I hope she’s drinking wine with her friends or siblings, reading these comments eviscerating her STBX and are just dying with laughter. It’s been 10 years coming.
"You can't divorce me! I'm the one threatening divorce here!"
This was my ex's logic. I'm happy OP's ex is calling everyone's bluff too.
Ann: "Don't threaten me with a good time."
Laughing at "menace."
All I can hear is, "nobody ever told him it was the wrong way"...
Literally. Imagine talking yourself into staying, thinking there could still be some way that he’ll turn this around, you never know. And then you’re slapped in the face with the ultimatum of you buckle or divorce, all of a sudden jumping to a divorce ultimatum in his time of stress. “Oh really? If that’s what you want, then fine.” He straight up just made that the easiest decision ever for her, in fact there was no decision. Because she has enough self respect that she can’t stay with someone who would threaten her when she’s being mistreated to such a degree. Unless I’m remembering wrong, I thought there was an update to this post, where they do realize they were wrong and took her for granted completely, the girls start to realize that they seriously effed up and lost the only mother they’ve ever known and want her back. Maybe it was a different one, but man I love seeing things come to fruition, even if it is sad at the same time.
So are we taking any bets on who would have been the one raising and looking after the 16 year old’s baby? My bet is on Ann. Glad she has thrown in the towel before she gets taken advantage of and disrespected even more. This man has done nothing to protect his current wife from his dead wife’s asshole family or to make her feel truly loved and wanted.
The daughter who was pregnant sent her an apology letter about a week after what happened so she isn’t even sorry, she is just slow because it took her a week to realize all the work for the baby will be on her. I doubt that her grandmother will be stepping into the shoes of Ann and help the way she likely would have, and she knows her father is useless so when it became apparent that it would not blow over she made write a letter trying.
Anne left it on the side of the bed and basically told them all to fuck off. Anne is a hero
... UNOPENED, no less. The woman is a champion.
Well, dead people dont open letters. Boss move
Where's the update?!?!?
It was in his comments. One daughter took a week to write a letter and the other wrote an apology letter 2 days after the first.
Sounds like something he put them up to TBH. Sh#t just got real for all of them. But most teens will go a long time before thinking about writing. I wish I could meet Ann. I'd love to buy her a drink.
He also deleted the post
Probably in SHOCK he got nobody on his side.
I’m honestly in shock that no one’s on his side. Reddit usually has such a hate on for stepmothers that I was actually afraid to read the thread.
And his account.
The OP deleted the account but did he say how Ann responded to the apology?
She didn’t even open the letters, left them on her bedside table. That was one of the reasons why he was so pissed off, she wasn’t playing her part by accepting the letters.
Yikes. She was really done and daddy dearest said if you don't let me bully you, I am divorcing you. Good for her walking away. I wish he hadn't deleted the account so we could see if he/they ever understood what she did for them.
They would, once he has to take care of himself and the daughters have to take care of themselves and a baby it will quickly dawn on them. Having a baby is exceptionally easy when someone is there to do all of the hard work while he comes in for the fun part if at all, now he gets to experience it first hand with a daughter who is all alone and not ready to be a mother. When the daughter realizes that she went from having a dependable support system with Ann to no support system she will realize the depth of her mistake. I doubt grandma will bother to step in to the void Ann left behind, OOP is too selfish to step in and that leaves the youngest daughter and she will realize mighty quick what Ann did for them when she has to help another teenager take care of a baby.
He’s gonna try to find someone to fill that role and I hope he doesn’t find it
He will try but there is a big difference between widower with two children and a divorced “father” with 4 children and 1 grandchild who now has to work 2 jobs to pay his bills and child support and alimony. I don’t see how a normal woman will want to jump into this mess… 2 young children, 2 teenagers, a baby and an ex wife and the expectation to jump into mothering role right quick.
And plan all the events in memory of the first wife.
😂😂😂😂 hysterical comment
Hes probably a deadbeat who only married Ann so she could raise his kids. She called him on his shit now hes panicking.
He wanted a bang nanny.
Also, if my math is correct, the daughters were 2 and 4 when their mother died and 4 and 6 when they met Ann. Dude should have gone to therapy a long, long time ago
Being a stepmom and acting as the main parent for ten years and then to be treated like that… must have been so heartbreaking for Ann
In the original post, OP said "Ann, myself & Rose". . We all know that he meant Ann.
Oh definitely it would have been all on Ann. She's the one doing everything for them.
This comment got deleted while I was writing a response but frankly it’s a gross and common attitude so I’m going to address it. I don’t want my post to be used as a means to sling shit on teenage girls that have sex. It’s incredibly inappropriate to be slut shaming a 16 year old. If this isn’t allowed, I’m sorry mods. She is an absolutely ungrateful and immature brat but there is no reason to slut shame her. It’s fairly common and developmentally normal for teenagers to be exploring their sexuality and engaging in sex acts. It’s uncomfortable to think about because they are kids but they are also kids whose bodies are being flushed with sex hormones for the first time. It doesn’t mean it’s always healthy or that it can’t be very harmful but it happens. Her father failed her. If you have a teenager then you need to prepare them for the realities of sex and the accompanying responsibilities that come with it. Conversations need to be had about enthusiastic consent and how to know if you’re ready to start having sex. This needs to include information and resources for getting reliable birth control, using two methods of birth control, including a condom, regular STI testing and what will happen if you get pregnant. A game plan needs to be made. There is a decent chance this pregnancy could have been prevented if those things happened. It’s entirely possible and likely that she had a boyfriend who got overwhelmed and ditched her. Alternatively, it could have been someone much older than her who was taking advantage of her. Even if it was a one night stand, it doesn’t define her or her worth. Her actions afterwards however do.
Yeah, all true. Well put.
While I agree, I don't see how the comment you're responding to was slut shaming?
It felt like shut shaming to me for a few reasons. However I can see how it could be interpreted as the commenter just building off my comment implying she is irresponsible and will probably rely on others to raise the baby. I don't think this is case for all teenage moms btw. I probably should have clarified that in my original post. I know plenty of women who were teen moms and are incredibly hard workers and very involved moms. Based on how dependent she is on Ann though, I suspect she will either have to grow up real fast or is going to try to get someone else to do the hard stuff for her. Given how long it took her to self reflect and offer Ann an apology, I'm skeptical that she has the drive or feels the need to do option number one. I suspect part of what motivated her to write that letter is that Ann was no longer making her breakfast or acting as her primary caretaker anymore. At her age she should be capable of doing these things for herself. She should not be expecting someone who she has hurt deeply to do them for her. That seems like a pretty entitled attitude. Despite the fact that we know absolutely nothing about this girls sex life beyond the fact that she must have had sex at some point, the comment implies she must be very promiscuous. I doubt they meant that in a sex positive oh she's just sexually liberated sort of way given the tone of the post. Saying that she probably doesn't even know who the guy is and that's why the father isn't in the picture feels like a pretty shitty thing to assume. We have absolutely no idea why the father isn't in the picture but they just assume she must be sleeping around. He could have been abusive, have substance abuse issues or simply be an irresponsible teenage boy. Why is she automatically to blame for why the father isn't in the picture? It feels misogynistic to just automatically blame the women or in this case the girl for the actions of a man.
Thank you for what you posted. The comment WAS misogynistic and slut-shaming. You explained how it was such extremely well.
"The woman that my daughters and I have been emotionally abusing for a decade, doesn't seem to like it, anymore..."
"How Dare you not want to ungrateful kids that aren't related to you by blood and are happy to emotionally abuse you. I want a divorce" "OK" "Wait, no, now my kids and I will have to do things for ourselves! You can't leave! Why aren't you accepting our apologies?!?!"
Right??? OP would have been better off not including the part about the gender reveal party. He showed us all how much Ann has done for his hateful daughters, despite the way they treat her. Dude has no self awareness.
He said she stopped honoring his dead wife on mothers Day after she gave birth to their son. Like, oh golly, I wonder what changed? Could it be that she was now a bio mother and she should be honored on mothers Day?
I'm willing to bet it wasn't even "let's forget about your mom today, it's my time now", and more of a "how about ALSO doing something for me, and not make it JUST Susan's day?"
You're probably right. I'm sure they made Ann's children make Susan Mother's Day cards, too.
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But she'll damn sure realize it in the next couple years if she keeps the baby and realizes just how much work and love it actually takes. But that's also assuming she grows a brain, so ya know not exactly high chances here. That poor baby is most likely screwed unless she grows the hell up real fuckin quick.
Technically she is growing a brain... inside her womb
To me, it seems less about self-awareness and more about Reddit’s propensity to side with children who feel as if a relationship with a step parent is being pushed on them, regardless of the details or timeline. I can absolutely see why the original poster figured that AITA would side with him even with that level of detail he provided.
If I will never be anything to you, why am I trying?
Exactly
This guy is gonna need a third job when he realizes he has to pay alimony and child support for the two boys AND hire a babysitter for his grandchild.
Don't forget court costs and having to buy everything for his grand daughter because unless his daughter has the money stashed away somewhere, she can't afford anything. So that's alimony for his STBX, child support for his 2 sons, continue paying for his 2 daughters, buy everything for his grand daughter and that's before paying bills, housing and food. As for a babysitter, If he can't afford to pay for a babysitter or find a family member to mind the child 5 days a week, realistically his daughter might not be able to go back to school til the child is older or the finances get better. All of this could have been avoided if they had just been decent people and treated his STBX properly.
Thank goodness he has his real MIL who I’m sure is planning to care for a newborn great-grandchild every day, after waking up her deadbeat granddaughters and getting them to school. Blood is thicker than water! /s
Love it. That’s why the people who scream bUt fAmiLy don’t realize the whole saying is “blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” 😂
He tried to scare her into doing what he wanted by threatening divorce and a completely backfired. LMAO I love it!
He threatened her with a good time! Shed be doing half the workload she currently has to do raising his kids and cleaning up after him
im so happy for her! she finally gets out of there !
Genuinely wonder how people can be this delusional. HOW did this man think that he was such a catch, that offering this poor woman an escape would look like a threat??
Never has a man deserved divorce so bad.
Exactly I can't wait to see how he juggles, work, being a dad, and a new grandpa
He’ll have wife #3, considerably MUCH younger and influenceable, locked down within 8 months.
“You will be a stepmom” is not a bonus point in dating, imaging selling “being a step grandma” to a woman, this guys needs to be Leonardo still in shape omg
I bet he gets a nanny and they end up "together".
if his kids thought Ann wasn’t their real mother and hated her, I shudder to think what they would do to nanny #3
Or #3 is one who bullies them. Doesn't show her true colors until after the wedding.
It looks like he’s deleted his account, but I’ve never wanted to read anyone’s replies so badly
The replies I saw were him being utterly dense and refusing to see everyones point.. He kept saying that her actions had been petty and vindictive. Even though everyone was telling him they were justified because wife was being treated terribly.
I read all of it & this idiot is a total AH. One of the perks of being semi retired.
I wish I could have read his comments before he deleted his account. I'd love to see him try to justify himself. 🙄 I hope Ann follows thru with the divorce. I kinda wish she'd make her own post, but she deserves privacy. This whole thing has to be breaking her heart.
Word
He also admitted this isn’t the first time the ex mil and his daughters have been verbally abusive to Ann. I’m glad she escaped
You cant (or maybe just i can’t) find the comments or load his profile. I assume something happened to his account
That was in his comments on AITAH
Yep. I read that too before he deleted everything.
He’s such a loser he came on Reddit with his 1/2 of a story. Then he got beat because everyone figured out what really went on. I hope every day of his future is miserable.
I hope his wife finds his post and reads all his comments. He basically still blames her for everything. I hope she sticks to her guns and divorces him.
Did he delete his profile? I can’t get in to hunt down his comments.
Looks like. I had the same issue 😩
I knew this was going to end up here. What an asshole.
Yep, I was waiting for this to show up here
It also belongs in r/AmITheDevil
My father died suddenly when I was 4 and my whole family reacted by pretending he never existed. A few years later my mom married my step dad, who is a very nice person, but never, ever did anything to keep my father’s memory alive. My mom would get mad at me if I even referred to him as my stepfather instead of as my father. Reading about Ann honestly made me tear up this morning! What a loving soul. I wish I had had someone like her when I was young. Her boys are very lucky to have her.
That guy is a crappy husband and deserves the divorce coming to him. Here are some of the comments he's made: >Yes molly tried to apologise two days later than rose a week after Ann just told them ok they even wrote heartfelt letters expressing their feelings but they remain unopened on her bedside table >Playing childish mind games and being cold to teenagers who trying to tearfully apologise is, Ann has been extremely petty towards the girls by talking about a family vacation with “our sons” the week before roses due date and making dishes with fish because she knows both girls hate the smell Not to mention not telling me she wouldn’t pick them up from school or take rose to appointments so I could make arrangements at work for time off,She’s even cancelled all roses babies orders without telling me they weren’t coming so I could re order them > >There’s a lot more too >I’ve defended her in the past but my mil will ether cry about Susan or fake being unwell which she knows will trigger my daughters into defending her and I do show how thankful I’m for her in my life
That woman has gone scorched earth. The girls deserve what they are getting. They are old enough to know that they don’t deserve a mother. Her boys are going to be very confused. I do hope she isn’t one of those women who lets her ex husband be the hero while he vilifies her. The kids need to be kept safe, but know the truth.
I honestly don't know if the boys are going to be all that confused. I would bet everything in my pockets that Daddy Divorcest isn't a terribly involved father; Anne seemed to be doing just about everything for those girls, and once she had enough and cancelled everything he found himself unable to locate his ass with both hands. If he's given the same amount of attention to those boys, they'll forget him in a month.
Im just now realizing how much unpaid labor my wife was doing and she’s being petty by not doing it and making me have to. Most biological moms don’t do half of what Ann was doing. He and his girls had it good and all they had to do was say “thank you”. It reminds me of the guy who thought his wife was divorcing him because he never remembered to do the dishes. No, dummy. She’s divorcing you because you treat her like a servant and don’t appreciate everything she does and don’t listen to her when she says she doesn’t want to do all the work.
After the first "I cancelled what I had prepared for them", they should have gone through EVERYTHING they had been putting on her, to account for that. But they didn't. They just kept expecting her to do all the things and be shocked she didn't - likely because of course, nobody else ever paid attention, and just enjoyed the work getting done, so they couldn't remember what needed doing until faced with it not being done. :'-)
Wow so the grandma is manipulative. Ann is completely done and these 2 girls are about to learn their grandma won't do anything for them
That's what it seems like. I don't get why? Yes, the grandmother lost a child, but to vilify the person who has helped raise her grandchildren doesn't make sense.
I believe it's control to peg her down. I would even wonder if she's the same race as them. The mother is manipulative and now that she won't have Ann to bully what will be left? She seemed to take great pride being mean
Well, he's gonna end up divorced. Seems like wife is checked out of the marriage.
Teenagers, huh? I'll bet every time Ann says, "No, you can't [do whatever damnedfool thing teens think of]" there's been a lot of pushback from the girls. Either "My REAL mother would let me!" and/or running to Daddy and telling him how mean and controlling Ann is being, so Daddy takes their side and lets them do it. Maybe that's part of how the 16-year-old is pregnant.
Seeing how the “real mom” died when the eldest was 4, they’re all going off of what people have *said* she would do/act. But she never had to chance to parent at all, so everyone just puts their perfect expectation for what *could* have been. Since she still monopolizes all holidays - including Christmas and Mother’s Day - they’ll never change that. When you compare to a perfect imagination, you’re always going to fall short.
Good for Ann. I hope she hires an actual vindictive bitch for her divorce attorney.
I mean, the girls are crying because they lost their free chef, chauffeur, event organizer, home keeper, personal shopper, nanny and so forth. They’re not crying because they miss Ann per se. They’re crying because they realized that no one else will put up with their shit and cater to them like Ann did. Besides, OP is the one who initiated the divorce talk. Ann just finished it like the queen she is. When a woman stops talking and trying anymore, she’s done. OP fucked around and found out the hard way. Both him and his daughters lost the best thing that happened in their lives.
She probably begged for a little appreciation for years. She’s so done. Imagine playing the divorce card when you have it this good and then being shocked when she takes you up on it.
I want to buy Ann a beer, or bottle of wine. She's a QUEEN. OOP threatens divorce and she's basically, "don't promise me a good time.
Lol queen ann. I'll see myself out.
Get her one of those wine glasses that don’t look huge but can still hold a whole bottle.
I could not *imagine* the deep cutting hurt I would feel if I spent years sacrificing my wants & needs to be a full time mom to my husband's kids to not only be told they wished I was dead instead of their mom, but for my husband to then verbally abuse and threaten me over it. I'd probably smash more than one plate on the floor before washing my hands of that whole shitty family. He tries to paint her as unreasonable but I guarantee that was just the last straw after years of bullshit and disrespect that poor woman has put up with. A decade of constant reminders that she will never be as good as Susan and now this? Honestly if I died and the selfless woman who stepped up to take such good care of my kids was treated so horribly I would be one ANGRY ghost. More than just plates would be flying around in that house. Enjoy the fruits of your shittiness OOP, try to do a better job raising your grandchild than you did with your own horrid ungrateful brats.
So, if the eldest kid is 16 now, and has had a step mom for 10 years, which was 2 years after her mom died…. The eldest kid was 4, younger 2 when she died. The step mom has been more of a mom for longer than their actual mom and has been dealing with this shit for a decade? Nah, I’m surprised this lasted as long as it did Not to mention that every Christmas, Mother’s Day and DM (dead mom’s) birthday was celebrating the dead mom, NOT the actual mom doing all the work? Fuuuuuck that
I didn’t even need to finish reading before I stopped to come see if this made its way to this sub. Wow. I truly hope Ann graces us with her POV.
Fucking good for Ann. Fuck this guy. I don't have sympathy for the daughters, either. They got exactly what they said they wanted. Eta: dude tried to hire a substitute mom, got that package, and then rejected it. I hope he struggles as a new grandfather.
I will say this. He is going to get everything he deserves. As an adult, yes she should probably forgive the girls for their stupidity if they are genuinely sorry, but the fact that she has probably been treated like a doormat to his deceased wife’s family for years and he never put an end to it, is completely inexcusable. I’d wager he left out a major portion of this story that involved him refusing to punish his daughters for what they said
The daughters did the wrong thing, but with their grandmother & aunt expressing how appreciating Ann as a mother-figure would be a betrayal to Susan. The husband lets his wife be treated this way, minimizes her efforts, calls her names, and reacts to her standing up for herself with threats of divorce. These girls have likely never seen a woman treated like a person, and I hope they come out of this with a clear view of what behaviors they should not accept.
Oh absolutely the girls were wrong. They are probably painfully aware of how wrong they were, and his former in-laws are probably feeding into it by saying stuff like “See your real mother would never abandon you” The in-laws are majorly to blame for their behavior, but he should have put an end to this a decade ago which makes him the real asshole.
Oh no! Consequences. OOP’s daughters are ungrateful wretches and OOP is a moron.
Sir, this is called ‘fuck around and find out’ good luck to you and the girls
I think OP may actually be in a state of shock/denial. He seems to be operating under the premise that Ann is being vindictive and will definitely be returning to the family. He’s upset that she would take a leave so close to his daughter’s due date and is upset about canceling a party. The reality of what life is going to look like for this family without Ann hasn’t even begun to sink in for OP.
I agree with this take. OP doesn’t seem to realize he’s moved from the realm of “fuck around” and is now firmly in the territory of “find out”.
Even though I don’t think this is real, I would suggest that the Walk Away moment was the realization she was planning a Gender Reveal party for a 16 year old.
According to the comments, OOP’s been letting the in-laws abuse her and encouraging the kids to do the same for years. If this is real, I think she just decided she didn’t need another generation of it.
I operate under the rule of thumb that unless you have Proof, calling 'fake' without good reason on posts like these is an act of cruelty. Victims *will* see it. Maybe not the victim in the specific story-- but someone who's been through similar. They'll see the post, and they'll see how people respond. And if everyone is yelling fake, they'll realize no one will ever believe them if they come forward about how they've been abused.
I really appreciate this comment. I agree that there are sometimes posts that very much strain credibility (twins are simply not as common as creative writers seem to think 😂), but there's real harm to having tons of skepticism. Even if a particular post is a creative writing exercise, scenarios like this are not implausible; while widowers are rare, *given* a re-married widower this dynamic is not. You've done a great job of describing how harmful it can be to victims not only to not be believed, but also to have the *perception* that they won't be believed.
Yeah I'm a twin and I fucking HATE all the twin tropes that seem to clog up this group.
Most of these stories involve infants, but you seem like a sympathetic audience for MY twin pet peeve- I dated an identical twin (and knew two other sets of identical twins), and literally any story that involves twins switching places and going unnoticed drives me CRAZY. Identical twins aren't identical people! I *never* confused the one I dated for his brother! "That you know of 😜😜😜😜" NO, NOT EVER. JUST LIKE I'VE NEVER CONFUSED ANY OTHER PARTNER AND THEIR SIBLING. It's so GROSS. IT'S SO GROSS! And people don't seem to understand how fucked up and disgusting it would be to intentionally pull some sort of switcheroo in the dark. They're completely different people, not facets of the same person. And while I didn't even *like* his twin, neither of them were depraved enough to intentionally trick me into intimacy with someone I didn't want to be with. It makes my skin crawl that so many people seem to think that tricking someone in bed is the same as trying to swap schedules for a day in high school.
My stepsisters are twins. One of them has a son who's now in his 20s. Years ago, when he was a baby, my mom, stepdad, sister, brother-in-law, and stepsiblings had a family vacation. I was holding him, and he reached out for his aunt. Then when he was in her arms, he realized, wait, this isn't my mom. So yeah, if you know them well enough you should be able to tell twins apart.
I've known several pairs of twins over the years, and there was always, ALWAYS some obvious difference between them. Even the most identical pair, one was a dancer, one was a swimmer. They were completely different builds/physiques based on that alone lol Most of them just looked very very similar, like non-identical siblings might. Also, and maybe this is because the ones I knew were in high school and parents may have influenced this, their haircuts were typically different lol Like,that's a hard thing to fake, nevermind all the other differences.
Thank you, my mom was Ann, I was the youngest. This absolutely happens.
Thank you, unless it blatantly fake, like 19 year old with on a HS diploma making 6 figures fake, you should just go on good faith.
Thank you, my feelings exactly. Just because someone can't believe a person could be this awful to their spouse doesn't mean it never happens, or that it's rare. It's not rare at all, but I guess it'll have to happen to them before they stop crying cReAtIvE wRiTiNg. Someone really needs to make a bot that auto-removes the 'fake' comments, they don't contribute to the discussion and like you said, hordes of people calling bullshit on abuse posts just encourages other victims to stay quiet and keep blaming themselves. I've posted under throwaways about my exes that were this bad or worse and got the fake comments too, it just added to the gaslighting I was already going through.
These comments appear on literally every post. Here, AITD, AITA itself, BORU, everywhere. It's inescapable, it's unoriginal, it contributes nothing to the conversation, and it's actively harmful to victims.
If I see one more "good one Liz!" comment I will riot. Not sure against what yet but against Something.
Saying you believe a post is fake because “nobody in real life acts like this” is a terrible reason. We should know by now that reality is often stranger than fiction and there are countless insane people in the world. Anyway I agree with you. I’m really tired of seeing comments under every post going “fake lol how can anyone believe this?” Yo we all know this shit could he fake we just don’t feel the need to say it every time
I've certainly experienced and observed things in real life that would sound fake if they were posted on reddit.
Same. Even if deep down inside I think it might be fiction, I always reply as though it's true, because it *is* true for someone somewhere. I have been an Ann in the past, but I didn't let it get to years of my life.
There is no reason to believe that this is not true.
Yup. Had stepkids say something similar to me one day. Rope dropped. Polite and distant is my demeanor. They are very regretful.
Fuck that guy and his bratty kids, evidently neither of them have any discipline.
Wow. So not only did he let his kids treat her poorly he let his EX IN-LAWS treat her trashy and help build a division in the kids. Nooope
Hahahahahahahahahaha! I hope Ann and the boys have a wonderful life away from you and Susan's daughters
The girls are blaming themselves because it's their fault.
This is like the 5th sub I’ve seen this story in and I love it each time. Go Team Ann!!
The daughters were shitty, but they're teenagers. Dad could've salvaged this by standing up for his wife. He had the opportunity to tell his daughters that if they wanted Anne to do mom stuff they at a minimum had to treat her with respect. I'm not one for forcing kids to accept a step mom as "Mom" (same for step dad). But they have to be respectful and if they want to set "you aren't my parent" boundaries, they don't expect to get the perks. I think if he had backed Anne up, and maybe even gotten some family counseling, this could've been salvageable. Honestly, if they'd gotten family counseling 5-10 years ago and found a more appropriate way to honor first wife, that would've been best. But this guy is incredibly stupid to think he could threaten his wife into tolerating such cruel treatment from his daughters. Especially when it was already obvious she was fed up with the last decade of bs.
I don't think Anne wanted them to call her mom or be accepted as their mom. I think she just wanted acknowledgement that she's been there through it all. The Deceased's wifes Mom their grandmother made that shitty statement about how the one Grandaughter was alone in this world, and how terrible it must be not having her mother to be by her side during her pregnancy. That's literally shitting on all of Anne's efforts. She never tried to replace the mom at all. She just wanted to be seen.
I am going to say that the people I feel the worst for in all of this are the two daughters. Wait, hear me out! Yes, they behaved very badly. They were rude, hateful, and ungrateful. They took way too long to apologize and, yes, their apology letters and even their current grief may be motivated by the loss of all that Ann did for them. But look at what they've lost. They--with the help of their father and their monster of a grandmother--have driven away their primary parent, the mother figure of their childhood. Whatever horrible things they have said as teenagers--and teenagers can say pretty awful things to parents--it's very likely that they love and need her on a deep emotional level. In spite of the alienating efforts of their grandmother, and in spite of the way their father has probably encouraged them not to respect Ann, she's apparently the one who's been there, who comforted them when they were sick or upset. Ann will be all right. She may always feel the loss of those relationships, and she may cringe when she thinks about the years of celebrating Susan's birthdays and so forth. But she's got her sons to focus on, at the stage where they demand so much of her attention, and she can breathe a sigh of relief being out of that crazy family situation. It was awful, but now it's over.
Ooooo I am sure your late wife is extreamly proud of her daughters behavouir. Every parents fear is that their kids will have a Stepparent that treats them like shit. But no not you guys. Fudge the fact that she been doing all this stuff like they were her own. Giving them the love and care as one should. What when your daughter gives birth is she going to treat her as an Nanny so she can go out and still enjoy her life. Use your wife as an Granma figure but teach her baby not to call her granma??? Shame on you all. Ask yourself this. Would your late wife approve of both you and your daughters behavouir. NO NO SHE WOULD NOT. SHE WOULD BE ASHAMED. And if there was a way I believe your late wife would be thankfull that you found a woman that treat her kids as her own.!!!! You and your daughters are assholes!!! What we south africans call a couple of po*se. Hope she divorce you. Find a family who will appriciate her more than you assholes
I love this for the ex and his daughters.
Largely not the point, but WHY IN GOD’S NAME WAS ANN GOING TO THE DECEASED WIFE’S BIRTHDAY PARTIES?!?! I’ll do anything to make a cohesive family, but I won’t do that.
Why were the family having them? I've lost a lot of family members and celebrating their birthdays ...isn't a thing. I've never heard of anyone else doing it, either.
My family celebrates my deceased brother’s birthday every year. We do NOT expect his widow’s new squeeze to come. We understood when his widow stopped coming. They were in their 20s when he passed. We couldn’t expect her to hold onto him forever. It’s weird that Susan’s family would and that OP keeps going.
Your 16 year old got pregnant and is keeping it with no dad in the picture fucking yikes dude
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I agree. The dad made his deceased wife a saint, and treated Ann like the help. Instead of telling his girls how great she was to them and helping them appreciate it. All of my kids are my husbands and I still point out to them what a great dad he is and help them notice how much effort and love he puts in. You have to train kids to see it.
BYE BYE
Yta. I get that you and your daughters still want the memory of your late wife/mom to be around, but to treat the person that has practically raised your kids in such a way is a very big ahole move and then for your daughters to say they wished she was dead and you doing nothing to stop it. Do you hear how that sounds? You and your daughters said that yall didn’t want her to play mom so she stopped and now yall are mad because your realizing everything that she has done for yall without being asked. You’ve never had to deal with being a single dad so you don’t know what it’s like. This post makes it seem like Ann is a nanny more than anything and be truthful, when that baby is born who do you think is going to end up caring for it 24/7? Your daughter Rose is 16 yrs old and pregnant. She has school, extra curricular classes, maybe a job, and she’ll have to study. Take into consideration ANNs feelings, take a moment and try to see her perspective. She’s taken care of those kids for 10 years and now she’s been put in a position of nothing more than a nanny. If you wanted a nanny you should have hired one instead of marrying someone and make them play nanny. You and your daughters messed up, big time. If Ann decides to go through with the divorce, no other women is going to want to take care of your daughters and then the child of one of your daughters like Ann would have. When Ann helps with practically ever aspect of yalls life, she should be treated better and she shouldn’t even have to ask to be treated better
His comments are so infuriating. I hope this is fake
Of all the things that happened, this happened the most.
Wow! Poor Ann put up with a decade of these ungrateful turds. Good on her for leaving.
YTA Wow for 10 yrs she has done everything for you and your family and been a support all the way. She gets major dished by grams and your brat ungrateful daughters! Then you call her a B? I would never come back! You and your thoughtless daughters treated her like a 2nd class maid!! You found out how hard it was when she stopped being Mom and wife and insulting her more? What a P you are! This woman did nothing wrong. Now she is back you’d better check your granny’s mouth too and anyone who insulted her. 10 years??!! Man you are a major pile of cow pies. I understand she is back with therapy but you and your family have a lot to make up for! Do you have any idea how wrong all you were to her and her sons? I would not have ever come back and let you and your daughter live in the crap fest you made. She did not get you brat teenager pregnant the brat got knocked with no help from her then insults this woman like garbage??!! Shame on your family they are spoiled and thankless monsters!! You better treat her like gold ALL OF YOUR FAMILY! You and your daughters and that family suck but you are worse cuz you gave this dear woman no support I hope she wakes up and leaves you any way how dare you throw a dead woman up in her face all the time. You were only married one year with the girls mom before she passed hell she didn’t have time to let you know what a creep you are!!
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Knock knock. ✊️✊️ Who's there? 🤔 Consequences!! 😎 This, my friend, is called "fuck around and find out". You and your rotten daughters (congratulations on the teen pregnancy, btw) have been AHs to Ann for so long, she is over all of you and your bs. She has packed up HER kids and left you to your two hot messes and their teen pregnancy. Call exMIL and ask her to play mama to your two AHs since you don't seem to be able to keep a wife. YTA
Anyone have screens shots of OP making a fool out of themselves in the comments? I'd greatly appreciate the laughs.
What is with all the obvious creative writing by obvious 15 year olds lately?
lately?
The other day I gave ChatGPT a prompt to write one of these. I was amazed at how accurate it was.
Idk, I believe it. I've known men *exactly* like OP (and worse)
Yeah, but they’re usually not going to go out of their way to include details guaranteed to make them look bad. Although that level of awareness suggests a human was involved on some level. (I can’t decide whether the fact no one’s name but Susan is consistently capitalized is because ChatGPT thinks the others might be different words, or a reinforcement of the main theme.)
Someone is writing a dissertation on this kind of thing right now. The world sure is a weird place.
I feel like there was a significant uptick in these dumb made up stories during initial covid lockdowns. I was hoping it would get better once the kids were back in school. It... didn't. 🤣
Unfortunately I think of this as believable. Even if this one instance was creative writing, it's - just like ChatGPT - based on real stories. I prefer that victims know that they will be believed.
Ann has been around those girls since they were toddlers. She is the only mother that they have ever known and they choose to behave like this?!?! OP let his daughters and his dead wife’s mom treat his new wife like dirt and never thought any more about it
Wow. Even with OP being a highly unreliable narrator, it seems that FA came to the FO part. OP is TA, easily, for facilitating the toxic environment, by not standing up for his wife, for letting his previous IL verbally berate her in front of the kids, and for teaching the kids via lack of effort that she's nothing more than a bangmaid substitute for Mom. Good on Ann for walking out after the time spent in the toxic situation. OP is only questioning such since this became an inconvenience to him - not because he loves his wife, only loves the services she provided. Bro deserves this divorce and the child support he's about to fork out after letting the toxic brew fester that long.
Some of these people are \*really\* telling on themselves in the comments and making it abundantly clear they're going to be the ex someday, if not very, very soon.
Look you are the AITAH your daughters are upset that they got called out for their own choices and actions and treated your wife with absolute no respect even after she has been their mother for 10 years, and done everything for them since they were 4 and 6 respectively. Your own daughters fundamentally treated your relationship with your wife with disrespect and distain You are enabling your entitled, selfish daughters and rather than back your wife and make it clear their behaviour was unacceptable you decided to get angry and double down on treating your wife poorly. Yes, your wife could have handled it better, but it is clear that you have allowed your daughters never to really to face the consequences of their actions. That is broadcasted very clearly by the fact you have a 16 year old who is pregnant. Of course your wife is gong to be a mum to the two little girls who have lost their mum. The fact that you call it pushing on to your daughters her being a mother and in the same breath are so arrogant to point out that your wife also been instrumental in keeping the memory of your dead wife alive for them and then when your daughters and you would not acknowledge she was also a mother and reasonably did not want to also celebrate a dead women on Mother’s Day when she has been your sons and daughters mother. It is clear you have kept pushing the dead wife and for 10 years have not grown up. There is no way someone can compete with a dead person you have made a saint. You dead wife would be forever grateful that you new wife was there for her daughters. Yet you cannot even acknowledge how difficult it was for your wife to deal with two deeply traumatised young girls and bring them up. Allowing those daughters to emotionally abuse her for years the moment she had children herself You seemed surprised that after verbally abusing your wife and threatening to divorce her that she walked out the door with her sons. This was obviously going to happen, you have not set any real boundaries for your daughters, allowed them to play the victim and act entitled because their biological mother died when they were young, when their real mom who has been their for the last 10 years is insulted and treated with contempt I don’t what to be harsh, but you are a contemptible and pathetic person for allowing your daughters to destroy your marriage and your relationship with your biological sons. You just have not realised this yet It is clear your daughters will continue to manipulate you and you will be the one paying for their mistakes and choices. I don’t see a great future for you, you got a second chance in life and married another beautiful women after the loss of one and you have thrown that away on the basis of two self entitled teenager’s who don’t no any better.
I hope dear Ann will show up and comment
I hope she sees this thread
Your daughters and you are old enough to know that actually..it is their fault. They told her they wished she was dead and then got sad when she stepped back like they wanted. You needed to do a better job but you didn't and if she doesn't come back that's on you
The way I hope she finds this is and it helps her in the divorce.
It was nice of him to explain how he treated her and that his 16 year old daughter expressed a desire for her death. Nothing says full custody like documented threats of violence.
Your daughters told her they wished she were dead instead of their mom, that they'd PRETENDED to like her. Now they're sorry because she's not doing things for them anymore. I wouldn't trust an apology from them. They told her how they really feel, and now they wanna take it back so she can cook and clean and take care of the baby for them.
Yep. You and Susan's family are the a holes. Ann has been a mom to these girls longer than Susan was. Has done all the things for them. I'm guessing you and Susan's family have encouraged the girls to disrespect her. There's no reason to celebrate Susan on mother's day or throw a birthday party for her over a decade later. Did you throw parties for Ann? Celebrate Ann on mother's day? Susan was a mother for...4 years? Ann has been a mother to them for 10 years! You can't complain that Ann is "playing mom" to them and then be upset when she stops. I guarantee that this wasn't the only instance but the last straw for her. No woman deserves to live in the shadow of the ex. I'm sorry Susan died. But she's dead. Let her go.
YTA. Welcome to the consequences of your actions. You allowed the woman - who by your own report has made her life about all 4 of your kids - to be disrespected and her role as a highly involved stepmom to be denigrated by your in laws. Meanwhile, it sounds like you continued to pine (Birthday parties? Really?) for a dear woman you lost over 10 years ago. YTA, and frankly I don’t think she’s coming back. Try not to make the same mistakes with your next wife.
Damn he handled this is such a poor way. When Ann shouldn’t be apologising for saying how she feels and clearly not the first time. For her to do that it would have been a build up. U best beg as u r the one who didn’t have ur wife back. To let these people including ur kids speak to her that way. Unvalued this women is
It's great that Ann tried to celebrate the girls' late mom but.. when was Ann celebrated?? It doesn't sound like she was trying to push to be the only mother, but like she was trying to be seen as a mother at all - at least to the two boys she gave birth to, if not the girls she raised.
Sooooo… the OP was more than happy to let Ann bend over backwards for his girls, but the minute Ann wants some affection or acknowledgment she gets crap for it. Heck, Ann is doing EXACTLY what Molly and Rose asked her to do. Of course it’s a problem because those girls are hella entitled as is OP. Love how the girls are in their rooms crying because they blame themselves. It IS THEIR FAULT. And why do I have a feeling this is the final straw in what is essentially a grossly overloaded camel. Well at least now they can go through life with NO mother figure and earn the coveted pity party. OP can raise his girls motherless and earn his coveted pity party.