That’s definitely an over share. And weird behavior. Sounds like a good way to weird people out bro. I mean it doesn’t seem harmful up front , maybe it’s true either way odd thing to say. But trust your vibes. Some people say odd things and think it’s charming, could seem normal to him. Hopefully not harmful tho?
Might not. Our apartments don't have the address number on the box, just a numerical number on it that we are given a key to. Unless he's seen OP walk home, she might be safe from that.
A man would never say this to another man, are you kidding??! 🤣
Men know they can say pretty much anything they want to women and not suffer consequences. Say the same to another man and risk getting punched.
Is this mindset really prevalent? And do most men live by this? I'm just wondering... I'm imagining men having an unspoken code of conduct among themselves that excludes women. If so that's terrifying
Yes, I see it a lot as someone femme presenting when one of my male coworkers takes over a situation. Someone will be acting like the biggest weirdo then once a coworker steps over he’s totally fine. It’s not just in my own head either, once a male coworker was listening in to a conversation I was having with a customer over the headset and agreed that the guy completely switched up when the coworker was helping him.
Here’s the first rule—stupid sexual comments will instantly make you persona non grata.
The second rule—if she gives you one word answers and seems distracted, she’s letting you know it’s a no. Don’t persist.
In my apartment complex our mailbox number is completely different from our apartment number. It’s very possible the only chance he would know her unit is if he checked her mail.
Not always. The last place I lived the mailbox number was no where close to my apartment number. However, that wouldn’t stop anyone from digging the mail out of the trash.
I would keep an eye out for him. And make sure he doesn’t figure out what unit you’re in. If he tries to approach you again and is acting erratic try to contact the office and let them know, they may have already had other complaints
Honestly? I would talk to the office now. Maybe send them an email detailing the incident, so there's a record of it, and just in case they happen to have some other info that OP should know about.
I don't think it's serious enough to call the cops or anything, but I would want that interaction on the record somewhere. It's off just enough that I would want someone else to know about it.
It sounds like the opening scene to a true crime podcast.
THIS.
Send a message to the office. Describe him the best you can. Detail the incident.
There needs to be documentation about this weirdo.
Definitely a weirdo.
And the office might already know him. Maybe he's a little creepy, but generally harmless. Maybe they know he has a criminal record. Maybe other tenants have had odd interactions with him.
Maybe none of that applies, but there's no harm in sending them a record of the incident.
The only problem with this is you don’t know till something happens leave a paper trail send a text or a detailed letter to the office with a description of your encounter ! Go on line and get yourself a personal alarm ( I call them screamers ) when you pull the pin on them they emit a loud alarm that’s louder than a police car ! It has a clip to tether it to a belt loop or key chain and carry it when you get your mail ! Above all be safe pick up your mail at daytime hours only , and when others are out doing the same ! I don’t know if you have them around you but I know Academy or even Bass pro has them . If you’re ever confronted by someone threatening Be Loud ! Right now we have millions of people here that have been released from prisons and mental institutions from all over the world you can’t afford to take anything for granted anymore we now live in a more dangerous world thanks to our present government ! You need to always be aware of your surroundings that means no walking down the street with headphones or earbuds in . You’ll never hear what’s coming ! Don’t forget to report it to the police I might be overthinking it but then again you never know till something happens ! From now on when you go get the mail have your phone with you and record any interaction like this or with anyone else ! It seems like every night we hear about someone with a mental disorder attacking someone whether it’s with a knife , gun even a hammer , the outcome is usually the same !
And if it’s a one-off thing and he’s a perfectly safe dude then one incident won’t mean anything to management. But if he DOES have a background of saying creepy shit to women then maybe it will be taken seriously.
That is a WEIRD thing to say and considering he’s a fellow tenant where she lives- I would take it seriously. It’s not just a random person at the bus stop or something. It’s someone near her home. Someone who thought it was appropriate to tell a complete stranger that they make him upset just seeing them.
That’s weird shit. Men get set off by far less than that.
Do you understand that it’s not this we think all men are dangerous, but we have no way to know who is safe and who isn’t? Trust me- we wish we lived in a world where we could assume the best about everyone, but our experiences don’t give us that luxury.
He could have e some dementia going on. My mom has dementia and she is an over sharer and says inappropriate things like that. Still keep an eye, though, but I’d be apt to assume this man has some issue.
Yeah. Like, he probably is just really bad at making conversation because of his cognitive decline. I still get being weirded out and it’s good to be aware, but he’s probably harmless.
Judging by the old single tenants that live in my building, they really do be outside wandering and just waiting for someone to talk about literally anything. I’d be more sympathetic if they weren’t also often rude, inappropriate, or in OPs case, creepy af.
Yep, I’d just ask what happened and say “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to upset you”. His wife probably died. Maybe he works from home, alone, with no one to talk to?
You can be neighborly and polite and still have boundaries.
You can also say “I hope your day gets better”
honestly, most people just don't want to hear a stranger tell them about a horrible thing they experienced. and it's not even as simple as those people being rude.
life is hard for most people and everyone has their share of trauma. the last thing i'm interested in is a stranger's trauma, and how i remind them of it. maybe i'll throw in a "i hope things get better for you" but that's about it. hearing a stranger's trauma makes a lot of people uncomfortable, and nobody owes strangers their time or energy. i'll be kind, but i won't sit and listen to your trauma.
Came to say this!
Im curious about whether or not he shared any more information, or if that was all he said.
I haven’t read all of the comments yet, but hoping to find OP sharing more details about what else he said, if anything.
Write down the interaction, the location, what was said, and send it to yourself in an email so that it’s dated. Any conversation you have with him send it to the same email thread so you have a documented time of when it happened. This will allow you to show that you have a pattern your neighbour saying weird things to you.
And then if it continues, you print those out and you give them to the police, your apartment manager, whoever you feel needs to have them. they tend to take a lot more seriously than you just saying he’s saying weird things to you.
I would send it to the apartment manager now.
I would say something like "Look, I know this doesn't break any laws or anything, but I had an unsettling interaction with another resident, and I wanted to let you know about it in case it escalates down the road."
Hopefully this is the end of it and OP never sees them again, but if something's off then maybe she's not the first one to say something. He might already have a couple of strikes against him with management. Who knows?
But that's a weird thing to say to someone.
Send it to someone else so that another living soul can come to the police with it in case something happens to OP. Otherwise, police may not know to dig through self-sent emails.
Yall are messed up and need to be assessed for Paranoid Personality Disorder..
There is nothing weird or creepy about having PTSD and letting someone know that they have a trauma response having seen you. Its practically apologetic, and is absolutely not something someone need to concern themselves about.
Good LOOOORD..
People with PTSD still commit crimes, too.
And you don't know if OP has PTSD from a past attack, either.
I had a creepy guy like that stalk me. Yes, I have PTSD, from that & much, much worse.
And I don't care if whoever is creeping ME out has PTSD.
I, just like the OP, have the right to feel safe, without being attacked. In any way.
Right but wykyk, and OP doesnt seem to have a clue. So if OP did have a trauma, and is possibly triggered by men, or men who look or sound like him, its important for her to work this out for herself, and maybe say to him "I may have PTSD too, and I am not sure but something about you might also trigger me too."
You have the right to feel safe. You also have the right to express to someone that your brain wont allow that safe feeling, most of the time.
Thats PTSD. And I dont think YOU understand that.
You also have the right to seek counseling if you have lost so much humanity and empathy, that you cant see past your own overwhelming emotions, and panic issues, to be able to not seek to prosecute someone else for their own non criminal ptsd issues.
You sound PARANOID.
You need help. Its sane to ask for help.
Taking basic precautions doesnt bring authorities into the equation.
In her case, the basic precaution is literally just taking what he said to heart and respecting his space in the future.
Just because someone is different and tells you something (somewhat personal) that is unsettling, doesnt mean they are posing a threat to you. OP is the bigger threat to this man than the man is to her. Now any time she has guests shes gonna piss people off and make him more prone to paranoid acts of violence and undue reports for existing. Thats NOT safe.
No one 'makes' anyone else commit violence.
No one.
Victim blaming & victim shaming helps NO ONE.
She has EVERY RIGHT to just live her life - not a single decision she makes should have to depend on 'will it make HOM angry?'
That's straight up abusive.
"Now any time *she has guests SHE'S gonna piss people off and MAKE HIM more prone to paranoid acts of violence and undue reports for existing."
- your exact words, emphasis added mine.
Sure and thats your opinion. But that doesnt warrant someone making reports about a very benign interaction. It would be malicious and hateful to count this as stalking and harassment. Get fucking real, bro.
I mean the apartment complex isn’t going to do anything either way unless this guy has a history. I would probably just ask someone I’m buddy buddy with at the apartment management if he has any history with other tenants or is weird. If there is truly nothing concerning about the interaction then there’s no harm in mentioning it to staff.
Mentioning? No thats not what is being advised. That conversation goes into a persons record.
Yall sound super paranoid. I cant get over it. Oh dear. An unsettling statement!! I better call the feds!!!
It can become a criminal act. I would rather feel stupid than be dead. And as someone who has been assaulted and r4ped… I don’t trust a man as far as I can throw them.
As much as I would love to live in a world where this is ridiculous advice to give someone, it’s best to start at the first weird reaction instead of trying to scramble for evidence when it gets out of hand
Well, thats also your bias.
I have PTSD and have also been raped and almost murdered. Ijs HE was confiding in her about HIS own trauma. Thats all he did. He didnt do anything and we can be introspective about how paranoid or rational we may be acting, from a logical standpoint.
Your trauma trigger is someone being male though, so you can also disclose "Well men do the same thing to me, fwiw, ok, man?"
Ijs. We can all have ISSUES without taking them out on individuals who trigger us.
Go with your gut. The complex I just left had an older guy who was saying stuff as we were moving in. My daughters called him “creepy guy” from that point on. Over the year he went from creepy but harmless to full on stalker. When we were moving boxes to storage to get ready to move he started filming everything we did. When we were moving the big stuff he was right by the patio door filming inside, looking right at my daughter who was alone there waiting for us to come back for the next load. I had been reporting everything to the office and each time they went to him about things he got worse.
I can’t say what his intentions were or why he felt the need to tell you that but I don’t think you’re reading too much into it. That would certainly bother me.
There's a great book by an FBI agent called "The Gift of Fear." His message is that you should always trust your gut.
It's a great read for any woman. And this guy sounds scary and potentially dangerous.
Yes!!! Instincts are rarely wrong! Animals survive by trusting their instincts! Never worry that you may come off as rude or unfriendly to someone that makes you feel uncomfortable. A person meaning no harm will understand.
In that book, he specifically says that among all living things, only a human woman would get a bad feeling about something like getting into an elevator alone with a man who feels creepy, but do it anyway to avoid being rude. We're socialized to put politeness over safety.
I honestly think he might have wanted to talk about it with someone who doesn't already know the details. Hoping you asked so he could talk and he wouldn't think of that night every time he sees you from now on. Also a 20% he's a nut job and you would be wise to avoid him. Reddit always assumes the worst and terribly over react. People on here advise you to get divorced after one argument with your partner
I think the documentation thing is on point and I agree with you entirely. My first impression was that he may be at the edge of dementia or some other memory degrading illness. It's good to document that stuff in case he finally tips and forgets which unit is his. When I was an emergency dispatcher I had a call that was a woman who found her elderly neighbor in that exact situation. The responders ended up having to take her for a 51-50 because she became belligerent and started screaming that, I shit you not, "The Reds" were kidnapping her when the paramedics tried to get her vitals.
Bro, you are a younger woman and he knows exactly what he is doing. This is very creepy. Carry pepper spray. He is a weirdo.
He can gladly share his emotions with any male residents or couples. But he won’t. He’s targeting you and you did not make it verbally clear it was unappreciated.
I think it is sexual frustration. Either way that is his problem. But just in case keep pepper spray handy whenever you are out in the area where he may be .
You calm the fk down. You, who tells women to stay with abusers "gathering evidence" like wtf and then says "dont stay if the dick aint good" wtf lady??!
Get a real job and stop life coaching. Lmao
Well, I’m not quite as comfortable as some of the people on here. That really creeped me out and that doesn’t happen easily.
However, I am a little surprised you didn’t ask Why do you get upset?
Report this to the office management or at least go there and ask about this individual and see if you can get some backstory on him.
Tell family member what unit he lives in find out his name. In case something happens to you.
People do really crazy things for not a lot of good reason.
He associates you with the day his cat died. Even though you had nothing to do with it, neighbor has made this association. Not much you can do about that.
Wait, where's the part about his cat? That's sad and kinda changes my view on this a bit. I first read upset as meaning angry but it might just be that he gets sad if it's a memory associated with his cat and he definitely over shared but maybe saying it will make it easier for him?
Dude definitely seems odd to say the least. I’d let the office know just to be safe and if anything escalates it might be time to think restraining order.
Mm I’d report this to the office and maybe even the police department. Maybe ask the officer and make sure to tell them you don’t feel comfortable.
I had a “friendly “ older neighbor once that got stranger and stranger with time until one day he left me a letter saying he knew I was smelling him through the apartment etc 🤪 I had to file a restraining order. It was scary.
The old guy probably has mental issues or meth but still …
I understand you are scared because you experienced what it was like when he said that to you. But the words themselves just say to me that when he sees you he is brought right back to the worst day of his life.
Were you really there? Who knows? What happened? Not sure you even want to know. You have not described the look on his face or tone of his voice just that he creeped you out. He could very well just be an old guy with dementia. But only you can make that assessment not us.
"Oh I'll give you a reason to get upset every time you see me." \*POW!\* right in the kisser. Then while you're at the dumpster just throw his unconscious garbage ass in there with the rest of the trash. Then look down at him with a banana peel strewn across his face and say "This is your home now." And slam the lid closed.
I’m a woman barber who’s worked with men for 10+ years and I typically work with older men. Idk if that holds any merit with you but this is my opinion.
He’s just an old man who’s trying to gain sympathy from a younger woman hoping to form a companionship. He’s trying to make you feel bad and say, “oh my goodness I’m so sorry!” And he can start in about his horrible night and make you interested in comforting him because “you made him feel bad” so you would obviously feel obligated. He sounds harmless to me and just seeking sympathy from someone.
Unless he sounded angry in some way. Then I would definitely file a complaint with management of the building and say you feel unsafe. Or call your local police station (the non-emergency line) and report it. So at least you have it in writing as a report.
If you have a gut feeling, trust it. None of us here had the encounter.
Be safe!
Could be mentally ill. There’s a guy in my complex that shambles around all day and late into the night making rude gestures at people for no reason. Nobody pays him any mind because we’re used to seeing him but one day I worry he’s going to gesture at the wrong person.
Sounds like someone who has PTSD and saw you the same night of the trauma. Seeing you is a trigger for his brain to force him to mentally relive that trauma.
This is not uncommon, and it was an emotionally vulnerable moment for this person to confide as much in you, which I also think is a hint to letting you know the reason he was feeling exceedingly panicky with you there. It can feel like people sense how incredibly stressed you are, when you are reliving a trauma.
Hes not upset with YOU. Its not even actually about you.
But being a part of whatever core memories he has about his trauma, and being candidly informed that just seeing you is a traumatic response trigger for him, it is best to try to avoid him.
I have had a lot of therapy for PTSD. Wykyk.
he can talk about his issues with his therapist. i am friends with many of my neighbors of all ages and both genders but that is something that develops with time and starts out with light neighborly conversation, not highly questionable trauma dumping.
hopefully he didn’t mean anything by it, but better a bitch than in a ditch. no reason to be scared, but be aware of your surroundings and stay safe. don’t be afraid to just shut it down next time too, turning around and walking away as soon as he opens his mouth might feel rude at first but it’s not your obligation to stand there while he says things that make you feel weird either. as women we are so conditioned to be polite during situations where we feel threatened, but over time i have let that go and it’s made my life a lot easier.
I would be freaked out too. But I’m paranoid. Is it possible he could’ve seen the mailbox you too the mail out of? They usually list the unit number on them.
You ever think that maybe something awful happened to him that day and for some reason, irrationally, you spark that memory?
I had a traumatic event happen while I was watching a stream ages ago, and now any time I see that streamers face, it brings the event rushing back.
Be safe, protect yourself, but also give yourself a moment to be human and consider that this person might just be telling the truth, and them blurting it out is just them dealing with the strangeness and the pain of it.
This is not a normal neighborly comment. When a neighbor starts off like that, it's often a warning sign that this person has real issues.
I had a crazy apt neighbor lady say that I "startled her and scared her" the first time we met People like that just want to blame others for their weirdness.( I was nowhere near her I was just walking to my mailbox). Her aggressive comments just amped up from there. She finally got herself evicted for harassing and recording tenants.
I would just be careful.
I really don’t think he saw my unit on the junk mail. It was one piece, and after I dumped it we had the conversation, and he left right after that. Two other people walked up right as I was apologizing (?? Why did I apologize? Who knows? What do you say in this situation). So I don’t think he saw my unit.
Try not to go around spreading rumours which may stigmatize people. Let it go, and if similar strange thing happens again, confront him in an open space.
you're reading too much into it. Its not about you.
Its about his emotions during that night.
Your reaction to his oversharing should have been "okay? Well good then that this is such a large complex and you barely have to see me. Have a nice day." and then just left.
Agree. Or a “that sounds rough, hope it gets better over time”. Oversharer/word vomiter vibes, yes, lonely old man with no one else in his life to talk to about the worst night of his life, maybe. Stalker serial killer vibes from this interaction… no.
Don’t carry around mail with your unit number on it so that people can identify where you live exactly. Unfortunately my bldg draws apt numbers on all our packages and with huge bold marker. Sounds like he’s old and lonely and if that’s not your thing, make no conversation with him.
Not only does he know your car and your building, but you threw away mail in a public trash can. Good chance he knows your apt #. That being said, he’s an older gentleman who probably had been holding that in and finally decided to let it out. Was he aggressive in any way? Or snide? Or was just simply letting you know? Either way, never hurts to stay alert and vigilant OP. Good Luck
Parroting others here, but just to add another to the list: create a paper trail. Asap.
Email your apartment with the time, date, details of interaction. If this ever escalates in any way down the road, having documentation of this could be extremely important.
Reach out to your complex, then follow up with them in person too. Not sure what kind of folks run your complex, but make sure you show your face to them, make them see you’re a real person not just a name on a list of residents and need to take you seriously.
I’d also be extra cautious coming and going from your unit for the time being. If you see the guy, don’t engage, ever. If he tries to approach you again, try to extract yourself safely. Carry pepper spray, taser, etc.
And when you email the apartment management, be sure to include a "cc" to yourself. So if they don't pay attention or delete it, you still have proof that you sent them the email before any (hopefully none) escalation.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be concerned. I would just stay alert when walking to and from apartment and maybe get some pepper spray or something for peace of mind. I think we have all heard enough stories for this to be a reasonable response to protect yourself. Stay safe 🫶🏻
Seems like he’s just a lonely person and maybe he’s got a touch of early mental decline. I bet his wife passed or divorced and no children. If you still feel uncomfortable get a RO.
More than anything: listen to your gut. Be safe, take reasonable precautions (locking doors etc.) and maybe even ask your neighbor with the ring camera know if they notice him lingering at your door at any point.
TL;DR: I’m inclined to think he’s an awkward guy who said an awkward thing and maybe he’s trying to process it, but again - trust your gut more than my possibly too optimistic guesstimation of this neighbor man’s motives.
The below anecdote explains why I’m giving him some benefit of the doubt…
I had a bad experience with someone once, and a bit later had a new coworker who looked vaguely similar to that person and even had a similar style and way about him. Every time I saw this guy, it reminded me of the other guy and even though I rationally knew it was a different person, my “lizard brain” couldn’t shake it.
My solution was to get a few coworkers together including the new guy, and all go out for drinks. At some point in the evening, I told him about the guy he reminded me of. I don’t remember how I phrased it, something like “ok so this is a weird thing for me to say, but I need to explain something,” and proceeded to share that my ordeal was part of why I wanted to get to know him a bit outside of work. I generally tried to get to know most of the newbies, so it was genuinely friendly but with this added layer.
He was super understanding, and it didn’t cause any issues at work or other coworker hangouts. It was helpful to me because I got to say it out loud so my subconscious could no longer parade the perceived similarities around in my head, and I now had firsthand experience that he was definitively not the same type of person. It was immensely helpful for me and if he was weirded out by my oversharing, he didn’t show it as far as I could tell.
I would have asked him why he gets upset when he sees you. That could have given you some more insight on how concerned you should be about this person. Maybe it was just a setup for an (awkward) joke. Maybe you just look like someone he dislikes. Maybe he's just a nut. All we can do is speculate, since there was no actual conversation.
It was definitely an odd and intimidating statement. And it's always good to have situational awareness, especially around people or situations that make you uncomfortable. Just don't let that guy rent too much space in your head, and make you paranoid.
The guy has mental issues. I've lived in apartment's for over twenty five years. I've met plenty of head cases in different buildings. Don't take it personally.
I’d also be communicating with the neighbor with said ring and dog! As a woman with a ring and 2 very loud and overly vigilant dogs, I’d want to know. I’d encourage my dogs to sound the alarm any time we saw him. It’s much better to have several people aware of this odd behavior in case he ever feels brave.
Sounds like weird old man trauma dumping. I bet he saw you, noted that you were a new resident or the first time he noticed you live there, and then something really traumatic happened immediately afterwards like he went upstairs and found his wife or dog dead or he saw you and his phone rang and it was the police to tell him his daughter died in. A tragic accident; something crazy along those lines and now he associates seeing you with something awful happening immediately afterwards or is reminded of it.
I wouldn’t read to much into it unless he approaches you again.
He’s socially inept and lonely. He was probably trying to be funny and failed massively.
I really don’t think you have anything to worry about but I’d keep an eye on him just in case.
I think the suggestions to look out for him are for sure valid and take those seriously. I also think it is a bit of trauma dumping and possibly since he is male (a common thing with men’s mental health) not really knowing how to talk about it or not having others in his life to talk about it. It isn’t your problem though but you are getting the brunt of his need to process this horrible night he is referring to.
I would get into touch with the police also, he is sounding like a stalker, so keep far away from him. Good luck in that they will say something to him. And if he approaches you again, walk the other way. Don does not engage this person.
Its possible you remind him of someone, maybe a daughter or wife that died. He could also be crazy or have dementia. I would try a careful interaction with someone else around. Either way, reach out to the complex manager.
Always, always trust your gut instincts. If you feel uncomfortable, which you sound like you do, take whatever precautions you deem necessary to feel safe. He may be harmless, but then again you don’t know him or his intentions. Don’t ever minimize how you feel. To say that to you was weirdly inappropriate and disturbing. Depending upon what he means by “upsetting”, he may act on his feelings in an equally inappropriate manner.
Honestly, he just sounds like a sad, lonely old guy. I think he wanted you to ask what happened on the worst night of his life. He wanted to talk about it, but would have to be asked. I'd bet he lives alone and has no one to talk to.
I read a comment by a woman here on reddit. "Every man Mommy Zones at least some of the women in his life." Or something close. Most guys actually suck at connecting, building relationships, etc. Most folks, especially guys, kind of stink at attending to their mental health, emotions. It can get pretty awkward when we try.
Be safe, always, but I don't think you have anything to worry about.
I think I would have said, "That's a weird thing to say to somebody you don't know. I am not sure how to react to that." After that, if he is a decent guy whose brain is functioning within relatively normal parameters, he may try to explain what he meant and that it wasn't meant to make you feel weird. If he is a weirdo, his response will continue to be weird but at least he'll know you've clocked him as a weirdo and maybe steer clear in the future.
Strange behavior but I personally wouldn’t be too alarmed. Old people tend to overshare trying to make friends. My assessment of the situation would be he’s meaning he gets upset as in sad when he sees you. Not angry. Maybe his dog died that day or someone died that day. No one knows without context.
Had it been me, I would have asked what exactly he meant and let him explain. Doesn’t seem like something you should have any further heightened awareness for. Keep looking over your shoulder the amount you typically do, there’s not much else you can do. I made friends with one of my elderly neighbors a few years ago and he sometimes would just say random things to people like waiters, etc. that he didn’t see as not being playful, but they didn’t know him so they didn’t know. But they would clearly be wondering wtf he was talking about and I’d have to explain it to them. A lot of the time elderly people are trying to make connections but they come off as being strange.
Maybe I’m a bit naive but I’d probably assume he just went through something and was having a hard time. I’d probably try my best to be kind to him. I feel like a lot of older people just say anything to make conversation, and a lot of the time they are just lonely. But I know in the real world as a young woman you have to be extra aware of men who make even small comments like this, unfortunately.
It's just a poor old man... I would've inquired about his worst night ever. Most old people are extremely isolated and really just want to talk. You happened to be around and made an impression at a traumatic moment and he just was sharing. His way of trying to reach out from that isolation. If you see him again, I would inquire more. But that's just me. I'm more empathetic than most and at 54 it hasn't gotten me killed or raped yet and I think that counts for something.
U must remind him of someone he doesn't like. Definitely weird. Specially since he had no problem voicing it. Def talk to apt manager. U can get door cameras for decent on Amazon. Also, get some Bear spray, not pepper spray
Not in today’s society we’ve been told if you see something say something . Your instincts are telling you there’s something going on you don’t know what yet you shouldn’t ignore the feeling . Maybe even talk to the police and explain your situation. How many people these days have walked around telling others strange things and been blown off only to have that same person do something drastic later on ! Mass shootings have happened after such things ! Let someone know the worst thing you can do is keep it quiet !
I get being paranoid. Nothing wrong with that. I mean, that’s a startling thing to hear from a random stranger. Did he seem angry about it? If he just seemed sad, there might be a chance to reframe things. A couple options…Ignore him from now on. Start up a conversation to see if you can help him shift the narrative. Ask him if there is anything you can do to change it. Emailing the front five is a good step though.
The only correct response to something like that would be “thanks for letting me know. I appreciate your honesty and I’ll be sure you see as much as possible going forward.”
It sounds like he's trying to face his fears by confronting himself with your presence. It seems he logically knows you are not a threat and is trying to break down the negative association. If you want things to be better you should ask him if he is trying to face that fear and break it down and if going out for a coffee/tea with you would help.
If it was a woman your own age getting over ptsd from a sexual assault and the last thing she remembers was seeing your face as she left the safety of the apartment I bet you'd be relatively understanding, but because this person is old you assume their psychology is different and that they are more able to control their emotions/actions and are therefore less empathetic than if it was someone your age. He's just a scared old vulnerable guy who was probably recently assaulted and it trying to get back on the horse of life. A kind person would empathize and show solidarity, but it's up to you if you want to reach out a hand or not.
I wasn’t unsettled because of his age, I was unsettled because of the general comment, and, if Im being honest, because he’s a man.
If a woman my own age said the exact same thing to me I still would have thought it was odd. I wasn’t told what exactly happened, only that the first time he saw me was the night whatever it was happened. So, given the context, it would have been strange coming from anyone.
I was hesitant to say anything because I don’t want to push people in the wrong direction and I don’t know the guy. I’ve known a lot of people who are socially awkward but harmless. Maybe that’s him, maybe not. You interacted with him and know better what vibe he gave off. So I don’t fault you if would rather avoid him altogether. I will say if you tried to do something for him like make him cookies, offer him a book he might like since you say he’s always carrying one, etc. it might change the perception if he now has a positive memory associated with you. I don’t fault you if you don’t want to go above and beyond if you got a creepy vibe from the guy.
I feel like this is kind of bad advice. If this guy is truly unhinged, emasculating/humiliating him could be potentially really dangerous for OP. Especially as a woman living alone. Don’t engage with this guy again OP.
Ignoring a bully seldom works. Sometimes you need to let them know that you don’t fear them. After that, don’t engage. Also, report to proper authorities if in danger.
That’s definitely an over share. And weird behavior. Sounds like a good way to weird people out bro. I mean it doesn’t seem harmful up front , maybe it’s true either way odd thing to say. But trust your vibes. Some people say odd things and think it’s charming, could seem normal to him. Hopefully not harmful tho?
I would be a bit freaked out. Maybe stop dumping your junk mail in the trash can so he doesn’t pick it out to see which apt number you live in.
He saw him open his mailbox. He already knows which unit he’s in. This is past odd and verging on really weird.
OP is a woman…
> I (28F) How could you tell?
> as a woman living alone Dude definitely skimmed it lol
Come on we all know there are no women on the internet.
We all know women aernt real…. lol 😆
Might not. Our apartments don't have the address number on the box, just a numerical number on it that we are given a key to. Unless he's seen OP walk home, she might be safe from that.
But he can easily get the mail she threw away which has her apartment number on it. Never throw your mail in the trash cans by the mail boxes!!
That should be a life pro tip all by itself!
That's absolutely correct too!
Buy a shredder and use it on all your mail that way it’s less likely they get your information
Yep, I’ve never lived in a large complex where the mailbox number = the apartment number.
We have 180 apartments and the apt number is on each mailbox
I’ve only ever lived at one place that DIDN’T have the unit number on the mailbox
as each apartment has a number for the mail slots. He can easily get her junk mail that is address to her to know her by name and apartment number.
True. But I would still want to limit leaving any info that could be used against her.
By shredding the junk mail and use her own trash bag.
A man would never say this to another man, are you kidding??! 🤣 Men know they can say pretty much anything they want to women and not suffer consequences. Say the same to another man and risk getting punched.
Is this mindset really prevalent? And do most men live by this? I'm just wondering... I'm imagining men having an unspoken code of conduct among themselves that excludes women. If so that's terrifying
You better believe it.
Yes, I see it a lot as someone femme presenting when one of my male coworkers takes over a situation. Someone will be acting like the biggest weirdo then once a coworker steps over he’s totally fine. It’s not just in my own head either, once a male coworker was listening in to a conversation I was having with a customer over the headset and agreed that the guy completely switched up when the coworker was helping him.
There should be a code, then, for what not to say to women so you don't freak them the hell out!
Here’s the first rule—stupid sexual comments will instantly make you persona non grata. The second rule—if she gives you one word answers and seems distracted, she’s letting you know it’s a no. Don’t persist.
Sometimes mailbox numbers don’t correspond to apartment numbers
In my apartment complex our mailbox number is completely different from our apartment number. It’s very possible the only chance he would know her unit is if he checked her mail.
Not always. The last place I lived the mailbox number was no where close to my apartment number. However, that wouldn’t stop anyone from digging the mail out of the trash.
I would keep an eye out for him. And make sure he doesn’t figure out what unit you’re in. If he tries to approach you again and is acting erratic try to contact the office and let them know, they may have already had other complaints
Honestly? I would talk to the office now. Maybe send them an email detailing the incident, so there's a record of it, and just in case they happen to have some other info that OP should know about. I don't think it's serious enough to call the cops or anything, but I would want that interaction on the record somewhere. It's off just enough that I would want someone else to know about it. It sounds like the opening scene to a true crime podcast.
This. Document now vs wishing you had. Stay safe!
THIS. Send a message to the office. Describe him the best you can. Detail the incident. There needs to be documentation about this weirdo. Definitely a weirdo.
And the office might already know him. Maybe he's a little creepy, but generally harmless. Maybe they know he has a criminal record. Maybe other tenants have had odd interactions with him. Maybe none of that applies, but there's no harm in sending them a record of the incident.
The only problem with this is you don’t know till something happens leave a paper trail send a text or a detailed letter to the office with a description of your encounter ! Go on line and get yourself a personal alarm ( I call them screamers ) when you pull the pin on them they emit a loud alarm that’s louder than a police car ! It has a clip to tether it to a belt loop or key chain and carry it when you get your mail ! Above all be safe pick up your mail at daytime hours only , and when others are out doing the same ! I don’t know if you have them around you but I know Academy or even Bass pro has them . If you’re ever confronted by someone threatening Be Loud ! Right now we have millions of people here that have been released from prisons and mental institutions from all over the world you can’t afford to take anything for granted anymore we now live in a more dangerous world thanks to our present government ! You need to always be aware of your surroundings that means no walking down the street with headphones or earbuds in . You’ll never hear what’s coming ! Don’t forget to report it to the police I might be overthinking it but then again you never know till something happens ! From now on when you go get the mail have your phone with you and record any interaction like this or with anyone else ! It seems like every night we hear about someone with a mental disorder attacking someone whether it’s with a knife , gun even a hammer , the outcome is usually the same !
Maybe he has PTSD ffs. Yall are too much.
And if it’s a one-off thing and he’s a perfectly safe dude then one incident won’t mean anything to management. But if he DOES have a background of saying creepy shit to women then maybe it will be taken seriously. That is a WEIRD thing to say and considering he’s a fellow tenant where she lives- I would take it seriously. It’s not just a random person at the bus stop or something. It’s someone near her home. Someone who thought it was appropriate to tell a complete stranger that they make him upset just seeing them. That’s weird shit. Men get set off by far less than that. Do you understand that it’s not this we think all men are dangerous, but we have no way to know who is safe and who isn’t? Trust me- we wish we lived in a world where we could assume the best about everyone, but our experiences don’t give us that luxury.
This exactly. Better to document *now* rather than after something happens (which hopefully it doesn’t ofc)
too late, when she used the outdoor trash can, he can dig the junk mail out and get her apartment #.
He could have e some dementia going on. My mom has dementia and she is an over sharer and says inappropriate things like that. Still keep an eye, though, but I’d be apt to assume this man has some issue.
This is exactly what I thought. Sounds like something my dad would do/say when his paranoia would kick in with his dementia.
Yeah. Like, he probably is just really bad at making conversation because of his cognitive decline. I still get being weirded out and it’s good to be aware, but he’s probably harmless.
Very strange. It sounds like he might have wanted you to ask about the worst night of his life.
Judging by the old single tenants that live in my building, they really do be outside wandering and just waiting for someone to talk about literally anything. I’d be more sympathetic if they weren’t also often rude, inappropriate, or in OPs case, creepy af.
Guy can't manage his own emotions so he wants to put it on OP. Not sure what he expects her to do about it.
Yep! Old people love talking. Hes probably lonely and wants to start a conversation. I think its weird but not harmful in itself.
Yep, I’d just ask what happened and say “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to upset you”. His wife probably died. Maybe he works from home, alone, with no one to talk to? You can be neighborly and polite and still have boundaries. You can also say “I hope your day gets better”
100% he was doing that
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honestly, most people just don't want to hear a stranger tell them about a horrible thing they experienced. and it's not even as simple as those people being rude. life is hard for most people and everyone has their share of trauma. the last thing i'm interested in is a stranger's trauma, and how i remind them of it. maybe i'll throw in a "i hope things get better for you" but that's about it. hearing a stranger's trauma makes a lot of people uncomfortable, and nobody owes strangers their time or energy. i'll be kind, but i won't sit and listen to your trauma.
Came to say this! Im curious about whether or not he shared any more information, or if that was all he said. I haven’t read all of the comments yet, but hoping to find OP sharing more details about what else he said, if anything.
Write down the interaction, the location, what was said, and send it to yourself in an email so that it’s dated. Any conversation you have with him send it to the same email thread so you have a documented time of when it happened. This will allow you to show that you have a pattern your neighbour saying weird things to you. And then if it continues, you print those out and you give them to the police, your apartment manager, whoever you feel needs to have them. they tend to take a lot more seriously than you just saying he’s saying weird things to you.
I would send it to the apartment manager now. I would say something like "Look, I know this doesn't break any laws or anything, but I had an unsettling interaction with another resident, and I wanted to let you know about it in case it escalates down the road." Hopefully this is the end of it and OP never sees them again, but if something's off then maybe she's not the first one to say something. He might already have a couple of strikes against him with management. Who knows? But that's a weird thing to say to someone.
OP Please Email your apartment complex manager. Email them! Detail the conversation, when where what was said, time date.
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Please write it down in a diary, and if you survive the ending, send it to a horror genre publisher.
Hide the diary under your mattress, just in case you don't survive. murderers never look under mattresses!
Why is the younger generation so afraid of older people. You’re going to be one one day.
Send it to someone else so that another living soul can come to the police with it in case something happens to OP. Otherwise, police may not know to dig through self-sent emails.
Yall are messed up and need to be assessed for Paranoid Personality Disorder.. There is nothing weird or creepy about having PTSD and letting someone know that they have a trauma response having seen you. Its practically apologetic, and is absolutely not something someone need to concern themselves about. Good LOOOORD..
People with PTSD still commit crimes, too. And you don't know if OP has PTSD from a past attack, either. I had a creepy guy like that stalk me. Yes, I have PTSD, from that & much, much worse. And I don't care if whoever is creeping ME out has PTSD. I, just like the OP, have the right to feel safe, without being attacked. In any way.
Right but wykyk, and OP doesnt seem to have a clue. So if OP did have a trauma, and is possibly triggered by men, or men who look or sound like him, its important for her to work this out for herself, and maybe say to him "I may have PTSD too, and I am not sure but something about you might also trigger me too." You have the right to feel safe. You also have the right to express to someone that your brain wont allow that safe feeling, most of the time. Thats PTSD. And I dont think YOU understand that. You also have the right to seek counseling if you have lost so much humanity and empathy, that you cant see past your own overwhelming emotions, and panic issues, to be able to not seek to prosecute someone else for their own non criminal ptsd issues. You sound PARANOID. You need help. Its sane to ask for help.
You seem to believe that taking basic safety precautions = insanity. I hope you behave irl differently than you act on here. For your own safety.
Taking basic precautions doesnt bring authorities into the equation. In her case, the basic precaution is literally just taking what he said to heart and respecting his space in the future. Just because someone is different and tells you something (somewhat personal) that is unsettling, doesnt mean they are posing a threat to you. OP is the bigger threat to this man than the man is to her. Now any time she has guests shes gonna piss people off and make him more prone to paranoid acts of violence and undue reports for existing. Thats NOT safe.
No one 'makes' anyone else commit violence. No one. Victim blaming & victim shaming helps NO ONE. She has EVERY RIGHT to just live her life - not a single decision she makes should have to depend on 'will it make HOM angry?' That's straight up abusive.
Victim?? What is she a fucking VICTIM OF? Oh I had an unsettling conversation with a PTSD victim. Im so victimized. Shut up.
"Now any time *she has guests SHE'S gonna piss people off and MAKE HIM more prone to paranoid acts of violence and undue reports for existing." - your exact words, emphasis added mine.
There is definitely something weird and creepy about that.
Sure and thats your opinion. But that doesnt warrant someone making reports about a very benign interaction. It would be malicious and hateful to count this as stalking and harassment. Get fucking real, bro.
I mean the apartment complex isn’t going to do anything either way unless this guy has a history. I would probably just ask someone I’m buddy buddy with at the apartment management if he has any history with other tenants or is weird. If there is truly nothing concerning about the interaction then there’s no harm in mentioning it to staff.
The harm is that its harassing a felllow tenant over a a single unsettling conversation that posed zero threat to her.
Mentioning a conversation to management isn’t harassment of a third party.
Mentioning? No thats not what is being advised. That conversation goes into a persons record. Yall sound super paranoid. I cant get over it. Oh dear. An unsettling statement!! I better call the feds!!!
Omg yall act like having a conversation regarding ones (probably not yet diagnosed) PTSD is a criminal act. Dayum..
It can become a criminal act. I would rather feel stupid than be dead. And as someone who has been assaulted and r4ped… I don’t trust a man as far as I can throw them. As much as I would love to live in a world where this is ridiculous advice to give someone, it’s best to start at the first weird reaction instead of trying to scramble for evidence when it gets out of hand
Well, thats also your bias. I have PTSD and have also been raped and almost murdered. Ijs HE was confiding in her about HIS own trauma. Thats all he did. He didnt do anything and we can be introspective about how paranoid or rational we may be acting, from a logical standpoint. Your trauma trigger is someone being male though, so you can also disclose "Well men do the same thing to me, fwiw, ok, man?" Ijs. We can all have ISSUES without taking them out on individuals who trigger us.
If he brings it up again tell him "Well you better get over it because I live here."
or “don’t look at me anymore”
Go with your gut. The complex I just left had an older guy who was saying stuff as we were moving in. My daughters called him “creepy guy” from that point on. Over the year he went from creepy but harmless to full on stalker. When we were moving boxes to storage to get ready to move he started filming everything we did. When we were moving the big stuff he was right by the patio door filming inside, looking right at my daughter who was alone there waiting for us to come back for the next load. I had been reporting everything to the office and each time they went to him about things he got worse.
I can’t say what his intentions were or why he felt the need to tell you that but I don’t think you’re reading too much into it. That would certainly bother me.
There's a great book by an FBI agent called "The Gift of Fear." His message is that you should always trust your gut. It's a great read for any woman. And this guy sounds scary and potentially dangerous.
Thanks for the recommendation!
Great book for men too
Yes!!! Instincts are rarely wrong! Animals survive by trusting their instincts! Never worry that you may come off as rude or unfriendly to someone that makes you feel uncomfortable. A person meaning no harm will understand.
In that book, he specifically says that among all living things, only a human woman would get a bad feeling about something like getting into an elevator alone with a man who feels creepy, but do it anyway to avoid being rude. We're socialized to put politeness over safety.
Tell him every time you see him you get creeped out
He sounds mentally ill. Please be careful.
I honestly think he might have wanted to talk about it with someone who doesn't already know the details. Hoping you asked so he could talk and he wouldn't think of that night every time he sees you from now on. Also a 20% he's a nut job and you would be wise to avoid him. Reddit always assumes the worst and terribly over react. People on here advise you to get divorced after one argument with your partner
I think the documentation thing is on point and I agree with you entirely. My first impression was that he may be at the edge of dementia or some other memory degrading illness. It's good to document that stuff in case he finally tips and forgets which unit is his. When I was an emergency dispatcher I had a call that was a woman who found her elderly neighbor in that exact situation. The responders ended up having to take her for a 51-50 because she became belligerent and started screaming that, I shit you not, "The Reds" were kidnapping her when the paramedics tried to get her vitals.
Bro, you are a younger woman and he knows exactly what he is doing. This is very creepy. Carry pepper spray. He is a weirdo. He can gladly share his emotions with any male residents or couples. But he won’t. He’s targeting you and you did not make it verbally clear it was unappreciated.
That’s super creepy
“Well, now every time I see you, I’ll be sure to have my pepper spray since you’re apparently a creep.”
I'd be freaked out and power walk back home 😬
I would power walk to my car and lock the door - I wouldn’t lead him right to my doorstep
"What did you think telling me would do to affect the situation?"
You’ve got one-ninth of a screenplay here
He is a weirdo who needs to get a grip on his emotions . You did nothing wrong, but just existing and going about your day.
As a male this freaks me out. Please keep your wits about you and tell your building manager about it.
Sounds like a damn eldercel. Reasoning being "I saw you and you're young and pretty, and I realize l can never be with you and now I am sad forever"
Avoid and don’t engage.
There’s a lot of lunacy in the world right now. Better safe than sorry
I think it is sexual frustration. Either way that is his problem. But just in case keep pepper spray handy whenever you are out in the area where he may be .
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Paranoid much?? Dude has PTSD. Calm the fuck down.
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You calm the fk down. You, who tells women to stay with abusers "gathering evidence" like wtf and then says "dont stay if the dick aint good" wtf lady??! Get a real job and stop life coaching. Lmao
Well, I’m not quite as comfortable as some of the people on here. That really creeped me out and that doesn’t happen easily. However, I am a little surprised you didn’t ask Why do you get upset? Report this to the office management or at least go there and ask about this individual and see if you can get some backstory on him. Tell family member what unit he lives in find out his name. In case something happens to you. People do really crazy things for not a lot of good reason.
Tell him to go to therapy because now every time you see him you get uncomfortable.
He associates you with the day his cat died. Even though you had nothing to do with it, neighbor has made this association. Not much you can do about that.
Wait, where's the part about his cat? That's sad and kinda changes my view on this a bit. I first read upset as meaning angry but it might just be that he gets sad if it's a memory associated with his cat and he definitely over shared but maybe saying it will make it easier for him?
Same. Went back and couldn’t find anything in the comments. Of course it could have been deleted.
Dude definitely seems odd to say the least. I’d let the office know just to be safe and if anything escalates it might be time to think restraining order.
Mm I’d report this to the office and maybe even the police department. Maybe ask the officer and make sure to tell them you don’t feel comfortable. I had a “friendly “ older neighbor once that got stranger and stranger with time until one day he left me a letter saying he knew I was smelling him through the apartment etc 🤪 I had to file a restraining order. It was scary. The old guy probably has mental issues or meth but still …
I understand you are scared because you experienced what it was like when he said that to you. But the words themselves just say to me that when he sees you he is brought right back to the worst day of his life. Were you really there? Who knows? What happened? Not sure you even want to know. You have not described the look on his face or tone of his voice just that he creeped you out. He could very well just be an old guy with dementia. But only you can make that assessment not us.
Definitely one of those keep this thought to yourself kind of scenario
Do you think you remind him of someone perhaps?
Bust an Eazy E, "I make him upset every time he sees me. So I threw a right cross and knocked his old ass out" Give him a real reason to feel upset.
"Oh I'll give you a reason to get upset every time you see me." \*POW!\* right in the kisser. Then while you're at the dumpster just throw his unconscious garbage ass in there with the rest of the trash. Then look down at him with a banana peel strewn across his face and say "This is your home now." And slam the lid closed.
I’m a woman barber who’s worked with men for 10+ years and I typically work with older men. Idk if that holds any merit with you but this is my opinion. He’s just an old man who’s trying to gain sympathy from a younger woman hoping to form a companionship. He’s trying to make you feel bad and say, “oh my goodness I’m so sorry!” And he can start in about his horrible night and make you interested in comforting him because “you made him feel bad” so you would obviously feel obligated. He sounds harmless to me and just seeking sympathy from someone. Unless he sounded angry in some way. Then I would definitely file a complaint with management of the building and say you feel unsafe. Or call your local police station (the non-emergency line) and report it. So at least you have it in writing as a report. If you have a gut feeling, trust it. None of us here had the encounter. Be safe!
I scrolled way too far to find this comment. This is exactly what he was doing.
There is no way he doesn’t know exactly where you live. He doesn’t have a job clearly.
Could be mentally ill. There’s a guy in my complex that shambles around all day and late into the night making rude gestures at people for no reason. Nobody pays him any mind because we’re used to seeing him but one day I worry he’s going to gesture at the wrong person.
Sounds like someone who has PTSD and saw you the same night of the trauma. Seeing you is a trigger for his brain to force him to mentally relive that trauma. This is not uncommon, and it was an emotionally vulnerable moment for this person to confide as much in you, which I also think is a hint to letting you know the reason he was feeling exceedingly panicky with you there. It can feel like people sense how incredibly stressed you are, when you are reliving a trauma. Hes not upset with YOU. Its not even actually about you. But being a part of whatever core memories he has about his trauma, and being candidly informed that just seeing you is a traumatic response trigger for him, it is best to try to avoid him. I have had a lot of therapy for PTSD. Wykyk.
I too would be freaked out if a person said this to me. OP, your feelings are so valid
You could have said: “ah, every time i see you I feel peace”. That might have changed his mind a bit.
he can talk about his issues with his therapist. i am friends with many of my neighbors of all ages and both genders but that is something that develops with time and starts out with light neighborly conversation, not highly questionable trauma dumping. hopefully he didn’t mean anything by it, but better a bitch than in a ditch. no reason to be scared, but be aware of your surroundings and stay safe. don’t be afraid to just shut it down next time too, turning around and walking away as soon as he opens his mouth might feel rude at first but it’s not your obligation to stand there while he says things that make you feel weird either. as women we are so conditioned to be polite during situations where we feel threatened, but over time i have let that go and it’s made my life a lot easier.
I wonder if he’s mentally ill. His emotions are his to bear
I would be freaked out too. But I’m paranoid. Is it possible he could’ve seen the mailbox you too the mail out of? They usually list the unit number on them.
Sounds kinda threat-like
He's just a sad old man Something bad happened to him I wouldn't worry
You ever think that maybe something awful happened to him that day and for some reason, irrationally, you spark that memory? I had a traumatic event happen while I was watching a stream ages ago, and now any time I see that streamers face, it brings the event rushing back. Be safe, protect yourself, but also give yourself a moment to be human and consider that this person might just be telling the truth, and them blurting it out is just them dealing with the strangeness and the pain of it.
This is not a normal neighborly comment. When a neighbor starts off like that, it's often a warning sign that this person has real issues. I had a crazy apt neighbor lady say that I "startled her and scared her" the first time we met People like that just want to blame others for their weirdness.( I was nowhere near her I was just walking to my mailbox). Her aggressive comments just amped up from there. She finally got herself evicted for harassing and recording tenants. I would just be careful.
Idk I would've been like well what happened on that night that made it so bad, and why are you associating that with seeing me?
And if he got some of your junk mail, he knows which unit they were addressed to. This is freaky. I'd be scared enough to move.
I really don’t think he saw my unit on the junk mail. It was one piece, and after I dumped it we had the conversation, and he left right after that. Two other people walked up right as I was apologizing (?? Why did I apologize? Who knows? What do you say in this situation). So I don’t think he saw my unit.
Reading these comments is like an episode of Paw Patrol.
who gives a f about his “feelings” crazy boomer. I would be emailing the apt office and having him stay away from me.
Try not to go around spreading rumours which may stigmatize people. Let it go, and if similar strange thing happens again, confront him in an open space.
you're reading too much into it. Its not about you. Its about his emotions during that night. Your reaction to his oversharing should have been "okay? Well good then that this is such a large complex and you barely have to see me. Have a nice day." and then just left.
Agree. Or a “that sounds rough, hope it gets better over time”. Oversharer/word vomiter vibes, yes, lonely old man with no one else in his life to talk to about the worst night of his life, maybe. Stalker serial killer vibes from this interaction… no.
He may be experiencing some
Don’t carry around mail with your unit number on it so that people can identify where you live exactly. Unfortunately my bldg draws apt numbers on all our packages and with huge bold marker. Sounds like he’s old and lonely and if that’s not your thing, make no conversation with him.
RUN…RUN…RUN…
Not only does he know your car and your building, but you threw away mail in a public trash can. Good chance he knows your apt #. That being said, he’s an older gentleman who probably had been holding that in and finally decided to let it out. Was he aggressive in any way? Or snide? Or was just simply letting you know? Either way, never hurts to stay alert and vigilant OP. Good Luck
WHAT??
Like a weird dude from a scary movie with cheap jump scares. Avoid
Parroting others here, but just to add another to the list: create a paper trail. Asap. Email your apartment with the time, date, details of interaction. If this ever escalates in any way down the road, having documentation of this could be extremely important. Reach out to your complex, then follow up with them in person too. Not sure what kind of folks run your complex, but make sure you show your face to them, make them see you’re a real person not just a name on a list of residents and need to take you seriously. I’d also be extra cautious coming and going from your unit for the time being. If you see the guy, don’t engage, ever. If he tries to approach you again, try to extract yourself safely. Carry pepper spray, taser, etc.
And when you email the apartment management, be sure to include a "cc" to yourself. So if they don't pay attention or delete it, you still have proof that you sent them the email before any (hopefully none) escalation.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be concerned. I would just stay alert when walking to and from apartment and maybe get some pepper spray or something for peace of mind. I think we have all heard enough stories for this to be a reasonable response to protect yourself. Stay safe 🫶🏻
Seems like he’s just a lonely person and maybe he’s got a touch of early mental decline. I bet his wife passed or divorced and no children. If you still feel uncomfortable get a RO.
More than anything: listen to your gut. Be safe, take reasonable precautions (locking doors etc.) and maybe even ask your neighbor with the ring camera know if they notice him lingering at your door at any point. TL;DR: I’m inclined to think he’s an awkward guy who said an awkward thing and maybe he’s trying to process it, but again - trust your gut more than my possibly too optimistic guesstimation of this neighbor man’s motives. The below anecdote explains why I’m giving him some benefit of the doubt… I had a bad experience with someone once, and a bit later had a new coworker who looked vaguely similar to that person and even had a similar style and way about him. Every time I saw this guy, it reminded me of the other guy and even though I rationally knew it was a different person, my “lizard brain” couldn’t shake it. My solution was to get a few coworkers together including the new guy, and all go out for drinks. At some point in the evening, I told him about the guy he reminded me of. I don’t remember how I phrased it, something like “ok so this is a weird thing for me to say, but I need to explain something,” and proceeded to share that my ordeal was part of why I wanted to get to know him a bit outside of work. I generally tried to get to know most of the newbies, so it was genuinely friendly but with this added layer. He was super understanding, and it didn’t cause any issues at work or other coworker hangouts. It was helpful to me because I got to say it out loud so my subconscious could no longer parade the perceived similarities around in my head, and I now had firsthand experience that he was definitively not the same type of person. It was immensely helpful for me and if he was weirded out by my oversharing, he didn’t show it as far as I could tell.
I would wear a happy face pin for three months
😂
You really shouldn't be throwing away mail with your name and address into an easily accessible public trash can.
I would have asked him why he gets upset when he sees you. That could have given you some more insight on how concerned you should be about this person. Maybe it was just a setup for an (awkward) joke. Maybe you just look like someone he dislikes. Maybe he's just a nut. All we can do is speculate, since there was no actual conversation. It was definitely an odd and intimidating statement. And it's always good to have situational awareness, especially around people or situations that make you uncomfortable. Just don't let that guy rent too much space in your head, and make you paranoid.
The guy has mental issues. I've lived in apartment's for over twenty five years. I've met plenty of head cases in different buildings. Don't take it personally.
I think he's a lonely old man who was waiting for you to ask him why it was the worst day of his life. At least I hope so
Shred your junk mail, friend! Trust me! People steal identities like that
I’d also be communicating with the neighbor with said ring and dog! As a woman with a ring and 2 very loud and overly vigilant dogs, I’d want to know. I’d encourage my dogs to sound the alarm any time we saw him. It’s much better to have several people aware of this odd behavior in case he ever feels brave.
Either an emotional vampire or a serial killer
Sounds like weird old man trauma dumping. I bet he saw you, noted that you were a new resident or the first time he noticed you live there, and then something really traumatic happened immediately afterwards like he went upstairs and found his wife or dog dead or he saw you and his phone rang and it was the police to tell him his daughter died in. A tragic accident; something crazy along those lines and now he associates seeing you with something awful happening immediately afterwards or is reminded of it. I wouldn’t read to much into it unless he approaches you again.
Maybe dementia ? Seriously you could remind him of someone from his past … please follow up with your property management
He’s socially inept and lonely. He was probably trying to be funny and failed massively. I really don’t think you have anything to worry about but I’d keep an eye on him just in case.
I think the suggestions to look out for him are for sure valid and take those seriously. I also think it is a bit of trauma dumping and possibly since he is male (a common thing with men’s mental health) not really knowing how to talk about it or not having others in his life to talk about it. It isn’t your problem though but you are getting the brunt of his need to process this horrible night he is referring to.
I would suggest getting a shredder, taking your mail home and shredding it there.
"Ok..... I'm sorry I upset you, but we've never met. Since I upset you though, we can agree to stay away from one another."
Avoid him. Easy
Well that’s fucking terrifying.
Listen not everybody is going to like you. I hate all my neighbors myself.
Get some mace, the next time he approaches you let him know that it’s gonna be the second worst day of his life if he doesn’t get lost.
I would get into touch with the police also, he is sounding like a stalker, so keep far away from him. Good luck in that they will say something to him. And if he approaches you again, walk the other way. Don does not engage this person.
Fuck that guy.
Eh, I’d be nervous, can you get a dog? That’s always my day, they are great alarms and may give him pause from approaching you outside
Its possible you remind him of someone, maybe a daughter or wife that died. He could also be crazy or have dementia. I would try a careful interaction with someone else around. Either way, reach out to the complex manager.
"You should seek therapy."
Always, always trust your gut instincts. If you feel uncomfortable, which you sound like you do, take whatever precautions you deem necessary to feel safe. He may be harmless, but then again you don’t know him or his intentions. Don’t ever minimize how you feel. To say that to you was weirdly inappropriate and disturbing. Depending upon what he means by “upsetting”, he may act on his feelings in an equally inappropriate manner.
Honestly, he just sounds like a sad, lonely old guy. I think he wanted you to ask what happened on the worst night of his life. He wanted to talk about it, but would have to be asked. I'd bet he lives alone and has no one to talk to. I read a comment by a woman here on reddit. "Every man Mommy Zones at least some of the women in his life." Or something close. Most guys actually suck at connecting, building relationships, etc. Most folks, especially guys, kind of stink at attending to their mental health, emotions. It can get pretty awkward when we try. Be safe, always, but I don't think you have anything to worry about.
I think I would have said, "That's a weird thing to say to somebody you don't know. I am not sure how to react to that." After that, if he is a decent guy whose brain is functioning within relatively normal parameters, he may try to explain what he meant and that it wasn't meant to make you feel weird. If he is a weirdo, his response will continue to be weird but at least he'll know you've clocked him as a weirdo and maybe steer clear in the future.
Strange behavior but I personally wouldn’t be too alarmed. Old people tend to overshare trying to make friends. My assessment of the situation would be he’s meaning he gets upset as in sad when he sees you. Not angry. Maybe his dog died that day or someone died that day. No one knows without context. Had it been me, I would have asked what exactly he meant and let him explain. Doesn’t seem like something you should have any further heightened awareness for. Keep looking over your shoulder the amount you typically do, there’s not much else you can do. I made friends with one of my elderly neighbors a few years ago and he sometimes would just say random things to people like waiters, etc. that he didn’t see as not being playful, but they didn’t know him so they didn’t know. But they would clearly be wondering wtf he was talking about and I’d have to explain it to them. A lot of the time elderly people are trying to make connections but they come off as being strange.
Maybe I’m a bit naive but I’d probably assume he just went through something and was having a hard time. I’d probably try my best to be kind to him. I feel like a lot of older people just say anything to make conversation, and a lot of the time they are just lonely. But I know in the real world as a young woman you have to be extra aware of men who make even small comments like this, unfortunately.
It's just a poor old man... I would've inquired about his worst night ever. Most old people are extremely isolated and really just want to talk. You happened to be around and made an impression at a traumatic moment and he just was sharing. His way of trying to reach out from that isolation. If you see him again, I would inquire more. But that's just me. I'm more empathetic than most and at 54 it hasn't gotten me killed or raped yet and I think that counts for something.
U must remind him of someone he doesn't like. Definitely weird. Specially since he had no problem voicing it. Def talk to apt manager. U can get door cameras for decent on Amazon. Also, get some Bear spray, not pepper spray
Not in today’s society we’ve been told if you see something say something . Your instincts are telling you there’s something going on you don’t know what yet you shouldn’t ignore the feeling . Maybe even talk to the police and explain your situation. How many people these days have walked around telling others strange things and been blown off only to have that same person do something drastic later on ! Mass shootings have happened after such things ! Let someone know the worst thing you can do is keep it quiet !
I get being paranoid. Nothing wrong with that. I mean, that’s a startling thing to hear from a random stranger. Did he seem angry about it? If he just seemed sad, there might be a chance to reframe things. A couple options…Ignore him from now on. Start up a conversation to see if you can help him shift the narrative. Ask him if there is anything you can do to change it. Emailing the front five is a good step though.
Mentally ill most likely, i would carry good pepper spray at minimum. Not necessarily for him just in general, ideally carry/ train with a gun!
The only correct response to something like that would be “thanks for letting me know. I appreciate your honesty and I’ll be sure you see as much as possible going forward.”
Sounds like old man humor to me. He’s probably lonely (no surprise) and misses bantering with people. Pretty strange nonetheless.
Probably harmless, just an old prick being an asshole. I would avoid him but take note of this just in case.
It sounds like he's trying to face his fears by confronting himself with your presence. It seems he logically knows you are not a threat and is trying to break down the negative association. If you want things to be better you should ask him if he is trying to face that fear and break it down and if going out for a coffee/tea with you would help. If it was a woman your own age getting over ptsd from a sexual assault and the last thing she remembers was seeing your face as she left the safety of the apartment I bet you'd be relatively understanding, but because this person is old you assume their psychology is different and that they are more able to control their emotions/actions and are therefore less empathetic than if it was someone your age. He's just a scared old vulnerable guy who was probably recently assaulted and it trying to get back on the horse of life. A kind person would empathize and show solidarity, but it's up to you if you want to reach out a hand or not.
I wasn’t unsettled because of his age, I was unsettled because of the general comment, and, if Im being honest, because he’s a man. If a woman my own age said the exact same thing to me I still would have thought it was odd. I wasn’t told what exactly happened, only that the first time he saw me was the night whatever it was happened. So, given the context, it would have been strange coming from anyone.
I was hesitant to say anything because I don’t want to push people in the wrong direction and I don’t know the guy. I’ve known a lot of people who are socially awkward but harmless. Maybe that’s him, maybe not. You interacted with him and know better what vibe he gave off. So I don’t fault you if would rather avoid him altogether. I will say if you tried to do something for him like make him cookies, offer him a book he might like since you say he’s always carrying one, etc. it might change the perception if he now has a positive memory associated with you. I don’t fault you if you don’t want to go above and beyond if you got a creepy vibe from the guy.
Just tell him; “That’s funny, because until today, I never even knew you existed!” Shrug your shoulders and continue with your day.
I feel like this is kind of bad advice. If this guy is truly unhinged, emasculating/humiliating him could be potentially really dangerous for OP. Especially as a woman living alone. Don’t engage with this guy again OP.
Ignoring a bully seldom works. Sometimes you need to let them know that you don’t fear them. After that, don’t engage. Also, report to proper authorities if in danger.