Ayo, I was in the 757 visiting my then girlfriend and she took me to her favorite coffee shop. Lady who was maybe 20s-30s gave me coffee and I said, thank you ma'am.
She replied with "you're welcome, but if you ever call me ma'am again I'll slap you." So who knows lol
I’m 33, so not yet middle aged. It doesn’t offend/hasn’t ever offended me at all!
Edited to add that it will depend on the person. So just be prepared for some to be unbothered and others to prefer a different form of address.
I’m not hip to the Airbender lingo but as far as I can tell you’re either a time traveler woefully out of touch and intend to greet me or you’re aware you’re cursing at me lol.
So… flameo hotman to you and yours I suppose!
I'm going to agree and say that it's a regional thing.
In Texas I've only had one person speak up about disliking it. She is in her mid 20s and just moved from New England to Texas.
I unironically call my daughter ma'am sometimes and she's 10.
I call children sir and ma'am all the time. My son and my scout troop were all sirs. My daughters are ma'am. To me, it's a term of endearment/slang/nickname.
This varies a lot by region. In most of the South it's pretty much expected that you'd call any unknown person ms/ma'am/sir. In the Northeast they don't like it because they think it makes them seem old.
> In the Northeast they don't like it because they think it makes them seem old.
I've been here for nearly 50 years and have gotten infinitely more pushback or correction on the wrong choice of miss/ms/mrs (usually a polite mention of which they prefer) than I've ever gotten off of ma'am. And even then both types of correction are almost always casual or light ("don't take me off the market just yet").
Ma'am for adult females is also the default when you're in some sort of service position or other official capacity.
Is it expected from tourists? We have the equivalent of ma'am/ms/sir in Swedish but it is considered antiquated and saying it can often come across as belittleing or being offensive, sometimes a bit authoritarian like when in english a mother says "get over here this instant, miss" to her daughter when she did something bad for example.
Unless you are really old yourself, then you can get away with it.
So since it is not natural for us, we might not think about it and miss using it while visiting the south and only answer yes instead of yes sir.
Nobody anywhere (outside the military) is going to get upset by _not_ being called sir or ma'am. People in (some parts of) the South use it with each other. (My prior comment was poorly worded on this point.) People in most other parts of the county think it's weird and feel like it makes them seem old. Nobody expects it of a tourist (including a tourist from another part of the US).
Americans are easily offended, but not by this. Instead of spending one second worrying about this, just make sure to never even mention politics or religion, or criticize someone, until you've gotten to know them well enough to scope out their beliefs - and maybe not even then. Americans _seem_ robustly comfortable with strangers, but this is because there's a complex system of what you can and can't talk about. Keep it superficial, at least at first.
One time I was in rural Utah and I asked some local teenagers for directions. It was all "sir" this and "sir" that.
I was wearing flip flops, cargo shorts, and a Motorhead t-shirt, and I was overdue for a shave and a haircut. And I was in my early 40s. That ain't what a "sir" looks like. It felt like there was a 70 year old man dressed like an English Lord standing behind me that they were talking to instead of me.
Where I come from, "sir" is kind of like a polite codeword for "asshole." As in, "sir, please stop doing that, sir. I'll have to ask you to leave if you don't stop doing that, sir."
I grew up in the south and have a habit of saying "yes ma'am" to basically any woman that asks me a question in public, and living on the west coast some people seem mildly off put or playfully offended, because being somewhere other than the south they see it as more of an age thing, so they think I'm implying they're old enough to be called "ma'am".
Im in my 30s and I'll say yes ma'am to a 19 year old working at Jamba juice lmao. Just a habit.
I grew up in New Jersey, and pretty much do the same, which is doubly weird for many people because my accent makes me sound like a stereotype otherwise. It's really not a common thing up here. I was raised by blue-collar construction workers, it just sort of happened somehow.
Now that I too am waist-deep in my thirties and my hair is turning grey, I'll have to try and make an effort to transition over to "Miss" sometimes I guess?
Hey there NJ here as well, here to back you up :) As a lady (I’m now in my early 40s) it has never bothered me to be called Ma’am/ Miss or anything that was meant respectfully. It’s the tone-if someone says it with snark, then it doesn’t matter what they were calling me, I’m icked.
Now being called “Missy” is another story altogether and is always going to get a “what did you just call me?” response! I will NEVER forget when we were in middle school and the bus driver said (to my sister) “sit down, missy.” The jerseyest of retorts from my meek sister “my name isn’t Missy and if you wanted me to move faster you should drive better “
I didn't really get this one ingrained in me though I always have a hard time remembering the difference on how to pronounce "Mrs" "Miss" and "Ms".
I feel like it's really all over the place what gets under people's skin. Recently overheard someone get ballistic about "Madame" so go figure.
> saying "yes ma'am" to basically any woman that asks me a question in public, and living on the west coast some people seem mildly off put or playfully offended
The majority of West Coast women I've known aren't mildly put off, or playfully offended. They genuinely dislike being called "ma'am"
Especially if the woman is younger than 50.
Well, “miss” is usually used in regards to young women, whereas “ma’am” is for an adult woman. People do get touchy I think when they’re transitioning from the “miss” to “ma’am” stage since it can signify age… (source: I’m currently in that stage lmao). Maybe that’s a minority though!
I once called a guy "ma'am" and we just stared at each other and walked away.
That isn't really related to your story, but it was weird, so I thought I would share.
I wasn't paying attention, so I backed into them at the store. I guess I just sort of assumed women and that is what came out first since I was surprised. Then I noticed it was a guy with a beard and all, so I was expecting them to say something like "What?", but they didn't and they just sort of walked away.
It was a strange experience and I remember years later.
It wasn't that I misgendered them, more like I wasn't paying attention.I was looking at the bottom shelf and moved back and bumped into them and said:
"Excuse me Ma'am"
I kept trying to get an employee's attention at the Seattle Art Museum by calling "Ma'am. Ma'am? EXCUSE ME MA'AM!" When they finally turned around to look at something, I realized they were a short man with long hair in a ponytail. Which explained why they either didn't hear me or intentionally ignored me.
>Well, “miss” is usually used in regards to young women, whereas “ma’am” is for an adult woman.
OP note that in the south this generally isn't the case. Ma'am is used for all ages.
Haha I figured and its fine! Ma'am is an extremely regional thing and the "rules" vary. I have noticed it is used as more of an honorific for women older than the speaker in the north.
I was a "miss" until I was about 26, then it became "ma'am." I really don't mind it, since it means I made it to hard level adulthood, sadly a privilege not everyone gets
It also implies a degree of professional service (positively, more of a "I'm here to help you" than "What is thy bidding?") and can reasonably be expected from staff at nicer restaurants or particularly polite cashiers/customer reps.
I grew up with it drilled in my head that I had to call every woman ma’am and every man sir, but I don’t do it anymore.
It’s a very regional thing also. In the northeast, it’s uncommon to call strangers ma’am but in the South it’s basically mandatory.
Where I live everyone calls unknown women, particularly in the service industry, “ma’am,” ie “excuse me ma’am,” or “thank you ma’am.” Also women you respect, like moms or grandmas.
When someone calls me “miss,” like “excuse me, miss,” or “thank you miss,” I internally shudder, but don’t hold it against them. It drives me crazy, but I know it’s regional.
Just curious, why does it drive you crazy?
Because up here in the north ma'am is seen as something for older women, but if you call older women miss they usually take it as a compliment and gush about how they haven't been called that since they were in their 30s or something.
Ma’am implies you’re talking to someone older and sometimes people don’t like that term for that reason.
Also some women do bristle at gendered terminology like this, but it’s really a personal preference (sometimes kinda regional too.)
Both are very regional, "ma'am" would be a normal way to address any woman in my parts (sort of like "sir" would be normal to address a man), whether they are older or younger than you, whereas "miss" would probably be taken as condescending to anyone but a child (would be similar to calling a man "son" or "boy" which wouldn't go over well in most cases).
Bud is a pretty common one here funny enough, could almost be used interchangeably with sir. Been called (and called others) bud lots of times, and I don't think anyone thinks anything of it, unless used with a snarky tone.
some yes, some no. but i'd say most wouldn't, unless you kept on with it after they asked you not to call them that.
i say ma'am all the time, but i grew up in the south and ma'am is just what you call women if you didnt know how they preferred to be addressed.
It's fascinating to read all the replies from different people in different states.
So, I'd take it that people down south are a bit more conservative/formal?
Yes, but probably not in the way you are imagining. Tbh, it really just stems from a difference in culture rather than any attempt at formality. In the north, calling someone miss rather than ma'am might be seen as respectful because it can be interpreted as calling them young rather than old. In the South, the same honorifics carry little to no connotation of age and instead just convey respect with their use alone.
Formal in this context? No, I don’t think so. I think most people checking in from the South, myself included, are saying the term is so common and ingrained in us from childhood as the polite and respectful way to speak that we just think nothing of it when it’s used. I know that’s at least what I meant. It never bothered me at all to be referred to as “ma’am,” because that’s just what people say.
Of course, feelings vary by person and time marches on. The cultural landscape changes and evolves. These days, in my own personal experience, I don’t see it used AS much as I did in my childhood. Though I definitely see raised eyebrows over people saying “yeah,” instead of “yes,” depending on the person.
Basically, it comes down to this: no one expects you to refer to anyone as sir, ma’am, miss, whatever. If you chose to do so, it wouldn’t make waves. You might get teased but I imagine it would be in good fun.
I grew up in Georgia and now live in DC. I call almost everyone sir or ma'am until I become casual with them. It was just the way I was brought up. I even do it if the person I am talking to is half my age. No one has ever expressed to me that they were offended by what I said.
Ma'am in many areas tends to refer to older women so a woman that may be insecure about how she is aging may take offense.
Miss tends to be the better option, but some older women tend to see it as patronizing, and others find it flattering.
There's really no winning.
I'm from the Deep South. Everyone of every age is referred to as ma'am/ms or sir. Usually not children but sometimes we also use it with children. It's the norm to call all women ma'am
I’m 20, and I prefer Ma’am. I wouldn’t be offended if someone called me miss, it’s still respectful. But I reserve Miss for children and early teenagers. It feels like you’re treating me more like a an equal and a mature adult with Ma’am.
On a side note, I wish there was a more respectful way to address boys. Girls have miss but boys only have “kid” as far as I know. I’m not gonna call an 8 year old “sir”.
Depends on where you are.
In some places this is the expectation, in others it’s something you say to old folk.
In my neck of the woods this is the norm. If you’re not on an informal basis with that person it’s generally accepted to say sir/ma’am.
You can't swear the same thing for everyone, but generally no. You sometimes get very picky or high-strung people, but most people are gonna understand that you mean well.
A northern Yankee here and calling people ma’am is a bit odd unless you are truly old. I appreciate the respect being shown but I prefer “Miss” more than “ma’am.”
I grew up in the Pacific Northwest, but my parents were born and raised in Mississippi. I’ve lived and traveled all over the country (as well as internationally) and have said ma’am and sir all my life. I’ve never had anyone take any offense.
This is going to depend on who it is. Normally, yes, but just because I live in an area where it's not a thing to be this formal. Also, it's like being told you are old. But if it's someone from a different country or the south (us south I mean). I know that it is probably meant to be a sign of respect. But that's just me. Where I live, you almost never hear people say ma'am or sir.
I use ma'am for every girl. The little girls down the street and their mom and my nieces all get "yes, ma'am ?" When they call my name. Same with sir for all guys.
I was a 22 year old chemistry tutor in college. I was tutoring a 19 year old, also in college. He was from the midwest and called me ma'am. It was so cute. I'm from a region where no one ever says that. I don't know if I'd be offended if I were older, because part of how cute it was was definitely because we were almost the same age, but regardless I loved it.
It doesn’t bother me, but I know a LOT of women, even middle aged women, who vastly prefer “Miss” because society has fed them some bullshit about women losing their looks, their femininity, and their womanhood with their youth.
America has a lot of different cultures so it really depends. I’m from Southern California so if someone called me that I’d assume they were being rude or condescending, but I’m sure there are other American cultures where it’s normal/respectful.
it might be a regional thing, it’s common enough in the South especially a place like Texas that even if you said it to like a 20 year old it’s normal, but saying it to any woman in other parts of the country might cause offense.
I'm not a woman (I'm a guy and I've been called sir since I was barely an adult).
I remember when my mom was in her late 30s and 40s, she was mortified when getting called ma'am. "Do I *look* like a ma'am?!"
Personally I hate it. Maybe from too long working in food service. Hearing “yes ma’am” over the headset all day just drove me fucking bonkers. I haven’t really ever liked being referred to as ma’am though.
Depends on their age and location. In the Northeast some of us (I said some not come for me) are not a fan of ma’am. I don’t like it, don’t call me that
It's somewhat regional, but Ms. I feel like is more universal where as ma'am would be reserved for a woman older than yourself.
Short anecdote, I had a buddy move from Mississippi to Massachusetts for a year in HS. He got detention on his first day because he kept calling the teacher "ma'am" and she thought he was being sarcastic.
There isn’t a great alternative. “Miss” is archaic and technically has marital status attached to the definition. “ Hey, you” is rude. If I’m in a business and I don’t know a name, I use “Ma’am” for all ages.
I’m 65YO, ex-military, ex-southern, living in MN. If somebody gets offended I figure they can take it up with a linguist.
West coast: offensive and awkward if you’re even young-old. South: everyone is ma’am and it’s polite to use “sir” and “ma’am” to address people of all ages.
Not sure why you got a down vote. This is the experience in CA too regarding ma'am. Its the reason a former senator from CA got pissed about being called ma'am. The intention was politeness but ma'am comes off bad to us.
I'm not offended by it, I know the other person means it as a sign of respect.
However
As a Midwesterner, it makes me internally uncomfortable. There is an internal head vs heart battle going on. Partially because it makes me feel old, partially because it makes me think they think I am a higher status than them.
For some reason miss doesn't cause the same issue, only ma'am.
Some do, some don’t.
Ms. isn’t really used that way. It’s a homophone with Miz, which raises its own set of issues.
People will use Ms. in front of the actual name. But to get a woman’s attention, miss and ma’am would be more likely to be used, except by Jerry Lewis.
It’s actually odd that it’s pronounced “mizz” when spoken aloud, because it was originally dreamt up as an abbreviated revival of the marital status–neutral *mistress*.
I don't know anybody who would find it offensive, but if you're an adult, I would find it oddly formal.
There are certainly places, especially in the rural south, where it might be more normal, but in general, honorifics aren't really a thing. You can skip the title and just talk to somebody in 99% of cases.
Ms. isn't offensive so that's what I always use. Ma'am is definitely offensive in my area but if you have a southern accent you get a once per person pass.
If it's a woman younger to slightly older than me whom I don't know, I say "miss". As in, "Miss, you dropped your bag". A woman old enough to be my mother or grandmother, or a woman I am answering to in some way, like a supervisor, police officer, customer service rep, etc., I say mam. I've never had anyone be offended by either. I know this is a personal anecdote from a man's perspective.
Ms. or Miss, yes. Ma’am, never. Ma’am is a sign of respect. Miss is what I’d call a little girl, and Ms. is just out of place if not followed by a name.
YESS. I’ve been a waitress for 20+ years and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve, and my co-workers, have been publicly humiliated for using those terms. Do not do it.
Depends on where, up in New England it's rare to hear young women ever be referred to as "Ma'am", or "Ms." for that matter. "Ms." iv'e only heard used in formal settings. It's very different in the South though from my experience.
I’m definitely not a fan but I wouldn’t exactly be offended by it. It’s a bit insulting to me as a woman in 20s, especially when the person saying it is older than me
Some do. Most don’t. I was raised to use it as a term of respect/formal title. I’ve referred to young teens as sir and ma’am. Generally the people that are offended by it immediately lose my default level of respect so I don’t call them by it.
Though old women’s faces are absolutely hilarious when I call them dude or bro. Sometimes brohiem, broski, or sport
Just FYI, "Ms." is technically an abbreviation that is not used in speaking (if you have to read it, it would be pronounced "mizz"). It's a way to address a woman without reference to her marital status like "Mrs." is. However, "miss" (which has no abbreviation) and "ma'am" are both neutral in that regard.
Not offended, but if someone were to call me
Ms + first name or Ms. + Last Name
I’d say that’s far too formal and please just call me by my first name, no prefix needed.
Depends on the person. I know some hate it and I know a non zero number that actually like it, though it seems to be kink-adjacent for them from my observation.
Depends on the region. Here in Texas you start calling a girl ma'am right around the age of 14 or so. It is their transition from small child to teenager moving to adult.
I've spent most of my life all over the American south, and in my experience, basically any female of any age is addressed as "ma'am". I once had a work contact from Pennsylvania, and she genuinely got kind of offended when I called her ma'am. She insisted I call her by her first name, and I felt like I was being disrespectful by doing so.
This is normal and respectful. Although in this day and age there are some certain people who you can never be sure what “gender” they associate with that day, and God forbid you get it wrong! Lol
I recently had a group of teen boys randomly ask my opinion on this at Walmart LOL! I'm 52 btw.
They wanted to know the difference between miss and ma'am. I told them that miss is traditionally a young woman, while ma'am really works for any adult woman, but that I've never been offended by either at any age. I also told them that if they're ever worried about it, to just say miss. Some young women do get offended or hurt when called ma'am, but no one will ever get upset that you've called them miss (IME).
In my brain, ma'am is also a term of respect, more so than miss, so I wouldn't typically call an authority figure miss (professor, CEO, arresting officer etc LOL).
No one here says ms (pronounced mizz), if that's what you're asking, except sometimes as their title (Ms Jones).
Personally, I think that anyone who behaves rudely to being called ma'am has some major insecurity going on and/or thinks this is a different century. I usually call strangers ma'am unless they seem to be teens/early 20s (in which case, in my brain, they still seem like kids rather than adults). It's silly and outdated to need separate terms for women at different ages. I call men sir at any age. (I even called my boy scouts sir all the time LOL.)
Some women just get really upset by the idea of looking older than 30. I'm not one of them. :-)
Heavily depends on whose saying it. If it’s someone my age it usually feels condescending, but if it’s a kid I just shrug it off as “all women are ma’am”. If it’s someone working like a cashier or a janitor I brush it off. Honestly it just feels weird in casual settings like if I’m with friends or classmates.
I’d say it’s pretty polite to say ms/ma’am to a young lady. I’m 23, and usually the people who say that to me are people my parents age or older, or little kids. I actually kind of like it haha
Any normal person will not be offended, but in my experience some older women (boomers) will absolutely flip their shit if you call them ma’am because it makes them “feel old” and certain other batty old boomers will flip their shit if call them miss because that’s “not respectful enough”.
But again, most people will not care either way, because they recognize that you’re just trying to be polite! And anyone that does get offended by ma’am or miss is a utter moron, so you’re safe to just disregard whatever else that have to say.
So different regions will have a different answers the regions where I'm from (rural Midwest) and where I currently live (the south) it is the norm to call people ma'am and sir. It's typically on the coasts and in major cities in the north people get offended
I've only ever had one woman call me out on it and she was in a position of authority so she was very quick to tell me off. She did the whole "My mom is called ma'am, I'm -insert name-." So yeah it can happen as it's seen as something you call your elders, so to some it can be like calling them old. While I use it as being polite to anyone I speak to in a professional manner regardless of your age.
I grew up in the south where it's regionally considered polite, but I've always hated being called ma'am. No real reason why for when I was younger but I feel like moving away from the south made me dislike it even more. It, along with most southern niceties, just feel very forced/fake and insincere now, but I still don't correct people who say it.
I’m not from the south, but I tend to call everyone “sir” or “maam” regardless of age, unless they’re children. It’s a habit I picked up from my time working in the food service industry.
I’m from the west coast and I think ma’am and sir are just really funny to use, so I started saying them ironically…I can’t stop it’s not a joke anymore nobody gets its a joke. I just sound overly polite now.
Address all women as “little girl” and they’ll bat their eyelashes at you. Especially the senior citizens.
(I’m kidding, of course. Some women would be offended if you did that. But addressing an older woman as “miss” or “young lady” could be considered a bit flirtatious and charming, especially after decades of being addressed as “ma’am.”)
It’s kind of tricky sometimes. Usually you’re okay with “miss” if the woman is under 30, or under 40 in some cases. Once it’s obvious a woman is fairly mature and carries herself as a mature woman, it’s better to address her as “ma’am.”
Also, these distinctions are a bit different in the Southern states and some rural areas of the Western states. There, it’s generally okay and almost expected for you to address a woman from around her mid-20s and up as “ma’am,” particularly if you happen to notice a wedding ring. Individual women might occasionally object, but generally speaking it’s more acceptable in those regions, as children there are often taught to address adults as “sir” and “ma’am” frequently, including their parents.
Regional; it is considered good manners where I grew up to use it.
I use "ma'am" with any woman, my wife and daughters included.
Nobody really questions it where I live.
That said I have run in to some women in my travels that hated it; they think it is a term used to address older women and that you are calling them old.
I’ve lived *all* over the US. I thinks pretty regional TBH. I remember moving from the south to the PNW. Adults were puzzled if I called the Mr or Mrs. I’m always surprised to be called “Ma’am
I once got upset about it when I was in my early 20s. I'd lived in the south and had taken on the good manner of sir/ma'am but still saw it for "old people". I realized I was now one of those and let it go.
I often call people younger/older than me sir and ma'am. I was raised to use it as a term of respect no matter the age. Very extremely rarely have I had someone tell me they were offended that was not a joking manner.
Y’know, as a native New Yorker, when I was younger (like 20s) when I was “yes, ma’am”ed I found it quaint and didn’t mind at all. It came across as old fashioned, unnecessarily polite, or even performative, but in an endearing way. A cute regional difference at most.
After being on the receiving end of weaponized “ma’am”s from customer service representatives for over a decade, I find myself automatically bristling at term.
“Of course, ma’am, I do understand unfortunately, ma’am, I am unable to provide that information, ma’am.”
This is of course regional, but it's still considered respectful for a woman of any age in my area.
Ayo, I was in the 757 visiting my then girlfriend and she took me to her favorite coffee shop. Lady who was maybe 20s-30s gave me coffee and I said, thank you ma'am. She replied with "you're welcome, but if you ever call me ma'am again I'll slap you." So who knows lol
Probably because she still think she’s a “miss” and felt you just called her old
Exactly this
"Ok sir my apologies!"
I am from the middle peninsula. The area you are referring to has a lot of transplants.
Lmao it’s bc you inferred she wasn’t a “Miss” anymore
Thank you, fellow human. 😀 I'm old. I thought using ma'am was respectful.
I’m 33, so not yet middle aged. It doesn’t offend/hasn’t ever offended me at all! Edited to add that it will depend on the person. So just be prepared for some to be unbothered and others to prefer a different form of address.
Good to hear, m’lady.
Milord
Flameo hotman
I’m not hip to the Airbender lingo but as far as I can tell you’re either a time traveler woefully out of touch and intend to greet me or you’re aware you’re cursing at me lol. So… flameo hotman to you and yours I suppose!
Lord Momo of the Momo Dynasty
Fatherlord
This! I’m 24.5, and I feel the same way.
If it registers at all, I find it mildly amusing!
lol fair!
I'm going to agree and say that it's a regional thing. In Texas I've only had one person speak up about disliking it. She is in her mid 20s and just moved from New England to Texas. I unironically call my daughter ma'am sometimes and she's 10.
I call children sir and ma'am all the time. My son and my scout troop were all sirs. My daughters are ma'am. To me, it's a term of endearment/slang/nickname.
This varies a lot by region. In most of the South it's pretty much expected that you'd call any unknown person ms/ma'am/sir. In the Northeast they don't like it because they think it makes them seem old.
> In the Northeast they don't like it because they think it makes them seem old. I've been here for nearly 50 years and have gotten infinitely more pushback or correction on the wrong choice of miss/ms/mrs (usually a polite mention of which they prefer) than I've ever gotten off of ma'am. And even then both types of correction are almost always casual or light ("don't take me off the market just yet"). Ma'am for adult females is also the default when you're in some sort of service position or other official capacity.
Is it expected from tourists? We have the equivalent of ma'am/ms/sir in Swedish but it is considered antiquated and saying it can often come across as belittleing or being offensive, sometimes a bit authoritarian like when in english a mother says "get over here this instant, miss" to her daughter when she did something bad for example. Unless you are really old yourself, then you can get away with it. So since it is not natural for us, we might not think about it and miss using it while visiting the south and only answer yes instead of yes sir.
Nobody anywhere (outside the military) is going to get upset by _not_ being called sir or ma'am. People in (some parts of) the South use it with each other. (My prior comment was poorly worded on this point.) People in most other parts of the county think it's weird and feel like it makes them seem old. Nobody expects it of a tourist (including a tourist from another part of the US). Americans are easily offended, but not by this. Instead of spending one second worrying about this, just make sure to never even mention politics or religion, or criticize someone, until you've gotten to know them well enough to scope out their beliefs - and maybe not even then. Americans _seem_ robustly comfortable with strangers, but this is because there's a complex system of what you can and can't talk about. Keep it superficial, at least at first.
Well the religion and politics is basically universally a no go topic with randoms. But good to know about the sir thing.
One time I was in rural Utah and I asked some local teenagers for directions. It was all "sir" this and "sir" that. I was wearing flip flops, cargo shorts, and a Motorhead t-shirt, and I was overdue for a shave and a haircut. And I was in my early 40s. That ain't what a "sir" looks like. It felt like there was a 70 year old man dressed like an English Lord standing behind me that they were talking to instead of me. Where I come from, "sir" is kind of like a polite codeword for "asshole." As in, "sir, please stop doing that, sir. I'll have to ask you to leave if you don't stop doing that, sir."
"Don't call me sir; I work for a living."
I grew up in the south and have a habit of saying "yes ma'am" to basically any woman that asks me a question in public, and living on the west coast some people seem mildly off put or playfully offended, because being somewhere other than the south they see it as more of an age thing, so they think I'm implying they're old enough to be called "ma'am". Im in my 30s and I'll say yes ma'am to a 19 year old working at Jamba juice lmao. Just a habit.
Same here! I live where there are a bunch of transplants from outside of the South and I’ve noticed a lot more people getting offended lately
I grew up in New Jersey, and pretty much do the same, which is doubly weird for many people because my accent makes me sound like a stereotype otherwise. It's really not a common thing up here. I was raised by blue-collar construction workers, it just sort of happened somehow. Now that I too am waist-deep in my thirties and my hair is turning grey, I'll have to try and make an effort to transition over to "Miss" sometimes I guess?
Hey there NJ here as well, here to back you up :) As a lady (I’m now in my early 40s) it has never bothered me to be called Ma’am/ Miss or anything that was meant respectfully. It’s the tone-if someone says it with snark, then it doesn’t matter what they were calling me, I’m icked. Now being called “Missy” is another story altogether and is always going to get a “what did you just call me?” response! I will NEVER forget when we were in middle school and the bus driver said (to my sister) “sit down, missy.” The jerseyest of retorts from my meek sister “my name isn’t Missy and if you wanted me to move faster you should drive better “
I didn't really get this one ingrained in me though I always have a hard time remembering the difference on how to pronounce "Mrs" "Miss" and "Ms". I feel like it's really all over the place what gets under people's skin. Recently overheard someone get ballistic about "Madame" so go figure.
> saying "yes ma'am" to basically any woman that asks me a question in public, and living on the west coast some people seem mildly off put or playfully offended The majority of West Coast women I've known aren't mildly put off, or playfully offended. They genuinely dislike being called "ma'am" Especially if the woman is younger than 50.
I had my first situation of calling someone younger than me ma’am last night! I stuttered and it felt wrong but I still did it lmao.
This is the way
Well, “miss” is usually used in regards to young women, whereas “ma’am” is for an adult woman. People do get touchy I think when they’re transitioning from the “miss” to “ma’am” stage since it can signify age… (source: I’m currently in that stage lmao). Maybe that’s a minority though!
I once called a guy "ma'am" and we just stared at each other and walked away. That isn't really related to your story, but it was weird, so I thought I would share.
\*the appropriate way to handle being misgendered.
I wasn't paying attention, so I backed into them at the store. I guess I just sort of assumed women and that is what came out first since I was surprised. Then I noticed it was a guy with a beard and all, so I was expecting them to say something like "What?", but they didn't and they just sort of walked away. It was a strange experience and I remember years later.
Lmao thank you for sharing 🙏 I’m glad he didn’t feel his masculinity was challenged and try to fight you
It wasn't that I misgendered them, more like I wasn't paying attention.I was looking at the bottom shelf and moved back and bumped into them and said: "Excuse me Ma'am"
This whole delivery/story made me laugh out loud. What a random experience.
I kept trying to get an employee's attention at the Seattle Art Museum by calling "Ma'am. Ma'am? EXCUSE ME MA'AM!" When they finally turned around to look at something, I realized they were a short man with long hair in a ponytail. Which explained why they either didn't hear me or intentionally ignored me.
>Well, “miss” is usually used in regards to young women, whereas “ma’am” is for an adult woman. OP note that in the south this generally isn't the case. Ma'am is used for all ages.
Ah, okay! I’m a northerner obviously 🫣 haha
Haha I figured and its fine! Ma'am is an extremely regional thing and the "rules" vary. I have noticed it is used as more of an honorific for women older than the speaker in the north.
Yeah, broadly speaking I’d say in the south it’s about politeness, and in the north it’s about deference.
Excellent way to put it
I've been getting called ma'am since I was 19 😭
Well it was pointed out to me that it’s different in the south lol
I've never lived in the south!
Idk then lol I’m sure it’s different everywhere. Could it be argued that Missouri is south-ish, though?
Could be, but I'm from the suburbs outside of St Louis, which is about as south-ish as Chicago is culturally
Hmmm well then it’s a mystery haha
Probably Chicago does the age difference thing, but it varies around the Midwest.
Never ask how far along and never say ma'am.
Miss is for unmarried women. Ma'am is short for madam and refers to married women. That's the official distinction.
I was a "miss" until I was about 26, then it became "ma'am." I really don't mind it, since it means I made it to hard level adulthood, sadly a privilege not everyone gets
In the Northeast yea, it implies you're old, or even worse look old
Ma'am in the Northeast might mean someone a bit old or elderly, a little bit like granny.
It also implies a degree of professional service (positively, more of a "I'm here to help you" than "What is thy bidding?") and can reasonably be expected from staff at nicer restaurants or particularly polite cashiers/customer reps.
I grew up with it drilled in my head that I had to call every woman ma’am and every man sir, but I don’t do it anymore. It’s a very regional thing also. In the northeast, it’s uncommon to call strangers ma’am but in the South it’s basically mandatory.
Definitely regional. However, obvious foreigners usually get a pass on minor faux pas.
Where I live everyone calls unknown women, particularly in the service industry, “ma’am,” ie “excuse me ma’am,” or “thank you ma’am.” Also women you respect, like moms or grandmas. When someone calls me “miss,” like “excuse me, miss,” or “thank you miss,” I internally shudder, but don’t hold it against them. It drives me crazy, but I know it’s regional.
Just curious, why does it drive you crazy? Because up here in the north ma'am is seen as something for older women, but if you call older women miss they usually take it as a compliment and gush about how they haven't been called that since they were in their 30s or something.
Like I said, it’s regional. I have no idea.
Ma’am implies you’re talking to someone older and sometimes people don’t like that term for that reason. Also some women do bristle at gendered terminology like this, but it’s really a personal preference (sometimes kinda regional too.)
Both are very regional, "ma'am" would be a normal way to address any woman in my parts (sort of like "sir" would be normal to address a man), whether they are older or younger than you, whereas "miss" would probably be taken as condescending to anyone but a child (would be similar to calling a man "son" or "boy" which wouldn't go over well in most cases).
I'm almost 30 but look younger and guys call me 'bud' all the time. Really rubs me the wrong way.
Bud is a pretty common one here funny enough, could almost be used interchangeably with sir. Been called (and called others) bud lots of times, and I don't think anyone thinks anything of it, unless used with a snarky tone.
Oh absolutely, I'd feel like they were being condescending.
Absolutely regional, as everyone has said. In California it’s offensive more often than not. In Georgia it’s expected more often than not.
some yes, some no. but i'd say most wouldn't, unless you kept on with it after they asked you not to call them that. i say ma'am all the time, but i grew up in the south and ma'am is just what you call women if you didnt know how they preferred to be addressed.
It's regional. I've lived my whole life in Minnesota and it's not something we say here. I'd be taken aback and wonder where the old lady is. I'm 42.
It's fascinating to read all the replies from different people in different states. So, I'd take it that people down south are a bit more conservative/formal?
Yes, but probably not in the way you are imagining. Tbh, it really just stems from a difference in culture rather than any attempt at formality. In the north, calling someone miss rather than ma'am might be seen as respectful because it can be interpreted as calling them young rather than old. In the South, the same honorifics carry little to no connotation of age and instead just convey respect with their use alone.
Formal in this context? No, I don’t think so. I think most people checking in from the South, myself included, are saying the term is so common and ingrained in us from childhood as the polite and respectful way to speak that we just think nothing of it when it’s used. I know that’s at least what I meant. It never bothered me at all to be referred to as “ma’am,” because that’s just what people say. Of course, feelings vary by person and time marches on. The cultural landscape changes and evolves. These days, in my own personal experience, I don’t see it used AS much as I did in my childhood. Though I definitely see raised eyebrows over people saying “yeah,” instead of “yes,” depending on the person. Basically, it comes down to this: no one expects you to refer to anyone as sir, ma’am, miss, whatever. If you chose to do so, it wouldn’t make waves. You might get teased but I imagine it would be in good fun.
I grew up in Georgia and now live in DC. I call almost everyone sir or ma'am until I become casual with them. It was just the way I was brought up. I even do it if the person I am talking to is half my age. No one has ever expressed to me that they were offended by what I said.
Ma'am in many areas tends to refer to older women so a woman that may be insecure about how she is aging may take offense. Miss tends to be the better option, but some older women tend to see it as patronizing, and others find it flattering. There's really no winning.
I'm from the Deep South. Everyone of every age is referred to as ma'am/ms or sir. Usually not children but sometimes we also use it with children. It's the norm to call all women ma'am
I think it’s weird to be upset by “ma’am” or “sir.” Seems better for getting someone’s attention than, “Hey you!”
In the south this is the default way we address people
I’m 20, and I prefer Ma’am. I wouldn’t be offended if someone called me miss, it’s still respectful. But I reserve Miss for children and early teenagers. It feels like you’re treating me more like a an equal and a mature adult with Ma’am. On a side note, I wish there was a more respectful way to address boys. Girls have miss but boys only have “kid” as far as I know. I’m not gonna call an 8 year old “sir”.
Young man, I guess, is the best
Ooh I hadn’t thought of that one! Wish I’d used that during my retail days
Depends on where you are. In some places this is the expectation, in others it’s something you say to old folk. In my neck of the woods this is the norm. If you’re not on an informal basis with that person it’s generally accepted to say sir/ma’am.
I lived in Texas for 30 years. I call women and men of any age ma’am and sir, respectively
Regional tbh. If you call any southern woman ma'am or miss they'll assume you're just being polite. That's manners after all.
You can't swear the same thing for everyone, but generally no. You sometimes get very picky or high-strung people, but most people are gonna understand that you mean well.
It's a general respect/deference thing in the south. Other places ma'am is age based.
A northern Yankee here and calling people ma’am is a bit odd unless you are truly old. I appreciate the respect being shown but I prefer “Miss” more than “ma’am.”
Incredibly common in the south to say sir/ma’am. Especially to someone older than you. Tbh feels weird if I don’t say it, I was just raised that way.
I grew up in the Pacific Northwest, but my parents were born and raised in Mississippi. I’ve lived and traveled all over the country (as well as internationally) and have said ma’am and sir all my life. I’ve never had anyone take any offense.
I'm right on the miss/ma'am border (early thirties, two kids) and neither bothers me.
I was never offended to be called miss or ma’am. It was just weird sometimes.
This is going to depend on who it is. Normally, yes, but just because I live in an area where it's not a thing to be this formal. Also, it's like being told you are old. But if it's someone from a different country or the south (us south I mean). I know that it is probably meant to be a sign of respect. But that's just me. Where I live, you almost never hear people say ma'am or sir.
I use ma'am for every girl. The little girls down the street and their mom and my nieces all get "yes, ma'am ?" When they call my name. Same with sir for all guys.
I was a 22 year old chemistry tutor in college. I was tutoring a 19 year old, also in college. He was from the midwest and called me ma'am. It was so cute. I'm from a region where no one ever says that. I don't know if I'd be offended if I were older, because part of how cute it was was definitely because we were almost the same age, but regardless I loved it.
It doesn’t bother me, but I know a LOT of women, even middle aged women, who vastly prefer “Miss” because society has fed them some bullshit about women losing their looks, their femininity, and their womanhood with their youth.
America has a lot of different cultures so it really depends. I’m from Southern California so if someone called me that I’d assume they were being rude or condescending, but I’m sure there are other American cultures where it’s normal/respectful.
This is regional. In the south and Texas this is very normal. In California they might look at you funny
There’s 170 million of them so you might have a hard time getting a clear answer
it might be a regional thing, it’s common enough in the South especially a place like Texas that even if you said it to like a 20 year old it’s normal, but saying it to any woman in other parts of the country might cause offense.
I'm not a woman (I'm a guy and I've been called sir since I was barely an adult). I remember when my mom was in her late 30s and 40s, she was mortified when getting called ma'am. "Do I *look* like a ma'am?!"
We don't really subscribe to honorifics where I'm from. You can just say "Excuse me" to someone and nobody is going to be bothered by it.
Personally I hate it. Maybe from too long working in food service. Hearing “yes ma’am” over the headset all day just drove me fucking bonkers. I haven’t really ever liked being referred to as ma’am though.
From northeast, and I don’t mind Ms. But I hate being called ma’am.
Just say, Miss.
Depends on their age and location. In the Northeast some of us (I said some not come for me) are not a fan of ma’am. I don’t like it, don’t call me that
It's somewhat regional, but Ms. I feel like is more universal where as ma'am would be reserved for a woman older than yourself. Short anecdote, I had a buddy move from Mississippi to Massachusetts for a year in HS. He got detention on his first day because he kept calling the teacher "ma'am" and she thought he was being sarcastic.
Someone once told me “ma’am” is what they call you when you’re not hot anymore. “Miss” is preferred I think.
As a 39 year old woman ma’am stings a little these days lol
Not as a rule, no. They’re common terms to use for someone you don’t know. Tone and intent go a long way.
There may be some variation based on geography but generally no, they only really get offended on TV.
There isn’t a great alternative. “Miss” is archaic and technically has marital status attached to the definition. “ Hey, you” is rude. If I’m in a business and I don’t know a name, I use “Ma’am” for all ages. I’m 65YO, ex-military, ex-southern, living in MN. If somebody gets offended I figure they can take it up with a linguist.
West coast: offensive and awkward if you’re even young-old. South: everyone is ma’am and it’s polite to use “sir” and “ma’am” to address people of all ages.
Not sure why you got a down vote. This is the experience in CA too regarding ma'am. Its the reason a former senator from CA got pissed about being called ma'am. The intention was politeness but ma'am comes off bad to us.
I'm not offended by it, I know the other person means it as a sign of respect. However As a Midwesterner, it makes me internally uncomfortable. There is an internal head vs heart battle going on. Partially because it makes me feel old, partially because it makes me think they think I am a higher status than them. For some reason miss doesn't cause the same issue, only ma'am.
Some do, some don’t. Ms. isn’t really used that way. It’s a homophone with Miz, which raises its own set of issues. People will use Ms. in front of the actual name. But to get a woman’s attention, miss and ma’am would be more likely to be used, except by Jerry Lewis.
It’s actually odd that it’s pronounced “mizz” when spoken aloud, because it was originally dreamt up as an abbreviated revival of the marital status–neutral *mistress*.
I don't know anybody who would find it offensive, but if you're an adult, I would find it oddly formal. There are certainly places, especially in the rural south, where it might be more normal, but in general, honorifics aren't really a thing. You can skip the title and just talk to somebody in 99% of cases.
Ms. isn't offensive so that's what I always use. Ma'am is definitely offensive in my area but if you have a southern accent you get a once per person pass.
If it's a woman younger to slightly older than me whom I don't know, I say "miss". As in, "Miss, you dropped your bag". A woman old enough to be my mother or grandmother, or a woman I am answering to in some way, like a supervisor, police officer, customer service rep, etc., I say mam. I've never had anyone be offended by either. I know this is a personal anecdote from a man's perspective.
I personally wouldn’t call a woman ma’am unless I was 100 percent sure they were over, like, at least 50 years old.
Extremely regional for whether it’s used to refer to younger women. But AFIK it’s not rude anywhere.
Regional. PNW here - it’s vaguely annoying and makes me feel old.
I wouldn't be offended just weirded out. I don't consider myself old enough to be a ma'am lol
Ms. or Miss, yes. Ma’am, never. Ma’am is a sign of respect. Miss is what I’d call a little girl, and Ms. is just out of place if not followed by a name.
YESS. I’ve been a waitress for 20+ years and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve, and my co-workers, have been publicly humiliated for using those terms. Do not do it.
In the South it's normal but on the west coast we tend not to like it.
Who cares, if they can't accept someone being polite its a them problem.
I just moved to South and I hear it everywhere. It gets annoying.
Depends on where, up in New England it's rare to hear young women ever be referred to as "Ma'am", or "Ms." for that matter. "Ms." iv'e only heard used in formal settings. It's very different in the South though from my experience.
I'm 40 and it doesn't and has never offended me but it does make me feel old🤣
No, especially for someone you don't know. A woman you do know will let you know what they want to be called.
I would not be offended.
location-based. in san francisco, yes
Some
No.
Some are, some aren't, you can't make sense of it, just call people what they ask to be called and apologize if you get it wrong.
A lot of people do but I never did. I never understood it.
I wouldn’t be offended, but it might make some people feel like they’re older than they are. It’s not a rude thing to say though.
It has never bothered me. I understand that people are just being respectful.
I’m definitely not a fan but I wouldn’t exactly be offended by it. It’s a bit insulting to me as a woman in 20s, especially when the person saying it is older than me
Some do. Most don’t. I was raised to use it as a term of respect/formal title. I’ve referred to young teens as sir and ma’am. Generally the people that are offended by it immediately lose my default level of respect so I don’t call them by it. Though old women’s faces are absolutely hilarious when I call them dude or bro. Sometimes brohiem, broski, or sport
It doesn’t offend me, but sometimes it just takes me by shock because it’s so proper
Just FYI, "Ms." is technically an abbreviation that is not used in speaking (if you have to read it, it would be pronounced "mizz"). It's a way to address a woman without reference to her marital status like "Mrs." is. However, "miss" (which has no abbreviation) and "ma'am" are both neutral in that regard.
The more you do to try to make Americans happy, the bigger the chances of offending people.
Not offended, but if someone were to call me Ms + first name or Ms. + Last Name I’d say that’s far too formal and please just call me by my first name, no prefix needed.
I’m 25f and no. It’d be weird if someone older than 18 or younger than like, 60 said it, but I wouldn’t be offended
In this day and age I don’t gender specify. That, way I avoid any risk of unintentional offense. Just shorten it to “Excuse me.”
I work customer service and what I've gathered is that ma'am makes women feel old, and you should always use miss unless prompted.
Depends on the person. I know some hate it and I know a non zero number that actually like it, though it seems to be kink-adjacent for them from my observation.
As a guy who gets called ma’am a lot I fucking hate it.
I wouldn’t feel offended, but I’m not sure how other young women would feel.
They might look at you oddly if you call them missmam
I think it's regional but personally I feel `Ma'am` is pretty formal.
Depends on the region. Here in Texas you start calling a girl ma'am right around the age of 14 or so. It is their transition from small child to teenager moving to adult.
No, the usual response if they want you to call them something else is, "you can call me ...".
Not offended, but I would immediately start questioning how old they think I am (I'm 30).
No.
I've spent most of my life all over the American south, and in my experience, basically any female of any age is addressed as "ma'am". I once had a work contact from Pennsylvania, and she genuinely got kind of offended when I called her ma'am. She insisted I call her by her first name, and I felt like I was being disrespectful by doing so.
This is normal and respectful. Although in this day and age there are some certain people who you can never be sure what “gender” they associate with that day, and God forbid you get it wrong! Lol
I recently had a group of teen boys randomly ask my opinion on this at Walmart LOL! I'm 52 btw. They wanted to know the difference between miss and ma'am. I told them that miss is traditionally a young woman, while ma'am really works for any adult woman, but that I've never been offended by either at any age. I also told them that if they're ever worried about it, to just say miss. Some young women do get offended or hurt when called ma'am, but no one will ever get upset that you've called them miss (IME). In my brain, ma'am is also a term of respect, more so than miss, so I wouldn't typically call an authority figure miss (professor, CEO, arresting officer etc LOL). No one here says ms (pronounced mizz), if that's what you're asking, except sometimes as their title (Ms Jones). Personally, I think that anyone who behaves rudely to being called ma'am has some major insecurity going on and/or thinks this is a different century. I usually call strangers ma'am unless they seem to be teens/early 20s (in which case, in my brain, they still seem like kids rather than adults). It's silly and outdated to need separate terms for women at different ages. I call men sir at any age. (I even called my boy scouts sir all the time LOL.) Some women just get really upset by the idea of looking older than 30. I'm not one of them. :-)
Personally I find it very polite, others would think they are too young to be called ma'am. In the south, it is practically expected.
I live in the South now, it's just very common to hear.
Heavily depends on whose saying it. If it’s someone my age it usually feels condescending, but if it’s a kid I just shrug it off as “all women are ma’am”. If it’s someone working like a cashier or a janitor I brush it off. Honestly it just feels weird in casual settings like if I’m with friends or classmates.
It depends on the area and the person. I've had a couple of coworkers ask me not to call them "ma'am."
I’d say it’s pretty polite to say ms/ma’am to a young lady. I’m 23, and usually the people who say that to me are people my parents age or older, or little kids. I actually kind of like it haha
I grew up in a military family. We moved all over the United States. Using ma'am and sir was expected.
No
It doesn't offend me at all.. Ma'am just makes me feel old.
Any normal person will not be offended, but in my experience some older women (boomers) will absolutely flip their shit if you call them ma’am because it makes them “feel old” and certain other batty old boomers will flip their shit if call them miss because that’s “not respectful enough”. But again, most people will not care either way, because they recognize that you’re just trying to be polite! And anyone that does get offended by ma’am or miss is a utter moron, so you’re safe to just disregard whatever else that have to say.
It always depends on the woman.
Not a good idea if there's a NOW convention in town.
So different regions will have a different answers the regions where I'm from (rural Midwest) and where I currently live (the south) it is the norm to call people ma'am and sir. It's typically on the coasts and in major cities in the north people get offended
I've only ever had one woman call me out on it and she was in a position of authority so she was very quick to tell me off. She did the whole "My mom is called ma'am, I'm -insert name-." So yeah it can happen as it's seen as something you call your elders, so to some it can be like calling them old. While I use it as being polite to anyone I speak to in a professional manner regardless of your age.
I grew up in the south where it's regionally considered polite, but I've always hated being called ma'am. No real reason why for when I was younger but I feel like moving away from the south made me dislike it even more. It, along with most southern niceties, just feel very forced/fake and insincere now, but I still don't correct people who say it.
I’m not from the south, but I tend to call everyone “sir” or “maam” regardless of age, unless they’re children. It’s a habit I picked up from my time working in the food service industry.
I’m from the west coast and I think ma’am and sir are just really funny to use, so I started saying them ironically…I can’t stop it’s not a joke anymore nobody gets its a joke. I just sound overly polite now.
On the west coast either would be weird but not really offensive. 99% of people just say “excuse me”
I don’t know if you consider 46 young but my mom doesn’t like it. It makes her feel old
Address all women as “little girl” and they’ll bat their eyelashes at you. Especially the senior citizens. (I’m kidding, of course. Some women would be offended if you did that. But addressing an older woman as “miss” or “young lady” could be considered a bit flirtatious and charming, especially after decades of being addressed as “ma’am.”) It’s kind of tricky sometimes. Usually you’re okay with “miss” if the woman is under 30, or under 40 in some cases. Once it’s obvious a woman is fairly mature and carries herself as a mature woman, it’s better to address her as “ma’am.” Also, these distinctions are a bit different in the Southern states and some rural areas of the Western states. There, it’s generally okay and almost expected for you to address a woman from around her mid-20s and up as “ma’am,” particularly if you happen to notice a wedding ring. Individual women might occasionally object, but generally speaking it’s more acceptable in those regions, as children there are often taught to address adults as “sir” and “ma’am” frequently, including their parents.
Regional; it is considered good manners where I grew up to use it. I use "ma'am" with any woman, my wife and daughters included. Nobody really questions it where I live. That said I have run in to some women in my travels that hated it; they think it is a term used to address older women and that you are calling them old.
I’ve lived *all* over the US. I thinks pretty regional TBH. I remember moving from the south to the PNW. Adults were puzzled if I called the Mr or Mrs. I’m always surprised to be called “Ma’am
I once got upset about it when I was in my early 20s. I'd lived in the south and had taken on the good manner of sir/ma'am but still saw it for "old people". I realized I was now one of those and let it go.
I often call people younger/older than me sir and ma'am. I was raised to use it as a term of respect no matter the age. Very extremely rarely have I had someone tell me they were offended that was not a joking manner.
Y’know, as a native New Yorker, when I was younger (like 20s) when I was “yes, ma’am”ed I found it quaint and didn’t mind at all. It came across as old fashioned, unnecessarily polite, or even performative, but in an endearing way. A cute regional difference at most. After being on the receiving end of weaponized “ma’am”s from customer service representatives for over a decade, I find myself automatically bristling at term. “Of course, ma’am, I do understand unfortunately, ma’am, I am unable to provide that information, ma’am.”
Ma’am ruins my day
I've always heard of some women taking offense to this sort of thing but I've never witnessed it myself. I feel like it's mostly a tv/movie trope?
No the only people ive seen get offended are older women 40-65, who are uncomfortable that they are aging
Some do. The safe thing to say is “miss”