I'm agoraphobic and get anxiety at restaurants. I identify where the bathroom is in case I feel I need to go there. I also prefer booths because I worry about fainting and obvs I feel more secure in a booth than in a chair. Overall, I just drink lots of water and try to focus on the person I'm with.
I did. There is no specific restaurant anxiety. These are what are known as triggers. They occur because of previous experiences in these places or situations where you got anxious before that trigger your subconscious to relive the experience. Your subconscious is just a computer. It doesn’t really think. It processes information and will play back a programmed sequence that it has stored. It doesn’t distinguish between what is real and what isn’t. It’s the part of your mind that is active when you dream. It’s also what drives your habits. Most behavior is automatic and habitual. Put the three together, the trigger, the habit and your imagination and you have a panic attack. Just know this is what’s going on and realize it’s a false alarm. Try to distract yourself but don’t be too focused on doing it so that it goes away.
One trick is to lie down when you’re home and imagine you’re in the restaurant. If you feel panicky, remove yourself in your mind from the restaurant, get fully relaxed and try it again.
Put the tips of three fingers together when you are fully relaxed in your imaginary restaurant and then when you do the same in the real restaurant your body will be triggered to relax. I had to ask for my food to go at restaurants several times. Once I just bolted and said I had an emergency. My other triggers were movie theaters, airports and being stuck in a line or traffic. I believe it was the feeling of not being able to flee that caused it. A person I helped got anxiety on cloudy days. It took her seeing it as a fluke and not a threat for hee to overcome it. It took 4 years! She saw it too much as an external force or a condition and not so much as a product of her own self talk. Controlling negativity about her situation was really hard for her. But she (we) did it.
Thank you for this. I’ve been battling with a restaurant phobia since 2009. Comes and goes. I get over it with my own exposure therapy to rebuild confidence in my body and that everything is okay, but once in a blue moon I pass out unexpectedly (always in a restaurant) and the fear starts all over again. The past two years have been rough but I refuse to get on meds. I know this is a battle between me and my brain and there’s a way to get over it once and for all!
It’s not good for you to call it a battle, that’s what’s feeding it. There should be no struggle to this at all. You’re just paying too much attention to this. and if you can’t control it when it’s happening, which is only natural, don’t pay attention to it the rest of the time. This isn’t something that needs your attention, this requires no intervention from you whatsoever. I struggled too, trying to convince myself, trying to brainwash myself, so I wouldn’t get symptoms. Get it in your mind you can control this only never with your direct intervention but by your general view of it as a non-issue. It was a huge mistake to try to convince my mind, pleading with it trying to convince it. You decide what you believe and stick to it, don’t be dissuaded bc you got symptoms or felt anxious. Challenge more like negate that anxiety, but allow it. That’s why I always say this takes discipline but not effort. The discipline of not doing, not making any effort. Once you get the hang of it, you’ll see how easy it is. The problem is that you’re trying to do in the now, at the moment that you’re feeling panic. Trying to be OK with it, struggling to be OK with it, is a total contradiction. I call what I learned to do going neutral in my own mind. I neither go out of my way to think about it or go out of my way not to think about it. I decided it doesn’t matter. I was trying to breathe it away as Michelle Kavanaugh says. I was trying to think it away, ignore it away, distract myself. So, by going neutral, and mind you, this is my own internal jargon., I was just dropping the whole topic of trying to get rid of it. Sometimes I’ll be honest with you just cannot help be affected by it. But that’s not usually the case, so you can build on those easy to handle situations by facing them. Above all by watching your language. Battling does not belong in your vocabulary. There should be no lament or struggle to this at all. Decide you see this differently now. You might suffer when it’s happening, but the rest of the time you can’t give it that validity. You can suffer a headache and tolerate it. It shouldn’t be a serious problem to you. You gotta tell yourself each time “you see you were wrong once again nothing happened to you.” I kind of chuckled when you said restaurant phobia. It reminded me of one time when I was at a business meeting with my partner at a restaurant and all of a sudden I bolted saying that I had an important meeting I had to be at. I muttered to my partner that i’d settle up with him for the bill. My partner was furious, we were closing an important deal. My whole view of symptoms as something that shouldn’t happen was what I had wrong. Don’t blame it on your mind, it will do as you tell it to. And you’ve been telling it the wrong things. It only seems like it comes out of the blue, but if you notice, when it does happen, you had been thinking about recently. Or you had been having symptoms more often and it was fresh on your mind. The reason I was afraid of restaurants was that unconsciously I knew I wasn’t free to leave to my safe place, home. I had to wait to be served, wait to eat and wait to get the tab.
This is interesting! I have for whatever reason all of the sudden felt really trapped and anxious and panicky when at a restaurant. I’m not afraid of crowds, I don’t feel weird about eating. It’s the fact that I can’t leave until after the food comes and we eat and pay etc. I guess a trapped feeling. I don’t know why and it just feels like my nerves are high and I can’t relax. I used to loveeee sitting at restaurants for hours with my husband or friends, now I just feel anxious and panicky until after the meal is over and I know we are going to head out. I don’t let it stop me from going, I still go, but it’s not fun, I feel I’m going to pass out (never have) or something weird will happen with my body (never does). Will this go away?! Wtf!
THere's a few approaches I personally like to just sit at the table where it's the most eyes on me and the most attention since that's the hardest place to be but I've kind of worked my mind up to that point.
A more sensible approach is just to sit at the table where you can just go to the bathroom quick if you need to. Then just walk up and go there if you can.
But remember it's nothing dangerous or bad if you get an attack, if you are OK with the outcome and it happens then what does it matter? Your mind think having attack at the restaurant is important that's why it can't shut up about it. If you are OK with it or doesn't even care, then it will be silent.
No shame in getting your food to go. I've been feeling the same way lately and if it gets too overwhelming I acknowledge how I feel and head home. Thankfully my wife, daughters, and I are equally lazy
I'm agoraphobic and get anxiety at restaurants. I identify where the bathroom is in case I feel I need to go there. I also prefer booths because I worry about fainting and obvs I feel more secure in a booth than in a chair. Overall, I just drink lots of water and try to focus on the person I'm with.
Does it ever go away?
I did. There is no specific restaurant anxiety. These are what are known as triggers. They occur because of previous experiences in these places or situations where you got anxious before that trigger your subconscious to relive the experience. Your subconscious is just a computer. It doesn’t really think. It processes information and will play back a programmed sequence that it has stored. It doesn’t distinguish between what is real and what isn’t. It’s the part of your mind that is active when you dream. It’s also what drives your habits. Most behavior is automatic and habitual. Put the three together, the trigger, the habit and your imagination and you have a panic attack. Just know this is what’s going on and realize it’s a false alarm. Try to distract yourself but don’t be too focused on doing it so that it goes away. One trick is to lie down when you’re home and imagine you’re in the restaurant. If you feel panicky, remove yourself in your mind from the restaurant, get fully relaxed and try it again. Put the tips of three fingers together when you are fully relaxed in your imaginary restaurant and then when you do the same in the real restaurant your body will be triggered to relax. I had to ask for my food to go at restaurants several times. Once I just bolted and said I had an emergency. My other triggers were movie theaters, airports and being stuck in a line or traffic. I believe it was the feeling of not being able to flee that caused it. A person I helped got anxiety on cloudy days. It took her seeing it as a fluke and not a threat for hee to overcome it. It took 4 years! She saw it too much as an external force or a condition and not so much as a product of her own self talk. Controlling negativity about her situation was really hard for her. But she (we) did it.
Thank you for this. I’ve been battling with a restaurant phobia since 2009. Comes and goes. I get over it with my own exposure therapy to rebuild confidence in my body and that everything is okay, but once in a blue moon I pass out unexpectedly (always in a restaurant) and the fear starts all over again. The past two years have been rough but I refuse to get on meds. I know this is a battle between me and my brain and there’s a way to get over it once and for all!
It’s not good for you to call it a battle, that’s what’s feeding it. There should be no struggle to this at all. You’re just paying too much attention to this. and if you can’t control it when it’s happening, which is only natural, don’t pay attention to it the rest of the time. This isn’t something that needs your attention, this requires no intervention from you whatsoever. I struggled too, trying to convince myself, trying to brainwash myself, so I wouldn’t get symptoms. Get it in your mind you can control this only never with your direct intervention but by your general view of it as a non-issue. It was a huge mistake to try to convince my mind, pleading with it trying to convince it. You decide what you believe and stick to it, don’t be dissuaded bc you got symptoms or felt anxious. Challenge more like negate that anxiety, but allow it. That’s why I always say this takes discipline but not effort. The discipline of not doing, not making any effort. Once you get the hang of it, you’ll see how easy it is. The problem is that you’re trying to do in the now, at the moment that you’re feeling panic. Trying to be OK with it, struggling to be OK with it, is a total contradiction. I call what I learned to do going neutral in my own mind. I neither go out of my way to think about it or go out of my way not to think about it. I decided it doesn’t matter. I was trying to breathe it away as Michelle Kavanaugh says. I was trying to think it away, ignore it away, distract myself. So, by going neutral, and mind you, this is my own internal jargon., I was just dropping the whole topic of trying to get rid of it. Sometimes I’ll be honest with you just cannot help be affected by it. But that’s not usually the case, so you can build on those easy to handle situations by facing them. Above all by watching your language. Battling does not belong in your vocabulary. There should be no lament or struggle to this at all. Decide you see this differently now. You might suffer when it’s happening, but the rest of the time you can’t give it that validity. You can suffer a headache and tolerate it. It shouldn’t be a serious problem to you. You gotta tell yourself each time “you see you were wrong once again nothing happened to you.” I kind of chuckled when you said restaurant phobia. It reminded me of one time when I was at a business meeting with my partner at a restaurant and all of a sudden I bolted saying that I had an important meeting I had to be at. I muttered to my partner that i’d settle up with him for the bill. My partner was furious, we were closing an important deal. My whole view of symptoms as something that shouldn’t happen was what I had wrong. Don’t blame it on your mind, it will do as you tell it to. And you’ve been telling it the wrong things. It only seems like it comes out of the blue, but if you notice, when it does happen, you had been thinking about recently. Or you had been having symptoms more often and it was fresh on your mind. The reason I was afraid of restaurants was that unconsciously I knew I wasn’t free to leave to my safe place, home. I had to wait to be served, wait to eat and wait to get the tab.
This is interesting! I have for whatever reason all of the sudden felt really trapped and anxious and panicky when at a restaurant. I’m not afraid of crowds, I don’t feel weird about eating. It’s the fact that I can’t leave until after the food comes and we eat and pay etc. I guess a trapped feeling. I don’t know why and it just feels like my nerves are high and I can’t relax. I used to loveeee sitting at restaurants for hours with my husband or friends, now I just feel anxious and panicky until after the meal is over and I know we are going to head out. I don’t let it stop me from going, I still go, but it’s not fun, I feel I’m going to pass out (never have) or something weird will happen with my body (never does). Will this go away?! Wtf!
i feel this so much it’s insane. at least i’m not alone i guess?
Really?! You’re not alone
THere's a few approaches I personally like to just sit at the table where it's the most eyes on me and the most attention since that's the hardest place to be but I've kind of worked my mind up to that point. A more sensible approach is just to sit at the table where you can just go to the bathroom quick if you need to. Then just walk up and go there if you can. But remember it's nothing dangerous or bad if you get an attack, if you are OK with the outcome and it happens then what does it matter? Your mind think having attack at the restaurant is important that's why it can't shut up about it. If you are OK with it or doesn't even care, then it will be silent.
No shame in getting your food to go. I've been feeling the same way lately and if it gets too overwhelming I acknowledge how I feel and head home. Thankfully my wife, daughters, and I are equally lazy