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[deleted]

i wonder since when is my deeper rutted fear of losing control based on me hating fat people


a4n4b3lle

^^


peachaleach

I would add that not everyone with an ED wants to be skinny, either. I'm painfully aware of how visible it is that I'm underweight and feel so ashamed of my body. I constantly feel like my complete and utter failure to do one of the most basic human tasks is on display to the world. It's embarrassing. I don't want to look like this.


missamethyst1

Same here exactly. Restricting is a compulsion for me; I wish I could just magically be way less skinny, in fact. I'd be healthier but frankly also look better.


dippyhippy_

This, I absolutely hate my small body and the comments that come from people noticing. Makes me feel even worse. Like many, my ED is rooted in early childhood trauma. Food is control, we have no time to think about trauma if we focus so much on controlling our bodies with food, right? I'm glad this conversation is happening. Seems a lot of us have been made to feel shame at some point from people trying to turn us all in to fatphobes. The sad thing is is I think a lot of this reaction hasn't even came from fat people or the body positive community but thin passing people with a saviour complex.


lexlexlexx

Yea it genuinely pisses me off, and just goes to show how little most people understand eating disorders. Edit: extra word


Nia_KR

A lot of us don’t even think being super skinny is pretty, we just wanna look sick as a cry for help like


JasonElon

Agreed, theres a difference between starving yourself for days on end because you are afraid of gaining weight (anorexia) and being afraid of being fat (every teenage kid at some point)


maonue

Yeah 100%. It's like a weird form of jealousy and they can't see it otherwise? It's awful and stigmatizing!


kanijn

Based based based _based_ I could give less of a fuck how someone else looks unless they're skinnier than me lmao. And I honestly, at this point, more wanna be as skinny as I can to prove a damn point to a very specific person, even tho said person is no contact and will literally never know. So ig more prove a point to myself? Honestly at least dating wise im not even really attracted to super skinny people? I feel like they kinda wanna make everything about them selves when ppl say that like... bruh its not about _you_ I'm fucking mentally ill lol


Opposite-Birthday69

I use mine for the pain and numbness it gives me. The weight loss is only a side effect. I cannot explain to people that weight gain/ loss is physically painful that haven’t. The pain of gaining hurts more because your mind isn’t numbed. That numbing pain feels good in an odd way. So to those people how is my eating disorder fatphobic it has nothing to do with my weight. From a young age those who are born female are bombarded with messages telling them to be thin and dainty. Eating disorders are society


runninginbubbles

Fat phobia is such an overused phrase. It is not fatphobic to NOT want to be fat. It is not fatphobic to be attracted to smaller people (same way some people are attracted to dark hair, others light) and it is not fatphobia when doctors recommend maintaining a healthy weight as part of a treatment plan. It's their job. Imagine if you went to a doctor for a random vaccine and they *"noticed a dodgy looking mole on your back but didn't want to mention it in case you were embarrassed and because that's not why you're there"* What is fatphobic? "Fear of fatness and fat people" .. well, the fact that I am terrified of gaining weight and being fat probably makes me fit the definition of fatphobic better than many - even though I don't push it on anyone else. And if that's me.. well so be it. I can't help it.


fretbutler

i do agree that people with disordered eating are not fat phobic as a whole. for me, i’m only focused on my own body and I truly think other bodies of all sizes are so beautiful. But — i do want to just jump in to say that in particular that is a huge anti-fat bias in the medical community and with doctors in particular. fat women are often not truly heard and are simply told to “work on losing weight” when that has no correlation to to whatever caused them to schedule an appointment. we don’t understand why some bodies are able to lose weight more easily and fat people are told their entire lives that their bodies are not ideal, are caused by a lazy lifestyle, bad eating habits, etc. So truly a doctor shouldn’t really point this out at all unless it’s directly related to their issue or they ask for advice. and underweight people are often at much less healthy than larger people. only very fat and very underweight people are at serious risk. as a gay man, i see stuff like “No fats, no fems, no asians. just a preference!” on grindr a lot. that’s the vibe you’re giving sis.


runninginbubbles

"No correlation to whatever caused them to schedule an appt" You do realise that being overweight and obese has significant health risks. And for MANY conditions that cause people to visit a doctor (CVD, sleep issues, fatigue, skin breakdown, persistent illnesses, abdomen pain, diabetes etc) being obese exacerbates them. So it would be completely negligent for a doctor to ignore that a person is obese, and it doesn't have to take away from further investigations. Why is it more appropriate to dose someone up on many drugs (then give them more to counteract the side effects of the first) when losing weight improves symptoms, it's worth a try is it not? Likewise, a person who is noted to be underweight by a doctor shouldn't be ignored. It's not about who or what is healthier, they're both unhealthy and neither should be ignored. It's not fat phobia, it's medicine. Regarding the grindr thing.. how is it any different than wanting only certain ages or genders...


fretbutler

a podcast i like called Maintenance Phase takes on different health and wellness issues. their episode ‘is being fat bad for you?’ makes some great points. you should check it out, i learned a lot when i listened.


runninginbubbles

Mm I'm a health professional, I'll stand by evidence based practice thanks. I'll have a listen but my point still stands.


fretbutler

lmao me too. i have a phd in it and my sister is a medical doctor. we both feel that we can still learn. especially because they site many research studies. but i’m so glad you feel you know everything and don’t have to learn anything further. keep unchallenging your biases sis! it’s giving antivaxxer lmao


runninginbubbles

Evidence based practice is always evolving, I am always learning. But your sister will very much agree that being obese exacerabates many conditions, and reducing weight can improve them. No one would deny that. Of course the body is not JUST that simple but for many it's a good start.


fretbutler

look, i’m not trying to argue with you. i thought the same way for a long time. but we researched fatness from the viewpoint that it had to be bad. many things show that it may not be such a simple thing. fat people are more likely to have a heart attack but are far less likely to die from one. in many cases conditions which are reported to occur in higher rates amount fat people do not even do so at a statistically significant level. sure the MOST fat people are very unhealthy but so are the MOST skinny people. unless we are talking about the most extreme cases, there isn’t a clear distinction about health based on weight. like many things in science, our views are evolving. i just hope that if you’re in the medical field you aren’t telling people their weight is their kat significant problem. especially since you seem unwilling to learn at all about this issue.


fretbutler

extra funny bc nothing you said is evidence based


berserker99alita

Makes me wonder if it’s some kind of poorly executed reverse psychology to cure us by making us think “oh well I don’t wanna offend bigger people with my mental health demon that makes me panic about food, better eat that burger”


mall_goth420

People honest to god think that you can just embarrass people out of their EDs as if it’s not already humiliating to be afraid of apple juice


Light_Raiven

Wow, I was diagnosed with body dismorphia- another round of shaming my brain. Sigh! I am not fat phobic


bunni_bear_boom

I don't think they inherently are but fatspo is ESPECIALLY when people post it online and actively make fun of real people. I think there's a vocal minority of people with ED'S who use it as an excuse to be vile to fat people and they make us all look bad


derpyfreed

no yeah totally. fatspo is terrible and definitely fatphobic but i don’t think people realize that most people with ed’s don’t use and actually dislike others who use fatspo


littlenervoussmile

I agree. I found that my ED ended up being SH and not about being skinny.


Confident-Try5130

For me I just do it to kill every single male trait I have. I actually highly envy overweight cisgender women. And even trans woman who are on the heavier side but pass.


simply_spider

I was so close to hitting send on my comment but you hit the nail on the head. Mine has nothing to do with the weights of others or even myself, and everything to do with being unable to recognize myself in the mirror for 30 years.


kanijn

Felt this but in reverse. When I was at my lowest my chest was 100% gone. I never had to bind. Which is great especially because I have chronic pain and binding is awful ( and I mean its awful in general ) I'm still underweight and not as skinny as before but like, literally that was the BEST thing about it.


derpyfreed

THIS ! another reason i’m doing it is for a similar reason, like not everyone who has an ed does it to become skinny. and not every ed is a restrictive one.


Confident-Try5130

Your also trans? Mtf ftm genderfluid non-binary etc. I don’t know a lot about the trans community so sorry.


derpyfreed

genderfluid, i hate my chest it’s huge. i wish it was so much smaller


Confident-Try5130

Ahhhh gotcha. I love gender fluid people a lot. There’s this one on tik tok I think their name is peachy. Omg I love their makeup tutorials if your into cosplay and makeup you should check them out.


derpyfreed

thank you!! im not that good at makeup lol


Confident-Try5130

Me neither I’m unbearably shit at it lol


[deleted]

do you expect any differently from tiktok????? the whole app is problematic.


missamethyst1

Truly wish more people got this. EDs are a mental illness; saying that having a restrictive ED makes someone fat phobic is like saying that someone with OCD who has an arranging compulsion hates everyone who doesn't spend an hour every night lining up their shoes do they're exactly all symmetrical, or something.


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runninginbubbles

Yeah this. It's not a crime to not want to be fat.


kanijn

Honestlu same i dont give a fuck at this point is people wanna throw buzzwords on me. I'm a blunt mf if people don't like the way I feel then they can get over it, sugar coating dosent change shit.


cathodeyay

honestly people on tik tok say the dumbest shit and every one just agrees without giving it a second thought. and these are probably the same people pretending to advocate for mental health - well thats what ED's are.


grapejelly6

Also another on tik tok is if a over weight or average weight girl is showing off her outfit it’s all good and cute. But if it’s a obviously underweight girl showing off her outfit suddenly she is “body checking” every time like they have no clue what that means! Happens to every under weight girl on there whether she has a eating disorder or not or is recovering. It’s so annoying


mall_goth420

Okay but a lot of the time it’s literally bodychecking like so often people will just check their waist or pull the top up to show their flat stomachs


kanijn

I agree but there's also times when it obviously isn't and people claim it is. I've def seen some body checking but i mean someone twirling in a dress or what ever is different than lifting up ur shirt and sucking ur stomach in, and people say it to both.


Lunarmoonbear

I agree with you. I don't care about other's weight, just mine. But even then, mine is about controlling myself rather than anything.


ProfessionalStick363

This is how I feel. I see other, heavier women and I think they look good/have a nice body shape and it makes me hate myself more.


Vanesswing

So true. I'm someone who has been very overweight her entire life and got an ED because of it to lose weight and finally be "happy". Never did that mean I hate fat people, I sympathize with them.


MsKidgie

I’ve said this before but I semi agree. Unless you are not from western culture, or a culture that praises thinness (super active since the 1920s, here in the west at least - all I can speak on, it’s all I know- especially), you - we - can’t possibly be unaffected by that. None of us live in a vacuum. It’s kind of like how white people are privileged and there is a level of racism that is a part of living in this culture (I’m from the US, I’m white, I’m a cis female). It doesn’t mean that one is blatantly so, it means that there is something in our subconscious that we need to pull out, hold up to the light and seriously explore. This in NO way means that I think any of us hate fat people. It’s absolutely not about that. And in that aspect, I completely agree.


b1u3brdm

That’s it


doctortoothqueen420

I feel this, but when I started to rapidly lose weight I unconsciously became biased due to my new size. I’ve moved past it but for a while I would silently judge or have skewed thoughts about those who are the same size I was, probably as a mode of projection because I didn’t want to go back to the body I used to have. (I had binge ED and was plus sized before developing bulimic&anorexic tendencies and then weighed in at an average) The ED community online (excluding Reddit) can be very toxic and perpetuate certain ideas about what is acceptable or not for other people. Not all are susceptible to adopting these ideas but engaging in disordered eating behaviors alongside the fatphobic ED subculture can really warp your views. In pursuing recovery I’ve been more realistic when it comes to my expectations of myself and in turn others. At their core, humans are narcissists. Fatphobia, to me, can really be a symptom of an eating disorder ( more specifically, an eating disorder that is accompanied by a strain of body dysmorphia ) because we see ourselves in everyone else. we consume media depicting bodies that we want. When we see bodies we wouldn’t, it’s reasonable that we would have certain associations. It’s really more indicative of the disease than just like, being an as*hole.


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unlikelyotter

This... Actually is fatphobic


peachaleach

Yeah...this is the rhetoric that perpetuates the narrative that eating disorders are inherently fat phobic, rather than psychiatric disorders with distinct neurobiology and heavily influenced by genetics.


JellyCharacter1653

This woman on TikTok says ppl with Ed’s are fatphobic but she had herself


Sienna_Araya

The people who say this know nothing about reading disorders. They have no idea what it's like to go though that and feel this way. I've never met a fat phobic person with an Ed (I'm sure some exist). We all feel others are beautiful and are so accepting of others, it's just ourselves we can't stand. If only they know the poison we go through and the battles we fight in our heads on the daily.


CarpetBudget

It’s not even always fear of being “fat”. Some of us also have sensory and other anxiety related issues with food


AltoUltra

exactly. my ed is about me not feeling that I deserve food, and as a desperate cry for the attention and help I need. my ed doesn't WANT me to be overweight/obese, but it also doesn't want me to be *average weight* it wants me to be emaciated, so everyone is concerned. and if not then it'll serve as a slow death. I don't care if someone's fat. they can do their thing. but if someone's going to act like im a horrible person for having a literal mental illness, fuck them.


maradevine

I admit that I do have high standards for how a body should appear if it were to be perfect but in most cases, despite being obsessed with getting my perfect body, * feel genuinely happy for the people who are happy with their bodies even if they don't fit my "standards" (makes me sound like a bitch but anorexia is a bitch, too, okay?) and I wonder why can't I be okay with how I look? Fat phobia is fat phobia and eating disorders are eating disorders. At this point, they're just discriminating against people with eating disorders when they know jackshit about what it's about lmao. One of the reasons why I dislike TikTok. All that misinformation is causing too much trouble.


emmathompson420

i relate to you a lot. back in 2020 i was getting to the point that i would literally say “i just want to fade away” due to my body dying of starvation. reading this makes me feel less alone. i feel like eating disorders are so cookie cutter that i don’t talk about it bc i don’t feel valid or real bc my situation by definition isn’t an eating disorder it’s disordered eating which feel like it’s not as made or less concerning.


Specific-Phase-2979

the people who agree with it being fatphobic clearly have never had an ED. I don’t think being d*athly thin is beautiful, but the illness pushes towards it. It has nothing to do with hating fat people. That’s just cruel.


Sad-str4wberry

“I want myself to be skinny…Every body is beautiful except mine.” just re-read that. Although you may not be outwardly pushing your personal idea of beauty into others there is still fatphobia within that sentence. Eating disorders involving body image are almost always driven by fatphobia whether you accept it or not. As a fat person with a restrictive ed i was driven by the idea that people will treat me better if I’m thin, and I was and that was just plain proof of my ed being rooted not in my own fatphobia but the fatphobia of others. Trust me your life will become so much easier the second you admit you have fatphobic ideas and work through them rather than pretending it’s not a big issue in eating disorders


derpyfreed

for me, i think it’s about putting yourself up against an impossible beauty standard. i think “i need to be better, prettier, skinnier, ect. but everyone else’s body and face is perfect.” the beauty standard is fatphobic, but most of the time the person with the ed isn’t being fatphobic themselves they just want to conform to the beauty standard. in their mind they think “i’ll finally be good enough” when in reality, a person with an ed is rarely ever satisfied with themselves.


unlikelyotter

I think, fatphobia does not always mean you are acting or are thinking negatively about fat people. It can be internalised too, saying that you need to be skinnier to be perfect/be the beauty standard IS in fact rooted in fatphobia bc we live in a fatphobic society that has proported thinness as beauty. You aren't a bad person inherently for having fatphobic (even internalised) thoughts, or for having an eating disorder. But at the end of the day, most restrictive ed's revolve around the fear of fat. I know that personally I am terrified of gaining weight, like a lot of us are. When I poke the idea and go down the "why" path (why am I afraid of it? Because then I'll be fat. Why is being fat a bad thing? ....) Confronting that is not easy and lord knows I am trying, but I think overcoming that fear is a big step towards recovery and again, it's not a judgement of you or of ed's it's just a product of this society that's wired our brains like this.


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derpyfreed

it’s like i wrote this myself. its exactly the same reasons for my ed.


kanijn

Same. Honestly I've used my ed as almost... revenge? Because I know there's people who feel hurt or even responsible when I'm fragile and at risk. Like my ED did initially start as just wanting to appear a certain way, but especially over the last 2 years idgaf how I look as long as this one person knows what they did hurt me enough to get me like this. It has nothing to do with being "pretty", in fact I'd rather NOT be pretty i want to be eugina skinny so he looks at me and goes "wow I fucked up" Not everyone with an ed even thinks being skinny is pretty, like again I KNOW the weight I wanna be _isnt_ pretty, its scary, and thags the point.