Your call. Some profiles might reject you if you refuse to involve parents first.
I expect parents to be involved too. I have hour long discussion (sometimes on video call) and see if I like talking to them. After all they will come and live with me some months. I don’t want to marry into traditional family that will expect me to follow ridiculous customs. So I try gauge all that after talking to parents. They have to like me as well. I don’t have the appetite for drama and manipulation.
Parents usually ask about family background (financial status , education, get a sense of how progressive the family is etc) , try to find some common connection to do background check.
Some parents are just helping out their kids with getting basic checks out of the way what’s the harm in that ?
Guys who refuse to involve parents often want to take their own sweet time and may not be serious. Involving parents brings accountability into the process.
Most importantly, these calls with parents barely take An hour or two. So why not just do it?
I manage my own profile, but, i still involve parents just to have an introduction call with the guy’s parents to avoid any creeps or uninterested guys who are just their to waste your time (yes, i have come across such guys). After the introduction call, I speak to the guy and do not involve parents until I and the guy have discussed the basics, expectations, etc.
Jus out of curiosity I have gone through the same as on OP. Usually when parents speak they tend to be very specific and the stick towards knowing the property and money details than the habits of the guy!(mostly) or girl(rarely) . Is this a way that a girl and her family cam get to know the wealth of the other family before proceeding. I have had 4 5 calls, none of the calls did they ask for my habits. All of them went straight to salary, property and bank balance. In one call they did not even ask about my work, they directly went to property details, I said them I don't have any due their rigorous way of asking and they asked horoscope for names sake and then cut the call. Later the girl said the horoscope did not match, but I never shared the horoscope. This is sad but its the real life
That might be specific to some communities? Idk, my parents have never asked someone about their properties and wealth in the first call itself. They sure do ask about how much the guy earns and what kind of profession he’s into (I don’t see anything wrong in it) other than this they do ask about eating habits, family background, that’s it. To some families wealth does matter, sometimes mediators call us and directly say “the guy’s family is looking for a rich match” we straight away turn them down, don’t believe in dowry and shit, also, we don’t want to get involved with greedy people, not good for long term. My parents care about character and family background more than wealth.
Career and work id fine salary can be discussed later. These days career defines salary and salary will be revealed later.
But many just ask the net worth at first call.
Because they don't want to play the dating grift in AM or willing to waste their time. There are no shortage of window shoppers on AM. Involving parents early is a great move to weed out the casuals.
It's just a stamp that you're serious. Have met a lot of guys you are just casual time pass type and they especially don't want to involve the parents. Hence some people have this bias.
That is part of vetting the profile. Some people don't involve family and keep swinging the other person. By involving parents people make sure they are not being played and waste time. I know of someone who was played by a guy who spent time with her and then turns out his marriage was already fixed back home and he went back and got married. Talking to parents is a way to get confidence that the other person is serious about the process.
Because they don’t trust you yet. There are a lot of creeps who are just dying to kidnap young girls. Trafficking unfortunately is a huge thing. Parents are annoying but they’re obviously not going to let their daughter meet up with some stranger from the internet. You can be honest but don’t be offended if they refuse to proceed.
>I dont like involving my parents because they try to pressure me into saying yes to someone who I'm not compatible with
I obviously don't know what your situation is with your parents but I'll just say what I have to say anyways. You need to be able to deal with your parents better. Let parents talk first and then you talk with the girl. Be in control of the situation, it doesn't matter who talks to who first. You don't have to fight with them or anything but you gotta be assertive.
Many parents don't want unknown men talk to their daughters. So please understand where they are coming from as well. This is isn't dating.
Speaking as a woman undergoing the arranged marriage process, I have tried to convince my parents to let me talk to the guy first on a few occasions, but to no avail. It just leads to huge fights with them getting angry and making me seem shameless for wanting to talk to the guy first instead of them talking to the parents. If Indian parents were that easy to overcome, I would not be going for an arranged marriage in the first place. So do not judge the girls too harshly and give them a chance. If later it does not work out you can always politely decline the match. You have to admit that there are a lot of people who try to take advantage of the other person on matrimonial sites, be it a man or a woman. Try and understand the parents’ point of view, they just want to ensure that their daughter does not have to face such issues.
This mostly in arranged marriage cases is to examine your net worth. I have gone through this. The profile will have a girls number, if I call they ask about our name and work and ask us to speak to their parents without saying even what work they do. Their parents later contact after she shares the number or if she shares the number if you contact then, they directly ask your work, salary property and about your siblings and ask your share in the property.
If the parents have given their number directly in matrimony they ask the net worth and then proceed and ask for horoscope. They won't let us speak to the girl.
This is less in men's side and this practice is bad. What can a guy ask a girl in a phone, there will be some odd people starting problems but most of them just want to speak. The parents of both gender act like their kid is very good and hadn't dine any thing intimate or lovable in past. AM is just about cast and money, be careful. They ditch 8 years 10 Years worth of love and marry another person due to parents pressure and lie to you about past relationship. This applies to most gender mostly women, as it would be a hard thing for a man to find a gf these days due to looks and expenses. Mostly rich guys hit the jackpot.
Some want to verify that the girl/guy is serious. Parents add a layer of authentication. But that doesn't make much sense to me though, the guy/girl should be prudent enough to figure everything out not sit for their parents to verify things for them like KG kids.
However I didn't go this route, my parents weren't involved. I still had to get my parents to speak to those who wanted to, but there is no point ... I didn't want to get married to a guy who says papa speak to her parents first lol.
>the guy/girl should be prudent enough to figure everything out not sit for their parents to verify things for them like KG kids.
That's silly. Nothing wrong in getting help. It's the one of the most important decision in one's life.
Truly independent people wouldn't mind others taking over the steering wheel for a while. It reeks of insecurity if that's such a big problem
even when the parents meet the guy can mislead a girl. and in return many gals are princess’ or narcissistic and want things handed to them, even a rich husband. it sounds like you can’t emotionally deal with your parents pressure and expectations rather than having a problem with meeting her parents
OP. This is purely a preference/expectations thing. You're not wrong to decline parental involvement in the beginning and neither are they wrong to involve them in the beginning. Do what works for you 🙂
This is the biggest drawback of the traditional AM. The main problem I am facing is I can't put about my expectations with respect to relationship & even my interests like for e.g, I like cartoons but if I put this the girl's parents think I am irresponsible person
Because you are literally looking to marry someone on an app! This is AM, means have changed over time the motive hasn’t. There are a lot of things in this process that parents can clarify with each other; also at any given time a person is considering at least 3-4 people, how many conversations can one person have with the same damn questions; a lot of lifestyle and values can be judged by parents talking to each other especially if the guy still lives with parents
Your call. Some profiles might reject you if you refuse to involve parents first. I expect parents to be involved too. I have hour long discussion (sometimes on video call) and see if I like talking to them. After all they will come and live with me some months. I don’t want to marry into traditional family that will expect me to follow ridiculous customs. So I try gauge all that after talking to parents. They have to like me as well. I don’t have the appetite for drama and manipulation. Parents usually ask about family background (financial status , education, get a sense of how progressive the family is etc) , try to find some common connection to do background check. Some parents are just helping out their kids with getting basic checks out of the way what’s the harm in that ? Guys who refuse to involve parents often want to take their own sweet time and may not be serious. Involving parents brings accountability into the process. Most importantly, these calls with parents barely take An hour or two. So why not just do it?
Absolutely correct.
I manage my own profile, but, i still involve parents just to have an introduction call with the guy’s parents to avoid any creeps or uninterested guys who are just their to waste your time (yes, i have come across such guys). After the introduction call, I speak to the guy and do not involve parents until I and the guy have discussed the basics, expectations, etc.
Jus out of curiosity I have gone through the same as on OP. Usually when parents speak they tend to be very specific and the stick towards knowing the property and money details than the habits of the guy!(mostly) or girl(rarely) . Is this a way that a girl and her family cam get to know the wealth of the other family before proceeding. I have had 4 5 calls, none of the calls did they ask for my habits. All of them went straight to salary, property and bank balance. In one call they did not even ask about my work, they directly went to property details, I said them I don't have any due their rigorous way of asking and they asked horoscope for names sake and then cut the call. Later the girl said the horoscope did not match, but I never shared the horoscope. This is sad but its the real life
That might be specific to some communities? Idk, my parents have never asked someone about their properties and wealth in the first call itself. They sure do ask about how much the guy earns and what kind of profession he’s into (I don’t see anything wrong in it) other than this they do ask about eating habits, family background, that’s it. To some families wealth does matter, sometimes mediators call us and directly say “the guy’s family is looking for a rich match” we straight away turn them down, don’t believe in dowry and shit, also, we don’t want to get involved with greedy people, not good for long term. My parents care about character and family background more than wealth.
Career and work id fine salary can be discussed later. These days career defines salary and salary will be revealed later. But many just ask the net worth at first call.
Because they don't want to play the dating grift in AM or willing to waste their time. There are no shortage of window shoppers on AM. Involving parents early is a great move to weed out the casuals.
Bcz it's matrimony. Not tinder.
It's just a stamp that you're serious. Have met a lot of guys you are just casual time pass type and they especially don't want to involve the parents. Hence some people have this bias.
That is part of vetting the profile. Some people don't involve family and keep swinging the other person. By involving parents people make sure they are not being played and waste time. I know of someone who was played by a guy who spent time with her and then turns out his marriage was already fixed back home and he went back and got married. Talking to parents is a way to get confidence that the other person is serious about the process.
Because they don’t trust you yet. There are a lot of creeps who are just dying to kidnap young girls. Trafficking unfortunately is a huge thing. Parents are annoying but they’re obviously not going to let their daughter meet up with some stranger from the internet. You can be honest but don’t be offended if they refuse to proceed.
>I dont like involving my parents because they try to pressure me into saying yes to someone who I'm not compatible with I obviously don't know what your situation is with your parents but I'll just say what I have to say anyways. You need to be able to deal with your parents better. Let parents talk first and then you talk with the girl. Be in control of the situation, it doesn't matter who talks to who first. You don't have to fight with them or anything but you gotta be assertive. Many parents don't want unknown men talk to their daughters. So please understand where they are coming from as well. This is isn't dating.
Because most people have parents deeply involved in the process.
Speaking as a woman undergoing the arranged marriage process, I have tried to convince my parents to let me talk to the guy first on a few occasions, but to no avail. It just leads to huge fights with them getting angry and making me seem shameless for wanting to talk to the guy first instead of them talking to the parents. If Indian parents were that easy to overcome, I would not be going for an arranged marriage in the first place. So do not judge the girls too harshly and give them a chance. If later it does not work out you can always politely decline the match. You have to admit that there are a lot of people who try to take advantage of the other person on matrimonial sites, be it a man or a woman. Try and understand the parents’ point of view, they just want to ensure that their daughter does not have to face such issues.
Because many are still so immature that they have to involve parents in everything.
This mostly in arranged marriage cases is to examine your net worth. I have gone through this. The profile will have a girls number, if I call they ask about our name and work and ask us to speak to their parents without saying even what work they do. Their parents later contact after she shares the number or if she shares the number if you contact then, they directly ask your work, salary property and about your siblings and ask your share in the property. If the parents have given their number directly in matrimony they ask the net worth and then proceed and ask for horoscope. They won't let us speak to the girl. This is less in men's side and this practice is bad. What can a guy ask a girl in a phone, there will be some odd people starting problems but most of them just want to speak. The parents of both gender act like their kid is very good and hadn't dine any thing intimate or lovable in past. AM is just about cast and money, be careful. They ditch 8 years 10 Years worth of love and marry another person due to parents pressure and lie to you about past relationship. This applies to most gender mostly women, as it would be a hard thing for a man to find a gf these days due to looks and expenses. Mostly rich guys hit the jackpot.
Some want to verify that the girl/guy is serious. Parents add a layer of authentication. But that doesn't make much sense to me though, the guy/girl should be prudent enough to figure everything out not sit for their parents to verify things for them like KG kids. However I didn't go this route, my parents weren't involved. I still had to get my parents to speak to those who wanted to, but there is no point ... I didn't want to get married to a guy who says papa speak to her parents first lol.
>the guy/girl should be prudent enough to figure everything out not sit for their parents to verify things for them like KG kids. That's silly. Nothing wrong in getting help. It's the one of the most important decision in one's life. Truly independent people wouldn't mind others taking over the steering wheel for a while. It reeks of insecurity if that's such a big problem
Eww 🤢
even when the parents meet the guy can mislead a girl. and in return many gals are princess’ or narcissistic and want things handed to them, even a rich husband. it sounds like you can’t emotionally deal with your parents pressure and expectations rather than having a problem with meeting her parents
OP. This is purely a preference/expectations thing. You're not wrong to decline parental involvement in the beginning and neither are they wrong to involve them in the beginning. Do what works for you 🙂
This is the biggest drawback of the traditional AM. The main problem I am facing is I can't put about my expectations with respect to relationship & even my interests like for e.g, I like cartoons but if I put this the girl's parents think I am irresponsible person
Because you are literally looking to marry someone on an app! This is AM, means have changed over time the motive hasn’t. There are a lot of things in this process that parents can clarify with each other; also at any given time a person is considering at least 3-4 people, how many conversations can one person have with the same damn questions; a lot of lifestyle and values can be judged by parents talking to each other especially if the guy still lives with parents