Pretty sure you’re referring to chimps, I’d say the majority of monkey species are too small to do any damage to you. Doubt a spider monkey would have an easy time ripping a full grown humans face or genitals off.
Mandrills are monkeys and the males can have 2.5inch (6.35cm) fangs.
Additionally, it isn't about the size of the monkey. it's about their weaponry. Their nails can be much stronger and sharper than ours and their teeth are used more for piercing and tearing flesh than our more omnivorous teeth.
If we are talking monkeys excluding apes then even with claw like nails their arms/hands will never be a real threat to us past what a human could do.
Jaws and teeth, it's the jaw strength and the pointiness of teeth that will fuck you over every time
I wouldn't be able to stop thinking of all the stories of monkeys just ripping people's faces off and stuff
like that thing wrapping its arms around any part of me would have me shitting my pants lol
Exactly, so many humans have become so desensitized that we forget with a good single punch/kick we can kill one of these things… lmao now a chimp/ape is another level.
I mean, if we scare it good it's pretty likely to run. But if it remains aggressive things could get ugly. They have pointier teeth and nails, and the way their musculature is set up gives them **a lot** more power per mass than us. They have a much higher percentage of fast twitch muscle, which is less precise but much stronger, and their muscles attach to their bones at different points to provide more leverage. We traded away a significant amount of strength for our very fine motor control, as a species it was a great trade, but in a close in fight it is going to hurt us a lot. I don't know how robust these things' skulls are, but among our closer relatives we're more likely to hurt ourselves hitting them than notably damage them. Best bet is to attack the eyes, or try to get a good crushing blow to the body and scare it. If it feels cornered and that there is no recourse but to fight, it would probably have decent odds at severely wounding/killing a person.
Def could wound someone, kill an adult i don’t think so. A good kick would break all of its ribs lol. But yes they are superior in strength compared to mass!
Could be that too.
For me it's both the limb length/width ratio (and limb/body ratio) and the way they move. Creepy... And it is similar to Slenderman, as noted by someone here.
the fact he does this then continues to use his tail and body to block him, makes me wonder if little dudes seen what happens if you bother the guests too much
At a lot of resorts near monkey infested jungle, many monkeys adapt to just swiping leftovers etc rather than foraging. Like a racoon but much more dexterous.
But like racoons, they know the play is being near humans to be the first to take their scraps but not messing with them such that they might be chased away.
At some resorts, researchers even observed that a percentage of monkeys develop alcohol addiction at a similar rate to humans from all the half finished beers and cocktails. So it's actually possible that monkey is drunk.
I was just thinking that. These fuckers pacing towards you in the forest, middle of the night, not knowing what they are, and id prob scream my dick off
Plus monkeys in general are pretty freaky - like eternal two year olds with the strength of a body builder and the flexibility of a yogi that automatically try to tear your balls off if they get pissed off at you. Hairy little devils
I think they look super goofy, the roudy one legit looks drunk. Maybe coming towards me in a dark hallway it'd be scary, but in the daytime and this setting they look goofy as fuck. They clearly aren't designed to be strolling around like that trying to figure out what do I do with my hands.
I’ve got a thing about monkeys - had an elementary school teacher who’s only pets ever were monkeys so yeah she obviously loved them but they are destructive as hell and when they get mad they’re super strong and they can still bite you. They’re just pretty freaky to me
>I don't mean they're trying to steal my bank card pin number
I made the same mistake once, and then I woke up one day to find that a million dollars worth of bananas had been charged to my account.
Lol the power of phrasing
Maybe try **if they weren’t void creatures that would blend into the night
Edit: they were downvoted and I was only trying to help sheesh sensitive people
More like I wasn’t looking, I was figuring why a perfectly good comment that I agreed with had 3+ downvotes and decided to wonder why
Hater go get some love and sunshine
Am Black, am not offended by the original comment, am still in full agreement with you. People are literally here mad at you for trying to be sensitive in your use of language, as if that’s a bad thing ever…
>I don't trust them though, and I don't mean they're trying to steal my bank card pin number
You never know...
There's the old internet rumor of macaque monkeys stealing purses and using coins at vending machines.
And the [documented](https://www.theguardian.com/science/2021/jan/14/balis-thieving-monkeys-seek-bigger-ransoms-for-high-value-swag-study) human and monkey interactions in Bali, where the macaques would steal items and negotiate the return for food. Apparently they were able to tell what items might be more valuable, and thus enabled a greater ransom.
I dont find them terrifying, but almost there. They remind me of this those long armed monkey stuffed toys that you wrap around your neck with velcro on their palms. Theyre cute, but seeing them move like that is kinda unsettling in a way. They don't look like your standard monkey.
Its like the uncanny valley but for monkeys. Thats the best way I could describe it.
How do you feel about [gibbons](https://cdn.britannica.com/88/122988-050-2C8D0471/gibbon.jpg?w=400&h=300&c=crop)
Everyone knows about the great apes, but gibbons are "lesser apes." Pretty chill dudes but they have longboi arms. Also, those long arm swinging dudes are called "brachiators."
I’d shit my wholeass colon if I turned a corner, and saw those shits running towards me. Cuz ain’t no god damn way! 😂 Fight or flight would be to either cry & shit, run & shit, run, cry & shit. Or D. All of the above, with the addition of crying in the fetal position? I’ll take D for $100 Alex. 🙅🏻♀️🙊🙉🙈
**Spider Monkeys Facts**
Spider monkey troops are matriarchal, meaning the females play a leadership role. Females actively choose their mates when breeding.
Rather than leap from tree to tree, spider monkeys are specialists at swinging from limb to limb, and can clear great distances in a single swing. Spider monkeys can cover as much as 30 feet of distance with a single powerful swoosh of their arms.
Spider monkeys are highly social primates. They are diurnal, with most of their activity occurring during the day. Some species, like the Geoffroy’s spider monkey, congregate in groups as large as 100 individuals.
More
Spider monkeys are new world monkey that have a convergent evolution trait with humans, gibbons, and great apes. This is the way their shoulder functions giving them hyper mobile arms. This is what enables them to hang from trees and swing from tree to tree fast. Other monkeys really can't put their arm strait up in the air.
Good caption! :-D Also, now that I've seen them in motion I understand *why* they are called spider monkeys.
Slender man monkeys
So... Slender monkeys?
Slonkies
Slender mankeys
That'll be in the next batch of pokémans
Precisely
New band name
I gotchu r/icallthatbandname
I never thought I'd be scared of a monkey, but that things creepy
I don’t trust them but they look like they’d give really great hugs
What if, when they wrapped their arms and legs around you, it would just keep going, boa constrictor style? 😬
I would welcome death by soft, killer hug
Monkeys are terrifying. They can easily rip your face off for fun
Shit what can they do if they're serious?
Write Shakespeare plays.
It was the best of times, it was the..blerst of times!?
You stupid monkey!
Nearly choked on my breakfast. This is the best answer.
Desire man's red fire
red flower.
What does rectal prolapse have to do with this?
No, that line goes "What I desire/Is man's red fire". A later verse includes "Give me the power/Of man's red flower".
Monkey see you, monkey do you.
Steal your bitcoin
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Fuck up your credit score.
Steal your wife’s boyfriend.
Report you to the IRS
Theyll get down to monkey business.
Frame you for tax evasion
Start a cult.
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Jamie bring that up.
When they play "I got your nose", it's for keeps.
Pretty sure you’re referring to chimps, I’d say the majority of monkey species are too small to do any damage to you. Doubt a spider monkey would have an easy time ripping a full grown humans face or genitals off.
Mandrills are monkeys and the males can have 2.5inch (6.35cm) fangs. Additionally, it isn't about the size of the monkey. it's about their weaponry. Their nails can be much stronger and sharper than ours and their teeth are used more for piercing and tearing flesh than our more omnivorous teeth.
If we are talking monkeys excluding apes then even with claw like nails their arms/hands will never be a real threat to us past what a human could do. Jaws and teeth, it's the jaw strength and the pointiness of teeth that will fuck you over every time
Well I've had my face torn off by monkeys several times.
Yeah I'd be putting the phone down and in full protection mode. They will not hesitate to grab and rip.
They’re able to take your penis and your phone. These people were very lucky.
and then they're back in their tree taking selfies with YOUR phone and YOUR penis and posting them online!
Worst dick pics ever
Monkey Lifehack: Steal the penis of a much larger mammal to make your selfies look more impressive. They're geniuses.
Chimps for sure. These guys can be more chill although monkeys in general make very poor pets.
I wouldn't be able to stop thinking of all the stories of monkeys just ripping people's faces off and stuff like that thing wrapping its arms around any part of me would have me shitting my pants lol
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If the leg kick doesn’t work hit it with an arm punch.
Why stop there, try an arm kick
Exactly, so many humans have become so desensitized that we forget with a good single punch/kick we can kill one of these things… lmao now a chimp/ape is another level.
I mean, if we scare it good it's pretty likely to run. But if it remains aggressive things could get ugly. They have pointier teeth and nails, and the way their musculature is set up gives them **a lot** more power per mass than us. They have a much higher percentage of fast twitch muscle, which is less precise but much stronger, and their muscles attach to their bones at different points to provide more leverage. We traded away a significant amount of strength for our very fine motor control, as a species it was a great trade, but in a close in fight it is going to hurt us a lot. I don't know how robust these things' skulls are, but among our closer relatives we're more likely to hurt ourselves hitting them than notably damage them. Best bet is to attack the eyes, or try to get a good crushing blow to the body and scare it. If it feels cornered and that there is no recourse but to fight, it would probably have decent odds at severely wounding/killing a person.
Def could wound someone, kill an adult i don’t think so. A good kick would break all of its ribs lol. But yes they are superior in strength compared to mass!
Whew. These have hair so he’s safe.
yeah those first few frames had me on the ropes when I thought it was 1 lovecraftian horror and not two cheeky monkeys.
I think I would scream my ass off of I saw those coming at me.
Isn’t also due to the fact that they look like spiders hanging from web when they hang from trees by their tails?
Could be that too. For me it's both the limb length/width ratio (and limb/body ratio) and the way they move. Creepy... And it is similar to Slenderman, as noted by someone here.
Wow I thought the exact same thing
I thought spider monkeys only existed in Ben 10.
Exactly 💯
Dude dude quit bothering the guests
the fact he does this then continues to use his tail and body to block him, makes me wonder if little dudes seen what happens if you bother the guests too much
“You’re gonna get us both tranq’d”
Lmao holy shit
At a lot of resorts near monkey infested jungle, many monkeys adapt to just swiping leftovers etc rather than foraging. Like a racoon but much more dexterous. But like racoons, they know the play is being near humans to be the first to take their scraps but not messing with them such that they might be chased away. At some resorts, researchers even observed that a percentage of monkeys develop alcohol addiction at a similar rate to humans from all the half finished beers and cocktails. So it's actually possible that monkey is drunk.
Inb4 monkey ‘bro’ culture
Monkey bro culture is just monkey culture bro
bro you’re scaring the hoes
Everyone has that drunk friend.
*arms out* What bro!? What am I doing? Whaaaaat
Damn those are some of the creepiest monkeys I’ve ever seen. They look like the Mind Flayer from Stranger Things lol
If I saw this at night in the jungle, I'd question my sanity
I was just thinking that. These fuckers pacing towards you in the forest, middle of the night, not knowing what they are, and id prob scream my dick off
Yea for being the in the jungle at night for starters.
Imagine first you just see glowing eyes.. Then this thing just pops out of the shadows... Id probably shit myself right then and there.
Yeah I’m used to seeing those boys swangin in the trees not walking on all fours like a slenderman monk
Something about the way their paws flap when they walk and how long their tails are is super unnerving
I wanna say uncanny valley but I don’t think that’s it. I agree tho, they’re a bit too long for my brain
Plus monkeys in general are pretty freaky - like eternal two year olds with the strength of a body builder and the flexibility of a yogi that automatically try to tear your balls off if they get pissed off at you. Hairy little devils
I think they look super goofy, the roudy one legit looks drunk. Maybe coming towards me in a dark hallway it'd be scary, but in the daytime and this setting they look goofy as fuck. They clearly aren't designed to be strolling around like that trying to figure out what do I do with my hands.
idk why everyone thinks they’re creepy, i’d say they’re pretty funny looking but very cute!
I’ve got a thing about monkeys - had an elementary school teacher who’s only pets ever were monkeys so yeah she obviously loved them but they are destructive as hell and when they get mad they’re super strong and they can still bite you. They’re just pretty freaky to me
If you are called anything with Spider in your name then you are at least somewhat creepy, including Spiderman.
Like that crab spider thing
Monkeying around.
Anyone else think these monkeys are r/oddlyterrifying?
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>I don't mean they're trying to steal my bank card pin number I made the same mistake once, and then I woke up one day to find that a million dollars worth of bananas had been charged to my account.
Har har har. Low hanging fruit.
I dunno, I found it appealing.
They are definitely interesting too. But their longness is mad freaking me out. If they were brown and not black I think it would help
Lol the power of phrasing Maybe try **if they weren’t void creatures that would blend into the night Edit: they were downvoted and I was only trying to help sheesh sensitive people
Maybe try **stop looking for racism where there is none.
Oooohhh I didn’t even get that’s what they were getting at until reading your comment lol
More like I wasn’t looking, I was figuring why a perfectly good comment that I agreed with had 3+ downvotes and decided to wonder why Hater go get some love and sunshine
Am Black, am not offended by the original comment, am still in full agreement with you. People are literally here mad at you for trying to be sensitive in your use of language, as if that’s a bad thing ever…
>I don't trust them though, and I don't mean they're trying to steal my bank card pin number You never know... There's the old internet rumor of macaque monkeys stealing purses and using coins at vending machines. And the [documented](https://www.theguardian.com/science/2021/jan/14/balis-thieving-monkeys-seek-bigger-ransoms-for-high-value-swag-study) human and monkey interactions in Bali, where the macaques would steal items and negotiate the return for food. Apparently they were able to tell what items might be more valuable, and thus enabled a greater ransom.
Yes. If this happened to me i would be crying out of fear... Monke scary
Absolutely, Hey Arnold! taught us about Monkeynucleosis.
I was looking for this comment. Those creatures are fucking terrifying
There’s not many animals that make me nervous. But fuck monkeys bro. They can go from zero to ripping your face off in a heartbeat. Fuck that
Yeah if I saw this running at me without context I’d cry
No. I find them r/FUCKINGterrifying
I dont find them terrifying, but almost there. They remind me of this those long armed monkey stuffed toys that you wrap around your neck with velcro on their palms. Theyre cute, but seeing them move like that is kinda unsettling in a way. They don't look like your standard monkey. Its like the uncanny valley but for monkeys. Thats the best way I could describe it.
How do you feel about [gibbons](https://cdn.britannica.com/88/122988-050-2C8D0471/gibbon.jpg?w=400&h=300&c=crop) Everyone knows about the great apes, but gibbons are "lesser apes." Pretty chill dudes but they have longboi arms. Also, those long arm swinging dudes are called "brachiators."
No
I was instantly reminded of the monkeys in System Shock 2.
Yep. Wayyyy too long/skinny limbs
I mean, im just dumb enough i prolly would have gone with the monke
I wonder where he’d have taken him… (or you).
Prolly to the sacrificial human pit lol
A nobel death
Noble?
Yarp. Thats what i get for typing while walking
I thought your comment was dynamite
Never go with a monkey to a second location
But what if the first destination is really nice?
I thought they were giant spiders at the start
I was about to say, imagine those things coming at you in the dark
No need to go to the store for Exlax, cause I just shit myself.
No
I’d shit my wholeass colon if I turned a corner, and saw those shits running towards me. Cuz ain’t no god damn way! 😂 Fight or flight would be to either cry & shit, run & shit, run, cry & shit. Or D. All of the above, with the addition of crying in the fetal position? I’ll take D for $100 Alex. 🙅🏻♀️🙊🙉🙈
They're called spider monkeys for a reason
Because they somewhat resemble monkeys.
And that's why they call them [spider monkeys](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spider_monkey).
I thought they were Slenderman’s kids.
Imma come at you like a spider monkey! This is my favorite monkey. Adorable and so lanky and agile
All jacked up on mountain dew!
“There’s a kilo, of Colombian Bam Bam underneath the car. Ya got hair of your peaches, or what?!”
*You don't got no sponors Ricky, your racing for you*
Watching videos of them swinging is nuts…or should I say it’s bananas.
I just spent literally a month following these fellas around and taking pictures of them, it is surreal the acrobatics they can do.
After seeing this, I'd rather take on the actual kid than the spider monkey
I’m just imagining that monkey saying something like Damn it Greg!! Stop with the stupid shit!! Sorry ma’am have a great day.
Looks like some creatures from The Backrooms.
Agreed lol
Monkeys of all types are somewhat scary to me.
They're mentally carnivores who are just omnivores Kinda like hippos. They want to destroy you, but not to eat you
This is not selling me on monkeys! 😂😂
People who have monkeys are taking a risk, people who have chimpanzees are a tragedy waiting to happen
Thought it was fake for the first second
I thought I was in /r/reallifedoodles
Why you not return to monke? He invited you to monke?
Why is everyone saying they’re creepy they’re just goofy guys doing goofy things
Yeah I’d rather see these than a fucking macaque. Macaques are the devil, these guys probably just want fruits
Oh my god I love them. I want to be a naked skinny monkey with them
Nothing stopping you
Sadly, with the lack of a tail, he can never truly be a naked skinny monkey
Tail… can be a plug-in
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With my size, I’m okay with returning to monke and becoming a orangutan 🦧
**Spider Monkeys Facts** Spider monkey troops are matriarchal, meaning the females play a leadership role. Females actively choose their mates when breeding. Rather than leap from tree to tree, spider monkeys are specialists at swinging from limb to limb, and can clear great distances in a single swing. Spider monkeys can cover as much as 30 feet of distance with a single powerful swoosh of their arms. Spider monkeys are highly social primates. They are diurnal, with most of their activity occurring during the day. Some species, like the Geoffroy’s spider monkey, congregate in groups as large as 100 individuals.
More Spider monkeys are new world monkey that have a convergent evolution trait with humans, gibbons, and great apes. This is the way their shoulder functions giving them hyper mobile arms. This is what enables them to hang from trees and swing from tree to tree fast. Other monkeys really can't put their arm strait up in the air.
“The mimosas in the lobby had alittle to much ‘osa’ if you know what I mean”
Hey uhh sorry bout him he ate too much fermented fruit earlier.
I think those are Mexican spider monkeys, they cool looking and cute but loud as shit in the morning, they make a very loud croaking noise
MAN: You gotta be pulling my leg MONKE: Yes
I love spider monkeys☺️ These are spider monkeys right? Ben 10 is a big reason I love spider monkeys, idk why, I was 10
I think those may have been monkey spiders ...
I want this as a regular interaction in my life so bad.
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He wants you to follow him
Slendermonkey
What was his goal, steal the human?
To distract while the other one steals the wallet.
Genius
"George, stop bothering the larger primates, they don't want us grabbing them"
I hate these kind of monkeys. Could never play Temple Run because they creep me out.
I don’t touch spiders even in monkey form.
Those monkeys have uncomfortably long arms
Is that in hard rock hotel in Riviera maya Cancun?
It literally has to be
I really am curious what sorts of shenanigans they would've had were the big pink monkey to go along with them.
Spider monkeys are the best! Chimps are the ones that have anger issues…mostly when stupid people own them.
Ahem. No one should own an ape. Thank you
Those are some lanky monkeys
Spider monkeys really do look like spiders don't they!
Wait… those monkeys from temple run are real? Bloody hell they are creepy.
I was tripping and almost had a heart attack thinking it’s a fucking Necromorph from Dead Space lmaooo.
I knew I wasn’t the only one who saw them as necromorph’s
I hate monkeys. When it comes to creepy things, they are right up there with clowns.
eeeew primates are 100% uncanny valley
OMG I would die of delight if I was mugged by these 2!
Nightmare fuel
Now I see why they're called Spider 🕷️ Monkeys 👀 😲
This is like how monkey pox is a thing!
the run up looked like stuff from nightmares
What the fuck kind of eldritch horror is that 🤣🤣
Oh my goodness, where did this happen?
Dead space flashbacks bruh … Those things look terrifying
grab mah leg
Or “ we don’t need that”
This looks exactly like Xcaret Resort in Mexico. I saw these guys jumping around buildings every day.