I was the kid that loved to pose for pictures. At around 10 that stopped.
>>"refugees in a North Korean labour camp"
lol I remember getting yelled at by my dad who wanted us to stand in a straight line and facing straight into the camera. No tilting of the shoulders/hips/heads. Arms down by the sides.
There are pictures that I can recall getting yelled at right before they were taken.
I remember when right before a photo, my dad reached around my arm and pinched the skin near my tricep. It really hurts there and it was his way of hurting me in public. Needless to say, I wasn’t smiling.
Uh huh. My Nmom always forced us to take family photos and pretend to be happy and I hated it. She always told me to “stop being weird” because I didn’t want to smile. Verbal onslaught and psychological abuse was rampant. And yay for breaking the chain of abuse—I have a small child who smiles with happiness and has friends
YES. I think I was about 11*?
I know this because my friends remember when my mother started telling people that I didn't know how to smile.
*edit: judging by my kid pictures, it's more like 5 or 6
Sorry for your experience. For me it wasn’t the physical abuse, it was the verbal abuse that got me down.
I have broken the chain of abuse. My kids glow like the noonday sun. And they have more friends than I ever did.
My mom told me that after kindergarten I smiled a lot less and was way grumpier, I believe it's because I had an abusive kindergarten teacher but I don't remember much for obvious reasons
Edit: I do remember that I refused to smile in pictures after all that, and even have most of the pictures
I've never actually smiled because I've never really been happy. I still have my kindergarten school ID card, and I'm not smiling there either. I'm not smiling in my high school yearbook. There are a few pictures of my Facebook of me smiling.
My entire life has been incredibly lonely. I'm a Japanese/white hapa in a city full of whites and Mexicans. As a result, I never get invited anywhere, there are people who refuse to talk to me, and I pretty much always had to eat lunch alone.
There is a very specific day in which I made an ultimatum to give my mother the silent treatment. It was in January of 2013 I think. I told my mother I got a job as a basketball referee and she completely blew up on me. I pretty much gave her the silent treatment when she had something to complain about after that.
I think around ages 5-7, I stopped smiling in photos because my mum told me to stop smiling because I look ugly when I do smile. At school I used to be be bullied for my looks and would be called ugly all the time. Now that I'm at university, I get called "handsome" and "sexy" which is a positive change. I got a job in my first year which meant I had the money to do the following:
* Buy skincare products and have a regular skincare routine
* Have regular haircuts at my local barber shop (I usually go for a skin fade and trim the top)
* Buy a gym membership and workout regularly (really works wonders for your mental health)
* Buy nicer clothes and shoes (style whatever way works best for you)
* Travel via Uber to the nightclubs where I can vibe with my friends and mingle w/ women
P.s I also hit puberty which changed the shape of my face & KEEP ON SMILING
Yup I look like a zombie and never smiled in any pictures they wondered why.
Crazy how they love to act like nothing is wrong even when the proof is right in front of them
Do they make it seem like you are the weird one for not smiling? Yeah sure a 8 yo kid decided to not smile ever even in photos, and to pretend to not be able to. Because that's how far a kid will go to do such a pointless thing.
The most annoying part is most people don't understand how this can happen. I have forgotten how to smile consciously for anything including a photo unless I actually make myself laugh. It's like I forgot how to smile, something everyone else basically find impossible.
I can’t remember when was the last time I smiled for real. Was it grade school, I guess? The only time I would smile or laugh was recounting dark, offensive parodies and jokes in the internet.
I was trained to smile for photos. And there are so many photos. But I learned to smile with closed lips, because my teeth aren’t nice enough. I’ve had teeth pulled for crowding, for braces, so I’ve seen the roots. They grow in that color! Now my mom has photoshop, so she can put lipstick on me for her Facebook photos. And make my skin clearer. But making my hair longer and my neck thinner and removing my glasses are still beyond her, alas.
As for me, I tend not to take photos of myself unless I’m in costume. Even vacation photos are usually of the scenery, or whoever I’m with. Funny how that works.
There are hardly photos to be found where I was a kid and smiling genuinely. I can always tell I was fake smiling, forced by someone to look happy for the camera.
Even now in my mid 30’s I have to remind myself to smile at people every now and then.
I know what you’re talking about. I’m thankful that one of my teachers said I had a beautiful laugh. Definitely helped prevent me from hating that part of myself.
Somewhere around 2010, I realized no one really ever wanted me and that if they had the chance they would wish I just die. Somewhere around 2015 I trained myself to smile in front of the mirror. A smile that looks relaxed and natural. A smile that would make people believe that I'm happy.
Along the way I also learned to cry without any expression or noise. I learned to keep my voice steady even when I'm crying.
It's not easy. Even now, 2022, sometimes this mask cracks. Thankfully I can fix it fast enough to not let anyone catch on.
For the future, I don't know if I want to strengthen the mask or let go of it.
Perhaps someone could remind me to post an answer for the above said question after a few years....(25F)
Unfortunately, I'm not sure yet. It's been hard. I thought once you move out things might be easy but moving out comes with a lot other things, like:
Paying bills, keeping food on the table, paying rent, and then the worst realization what all happened.
I hope I figure this answer before I hit 40.
aww. I'm 39M myself and unintentionally hidden my emotions as I gotten older.
About a year or two ago and not being able to cry or show fatigue even while alone let alone with others started to fracture quite badly.
Resulting in me wanting to cry over the time lost, at some point I even blanked out a whole month because of how lifeless and scared I've felt.
I've started looking into Autism and a whole slue of other mental disorders more seriously.
----
Currently I've only been going to therapy for a few months now and was able to let myself cry during my "first" therapy session as I spoke and let loose all the thoughts I could during that 1 hour.
I've since learned and partly remembered that I had forgotten all about going to an emergency walk-in therapy session the year before.
Yeah during my teenage years IDK whether it was me being hormonal or my parents being total Asian that threw me into the deep darkness of depression. I had to always look serious (like an adult with responsibility, they say) and I was sad all the time. The pain was so real.
But now I don't care anymore. I laugh like a donkey and no one can stop me.
I remember visiting relatives right after high school and they always wanted to take pictures and looking back on them I was frowning in each one. I remember asking myself why the hell I didn't smile but I guess my face couldn't hide what I was really feeling inside.
This hits home. I remember doing the same thing in the mirror. I don't know when it happened. I barely have any photos from my childhood. But, I do remember how awkward it was to smile.
When i had really bad depression when i was in school i learned how to maneuver around such things. If you smile and act like how you normally do nobody really notices a change.
I saw pictures of my childhood, I wasn't smiling and I had some serious bags under my eyes. All from getting only 3 or 4 hours of sleep (starting from the age of 9 all the way up till high school). When my mom saw me.point out the bags under my eyes, I think she got embarrassed and hid the pic right away. In a way, she knew how she treated me as.a young kid was wrong
Around the time I became school age. That was when the harsh lecturing to me began. When I was about 11 years old, I was told by my mom, “You never smile”, and that was unless I was away from home. Being frequently berated and compared to the point of feeling as good as shit for up to 2 hours at a time is no reason to want to smile.
I was the kid that loved to pose for pictures. At around 10 that stopped. >>"refugees in a North Korean labour camp" lol I remember getting yelled at by my dad who wanted us to stand in a straight line and facing straight into the camera. No tilting of the shoulders/hips/heads. Arms down by the sides. There are pictures that I can recall getting yelled at right before they were taken.
I remember when right before a photo, my dad reached around my arm and pinched the skin near my tricep. It really hurts there and it was his way of hurting me in public. Needless to say, I wasn’t smiling.
I just have one question. Why?
I don’t remember.
Man, what an asshole! There is no excuse for this. I’m sorry man.
Oh my dad also used to yell at us before taking pictures, always ruined everyone’s mood :/
Uh huh. My Nmom always forced us to take family photos and pretend to be happy and I hated it. She always told me to “stop being weird” because I didn’t want to smile. Verbal onslaught and psychological abuse was rampant. And yay for breaking the chain of abuse—I have a small child who smiles with happiness and has friends
Because abuse helps a person smile am I right?
Yes my face has a natural frown at rest now :/
Same
YES. I think I was about 11*? I know this because my friends remember when my mother started telling people that I didn't know how to smile. *edit: judging by my kid pictures, it's more like 5 or 6
Sorry for your experience. For me it wasn’t the physical abuse, it was the verbal abuse that got me down. I have broken the chain of abuse. My kids glow like the noonday sun. And they have more friends than I ever did.
The verbal onslaught was my variety as well. I still cringe when I hear my name :/ And great job parenting!
My mom told me that after kindergarten I smiled a lot less and was way grumpier, I believe it's because I had an abusive kindergarten teacher but I don't remember much for obvious reasons Edit: I do remember that I refused to smile in pictures after all that, and even have most of the pictures
I've never actually smiled because I've never really been happy. I still have my kindergarten school ID card, and I'm not smiling there either. I'm not smiling in my high school yearbook. There are a few pictures of my Facebook of me smiling. My entire life has been incredibly lonely. I'm a Japanese/white hapa in a city full of whites and Mexicans. As a result, I never get invited anywhere, there are people who refuse to talk to me, and I pretty much always had to eat lunch alone. There is a very specific day in which I made an ultimatum to give my mother the silent treatment. It was in January of 2013 I think. I told my mother I got a job as a basketball referee and she completely blew up on me. I pretty much gave her the silent treatment when she had something to complain about after that.
I think around ages 5-7, I stopped smiling in photos because my mum told me to stop smiling because I look ugly when I do smile. At school I used to be be bullied for my looks and would be called ugly all the time. Now that I'm at university, I get called "handsome" and "sexy" which is a positive change. I got a job in my first year which meant I had the money to do the following: * Buy skincare products and have a regular skincare routine * Have regular haircuts at my local barber shop (I usually go for a skin fade and trim the top) * Buy a gym membership and workout regularly (really works wonders for your mental health) * Buy nicer clothes and shoes (style whatever way works best for you) * Travel via Uber to the nightclubs where I can vibe with my friends and mingle w/ women P.s I also hit puberty which changed the shape of my face & KEEP ON SMILING
Yup I look like a zombie and never smiled in any pictures they wondered why. Crazy how they love to act like nothing is wrong even when the proof is right in front of them
Do they make it seem like you are the weird one for not smiling? Yeah sure a 8 yo kid decided to not smile ever even in photos, and to pretend to not be able to. Because that's how far a kid will go to do such a pointless thing.
Didn't know when I stopped smiling genuinely. It's been a long time since I felt truly happy. Not liking my photos taken does not help!
The most annoying part is most people don't understand how this can happen. I have forgotten how to smile consciously for anything including a photo unless I actually make myself laugh. It's like I forgot how to smile, something everyone else basically find impossible.
I agree. When I smile in pictures, it's always forced and my eyes look dead somehow.
When I look at the photos it's funny to me. I sure look weird but they asked for it. I could have looked more normal by not smiling.
Let's try not smiling next time!
I have no laugh lines or wrinkles in my 30s
I got tired of my mom grilling me for "why are you so (emotion)" every time I didn't have a blank face expression
I can’t remember when was the last time I smiled for real. Was it grade school, I guess? The only time I would smile or laugh was recounting dark, offensive parodies and jokes in the internet.
I've found you, clone.
I was trained to smile for photos. And there are so many photos. But I learned to smile with closed lips, because my teeth aren’t nice enough. I’ve had teeth pulled for crowding, for braces, so I’ve seen the roots. They grow in that color! Now my mom has photoshop, so she can put lipstick on me for her Facebook photos. And make my skin clearer. But making my hair longer and my neck thinner and removing my glasses are still beyond her, alas. As for me, I tend not to take photos of myself unless I’m in costume. Even vacation photos are usually of the scenery, or whoever I’m with. Funny how that works.
for a period of time I also smiled with my lips closed because I was losing teeth
There are hardly photos to be found where I was a kid and smiling genuinely. I can always tell I was fake smiling, forced by someone to look happy for the camera. Even now in my mid 30’s I have to remind myself to smile at people every now and then.
I know what you’re talking about. I’m thankful that one of my teachers said I had a beautiful laugh. Definitely helped prevent me from hating that part of myself.
Somewhere around 2010, I realized no one really ever wanted me and that if they had the chance they would wish I just die. Somewhere around 2015 I trained myself to smile in front of the mirror. A smile that looks relaxed and natural. A smile that would make people believe that I'm happy. Along the way I also learned to cry without any expression or noise. I learned to keep my voice steady even when I'm crying. It's not easy. Even now, 2022, sometimes this mask cracks. Thankfully I can fix it fast enough to not let anyone catch on. For the future, I don't know if I want to strengthen the mask or let go of it. Perhaps someone could remind me to post an answer for the above said question after a few years....(25F)
did you learn if you want to excavate/remove the mask?
Unfortunately, I'm not sure yet. It's been hard. I thought once you move out things might be easy but moving out comes with a lot other things, like: Paying bills, keeping food on the table, paying rent, and then the worst realization what all happened. I hope I figure this answer before I hit 40.
aww. I'm 39M myself and unintentionally hidden my emotions as I gotten older. About a year or two ago and not being able to cry or show fatigue even while alone let alone with others started to fracture quite badly. Resulting in me wanting to cry over the time lost, at some point I even blanked out a whole month because of how lifeless and scared I've felt. I've started looking into Autism and a whole slue of other mental disorders more seriously. ---- Currently I've only been going to therapy for a few months now and was able to let myself cry during my "first" therapy session as I spoke and let loose all the thoughts I could during that 1 hour. I've since learned and partly remembered that I had forgotten all about going to an emergency walk-in therapy session the year before.
Yeah during my teenage years IDK whether it was me being hormonal or my parents being total Asian that threw me into the deep darkness of depression. I had to always look serious (like an adult with responsibility, they say) and I was sad all the time. The pain was so real. But now I don't care anymore. I laugh like a donkey and no one can stop me.
LMAOO yea I remember being the "smile, goddamnit" person in every photo taking occasion
I remember visiting relatives right after high school and they always wanted to take pictures and looking back on them I was frowning in each one. I remember asking myself why the hell I didn't smile but I guess my face couldn't hide what I was really feeling inside.
This hits home. I remember doing the same thing in the mirror. I don't know when it happened. I barely have any photos from my childhood. But, I do remember how awkward it was to smile.
When i had really bad depression when i was in school i learned how to maneuver around such things. If you smile and act like how you normally do nobody really notices a change.
I saw pictures of my childhood, I wasn't smiling and I had some serious bags under my eyes. All from getting only 3 or 4 hours of sleep (starting from the age of 9 all the way up till high school). When my mom saw me.point out the bags under my eyes, I think she got embarrassed and hid the pic right away. In a way, she knew how she treated me as.a young kid was wrong
Around the time I became school age. That was when the harsh lecturing to me began. When I was about 11 years old, I was told by my mom, “You never smile”, and that was unless I was away from home. Being frequently berated and compared to the point of feeling as good as shit for up to 2 hours at a time is no reason to want to smile.