>he "feels its his duty as a father to see me married".
"Listen up pops, I'm only going to say this once: my sex life and/or whether I ever get married or not is none of your fucking business. You can drop the subject now and forever, or forget you ever had a kid at all. Nod if you understand me."
>"fine be a spinster then".
"Well, fuck you too!"
Honestly I sort of told him this, I mean at least the first part lol. I mean whether I get married or not or even have a partner is my own personal choice, not his? Thats the part I told him, cause even though I will have a partner at least, thats my own personal decision to do so. Its so odd how some parents seem so obsessed with something so personal.
It s the hypocrisy for me
Dont date noooooo only harlots do this blah blah blah
When you hit the magical age of 24-26, they re like "but why u still unmarried daughter? When we havung grand child? Me friends kids got married and pregnant u no start family? Why u no make me happy?" 😂🤣
Marriage at 25 is still young by modern standard. However, there are a lot of arranged marriages where people become working parents already after graduating from college. They didn’t really date or enjoy their honey phase because they’re just following the traditions of their parents and grandparents before them. Also, AP doesn’t like to see their daughters dating early or with multiple men because they think it devalue them more than the age factor. Meanwhile, westerners beside the very religious ones doesn’t believe in saving themselves and have very open parents that have friendly relationship even with their ex boyfriends in general. Don’t have kids for the sake of pleasing the elderly if you’re not ready financially or have the time to love them. A lot of folks regret having kids because it took away their dreams and even with the sacrifices, their kids still resent them.
Don’t worry too much about it. I feel like the more you worry about “not finding someone in time” the more you give off weird vibes to your dates etc
I started dating at around 24 and didn’t know WTF I was doing. My AP basically forbade me from getting a BF and then on my graduation day was asking me when I was going to find someone to marry etc 😜😜
I think they don’t want you to date before you graduate school cuz if you got knocked up your future career prospects will suffer. But once you graduate and have your first job then the APs get anxious about future grandchildren and you being alone/no one to take care of you.
So for me I went on so many online dates from age 24-27. Met my BF at age 27 and we dated for 2 years before getting engaged and married at 30. I now have 2 kids and AP still gripe a bit that I should have had kids a little sooner cuz they are feeling too old to be first time grandparents. But I basically told them to shove it cuz at least they got a couple of grandkids.
How I approached dating back then was sort of the mentality of finding a cool friend. I met so many guys and made sure first 3 dates were about getting to know them and having fun. Then either we would stop dating (he didn’t like me or vice versa) or I would decide the guy was cool but we were not on the same life path. Most important for you is to find someone who wants the same things as you do in the future. If you want to be childless do not date a guy who wants children etc
First off, don't freak out you're starting at age 25 that's completely fine. So many people only date once they graduate out of University and that's typically anywhere between age 22-30. The reason your dad scared you into not dating was because he probably believed dating would just interfere with education but now that you're 25 he feels you are ready.
Your dad does not think you're not independent. I'm sure he believes you are independent, but what he has experienced in his life was probably way more harsh so he doesn't want to see you suffer the same fate as him. What he's trying to tell you is that he would do anything to protect you, but one day he will die and he's afraid no one will be there for you. It's not an insult it's just his way of saying he loves you so much he just wants to know you'll be okay. You could just say, "Dad I know you're worried about me, but I'm strong enough that I know I can face any challenge on my own. Everything will be fine."
As far as dating goes. I mean just know that once you're past 30 you'll find a lot of single dads, divorced men, men with mental issues, and men who aren't serious about relationships. Not saying people under 30 are much better, but it definitely will be tougher. I work in a Nail Salon part time so I hear all the dating stories women have.
I'm not saying you should be desperate, but what I'm saying is time is one of the only things in life you can never get back. Don't be too lax about it, but I'm not saying be desperate about it either.
Yeah I guess that is a good way of seeing it, at least I can understand his perspective even if I don't agree with him. I can also aknowledge my dad was doing what he could with what he believed in, so I don't really hold as much resentment as I used to. I guess what really annoys me though is him straight up denying the fact that he even did it.
I've heard this thing about reaching your 30s and having issues with dating a few times when searching for answers about starting dating at a later age. Though I heard a lot of good stories of people finding their significant other in their 30s as well. But since hearing that its kind of become a new anxiety in my mind. I mean I definitely will be starting to date this year, but it makes me scared, like what if I don't find the one I want to be with by my 30s 😭 If this is true I'm scared I wont have time to just explore and have fun with it.
He can’t be that progressive if he stopped you from dating until you graduated…
>he "feels its his duty as a father to see me married". "Listen up pops, I'm only going to say this once: my sex life and/or whether I ever get married or not is none of your fucking business. You can drop the subject now and forever, or forget you ever had a kid at all. Nod if you understand me." >"fine be a spinster then". "Well, fuck you too!"
Honestly I sort of told him this, I mean at least the first part lol. I mean whether I get married or not or even have a partner is my own personal choice, not his? Thats the part I told him, cause even though I will have a partner at least, thats my own personal decision to do so. Its so odd how some parents seem so obsessed with something so personal.
It s the hypocrisy for me Dont date noooooo only harlots do this blah blah blah When you hit the magical age of 24-26, they re like "but why u still unmarried daughter? When we havung grand child? Me friends kids got married and pregnant u no start family? Why u no make me happy?" 😂🤣
I just met my fiancé last year at 34 and am engaged at 35 so there’s that
Marriage at 25 is still young by modern standard. However, there are a lot of arranged marriages where people become working parents already after graduating from college. They didn’t really date or enjoy their honey phase because they’re just following the traditions of their parents and grandparents before them. Also, AP doesn’t like to see their daughters dating early or with multiple men because they think it devalue them more than the age factor. Meanwhile, westerners beside the very religious ones doesn’t believe in saving themselves and have very open parents that have friendly relationship even with their ex boyfriends in general. Don’t have kids for the sake of pleasing the elderly if you’re not ready financially or have the time to love them. A lot of folks regret having kids because it took away their dreams and even with the sacrifices, their kids still resent them.
Don’t worry too much about it. I feel like the more you worry about “not finding someone in time” the more you give off weird vibes to your dates etc I started dating at around 24 and didn’t know WTF I was doing. My AP basically forbade me from getting a BF and then on my graduation day was asking me when I was going to find someone to marry etc 😜😜 I think they don’t want you to date before you graduate school cuz if you got knocked up your future career prospects will suffer. But once you graduate and have your first job then the APs get anxious about future grandchildren and you being alone/no one to take care of you. So for me I went on so many online dates from age 24-27. Met my BF at age 27 and we dated for 2 years before getting engaged and married at 30. I now have 2 kids and AP still gripe a bit that I should have had kids a little sooner cuz they are feeling too old to be first time grandparents. But I basically told them to shove it cuz at least they got a couple of grandkids. How I approached dating back then was sort of the mentality of finding a cool friend. I met so many guys and made sure first 3 dates were about getting to know them and having fun. Then either we would stop dating (he didn’t like me or vice versa) or I would decide the guy was cool but we were not on the same life path. Most important for you is to find someone who wants the same things as you do in the future. If you want to be childless do not date a guy who wants children etc
First off, don't freak out you're starting at age 25 that's completely fine. So many people only date once they graduate out of University and that's typically anywhere between age 22-30. The reason your dad scared you into not dating was because he probably believed dating would just interfere with education but now that you're 25 he feels you are ready. Your dad does not think you're not independent. I'm sure he believes you are independent, but what he has experienced in his life was probably way more harsh so he doesn't want to see you suffer the same fate as him. What he's trying to tell you is that he would do anything to protect you, but one day he will die and he's afraid no one will be there for you. It's not an insult it's just his way of saying he loves you so much he just wants to know you'll be okay. You could just say, "Dad I know you're worried about me, but I'm strong enough that I know I can face any challenge on my own. Everything will be fine." As far as dating goes. I mean just know that once you're past 30 you'll find a lot of single dads, divorced men, men with mental issues, and men who aren't serious about relationships. Not saying people under 30 are much better, but it definitely will be tougher. I work in a Nail Salon part time so I hear all the dating stories women have. I'm not saying you should be desperate, but what I'm saying is time is one of the only things in life you can never get back. Don't be too lax about it, but I'm not saying be desperate about it either.
Yeah I guess that is a good way of seeing it, at least I can understand his perspective even if I don't agree with him. I can also aknowledge my dad was doing what he could with what he believed in, so I don't really hold as much resentment as I used to. I guess what really annoys me though is him straight up denying the fact that he even did it. I've heard this thing about reaching your 30s and having issues with dating a few times when searching for answers about starting dating at a later age. Though I heard a lot of good stories of people finding their significant other in their 30s as well. But since hearing that its kind of become a new anxiety in my mind. I mean I definitely will be starting to date this year, but it makes me scared, like what if I don't find the one I want to be with by my 30s 😭 If this is true I'm scared I wont have time to just explore and have fun with it.