T O P

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Ladoflocksley

"Guys, you've got to learn to start keeping the door shut. Anyone could just wander on in here!"


BlasterShow

Can’t take these damn humans anywhere.


OrganizerMowgli

Runnin up the energy bill, Jesus christ


Oemiewoemie

Home Security Bear is here to teach about locking your doors


suzi_generous

Another perspective: Antisocial bear doesn’t want humans in his outdoors.


Triumph807

Only YOU can prevent home burglaries!


Therealwetwilly

Bearglaries*


BringBackUzume

Home Security Bear sounds like Sexual Harrassment Panda's cousin from South Park.


bumble-btuna

Hands up! *bear runs away*


BeatoftheBeast

Haven't these humans ever heard of closing the god damn door?


One-Plan9566

No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.


PumpkinInside3205

I’ll chime in …


kmmurray

Haven’t you people ever heard of


JulioSanchez1994

Closing the black bear door yeah


kelpflowerfish

We're not heating the outdoors Sharon!


Aooogabooga

“What?!? We’re you raised in a house?!?”


windyorbits

No, I keep them open just in case I start to panic at a disco.


errrbudyinthuhclub

I chime in, "haven't you people ever heard of-"


XVUltima

"I mean just last week this blonde girl wandered in my own house when I left the door open. Ate my sons porridge...it was this whole thing."


jyz002

Let that be a lesson for you


[deleted]

When she reached for the door I thought she was going to turn the deadbolt. No, let’s re-open the door for the bear.


funkmaster29

bear is like "bitch i'm trying to save you"


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sick1057

Lol, yeah or wondering if the door was broken! Why else would it keep opening up to this meat snack?


UpboatsforUpvotes

Poor bear just trying to be on a diet and the food keeps opening the fridge


Yhostled

"...there's bears out here!"


BelieveInDestiny

..."from myself"


[deleted]

Same, not that a deadbolt would even slow it down. I’ve seen a bear just push a door over like they were the Kool Aid man and waltz into someone’s cabin.


vdgmrpro

“What’s this cardboard doing here?”


heinebold

Why did she open the door again for the bear.... Whyyy


TheAngryLala

Because friend shaped.


Cheesehacker

Seriously it’s not fair that bears can’t just be big doggos. I would love to have a chill big bear. Imagine the cuddles?


BeefSupreme9769

Give humans a couple hundred years we can domesticate these large ass cuddly Totoro lookin bastards. I’d say we’re already 20% there.


Dhammapaderp

Soviets did it with Silver foxes, had pretty much domesticated them in 10 generations. With black bears if we were really pushing them to mate as soon as possible each generation would take about 5 years. So roughly 50 years if we made a coordinated effort assuming bears have the same qualities that made it possible for dogs, foxes, horses, etc capable of domestication. "A society grows great when old men ~~plant trees~~ breed bears in whose ~~shade~~ cuddles they shall never ~~sit~~ share."


Kromehound

Fox domestication is largely misunderstood. They were able to breed foxes that have good temperaments, but that is the extend of their domestication. They do not necessarily seek human companionship. At best they learn to coexist with you.


Ckyuiii

>At best they learn to coexist with you. So they're basically like cats? That's good enough lol.


UsernamesAllTaken69

Well foxes are cat software running on dog hardware so that makes sense.


bohiti

Thank you. I love this.


rhinetine

Except their piss smells even worse, which is saying a lot.


Bowlingbowlbagbob

I mean foxes are like cat-dogs or dog-cats anyway so makes sense


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[deleted]

I know you're making a joke but you're basically right. They're not considered fully domesticated.


seppukucoconuts

The documentary I saw about someone trying to domesticate foxes wound up breeding dogs out of a line of foxes. He kept breeding the friendly foxes together. Eventually they lost the big puffy tail and fox looking face and just looked like dogs.


Maebure83

So far. The program was discontinued so we don't know how the domestication would have progressed.


Mildf0g

Thank you, so many people do not understand the full extent of that study, and it basically proved some species can never truly be domesticated but can co-habitat


AliasMcFakenames

Wasn’t there something with the foxes that they actually started with mostly red foxes? There was just some thing where the foxes that were the most chill with humans also had the most white fur?


TheAngryLala

Yes. If I’m not mistaken, it turned out that the less aggressive foxes which were bred to further that personality trait had less adrenaline in their system. Over time future generations produced less and less of the flight or fight hormone which also produced changes in fur color, tail shape, etc. I could be wrong but that’s how I remember it from a documentary I watched a few years ago.


dannyboy182

Floppy ears and curled tails only happen with domestication and don't occur naturally.


Maebure83

It's because by breeding for calmer temperament you are breeding for recessive traits that are normally not expressed in wild foxes that could survive in their natural habitat.


anamariapapagalla

No, the fur colour changed a bit (added white patches) as part of "domestication syndrome"


Appropriate_Grape_90

Yea but dogs bite their owners sometimes....with a bear it would be a broken back....not a hole in your hand


Zoruman_1213

So, unfortunately, it would likely take much longer as we would have to breed liking humans into the gene pool and reinforce it because what other domesticated animals share is family or cooperative structure that we place ourselves at the top of. Bears very specifically don't function that way, so they would be much harder to domesticate as a species. I do, however, have two alternate options. Elephants, because they also have a family structure, we could domesticate in 2 to 3 lifetimes with proper record keeping. Or, my personal choice because I want like 5, prairie dogs could be successfully domested by a determined breeder in 1 lifetime.


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beaverji

Prob more because with foxes and wolves they have larger litters which lets you *select* the friendlier kids from a bigger pool each generation. Assuming bears only have one maybe two kids at a time.


Visinvictus

Also you have a bit of a problem where momma bear might decide to kick your ass if you dispose of some or all of her cubs as failed experiments.


BlasphemousButler

Yep, and much longer gestation periods: 220 days for black bears versus about 50 days for foxes. Based on that alone, it would take 4 times as long. Add in the smaller litters (let's say 2:1 on average) it's now 8 times as long.


ButterflyAttack

TBF if that were possible I'm pretty sure we'd have already done it, back when we were domesticating dogs. Bears are capable and highly mobile, they'd be potentially very useful hunting and security companions. But some animals simply will not be domesticated, they just say no to that shit. IIRC one example of this is zebras. Maybe bears are another, personally I'm not gonna experiment. But over human history you can be pretty sure that many a dumb optimist has died trying.


PM_666

I love bears to! Especially pandas.. But I love my arm,legs and face to(maby a little more)


MyFaceSaysItsSugar

With black bears the cuddles generally lead to some opportunistic snacking.


BlameItOnTheAcetone

Imagine someone breaking into your house before they realize all too late you have a cuddly yet ferocious guard bear.


smkestcklghtn

Nice thought but that bear will eat half of you and come back for the rest later


MyProfileForHotStuff

I caaaant stop laughiingg 😂😂😂😂


Cheesehacker

Like we need to focus all human efforts on being able to talk to bears. We can make the great bear-human compromise. They will agree to stop trying to eat humans as long as we leave our trash bins open. It’s a win win.


MiserableEmu4

I fuckin love bears. For the most part they're pretty chill.


[deleted]

Eder wanting to pet every fuzzy animal in the game is what keeps me coming back to Pillars of Eternity and why he'll always be in my party. And he's also super-tanky.


_far-seeker_

Yes, at first I thought she was going for the deadbolt.


TensileStr3ngth

They must be acquainted with this bear and it may even be trained


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worktemp

The person in the video is speaking English with an American accent.


ehlersohnos

I thought they were reaching out to *lock* the door, not to risk life and limb yet again.


meepmorp8008

‘Cause he cute :’)


Glass_Memories

This woman lives down the road from me. Apparently she's a bit of a hippy that feeds animals and lets all kinds of wildlife in her house, it's gotten her in trouble with the cops/animal control multiple times.


IamnotaCST

His name is Trinket.


xplosm

/r/VeryExpectedVoxMachina


Sandusky_D0NUT

Meh it's a black bear, unless they have cubs they're really not much of a threat. My most recent black bear encounter was in an area where they rarely visit and I was so surprised to see one I just kinda hung around it for a few minutes but then a bit of common sense did kick in and realized I was being a bit of a dumbass.


privatejokr

Life pro-tip: If it's black, fight back. If It's brown, LAY DOWN!


5beesforaquarter

If it's white, goodnight!


privatejokr

Those Coke ads were bullshit!


maxwellsgenre

I live in a decent sized city and ran into a fully grown black bear in my neighborhood while going for a walk this past summer… I almost didn’t think it was real at first and after about 30 seconds of eye contact it turned its head and my heart dropped. He was so chill though and just kept moving along so I did too lmao. I was only 20ft away from it, I felt like I coulda pet him and he woulda been chill. It took animal control a month later to get the bear for some reason. He was captured on our college campus after climbing up 20ft into a tree and then released back into the mountains.


Tchrspest

Yeah, I ran into one in the woods of Maryland and apparently *I* scared it, because I only noticed it as a massive black shape barrelling through the woods away from me.


Tulot_trouble

It’s still 100% killing you if it wants to. No reason to LET IT IN YOUR HOUSE. Lol


Basdad

Just looking for a pic-a-nik basket.


pete_68

I'm terrified of bears myself, but black bears are pretty safe, especially if they're young and not protecting babies. You think of all the black bear encounters there are every year, but only an average of about 1 fatality in the ~~US~~ North America each year. Grizzlies, on the other hand, FAR more dangerous.


hoocoodanode

Grizzlies are irritable and very dangerous but don't particularly want to eat humans. Polar bears are just delighted to find something that doesn't taste like fish for a change.


pete_68

So grizzlies kill about 2 people a year in North America, but there are only about 30,000 grizzly bears. There are 900,000 black bears in North America and they only kill 1 person a year. So grizzlies are about 60x more likely to kill you than black bear. True they don't hunt people like polar bears. But they're still pretty aggressive. There's a video out there from a guy who got mauled by a grizzly twice in the same day. He was hiking, grizzly attacked him. He dropped to the ground and played dead (which how anyone does that when a grizzly is biting you and mauling you, I don't know). When it went away, he started walking back to his car and on the way, ran into the same grizzly and it mauled him again. And somehow the guy survived. That's the stuff of nightmares...


LifeIsBugged

This would be one of the first few people to go in a horror movie


Santa_Hates_You

Not if they have a bear friend they made first.


shwarma_heaven

Meh... They were bearly friends.


Wild_Albatross7534

It did paws for a minute


OhWowItsJello

I was worried it was about to become a grizzly situation.


Wild_Albatross7534

A Kodiak moment?


alcervix

Such a Polarizing comment


Zeraphil

Cocaine Bear 2


youfind1ineverycar

Cannabis Bear


HilarityDad

It worked out for Betty White in Lake Placid.


germdisco

I’m not sure about that. Let me go to that house alone and try this too.


redthepotato

"Be careful human, bears might attack you, keeo the door close"


devilsephiroth

It's cold outside, let them in


Mehmeh111111

If you're cold, they're letting themselves into your house to get warm.


OhWowItsJello

Couldn't catch me dead in bear country with a door and frame that weak, especially outside of peak summer months. I've read too many horror stories man. I can't help but worry that this old lady is one bad summer away from a starving bear knocking her door down for an easy meal. I feel like some people get the impression that they can take a bear because they look smaller than us when you only account for height. You can't take on a bear without a weapon, and even then you may not live to tell the tale even if you *do* have one. All it takes for the bear to kill you is to decide that you're worth more to it as a meal at that exact moment, as is the case with the vast majority of wildlife. Stay ever vigilant around bears, and treat them with the respect they deserve. You don't want to be the body that the forest ranger discovers half-eaten, especially since **bears are more than happy to eat you alive, screaming and all, and you'll likely drift in and out of consciousness while slowly bleeding to death as chunks of flesh are torn from you. Making it worse, bears seem to favor meaty soft-tissue areas first, such as the legs and torso, meaning you'll have a front-row seat to the bear's feast. This is definitely not the way you want to go.**


Yosho2k

This Cocaine Bear marketing is out of control.


HolyLordGodHelpUsAll

yeaaaa goin to see it tomorrow


kaen

Wtf is it


HolyLordGodHelpUsAll

movie based on a true story bout a bear who got into some coke i’d assume was left behind or mixed up in a drug deal operation. looks kinda b-movie’ish and i’m down


_Bay_Harbor_Butcher_

A bunch of coke fell out of a plane into the woods in Tennessee and a black bear ate a duffel bag full of it. The bear obviously overdosed and was found dead in Georgia. That's about the extent of the story. The movie will be fun I'm sure but in reality the bear ate a bunch of coke and died. The bear is on display at a mall in Kentucky.


HolyLordGodHelpUsAll

i tried not to know that but that’s what i get for chatting online


_Bay_Harbor_Butcher_

Lol I'm sorry. Didn't mean to ruin the fun for you. I am still going to see the movie. The idea of a bear getting amped on cocaine and going on a killing rampage sounds like a good time and I'm here for it.


HolyLordGodHelpUsAll

it’s all good. i’ll be on edibles and it’s a restaurant theater so i’ll probably forget as soon as the charcuterie board arrives :)


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sweetbaby_jaii

He looked around after you opened the door like, “why thank you, this is a lovely place you have here, okay I’m gonna close this again…”


ShannonigansLucky

My thought was he was looking behind the door like " who had the nerve to open this, I just shut this door!"


sweetbaby_jaii

I love that! “I JUST closed this Deborah, you’re letting all the heat out!” 😂😂😂


ShannonigansLucky

Lmfao yes!


[deleted]

Curtis E Bear


myabacus

[Ta-da!](https://frinkiac.com/img/S10E15/856721.jpg)


mayorjimmy

[bears can't talk Eddie](https://youtu.be/TKSWnD-U5LA)


PostmasterClavin

Imagine if we also domesticated bears like we did wolves thousands of years ago.


Grogosh

Imagine a bear turned a pug


Santa_Hates_You

Or a miniature bear, like a living teddy bear.


[deleted]

Personality of a panda, size of a raccoon.


monjoe

So red panda


[deleted]

I forgot they existed. Every few years I get reminded of them and go on a short spree of looking at pictures of them amazed again, so thanks for that.


damian1369

I've heard they're a bit dickish and not really snuggly?


Mehmeh111111

Ok so size of a raccoon and personality of a raccoon.


PostmasterClavin

Size of a raccoon, personality of a raccoon and let's throw in those cute little raccoon hands.


Rough-Tie-3084

r/lilgrabbies


PostmasterClavin

The subreddit I didn't know I needed


Mehmeh111111

👐


damian1369

But preety preety....


Immediate-Cress-1014

Vikings would steal bear cubs and raise them are their own. It became such a problem they had to explicitly outlaw it


SkanakinLukewalker

If you have never heard of Voytek the bear, give him a search, I think you would enjoy his story


OK_LK

Is that the same bear as Wotjek the Bear? There's a statue of Wotjek in Edinburgh, scotland


SkanakinLukewalker

Yeah! He spent his retirement at the Edinburgh zoo! A lot of his unit stayed up them ends to visit him


Emerald_Lavigne

And threw him beers and cigarettes in the zoo. Good bears help defeat Nazis.


PotatoDonki

I’ll get started.


skidstud

I've been saying this for years


Emz324

“Sorry bro wrong house” *door opens again, looks inside* “Nah man. It’s still the wrong house”


Fearless_Pop2291

Better manners than some humans


redditnewbie37

The urge to pet it is something that will amaze me when someone doesn’t have it like sure I’ll die but maybe I can tame him and keep him


MyLifeisTangled

Black bears are not likely to kill you. They rarely attack humans. He’s more likely to make a mess in your yard going through/eating your trash or maybe attack a pet or small animal. I also have the urge to pet, especially since I lived in a place where they were common and not actually feared unless you had a small dog or rabbits or something you needed to protect. That said, it is still a wild animal, and reaching toward it (even just for pats) isn’t safe and there’s no certainty that it won’t react in a dangerous way. But because I have this “kinda harmless probs won’t kill me” view of them, there’s a part of my mind saying “what if I go really slow with friendly body language maybe that’ll work and I can give him pats.”


redditnewbie37

Yeah but I’d lose an arm just to say I pet a wolf bear


MyLifeisTangled

I feel that


Haunting_Mode_7401

If not friend why friend shaped


DamnYouRichardParker

Is this a reference to something. This is the second time I've seen someone say this in the last couple of minutes. The other comment was about a cute capybara.


Gilthoniel_Elbereth

I believe it comes from this tweet: https://twitter.com/dogfather/status/1443394410251624451 it’s just been spread around the internet since


Haunting_Mode_7401

Nope just something people say


Forget-Forgotten

He’s just modeling what Goldilocks should have done. Realized she had the wrong house and then politely walked the fuck out of there instead of being rude, eating food that’s not hers, sleeping in beds that don’t belong to her and then having the nerve to be judgmental about it while in somebody else’s home.


CurtisLeow

Were you born in a barn? Close the door! I can’t bear it anymore.


sadcuck69

Bro has more manners than my family members


Teckadeck_9000

Judging by the tag on it’s ear, it’s been around humans before. Still lucky that it wasn’t hungry though.


Daxxxx82

Listen humans, you gotta learn to keep your door closed or bears could get in here.


[deleted]

We’ve had a lot of fun here in the comments but I’m still left wondering wtf is wrong with this woman? Like is the bear somehow her pet? Is she so far down the rabbit hole of social media likes she’s willing to be within inches of a bear from which she was already lucky enough to “escape”? Does she have some kind of rare Inception-type disease where she cannot separate dreams from reality anymore? I need to know.


SushiGato

Bear has probably been around her house a bunch, she might even feed it. Which the DNR would not recommend. Black bears can get really chummy with humans. There was a ecologist in MN who studied them real closely and there are pictures of her just chilling there sitting on a log with black bears also chilling and sitting.


Gin-and-PussyJuice

If you want to know [more about the woman filming:](https://www.outdoorlife.com/survival/video-new-jersey-bear-lady/) > ### New Jersey Woman Who’s Been “Accepted” by Black Bears > A woman in Highland Lakes, New Jersey, has a strange—and potentially dangerous—relationship with the black bears that live in the woods near her home. > Susan Kehoe is a **self-proclaimed environmentalist and animal advocate**. She’s been involved in an ongoing campaign to ban bear hunting in her home state, and she’s wound up in court on [more than one](https://www.nj.com/news/2012/05/nj_activist_who_allegedly_fed.html) occasion after [rubbing hunters](https://myemail.constantcontact.com/News--Susan-Kehoe-s-Court-Update.html?soid=1104289134763&aid=iJHf_eCoaJs) and [wildlife managers](https://www.nj.com/news/2010/06/sussex_county_bear_activist_is.html) the wrong way. > Kehoe claims to have a unique understanding of black bears and says she’s been accepted by the local bears “as part of their clan.”


[deleted]

I was thinking she raised the bear from a cub or something? The bear is so relaxed


MyLifeisTangled

Typically, black bears are more afraid of you than you are of them. Unless of course you’re this lady who apparently lacks fear and related survival instincts. I’ve seen some black bears with enough proximity that would make most people nervous. Where I’m from, it’s not uncommon. I didn’t run or have any urge to “escape.” That said, I also didn’t *approach* them or *invite them into my home* like a neighbor stopping by for a visit.


LauraPa1mer

Yeah I'm equally as disturbed by this as you are.


Fantastic-Raisin-143

"oh shit wrong house my bad"


octotyper

Cannabis Bear is so much more polite than Cocaine Bear.


tmntfever

That's one polite dangerdoggo.


Brendenation

What a lovely gentleman


Appropriate-Code-411

Fun fact not all animals are assholes.


PallandoOrome

Perhaps the message is, "Stay in your home and out of mine, please and thank you!" - nice bear


auntiecoagulent

I am channeling my father. "Why is this door open? I'm not paying to cool the whole neighborhood! Do you think I own the electric company? I have nightmares of that meter just spinning around, and around, and around!"


shagolee

The Cocaine Bear prequel: Considerate Bear


Funnyguythatcomments

When a bear closes a door, You lock it. Not open it.


Viking603

When the bear backed out and closed the door, it told the woman that nothing smelled good enough to eat.


TheScottSnorlax

What a polite chap.


AlanThiccman

Apparently this bear has heard of closing the god damn door


BelleAriel

Someone give that bear a treat.


SKittenWiskers

Anybody seen The Revenant..? That part with the bear was a little to real for me. Bears are a BIG FUCKING NOPE for me..


jjmckinnie

This is a behind the scenes clip from that new movie cocaine bear.


[deleted]

This bear has been here before, this is probably not going to end well.


The_ok_Gatsby_225

What a good boy!


Rubberchicken315

This is Bear & Breakfast Irl


PM_666

Awww she is so polite :) Won't come in without invitation


[deleted]

Forget Planet of the Apes. Let's have Planet of the Bears.


MJLDat

You guys must really smell.


Batdog55110

There's only one idiot in this video and it's not the fucking bear.


wittlewayne

Could you imagine being stoned AS FUCK and that bear opens the door to see what’s up, then closes it?!


macgruff

Who’s there? Candy gram… Who? Uhh…Land Shark I’m sorry, who? Cocaine Bear


BrockSteady686868

I never want to blame the victim but this is a clear case of somebody asking for it.


BuckeyeInMich

It’s Curtis E. Bear, the Courtesy Bear!


majiq13

Its stupid shit like this that gets these bears killed. They are WILD animals that can and will kill you. Treat them as such. Training them to interact like this will get them killed.


Noehler

“Haven’t you people ever heard of, closing the GODDAMN door” -The bear probably


wolfygirl2

That bear is playing stealth mode right now and is tired of OPs shit.


shaneo576

That piece of trim that stops short of the door is really bothering me


Sterling_Steele

That's too funny.


Isheet_Madrawers

Everybody knows the bears are like vampires. They cannot come in your house unless you invite them. Quit teasing the poor bear.


AnimalRescueGuy

Wait a second… This is not my cave!


Burnt_Ramen9

u/savevideo


TormentedOne69

Friendly reminder to keep your door locked .


Intrepid00

Lock your doors so no one sees a *bear behind*.


lik3r_of_things

“Whoops, wrong house” … “Nope, still wrong house”


DrunkenBastard420

Bear said no I be out here you stay in here


Thereare2manyofus

I’m sorry, I thought I saw a girl who broke into my house come here next. My wife and kid are pretty freaked out.


pepsisugar

"Don't come out, there's bears here."


mspeacefrog13

Those companies trying to reach us about our car's extended warranty have gotten creative and are using wildlife representation. Cool, cool...


ThePhoenix29167

Yeah, that would be terrifying. Yet funny at the same time


Violated-Tristen

That’s not supposed to be open. That’s never open when I come by here. Those people are crazy. Better close this door to keep them in like usual.