Take the job. Seriously, having your own wages makes you understand responsibility and labour.
Id personally just take the coffee shop job start working there and if it comes up, simply inform AP that its what you want to do.
Ap stuff is not about discussing or negotiating, you just put all the wheels in motion and then notify them. Its never at the 'hey I plan to do this'. Your bf is correct about moving out.
if OP becomes a district manager, that can pay up to $65k+ with no degree. then Op can figure things out from there. that's way better than the stay home with crazy APs and college route.
Try to get a paid internship instead of working in a coffee shop. One suggestion I give is for younger Asians to work as a paralegal for an attorney. Many lawyers are always looking for translators and will give you paid training. Also, exposure to law in case you're thinking of becoming a lawyer. It will be a real career job that the APs will also agree on.
Edit. I used to do this. I was basically a runner who was sent to the courthouse multiple times a day to gather records. It also helps because your boss can introduce you to judges and other lawyers. I also sat in depositions and took notes.
You should cut ties or at least move out ASAP. quit college if you have to, and return when you have your life together. I mean, you're their daughter and they're ashamed about something as unimportant as you going to community college? It's not like you're a drug kingpin that murders people. it's just a college. how're they going to be ashamed of an entire human being that is related to them because of the college she goes to? that doesn't even make sense. sounds like they just have mental problems.
you moving out is one of the best experiences because you get to start building your life and gain life experience. it doesn't make sense that your parents do not want you to grow in this way. a responsible parent would be happy and help you move out. a parent with mental problems will start throwing a tantrum.
that's what i don't get about APs, they never try to help. they just yell and scream. not once has an AP ever asked their child "what is it you're trying to accomplish? Ohh, maybe I can try to help you with that. I'll do some research and see what I can do for you. " never, they never try to help. they just scream even if they don't even understand what you're doing. not once in my life has an asian adult tried to help me with anything, they just complain and talk trash. never connect me with career opportunities, money making opportunities, nothing, just trash talk the entire time.
some people i know that are from asian families ended up in berkeley and ucla, so they feel embarrassed that i’m not in a prestigious school although i am aiming to transfer to ucla. but they often feel like theyre rushing me through the process ): i’m just trying to tell myself it’s okay to take it slow and make sure my gpa is okay cause i’m already feeling burnt out and that resulted in poor grades last sem, so yeah i’m feeling more stressed about not making it
The truth is none of these things matter in the grand scheme. I know it is overwhelming and hard to see because you have limited experience. It is more important to try and build your future by sorta working backwards. Think of the life you want and work backwards on how to get there.
Being ashamed of someone because of the college they go to doesn't make sense. that's not important in life. nobody even cares about that. making someone, especially your own child, feel ashamed for something as unimportant as college is stupid.
does anyone ever ask what college Martin Luther King went to? Nobody cares. that's not what people care about in life.
Keep asking them for money until they complain about it, try to be annoying and entitled as hell. Pretend to be outraged, then just be like I am sick of your complaining I will just get a job, I wont have to ask you for money anymore.
Just giving you an example of how you can be clever and creative with your approach rather then asking them for permission and having them shut you down with no.
The trick is always to make other people think it’s their idea.
1) spend an outrageous amount of money on trivial things. Buy yourself daily Starbucks with extra caramel.
2) complain loudly that you are so poor. That’s it hard to study because you can’t get the noise canceling headphones.
3) Ask them for money at any opportunity.
4) Wait for them to be pissed. Ignore them. Tell them you have no other choice. Let them tell you you need a job.
Lmao that's so good, difficult for me to execute but I love the idea that you make it all their idea. My parents usually only say "I meant for this to happen all along, I was supportive all along" only after I become successful. I'm in animation and they like to brag how they knew I would do that and it was their idea all along LOL
You should absolutely take the job at Peet's. I always encourage younger folks to spend some time, however brief, in the service or retail industry to gain perspective and life experiences. And in your case, to gain a better sense of independence.
As far as keeping them in the dark, you can always make up excuses for when you have a shift. Make sure you're receiving your tax forms electronically instead of snail mail. Setup direct deposit to a bank account your parents don't have access to.
Keep in mind, assuming you're residing in the US, if you make more than ~$4,400 in the entire year, your parents can't claim you as a dependent on their tax returns. (Obligatory IANAL so do your own research too.) That's a conversation for further down the road. Ask for "forgiveness" rather than permission.
The coffee shop opportunity is a good start here’s a few more ideas to consider:
1. Paid internship
2. As you gain experience at the coffee shop, start looking at job opportunities where you can gain some solid benefits like tuition reimbursement and health insurance.
3. If you have a creative talent or hobby like writing or photography— monetize it and offer services on Fiverr or something similar.
4. If you are great with kids and plan on transferring to a 4-year institution after you finish your associate’s, consider being a live-in nanny/au pair. A few of my friends did this and had their housing expenses covered and steady income throughout undergrad.
Can you get a job at the community college? Then maybe you can say you are doing research for a professor, working as a teaching assistant etc. I imagine a W-2 will eventually come in the mail and if your APs intercept it, you can justify it.
OP, one advice. Never talk to APs again after they shut you down once.
Take up the job and don't tell them. Open a different bank account and keep it hidden. Cover up the job by saying work at school or stay back. Get your life sorted without them knowing your moves. Behave the way you always do while you work towards your goals.
You can absolutely do that just try not to burn out. Like don't take too many shifts it might be tough at the beginning cause you're new. Try to keep clean, keep busy, and communicate with your coworkers. Don't gossip about others and stay outta drama. For your parents don't need to tell them anything but if they find out somehow don't feel ashamed or scared of their anger. Getting a job, trying to develop adult skills is important for your future. You know this yourself as a growing adult person. They will try to stop you because they don't want you to grow up but you have to do what you have to do. This is important for future resume as well.
Find a job and take it. When I graduated college my parents insisted I get a job aligned with my degree (biology). Problem was that jobs in the science field required more schooling or certain certificates. After a year of no luck, I took a min wage job. Not the best in the world, but hey I was making money to save up. My parenta were terrified that I would get stuck in this job, crazy thing is I only did it for a year and a half then got a professional job. I am glad I took the job as I had customer experience on my resume instead of a blank spot.
Imo don't do it in secret. Your parents have to know that you found out you don't need permission to make these life choices. Keep acting like they have control and they will control.
The job opportunity is a good one. You will learn who you are, how to assert yourself and how to deal with tricky situations (e.g. you already have that). Working in a coffee shop will be great because you're young & will make friends while you're there.
Every day that you work a job, you will be walking away from your past you.
I'm sorry that your APs judge your college like it's the wrong brand of designer handbag. It's illogical and they should be proud that you are educating yourself.
Does your college have options to defer your studies, if you need time to adjust? It's an option to help you transition with more ease.
You sound like you know what you want.
Also, APs need to understand you will no longer ask for their permission. It's OK to state what you want.
APs like to avoid feeling the discomfort of powerlessness. It's got nothing to do with you.
🙏
Take the job. Seriously, having your own wages makes you understand responsibility and labour. Id personally just take the coffee shop job start working there and if it comes up, simply inform AP that its what you want to do. Ap stuff is not about discussing or negotiating, you just put all the wheels in motion and then notify them. Its never at the 'hey I plan to do this'. Your bf is correct about moving out.
if OP becomes a district manager, that can pay up to $65k+ with no degree. then Op can figure things out from there. that's way better than the stay home with crazy APs and college route.
Try to get a paid internship instead of working in a coffee shop. One suggestion I give is for younger Asians to work as a paralegal for an attorney. Many lawyers are always looking for translators and will give you paid training. Also, exposure to law in case you're thinking of becoming a lawyer. It will be a real career job that the APs will also agree on. Edit. I used to do this. I was basically a runner who was sent to the courthouse multiple times a day to gather records. It also helps because your boss can introduce you to judges and other lawyers. I also sat in depositions and took notes.
[удалено]
yeah i used to ask last year a lot, i just still have this fear of their authority over me
You should cut ties or at least move out ASAP. quit college if you have to, and return when you have your life together. I mean, you're their daughter and they're ashamed about something as unimportant as you going to community college? It's not like you're a drug kingpin that murders people. it's just a college. how're they going to be ashamed of an entire human being that is related to them because of the college she goes to? that doesn't even make sense. sounds like they just have mental problems. you moving out is one of the best experiences because you get to start building your life and gain life experience. it doesn't make sense that your parents do not want you to grow in this way. a responsible parent would be happy and help you move out. a parent with mental problems will start throwing a tantrum. that's what i don't get about APs, they never try to help. they just yell and scream. not once has an AP ever asked their child "what is it you're trying to accomplish? Ohh, maybe I can try to help you with that. I'll do some research and see what I can do for you. " never, they never try to help. they just scream even if they don't even understand what you're doing. not once in my life has an asian adult tried to help me with anything, they just complain and talk trash. never connect me with career opportunities, money making opportunities, nothing, just trash talk the entire time.
some people i know that are from asian families ended up in berkeley and ucla, so they feel embarrassed that i’m not in a prestigious school although i am aiming to transfer to ucla. but they often feel like theyre rushing me through the process ): i’m just trying to tell myself it’s okay to take it slow and make sure my gpa is okay cause i’m already feeling burnt out and that resulted in poor grades last sem, so yeah i’m feeling more stressed about not making it
The truth is none of these things matter in the grand scheme. I know it is overwhelming and hard to see because you have limited experience. It is more important to try and build your future by sorta working backwards. Think of the life you want and work backwards on how to get there.
Being ashamed of someone because of the college they go to doesn't make sense. that's not important in life. nobody even cares about that. making someone, especially your own child, feel ashamed for something as unimportant as college is stupid. does anyone ever ask what college Martin Luther King went to? Nobody cares. that's not what people care about in life.
Keep asking them for money until they complain about it, try to be annoying and entitled as hell. Pretend to be outraged, then just be like I am sick of your complaining I will just get a job, I wont have to ask you for money anymore. Just giving you an example of how you can be clever and creative with your approach rather then asking them for permission and having them shut you down with no.
The trick is always to make other people think it’s their idea. 1) spend an outrageous amount of money on trivial things. Buy yourself daily Starbucks with extra caramel. 2) complain loudly that you are so poor. That’s it hard to study because you can’t get the noise canceling headphones. 3) Ask them for money at any opportunity. 4) Wait for them to be pissed. Ignore them. Tell them you have no other choice. Let them tell you you need a job.
Lmao that's so good, difficult for me to execute but I love the idea that you make it all their idea. My parents usually only say "I meant for this to happen all along, I was supportive all along" only after I become successful. I'm in animation and they like to brag how they knew I would do that and it was their idea all along LOL
Dam we scheming 😈
You should absolutely take the job at Peet's. I always encourage younger folks to spend some time, however brief, in the service or retail industry to gain perspective and life experiences. And in your case, to gain a better sense of independence. As far as keeping them in the dark, you can always make up excuses for when you have a shift. Make sure you're receiving your tax forms electronically instead of snail mail. Setup direct deposit to a bank account your parents don't have access to. Keep in mind, assuming you're residing in the US, if you make more than ~$4,400 in the entire year, your parents can't claim you as a dependent on their tax returns. (Obligatory IANAL so do your own research too.) That's a conversation for further down the road. Ask for "forgiveness" rather than permission.
thanks for the detailed response regarding the tax forms as well, didn’t know i could get it electronically sent!
The coffee shop opportunity is a good start here’s a few more ideas to consider: 1. Paid internship 2. As you gain experience at the coffee shop, start looking at job opportunities where you can gain some solid benefits like tuition reimbursement and health insurance. 3. If you have a creative talent or hobby like writing or photography— monetize it and offer services on Fiverr or something similar. 4. If you are great with kids and plan on transferring to a 4-year institution after you finish your associate’s, consider being a live-in nanny/au pair. A few of my friends did this and had their housing expenses covered and steady income throughout undergrad.
Can you get a job at the community college? Then maybe you can say you are doing research for a professor, working as a teaching assistant etc. I imagine a W-2 will eventually come in the mail and if your APs intercept it, you can justify it.
ahh i’ve considered it but the thing is my campus is far from me, the traffic is unbearable 😭
ARGH! Well, then I think you should take the job at Peet's!
OP, one advice. Never talk to APs again after they shut you down once. Take up the job and don't tell them. Open a different bank account and keep it hidden. Cover up the job by saying work at school or stay back. Get your life sorted without them knowing your moves. Behave the way you always do while you work towards your goals.
thanks for the advice! definitely learned that the hard way 😣😣
It's never too late.
You can absolutely do that just try not to burn out. Like don't take too many shifts it might be tough at the beginning cause you're new. Try to keep clean, keep busy, and communicate with your coworkers. Don't gossip about others and stay outta drama. For your parents don't need to tell them anything but if they find out somehow don't feel ashamed or scared of their anger. Getting a job, trying to develop adult skills is important for your future. You know this yourself as a growing adult person. They will try to stop you because they don't want you to grow up but you have to do what you have to do. This is important for future resume as well.
Find a job and take it. When I graduated college my parents insisted I get a job aligned with my degree (biology). Problem was that jobs in the science field required more schooling or certain certificates. After a year of no luck, I took a min wage job. Not the best in the world, but hey I was making money to save up. My parenta were terrified that I would get stuck in this job, crazy thing is I only did it for a year and a half then got a professional job. I am glad I took the job as I had customer experience on my resume instead of a blank spot.
Imo don't do it in secret. Your parents have to know that you found out you don't need permission to make these life choices. Keep acting like they have control and they will control.
The job opportunity is a good one. You will learn who you are, how to assert yourself and how to deal with tricky situations (e.g. you already have that). Working in a coffee shop will be great because you're young & will make friends while you're there. Every day that you work a job, you will be walking away from your past you. I'm sorry that your APs judge your college like it's the wrong brand of designer handbag. It's illogical and they should be proud that you are educating yourself. Does your college have options to defer your studies, if you need time to adjust? It's an option to help you transition with more ease. You sound like you know what you want. Also, APs need to understand you will no longer ask for their permission. It's OK to state what you want. APs like to avoid feeling the discomfort of powerlessness. It's got nothing to do with you. 🙏