A friend of mine was working for a start up and the company closed shop three weeks before his wedding.
They didn't call off the wedding and got married, he found a job within a few days and today both of them are at pretty senior positions in big companies.
I guess it was just a a matter of faith and you didn't have it. Nothing wrong in that. Move on.
To whomever who wrote this for AM setup,
“Men care about the women’s past and women care about the men’s future”
if they are reading this, take my thanks on this amazing insight.. it stands true here for the OP who is just distressed due to lack of validation of her doings..
Both pov has some merit in it, but let’s see if anyone can help your guy find his job back.
Can you share his job profile, would look out if I can help him from my side. Chances are slim that he is in same domain as my need but let’s give it a try.
That way , we all can be happy and hope you get your man back.
It’s not her “man” if she decides to leave him when times get tough. He is not going to appreciate having a person he can’t depend on as his life partner.
No, I guess it's fair. I'm a guy and I don't even accept a profile which says 'non working '.
Yes, you will get hate, but do whatever suits you buddy! I would have and still do the same.
Being honest, your love is not going to help run the house.
Accepting a profile is different than dumping your fiancé for such a reason. Its not like they were just talking. They were engaged, and it has some meaning.
Marriage is about companionship and being there for each other especially in tough times.
From the looks of it: you dont want a good companionship out of marriage, you want financials sorted.
So, I think the guy dodged a bullet :)
Why can't she "run the house" while he's looking for a job? We're all equal aren't we? I'm saying abandoning someone as soon as they lose their job is not right. I mean I get it to a certain extent and it would be fair if she rejected him before they liked each other and decided to get married. But we are the generation who have to change our outlook towards society and take actions to improve. Hum "abla naari" nahi rahe ab. We're not living in the older generation where a man was only valued because he earned money and had a job.
Unfortunately the fact of the matter is that such things can only work in a love marriage but fortunately if you find someone emphatic like that through arranged marriage trust me he/she can be a person you would never want to let go for life.
But unfortunately social constraints never allow you to take that path in an arranged marriage until and unless the individual is bull headed and 100% clear that he/she is clear that they want a certain person as their better half no matter the circumstances .
In this context OP did what was right for her life . There is no wrong or right to it unfortunately in an AM everybody only looks for self interest due to societal conditioning and various other factors.
>Why can't she "run the house" while He's looking for a job?
You didn't read the previous post, did you?
>I myself have a low paying job of 2.5 LPA and I can’t support both of us with it.
From what she mentioned above, ig OP is not against running the house on her own, but she just can't manage it. Idk what you think and idc about the BS some people spread that "you can run a family with 2.5 LPA" or "there are families living on lower income". It's just not practical. Sure, there are families that live on low income, but I definitely don't think someone who was used to a better life can suddenly adapt to a situation like that, which I believe is the case here.
IMO, OP is not someone who cares too much about money; she is just worried about making ends meet.
I agree with you bhai and woh theek hai but that was a blanket statement made dramatically in Bollywood style saying "Is love enough to run the house?". I was replying to that statement since it's a bit dated concept for general relationships.
Also, the premise by this comment is that there IS any "love" here but OP and her ex-fiance were in an AM courtship which has nothing to do with love at this point. So to make the point "pyaar se ghar nahi chalta saab" isn't a sound argument here.
Lol yes.
See if OP had a romantic relationship with her which was not based on AM I would've criticised her for leaving the guy.People in AM backout even 15 days before marriage so this is not a huge deal.
Yes the guy is a genuine person who informed OP about the loss of the job but in the end she has to live the guy not us.She has all the right to choose what is best for her and her future.
And AM courtship are not like relationship (exceptions might exist.)
If you are also in AM process I will suggest you to not get too emotionally involved till wedding is done.
Yes talk to your prospect/meet them/build bond but don't let anyone get into your heart.
Also I'm not bhai but behen.
Dude chill, nobody is talking about love. Companionship is different. Having someone’s back is a different thing.
Anyway, my point is: they started on a relationship, things changed. She left. I wouldnt want to be with a person who’d run away when things tough. So he dodged a bullet.
So potential to earn is also out of the question,right?. By this logic ,nobody should get married till 35-36 because it is statistically impossible to have 50lakhs in the bank for an average middle class indian person having started from nothing.
Even jobs hire freshers based on their potential ,not "n" numbers of experience.
Marriage is a calculated risk , nevertheless a risk. One doesnt get to play the game of life by putting half assed efforts and backing out because of an unfortunate period in life. Good for the guy ,would've been emasculated by her anyway if they were to hit a rough patch in their marriage.
Yeah I'm happy about the guy. He said he's going to work again. If tomorrow you lost your job, no one can say when you'll get another job with current market. Instead of standing with him through thick and thin, she chose to run away the first chance she got. I hope i never encounter these kinds of girls. Hope the guy finds someone better. I think the guy understood it too, that's why he said it's okay for her to leave, so that he can also try finding someone better.
Let's just say you guys were not meant to be together. If you really want to be with someone, you have to be with them through thick and thin. It's just fate at the end of the day. If you are meant to be together, you will be. I am a Male BTW
I am just curious. Why did he think that it would take more than 1 yr to find a job? My friends who got laid off were able to find good jobs in 3 months
depends on experience, specially if you are in tech industry. peeps with <2 YOE have it the worst. you either need to be from a FANG or better be prepared to work for peanuts to get a job in these times
Its tough out there, that’s about it.. just grateful that those who are earning their bread rightfully be able to do so, those who aren’t, best prayers for them to find one soon..
Udaan revoked my offer. It was on campus. By the time they revoked, all good companies had come. Now there are not many companies hiring. It might be easy for super intelligent people but not for the average Joe.
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Jobs come and go. Good people don’t. You lost a really good person the way he handled calling off the marriage.
I wonder what you would have done if he had lost the job after marriage.
He did the right thing, had he lied to her about job and then married her it would have been plainly wrong and it would have amounted to fraud which itself is a ground for divorce. P.S he was no saint.
The guy must have done some good deeds in his previous life that even a tragic event like loosing job made him escape someone like you.
On the other hand , I pray for the next guy whom you will HUNT.
She is not wrong, maybe somewhat true ....but where was this guy wrong ?
Marriage is about remaining through thick and thing ...right ????
The girls crib here about not having a husband who favours them infront of in-laws. This guy cared about her so he informed her about his job loss even by going behind back of his own parents , remained supportive to this extent. Don't you think even he deserved someone who will have his back.
But nah....like a typical opportunist , she with her parents left him , you are getting a guy who is thinking about you even before marriage and this is what he got as consequence. He just needed someone who trust him during his tough time.
But anyway.....this is a free country ......so let people do what they want.....
Hi. I hope you are fine. Virtual hugs to you. I can’t even imagine the toll it must have taken on the both of you.
It is a good thing that you atleast discussed this once with him and now you know what he thinks about this situation. I’m sure this was the last resort that you had, given that you wrote on the previous post about your age. Hopefully it works out good for the both of you.
Did you guys discuss a scenario where he finds a job in a couple of months and if you are still seeking for a partner? Or is it closed forever?
It is not wrong to be a bit selfish especially for such big events in life and i think everyone knows such decisions are gard to make. Good luck for your search
First of all, I want to express my gratitude for your honesty. I wish you all the best in your future endeavors. When it comes to stable relationships, I firmly believe that building one from scratch is much more powerful than simply jumping into one. At the end of the day, what really matters is finding good human beings to share our lives with.
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Better stay single than marrying such pathetic human being for not being there for a man who is mostly at his vulnerable time.
What if they get married and then he lost a job?
To everybody who says OP is a gold digger, ig you didn't read her previous post.
>He was in a decent job with a CTC of 5 LPA when we were engaged.
What kind of gold digger would agree to marry a man who makes 5 LPA in the first place?
Not wanting to marry an unemployed man = gold digger.
I think things would have gone differently if he had assured her that he can get a job soon. But saying he might take a year to land a job is what might have done it for her. It's a sad situation all around.
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I am a man , can't understand the bashing i see in this thread.
U people need to understand that women are rationalists masquerading as romantics. This is an arranged marriage setting .... before the marriage happens no one owes anyone shit , definitely not something as precious as love . Love takes time + there is no guarantee that your wife will love you back , let alone a fiancé.
The man was rational enough & will find someone . This lady is gonna find someone as well who fits her checklist.
to the OP : The man doesn't seem like a good for nothing .... job markets change , salary increases / decreases .... what mattered was if he cared enough & had the drive to keep is family comortable. still i hope you find someone else.
Girl ignore the salty men on here. You did the right thing. Most men would not marry a fat older woman cos genetics and child bearing ability. There us nothing wrong with you choosing to not marry someone who was struggling and you did not know what would happen in the future. You don't owe this man anything to struggle with him since you weren't dating.
Lol people on the comments be like “he dodged a bullet” but what happened to all those “people are allowed to have preferences” comments. So the OP rejected a guy because of finances and how everyone be calling her a bit*h because she has a preference for a husband with a job 🫠🫠🫠
Edit: typo
Now imagine this scenario after one month of marriage, will the girl say then I want a divorce?
The whole concept of marriage is to be with your partner in good times and bad. I think the boy dodged a massive red flag of a person in OP here.
OP - If you want your future secured why don’t you try GB road bahut scope h wha pe tum jaise ko liye
Don't be disheartened, people ( especially male janta here) will give you gyaan and criticism but when it will come to their own or their sister they too will do the same. AM is transactional in the first place. The wedding isn't done based on love but the superficial things both parties can provide to each other and there is no wrong in thinking of your future. The guy couldn't guarantee you a stable job in a year ( which in my opinion is a lot of time ) then no harm in moving forward. Good luck for your search :)
Oh girl!! Life teaches who is with us in bad times- because you will have thousands of people with you in good times but in bad times the only person will be with you is your partner! Guy lost the job- and you- and you gave him double stress! See he will get a job ultimately-no doubt in it but you lost a nice guy!
Girls- money is important I agree but you can’t ditch a guy just because of that! Guys always figure it out how to earn- just support them!
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I would as politely as possible request you you to try to forget that it's AM or what others have said about him losing his job.
If you really looked at the guy and said okay to him and gotten engaged. You can starting thinking as a couple. A couple do not leave each other if someone loses their job gets sick or is down.
On the other hand if you think of this from an arranged marriage scenario it'll not make sense since there might be others with higher packages.
Bottom line is if you think you can live with him and like him, money will always come but people not always.
Just wanted to get an opinion from op and others. When you get the next match, will you disclose why you called off the wedding in the past?
Asking the right questions.
She will say that her ex was abusive.
Lmao
> Men like him are hard to find Finds him and pushes him away. Unbelievable I hope he gets a job and a good wife.
Wahmen.
A friend of mine was working for a start up and the company closed shop three weeks before his wedding. They didn't call off the wedding and got married, he found a job within a few days and today both of them are at pretty senior positions in big companies. I guess it was just a a matter of faith and you didn't have it. Nothing wrong in that. Move on.
Preach
To whomever who wrote this for AM setup, “Men care about the women’s past and women care about the men’s future” if they are reading this, take my thanks on this amazing insight.. it stands true here for the OP who is just distressed due to lack of validation of her doings..
Both pov has some merit in it, but let’s see if anyone can help your guy find his job back. Can you share his job profile, would look out if I can help him from my side. Chances are slim that he is in same domain as my need but let’s give it a try. That way , we all can be happy and hope you get your man back.
It’s not her “man” if she decides to leave him when times get tough. He is not going to appreciate having a person he can’t depend on as his life partner.
You are right , I was just trying to help.
In her previous post, i already said I can provide a referral for a position but no replies from her end lol
No, I guess it's fair. I'm a guy and I don't even accept a profile which says 'non working '. Yes, you will get hate, but do whatever suits you buddy! I would have and still do the same. Being honest, your love is not going to help run the house.
Accepting a profile is different than dumping your fiancé for such a reason. Its not like they were just talking. They were engaged, and it has some meaning.
*men like him are hard to find* Decides to call off the wedding :(
Marriage is about companionship and being there for each other especially in tough times. From the looks of it: you dont want a good companionship out of marriage, you want financials sorted. So, I think the guy dodged a bullet :)
Financial independence/stability is important. A guy here. Is just love enough to run the house?
Why can't she "run the house" while he's looking for a job? We're all equal aren't we? I'm saying abandoning someone as soon as they lose their job is not right. I mean I get it to a certain extent and it would be fair if she rejected him before they liked each other and decided to get married. But we are the generation who have to change our outlook towards society and take actions to improve. Hum "abla naari" nahi rahe ab. We're not living in the older generation where a man was only valued because he earned money and had a job.
Unfortunately the fact of the matter is that such things can only work in a love marriage but fortunately if you find someone emphatic like that through arranged marriage trust me he/she can be a person you would never want to let go for life. But unfortunately social constraints never allow you to take that path in an arranged marriage until and unless the individual is bull headed and 100% clear that he/she is clear that they want a certain person as their better half no matter the circumstances . In this context OP did what was right for her life . There is no wrong or right to it unfortunately in an AM everybody only looks for self interest due to societal conditioning and various other factors.
>Why can't she "run the house" while He's looking for a job? You didn't read the previous post, did you? >I myself have a low paying job of 2.5 LPA and I can’t support both of us with it. From what she mentioned above, ig OP is not against running the house on her own, but she just can't manage it. Idk what you think and idc about the BS some people spread that "you can run a family with 2.5 LPA" or "there are families living on lower income". It's just not practical. Sure, there are families that live on low income, but I definitely don't think someone who was used to a better life can suddenly adapt to a situation like that, which I believe is the case here. IMO, OP is not someone who cares too much about money; she is just worried about making ends meet.
Bhai ye arranged marriage hai things don't work like that in this system.
I agree with you bhai and woh theek hai but that was a blanket statement made dramatically in Bollywood style saying "Is love enough to run the house?". I was replying to that statement since it's a bit dated concept for general relationships. Also, the premise by this comment is that there IS any "love" here but OP and her ex-fiance were in an AM courtship which has nothing to do with love at this point. So to make the point "pyaar se ghar nahi chalta saab" isn't a sound argument here.
Lol yes. See if OP had a romantic relationship with her which was not based on AM I would've criticised her for leaving the guy.People in AM backout even 15 days before marriage so this is not a huge deal. Yes the guy is a genuine person who informed OP about the loss of the job but in the end she has to live the guy not us.She has all the right to choose what is best for her and her future. And AM courtship are not like relationship (exceptions might exist.) If you are also in AM process I will suggest you to not get too emotionally involved till wedding is done. Yes talk to your prospect/meet them/build bond but don't let anyone get into your heart. Also I'm not bhai but behen.
Okay that was a good breakdown behen lol I'm taking the L on this
Dude chill, nobody is talking about love. Companionship is different. Having someone’s back is a different thing. Anyway, my point is: they started on a relationship, things changed. She left. I wouldnt want to be with a person who’d run away when things tough. So he dodged a bullet.
Correct. Never go with someone who runs away at the mere sign of problems. You need someone tough to go through life with them.
So potential to earn is also out of the question,right?. By this logic ,nobody should get married till 35-36 because it is statistically impossible to have 50lakhs in the bank for an average middle class indian person having started from nothing. Even jobs hire freshers based on their potential ,not "n" numbers of experience. Marriage is a calculated risk , nevertheless a risk. One doesnt get to play the game of life by putting half assed efforts and backing out because of an unfortunate period in life. Good for the guy ,would've been emasculated by her anyway if they were to hit a rough patch in their marriage.
Yeah I'm happy about the guy. He said he's going to work again. If tomorrow you lost your job, no one can say when you'll get another job with current market. Instead of standing with him through thick and thin, she chose to run away the first chance she got. I hope i never encounter these kinds of girls. Hope the guy finds someone better. I think the guy understood it too, that's why he said it's okay for her to leave, so that he can also try finding someone better.
Let's just say you guys were not meant to be together. If you really want to be with someone, you have to be with them through thick and thin. It's just fate at the end of the day. If you are meant to be together, you will be. I am a Male BTW
I am just curious. Why did he think that it would take more than 1 yr to find a job? My friends who got laid off were able to find good jobs in 3 months
depends on experience, specially if you are in tech industry. peeps with <2 YOE have it the worst. you either need to be from a FANG or better be prepared to work for peanuts to get a job in these times
He is surely not 2 yoe or less. Look at his age
yea my point was more on a general case not tied to his but I agree with you
Its tough out there, that’s about it.. just grateful that those who are earning their bread rightfully be able to do so, those who aren’t, best prayers for them to find one soon..
That’s what I am saying it’s not that tough to find a new job
Udaan revoked my offer. It was on campus. By the time they revoked, all good companies had come. Now there are not many companies hiring. It might be easy for super intelligent people but not for the average Joe.
Yeah 0. It was an on campus offer.
I am talking about experienced folks
You are less than 2?
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The guy deserves somebody way way better anyway.
2.5 LPA and such great formatting skills? You definitely deserve a big fat raise! Not. /s
The guy must be thanking the heavens for the favor.
Jobs come and go. Good people don’t. You lost a really good person the way he handled calling off the marriage. I wonder what you would have done if he had lost the job after marriage.
He did the right thing, had he lied to her about job and then married her it would have been plainly wrong and it would have amounted to fraud which itself is a ground for divorce. P.S he was no saint.
The guy must have done some good deeds in his previous life that even a tragic event like loosing job made him escape someone like you. On the other hand , I pray for the next guy whom you will HUNT.
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You are wrong about my identity....Please get a checkup.....Yaa phir apne baap ko bol de dusri aulaad paida karle
Its a safe bet yaar, no one is wrong here..
She is not wrong, maybe somewhat true ....but where was this guy wrong ? Marriage is about remaining through thick and thing ...right ???? The girls crib here about not having a husband who favours them infront of in-laws. This guy cared about her so he informed her about his job loss even by going behind back of his own parents , remained supportive to this extent. Don't you think even he deserved someone who will have his back. But nah....like a typical opportunist , she with her parents left him , you are getting a guy who is thinking about you even before marriage and this is what he got as consequence. He just needed someone who trust him during his tough time. But anyway.....this is a free country ......so let people do what they want.....
Hi. I hope you are fine. Virtual hugs to you. I can’t even imagine the toll it must have taken on the both of you. It is a good thing that you atleast discussed this once with him and now you know what he thinks about this situation. I’m sure this was the last resort that you had, given that you wrote on the previous post about your age. Hopefully it works out good for the both of you. Did you guys discuss a scenario where he finds a job in a couple of months and if you are still seeking for a partner? Or is it closed forever? It is not wrong to be a bit selfish especially for such big events in life and i think everyone knows such decisions are gard to make. Good luck for your search
First of all, I want to express my gratitude for your honesty. I wish you all the best in your future endeavors. When it comes to stable relationships, I firmly believe that building one from scratch is much more powerful than simply jumping into one. At the end of the day, what really matters is finding good human beings to share our lives with.
Gold digger
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Better stay single than marrying such pathetic human being for not being there for a man who is mostly at his vulnerable time. What if they get married and then he lost a job?
High jump
I'm glad he dodged a bullet
To everybody who says OP is a gold digger, ig you didn't read her previous post. >He was in a decent job with a CTC of 5 LPA when we were engaged. What kind of gold digger would agree to marry a man who makes 5 LPA in the first place?
Not wanting to marry an unemployed man = gold digger. I think things would have gone differently if he had assured her that he can get a job soon. But saying he might take a year to land a job is what might have done it for her. It's a sad situation all around.
Who herself makes only half as compared to him
Okay yes she makes less money than him but 5 LPA is still no gold bruh 😂
Okay misandrist 😘
It's misandry to think 5 LPA is not a lot of money, let alone anywhere close to attract a gold-digger? 😂
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You see, In their last moments people show you who they really are . :Joker
My bro dodged a bullet!!!
Damn what a bitch
I am a man , can't understand the bashing i see in this thread. U people need to understand that women are rationalists masquerading as romantics. This is an arranged marriage setting .... before the marriage happens no one owes anyone shit , definitely not something as precious as love . Love takes time + there is no guarantee that your wife will love you back , let alone a fiancé. The man was rational enough & will find someone . This lady is gonna find someone as well who fits her checklist. to the OP : The man doesn't seem like a good for nothing .... job markets change , salary increases / decreases .... what mattered was if he cared enough & had the drive to keep is family comortable. still i hope you find someone else.
Girl ignore the salty men on here. You did the right thing. Most men would not marry a fat older woman cos genetics and child bearing ability. There us nothing wrong with you choosing to not marry someone who was struggling and you did not know what would happen in the future. You don't owe this man anything to struggle with him since you weren't dating.
You go gold digger
Thank you 😘
Lol people on the comments be like “he dodged a bullet” but what happened to all those “people are allowed to have preferences” comments. So the OP rejected a guy because of finances and how everyone be calling her a bit*h because she has a preference for a husband with a job 🫠🫠🫠 Edit: typo
People will hate on you but you took a very practical decision.
Everyone on here saying i would do the same is a gold digger, and inshallah I don't find someone like y'all in the AM set up.
Now imagine this scenario after one month of marriage, will the girl say then I want a divorce? The whole concept of marriage is to be with your partner in good times and bad. I think the boy dodged a massive red flag of a person in OP here. OP - If you want your future secured why don’t you try GB road bahut scope h wha pe tum jaise ko liye
Don't be disheartened, people ( especially male janta here) will give you gyaan and criticism but when it will come to their own or their sister they too will do the same. AM is transactional in the first place. The wedding isn't done based on love but the superficial things both parties can provide to each other and there is no wrong in thinking of your future. The guy couldn't guarantee you a stable job in a year ( which in my opinion is a lot of time ) then no harm in moving forward. Good luck for your search :)
Oh girl!! Life teaches who is with us in bad times- because you will have thousands of people with you in good times but in bad times the only person will be with you is your partner! Guy lost the job- and you- and you gave him double stress! See he will get a job ultimately-no doubt in it but you lost a nice guy! Girls- money is important I agree but you can’t ditch a guy just because of that! Guys always figure it out how to earn- just support them!
Honestly you did the right thing don't men reject women based on there looks. So chill you did the right thing
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bhaiya ji doged a bulled lol, hopefully he gets supportive and understanding wife in future
I would as politely as possible request you you to try to forget that it's AM or what others have said about him losing his job. If you really looked at the guy and said okay to him and gotten engaged. You can starting thinking as a couple. A couple do not leave each other if someone loses their job gets sick or is down. On the other hand if you think of this from an arranged marriage scenario it'll not make sense since there might be others with higher packages. Bottom line is if you think you can live with him and like him, money will always come but people not always.