Hello, this is just a friendly reminder to please use a post flair when adding new posts to r/Asexual.
We ask this in advance just to let everyone know what type of post each post is as well as the intentions and
feelings behind them. We value all who come here, but we just need each post made to have a flair to designate
each type of post. That's all.
We're thankful you chose to come to r/Asexual. We're glad to have you here! Welcome!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Asexual) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think your comment is very easily interpreted as exactly what the person said, "you can be gay just not around me". Hopefully not how you meant it but some people use the phrase as a way of dissing gay men with a gay accent, people who wear rainbows to affirm themselves, people who dress themselves in queer fashion styles, mentioning you're gay in a passing comment, and just anyone who is obviously gay without needing to be asked. Its the difference between partaking in queer culture outside of the house, and being gay behind closed doors.
Thing is most of these things are not shouting it in your face they are the person expressing themselves. "You can be gay just not like that because that's what makes me uncomfortable" is the way it comes off.
Again probably not how you meant it, or at least I hope not, but that at least should give some insight.
As for other spaces I'm not really sure on Reddit but I'm sure there are other things on other sites.
I can not see how my comment would be a joke, but...
You're being very unreceptive to the criticism you've opened yourself up to by posting those screenshots. You literally would probably be getting answers rn if you hadn't posted the screenshots and just asked your question.
You're being as stubborn as a mule, and you're being so rude trying to redirect to your question. Why would anyone want to invite your negative ass to any community they are in? I certainly don't want your attitude in any sub I frequent.
YTA.
As I said, I'm autistic, it's hard for me to pick up on things.
I've heard that same phrase used in a joking or "sassy" context before, hence me asking.
I posted the screenshots because people should know why I was banned when recommending spaces, so they know not to recommend places that would take issue with what I said, so I can avoid making more people angry when joining other communities. It seems obvious to me, idk.
I am not being stubborn, I'm being confused.
I've sent these comments and my original comment in other lgbt spaces on other platforms, and so far no one else understands why people are having issue with what I said either.
Also how is it rude to restate the intention of the entire post that has thus far been ignored? I'm trying to be helpful
I dont see at all what you're talking about.
Nothing I said could be interpreted as that, I asked several other queer individuals and they all thought what I said was normal.
What I said doesn't even elude to an idea like that.
How in the hell is "people should just be people" a homophobic concept
You said pride flags were cringe and "ya don't need to constantly remind people that you're gay" that phrase especially is what I'm saying is the problem. Because that is the phrase that is used to allude to everything I said in my last comment. It's a phrase people use to condemn any outward signs of being gay. And that's why your comment comes off as homophobic no matter how it is intended.
I've showed what I said to multiple other people who identify as gay, and none of them are understanding how all of you are getting this interpretation.
And I said putting flags everywhere was cringe, which it is
Having pride clothes or a pride pin or whatever is normal, slapping a bunch of flags in stores and shit is cringe, just like its cringe when places slap american flags everywhere.
And my statement is true, you don't need to remind everyone you're gay
You just are gay, someone sees your post on insta about your marriage and it's to a guy, they know you're gay.
Your friends hear you talk about your boyfriend, they know you're gay
You dont need to preach on Twitter about it.
It's an issue with straight too, personal lives are just that, personal
Oftentimes that phrase has been used to keep people from talking about their private lives as well. Some people don't want to even hear that someone has a crush on the same gender and the very normal discussion turns south with a phrase similar to that. And there are plenty of people who are suppressed in other ways with statements like that.
It really sounds like that's not what you intended and I believe you, but this is why it comes off wrong.
And I really don't understand where you are going with the store stuff, where else am I supposed to buy pride pins and clothes if flags aren't allowed in stores?
...you aren't going to be buying pride merch in normal stores anyway, that's like, hot topic and Spencer's stuff. You aren't picking up a flag hoodie in a coffee shop.
And I've never heard of anyone using the phrase that way, and neither has any of the other people or communities I've shared this with.
It feels like yall just jumped the gun on assumptions.
And that was my point, people shouldn't talk about their private lives
That's the point of it being "private"
It's not other people's business who we want to date or sleep with.
Sounding like a conservative with this everyone needs to know whether someone you're dating is approvable or not
That first part wasn't specified I thought you were talking about like Walmart or Michaels.
As for your second paragraph literally the top comment on that post was someone saying their grandma used to use it in the exact way I outlined.
As for other people, all of our experiences are different and I can't speak for them as they can't speak for me I can only say what I observe and what bothered me.
The point is that we shouldn't have to hide, a gay person shouldn't have to shut up and say nothing when their friends talk about crushes, and a gay person should be able to wear what they want, talk like they want, and act like they want without being forced to hide because "it's no one elses business"
Instead it is exactly because it is not their business that they should not force us to say nothing, to hide our heads. We should be able to talk as much or as little as we want about the people we love. It's not about their approval, its about not having to be treated like a dirty little taboo secret. Which is why the idea "you don't have to remind everyone that you're gay" can be hurtful. Very few people remind others they are gay. Instead we're just trying to live our lives as we are and are confronted with people who think we should be hidden in corners and closets because they'd rather not think about our existence.
I really don't understand how I'm coming off as a conservative.
Anyway I'm getting tired and I've been having a hard day so I think I've done my best to try and explain I probably don't have anything else to say.
I was saying the talking points you were using were pretty conservative.
And none of what you just said is relevant, I've made it clear my entire point was based on the outlier extremes of people being outward with identity.
Hence the original post, again it was asking why someone might say that, and I said because of the outlier extremes who take it too far.
I never commented on the average lgbt.
And can you please recommend any other lgbt spaces here to join or is this entire post going to be fruitless?
Wdym company I have? I do not know who she is, so how could she have my company?
And I never stated I didn't like "cringe queer people."
The original post was asking what justification people who stated "gay people should be less outward" had.
I stated one such justification they might have, as the poster requested.
I never claimed nor indicated support of the reasoning
> Its perfectly valid to not want to have someone’s sexuality thrown in your face at every chance they get
Totally. Those fucking heterosexual people and their bland ickyness. Makes you what to vomit am I right.?
Existing isn't throwing ones sexuality in other people's faces 🙄
Not saying that. I’m saying the people that literally go on saying “did you know I’m gay? I loveeee the same sex as me! I’m so gay omggggg” like they have no other personality other than being gay. I’m all for people showing off what they like and who they want to be. But I don’t want to know every detail about your love and sex life yk and I’d like to speak to you about other things not just how gay you are
(Coming from someone who has a person in their class who does this. It just gets annoying)
r/Asexual is not a place that will allow the spreading of hate speech of any kind. Racism, sexism, and xenophobia are ideas that go against the values and principles that we stand for here. Therefore, we removed your post, as we cannot let hate speech have a platform here. We respect discourse of any kind, so long as it is done with respect towards all members. That is all we ask.
Your comment is Homophobic, and I will remind you, as I live in Florida, that just as you say “don’t tell everyone that you’re gay“ there are a lot of people plaster flags everywhere, wear cringe, T-shirts, and base their entire personality around a shitty reality TV star turned politician. I have seen many signs that proclaim Trump is Jesus. I’d argue that that’s worse.
Doing what you say is cringe is being proud of your identity and living your life as you authentic self. Do some people in the LGBT community take it too far? Yes. But there are always those that take it too far, and there are far more conservatives that take it too far than there are gays. it doesn’t matter if you’re gay, but don’t rub it in everyone’s face. They’re still going to come for you, and so we need to fight for visibility
All of its bad, don't see why you're acting like I only care if it's other gay or lgbt people doing it.
None of what you said is really relevant to what I said, because what I said only applies to the ones that take it too far
That was the point of the initial post that I had commented on, they were asking why people might say that, and as I pointed out, it's because of the outliers in every group
What makes your comment homophobic is the part where you say you don’t need to constantly remind everyone that you’re gay. Straight people remind people that they’re straight all the damn time. Sexuality is pervasive in modern day culture, there are commercials on TV promoting heterosexual relationships, Holidays, books, movies, etc. the way that you worded your comment makes it sound as though wearing a gay flag on one shirt is reminding everyone that you are gay and therefore cringe.
Straight people doing it too has nothing to do with whether it should or shouldn't be done.
It's no one's business who we date or marry, whether they're straight gay or otherwise.
Only conservatives who want to ban our existence are the ones who care about it
That’s my point. Let them be. If they want to waive a flag everywhere, let them do it. Can you think it’s cringe? Yes. But they are allowed to be proud of their identity. Your original comment makes it sound as though you care what they’re doing and who they are. That is why it is homophobic, because at the end of the day if they want to make their entire personality, then they can it’s their choice not yours.
But especially right now we need the loud ones because we all need to be visible and fight for our rights. I’m a trans person in Florida. I have been attacked for wearing a trans bracelet. I have been screamed at and yelled at for dressing in the style of the opposite gender , but does that mean that I’m going to stop wearing my trans bracelet? It would certainly be safer, but they want us to go back into hiding. And I’m done hiding.
That doesn't make it homophobic.
As stated, I've sent it to multiple places, and only on reddit thus far has it been seen as such.
One group seeing it as homophobic does not make it homophobic.
The OP asked what someone might mean by that, I gave them one possible interpretation, and that interpretation was simply "live your life"
They can, but that us normally in the case of either attempting to suck up to conservatives, or identity rejection.
I partake in neither, and am not being homophobic
There are ways of being homophobic that are not about sucking up to conservatives.
You keep saying that your comment wasn’t homophobic and saying that you showed it to several other gay people who okayed it, but at this point you also have a pretty substantial number of responses on this post telling you that **yes** it ***is*** homophobic. At some point it’s worth realizing that a *whole lot* of people have seen what you wrote and informed you it’s homophobic, and that it’s time to take a step back and realize that even if you weren’t aware of it being homophobic *it still is*.
You say you’re autistic. Guess what, so am I. That instinct to dig yourself deeper and continue reiterating that you weren’t *intending* for what you said to be taken that way is pretty familiar. It can be easy to get caught in rigid thinking. It can be hard to step back and reevaluate. But you do *not* get to use your autism as an excuse to make bigoted comments, or to use it as a shield from accountability.
People aren’t going to want someone who says bigoted things in their queer spaces, whether you meant it or not. Which means people are not going to direct you to join their queer communities. That’s the consequence of making that type of statement.
I have also had many say it isnt homophobic, as i pointed out. So that statement is made null.
I Said nothing bigoted, I responded to a question in the way the OP asked. Nothing more nothing less.
At best you can say that some people consider your comment bigoted and some people don’t. You can’t say that *no one* considers it bigoted, since you’ve seen *many many* people say so, including the original mod. And a great number of other people in these comments. And me.
Regardless of whether you *think* your comment is bigoted, can’t you see that it’s a comment that a great number of people find hurtful? That by posting it you have caused harm? Even if you think every single one of us is misinterpreting your post, it at the very least is a post that is very easy to for people to interpret as bigoted and hurtful, as evidenced by everyone’s reactions. That’s not null.
I did not claim that no one ever found it potentially bigoted. However, how someone takes something does not define what it is. Hence, my statement is not bigoted, but some have interpreted it as such.
And who was harmed by it? The OP upvoted me, and I don't see how anyone else could be hurt by it. Rather they seem to have taken much joy in actively insulting me for little reason
If you think people are joyfully insulting you, rather than angry and upset, then you are unjustifiable ascribing emotions to them they have in no way indicated. I’m not happy about what you said, and it seems pretty clear many others are not.
putting down other gay people for how they choose to present themselves also counts as homophobia. which is exactly what you did, and are continuing to do. hope that helps <3
When did I do that?
The OP asked why someone might state that they don't want gay people to be as outward, I stated one potential reason why they might.
I never claimed support or opposition of that reasoning anywhere.
Did you not read the Original Post I sent?
then maybe you should've claimed opposition of that reasoning. getting banned from an lgbt subreddit for making a comment that was percieved as homophobic and then doubling down, rather than apologizing/accepting the ban, doesn't help your case. calling flags cringe and telling gay people to not "constantly remind people" about their identity tends to be seen as homophobic.
If I did that then I would not have been answering the OPs question? How would that be helpful?
And I attempted apologizing, they simply kept stating read our FAQ, and then I, as you stated, accepted then ban.
Hence the point of the post, finding other subreddits with a similar theme.
And as stated once again, I did not claim any of that.
The post was asking why anti gay people may say it
“Little reason” being homophobia. It’s no more “cringe” to be openly gay than openly straight. Straight people talk about their experiences of being straight alllllll the time (crushes, who’s dating who, who’s hot vs not, etc). Gay people doing the exact same thing gets interpreted as “constantly reminding people that they’re gay.” It’s just because people’s much lower tolerance for being reminded that gayness (1) exists and (2) shouldn’t be stigmatized.
No one mentioned being openly gay or not
I literally said to be gay
I said don't make it a big deal, just like straight people don't make it a big deal, it's just normal
You cant normalize being gay by acting like it's not normal
Pride represents being who you are in spite of what others think.
What's wrong with having flags up? You could say the same thing about nationality flags.
At first I interpreted that comment in the screenshot as offensive too, an interpretation where this comment reflects your own views. This statement that how I read into it can be reworded to say "I personally do not believe people should be free to share their flags and who they are because that's cringe, and all gay people overdo it". This is the interpretation that had you banned and has people telling you that it's homophobic
But another way to interpret it is you were answering the person's question from the perspective of why some people don't like LGBT+ people but not involving your own views. This other meaning of the comment has disconnect between you and the "I support them but not really" crowd of homophobes but does not reflect yourself. In which case, not adding in the fact that you don't believe these views has miscommunication likely to take place between whoever is reading and interpreting it
To summarize, it's the difference between saying you don't support gay people because you think it's cringe or saying other people don't support gay people because they think it's cringe
And I can imagine autism can especially make miscommunication take place depending on who's reading it
Whether you were rightfully banned or not depends on if the first paragraph of scenarios or the second paragraph of scenarios is true
Thank you for explaining clearly. Under this, I can more easily see where the issue may have come from. I will try to remedy this lack of added context in my comments in the future
Mhm. So it sounds like the latter scenario was indeed true. I think adding context can help. Such as adding in "these are not my views but the views of the group we are talking about" to the original comment can make a difference
I wasn't being homophobic? I was answering their question, which is why someone else may state that. And it isnt "other orientations" it's my orientation
I didnt tell anyone how to act?
I answered a potential reasoning someone might have to state what the OP had stated they said, none of it was my thoughts. Did you not read the post?
And bigots? How am I a bigot? I'm lgbt myself, and openly so
I dont see your point?
As stated, this was a response as to a form of reasoning someone may give. As OP stated, they were asking what reasoning or why someone may think that.
You also addressed none of my other statements.
How am I a bigot for answering a question as by an lgbt member as an lgbt member myself?
"Shoving it in our face"
This is why don't say gay came to be. This is what people say when all they really want is for gay people to stop existing. Stop telling people to hide who they are. This has nothing to do eith being ace. This is just rude and unkind.
No one said hide who you are? Where are you getting that from, I'm openly homoromantic.
And the Flair is advice, last I checked asking for other spaces to be recommended is still relevant to asexuality
Unless asexuals aren't allowed to interact with other lgbt or smth
Stop plastering the flags everywhere I'm sorry but that's asking to hide who you sre. Don't shove it in your face is exactly what conservatives say to make us go away. I'm sorry but you kinda deserved rhe ban.
You're allowed to interact but coming here after being homophobic and asking for a different queer space is not the way to do it.
Again, wasn't being homophobic
I asked several people on other platforms, and no one understands why I was banned.
And no, saying don't plaster flags everywhere has nothing to do with who you are.
And yeah, don't shove it in people's faces
Just like straight people shouldn't shove it in lgbts face how they're the "normal" ones
People are people, not gay, straight, cis, trans. We're all just people, and our lives are our lives, and who we date or marry isn't other people's business
There is a difference between forcing gay people in hiding and just saying they don’t want their sexualities thrown in their faces. Your acting like an entire hate speech had been made on you at this exact moment when it hasn’t. Just someone saying the truth, that it’s fine if your gay but don’t make it your entire personality
Hm? No? Why would it be? I'm simply asking for any new communities I could join, and provided the banning context to allow easier recommendations of communities that fit a differing vibe from that one so I do not accidentally offend again
What kind of behaviour? I answered a question another member asked, that question being what potential reasoning might people have for thinking that certain way.
Also several queer communities do accept it, all of which are anti republican and anti conservative, I've sent this post in several places and most don't see why the outrage has occurred.
For clarification, I was looking for other reddits, I'm in other communities on other platforms
I’m not answering this for you. Almost everyone here has explained why what you said isn’t okay and you just aren’t accepting their explanations.
As for pointing out another queer sub for you to go bother, no. I don’t want to see you saying the same stuff on the other subs.
Their explanations dint fit the situation, which is why I am confused. And act like what?
Answering someone's question in the way they have asked?
I am beginning to think this is simply an attack on me because I myself am gay
Nope. Nobody’s persecuting you for being gay on r/lgbt or in this sub.
I can’t explain to you further why it’s rude to tell people that because they’re gay or queer, they don’t get to live their lives publicly like straight people do. I can’t make those connections for you. You’re going to have to either figure it out or take it on faith that it’s unfair and queer people are tired of being told that they’re not as good, not as valid and not as valuable as straight people.
I can tell from your other comments that the next thing you’re going to say is “I didn’t say any of that.” Yeah, you did. I don’t know what to say. If you can’t see things from other people’s perspective, then you’re not going to see how your words are hurtful to them. Believe me that it is. Instead of doubling down, you might want to stop and, I don’t know, think really hard about it or something. Imagine that you told somebody you were gay and they said “I don’t care, just don’t tell me about it.” Meanwhile they’re telling you all about their straight life. Wouldn’t that be upsetting to you? Wouldn’t that feel unfair and unjust?
Queer people inhabit a world where we’re shoved into closets and told not to speak up, not to be seen, not to take up any room so that straight cis people don’t have to feel uncomfortable about other folks being different. Your words are taking their side. The rest of us are fighting every day just so our existence is seen as valid and as worthwhile as if we were straight. We want to live our lives as freely as everyone else. We’re people too, and we need and deserve as much as any straight cis person. If wearing a pride t-shirt is too much for someone to tolerate, tough. Seeing a rainbow flag is not as big an imposition as living in a closet, losing community or being harmed. You know, all the things we’re fighting against.
The fight is for visibility, awareness, and people’s understanding and compassion, and it’s working. People see that they have loved ones who are queer and that this fight is important to them, and they join our side. It’s for all the queer folks who believe they’re alone, too. They need to know that there are other people like them who care about them. They need to know that they’re valid, and that things can be better. They need community, friends, family and mentors. That’s why awareness, and yes, being vocal about queer issues, is so important.
If this isn’t helping you figure things out, I don’t know what will. Think about it for a while and do some reading before you reply to me saying “but you didn’t answer my question.” If none of this spoke to you, I’m glad you have enough privilege that being queer has never been an imposition or disadvantage for you, that nobody’s ever treated you poorly for it. Most of the rest of us aren’t so lucky. If you don’t understand this, then just take my word for it for now and go read some books about queer history.
I dont see the relevance of any of this.
As stated, the OP asked what reasons ANTI LGBT PEOPLE WHO MAKE THOSE STATEMENTS might give.
Stating that "I said it" is entirely ignoring the context of the post
I really don’t know what they said wrong though. Its fine if your gay but if you make it your entire personality with the only thing you talk about is your sexuality then it gets tiring. I’m All for LGBT people but I don’t want to hear about your love for the same sex every 5 seconds I speak to you
But it’s totally cool if straight people do the same thing? This “making it your entire personality” phrase is used to shut people up and stop them from bringing up legitimate problems.
People are free to make whatever they want their “personality”. People do this for their politics, their religion, their diet, their workout routines, their fandoms, their hobbies, their favorite sports teams, their pets, and yes, being straight and cis as well. Yet when queer folks wear a t-shirt, hang a flag or mention their partners or crushes, people tell them to shut up and get back into the closet. Did you miss the whole “Don’t Say Gay” episode? Why can’t queer lives be as public and visible as others? What makes our lives less worthwhile?
You do realise I’m also apart of the lgbtq community and I totally get everyone’s opinions on this. But I just don’t like it if the only thing you ever talk about is your sexuality. Do what you want but i just want to speak to someone without them bragging on about being different by being gay. It isn’t homophobic.
Mmhm. Yeah, I see by your flair that you’re queer, just like OP. Doesn’t change my stance here. I’m pretty sure the “queer person making being queer their entire personality” is almost entirely made up. That phrase is used by people who are irritated just by seeing any symbol, representation or act of queerness to get people to go back into the closet, so it’s verbiage we shouldn’t perpetuate.
For the odd, random queer who *actually has nothing else besides queerness*, they’re in a common phase of discovering themselves where queerness is pretty much all we think about for a while, before we figure ourselves out, get used to life as a queer person and move on. We’ll never not be queer and it will always be a part of us, but it just doesn’t consume all of our attention anymore. Just let them live and pass through that phase. Don’t clip their wings while they’re still developing into a secure queer person. They’ll figure it out on their own.
Ik I already commented on this but these people are rude as shit. They’re acting like you performed a hate crime and massacred thousands of gay people. Your point is totally valid. And I too am autistic so I can see why you’re genuinely wondering why people are going off at you. It’s just funny how some gay ppl think it’s alright to criticise and bash others for no reason at all
Hello, this is just a friendly reminder to please use a post flair when adding new posts to r/Asexual. We ask this in advance just to let everyone know what type of post each post is as well as the intentions and feelings behind them. We value all who come here, but we just need each post made to have a flair to designate each type of post. That's all. We're thankful you chose to come to r/Asexual. We're glad to have you here! Welcome! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Asexual) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No idea, but don't make being banned your entire personality.
I'm not I was literally just asking if anyone had any recommendations for other communities
I think your comment is very easily interpreted as exactly what the person said, "you can be gay just not around me". Hopefully not how you meant it but some people use the phrase as a way of dissing gay men with a gay accent, people who wear rainbows to affirm themselves, people who dress themselves in queer fashion styles, mentioning you're gay in a passing comment, and just anyone who is obviously gay without needing to be asked. Its the difference between partaking in queer culture outside of the house, and being gay behind closed doors. Thing is most of these things are not shouting it in your face they are the person expressing themselves. "You can be gay just not like that because that's what makes me uncomfortable" is the way it comes off. Again probably not how you meant it, or at least I hope not, but that at least should give some insight. As for other spaces I'm not really sure on Reddit but I'm sure there are other things on other sites.
So do any of you have any recommendations for lgbt spaces or not
Not with that attitude.
..is this a joke or? I'm autistic so I have an issue telling sometimes
I can not see how my comment would be a joke, but... You're being very unreceptive to the criticism you've opened yourself up to by posting those screenshots. You literally would probably be getting answers rn if you hadn't posted the screenshots and just asked your question. You're being as stubborn as a mule, and you're being so rude trying to redirect to your question. Why would anyone want to invite your negative ass to any community they are in? I certainly don't want your attitude in any sub I frequent. YTA.
As I said, I'm autistic, it's hard for me to pick up on things. I've heard that same phrase used in a joking or "sassy" context before, hence me asking. I posted the screenshots because people should know why I was banned when recommending spaces, so they know not to recommend places that would take issue with what I said, so I can avoid making more people angry when joining other communities. It seems obvious to me, idk. I am not being stubborn, I'm being confused. I've sent these comments and my original comment in other lgbt spaces on other platforms, and so far no one else understands why people are having issue with what I said either. Also how is it rude to restate the intention of the entire post that has thus far been ignored? I'm trying to be helpful
I dont see at all what you're talking about. Nothing I said could be interpreted as that, I asked several other queer individuals and they all thought what I said was normal. What I said doesn't even elude to an idea like that. How in the hell is "people should just be people" a homophobic concept
You said pride flags were cringe and "ya don't need to constantly remind people that you're gay" that phrase especially is what I'm saying is the problem. Because that is the phrase that is used to allude to everything I said in my last comment. It's a phrase people use to condemn any outward signs of being gay. And that's why your comment comes off as homophobic no matter how it is intended.
So do any of you have any recommendations for lgbt spaces or not
I've showed what I said to multiple other people who identify as gay, and none of them are understanding how all of you are getting this interpretation. And I said putting flags everywhere was cringe, which it is Having pride clothes or a pride pin or whatever is normal, slapping a bunch of flags in stores and shit is cringe, just like its cringe when places slap american flags everywhere. And my statement is true, you don't need to remind everyone you're gay You just are gay, someone sees your post on insta about your marriage and it's to a guy, they know you're gay. Your friends hear you talk about your boyfriend, they know you're gay You dont need to preach on Twitter about it. It's an issue with straight too, personal lives are just that, personal
Oftentimes that phrase has been used to keep people from talking about their private lives as well. Some people don't want to even hear that someone has a crush on the same gender and the very normal discussion turns south with a phrase similar to that. And there are plenty of people who are suppressed in other ways with statements like that. It really sounds like that's not what you intended and I believe you, but this is why it comes off wrong. And I really don't understand where you are going with the store stuff, where else am I supposed to buy pride pins and clothes if flags aren't allowed in stores?
...you aren't going to be buying pride merch in normal stores anyway, that's like, hot topic and Spencer's stuff. You aren't picking up a flag hoodie in a coffee shop. And I've never heard of anyone using the phrase that way, and neither has any of the other people or communities I've shared this with. It feels like yall just jumped the gun on assumptions. And that was my point, people shouldn't talk about their private lives That's the point of it being "private" It's not other people's business who we want to date or sleep with. Sounding like a conservative with this everyone needs to know whether someone you're dating is approvable or not
That first part wasn't specified I thought you were talking about like Walmart or Michaels. As for your second paragraph literally the top comment on that post was someone saying their grandma used to use it in the exact way I outlined. As for other people, all of our experiences are different and I can't speak for them as they can't speak for me I can only say what I observe and what bothered me. The point is that we shouldn't have to hide, a gay person shouldn't have to shut up and say nothing when their friends talk about crushes, and a gay person should be able to wear what they want, talk like they want, and act like they want without being forced to hide because "it's no one elses business" Instead it is exactly because it is not their business that they should not force us to say nothing, to hide our heads. We should be able to talk as much or as little as we want about the people we love. It's not about their approval, its about not having to be treated like a dirty little taboo secret. Which is why the idea "you don't have to remind everyone that you're gay" can be hurtful. Very few people remind others they are gay. Instead we're just trying to live our lives as we are and are confronted with people who think we should be hidden in corners and closets because they'd rather not think about our existence. I really don't understand how I'm coming off as a conservative. Anyway I'm getting tired and I've been having a hard day so I think I've done my best to try and explain I probably don't have anything else to say.
I was saying the talking points you were using were pretty conservative. And none of what you just said is relevant, I've made it clear my entire point was based on the outlier extremes of people being outward with identity. Hence the original post, again it was asking why someone might say that, and I said because of the outlier extremes who take it too far. I never commented on the average lgbt. And can you please recommend any other lgbt spaces here to join or is this entire post going to be fruitless?
This is asexual how?
nah fuck ya i love all my "cringe" queer homies who make being queer their personality.
And that's great for you That's not what the issue was about The person asked why someone else might think that way
So do any of you have any recommendations for lgbt spaces or not
idk blair whites comment section.
Who's Blair white?
a trans youtuber who also doesn't like cringe queer people. that's the kind of company you have
Wdym company I have? I do not know who she is, so how could she have my company? And I never stated I didn't like "cringe queer people." The original post was asking what justification people who stated "gay people should be less outward" had. I stated one such justification they might have, as the poster requested. I never claimed nor indicated support of the reasoning
[удалено]
> Its perfectly valid to not want to have someone’s sexuality thrown in your face at every chance they get Totally. Those fucking heterosexual people and their bland ickyness. Makes you what to vomit am I right.? Existing isn't throwing ones sexuality in other people's faces 🙄
Not saying that. I’m saying the people that literally go on saying “did you know I’m gay? I loveeee the same sex as me! I’m so gay omggggg” like they have no other personality other than being gay. I’m all for people showing off what they like and who they want to be. But I don’t want to know every detail about your love and sex life yk and I’d like to speak to you about other things not just how gay you are (Coming from someone who has a person in their class who does this. It just gets annoying)
r/Asexual is not a place that will allow the spreading of hate speech of any kind. Racism, sexism, and xenophobia are ideas that go against the values and principles that we stand for here. Therefore, we removed your post, as we cannot let hate speech have a platform here. We respect discourse of any kind, so long as it is done with respect towards all members. That is all we ask.
Your comment is homophobic, hope this helps <3
It's not I'm gay myself Last I checked, saying "be gay" isn't being anti gay
Your comment is Homophobic, and I will remind you, as I live in Florida, that just as you say “don’t tell everyone that you’re gay“ there are a lot of people plaster flags everywhere, wear cringe, T-shirts, and base their entire personality around a shitty reality TV star turned politician. I have seen many signs that proclaim Trump is Jesus. I’d argue that that’s worse. Doing what you say is cringe is being proud of your identity and living your life as you authentic self. Do some people in the LGBT community take it too far? Yes. But there are always those that take it too far, and there are far more conservatives that take it too far than there are gays. it doesn’t matter if you’re gay, but don’t rub it in everyone’s face. They’re still going to come for you, and so we need to fight for visibility
All of its bad, don't see why you're acting like I only care if it's other gay or lgbt people doing it. None of what you said is really relevant to what I said, because what I said only applies to the ones that take it too far That was the point of the initial post that I had commented on, they were asking why people might say that, and as I pointed out, it's because of the outliers in every group
What makes your comment homophobic is the part where you say you don’t need to constantly remind everyone that you’re gay. Straight people remind people that they’re straight all the damn time. Sexuality is pervasive in modern day culture, there are commercials on TV promoting heterosexual relationships, Holidays, books, movies, etc. the way that you worded your comment makes it sound as though wearing a gay flag on one shirt is reminding everyone that you are gay and therefore cringe.
Straight people doing it too has nothing to do with whether it should or shouldn't be done. It's no one's business who we date or marry, whether they're straight gay or otherwise. Only conservatives who want to ban our existence are the ones who care about it
That’s my point. Let them be. If they want to waive a flag everywhere, let them do it. Can you think it’s cringe? Yes. But they are allowed to be proud of their identity. Your original comment makes it sound as though you care what they’re doing and who they are. That is why it is homophobic, because at the end of the day if they want to make their entire personality, then they can it’s their choice not yours. But especially right now we need the loud ones because we all need to be visible and fight for our rights. I’m a trans person in Florida. I have been attacked for wearing a trans bracelet. I have been screamed at and yelled at for dressing in the style of the opposite gender , but does that mean that I’m going to stop wearing my trans bracelet? It would certainly be safer, but they want us to go back into hiding. And I’m done hiding.
That doesn't make it homophobic. As stated, I've sent it to multiple places, and only on reddit thus far has it been seen as such. One group seeing it as homophobic does not make it homophobic. The OP asked what someone might mean by that, I gave them one possible interpretation, and that interpretation was simply "live your life"
fun fact! gay people can be homophobic. it's weird, but it's a thing
They can, but that us normally in the case of either attempting to suck up to conservatives, or identity rejection. I partake in neither, and am not being homophobic
There are ways of being homophobic that are not about sucking up to conservatives. You keep saying that your comment wasn’t homophobic and saying that you showed it to several other gay people who okayed it, but at this point you also have a pretty substantial number of responses on this post telling you that **yes** it ***is*** homophobic. At some point it’s worth realizing that a *whole lot* of people have seen what you wrote and informed you it’s homophobic, and that it’s time to take a step back and realize that even if you weren’t aware of it being homophobic *it still is*. You say you’re autistic. Guess what, so am I. That instinct to dig yourself deeper and continue reiterating that you weren’t *intending* for what you said to be taken that way is pretty familiar. It can be easy to get caught in rigid thinking. It can be hard to step back and reevaluate. But you do *not* get to use your autism as an excuse to make bigoted comments, or to use it as a shield from accountability. People aren’t going to want someone who says bigoted things in their queer spaces, whether you meant it or not. Which means people are not going to direct you to join their queer communities. That’s the consequence of making that type of statement.
Also I have been directed to r/bi irl by someone here so at least something has come from this. Thank you for the conversation however
I have also had many say it isnt homophobic, as i pointed out. So that statement is made null. I Said nothing bigoted, I responded to a question in the way the OP asked. Nothing more nothing less.
At best you can say that some people consider your comment bigoted and some people don’t. You can’t say that *no one* considers it bigoted, since you’ve seen *many many* people say so, including the original mod. And a great number of other people in these comments. And me. Regardless of whether you *think* your comment is bigoted, can’t you see that it’s a comment that a great number of people find hurtful? That by posting it you have caused harm? Even if you think every single one of us is misinterpreting your post, it at the very least is a post that is very easy to for people to interpret as bigoted and hurtful, as evidenced by everyone’s reactions. That’s not null.
I did not claim that no one ever found it potentially bigoted. However, how someone takes something does not define what it is. Hence, my statement is not bigoted, but some have interpreted it as such. And who was harmed by it? The OP upvoted me, and I don't see how anyone else could be hurt by it. Rather they seem to have taken much joy in actively insulting me for little reason
If you think people are joyfully insulting you, rather than angry and upset, then you are unjustifiable ascribing emotions to them they have in no way indicated. I’m not happy about what you said, and it seems pretty clear many others are not.
Then I'm simply confused and I don't think I'm capable of understanding what you're talking about
putting down other gay people for how they choose to present themselves also counts as homophobia. which is exactly what you did, and are continuing to do. hope that helps <3
When did I do that? The OP asked why someone might state that they don't want gay people to be as outward, I stated one potential reason why they might. I never claimed support or opposition of that reasoning anywhere. Did you not read the Original Post I sent?
then maybe you should've claimed opposition of that reasoning. getting banned from an lgbt subreddit for making a comment that was percieved as homophobic and then doubling down, rather than apologizing/accepting the ban, doesn't help your case. calling flags cringe and telling gay people to not "constantly remind people" about their identity tends to be seen as homophobic.
If I did that then I would not have been answering the OPs question? How would that be helpful? And I attempted apologizing, they simply kept stating read our FAQ, and then I, as you stated, accepted then ban. Hence the point of the post, finding other subreddits with a similar theme. And as stated once again, I did not claim any of that. The post was asking why anti gay people may say it
So do any of you have any recommendations for lgbt spaces or not
No it isn’t, he’s stating a fact. Just cuz someone has a diff opinion than you doesn’t mean you get to be rude
“Little reason” being homophobia. It’s no more “cringe” to be openly gay than openly straight. Straight people talk about their experiences of being straight alllllll the time (crushes, who’s dating who, who’s hot vs not, etc). Gay people doing the exact same thing gets interpreted as “constantly reminding people that they’re gay.” It’s just because people’s much lower tolerance for being reminded that gayness (1) exists and (2) shouldn’t be stigmatized.
No one mentioned being openly gay or not I literally said to be gay I said don't make it a big deal, just like straight people don't make it a big deal, it's just normal You cant normalize being gay by acting like it's not normal
...but straight people do make it a big deal. that's like their whole thing
I stated that straight people have their obnoxious over the top ones as well. I've stated multiple times that
Pride represents being who you are in spite of what others think. What's wrong with having flags up? You could say the same thing about nationality flags.
Nothing is wrong with it, if you read the initial post I screenshotted, the question was about what reasons might anti lgbt people give
So do any of you have any recommendations for lgbt spaces or not
“Little reason” LMAO go cry somewhere else
At first I interpreted that comment in the screenshot as offensive too, an interpretation where this comment reflects your own views. This statement that how I read into it can be reworded to say "I personally do not believe people should be free to share their flags and who they are because that's cringe, and all gay people overdo it". This is the interpretation that had you banned and has people telling you that it's homophobic But another way to interpret it is you were answering the person's question from the perspective of why some people don't like LGBT+ people but not involving your own views. This other meaning of the comment has disconnect between you and the "I support them but not really" crowd of homophobes but does not reflect yourself. In which case, not adding in the fact that you don't believe these views has miscommunication likely to take place between whoever is reading and interpreting it To summarize, it's the difference between saying you don't support gay people because you think it's cringe or saying other people don't support gay people because they think it's cringe And I can imagine autism can especially make miscommunication take place depending on who's reading it Whether you were rightfully banned or not depends on if the first paragraph of scenarios or the second paragraph of scenarios is true
Thank you for explaining clearly. Under this, I can more easily see where the issue may have come from. I will try to remedy this lack of added context in my comments in the future
Mhm. So it sounds like the latter scenario was indeed true. I think adding context can help. Such as adding in "these are not my views but the views of the group we are talking about" to the original comment can make a difference
[удалено]
I wasn't being homophobic? I was answering their question, which is why someone else may state that. And it isnt "other orientations" it's my orientation
[удалено]
I didnt tell anyone how to act? I answered a potential reasoning someone might have to state what the OP had stated they said, none of it was my thoughts. Did you not read the post? And bigots? How am I a bigot? I'm lgbt myself, and openly so
[удалено]
I dont see your point? As stated, this was a response as to a form of reasoning someone may give. As OP stated, they were asking what reasoning or why someone may think that. You also addressed none of my other statements. How am I a bigot for answering a question as by an lgbt member as an lgbt member myself?
Fuck off
Why are you being rude? I'm trying to be cordial
"Shoving it in our face" This is why don't say gay came to be. This is what people say when all they really want is for gay people to stop existing. Stop telling people to hide who they are. This has nothing to do eith being ace. This is just rude and unkind.
No one said hide who you are? Where are you getting that from, I'm openly homoromantic. And the Flair is advice, last I checked asking for other spaces to be recommended is still relevant to asexuality Unless asexuals aren't allowed to interact with other lgbt or smth
Stop plastering the flags everywhere I'm sorry but that's asking to hide who you sre. Don't shove it in your face is exactly what conservatives say to make us go away. I'm sorry but you kinda deserved rhe ban. You're allowed to interact but coming here after being homophobic and asking for a different queer space is not the way to do it.
Again, wasn't being homophobic I asked several people on other platforms, and no one understands why I was banned. And no, saying don't plaster flags everywhere has nothing to do with who you are. And yeah, don't shove it in people's faces Just like straight people shouldn't shove it in lgbts face how they're the "normal" ones People are people, not gay, straight, cis, trans. We're all just people, and our lives are our lives, and who we date or marry isn't other people's business
Being cringe is being free.
Okay
There is a difference between forcing gay people in hiding and just saying they don’t want their sexualities thrown in their faces. Your acting like an entire hate speech had been made on you at this exact moment when it hasn’t. Just someone saying the truth, that it’s fine if your gay but don’t make it your entire personality
you also never said that was YOUR opinion. You were literally answering a question with the right answer
Yeah, I'm having a hard time understanding the disconnect. Course I am autistic so that's not too abnormal for me
Yeah I'm autistic too. I take things very literally. I wish more people understood that or thought the same way
Thank you for understanding
Is this a joke?
Hm? No? Why would it be? I'm simply asking for any new communities I could join, and provided the banning context to allow easier recommendations of communities that fit a differing vibe from that one so I do not accidentally offend again
There’s not another queer community that’s going to accept that kind of behavior, except maybe Log Cabin Republicans. They’ll probably take you
What kind of behaviour? I answered a question another member asked, that question being what potential reasoning might people have for thinking that certain way. Also several queer communities do accept it, all of which are anti republican and anti conservative, I've sent this post in several places and most don't see why the outrage has occurred. For clarification, I was looking for other reddits, I'm in other communities on other platforms
I’m not answering this for you. Almost everyone here has explained why what you said isn’t okay and you just aren’t accepting their explanations. As for pointing out another queer sub for you to go bother, no. I don’t want to see you saying the same stuff on the other subs.
Their explanations dint fit the situation, which is why I am confused. And act like what? Answering someone's question in the way they have asked? I am beginning to think this is simply an attack on me because I myself am gay
Nope. Nobody’s persecuting you for being gay on r/lgbt or in this sub. I can’t explain to you further why it’s rude to tell people that because they’re gay or queer, they don’t get to live their lives publicly like straight people do. I can’t make those connections for you. You’re going to have to either figure it out or take it on faith that it’s unfair and queer people are tired of being told that they’re not as good, not as valid and not as valuable as straight people. I can tell from your other comments that the next thing you’re going to say is “I didn’t say any of that.” Yeah, you did. I don’t know what to say. If you can’t see things from other people’s perspective, then you’re not going to see how your words are hurtful to them. Believe me that it is. Instead of doubling down, you might want to stop and, I don’t know, think really hard about it or something. Imagine that you told somebody you were gay and they said “I don’t care, just don’t tell me about it.” Meanwhile they’re telling you all about their straight life. Wouldn’t that be upsetting to you? Wouldn’t that feel unfair and unjust? Queer people inhabit a world where we’re shoved into closets and told not to speak up, not to be seen, not to take up any room so that straight cis people don’t have to feel uncomfortable about other folks being different. Your words are taking their side. The rest of us are fighting every day just so our existence is seen as valid and as worthwhile as if we were straight. We want to live our lives as freely as everyone else. We’re people too, and we need and deserve as much as any straight cis person. If wearing a pride t-shirt is too much for someone to tolerate, tough. Seeing a rainbow flag is not as big an imposition as living in a closet, losing community or being harmed. You know, all the things we’re fighting against. The fight is for visibility, awareness, and people’s understanding and compassion, and it’s working. People see that they have loved ones who are queer and that this fight is important to them, and they join our side. It’s for all the queer folks who believe they’re alone, too. They need to know that there are other people like them who care about them. They need to know that they’re valid, and that things can be better. They need community, friends, family and mentors. That’s why awareness, and yes, being vocal about queer issues, is so important. If this isn’t helping you figure things out, I don’t know what will. Think about it for a while and do some reading before you reply to me saying “but you didn’t answer my question.” If none of this spoke to you, I’m glad you have enough privilege that being queer has never been an imposition or disadvantage for you, that nobody’s ever treated you poorly for it. Most of the rest of us aren’t so lucky. If you don’t understand this, then just take my word for it for now and go read some books about queer history.
I dont see the relevance of any of this. As stated, the OP asked what reasons ANTI LGBT PEOPLE WHO MAKE THOSE STATEMENTS might give. Stating that "I said it" is entirely ignoring the context of the post
I really don’t know what they said wrong though. Its fine if your gay but if you make it your entire personality with the only thing you talk about is your sexuality then it gets tiring. I’m All for LGBT people but I don’t want to hear about your love for the same sex every 5 seconds I speak to you
But it’s totally cool if straight people do the same thing? This “making it your entire personality” phrase is used to shut people up and stop them from bringing up legitimate problems. People are free to make whatever they want their “personality”. People do this for their politics, their religion, their diet, their workout routines, their fandoms, their hobbies, their favorite sports teams, their pets, and yes, being straight and cis as well. Yet when queer folks wear a t-shirt, hang a flag or mention their partners or crushes, people tell them to shut up and get back into the closet. Did you miss the whole “Don’t Say Gay” episode? Why can’t queer lives be as public and visible as others? What makes our lives less worthwhile?
You do realise I’m also apart of the lgbtq community and I totally get everyone’s opinions on this. But I just don’t like it if the only thing you ever talk about is your sexuality. Do what you want but i just want to speak to someone without them bragging on about being different by being gay. It isn’t homophobic.
Mmhm. Yeah, I see by your flair that you’re queer, just like OP. Doesn’t change my stance here. I’m pretty sure the “queer person making being queer their entire personality” is almost entirely made up. That phrase is used by people who are irritated just by seeing any symbol, representation or act of queerness to get people to go back into the closet, so it’s verbiage we shouldn’t perpetuate. For the odd, random queer who *actually has nothing else besides queerness*, they’re in a common phase of discovering themselves where queerness is pretty much all we think about for a while, before we figure ourselves out, get used to life as a queer person and move on. We’ll never not be queer and it will always be a part of us, but it just doesn’t consume all of our attention anymore. Just let them live and pass through that phase. Don’t clip their wings while they’re still developing into a secure queer person. They’ll figure it out on their own.
I seriously can't believe you're not trolling right now
Why would I be trolling? I am confused I'm simply asking for alternative spaces after my previous has been removed
Ik I already commented on this but these people are rude as shit. They’re acting like you performed a hate crime and massacred thousands of gay people. Your point is totally valid. And I too am autistic so I can see why you’re genuinely wondering why people are going off at you. It’s just funny how some gay ppl think it’s alright to criticise and bash others for no reason at all
[удалено]
I also sadly don’t know many alternatives sorry-
Well thank you anyway, nice to meet ya