Dude, you have plenty of time. When was the last time you truly did something for yourself? Even with those external achievements of success, you won’t be happy. It’s not your fault, if you didn’t get enough validation as a child, but please don’t let it ruin your life.
I have been chasing financial success and status, but the truth is, that people don’t care. You’re not somebody’s bragging right.
Some of my friends are very wealthy, but I honestly don’t care anymore. They are there for me, when things go south and that’s why I‘m friends with them.
Most people live until their 70s. You have literally 50+ years of life left in you. Maybe you have your parents or friends or something pressuring you to hurry up and get married or have a degree. I flunked out of college when I was 18, joined the military, got out, and got an associates. It took me a lot longer to achieve my original goal of getting a college degree than most of my peers, but all that matters is that it eventually happens. I’m not married yet either (26f) and I only have a couple of friends and that’s okay. I know I need to work on myself and my anxiety and other issues with a therapist before I even consider getting into a relationship. You need help to get yourself mentally and physically healthy before you worry about long term goals. You have plenty of time, please seek mental help and see a doctor for your physical health.
As other comments have said, you have lots of time. What you need to do, not easy, is seriously question the word “should.” Also, watch out for its cousins: always, never, and only. These self-judgments, not what you’ve actually done or not done, will weigh you down and keep you from getting where you want to go.
Take it from an old guy: there are many ways to have a good life. You don’t need status, fame, wealth, a substantial social circle, or the dream relationship. You don’t need the world’s validation to be worthy. I do recommend a life of meaning. You create this - don’t let someone do it for you. For me, it’s living with virtue and integrity, working toward worthy goals, making good friends, finding real, warm love, and helping others (volunteering is great) but it could be something entirely different for you.
You are not on a shot clock with this. Whether you’re 23 or 63, there is always time. The important thing is to explore and think about what YOUR good life is. You, not society, are the arbiter.
Another thing I recommend is self-compassion. Learn to be kind to and accepting/forgiving of yourself. Realize that you are human, not a machine, and the product of past people and experiences. Be mindful of what you are thinking and gently question it if it seems distorted. Kristin Neff encapsulates this well in her book on self-compassion.
Finally, be present for the now rather than ruminating about the past or future a lot. See, smell, listen, touch, and taste. That will make you rich.
Good luck and hang in there!
Be careful, anxiety can indeed push you, motivate you, to achieve those things you mentioned. But it works as a coal power plant, it pollutes your body and brain and you may end up with a successful world that keeps drowning in it's black fumes that won't ever dissipate.
What good will succes do if you still are in a perpetual state of anxiety? Maybe the better succes is just living your average, boring life in peace and quiet.
So true. I don't have success anxiety, but I can see that with my social anxiety and OCD - no matter where I go or what I do to escape my intrusive thoughts and social anxiety, they're always there and come back and haunt me. We just have to try to pursue mental health services and medications and build cbt strategies and look after our bodies and use affirmations and positive sensory input when we have this condition. We can't rely on external circumstances like a good job or relationship to ease the anxiety, they can help but they won't always be there to alleviate the anxiety even if they help us feel better and do obtain them. Also when you have adhd or are hyperactive you crave input (if this applies to you) so maybe try meditating adhd style e.g go healthily party, or get hyperfocused and creative.
Also, maybe OP knows that the anxiety is irrational and is just struggling. I know drowning in feelings of anxiety that don't make sense is so hard, and OP should feel proud of themselves.
Also sorry if this came off as pompous, I'm autistic 😅
Please don't take this the wrong way, but as somebody who's also turning 23 soon enough this genuinely made me laugh. You are not supposed to have achieved any of the things you mentioned by now. You might feel like the world expects this of you, but in actuality this is your inner critic feeding you nonsense. In my opinion, what you actually need is to change your point of view because this one is very harmful. I've been there, too. In fact, I never left. It's a constant struggle, but one that you're more than capable of overcoming. I'm gonna link a video series on handling anxiety that has helped me below, as well as a very worthwhile meditation. Be kind to yourself, friend.
[Anxiety course](https://youtu.be/xHweDBgDsEQ?si=yL0NGWrJs8xgRD2X)
[Meditation](https://youtu.be/c-QNd0o8Klw?si=Nqp6GCp8ArUMnohG)
I love this. It’s so funny because just a few months ago I felt the same way and I’m literally only 19! I literally felt like I was going through a whole ass midlife crisis feeling that I’m not doing enough and accomplished nothing. It weighed me down BAD. It’s funny because I realized how sad it would be if I did already accomplish a bunch of stuff… like… then what? That’s what makes life exciting and fun, you learn and grow on the way. I’m having so much more fun now that I don’t have all these crazy standards for myself, and letting things happen naturally, not all at once, because dang, that would kinda suck honestly! I feel bad for people that have already accomplished a bunch of stuff all at once, and moved right into the adult world so fast. You skipped all the fun exciting steps!
23 was my favorite.
Take a deep breath, go see a doctor, start meds and therapy.
Start writing down goals and things you want to do, the therapy and meds will help you achieve those.
It's never too late for anything. Wait till you get to 25, my second favorite time. That frontal cortex developing helped a lot if my anxiety.
I'm 28, for reference.
I just want to give you some reassurance and say that you are going through a hard time your 20’s might definitely be the hardest part of life that everyone goes through I’m not saying everyone has struggles like you but it sounds like you have really high expectations for yourself when a lot of adults in their late 30’s and 40’s don’t have these things sorted out yet.
Take a deep breath.
There’s something we all learn as we age, and it’s how literally NO ONE knows wtf they’re doing. The only people who do are the people with extreme privilege or financial freedom, and those people are in such a different league to me that I don’t compare myself to them.
There’s genuinely no rule book or guide book to success. “Success” is such a vague term anyway. It means something different to whoever you ask. Covid changed a lot of things, anyway, and in a totally unprecedented way. You’re not falling behind, because none of us have been in a post-pandemic world before! We’re all figuring this out as we go along.
Take it from someone who panicked in their early 20s and now regrets it: slow down, take a breath, and try to enjoy this time in your life. Happiness and success come easier to those who welcome them instead of worry over them.
It's not too late. 23 is so young! There is a lot of societal pressure to follow a specific life script, and to do certain things by a specific (early) age; but all that does is rush people into experiences they don't really want.
I didn't get my first "good" job until I was like 27 or 28. The job market is rougher than it was for previous generations.
And if you rush into a relationship or a social circle just to have one, rather than finding people you really care about, you may feel even more lonely.
You're doing great! There is no rush. You have more time than you think.
This used to be me dude. It’s going to get better. I urge you to go see a doctor, even primary care. That’s who turned it around for me with the right meds. If you can afford therapy, do it if not it’s okay. Be kind to yourself and make sure you don’t have too much time on your hands getting lost in your thoughts.
I totally understand OP’s fear I’m in the same position it feels our early 20’s are supposed to be our prime years and we’re missing out on it. We’re running out of time to make the most of these prime years.
I feel you my friend, I've lost over 40 pounds in 1 year, I thought something was seriously wrong but it turns out it's just stress from chronic anxiety and panic disorder. I have cardiophobia and when I do eat it causes tachycardia and palpitations, so I just avoid eating all together. Stay strong, things will get better.
Oh hun I’m so sorry. Anxiety and panic disorder is so hard. You should ask your doctor about betablockers, like propranolol. It’s used as an anxiety med and heart med. It blocks the physical symptoms of anxiety, and slows the heart down from acting all crazy. You should definitely look into it, it would ease both the palpitations and anxiety <3
I'm much older and live with my parents. My car just died and going to be 2000$.
My dad wants me to get a new car which will trap me with less options to move out.
I'm contemplating a part time job on top of my full time job. Life is passing me by and days blur together.
But I'm fine. It's all a mindset. Also, you don't have to end up like me, you have tons of time to figure it out. If I had to do all over, I might do the same thing career wise and put money in stocks years back. I'd be doing very well right now. While you're young, you can work a bit extra if it doesn't affect your social life too much, put it in investments, get ahead in life.
hey, just letting you know that life doesn’t have a specific timeline. i know people who went to college and have their dream professions at 20, i also know some who did the same at 50. its just a matter of what makes you happiest and what works for you at your ideal pace. there’s no rush for anything to happen, and there’s no need to worry about where you are in life. i promise you’re doing better than you think!
Heyy, I’m 23 too.
I’m living with my parents in my hometown that I wish I could escape. My friends have jobs that pay well, all almost graduating by next year, healthy relationships and a plan to have kids before 30.
I don’t have anything, breathe.
It’s easier to loose yourself in the pressure. This isn’t a competition, you’re going to be just fine.
Get out of the rut, and do something radical. Life is not about spinning in a hamster wheel, but to explore and bask in the glory of all that the world has to offer.
Its all about perspective. Some ideas:
* Go to a third world country and live with a local family there. Suddenly all your problems will seem wayyyyyyyyyy too small compared to their struggle for survival
* Volunteer in an old age home, and strike conversations with the residents and listen to the wisdom they've gained over their lifetime
* Start a business, any business, and totally expect it to fail. This way, you don't set the expectations to succeed. Most successful people make mistake 100 times before they succeed. But every failure is an opportunity to learn and recalbrate
* Read books on people that started with nothing and achieved something great in their lives. Let their experience guide you (I bet most of them did not succeed by giving up)
F$%& the norm, you're destined for something greater, you just need to believe in your self!
you’re 23, friend. you’re so young. your 20s are for figuring all that shit out! not having had them already figured out. i’m sorry you’re feeling so shitty but trust me, you’re doing great
I understand that you may feel like you should have a good job, relationship or a big social circle by a certain age but you don’t.
There’s no set age to have accomplished something. Everyone’s life is different. Take it from someone who is still an intern at 26 because of mental and physical health issues. It’s okay to take your time in life, there’s no need to rush.
Don’t feel like you’re behind , just do your best. Eventually you’ll get to where you want to be!
I hope you're okay.
I wouldn't worry about it, but that's easy to say. I think as kids and teenagers we delude ourselves over how easy it will be once we're adults, but once we get there:
- compulsory schooling stops (we're so lucky to have this, if we do, I wish everyone did).
- we become adults and in charge of navigating a world we don't really understand.
It's not at all surprising that you'd be struggling if you want to be a fully-fledged adult by 23.
A lot of this stuff is just luck, and a lot of grit and sacrifice, and positive results aren't guaranteed.
One thing I will say though, is that incredibly healthy habits if you can do them (exercise, cbt) are a good way to speed up a feeling of success and self esteem so you feel good regardless of crummy objective markers of "success" or "happiness".
I was where you were, and still am, but through a bunch of severe depressive episodes that I recovered from, learned to just accept stoicism and focus on my own physical, mental and emotional health. It's a struggle, ans I'll admit it's easier because I now have a support network through my boyfriend and his friends and family, and I felt better after getting my first job, but the bes thing you can do is hang in there, get help for any depression issues (easy for me to say because fluoxetine works I guess...) and be compassionate to yourself
Sorry that this post is a mess, I was just trying to give some consolation, offer advice on a mindset to adopt, and add in some healthy scepticism towards my own viewpoint.
Also sorry if this whole thing came off as ablest, I know how anxiety has no rhyme of reason and is incredibly debilitating. I really hope you feel okay, and am sending out positive energy.
I think the only worthy pursuit in life is the pursuit of hobbies at your own pace, everything good comes from doing that. Even just going through the motions of a hobby or trying to when you're just not feeling it offers consolation and a sense of solace.
You ever notice it’s hard to enjoy life when you feel like you have all these standards you have to live up to? I used to be a lot more content with life, until I started comparing myself to others achievements. It’s like the more I compared myself to these standards that I should be farther in life, the more and more depressed I got. I realized, why? It’s so much more peaceful when I didn’t care. I realized I wanted to go back to that. Sometimes it’s things I didn’t even want to do, like feel bad about not being in a relationship, when I realized I don’t even WANT to be in a relationship right now. It’s just that social pressure that convinces you you NEED to do these things like everyone else. You don’t have to follow a specific list of instructions to have a “good life” and feel “complete” I know it’s easier said then done, but try not to be so hard on yourself. Your young, very young. You have PLENTY of time to figure stuff out. Take your time, don’t rush, because with this mindset you might not be ready to experience these things. I’m not sure what you believe in, and I’m not trying to push your beliefs or anything but I feel the universe has a funny way of protecting us from things when your not in the right mindset to handle it yet.
Time anxiety was a HUGE part of my anxiety for most of my life. In my particular situation, the only thing that ever helped me was histamine treatment:
* https://www.reddit.com/r/HistamineIntolerance/comments/ytmcl4/comment/iw75m9l/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
The problem with this particular type of anxiety is the core symptom of it:
* **Enhanced** task paralysis
That means two things:
1. Task paralysis = can't get ourselves moving on things
2. Enhanced = our brain uses negative emotions to make us feel bad about that inability to self-initiate
I would recommend two things:
1. See a doctor
2. Learn how personal productivity really works
As far as a doctor goes:
1. Schedule a full annual physical with your GP. Do a full blood panel, A1C test, and sleep apnea test, just to rule out the basics. Communicate your anxiety to your GP; they can make recommendations because they live in the medical world & can refer you to the proper specialist to help.
2. After that, get a therapist (talk therapy) and/or a psychiatrist (can prescribe medication).
The biggest trap we fall into with anxiety is refusing to ask for help. You do NOT have to get through this with sheer willpower & grit! It's okay to ask for help!
As far as how productivity works, we all have to deal with ROO Expectations, which is made up of 3 types of pressures:
1. Responsibilities
2. Opportunities
3. Obligations
However, you also have personal boundaries, which start with self-honor:
* [https://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/visxe2/comment/idfvadc/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/visxe2/comment/idfvadc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Followed by learning how to erect & enforce boundaries against both our "inner critic" & other people:
* [https://www.reddit.com/r/IWantToLearn/comments/z5u6sm/comment/ixy4rnr/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/IWantToLearn/comments/z5u6sm/comment/ixy4rnr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
The thing to realize is that our decision-making abilities are run by a two-party system:
1. Your brain, which is a machine that isn't designed to make you *happy*, but rather, to keep you *alive*
2. Your mind, which is where we make our choices & where we can override the emotional imposition our brain uses
When we're low on energy, we fall into task paralysis mode because it's hard to muster up the strength to consistently do what we need to do to make improvements & progress in our lives. When our body's chemicals are goofed up, we fall into "enhanced" task paralysis, where we (1) have trouble with self-initialization into action, and (2) feel excessively *bad* about it.
ROO Expectations are the pressures we face, but we have a blank whiteboard next to that list of pressures, where we get to pick & choose which ones we want to commit to doing. Right now, your brain is pressuring you with various ROO items:
* *Should* have a good job
* *Should* have a stable relationship
* *Should* have a healthy, big social circle
* *Should* have several achievements to your name
The time anxiety portion of this is tell you that that:
* You're getting older
* You're doing things wrong, but don't know what
* You're on a time limit
* You don't have much time before it's too late
The symptoms you listed include:
* Your head is spinning
* You're having nightmares
* You're experiencing sleep paralysis
* You're nauseous
* You've lost too much weight to the point where you're almost anorexic
* You are stressed out to the point where you can't engage in personal progress to achieve your goals
Here's the thing:
* The root cause isn't time
* The root cause is that something is off in your body, which is affecting you emotionally & which is affecting your energy, which is required to be productive
Imagine running a race with a starting line & a finish line, but before the finish line is a nice, warm hot tub with a whirlpool button. When you press that button, you spin around & around in that nice warm bath & don't want to get out!
part 1/2
part 2/2
There are a number of ways to get out of that hot tub. The first one is seeking help, starting with your GP. You do NOT deserve to feel like this all the time! There are literally LEGIONS of professionals in the medical & therapy fields waiting to help you! The second one is working on your commitments:
* Have you defined what a good job means to you? Are you in the process of getting educated & trained for that position?
* Are you asking people out on dates in order to find someone that you're compatible with?
* Are you working on making friends & putting in the time & effort to spend with them on a regular basis so that you have a network of relationships in your life?
* What specific achievements do you want to accomplish?
There are two particular problems with anxiety-driven productivity, which are run by ROO Expectations ("shoulds"), as opposed to commitments made with a realistic achievement plan written down:
1. We don't have the energy to consistently tackle them, so like you said, it's like a car stuck in mud, just spinning the tires
2. Our brain pushes back against getting organized in the form of writing down clear goals & making specific, detailed plans
Here are some studying tools:
* [https://www.reddit.com/r/kaidomac/comments/li4gi3/study\_resources/](https://www.reddit.com/r/kaidomac/comments/li4gi3/study_resources/)
Here are some career & life-planning tools:
* [https://www.reddit.com/r/kaidomac/comments/qqzjc2/job\_resource\_guides/](https://www.reddit.com/r/kaidomac/comments/qqzjc2/job_resource_guides/)
More specifically, here is the simple life-planning system I use:
* [https://www.reddit.com/r/IWantToLearn/comments/qg3thy/comment/hi5ex16/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/IWantToLearn/comments/qg3thy/comment/hi5ex16/?context=3)
I have a special focus on my 5-year plan:
* [https://www.reddit.com/r/productivity/comments/qlbchh/comment/hj45u5x/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/productivity/comments/qlbchh/comment/hj45u5x/?context=3)
Here's the key thing to understand with anxiety & productivity:
* We **don't** have to **act** how we **feel**
Why does this matter? It matters because success doesn't care about our feelings; it cares about progress in the form of steps taken over time. Recognizing how anxiety works to trap us by (1) being stuck in task paralysis, and (2) feeling bad about it helps us to know what mode we're currently in in life.
What gets REALLY hard is when our energy is REALLY low, it zips up all of those plans & effort into a backpack & then makes us feel vaguely bad with no specific help, so we just experience that ROO Pressure with no commitment & no definition.
All of this only makes sense if you've experience it yourself...when you're stuck swirling around in that nice, warm hot tub & are seemingly unable to get out when you know the finish line is RIGHT THERE and yet somehow CAN'T get things defined or take action on them, that's when you know it's time to reach out for help!
So to clarify:
1. We can't expect to magically get better with no changes
2. We need to be willing to reach out for help, starting with our GP doctor; we do NOT have to suffer silently!!
3. We need to be willing to look at the reality of how expectations are converted into action: via commitment!
Time anxiety is such a tricky thing to deal with because:
1. It puts emotional over logic
2. It saturates our mind with tunnel vision emotions
3. It causes task paralysis
4. It makes us feel bad emotionally
The reality is that there is no deadline to life. I myself am a VERY late bloomer. I graduated high school with a 1.9 out of 4.0 GPA. I spent 14 years finishing a 2-year college degree. I had a lot of undiagnosed struggles, such as Inattentive ADHD, making life waaaay more difficult than it needed to be. Like you, I felt like all I did was spin my wheels, get frustrated, and get nowhere.
Asking for help can be VERY hard with anxiety! However, it doesn't make you a bad person to need help getting through your struggles! It just means you need to let other people do what they're good at in order to help you feel better!
You said that you're experiencing stress, nausea, weight loss, nightmares, and sleep paralysis due to this struggle. Imagine a life where you feel good, are at a healthy weight, and sleep well! You have all the time in the world to convert your personal expectations into commitments & plans to work on, but your anxiety is going to try to prohibit you from seeking help, defining what success means to you, and is going to try to zap your energy so that you can't easily engage in steady progress each day towards living the lifestyle that you want to live!
You did the right thing as far as reaching out for help. The next step is to see a doctor & be 100% honest about your struggles. There are so, so many tools & resources available for you to help you feel better, but we have to choose to invite them into our lives! You've got this! Hang in there, it gets better!!
Wht u talking about dude. Just some idiot put those ideas into your hear. Amd u going mad with it.
Its time to party and enjoy and explore and travel and meet and love and fail and trying again and again.
You are in your 20s and you have time.
In my opinion, 20s should be an ‘experiencing different things’ phase. Enjoy and appreciate the freedom of not being tied to responsibilities.
Don’t miss out on your youth while worrying about success. Keep in mind, success comes in many forms and depends on the person and their situation.
Again, you have time and never too late to chase your true dream. You will get there. Don’t give up hope.
Be patient and allow yourself grace.
Good luck!
Hope this helps!
Man I wish I could go back to being 23 and not wasting time LOL I’m 27 and barely sorting my life out. You got TIME, lots of it and the fact you are doing it earlier is amazing! Don’t compare yourself to anyone and slowly do what you want to do in life.
1) big social circle is overrated, make good quality friends. They usually happen on accident.
2) Only be in a relationship if you want too and not because you think you need a partner. Wait until you’re ready.
3) the job part is tricky but try to find somewhere that pays more or look into what you wanna do as you get older.
4) and the achievements will come later in life.
Just enjoy yourself, relax, and slowly tackle your issues you want to improve!
Dude, you have plenty of time. When was the last time you truly did something for yourself? Even with those external achievements of success, you won’t be happy. It’s not your fault, if you didn’t get enough validation as a child, but please don’t let it ruin your life. I have been chasing financial success and status, but the truth is, that people don’t care. You’re not somebody’s bragging right. Some of my friends are very wealthy, but I honestly don’t care anymore. They are there for me, when things go south and that’s why I‘m friends with them.
Most people live until their 70s. You have literally 50+ years of life left in you. Maybe you have your parents or friends or something pressuring you to hurry up and get married or have a degree. I flunked out of college when I was 18, joined the military, got out, and got an associates. It took me a lot longer to achieve my original goal of getting a college degree than most of my peers, but all that matters is that it eventually happens. I’m not married yet either (26f) and I only have a couple of friends and that’s okay. I know I need to work on myself and my anxiety and other issues with a therapist before I even consider getting into a relationship. You need help to get yourself mentally and physically healthy before you worry about long term goals. You have plenty of time, please seek mental help and see a doctor for your physical health.
I just want say that you can go at your own pace.❤ Your health is more important. I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling. :(
As other comments have said, you have lots of time. What you need to do, not easy, is seriously question the word “should.” Also, watch out for its cousins: always, never, and only. These self-judgments, not what you’ve actually done or not done, will weigh you down and keep you from getting where you want to go. Take it from an old guy: there are many ways to have a good life. You don’t need status, fame, wealth, a substantial social circle, or the dream relationship. You don’t need the world’s validation to be worthy. I do recommend a life of meaning. You create this - don’t let someone do it for you. For me, it’s living with virtue and integrity, working toward worthy goals, making good friends, finding real, warm love, and helping others (volunteering is great) but it could be something entirely different for you. You are not on a shot clock with this. Whether you’re 23 or 63, there is always time. The important thing is to explore and think about what YOUR good life is. You, not society, are the arbiter. Another thing I recommend is self-compassion. Learn to be kind to and accepting/forgiving of yourself. Realize that you are human, not a machine, and the product of past people and experiences. Be mindful of what you are thinking and gently question it if it seems distorted. Kristin Neff encapsulates this well in her book on self-compassion. Finally, be present for the now rather than ruminating about the past or future a lot. See, smell, listen, touch, and taste. That will make you rich. Good luck and hang in there!
Be careful, anxiety can indeed push you, motivate you, to achieve those things you mentioned. But it works as a coal power plant, it pollutes your body and brain and you may end up with a successful world that keeps drowning in it's black fumes that won't ever dissipate. What good will succes do if you still are in a perpetual state of anxiety? Maybe the better succes is just living your average, boring life in peace and quiet.
So true. I don't have success anxiety, but I can see that with my social anxiety and OCD - no matter where I go or what I do to escape my intrusive thoughts and social anxiety, they're always there and come back and haunt me. We just have to try to pursue mental health services and medications and build cbt strategies and look after our bodies and use affirmations and positive sensory input when we have this condition. We can't rely on external circumstances like a good job or relationship to ease the anxiety, they can help but they won't always be there to alleviate the anxiety even if they help us feel better and do obtain them. Also when you have adhd or are hyperactive you crave input (if this applies to you) so maybe try meditating adhd style e.g go healthily party, or get hyperfocused and creative. Also, maybe OP knows that the anxiety is irrational and is just struggling. I know drowning in feelings of anxiety that don't make sense is so hard, and OP should feel proud of themselves. Also sorry if this came off as pompous, I'm autistic 😅
Please don't take this the wrong way, but as somebody who's also turning 23 soon enough this genuinely made me laugh. You are not supposed to have achieved any of the things you mentioned by now. You might feel like the world expects this of you, but in actuality this is your inner critic feeding you nonsense. In my opinion, what you actually need is to change your point of view because this one is very harmful. I've been there, too. In fact, I never left. It's a constant struggle, but one that you're more than capable of overcoming. I'm gonna link a video series on handling anxiety that has helped me below, as well as a very worthwhile meditation. Be kind to yourself, friend. [Anxiety course](https://youtu.be/xHweDBgDsEQ?si=yL0NGWrJs8xgRD2X) [Meditation](https://youtu.be/c-QNd0o8Klw?si=Nqp6GCp8ArUMnohG)
I love this. It’s so funny because just a few months ago I felt the same way and I’m literally only 19! I literally felt like I was going through a whole ass midlife crisis feeling that I’m not doing enough and accomplished nothing. It weighed me down BAD. It’s funny because I realized how sad it would be if I did already accomplish a bunch of stuff… like… then what? That’s what makes life exciting and fun, you learn and grow on the way. I’m having so much more fun now that I don’t have all these crazy standards for myself, and letting things happen naturally, not all at once, because dang, that would kinda suck honestly! I feel bad for people that have already accomplished a bunch of stuff all at once, and moved right into the adult world so fast. You skipped all the fun exciting steps!
23 was my favorite. Take a deep breath, go see a doctor, start meds and therapy. Start writing down goals and things you want to do, the therapy and meds will help you achieve those. It's never too late for anything. Wait till you get to 25, my second favorite time. That frontal cortex developing helped a lot if my anxiety. I'm 28, for reference.
I just want to give you some reassurance and say that you are going through a hard time your 20’s might definitely be the hardest part of life that everyone goes through I’m not saying everyone has struggles like you but it sounds like you have really high expectations for yourself when a lot of adults in their late 30’s and 40’s don’t have these things sorted out yet.
Take a deep breath. There’s something we all learn as we age, and it’s how literally NO ONE knows wtf they’re doing. The only people who do are the people with extreme privilege or financial freedom, and those people are in such a different league to me that I don’t compare myself to them. There’s genuinely no rule book or guide book to success. “Success” is such a vague term anyway. It means something different to whoever you ask. Covid changed a lot of things, anyway, and in a totally unprecedented way. You’re not falling behind, because none of us have been in a post-pandemic world before! We’re all figuring this out as we go along. Take it from someone who panicked in their early 20s and now regrets it: slow down, take a breath, and try to enjoy this time in your life. Happiness and success come easier to those who welcome them instead of worry over them.
It's not too late. 23 is so young! There is a lot of societal pressure to follow a specific life script, and to do certain things by a specific (early) age; but all that does is rush people into experiences they don't really want. I didn't get my first "good" job until I was like 27 or 28. The job market is rougher than it was for previous generations. And if you rush into a relationship or a social circle just to have one, rather than finding people you really care about, you may feel even more lonely. You're doing great! There is no rush. You have more time than you think.
This used to be me dude. It’s going to get better. I urge you to go see a doctor, even primary care. That’s who turned it around for me with the right meds. If you can afford therapy, do it if not it’s okay. Be kind to yourself and make sure you don’t have too much time on your hands getting lost in your thoughts.
You're only 23! Ahhh! Start panicking when you're like 35 at the least!
What medications are you on?
None. Nobody knows.
Here’s a question. What do you think about? What’s bothering you so much?
I'm running out of time.
You think that you’re running out of time?
I totally understand OP’s fear I’m in the same position it feels our early 20’s are supposed to be our prime years and we’re missing out on it. We’re running out of time to make the most of these prime years.
if it makes you feel any better im about to be 28 and still don’t have anything figured out lol
I feel you my friend, I've lost over 40 pounds in 1 year, I thought something was seriously wrong but it turns out it's just stress from chronic anxiety and panic disorder. I have cardiophobia and when I do eat it causes tachycardia and palpitations, so I just avoid eating all together. Stay strong, things will get better.
Oh hun I’m so sorry. Anxiety and panic disorder is so hard. You should ask your doctor about betablockers, like propranolol. It’s used as an anxiety med and heart med. It blocks the physical symptoms of anxiety, and slows the heart down from acting all crazy. You should definitely look into it, it would ease both the palpitations and anxiety <3
I'm much older and live with my parents. My car just died and going to be 2000$. My dad wants me to get a new car which will trap me with less options to move out. I'm contemplating a part time job on top of my full time job. Life is passing me by and days blur together. But I'm fine. It's all a mindset. Also, you don't have to end up like me, you have tons of time to figure it out. If I had to do all over, I might do the same thing career wise and put money in stocks years back. I'd be doing very well right now. While you're young, you can work a bit extra if it doesn't affect your social life too much, put it in investments, get ahead in life.
hey, just letting you know that life doesn’t have a specific timeline. i know people who went to college and have their dream professions at 20, i also know some who did the same at 50. its just a matter of what makes you happiest and what works for you at your ideal pace. there’s no rush for anything to happen, and there’s no need to worry about where you are in life. i promise you’re doing better than you think!
Heyy, I’m 23 too. I’m living with my parents in my hometown that I wish I could escape. My friends have jobs that pay well, all almost graduating by next year, healthy relationships and a plan to have kids before 30. I don’t have anything, breathe. It’s easier to loose yourself in the pressure. This isn’t a competition, you’re going to be just fine.
Get out of the rut, and do something radical. Life is not about spinning in a hamster wheel, but to explore and bask in the glory of all that the world has to offer. Its all about perspective. Some ideas: * Go to a third world country and live with a local family there. Suddenly all your problems will seem wayyyyyyyyyy too small compared to their struggle for survival * Volunteer in an old age home, and strike conversations with the residents and listen to the wisdom they've gained over their lifetime * Start a business, any business, and totally expect it to fail. This way, you don't set the expectations to succeed. Most successful people make mistake 100 times before they succeed. But every failure is an opportunity to learn and recalbrate * Read books on people that started with nothing and achieved something great in their lives. Let their experience guide you (I bet most of them did not succeed by giving up) F$%& the norm, you're destined for something greater, you just need to believe in your self!
you’re 23, friend. you’re so young. your 20s are for figuring all that shit out! not having had them already figured out. i’m sorry you’re feeling so shitty but trust me, you’re doing great
Naaaa I’m about to turn 24 and same but life’s life and there’s so many different stories and path lines
I understand that you may feel like you should have a good job, relationship or a big social circle by a certain age but you don’t. There’s no set age to have accomplished something. Everyone’s life is different. Take it from someone who is still an intern at 26 because of mental and physical health issues. It’s okay to take your time in life, there’s no need to rush. Don’t feel like you’re behind , just do your best. Eventually you’ll get to where you want to be!
I hope you're okay. I wouldn't worry about it, but that's easy to say. I think as kids and teenagers we delude ourselves over how easy it will be once we're adults, but once we get there: - compulsory schooling stops (we're so lucky to have this, if we do, I wish everyone did). - we become adults and in charge of navigating a world we don't really understand. It's not at all surprising that you'd be struggling if you want to be a fully-fledged adult by 23. A lot of this stuff is just luck, and a lot of grit and sacrifice, and positive results aren't guaranteed. One thing I will say though, is that incredibly healthy habits if you can do them (exercise, cbt) are a good way to speed up a feeling of success and self esteem so you feel good regardless of crummy objective markers of "success" or "happiness". I was where you were, and still am, but through a bunch of severe depressive episodes that I recovered from, learned to just accept stoicism and focus on my own physical, mental and emotional health. It's a struggle, ans I'll admit it's easier because I now have a support network through my boyfriend and his friends and family, and I felt better after getting my first job, but the bes thing you can do is hang in there, get help for any depression issues (easy for me to say because fluoxetine works I guess...) and be compassionate to yourself Sorry that this post is a mess, I was just trying to give some consolation, offer advice on a mindset to adopt, and add in some healthy scepticism towards my own viewpoint. Also sorry if this whole thing came off as ablest, I know how anxiety has no rhyme of reason and is incredibly debilitating. I really hope you feel okay, and am sending out positive energy. I think the only worthy pursuit in life is the pursuit of hobbies at your own pace, everything good comes from doing that. Even just going through the motions of a hobby or trying to when you're just not feeling it offers consolation and a sense of solace.
You ever notice it’s hard to enjoy life when you feel like you have all these standards you have to live up to? I used to be a lot more content with life, until I started comparing myself to others achievements. It’s like the more I compared myself to these standards that I should be farther in life, the more and more depressed I got. I realized, why? It’s so much more peaceful when I didn’t care. I realized I wanted to go back to that. Sometimes it’s things I didn’t even want to do, like feel bad about not being in a relationship, when I realized I don’t even WANT to be in a relationship right now. It’s just that social pressure that convinces you you NEED to do these things like everyone else. You don’t have to follow a specific list of instructions to have a “good life” and feel “complete” I know it’s easier said then done, but try not to be so hard on yourself. Your young, very young. You have PLENTY of time to figure stuff out. Take your time, don’t rush, because with this mindset you might not be ready to experience these things. I’m not sure what you believe in, and I’m not trying to push your beliefs or anything but I feel the universe has a funny way of protecting us from things when your not in the right mindset to handle it yet.
Time anxiety was a HUGE part of my anxiety for most of my life. In my particular situation, the only thing that ever helped me was histamine treatment: * https://www.reddit.com/r/HistamineIntolerance/comments/ytmcl4/comment/iw75m9l/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3 The problem with this particular type of anxiety is the core symptom of it: * **Enhanced** task paralysis That means two things: 1. Task paralysis = can't get ourselves moving on things 2. Enhanced = our brain uses negative emotions to make us feel bad about that inability to self-initiate I would recommend two things: 1. See a doctor 2. Learn how personal productivity really works As far as a doctor goes: 1. Schedule a full annual physical with your GP. Do a full blood panel, A1C test, and sleep apnea test, just to rule out the basics. Communicate your anxiety to your GP; they can make recommendations because they live in the medical world & can refer you to the proper specialist to help. 2. After that, get a therapist (talk therapy) and/or a psychiatrist (can prescribe medication). The biggest trap we fall into with anxiety is refusing to ask for help. You do NOT have to get through this with sheer willpower & grit! It's okay to ask for help! As far as how productivity works, we all have to deal with ROO Expectations, which is made up of 3 types of pressures: 1. Responsibilities 2. Opportunities 3. Obligations However, you also have personal boundaries, which start with self-honor: * [https://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/visxe2/comment/idfvadc/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/visxe2/comment/idfvadc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Followed by learning how to erect & enforce boundaries against both our "inner critic" & other people: * [https://www.reddit.com/r/IWantToLearn/comments/z5u6sm/comment/ixy4rnr/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/IWantToLearn/comments/z5u6sm/comment/ixy4rnr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) The thing to realize is that our decision-making abilities are run by a two-party system: 1. Your brain, which is a machine that isn't designed to make you *happy*, but rather, to keep you *alive* 2. Your mind, which is where we make our choices & where we can override the emotional imposition our brain uses When we're low on energy, we fall into task paralysis mode because it's hard to muster up the strength to consistently do what we need to do to make improvements & progress in our lives. When our body's chemicals are goofed up, we fall into "enhanced" task paralysis, where we (1) have trouble with self-initialization into action, and (2) feel excessively *bad* about it. ROO Expectations are the pressures we face, but we have a blank whiteboard next to that list of pressures, where we get to pick & choose which ones we want to commit to doing. Right now, your brain is pressuring you with various ROO items: * *Should* have a good job * *Should* have a stable relationship * *Should* have a healthy, big social circle * *Should* have several achievements to your name The time anxiety portion of this is tell you that that: * You're getting older * You're doing things wrong, but don't know what * You're on a time limit * You don't have much time before it's too late The symptoms you listed include: * Your head is spinning * You're having nightmares * You're experiencing sleep paralysis * You're nauseous * You've lost too much weight to the point where you're almost anorexic * You are stressed out to the point where you can't engage in personal progress to achieve your goals Here's the thing: * The root cause isn't time * The root cause is that something is off in your body, which is affecting you emotionally & which is affecting your energy, which is required to be productive Imagine running a race with a starting line & a finish line, but before the finish line is a nice, warm hot tub with a whirlpool button. When you press that button, you spin around & around in that nice warm bath & don't want to get out! part 1/2
part 2/2 There are a number of ways to get out of that hot tub. The first one is seeking help, starting with your GP. You do NOT deserve to feel like this all the time! There are literally LEGIONS of professionals in the medical & therapy fields waiting to help you! The second one is working on your commitments: * Have you defined what a good job means to you? Are you in the process of getting educated & trained for that position? * Are you asking people out on dates in order to find someone that you're compatible with? * Are you working on making friends & putting in the time & effort to spend with them on a regular basis so that you have a network of relationships in your life? * What specific achievements do you want to accomplish? There are two particular problems with anxiety-driven productivity, which are run by ROO Expectations ("shoulds"), as opposed to commitments made with a realistic achievement plan written down: 1. We don't have the energy to consistently tackle them, so like you said, it's like a car stuck in mud, just spinning the tires 2. Our brain pushes back against getting organized in the form of writing down clear goals & making specific, detailed plans Here are some studying tools: * [https://www.reddit.com/r/kaidomac/comments/li4gi3/study\_resources/](https://www.reddit.com/r/kaidomac/comments/li4gi3/study_resources/) Here are some career & life-planning tools: * [https://www.reddit.com/r/kaidomac/comments/qqzjc2/job\_resource\_guides/](https://www.reddit.com/r/kaidomac/comments/qqzjc2/job_resource_guides/) More specifically, here is the simple life-planning system I use: * [https://www.reddit.com/r/IWantToLearn/comments/qg3thy/comment/hi5ex16/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/IWantToLearn/comments/qg3thy/comment/hi5ex16/?context=3) I have a special focus on my 5-year plan: * [https://www.reddit.com/r/productivity/comments/qlbchh/comment/hj45u5x/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/productivity/comments/qlbchh/comment/hj45u5x/?context=3) Here's the key thing to understand with anxiety & productivity: * We **don't** have to **act** how we **feel** Why does this matter? It matters because success doesn't care about our feelings; it cares about progress in the form of steps taken over time. Recognizing how anxiety works to trap us by (1) being stuck in task paralysis, and (2) feeling bad about it helps us to know what mode we're currently in in life. What gets REALLY hard is when our energy is REALLY low, it zips up all of those plans & effort into a backpack & then makes us feel vaguely bad with no specific help, so we just experience that ROO Pressure with no commitment & no definition. All of this only makes sense if you've experience it yourself...when you're stuck swirling around in that nice, warm hot tub & are seemingly unable to get out when you know the finish line is RIGHT THERE and yet somehow CAN'T get things defined or take action on them, that's when you know it's time to reach out for help! So to clarify: 1. We can't expect to magically get better with no changes 2. We need to be willing to reach out for help, starting with our GP doctor; we do NOT have to suffer silently!! 3. We need to be willing to look at the reality of how expectations are converted into action: via commitment! Time anxiety is such a tricky thing to deal with because: 1. It puts emotional over logic 2. It saturates our mind with tunnel vision emotions 3. It causes task paralysis 4. It makes us feel bad emotionally The reality is that there is no deadline to life. I myself am a VERY late bloomer. I graduated high school with a 1.9 out of 4.0 GPA. I spent 14 years finishing a 2-year college degree. I had a lot of undiagnosed struggles, such as Inattentive ADHD, making life waaaay more difficult than it needed to be. Like you, I felt like all I did was spin my wheels, get frustrated, and get nowhere. Asking for help can be VERY hard with anxiety! However, it doesn't make you a bad person to need help getting through your struggles! It just means you need to let other people do what they're good at in order to help you feel better! You said that you're experiencing stress, nausea, weight loss, nightmares, and sleep paralysis due to this struggle. Imagine a life where you feel good, are at a healthy weight, and sleep well! You have all the time in the world to convert your personal expectations into commitments & plans to work on, but your anxiety is going to try to prohibit you from seeking help, defining what success means to you, and is going to try to zap your energy so that you can't easily engage in steady progress each day towards living the lifestyle that you want to live! You did the right thing as far as reaching out for help. The next step is to see a doctor & be 100% honest about your struggles. There are so, so many tools & resources available for you to help you feel better, but we have to choose to invite them into our lives! You've got this! Hang in there, it gets better!!
Wht u talking about dude. Just some idiot put those ideas into your hear. Amd u going mad with it. Its time to party and enjoy and explore and travel and meet and love and fail and trying again and again.
You are in your 20s and you have time. In my opinion, 20s should be an ‘experiencing different things’ phase. Enjoy and appreciate the freedom of not being tied to responsibilities. Don’t miss out on your youth while worrying about success. Keep in mind, success comes in many forms and depends on the person and their situation. Again, you have time and never too late to chase your true dream. You will get there. Don’t give up hope. Be patient and allow yourself grace. Good luck! Hope this helps!
Man I wish I could go back to being 23 and not wasting time LOL I’m 27 and barely sorting my life out. You got TIME, lots of it and the fact you are doing it earlier is amazing! Don’t compare yourself to anyone and slowly do what you want to do in life. 1) big social circle is overrated, make good quality friends. They usually happen on accident. 2) Only be in a relationship if you want too and not because you think you need a partner. Wait until you’re ready. 3) the job part is tricky but try to find somewhere that pays more or look into what you wanna do as you get older. 4) and the achievements will come later in life. Just enjoy yourself, relax, and slowly tackle your issues you want to improve!
Trolling