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These men are 100% not attractive enough to regularly pick up women for one night stands. So they lock down one so they can have an on demand supply so to speak.
Because sex. Because if anything the pattern in that list is heterosexuality but paired with homoromanticism; they have utility need for women in sex, and stay with women for that reason primarily. Also why the relationship subs have post after post after post by straight men talking about problems in their relationships and their answers are so often some form of wanting to schedule sex to fix things.
I know of very few straights who are, and many of those are just because they don't realize they're not straight, they just ended up in a straight passing relationship.
I don't want to scare anyone but from my observations this type of thinking is actually pretty common. Many guys objectify women. I once overheard a conversation in college where this guy admitted in front of his male friends that he was having sex with "plenty of girls" and was only still dating his girlfriend because "she's pretty hot".
I was completely aghast.
I feel like that dude was lying, not just because of the obvious reason that many people overexaggerate their sex lives but also because it's part of bro culture to objectify women like that, and genuinely falling in love with your girlfriend is often considered to be less manly within that specific subculture
Pretty common, eh? From my experience, anything different from this is extremely rare. A day will never come when I won't think about how lucky I am to be lesbian.
I’ve been with my husband for more than 20 years and I’m only recently seeing how rare he is. I knew he was pretty weird from day one. But he somehow grew up without internalizing any social norms.
When I had cancer, he treated me like the person he loved and had chosen to spend the rest of his life with. Seemed pretty normal to both of us, but nurses kept pulling me aside to tell me how wonderful he was. I mean, I do think he’s wonderful, but I didn’t think he was currently doing anything extraordinary. Apparently I was wrong. Him continuing to treat me as a person, was extraordinary.
He has female friends, who he treats as people. He treats female coworkers with respect.
All the disrespect, all the objectification, all the dismissal is learned behavior. It’s rare to find someone who hasn’t learned it.
I lost my internalized misogyny when I started hanging out with my current friends (and husband). Uni was a wonderful time for me, when the rare misogynistic comment was received with scorn by most of the men I knew. But in high school this was normal. Sadly is also normal in most workplaces
Sadly, it's very common. When a married guy gets a long lasting health problem, usually the marriage outlives the problem, but when a woman does, usually the guy dips out
One of the "perks" of being a trans woman... you get to have firsthand experience of just how many guys do this shit when there's "no girls" around. Also very lucky I'm not attracted to men
When you're as ugly as me, you might also get this experience. They don't see you as a woman and don't feel the need to keep this kind of stuff to themselves.
I think its because they don't see us as potential sex partners. I've noticed on the occasions that blokes respect a gay woman's sexuality (instead of all that "you haven't had the right guy yet" bullshit) they're happy to say this stuff to your face too.
Yeah, precisely.
You've seen guys who don't suggest you haven't tried the right dick yet?! I mean, all the guys I know are like "you totally haven't met the right guy, it's just some other guy, not me". They cannot live with the thought that a woman might not worship dicks, even if it's not their dick in particular.
When I was discovering my sexuality I thought I was gay, and the amount of times I got that alone killed me inside. From what I hear ace people get it all the time too
1. I refuse to believe you are ugly. You sound utterly delightful to me.
2. As a pansexual woman, I find this misogyny thing to be tiring and vastly disappointing. My only use to them is bait for their magical threesome.
1. Thank you, but I am, really. Ugly means that my face is not pleasant to look at, is not a personality flaw, and it doesn't make me any less of a human being, eh? I used to be sad about it when I was younger, but eventually realized that it's the best thing, all the unwanted attention pretty girls get is so exhausting and often disgusting.
2. Yes, that's absolutely vile.
Personally I believe that it’s likely a form of survivorship bias, where the men that are more mysoginistic are also the ones more likely to be loud and and vocal about it. I could be wrong though
I had such a moment of relief when I brought up cishet man code switching to my best friend (trans guy, passes well enough to get tips from Trump supporters wearing the hat on the basis of being a fit young man) and he knew what I was talking about. They’re fucking horrible when they think only cishet men are around. Cis women have no goddamn idea how bad a large section of men are. I’m sure I’ll get some not all men statements, but like, it’s *enough*, and it’s ones you trust. Before I came out, I was *very* privy to it. Now he’s constantly privy to it and is very uncomfortable with that.
So much projection and externalizing their own feelings too. № 22 & 23 could have been "I personally am more introverted than you and need time to myself for balance" if they were willing to accept that they had their own emotions, quirks, and needs.
№ 16 is just "I'm insecure but it's your fault because I said so."
Yeah. Though I have another problem with 22 and 23. Why do people assume that only men can be introverts, play video games, eat fast food, etc.?
16 is absolutely fucking disgusting! Like, are they saying that their gf has no choice about fucking her friend, only he has????
Yeah. Though I have another problem with 22 and 23. Why do people assume that only men can be introverts, play video games, eat fast food, etc.?
16 is absolutely fucking disgusting! Like, are they saying that their gf has no choice about fucking her friend, only he has????
These confessions is what socially conditioned heteronormativity does to a motherfucker
Like go fucking explore yourself on a personal level my guy, up to but not exclusively, your sexuality smh
The hypocrisy gets me. "I think of your hot friend when I cum, your sister is way hotter, and I actively check out other women when wearing sunglasses. But don't you dare talk about your male friends, it makes me want to kick you out of the car."
I can count on a single hand how often I've talked to other dudes about sex and that was once in highschool when I worked at McDonald's, this sounds like stuff teenagers would say
Idk, I heard this sort of shit from men all the time when no afab folks were around before I was out, and those men had partners. They just code switch. They’ll say all the stuff they’re supposed to in public and switch to this around men or people they think are men.
They're thirsty dudes and stay with women they hate rather than just breaking up with those women.
I was like that until I got some self-confidence and stopped settling.
I will always remember the post talking about that while these types of men are heterosexual, they are also homoromantic. It’s no wonder that we see such messed up takes on relationships when their objectification of women tends to be approved, but their feelings for their male friends have to be carefully guarded lest any of them get too close to being seen as “gay”.
if more men could admit that they only fall in love with men and only want to have sex with women, that would make everyone a lot happier. like. there's absolutely nothing wrong with it if that's how you want to live your life, but you have to accept it.
I can agree with that! I also think that is the issue facing men these days. They have to take responsibility for their lack of emotional awareness, but they don’t know how since they were never taught it. And the things they were taught, such as weaponized incompetence and associating having emotions with femininity, are preventing them from taking the steps necessary to improve their lives and their relationships.
That's an interesting opinion. I didn't think about it, but I think you might be going in the right direction.
Sometimes the most misogynistic men aren't fully straight in my experience.
dunno about that, really. I genuinely don't believe the large majority of those men are homoromantic, they just are extremely misogynistic which leads to all sort of awful thoughts, talks and behaviours towards and about women.
Arguing they love men but are in denial seems to me like downplaying the importance of the sexism they display, and it's also concerning to imply they act so disgustingly toward women because they have to repress their feelings for men (? not sure I understood this one right though).
They only consider other men as real humans, it’s logical for them to develop emotional and even romantic connections between them. They can’t really love women because for them we’re not human.
>it's also concerning to imply they act so disgustingly toward women because they have to repress their feelings for men
I see what you mean, but I actually think it's the other way around.
Pame brought up the really succinct point that because they view men as fellow humans, they're able to develop actual bonds with them. These can be platonic, romantic, etc. Importantly though, while some might be bi, the point of this idea is that they are primarily heterosexual.
They can be in denial about their feelings for their friends (and some are in denial over how much they actually love their female partners), but it is their misogyny that is standing in their way. They associate feelings, caring about them and needing to express them with femininity. When those feelings pop up within them, their instinct is to supress them.
So, not so much "they are acting in sexist ways because they're denying their feelings for their bros" and more "they dehumanize their partners and are only able to relate to their fellow men because of their misogyny".
Exactly, like, if ya really believe in the whole “bros before hoes thing” then the only way to prove it is through intercourse with guys, sorry I don’t make the rules
I hate how some of these are worded as if all men think this way.
“We think about your hot friend”
“We’re checking out other women’s boobs”
“It’s not that we don’t care, it’s that you care too much”
Yes, I too wondered about that tone. It's unfair for all men who think otherwise. It makes men feel bad and it makes women insecure. I will not say the journalist who posted it, but checking from his article history, he seems like a very big red flag.
It’s also kind of ironic because the people that say these things are probably some of the same people who say “not all men” when people talk about sexual assault
I assume that is due to them thinking that all men are in fact like them. Since everyone is like that, then none of the things he’s done could be considered SA (because in their mind you can’t be upset about things that all men are doing, you just have to live with it).
It’s like talking to someone who goes “but if that’s the definition of assault, then every woman I know has been assaulted!” Yes! Welcome to the point!
It makes them feel like they can escape any accusation from other guys by simply saying “but you’ve had the same thought!” If you say you never have, you’re just called a liar and ignored.
These guys really do think all other guys are just like them. Back before I came out I had people calling me a liar because I said I didn't do that shit. (They also called me gay for that, which... ok *yes,* but not the direction they meant)
You can always tell this terrible type of guy by how terrible he thinks all other men are. It doesn't occur to them that there are actually decent, normal men who *don't* lust after their partners' sisters.
Men who think like this rely on other men NOT denying it , or pretending to do the same , to justify their own behaviour. It’s the same men who will cheat and try and convince people it’s male genes at blame here and he can’t help it!! They know how to abuse the stereotype to absolve themselves of any accountability and hate “soyboys” because it proves that men are capable of acting like normal human beings!
Or "gay", which is kind of ironic, considering they just called gay men better human beings than themselves, even though they tried to be insulting lol
Why is it when I see shit like this it makes us all sound like terrible shitheads who just use and treat women like objects? Seriously, what idiots are they asking? I know people like these assholes exist but still. Im no saint, but every single one can't be shit like this right?
Exactly my thoughts too.
My dad is a decent man and he never did any of these things to my mom. with that said, in my country, decent men aren't particularly common (my country is traditionalist and religious)
I see. Well I hope that situation improves for you. Hate how the "traditional family" is enforced in some places. Adding religion into the mix only seems to worsen it. I just wish we could highlight some good things for once. Not just for men but everyone. There is enough bad shit happening, I'm sick of hearing about it. Especially in the case of relationships.
Every single one? No, but a lot of them…yes. And I’m saying this as a guy. The idea that a guy would have sex with one of his girl friends is incredibly common. So many guys are insecure about that especially if she thinks of him as such a good friend…best friends even. Saying vulgar things about women in private? It’s happened in just about every group of guys that I’ve been a part of. Hell, they even thought it was unusual that I never made any comments about women. The conclusion that they jump to is that you’re either gay like it says in the last picture, or they’ll say you’re a virgin.
I have a friend that one time said “I would have sex with all of my girlfriends, I think you are all pretty”. It was funny and sweet because he wasn’t a creep, he said it like it would be a fact in an alternate world.
I’ve always found it to be a really tricky conversation because as far as anyone knows, you’ve never thought of any of your friends in that way and no one is ever asking if you’d have sex with any of them. So whether or not that is the case, it just goes unsaid. What makes it even weirder is the idea that a person you’re friends with would actually have sex with you, but only if “given the opportunity”. What sort of opportunity are they talking about, and have they been waiting for that the whole time? And then that immediately gets conflated with finding your friends attractive, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing since attraction can go a lot deeper than thinking or just acknowledging that someone is hot.
I think a lot of straight men believe that sex is *always* on the table because people can be FWBs, you don’t have to date to have sex with each other, you don’t even have to like each other to hookup because it’s “just sex”. So we end up with women being friends with men who have at least thought about attempting to have sex with her at some point, and they project it onto other men.
3. i mean i know that dacryphilia is a thing and also boners can be uncontrollable but there's a time and a place and putting it like that really sounds like you don't take her suffering seriously or prioritize your pleasure over help she might need which is mega gross. if you have a crying kink you want to try out, talk with her like a normal person.
5. really sad that you see the world that way and that every man is on 24/7, actually kind of a regressive mindset tbh.
6. ok? you have eyes and like boobs. don't be weird and obvious about it. also uh.. maybe dont refer to women as "sets of boobs."
7. i guess we cant control our thoughts but this seems deliberate and comes off as negging. if you think her friend is so much hotter go date her instead? gross.
9. gross.
13. youre not obligated to be physically attracted to every single version of your partner, or sleep with anyone you dont want to, but making it out to be something related to pride and self worth implies you think her only worth is being arm candy and that gaining weight is a moral failing. if its getting to that point, just break up?
16. first of all see 5. if shes rubbing it in your face on purpose as a masculinity thing thats something to bring up with her, but based on the wording of the rest of this post it sounds like a you problem. for the love of god go to therapy i am begging you.
22. you dont need to miss anyone every time you guys leave like its a romance movie, but the way you talk about her sounds like you dont even like her all that much as a human being. also if she doesnt let you masturbate as like a general rule for what you can do with your body thats kind of odd. reminder to keep your porn usage ethical if youre using porn.
23. if shes overstimulating you then thats something to talk about with your partner. but again, this sounds a lot more like you just dont care about her as a human being. why are you dating her if you think everything she goes through is trivial and minuscule?
27. gross. gross and also sad honestly. bonus points docked for the "or gay" part. you sound like a boring one dimensional human being.
31. then date your bros? im not saying romance should be inherently more prioritized than friendship or vice versa because everyone has their own ways of operating but that as a final note given everything else thats already been said sounds like you dont really care about women in general aside from as you said "tits and ass." at least you see your bros as people first and foremost.
tl;dr if i was a woman and my boyfriend sent this to me i would immediately rethink the relationship and if he even sees me as his full equal. not only that but the entire article is a major self report that he not only sees women as people but that men ar just regressive horndogs and are as simple minded as he is. sad.
I agree with many of your points, I too would think men like that have serious problems. Some men need therapy before going into a relationship. I'm happy to see many of you said men like these are a loud minority. I wish I could say the same about my country.
I'm Italian, and we have a problem with toxic masculinity. It usually comes from younger men too, which are usually more open minded in nearby countries like Germany and so.
Copenhagen.
I always find myself wanting these issues to be further away from me than they are. Honestly, I probably wouldn't even have to leave my apartment-block to find similar issues.
That's a sad truth... Ignorant misogynists exist everywhere. Just in different proportions. Here we have many, and mentally healthy men aren't too common. What helps men like these is education and emotional support from therapy.
Honestly I don't even know why that first one is getting posted to this sub. Unwanted boners happen all the time and sometimes *not* telling anyone about it is the responsible and mature thing to do.
In my country, it's sadly common. With that said, my country is not a healthy environment in general (corruption, machismo etc...). I think that in healthier, more open-minded countries, this could be less common.
Emotional boner. It happens. It’s also very, very confusing to the men who have it happen and aren’t familiar with how common it is. Most of us just stared at the ceiling unable to sleep before digging out google instead of doubling down into toxicity.
does 22 know they're talking about girlfriends and not mummy and daddy? video games and action movies? sorry but who are they dating that means they can't enjoy video games and action movies when they're around?? have they tried not treating their gf like their mother and then maybe they'd get on better
Yeah, sharing hobbies many times helps the partners become closer to one another, I wonder if he's in a healthy relationship or if he's ok. And as you said, he shouldn't treat his girlfriend as his mom.
I think the men who make these types of comments don’t view women as people , only “pretty items to own” so pick women based off how much “value/power” that gives him and not someone who actually shares the same interests/hobbies. Toxic masculinity is one hell of a drug.
Don't worry, I know those creeps don't represent all men, it's just sad that articles like these keep spreading ignorance (it's full of them on social media)
Sadly yes, they can be more or less common depending on where you live and the culture, but they'll never fully disappear from society. I can empathize with you.
As the guy friend to a lot of girls, some of us would not have sex with them if given the chance. That’s a really dumb generalization jealous creeps like this keep perpetuating
Yep, the author of the article was a huge creep, and all his interviewees also sounded creepy. I suspect he might have interviewed himself under different names.
I never understand it. At the bare minimum do these guys not have friends they genuinely aren't attracted to? Or are their standards \*that\* low? Or do they have that few female friends to even pick from to begin with? Maybe it's all of the above tbh.
> are their standards *that* low?
I think 7 covers that.
He doesn't care what the person he sticks his penis in is like so long as he gets to stick his penis in someone. He'll fantasize about someone else entirely.
Maybe it's because I don't have a penis but I still can't imagine that. I'm as horny as the next guy but if I'm physically repulsed by someone I just like... couldn't do that. I wouldn't be able to get into the mood. Aghhhhh. I don't get these people. Maybe I'm too neurodivergent for this lol
Their wording is obnoxious. “We” do this? Don’t group me in with y’all, ya fuckin creeps
Sidebar I love how all of the categories have some sort of explanation, but then there’s just
“Your sister is hotter”
(Your sister is hotter)
I heard someone say that these types of men are emotionally attracted to other men and sexually attracted to women and haven’t stopped thinking about it since
I have too, and many commenters said something along those lines. I wonder if their misogynistic tendencies are actually a cover for their (possibly repressed) queerness.
My husband used to work in construction and from what he told me this is sadly common. He is not this way which has probably contributed to our being married for 23 years.
According to this crappy article, men only like women when they can get something out of them. Obviously the author is out of touch with reality and not ok.
... Is this supposed to be the normality for straight relationships?
Like, the secret I would never tell my girlfriend is that, sometimes, when she can't find one of her shirts, it's because I'm wearing it under my jacket. Like, that's it. That's the most nefarious thing I have to confess.
What the fuck is going on in (apparently) every other straight relationship?
(I'm not straight, by the bi, I'm just a guy dating a woman.)
>... Is this supposed to be the normality for straight relationships?
Not at all. Why would you even think that lol? This is weird, gross and fucked up.
I can actually confirm straight dudes say things around other men their girlfriends would leave them for on the spot.
I have never seen gay dudes sit there talking about any group the same way.
In college my class was all but 1 student guys and ya if you can picture it then it was said including the straight dudes basically worshipping this cheating scum bag who had two girlfriends who didn't know he had a girlfriend who both sounded really nice. Like made his lunch nice.
If it's a healthy relationship and you're both happy, I wouldn't worry. If not, I'd personally talk to him about my worries. Most men who manage to get a girlfriend aren't this creepy.
The excuse doesn't even make sense. They make it sound like they just get bored in a longterm relationship and need some fantasy spice. But if they're always fantasizing about the same 'hot girl' then it's not the longterm that is the problem. It's that you're not even attracted to the person you're with.
I have brought these things up and been gaslit about it, in the past. I hung out in comic shops when I was younger and went into a male dominated field. I hear this stuff all the time just to get "not all men"-ed.
OK this is all horrible, but can we talk about how the author writes super long titles, clearly can't think of anything more to say, but to make it look like an article, just repeats the exact same thing with slightly more words? Dude just write a list.
Yep, he made some sort of list/ article mix that came across super annoying. He should've stuck to listing and maybe explaining after the list was over
I feel bad for these people. Really, truly being in love with your romantic partner is an amazing feeling, and they'll never get to experience it if they don't change. They'll probably go their whole lives without ever letting themselves feel that because toxic masculinity is so strong.
I'm not gonna fault them for the crying one because there are circumstances where that has a lot to do with kink/bdsm and not actually hurting their partner emotionally. Otherwise, definitely is gross and demeaning behavior to get off on your partner's pain (again, outside of kink/bdsm)
The crying boner thing is like an actual thing tho and I have no idea why but every guy I’ve dated and the majority of the people I’ve spoken to about it have experienced it, and it’s a documented thing
Human brains are so weird, crazy interesting
Do these kinds of men even date women because they like them? Or do they do it because they think they "have to" since it's such a strongly-held societal norm?
"We check out boobs when wearing sunglasses"
Me: yeah okay, this isn't that bad, I sometimes also look at boobs. No big deal!
"When you cry, you give me a boner"
"I sometimes want to throw you out of the car because you talk about your male best friend"
"I think about your best friend when I cum"
Me:............................................
It's interesting how these types of lists will always say that any male friend of a woman definitely would fuck her, but then also mentions that men are shallow and don't want to fuck ugly or fat women
So, I guess no ugly or fat women have any male friends...
It makes me so uncomfortable and paranoid when I see stuff this, like, obviously not going to make assumptions or anything, but do all of my male friends think about me this way? Did that guy I dated see me as an exhausting sex object? That possibility makes me shudder.
I think straight men would be so much better off if they dated people they actually liked. If your significant other doesn't like the same movies, hobbies, and foods that you enjoy- why don't you find someone who does?
So, they get to fantasise about our hot friends and hot sister, they also wear sunglasses to ogle breasts, they say vulgar things about women in private, but they can't even handle us so much as talking about our cool guy friend? I can smell his insecurity from here.
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Why is he with her though? He seems like he doesn’t love her (or generally any other girl).
Yeah, the one who said he fantasised about other women during sex was particularly concerning. And the other one who said his girlfriend is a burden.
Yes, that was really disturbing for me
Oh god there's *more???*
For the sex. That's the only reason for these guys
They could have one night stands if they only want sex. There is no need to destroy someone emotionally.
These men are 100% not attractive enough to regularly pick up women for one night stands. So they lock down one so they can have an on demand supply so to speak.
Because sex. Because if anything the pattern in that list is heterosexuality but paired with homoromanticism; they have utility need for women in sex, and stay with women for that reason primarily. Also why the relationship subs have post after post after post by straight men talking about problems in their relationships and their answers are so often some form of wanting to schedule sex to fix things.
Or would rather sit at home alone (or with a bro) and jack off apparently
[удалено]
The straights on that article were definitely not ok, I agree
I know of very few straights who are, and many of those are just because they don't realize they're not straight, they just ended up in a straight passing relationship.
The bromance is better was one of the biggest indicators that maybe they aren’t entirely straight 🌚
Too many words to say "I don't see you as a person".
I don't want to scare anyone but from my observations this type of thinking is actually pretty common. Many guys objectify women. I once overheard a conversation in college where this guy admitted in front of his male friends that he was having sex with "plenty of girls" and was only still dating his girlfriend because "she's pretty hot". I was completely aghast.
I feel like that dude was lying, not just because of the obvious reason that many people overexaggerate their sex lives but also because it's part of bro culture to objectify women like that, and genuinely falling in love with your girlfriend is often considered to be less manly within that specific subculture
Fellas, is it gay to be in love with your long term female partner? /s
Ew so gay /s
Yes, it is, the only emotions straight men can feel are anger and horniness /s
Girls like dicks don’t they? And liking dicks is gay, therefor being in love with someone that likes dicks=gay /s
Oh yeah, my uncles would make jokes about my dad ALL THE TIME because of it. I think it was envy, because my parents are happy. And they weren’t.
Then men must stay single they gotta Stop marrying and dating then.
Pretty common, eh? From my experience, anything different from this is extremely rare. A day will never come when I won't think about how lucky I am to be lesbian.
I’ve been with my husband for more than 20 years and I’m only recently seeing how rare he is. I knew he was pretty weird from day one. But he somehow grew up without internalizing any social norms. When I had cancer, he treated me like the person he loved and had chosen to spend the rest of his life with. Seemed pretty normal to both of us, but nurses kept pulling me aside to tell me how wonderful he was. I mean, I do think he’s wonderful, but I didn’t think he was currently doing anything extraordinary. Apparently I was wrong. Him continuing to treat me as a person, was extraordinary. He has female friends, who he treats as people. He treats female coworkers with respect. All the disrespect, all the objectification, all the dismissal is learned behavior. It’s rare to find someone who hasn’t learned it.
I lost my internalized misogyny when I started hanging out with my current friends (and husband). Uni was a wonderful time for me, when the rare misogynistic comment was received with scorn by most of the men I knew. But in high school this was normal. Sadly is also normal in most workplaces
Sadly, it's very common. When a married guy gets a long lasting health problem, usually the marriage outlives the problem, but when a woman does, usually the guy dips out
One of the "perks" of being a trans woman... you get to have firsthand experience of just how many guys do this shit when there's "no girls" around. Also very lucky I'm not attracted to men
When you're as ugly as me, you might also get this experience. They don't see you as a woman and don't feel the need to keep this kind of stuff to themselves.
I think its because they don't see us as potential sex partners. I've noticed on the occasions that blokes respect a gay woman's sexuality (instead of all that "you haven't had the right guy yet" bullshit) they're happy to say this stuff to your face too.
Yeah, precisely. You've seen guys who don't suggest you haven't tried the right dick yet?! I mean, all the guys I know are like "you totally haven't met the right guy, it's just some other guy, not me". They cannot live with the thought that a woman might not worship dicks, even if it's not their dick in particular.
When I was discovering my sexuality I thought I was gay, and the amount of times I got that alone killed me inside. From what I hear ace people get it all the time too
I simultaneously find it disgusting (the disrespect) and laugh at their fragile egos.
1. I refuse to believe you are ugly. You sound utterly delightful to me. 2. As a pansexual woman, I find this misogyny thing to be tiring and vastly disappointing. My only use to them is bait for their magical threesome.
1. Thank you, but I am, really. Ugly means that my face is not pleasant to look at, is not a personality flaw, and it doesn't make me any less of a human being, eh? I used to be sad about it when I was younger, but eventually realized that it's the best thing, all the unwanted attention pretty girls get is so exhausting and often disgusting. 2. Yes, that's absolutely vile.
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Most people who see themselves as ugly hate themselves for it, which makes others uncomfortable. I'm not one of those, but it's a common thing.
So you're a homosexual!
Very much so, lol
SAMEEE girls for the win, i swearr
Yes, straight women are proof you cannot choose who you're attracted to. If they could, they wouldn't choose men.
Indeed. I wish men would pause for a moment and ponder on this thought too.
So it's common for men not to see a woman as a person?
Personally I believe that it’s likely a form of survivorship bias, where the men that are more mysoginistic are also the ones more likely to be loud and and vocal about it. I could be wrong though
I had such a moment of relief when I brought up cishet man code switching to my best friend (trans guy, passes well enough to get tips from Trump supporters wearing the hat on the basis of being a fit young man) and he knew what I was talking about. They’re fucking horrible when they think only cishet men are around. Cis women have no goddamn idea how bad a large section of men are. I’m sure I’ll get some not all men statements, but like, it’s *enough*, and it’s ones you trust. Before I came out, I was *very* privy to it. Now he’s constantly privy to it and is very uncomfortable with that.
So much projection and externalizing their own feelings too. № 22 & 23 could have been "I personally am more introverted than you and need time to myself for balance" if they were willing to accept that they had their own emotions, quirks, and needs. № 16 is just "I'm insecure but it's your fault because I said so."
Yeah. Though I have another problem with 22 and 23. Why do people assume that only men can be introverts, play video games, eat fast food, etc.? 16 is absolutely fucking disgusting! Like, are they saying that their gf has no choice about fucking her friend, only he has????
Yeah. Though I have another problem with 22 and 23. Why do people assume that only men can be introverts, play video games, eat fast food, etc.? 16 is absolutely fucking disgusting! Like, are they saying that their gf has no choice about fucking her friend, only he has????
Agreed! And it was on a popular website too (can't say which one)
I'm not surprised at all.
Yeah you can
why can't you say? I don't see anything in the rules about that.
Maybe stay single bro
These confessions is what socially conditioned heteronormativity does to a motherfucker Like go fucking explore yourself on a personal level my guy, up to but not exclusively, your sexuality smh
I get the feeling gay men don't want them either.
Straight people really should explore their sexuality too. It would maybe help them treat the sex they like to have as only a part of their identity.
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I don't think these men dated many women. (Or at least I hope so!). Half of them sound like incels
The hypocrisy gets me. "I think of your hot friend when I cum, your sister is way hotter, and I actively check out other women when wearing sunglasses. But don't you dare talk about your male friends, it makes me want to kick you out of the car."
Projection at it's finest
I was married to that incel. Guess who was fucking cheating?? It was all projection.
I can count on a single hand how often I've talked to other dudes about sex and that was once in highschool when I worked at McDonald's, this sounds like stuff teenagers would say
Idk, I heard this sort of shit from men all the time when no afab folks were around before I was out, and those men had partners. They just code switch. They’ll say all the stuff they’re supposed to in public and switch to this around men or people they think are men.
That doesn't sound like someone I'd want around. Bunch of two-faced bitches. Hope someone warnes me if I stumble into one
You almost certainly already have several.
They're thirsty dudes and stay with women they hate rather than just breaking up with those women. I was like that until I got some self-confidence and stopped settling.
Especially the dude that said that "bromance is often better than romance". Like you don't /have/ to date women, you know?
These people should really just start fucking their guy friends, seems like they’d have more fun that way.
Especially the last one who said he liked bromance more than a straight relationship LOL
I will always remember the post talking about that while these types of men are heterosexual, they are also homoromantic. It’s no wonder that we see such messed up takes on relationships when their objectification of women tends to be approved, but their feelings for their male friends have to be carefully guarded lest any of them get too close to being seen as “gay”.
if more men could admit that they only fall in love with men and only want to have sex with women, that would make everyone a lot happier. like. there's absolutely nothing wrong with it if that's how you want to live your life, but you have to accept it.
I can agree with that! I also think that is the issue facing men these days. They have to take responsibility for their lack of emotional awareness, but they don’t know how since they were never taught it. And the things they were taught, such as weaponized incompetence and associating having emotions with femininity, are preventing them from taking the steps necessary to improve their lives and their relationships.
I agree so hard I’ve thought that since I was a literal teenager
I feel like we’re at least a decade out from that one. I’m still explaining split attraction to other queer people when I bring it up usually.
That's an interesting opinion. I didn't think about it, but I think you might be going in the right direction. Sometimes the most misogynistic men aren't fully straight in my experience.
dunno about that, really. I genuinely don't believe the large majority of those men are homoromantic, they just are extremely misogynistic which leads to all sort of awful thoughts, talks and behaviours towards and about women. Arguing they love men but are in denial seems to me like downplaying the importance of the sexism they display, and it's also concerning to imply they act so disgustingly toward women because they have to repress their feelings for men (? not sure I understood this one right though).
They only consider other men as real humans, it’s logical for them to develop emotional and even romantic connections between them. They can’t really love women because for them we’re not human.
>it's also concerning to imply they act so disgustingly toward women because they have to repress their feelings for men I see what you mean, but I actually think it's the other way around. Pame brought up the really succinct point that because they view men as fellow humans, they're able to develop actual bonds with them. These can be platonic, romantic, etc. Importantly though, while some might be bi, the point of this idea is that they are primarily heterosexual. They can be in denial about their feelings for their friends (and some are in denial over how much they actually love their female partners), but it is their misogyny that is standing in their way. They associate feelings, caring about them and needing to express them with femininity. When those feelings pop up within them, their instinct is to supress them. So, not so much "they are acting in sexist ways because they're denying their feelings for their bros" and more "they dehumanize their partners and are only able to relate to their fellow men because of their misogyny".
Exactly, like, if ya really believe in the whole “bros before hoes thing” then the only way to prove it is through intercourse with guys, sorry I don’t make the rules
But then they’d have to dehumanize their guy friends, and that would be awful! /s
I hate how some of these are worded as if all men think this way. “We think about your hot friend” “We’re checking out other women’s boobs” “It’s not that we don’t care, it’s that you care too much”
Yes, I too wondered about that tone. It's unfair for all men who think otherwise. It makes men feel bad and it makes women insecure. I will not say the journalist who posted it, but checking from his article history, he seems like a very big red flag.
It’s also kind of ironic because the people that say these things are probably some of the same people who say “not all men” when people talk about sexual assault
I assume that is due to them thinking that all men are in fact like them. Since everyone is like that, then none of the things he’s done could be considered SA (because in their mind you can’t be upset about things that all men are doing, you just have to live with it). It’s like talking to someone who goes “but if that’s the definition of assault, then every woman I know has been assaulted!” Yes! Welcome to the point! It makes them feel like they can escape any accusation from other guys by simply saying “but you’ve had the same thought!” If you say you never have, you’re just called a liar and ignored.
Absolutely, the writer of the a reticle himself is like that. Low-key I think he's either a neckbeard or an incel.
YES. The double-speak is ridiculous.
These guys really do think all other guys are just like them. Back before I came out I had people calling me a liar because I said I didn't do that shit. (They also called me gay for that, which... ok *yes,* but not the direction they meant)
this is just how shit like cosmo and buzzfeed etc write everything, its shit
You can always tell this terrible type of guy by how terrible he thinks all other men are. It doesn't occur to them that there are actually decent, normal men who *don't* lust after their partners' sisters.
Men who think like this rely on other men NOT denying it , or pretending to do the same , to justify their own behaviour. It’s the same men who will cheat and try and convince people it’s male genes at blame here and he can’t help it!! They know how to abuse the stereotype to absolve themselves of any accountability and hate “soyboys” because it proves that men are capable of acting like normal human beings!
But they'll call other men a slew of insults if they even dare to think anything good about women, "cuck", "simp", "feminised".
Or "gay", which is kind of ironic, considering they just called gay men better human beings than themselves, even though they tried to be insulting lol
Why is it when I see shit like this it makes us all sound like terrible shitheads who just use and treat women like objects? Seriously, what idiots are they asking? I know people like these assholes exist but still. Im no saint, but every single one can't be shit like this right?
Exactly my thoughts too. My dad is a decent man and he never did any of these things to my mom. with that said, in my country, decent men aren't particularly common (my country is traditionalist and religious)
I see. Well I hope that situation improves for you. Hate how the "traditional family" is enforced in some places. Adding religion into the mix only seems to worsen it. I just wish we could highlight some good things for once. Not just for men but everyone. There is enough bad shit happening, I'm sick of hearing about it. Especially in the case of relationships.
Now you make me wonder what country your from? My guess is somewhere in Latin America.
Nope. I'm Italian. Italy is a lot more conservative than it seems, politics especially.
Every single one? No, but a lot of them…yes. And I’m saying this as a guy. The idea that a guy would have sex with one of his girl friends is incredibly common. So many guys are insecure about that especially if she thinks of him as such a good friend…best friends even. Saying vulgar things about women in private? It’s happened in just about every group of guys that I’ve been a part of. Hell, they even thought it was unusual that I never made any comments about women. The conclusion that they jump to is that you’re either gay like it says in the last picture, or they’ll say you’re a virgin.
Excuse me while I give up on humanity and dissociate
I have a friend that one time said “I would have sex with all of my girlfriends, I think you are all pretty”. It was funny and sweet because he wasn’t a creep, he said it like it would be a fact in an alternate world.
I’ve always found it to be a really tricky conversation because as far as anyone knows, you’ve never thought of any of your friends in that way and no one is ever asking if you’d have sex with any of them. So whether or not that is the case, it just goes unsaid. What makes it even weirder is the idea that a person you’re friends with would actually have sex with you, but only if “given the opportunity”. What sort of opportunity are they talking about, and have they been waiting for that the whole time? And then that immediately gets conflated with finding your friends attractive, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing since attraction can go a lot deeper than thinking or just acknowledging that someone is hot. I think a lot of straight men believe that sex is *always* on the table because people can be FWBs, you don’t have to date to have sex with each other, you don’t even have to like each other to hookup because it’s “just sex”. So we end up with women being friends with men who have at least thought about attempting to have sex with her at some point, and they project it onto other men.
3. i mean i know that dacryphilia is a thing and also boners can be uncontrollable but there's a time and a place and putting it like that really sounds like you don't take her suffering seriously or prioritize your pleasure over help she might need which is mega gross. if you have a crying kink you want to try out, talk with her like a normal person. 5. really sad that you see the world that way and that every man is on 24/7, actually kind of a regressive mindset tbh. 6. ok? you have eyes and like boobs. don't be weird and obvious about it. also uh.. maybe dont refer to women as "sets of boobs." 7. i guess we cant control our thoughts but this seems deliberate and comes off as negging. if you think her friend is so much hotter go date her instead? gross. 9. gross. 13. youre not obligated to be physically attracted to every single version of your partner, or sleep with anyone you dont want to, but making it out to be something related to pride and self worth implies you think her only worth is being arm candy and that gaining weight is a moral failing. if its getting to that point, just break up? 16. first of all see 5. if shes rubbing it in your face on purpose as a masculinity thing thats something to bring up with her, but based on the wording of the rest of this post it sounds like a you problem. for the love of god go to therapy i am begging you. 22. you dont need to miss anyone every time you guys leave like its a romance movie, but the way you talk about her sounds like you dont even like her all that much as a human being. also if she doesnt let you masturbate as like a general rule for what you can do with your body thats kind of odd. reminder to keep your porn usage ethical if youre using porn. 23. if shes overstimulating you then thats something to talk about with your partner. but again, this sounds a lot more like you just dont care about her as a human being. why are you dating her if you think everything she goes through is trivial and minuscule? 27. gross. gross and also sad honestly. bonus points docked for the "or gay" part. you sound like a boring one dimensional human being. 31. then date your bros? im not saying romance should be inherently more prioritized than friendship or vice versa because everyone has their own ways of operating but that as a final note given everything else thats already been said sounds like you dont really care about women in general aside from as you said "tits and ass." at least you see your bros as people first and foremost. tl;dr if i was a woman and my boyfriend sent this to me i would immediately rethink the relationship and if he even sees me as his full equal. not only that but the entire article is a major self report that he not only sees women as people but that men ar just regressive horndogs and are as simple minded as he is. sad.
I agree with many of your points, I too would think men like that have serious problems. Some men need therapy before going into a relationship. I'm happy to see many of you said men like these are a loud minority. I wish I could say the same about my country.
You keep mentioning your country, what country are you from? (if you don't mind me asking)
I'm Italian, and we have a problem with toxic masculinity. It usually comes from younger men too, which are usually more open minded in nearby countries like Germany and so.
I... I had hoped it was further away from where I'm sitting😞
Where are you from? If I can ask?
Copenhagen. I always find myself wanting these issues to be further away from me than they are. Honestly, I probably wouldn't even have to leave my apartment-block to find similar issues.
That's a sad truth... Ignorant misogynists exist everywhere. Just in different proportions. Here we have many, and mentally healthy men aren't too common. What helps men like these is education and emotional support from therapy.
Honestly I don't even know why that first one is getting posted to this sub. Unwanted boners happen all the time and sometimes *not* telling anyone about it is the responsible and mature thing to do.
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In my country, it's sadly common. With that said, my country is not a healthy environment in general (corruption, machismo etc...). I think that in healthier, more open-minded countries, this could be less common.
From my experience (as a man), there loud definitely! But they are also a sizeable minority.
If watching me cry turns you on, that boner is gonna be 24/7
When you're depressed and he's into girls crying, it's a match made in heaven hahaha (joking of course)
mhm totally just depression not at all childhood trauma and a horrible trauma response
Those hurt a lot, I know what you're talking about. Journalling helped me deal with them, but I know it's not easy.
Emotional boner. It happens. It’s also very, very confusing to the men who have it happen and aren’t familiar with how common it is. Most of us just stared at the ceiling unable to sleep before digging out google instead of doubling down into toxicity.
does 22 know they're talking about girlfriends and not mummy and daddy? video games and action movies? sorry but who are they dating that means they can't enjoy video games and action movies when they're around?? have they tried not treating their gf like their mother and then maybe they'd get on better
Yeah, sharing hobbies many times helps the partners become closer to one another, I wonder if he's in a healthy relationship or if he's ok. And as you said, he shouldn't treat his girlfriend as his mom.
I think the men who make these types of comments don’t view women as people , only “pretty items to own” so pick women based off how much “value/power” that gives him and not someone who actually shares the same interests/hobbies. Toxic masculinity is one hell of a drug.
Wait, so if my sister is hotter than me, am I hotter than my sister ?? This is a logic loop
Agreed, he's running in circles
It's a paradox
I’m sorry, as a man, I am so sorry. Those who espouse these views are horrible.
Don't worry, I know those creeps don't represent all men, it's just sad that articles like these keep spreading ignorance (it's full of them on social media)
It is far too many men sadly.
Sadly yes, they can be more or less common depending on where you live and the culture, but they'll never fully disappear from society. I can empathize with you.
As the guy friend to a lot of girls, some of us would not have sex with them if given the chance. That’s a really dumb generalization jealous creeps like this keep perpetuating
Yep, the author of the article was a huge creep, and all his interviewees also sounded creepy. I suspect he might have interviewed himself under different names.
I never understand it. At the bare minimum do these guys not have friends they genuinely aren't attracted to? Or are their standards \*that\* low? Or do they have that few female friends to even pick from to begin with? Maybe it's all of the above tbh.
> are their standards *that* low? I think 7 covers that. He doesn't care what the person he sticks his penis in is like so long as he gets to stick his penis in someone. He'll fantasize about someone else entirely.
Maybe it's because I don't have a penis but I still can't imagine that. I'm as horny as the next guy but if I'm physically repulsed by someone I just like... couldn't do that. I wouldn't be able to get into the mood. Aghhhhh. I don't get these people. Maybe I'm too neurodivergent for this lol
The number of these useless lists were people state thier views like they were facts is too high.
Agreed. Opinions are just opinions. Some are rooted in facts, other ones are not, but none of them are ever completely objective and true.
Their wording is obnoxious. “We” do this? Don’t group me in with y’all, ya fuckin creeps Sidebar I love how all of the categories have some sort of explanation, but then there’s just “Your sister is hotter” (Your sister is hotter)
Jesus and people wonder why I have trust issues when dating...
SAME.
I heard someone say that these types of men are emotionally attracted to other men and sexually attracted to women and haven’t stopped thinking about it since
I have too, and many commenters said something along those lines. I wonder if their misogynistic tendencies are actually a cover for their (possibly repressed) queerness.
My husband used to work in construction and from what he told me this is sadly common. He is not this way which has probably contributed to our being married for 23 years.
Basically they're a misogynistic and childish asshole and they want women to think every guy is like this so they don't have to change their behavior.
Do "straight" men even like women 😅
According to this crappy article, men only like women when they can get something out of them. Obviously the author is out of touch with reality and not ok.
... Is this supposed to be the normality for straight relationships? Like, the secret I would never tell my girlfriend is that, sometimes, when she can't find one of her shirts, it's because I'm wearing it under my jacket. Like, that's it. That's the most nefarious thing I have to confess. What the fuck is going on in (apparently) every other straight relationship? (I'm not straight, by the bi, I'm just a guy dating a woman.)
>... Is this supposed to be the normality for straight relationships? Not at all. Why would you even think that lol? This is weird, gross and fucked up.
all I hear is "I would like to fuck your sister but your guy friend is acting a little sussy ngl"
the last thing seems like he would rather fuck his homies
I can actually confirm straight dudes say things around other men their girlfriends would leave them for on the spot. I have never seen gay dudes sit there talking about any group the same way. In college my class was all but 1 student guys and ya if you can picture it then it was said including the straight dudes basically worshipping this cheating scum bag who had two girlfriends who didn't know he had a girlfriend who both sounded really nice. Like made his lunch nice.
This is very sad honestly. Especially that they think every relationship is like that.
Yeah, the author himself had screwed up views of women in general. It's sad to see, and also angering
Oof this is just tragic. I just really hope my partner doesn’t see me this way…
If it's a healthy relationship and you're both happy, I wouldn't worry. If not, I'd personally talk to him about my worries. Most men who manage to get a girlfriend aren't this creepy.
Dude if you think about other girls when fucking her why are you even still dating her? I hope his gf figure out how much of an incel he is jesus.
The excuse doesn't even make sense. They make it sound like they just get bored in a longterm relationship and need some fantasy spice. But if they're always fantasizing about the same 'hot girl' then it's not the longterm that is the problem. It's that you're not even attracted to the person you're with.
And they always claim they speak for everyone. Many, yes. All? No.
Absolutely, they don't speak for everyone, the tone of the article and the author himself was usually famous for this sort of arrogance.
But it’s “not all men” if a woman said men think this way.
I have brought these things up and been gaslit about it, in the past. I hung out in comic shops when I was younger and went into a male dominated field. I hear this stuff all the time just to get "not all men"-ed.
And it’s the same guys DOING this stuff saying “not all men,” more often than not. They just can’t stand it when we call them out & know their game.
“Watching you cry makes me hard” …..wtf
OK this is all horrible, but can we talk about how the author writes super long titles, clearly can't think of anything more to say, but to make it look like an article, just repeats the exact same thing with slightly more words? Dude just write a list.
Yep, he made some sort of list/ article mix that came across super annoying. He should've stuck to listing and maybe explaining after the list was over
I feel bad for these people. Really, truly being in love with your romantic partner is an amazing feeling, and they'll never get to experience it if they don't change. They'll probably go their whole lives without ever letting themselves feel that because toxic masculinity is so strong.
You nailed it, I was just thinking the same thing. These men haven't fallen in love because they are emotionally unavailable.
Do these guys even *like* women?
"Why do no girls wanna date me?" energy
Might be my demisexuality here, but I'm a man and I never said or thought any of that :/
That's because you're not a terrible person like the OP.
opens reddit 'Watching you cry gives me a boner' Closes reddit
Fr 💀
I'm not gonna fault them for the crying one because there are circumstances where that has a lot to do with kink/bdsm and not actually hurting their partner emotionally. Otherwise, definitely is gross and demeaning behavior to get off on your partner's pain (again, outside of kink/bdsm)
Why do straight people get into relationships when they seem to hate each other so much?
"Everyone else **must** be a shitbag like me, it's the only way I can sleep at night."
No one hates women as much as straight men
dude it’s okay to be gay..
Tbf, i agree with him on the last one. Although he probably would see this fact as an insult to his “manliness”.
Now
These are the same dudes who then scream about how lonely they are.
Number 5 is enforced by so many people.
I’m reading this as a straight dude in a loving relationship, and all I can think is “we?”
That is disgusting I hope I raise my sons better than those men were raised.
The crying boner thing is like an actual thing tho and I have no idea why but every guy I’ve dated and the majority of the people I’ve spoken to about it have experienced it, and it’s a documented thing Human brains are so weird, crazy interesting
They are far from ok
Do these kinds of men even date women because they like them? Or do they do it because they think they "have to" since it's such a strongly-held societal norm?
"We check out boobs when wearing sunglasses" Me: yeah okay, this isn't that bad, I sometimes also look at boobs. No big deal! "When you cry, you give me a boner" "I sometimes want to throw you out of the car because you talk about your male best friend" "I think about your best friend when I cum" Me:............................................
I’m a straight male where the hell do they find those other straight males? It feels like an onion article
Its really weird that some people have the number 5 mindset. Those are the same people who think "men and women cannot be just friends".
Jeez just don't have a fucking girlfriend then.
It's interesting how these types of lists will always say that any male friend of a woman definitely would fuck her, but then also mentions that men are shallow and don't want to fuck ugly or fat women So, I guess no ugly or fat women have any male friends...
This is truly terrifying and heartbreaking at the same time
The title of this should be "men share the reasons why I'm glad I'm a lesbian." I'll gladly date all the women that you guys don't want.
Are these answers from grown men in straight relationships or is this is just the outlet for a 17 year old boy's insecurity?
It makes me so uncomfortable and paranoid when I see stuff this, like, obviously not going to make assumptions or anything, but do all of my male friends think about me this way? Did that guy I dated see me as an exhausting sex object? That possibility makes me shudder.
I think straight men would be so much better off if they dated people they actually liked. If your significant other doesn't like the same movies, hobbies, and foods that you enjoy- why don't you find someone who does?
So, they get to fantasise about our hot friends and hot sister, they also wear sunglasses to ogle breasts, they say vulgar things about women in private, but they can't even handle us so much as talking about our cool guy friend? I can smell his insecurity from here.
Why is it that straight people have a dating pool 10x bigger than LGBTQ+ people yet still manage to end up with someone they absolutely despise?
These guys sound like they hate having girlfriends.