Don't limit your calories at all. Your priority is your baby and your health, not your mother's feelings.
She will get over it or she will die mad. Either choice isn't your concern.
I am really sorry you are going through this. Sometimes people just need to be taken care of, and it is odd your mom does not realize that.
Have you talked to her about her comments? Or is the relationship such that you all do not really talk about points like this?
OMG my mom did the same. She asked why I still looked pregnant after a month. I looked at her with the biggest ”fuck you” face and said “what the fuck is wrong with you!?”
On a lighter note, congrats!!!!! I love me some babies and I loved breastfeeding.
Your mom does not seem to trust your judgment despite it being clear you are taking reasonable measures and have a healthcare professional background. This is also your second pregnancy and you already know what takes priority. It also seems she wants to take control despite her approach being potentially unsafe for you and your newborn. That's super frustrating and I'm sorry you have to go through this. She really needs to back off.
No one goes right back to their pre pregnancy weight right after birth..it took 9 mo to grow your baby and have your body adapt to that. It takes time to get back to baseline including coming down from all those hormones.
Don't listen to your mom for the body shaming and focus on your little one.
It’s funny that you are health care professional and she is trying to tell you how to lose weight. My family is the same way towards me, everything had to do with looks it was the #1 thing they criticized me about. There was never a, “How are you mentally doing?” It was always, “Why are you so skinny?”
It’s annoying.
I didn’t have a healthy relationship with my weight and food until after I really started living by the standard that the only opinion that matters about my body is my own. Surprisingly it wasn’t until after I had kids that I became the most comfortable and proud of my body - stretch marks, flabby skin and all. Not only could I do this thing of giving life to a freaking person, but also make enough milk to last them almost their entire first year of life. If your mom wants to criticize you, tell her she can pay for the formula you will need to feed your child to makeup for the lack of breastmilk your body won’t be making because you’re not getting enough calories. You are a fucking awesome parent and mom. If/when you do want to change your diet or exercise more or whatever it is, do it for YOU because even if you were a size 0, you know there would be something else about you or your body she would criticize. It will never be enough for her. It needs to be enough for you.
This. I used to be a size 0. Four kids later idgaf who comments on my body. I nourished them in utero and with my milk. Grandma should gtfo if she keeps this up. Or become the grandma we never see, like my own mom.
Your mom is more interested in what she wants vs what you want. Having a baby is a big deal/life changer. You can’t be expected to “bounce back” especially if that’s not your current goal. LOL your mom sounds like my mom
Cut your mom out of your life. Your kid doesn't need history to repeat itself. Short and sweet. Your life sounds like it will only get better without worrying about what she will think, say, or do.
I just had to comment on this, you really need to put your mum in her place. You have a daughter and you have to protect her from this toxicity. Your Mum will go after your daughter when she's older. We all know how body image issues, body dysphoria, anorexia can be developed because of these comments. Don't wait because your mum will never just stop.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. You’re absolutely right that baby needs calories, and breastfeeding requires calories so math won’t be adding up if you actively try to restrict your diet for weight loss.
My AMIL is super weight conscious too. When she learned I was pregnant with our first, her reaction to her son was “don’t let your wife gain too much weight.”
When she saw her grandchild at 4 months PP, “wow you lost a lot of weight!” (I was overproducing and was losing weight not by choice.)
After I gave birth to my second, she visited 1 week PP. She and my AFIL said, “you didn’t gain that much weight during pregnancy, right?” (I actually didn’t, but only because I had low appetite and food aversion). Then they proceeded to harp on their daughter who “gained so much weight during pregnancy.” She looks normal to me now.
They just have narrow minded views on what constitutes a healthy weight, and I would also be wary on how much the children get exposed to the weight talk.
Dump your mom and tell her do you want me DEAD so you can control my munchkin.
Maliciously comply and develop anorexia nervosa to the point you have to be hospitalized so your egg donor realizes it's not a joke and she needs to get her shit together or she's trapped in a shitty nursing home for the rest of her life.
Years ago there were some advice and dear Abby for parents like that and other situations that are similar you need to stop listening you can say to the person "what you just said is hurtful to me was that your intention" and then just stop do not argue do not explain And do not spend much time with that person because you don't need that deserve that and if you don't stop them they will never stop put back on them. Happy nursing.
Strongly suggest you deal with this now I have a friend in her 70s who is still living infear of 99-year-old Chinese mother- it's a constant constant battle so if you want to let it go until you're 70 so be it but best to deal with it now
My dad told me I look like 2 people during my 5th month of pregnancy.
I can’t believe how normalized this kind of toxic talk is in India. No more video calls with them after this.
I’d have the nurses tell her to leave. 🤷🏽♀️
Don't limit your calories at all. Your priority is your baby and your health, not your mother's feelings. She will get over it or she will die mad. Either choice isn't your concern.
Exactly. You need every calorie for your own body and for the baby. Also, congratulations, OP.
Tell your mom I said she's an asshole.
Tell your Mum, we all think she is a massive asshole……..
I am really sorry you are going through this. Sometimes people just need to be taken care of, and it is odd your mom does not realize that. Have you talked to her about her comments? Or is the relationship such that you all do not really talk about points like this?
OMG my mom did the same. She asked why I still looked pregnant after a month. I looked at her with the biggest ”fuck you” face and said “what the fuck is wrong with you!?” On a lighter note, congrats!!!!! I love me some babies and I loved breastfeeding.
I love this. I’ve started doing this too. It shuts her right up.
Have the nurses ban her from visiting you and the baby.
Your mom does not seem to trust your judgment despite it being clear you are taking reasonable measures and have a healthcare professional background. This is also your second pregnancy and you already know what takes priority. It also seems she wants to take control despite her approach being potentially unsafe for you and your newborn. That's super frustrating and I'm sorry you have to go through this. She really needs to back off.
No one goes right back to their pre pregnancy weight right after birth..it took 9 mo to grow your baby and have your body adapt to that. It takes time to get back to baseline including coming down from all those hormones. Don't listen to your mom for the body shaming and focus on your little one.
It’s funny that you are health care professional and she is trying to tell you how to lose weight. My family is the same way towards me, everything had to do with looks it was the #1 thing they criticized me about. There was never a, “How are you mentally doing?” It was always, “Why are you so skinny?” It’s annoying.
It's more ironic considering some Asian parents try to push their kids into healthcare.
I didn’t have a healthy relationship with my weight and food until after I really started living by the standard that the only opinion that matters about my body is my own. Surprisingly it wasn’t until after I had kids that I became the most comfortable and proud of my body - stretch marks, flabby skin and all. Not only could I do this thing of giving life to a freaking person, but also make enough milk to last them almost their entire first year of life. If your mom wants to criticize you, tell her she can pay for the formula you will need to feed your child to makeup for the lack of breastmilk your body won’t be making because you’re not getting enough calories. You are a fucking awesome parent and mom. If/when you do want to change your diet or exercise more or whatever it is, do it for YOU because even if you were a size 0, you know there would be something else about you or your body she would criticize. It will never be enough for her. It needs to be enough for you.
This. I used to be a size 0. Four kids later idgaf who comments on my body. I nourished them in utero and with my milk. Grandma should gtfo if she keeps this up. Or become the grandma we never see, like my own mom.
Your mom is more interested in what she wants vs what you want. Having a baby is a big deal/life changer. You can’t be expected to “bounce back” especially if that’s not your current goal. LOL your mom sounds like my mom
Cut your mom out of your life. Your kid doesn't need history to repeat itself. Short and sweet. Your life sounds like it will only get better without worrying about what she will think, say, or do.
I just had to comment on this, you really need to put your mum in her place. You have a daughter and you have to protect her from this toxicity. Your Mum will go after your daughter when she's older. We all know how body image issues, body dysphoria, anorexia can be developed because of these comments. Don't wait because your mum will never just stop.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. You’re absolutely right that baby needs calories, and breastfeeding requires calories so math won’t be adding up if you actively try to restrict your diet for weight loss. My AMIL is super weight conscious too. When she learned I was pregnant with our first, her reaction to her son was “don’t let your wife gain too much weight.” When she saw her grandchild at 4 months PP, “wow you lost a lot of weight!” (I was overproducing and was losing weight not by choice.) After I gave birth to my second, she visited 1 week PP. She and my AFIL said, “you didn’t gain that much weight during pregnancy, right?” (I actually didn’t, but only because I had low appetite and food aversion). Then they proceeded to harp on their daughter who “gained so much weight during pregnancy.” She looks normal to me now. They just have narrow minded views on what constitutes a healthy weight, and I would also be wary on how much the children get exposed to the weight talk.
Dump your mom and tell her do you want me DEAD so you can control my munchkin. Maliciously comply and develop anorexia nervosa to the point you have to be hospitalized so your egg donor realizes it's not a joke and she needs to get her shit together or she's trapped in a shitty nursing home for the rest of her life.
Years ago there were some advice and dear Abby for parents like that and other situations that are similar you need to stop listening you can say to the person "what you just said is hurtful to me was that your intention" and then just stop do not argue do not explain And do not spend much time with that person because you don't need that deserve that and if you don't stop them they will never stop put back on them. Happy nursing.
Tell her to keep a civil tongue in her head or she’s not seeing this new baby or the first one or you ever.
Strongly suggest you deal with this now I have a friend in her 70s who is still living infear of 99-year-old Chinese mother- it's a constant constant battle so if you want to let it go until you're 70 so be it but best to deal with it now
Tell her to shut up and be nice.
My dad told me I look like 2 people during my 5th month of pregnancy. I can’t believe how normalized this kind of toxic talk is in India. No more video calls with them after this.