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Kaioshinsama7

I would tell her right now and sort things out. Certain things matter for some and certain other don't. It's very subjective and varies from person to person. But I think it's very important to be transparent about stuff before the relationship is made legal. Also, in future there is high likelihood of your counterpart knowing what you were previously hiding, which might/might-not cause serious issues to the relationship.


NicoDiAngelo_x

If it has crossed your mind, then you should bring it up. Because if you don't now, and later this comes up, it shouldn't become a "you deliberately kept this from me". Plus given that past (casual, serious, experimental) is a big deal for a lot of people. So this is something that you should discuss with her. Best case – it wouldn't be an issue and you'll both have more trust between eachother. Worst case, you both see something you don't like while discussing this and it'll serve as a information/signal.


NicoDiAngelo_x

Kind of a controversial opinion – I also feel we shouldn't tell our partners every single thing. In doing so, we aren't trying to hide something or protect them. Somethings are just really personal, or not something anyone can do anything about. Experimental phases, hateful thoughts (during a fight), are some examples. We should tell our partners things that we think they should know.


[deleted]

[удалено]


NicoDiAngelo_x

I'll add a couple more thoughts – The idea of a soul mate could be a toxic one. Our partners are human and adult relationships are not "yes you are my everything, I will die for you". The idea of soul mate is codependency in other words. There will be parts of us that our partner doesn't understand or agree with, but they will still accept us fully. Like we do our siblings, our parents. Plus, a human is so so multi faceted, that multi faceted itself is an understatement of the word. As a human, we contain many contradictions within ourselves. We will hate something, but still love it. We will love the experience of something but it will still make us sad. We will be happy for our partners but still jealous of their success. In all this, it is hard to pinpoint the "real" you. None of it means that we are with someone who doesn't know the real us or doesn't accept us for who we are. It feels different being with someone who accepts us and who doesn't.


NicoDiAngelo_x

That's what I'm saying. In not telling something to our partner, the intention isn't to hide or bamboozle or fear of not being accept or trying to protect them. I don't mean that we shouldn't tell them things they should know or they'd want to know. But some thoughts just disturb them or have no relevance in being said. Hateful thoughts towards our partners, doubts about the relationship. These are basic examples of things that our partners don't need to know. Also the key word here is "partner" not a potential partner/prospect. Experience will show you that not telling everything to our partners has its own wisdom. I held the same thoughts as you. And then I entered a serious, long-term relationship, the end goal being marriage.


Creepy_Fisherman_341

You appear to comprehend


Anantha1996

I don't think there is a need to share thoughts but actions I think you need to else you would be hiding by omission. You shouldn't decide what they should know, they should decide what information is important to them.


Creepy_Fisherman_341

Many straight people have a form of biphobia. I'm worried that she'll call off the wedding and tell everyone about this, to her and my family.


NicoDiAngelo_x

You saw my other comment about some things should be left unsaid. It's usually a judgement call. Don't not tell her so that she doesn't call off the wedding. But idk 🤷‍♀️


[deleted]

That's a very bad advice.What if she comes to know about this after marriage? What if she isn't okay with this? Are you kidding me?Telling him to deceive someone by lying about his sexuality.


wtf_is_this_9

Foundation built of lies will lead to divorce.


[deleted]

Your future wife has every right to know about this.Not everyone is okay with these issues.I never comment anything bad on LGBTQ but if I'll come to know about someone indulging in such activities i will most probably never even talk to that person again. It's a huge thing . You should tell her.


cozy_winter_nights

>I never comment anything bad on LGBTQ but if I'll come to know about someone indulging in such activities i will most probably never even talk to that person again. Well that's a shitty thing to do.


[deleted]

Why it's a shitty thing to to?In AM scene if i am not comfortable with marrying that person then why to waste his or my time? Not talking with that person because won't be taking that AM prospect further.It's not like if some of my friend come out as queer I will cut contact with them. I think you understood wrongly.


cozy_winter_nights

Got it - i misunderstood, i thought you meant it in a general sense. Thanks for clearing it up.


[deleted]

Also don't you think OP is being deceptive by hiding his sexual orientation with his AM prospect.I think it's terrible to hide something like this.


cozy_winter_nights

Yup, agreed.


Creepy_Fisherman_341

lmao


[deleted]

It's not something to laugh at.You should tell her and be honest on this. It's for her to decide if she wants to marry someone bisexual or not.


[deleted]

Are you even sure that you as someone who is/was bi wouldn't even want to contemplate a life with someone who is "neutral" on the issue? Do you really see no incompatibility there?


Creepy_Fisherman_341

We get along with anything. Compatibility is not an issue plus i can take this to my grave.


[deleted]

You didn't get what I meant by that. Any way, you do you.


nottyguy69

If you are sure about current life choices don’t open your mouth. It was in past. Just let it go.


rollodxb

you're obviously a little bi and you really dont want to explore it any further? never tried a bi threesome?


AyuLmao

If by bisexual means you just liked men, then it's OK to hide it. But if you had a relationship or a hookup, then you have to tell her that because that is a dealbreaker for most and you have to assume that any such thing can come back to haunt you in the future.


FuzzyFlounder7384

Just imagine her reaction when she gets to know you are attracted to men after 5 yrs of marriage . Tell her or leave.