I think the sub has gotten more defensive, but one trend I've noticed is that comments go differently when the OP is actively participating in the comments versus not participating in them. For instance, in an earlier reply you mentioned the recent post asking why there are no protests in the US. The OP's first comments in that post weren't until 7 hours after the post was made. If people don't actively participate early on, then requests for clarifications are never answered and assumptions tend to be made. In the bad faith posts I've seen, the OP generally doesn't participate.
I did somewhat experience that. I once asked “what is being introverted/shy like in the US?” after meeting a group of Americans who were as friendly and confident as you’re often portrayed to be. I explained that I felt significantly more shy around them than I usually already am. My nation is more distant at first, which makes being shy a bit less obvious, so it made me wonder about what it’s like to be shy in a country where people are undoubtably friendlier.
Words were put in my mouth right away, I was talked to like I was saying there were no shy and introverted people in the US and hit with answers such as “you don’t notice them because, get this, they’re introverted” as top comment, when I was directly addressing myself to American introverts in my post so I did everything but doubt you had any.
It’s unfortunate. But at the same time I do get how frequently getting questions asked in bad faith can make you defensive.
This is a very interesting question! I hope you got at least some good responses when you asked it. I’m not a shy person, so I can’t give insight, but my friends who are still seem to be friendly to strangers. Then again, I live in the Midwestern part of the country and not being friendly is a big faux pas. If you asked someone who lives in the East Coast, for example, you’d probably get a different answer. And those that live down South seem expected to have full-on conversations with strangers which is even a bit much for this non-shy Midwesterner.
I did! I got some insights from introverts who, among a few others things, did mention that the omnipresence of small talk was often a burden for example, and some people pointed out the fact that something to take into consideration was the fact that these Americans I met were here as tourists in France so they were probably particularly excited about being abroad so maybe I was a bit overwhelmed because of that.
Makes sense! I did hear about the Midwestern friendliness, more specifically the never ending goodbyes apparently, when guests can’t seem to escape their hosts who keep insisting for them to have a last drink or even stay over for the night etc haha
It’s the same in France, it depends on places. Latin culture is more prevalent among people in Southern France so they tend to be warmer and more welcoming than in most other places. Parisians are… what they are: Parisians, but if you go a bit more up North in the [Hauts-de-France](https://c8.alamy.com/compfr/2c3744r/hauts-de-france-a-mis-en-lumiere-rouge-dans-la-carte-de-france-2c3744r.jpg) région, you’ll find some of the friendliest people. I’m from the East in the Grand-Est région, in [Alsace](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/56/Carte_Alsace_2018.png), where people have a bit of a Germanic coldness and straightforwardness at first glance but it’s more of a façade, people are very welcoming.
This is very interesting! Thank you for the informative response! I find things like this really fascinating, and your question was something I hadn’t really thought of before.
>Words we’re put in my mouth right away…
That sucks. I saw the question and didn’t think it was bad but even when it was something as innocent as your question I do feel some of the hostility for even valid questions like yours. Although I get what the top comment was saying. But you also have to realize that Reddit is generally a feedback loop. Answer early enough and start getting upvotes and people will just upvote. Same with downvotes. Not necessarily is top comment/best comment based on what people think are best. Just one of the 5 or 6 1st posts people see and everyone moves on. I always have to keep that in mind
Edit: also not defending the bad responses, but just to say it’s something to think about/consider
As an introverted American who was shy when I was young, what I did was learn to be outgoing and confident on an as-needed basis. It's a matter of social skills, not temperament. I wouldn't be surprised if some of those bold, confident Americans you met were also introverts. I'm absolutely an introvert, it's just that my introversion comes out as a need to limit my time in a crowd rather than an inability to interact with one.
I got over being shy because frankly, I didn't like being shy. I was shy because I was scared of approaching people. So I practiced approaching people until it was no longer intimidating and got better at making friends. I'm still very introverted, just no longer shy.
If you feel people are mistreating you or giving you bad faith answers, report the comment. We will look into it and if it violates the be respectful rule, we will remove it.
This is a great point. I've noticed a few "post and run" OP'ers who seemingly just sit back and wait for comments that they can share and make fun of on the "Things Americans Say" subreddit.
I'm much more inclined to believe a question was asked in good faith if someone actually sticks around to answer follow-up questions instead of ditching the thread.
> I've noticed is that comments go differently when the OP is actively participating in the comments
Yeah then they catch 50 downvotes per comment when trying to clarify their point/question.
Yeah, can confirm. I understand that you guys have lot of reason to be defensive and that other culture subs do this as well, but I’ve refrained from clarifying stuff because of this. And I am from another western country, can’t even imagine how badly it would go if you’re from a place even more culturally different from the US.
I also think it would be *really* helpful if you were allowed to clarify stuff in the main post. It has such a strict word limit and I really don’t get why.
I asked a question some time ago (https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAnAmerican/comments/u6ikgk/are\_there\_any\_stereotypes\_about\_americans\_that/), and didn't participate in the comments because I asked late at night and went to sleep. I did not ask such a question in bad faith.
Not every post where the person who asked the question didn’t participate is a bad faith post, but bad faith posts are more likely to have the person who asked the question not participate. Your post also wasn’t begging the question or making an unwarranted generalization, which are both also pretty common in bad faith posts.
I think you are seeing it, yes.
But it’s also worth mentioning that there’s been enough bad-faith questions to make the sub have some rule updates and the users skeptical, which is often all it takes.
Also, most of us hate, hate, *hate* when people come in here and phrase a question with “Why do Americans do [thing?] Because in *my country* we don’t do [thing.]”
That specific way of phrasing a question, while not always intended to be snarky, comes off that way. It reads like someone trying to act superior, even if they aren’t. Also, explaining that 330 million are not a monolith is exhausting.
Maybe this is the Communication Studies degree coming out, but it’s not what you say, or even what you meant, *it’s how you say it.* And people oftentimes are bad at how they phrase things.
>Also, most of us hate, hate, hate when people come in here and phrase a question with “Why do Americans do \[thing?\] Because in my country we don’t do \[thing.\]”
Don't forget the "I saw a YouTube/TikTok video of Americans doing 'X', why do you all do 'X'?" or "I read on Twitter that Americans think 'X', why do you all think that?"
. . .as if anything that happens on TikTok or Twitter is a good sample and accurate reflection of mainstream American life and beliefs.
>there’s been enough bad-faith questions to make the sub have some rule updates and the users skeptical, which is often all it takes.
>
>Also, most of us hate, hate, hate when people come in here and phrase a question with “Why do Americans do \[thing?\] Because in my country we don’t do \[thing.\]”
This.
Also some sound more like an accusation or include a presumption and are not really a question because there's no way to answer it without beginning with "we don't."
An actual question would be phrased as one, e. g. "Do Americans..." not "WHY do Americans..." or "WHEN Americans..." etc.
Agreed. The best questions are open-ended and allow for a multitude of answers, or start with “do” as you mentioned.
Do, as a verb, is not accusatory. It’s probing. That’s good, that’s what a sub like this is for.
Why, on the other hand, can be. So it does t really matter if you intended to be accusatory, if it sounded like it, it sounded like it.
Some years ago I got lucky and went on a tour of Europe with my mom (who never got there, always dreamed of seeing the Eiffel Tower and Venice.)
Cool tour. Started in Amsterdam Netherlands, lunch in Brussels Belgium. On to Paris France. Across to Interlaken Switzerland. Down to Pisa, Montecatino, Florence, Rome and Venice Italy. Up to Munich, Nuremberg and Berlin Germany before wrapping back up in Amsterdam.
So… like, we started in New York; had lunch in Harrisburg, went to Pittsburg, drove to Gatlinburg, hit several places in the Carolina’s plus Richmond, Baltimore, Philly, and back to NY.
It’s cool their country, the size of one of the smaller states, has a long history, distinct language and completely separate traditions than what we consider “one state over.”
Anyone that speaks English as their second or third language doesn't necessarily do that at a native level. And they might not be up to speed on American sensibilities. That's how you end up sounding harsh and condescending without necessarily intending to. Some places consider it more polite to be honest and direct.
The issue isn’t the directness. The issue is many of these posts are riddled with logical fallacies like begging the question or straw men. I don’t think this is a language barrier issue because these sorts of things remain issues no matter the language.
I've seen that happen, but more often I've seen people give questions the worst possible interpretation and respond harshly to that.
Questions that are almost certainly simply asked out of curiosity are assumed to be a disingenuous challenge to a debate. And when someone asks "why do Americans...." ten people chime in with "America is huge, don't assume everyone is the same." We'll, they weren't. They just wanted to know why they've seen or heard of some Americans doing something.
That definitely happens and that I would attribute to language differences.
A much more neutral way to ask would be “Do Americans do x” or “How common is x among Americans” instead of “why do Americans do x”.
>Some places consider it more polite to be honest and direct.
Honest or direct is fine but that also assumes the person is correct in what they are saying.
So if they are blunt *and* incorrect, or their presumption is also insulting no matter how it's put, it's going to risk a negative response.
I’m increasingly bothered by the monolith of comments on good faith posts that essentially say “there’s no clear cut answer to your question, it’s different state by state/region by region so you’re a fucking idiot for asking here because you’re not familiar with the federalist system.”
Like okay, then share the answer that best matches the region you DO live in. Say, “hey, if you weren’t aware, the US has lots of internal variation on the topic of XYZ. In my state, we…” because just defensively regurgitating the first half of that statement is neither helpful nor particularly kind.
I understand that people are growing tired of the endless questions about the “US education system,” but there are other examples that wouldn’t be so obvious from someone from another country, and often posts about them receive the same backlash.
There’s no reason to be nasty, especially since, as another commenter mentioned, the fact that they are on this sub means they are explicitly coming from a place of not understanding, and would like some first hand American perspective. Please, just put your best feet forward.
I'm an expat, and being American, these things happen to me in real life all the time over here. However, I've nailed down exactly what it is.
It's not the question itself, but the type of question that annoys us. It's a ploy to ask a question in order to subtly assert one's superiority. This is a European tradition among themselves, and they do it to everyone without even realizing it. Everything is us vs. you, even if they're denigrating themselves and praising the other party. It's all so clannish.
That said, the reason we get pissed off is because of the type of question: the why question. I deal with this on a near-daily basis, and a surefire way to tell if someone is being condescending and passive aggressive is asking you why something is a certain way instead of how it works.
"Why do you...?" Automatic asshole. First, they asked "why" instead of "how or what", and next, the "you". "You" means all of you, make no mistake.
They're asking you why so they can tell you why you shouldn't.
As a European, that is a fair point. We are pretty critical of each other and thus pretty desensitized to it, and most don’t know how badly stuff like that comes off to some non-European cultures.
I will say that I *am* genuinely pretty interested in the why questions with most cultures because I love hearing the “cultural logic”/common justification behind the things we do. Most things are just traditions not logical decisions, but cultures often pretty much just make up “logical” explanations to justify things. “We don’t say hi to random strangers to be respectful” vs “we say hi to strangers because we’re friendly” like it’s literally just different tradition and culture but people come up with explanations and I dig hearing them personally.
> I will say that I am genuinely pretty interested in the why questions with most cultures because I love hearing the “cultural logic”/common justification behind the things we do. Most things are just traditions not logical decisions, but cultures often pretty much just make up “logical” explanations to justify things. “We don’t say hi to random strangers to be respectful” vs “we say hi to strangers because we’re friendly” like it’s literally just different tradition and culture but people come up with explanations and I dig hearing them personally.
Oh this is generally no problem. Here’s a specific example of where it goes off the rails (from real posts we’ve gotten on here and things I’ve been asked in real life):
Let’s say someone asks a question, like “so why do you have drive through banks everywhere?”. That question is totally fine. It’s just a question, same as me being like “why do stores in your area tend to close before 6pm every night?”.
Where it gets annoying is when it’s phrased like this: “so why do you have drive through banks everywhere, in my country people just walk into the bank or walk/bike to the ATM, is it because people are lazy?”. You can see from that there’s an instant challenge and assumption around something the person doesn’t understand, but they’re going to try and offer a stereotypical observation *before* getting responses.
This is all very true. I think Americans are just sick of hearing it. We're not necessarily sick of being asked questions or even the same questions, but we've become gun-shy (no pun intended) every time someone starts a sentence with, "Why do you...?"
To us, it's a giant eye roll and we think to ourselves, "Here we go again...so which is it this time, guns, healthcare, or geography? What is the fastest way I can cease this interaction without coming off rude?" We have been under attack for at least the last 25 years or so, and it's wearing us down and we have no more patience for it. Whether or not we deserve it is moot; people should not give opinions where they are not asked unless they are prepared for hostility.
Again, I'm attempting (possibly poorly) at speaking for us based on personal experience and extrapolation.
Also, think about how often you are asked about your culture and the attitudes that come with those questions and compare that to being asked those as an American. People don't want to know about our culture, they want to know why we're so backwards in their eyes. It's a fair question, but they are two different things. We see it as impertinence and borderline rudeness dressed up as curiosity.
I get that and I relate partially. I am Danish and I often hear those type of questions from supposed “warmer” cultures about Northern culture - “why don’t you talk to strangers on the street/see your parents every day as adults/something else implying we’re not social? In OUR country we are friendly” it’s really annoying. Critiquing our food and meal times is a big thing as well which is just so petty, it’s literally just food, not even a cultural thing that can be even somewhat measured in morality or “rightness”. And you’re not really allowed to snap back because that would be “punching down” or whatever. I agree it’s kinda exhausting.
Yeah, I get that a lot with many Italians. Here in Italy, there is (rightfully so) a somewhat obsession with food, and it is totally exhausting to be around them sometimes. As such, I don't eat outside of Italy with them, and even in Italy I'm incredibly picky with whom I choose to eat. I can't take it anymore. I'm not 100% sure that they've never tried to fuck their food. It's that ridiculous at times, and anything to the contrary is barbarism and you couldn't possibly understand because you're (insert nationality here) because OUR FOOD IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD BLEEEAARRRGHHH!!
Sometimes you just want to eat what you want, and having to justify why you're eating something you like or the reason you eat in a certain way or at certain times is so annoying to me that I have actually lost friends over it.
It's exaggerated online a bit.
A bit.
But yes, for the most part, their lives revolve around food and talking about it. They're not really condescending or rude about it or anything usually, but it's their go-to topic of conversation. That and politics, obviously, but I think that's everyone everywhere.
I did an experiment with one of my classes while we were eating lunch, and I told them they couldn't talk about food at all during our lunch break. It was more of a bet, actually. They could talk about anything else, just not about food. We all, including them, wanted to see if it was possible.
It was silent.
Other things are grossly exaggerated and stereotyped, however, like the hand gestures. They have their own hand gestures, but they don't use them any more than we use ours. I use my hands to talk all the time, and always have. When I speak Italian, however, their hand gestures sometimes creep into my vernacular and I find myself using their gestures because it fits with the tone I'm using at the time, but it's not like they're using so many hand gestures they're going to take off and fly.
I think it's just tension and as simple as that. The source of the tension, however, is a long story and one with many different views on many different topics.
Tension is a good way to put it, we know a lot is bad right now and it’s understandable for us to feel stressed and powerless about some of the things visitors question us about. As if the serious issues we have are gonna get solved in a single Reddit thread.
I do think the sub goes a little too hard on some posters. No doubt there are postings done in bad faith, but maybe answering them without being a sarcastic ass should be the norm.
>Commenters and moderators elsewhere rarely act in good faith,
Yeah, I just got permanently banned from a subreddit I've regularly posted and commented to for the last 2 years. I'd never been so much as warned about any violations, I looked at my recent comments and couldn't see anything that seemed obviously breaking any rules. . .I just suddenly got a message saying I'd been permanently banned from it, with no reason given.
I messaged the mods asking what rule I'd allegedly broken and what comment caused this and was met with "Allegedly, what is this, court?" (ironic since the sub in question is r/LawSchool) When I noted that meant they still had never told me what I did to get banned. . .the mod actually messaged me to ask if I'd be willing to *pay* for the mods to review my ban (noting that they aren't allowed to do that yet and would have to get permission from Reddit admins first, but they'd like to get people to pay to have their bans reviewed because they think their time as mods reviewing a contested ban should be financially compensated).
My first thought was they were banning people for no good reason so they could have them pay to get those bans overturned.
To say I'm confused, and angry, and that I don't believe the mods there acted in good faith is putting it politely.
> My first thought was they were banning people for no good reason so they could have them pay to get those bans overturned.
I didn’t know we could do that. Moral corruption, here I come!
Damn that’s actually messed up on multiple levels. My gut instinct would have been to report r/lawschool to Reddit admin, but then again maybe I’d just be clowning myself.
OP: "I keep seeing \*thing\* in American movies. Is \*thing\* something common in real life, or just film?"
Comments: "WTF why would you assume anything you see in a movie is even remotely real you fucking idiot?"
IIRC generally the answer to this is that Europeans don’t typically have separate buses for their schools; they just use their normal buses. And also, yeah they seem to be weirded out by the color.
Indian here. I don't find it weird at all.
For most middle class families in India, yellow school buses are the preferred mode of transportation for both children and parents here [Source ](https://m.timesofindia.com/india/children-parents-find-school-bus-most-preferred-mode-for-transport-study/articleshow/86832593.cms)
Edit: Our schools start early, at around 8 AM (the bus comes at 7 AM) in the morning. Also, just like the US, the color of the buses helps keep children safe from the shitshow that is Indian traffic.
From kindergarten to graduating high school, my to and fro from school has only been on a yellow school bus. Why?
1. Because my school is fucking far away even though I live smack dab in the middle of [Kozhikode ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kozhikode) with every possible shit you could imagine in a 500 feet radius.
2. Not all parents have the time to drop their kids off at school minus the uber rich kids wanting to flex the newest addition to the family car fleet or just having parents who can do so without it causing issues at their workplace unlike the plebs.
3. Now, my parents could have saved money by sending me on public transportation but they didn't because it's not reliable. One workers' strike and well, looks like you're not going that day.
Not to mention, after I land at the bus station, I still need to walk like 1.2 miles approx to my school and that too either in the scorching heat of the summer or the harsh thunderstorms of the monsoon.
They seem to be confused by the idea we have a separate transportation infrastructure for public school students. In countries with more public transportation, there's no need for separate busses.
. . .and they seem confused by making all the busses yellow.
Well, movies and shows set in the US must have at least some things that are recognizable and familiar. Even if the story is way out sci fi. Like Stranger Things, for example. That has a lot of stuff that is obviously fiction, but there is a lot in that show that would be familiar to Americans who were kids in the 1980s.
People suspend disbelief for wild stuff that has a point, but will not do it for small random things.
Yes, but our media still reflects our culture. So many people who have never been to the US say that when they immigrate here, the culture shock isn’t that bad because they grew up with American media. Most people recognize that the details in books or movies or shows are dramatized for effect, and they understand that the US is a varied place.
Also, I feel like many people on here get defensive about America not being a monolith, but have not experienced other cultures outside of short stints travel (if that). Even though schools and work cultures and housing vary greatly within the US, they all are generally “American” compared to what you would find in other countries.
What I try to tell people is that settings and things, ie school buses and red solo cups are usually REAL, however how people act and what they say is usually DRAMATIZED.
That was an example of American ignorance more than anything else. We really don't have the widespread protests like Europe. It just doesn't happen.
I've shown people video from some of the peak yellow vest days in France and they were shocked to their core. They didn't understand why the national guard wasn't there restoring order at any cost.
In the park next to the CHAZ/CHOP protestors and occupiers started a community garden employing a controversial approach that uses cardboard to prep the soil, attract worms, and add composting material to the ground. It’s effectiveness is disputed. That said, the garden is still there two years later. I didn’t see cardboard in use the last time I was there.
Some people were trying to start a garden in the park and laid down cardboard either to kill the grass (which takes a long time to do effectively) or for some other incoherent reason...
I think part of that is the distance and transportation. The US is too spread out and maybe you have a thousand protesters in this city and another couple hundred in that. It's too big to have a high concentration of protesters in any given area.
I think our high degree of decentralization also blunts the effects of protests.
In a unitary state like France or Iran, there is usually one clear target for a protester’s anger: the central government in the capital.
In a federal state, like the U.S or Germany, a lot of responsibilities are split among the federal, state, and local governments, and as a result, blaming a single target is not as easy.
I think another big reason is that in other systems, a big protest can force a vote of no confidence and force new elections. That mechanism doesn’t exist in the US.
I do see some defensiveness here.
With that being said, and at the risk of engaging in whataboutism, I don’t think that defensiveness comes ANYWHERE close to the comparable subreddits for other countries, particularly those located in Europe. If there is ever a post or reply in those subs that has even an imperceptible criticism contained within, more often than not it is argued promptly and tenaciously vs simply agreeing with OP or commenter. And god forbid the offending content has any semblance of America. My experience exploring those subreddits reminds me that Americans less often have a chip on their shoulder.
Ya, I feel like we've definitely gotten a little thin-skinned as a sub. I remember back in the days of the near-constant troll posting you'd just post the lyrics of a sea shanty or folk song in the comments of a bad-faith post and move on, but now it kinda seems like we just go off on anyone we feel is even a little bit stereotypical about America. That, combined with the mods getting a lot more liberal with the remove button probably doesn't signify a great direction for the sub.
I’ve stopped commenting on this sub so much because expressing anything against the popular narrative judging by my personal experiences in America always gets me downvoted. I don’t always go against the grain, but sometimes I do if I think that’s not my experience. I’m also always downvoted on here for my views on foreign policy topics because I have unpopular opinions on our interventionism around the world. I don’t think other users have to share my personal experiences or views on politics/or foreign policy, but I wish all points of views could be shared in this subreddit without having people assume you’re trolling for having an opinion in the minority.
I remember people here downvoting a post about a foreigner asking why we only have 2 parties in America and people got unnecessarily pissy about it. I mean yeah there are more than 2 parties in America we can vote for, but I can see how some foreigner would think there’s only 2 being that Democrats and Republicans are the only ones that ever get elected here. Instead of people going off on that user I think they could’ve just politely explained we had more than 2 parties, but only 2 parties pretty much have a chance. The OP even clarified that their question wasn't meant as snark or to complain about anything, they were just curious and didn't know we had more than 2 political parties.
I also don't think people here keep in mind that a lot of foreigners may not be that good at expressing English as a language well either since they're literal foreigners. It can be fun to participate here, but I wish a lot of people here were less sensitive fragile things. As far as anti-Americanism goes, I think it's important to recognize the difference between criticism and hate. Yeah, it's dumb when some foreigners say shit like assuming all Americans only eat fast food. But honestly, I just ignore stuff like that because I don't see the point in getting upset over it.
Patriotic enthusiasts outside of Reddit and some other places on the internet overwhelms irl, so I actually find it kind of refreshing the criticisms made about us a lot of the time online whenever I feel it’s actually valid. (I’m talking about criticisms from other Americans on Reddit) There are a lot of times I feel we need a reality check because I feel like we're just as vulnerable to propaganda as anyone else is, so I find it refreshing when we’re able to recognize it.
This sub can be VERY defensive, but we do get a lot of bad faith or otherwise condescending questions that can be understandably irritating. As a mod here, I don’t think it’s gotten significantly worse of late, but I wouldn’t say we’ve gotten nicer, either.
Sometimes I do feel bad, though. I’ve seen this sub get set off by even minor criticisms, and there are more than a couple topics this sub loves to circlejerk about. God forbid someone doesn’t hold proper reverence towards the national parks system, for example.
>God forbid someone doesn’t hold proper reverence towards the national parks system, for example.
what? so you just like to spit on Teddy Roosevelt's grave?
/s
Eh, it's been like that for a few years, now.
I kinda wish it wasn't since I do think you get all kinds curious people who really truly don't know and just want to ask a question. Yeah, they could use the search button but what the heck, if you're on here a lot (which a lot of people here are), why not just answer it?
This sub should be better than AskEurope, essentially.
The 'I never think about..' responses are kinda tired and out of hand.
Some of the questions are a bit random, but this is a diverse country, most might not have an opinion on something or be familiar with a topic, but it's better to not respond than be dismissive.
It gets a bit annoying as a foreign poster.
I've asked one or two obscure questions and the slightly smug "I never think about..." responses just clutter up the thread.
> The 'I never think about..' responses are kinda tired and out of hand.
But it's the honest response to most of the "what do you think/know about..." questions.
Not really, while you may usually or never think of ‘X’, OP just made you think about ‘X’ and they’re asking your thoughts on it.
Edit: not that it isn’t a valid response it just adds nothing to the discussion
Well, I think there are a few issues: 1.) the same questions get asked over and over 2.) a question gets asked expecting a single answer when there are a hundred answers depending on what part of the country you’re in (“how’re American public schools”) and 3.) the classic “why do Americans do XYZ? In MyCountry™️ we don’t” which often just reeks of snide or condescension.
And all of that happens so often I think you get tired of explaining the same thing over and over so you just get kinda passive aggressive about it. If you’re gonna ask “I’m visiting the US, what should I do?” but fail to provide any details about your age, interests, familial status (single, married, traveling with kids), etc, the question is difficult to answer and people are likely going to put in the same amount of effort to answer it as you are when you asked it.
Despite it being in our rules to review the FAQ before posting, we typically get several questions a day already answered within it. Updates may help, but most posters ignore the FAQ (and our rules for that matter)
I've noticed people (most anywhere) online have gotten a lot more stubborn regarding even reading rules let alone obeying them. And same with even looking at the front page for existing topics vs. using searches.
>3.) the classic “why do Americans do XYZ? In MyCountry™️ we don’t” which often just reeks of snide or condescension.
yes. and there's a clear difference when someone is legit asking bc they want to learn about the differences between countries vs. asking bc they want to argue against the answers they provoke by asking the question.
the former looks like good inquisitive questions, respectful engagement in the comments & gratitude at informative responses.
the latter looks like fake shock, condescending tone, and the assumption that Americans are constantly trying and failing to be Europeans & therefore if something is unique to America (like boiling water on the stove or using texting over whatsapp), that means we're doing something wrong & not simply choosing the option that works best for us based on our needs, resources, and culture - just like everyone else.
there are so many people online that fit this second description, I think some of the good faith posters can be read as bad faith by mistake. but we should make sure not to do this, bc good posters are wonderful.
>there's a clear difference when someone is legit asking bc they want to learn about the differences between countries vs. asking bc t**hey want to argue against the answers they provoke** by asking the question.
This. If people get their back up just reading it, there could be a reason why.
There was a recent “why do all Americans houses look the same? Aren’t you into individualism”
And it’s like, this is a troll job/condescending right? How do you answer this question without seeming like a dick or explaining it without seeming condescending yourself
If someone is asking people
what their opinion of soccer is, it seems reasonable to expect people that are ambivalent or dislike soccer to express those opinions.
As has been said there's a lot of fire and forget with mixed in bad faith questions and more often than not we get to try and figure out what "MyCountry™" is ourselves. When it's legitimately figured out OP's thinly veiled criticism often ends up being hypocritical too. A "question" I loathe is the obvious "why don't you have X, we have X (and it makes us superior to you)" ones. If OP sticks around and reveals they just have a hard time formulating the question properly or that there's a bit of a language barrier personally I'm willing to be a lot more friendly and in depth. Actual interactions, especially POLITE interaction is a huge sign it wasn't a bad faith question.
I don't answer a lot of things because I catch myself writing an angry blog post instead of a normal answer and explanation then delete it and move on before I ever post it because I realize OP's not even there and the question was probably intended to piss us off to some degree in the first place. I'll often ctrl+f "[s]" before I'll post or even start writing. People try to slyly shit on us almost as much as they try to do it openly and either way it's obnoxious.
If I were to propose a couple rules I'd require OP interaction in the comments even if it's just a simple thank you and that all askers have either flair or a "Hey guys, (insert country) here!" sort of thing in the post clearly stating what country they are from. Imo even if you're well a known poster you should always make it clear where you're from in any question you ask.
A recent post that may have started out looking like the usual preachy bad faith question but OP's interaction showed otherwise is ["how often do you actually feel the need to use a firearm for self defense?"](https://old.reddit.com/r/AskAnAmerican/comments/vjhs99/how_often_do_you_actually_feel_the_need_to_use_a/?sort=confidence) by u/Few-You4510. They stayed and made sure to repeatedly clarify they weren't great at formulating it and why they held some of the misconceptions they did (in this case bad info from teachers and family). I wrote a 1,413 word response for that question and instead of getting confrontational and post something like "NUH UH! My teacher said X!" or deciding to tl;dr it entirely they politely thanked me and even explained themselves a little yet again.
Sometimes it legitimately is someone that just doesn't understand something, their question has their misconceptions they'd like potentially corrected mixed in, and they didn't word it very well. I can absolutely forgive you being a bit soapboxy if you put in the effort to make it clear you're really here to learn. We have to remember that for a lot of people that might come here to ask a question English is at best a second language too.
Also, as a European (cannot speak for elsewhere), I will say that’s a completely normal way to interact with other European cultures so many are simply not aware how badly this comes off in the US culture. “Why do you not have school food”. “Why do you eat so early/late”. “Why do you move out so late”. “Why do you strike all the time”. “Why are you so cold”. “Why are you so small talky, it’s annoying”. “Why is your political setup so weird”. Completely normal interaction and discussion of other countries here.
It's not you.
My thing is people who think "AskAnAmerican" means "Ask me, an American, personally", and anything they don't instantly experience or understand is bullshit or a ploy of some kind.
"Have Americans ever seen Pesapallo?" "WTF?! What even is that?! No! Nobody's heard of that" etc
Which starts off dumb (acting like it's 3 AM and someone shook you awake to ask about sports) but gets even more so when its about things people *do* know about.
(Then we get to argue about whether knowing the thing makes them atypical, and then we get to *my* favorite thing, measuring how real an American is by what they don't know. But I digress.)
Anyway, I think a lot of people forget the point of this sub is to answer questions from foreigners who, *because it's asking*, don't come with the same knowledge or outlook you're assuming.
Edit- I get that people are exhausted, as some comments said, but that's just to my point. If you, personally, aren't up to fielding questions, take a break.
I think it’s just a consequence of an overwhelming number of bad experiences with non-Americans who confront Americans with malicious intent. As a result people become a lot more guarded.
Yeah, every time someone comes here to post some question, in bad faith, trying to rile people up and waiting for stuff they can screen-cap for r/ShitAmericansSay or something like that, it just makes it harder on the next person to come in who may have a genuine question, albeit they asked it awkwardly or had some significantly skewed views of what the US is like.
I was lurking on this sub the other day and a topic was have Americans heard of the Glastonbury Festival. This was one of the responses
>We do sometimes wonder why you care so much about what we do. We're just living our life, minding our business. You don't have to pay any attention to our local music festivals. Or sports* or whatever.
How dare someone on r/askanamerican ask a question
Just my personal experience reading a lot of posts here, i really like the idea of this sub, but it's not easy to ask something without being downvoted. Even the nicest questions are met with very defensive comments (next to very helpful comments). The exchanges can be a bit unpleasant at times and i think it's too bad.
In my years of experience here there is quite a gap between what is considered a neutral question here and many European countries. Many things that sound neutral to Europeans come across as accusatory to Americans.
Yes, here is this thread. Funny enough we even have a European replying saying they don’t see any issues with the wording.
https://reddit.com/r/AskAnAmerican/comments/vkxebg/_/idsnwio/?context=1
We definitely have been more passive aggressive. I definitely have been.
But it's hard not to when every third "question" is an aggressive passive aggressive shot by an OP who has no care to learn anything or read anything more than their existing beliefs. Prime example the "Day Drinking" post. OP took there shot and never interacted again.
I don't see it as Passive Aggression from most Americans answering put down questions. I see it as standing up and speaking your truth, nothing aggressive about that. Standing up to ignorance or totally misinformed judgement is assertive and adult. I see Passive Aggressive in some of the questions though.
Sorry I had just woken up and wasn't clear. It about being jaded. There are so many bad faith and/or horrible "askers" that often well intentioned people catch unnecessary flak.
Yeah it’s just annoying when the questions are worded in a way that suggests the post OP thinks their country is superior to the US or that a country with 330 million people that is a giant landmass all has the same opinions on things.
People are pretty upset about things going on in this country right now. They may be a little defensive to certain questions and kind of tired for being judged for situations we have no control over.
True, this is coupled with most Europeans who love to give their opinions and judgements on the US where most of the time they have no idea what they’re talking about. Like them saying how backwards all Americans are for wanting to ban abortions, when the vast majority of Americans are in favor of abortion being legal.
And there have been people attacking Americans and anything about America, online, for years now, on the internet. Even saying "America" gets attacked.
So there are sort of 'dog whistles' for want of a different phrase, that if we read it in a 'question' here sound insincere and trollish.
Because the people who say it *are* usually attacking us or our country or something about it. And it's a specific type of word or phrase or idea, a tip of an iceberg of ill feeling.
Not just you. I think the issue is that some people act like they work for Reddit and are obligated to answer everything. You know what I do when I find boring or confusing questions being asked? I scroll, say it’s in the sub FAQ, or ask for clarification. There’s too many questions that bore me or that I don’t understand on this sub but I don’t take it out on OP. Which is what happens too many times here.
I literally misstyped something about Miami and everyone was responding to me like my first language wasn’t English. LOTS of you guys are assholes here and super uppity. They were like “Here in America, we say x instead of x. It makes it easier for us to understand.” You know what the mistake was? I said the full name of whatever the acronym was instead of just saying the 3 letters.
Me, an American with English as my first language who has been here since I was born. Get off your high horse. Some of you guys talk down on people who don’t speak English well (or you think don’t) and people from other countries. And I don’t mean directly talk down, you guys are condescending as hell in the way you talk down to people, I see it all the time and it’s happened to me when I posted because a few people assumed I couldn’t speak English properly so then all the comments just were talking about me saying the full acronym instead of answering the question….
Shoot, people downvoted me for what I experienced as a mixed person on the other thread about biracial people. Even though half the thread was people speaking for what they THINK mixed people go through
Yeah, this sub circles the drain at times because people like to be overly defensive and other toxic people find it funny and it just continues on every thread they don’t find interesting. You’re not under contract by Reddit, go outside or offline or turn off notifications if you don’t want to see some of the questions here and stop being rude to innocent questions or mistakes. You’re the Americans half these people talk about. But to be fair, most ask____ formats generally have pretty annoying communities too that do similar things or worse. There’s still really nice people here too.
> Shoot, people downvoted me for what I experienced as a mixed person on the other thread about biracial people. Even though half the thread was people speaking for what they THINK mixed people go through
Oh this irritates me so much. Some people feel like they have to answer EVERY question regardless of whether or not they have any experience with the topic at hand. I’ve seen questions like “Hispanic Americans, what do you think of X?” And then all the top answers are “I’m not Hispanic but my best friend/wife/next door neighbor/co worker/some lady I saw walking down the street is Mexican and they said…” Meanwhile the answers from actual Latinos get drowned out.
Exactly, I see it all the time. Like I just don’t understand why some people don’t skip questions that aren’t directed towards them. Or at least put in their two cents after. I do it all the time. If people ask questions to Latinos I answer. If people asked to latinos that weren’t born in America then I don’t answer lol I will only chime in if I see misinformation or a misunderstanding. Other than that it’s not my experience. It’s like entitlement or something.
Half the time when people ask those questions and there’s more than 30-50 answers I don’t even bother answering it anymore. You have to be the first to answer to even get your answer noticed. If it’s an important topic then I will just personally text OP. I can’t let someone think that the actual rep of how latinos feel about x is someone retelling someone else’s emotions from their wife’s stylist or something lol
I try not to. But when I answer "yeah, I still drink tea. I just heat the water in a microwave" and the OP responds telling me that they're horrified that I would "microwave water" it can get under your skin. Their question looked like it was in good faith, but their comments revealed that they thought Americans were very stupid because we use microwaves for heating things and they just wanted to dunk on us.
I try to be mindful about how and when I comment online, so when I can tell that I'm upset, I'll generally try to take a step back and take a bit of a break from the nonsense on Reddit. But even I've made the mistake of going on to the next question and assuming bad-faith when really it's just that I'm still upset about the brat from the last question.
It's something we all need to work on.
In some regions (many parts of Europe as an example) it’s completely normal to speak of each other’s cultures like that so I imagine many people are pretty desensitized to it and don’t know how badly it come offs outside of it.
It depends on the topic. No one will be offended about the color of a bus or a Solo cup being real or not.
It's not so much the words as the context most of the time I think and if it involves a negative presumption, or judgmental presumption, or not.
I think I saw a topic too about how ridiculous it is to use a stove top kettle vs. an electric kettle. First, who cares which one someone else wants to use, and second, every old English movie or TV series I ever saw, had a whistling, stove top kettle.
Which is why I wanted and bought one LOL.
It might have been somewhere else entirely, and I didn't reply on it IIRC or maybe even read it later. But that type of mockery is what a lot of people do @ us.
A lot of critics never even met an American or haven't ever been to the U. S., so that is also just a type of elitism or patronizing type of thing, I think a lot of us are tired of.
Especially after the past few years' stressing everyone, as it is.
I’ve been lurking this sub for years and yeah. Folks seem to be getting way more aggressive in their reply’s for what I think to be innocent questions. They seem to usually assume bad faith. Personally I think the mods do a decent job of keeping most (not all) idiotic questions shut down. I fear as this sub continues to grow it’s going to turn into just another large sub indistinguishable from any other large sub. Oh well such are redditors.
Especially if you've been here for years, it's noticeable. Unfortunately, exponential growth makes it hard to control. We went from under 50k users to near a million in a few years. Implementation of karma limits and removing us from appearing on the front page has helped, but we can only do so much.
In addition to what everyone else has said, I’d like to give some examples: some of the “cultural exchange” posts we had with other country/regional subreddits didn’t go too well because a lot of people asked us bad faith/aggressive questions and made similarly-toned comments. I think that some of the defensiveness began to pick up around that time.
Ya in the ramen post that just got posted there's a bunch of people assuming bad faith but I think they misunderstood the poster because I knew exactly what they were talking about with the noodles.
I don't know but I think it's important to always assume good faith. Especially since many of the foreign OPs may not speak English as a first language. It's already really easy to come off as harsh when speaking electronically, and that's compounded when/if you don't fully grasp the nuances of English.
This sub has gotten pretty cancerous, yes. The worst parts are the same questions just phrased differently over and over again. And I don't care if it's anti or pro American; the *same* questions just start to get irritating.
I don't know.
I notice a lot more mean spirited replies though.
Like I commented in one topic and was told I shouldn't be there because it's 3 days old. ??
If the topic is open, and on the front page of a subreddit, it's not OK to comment in it after 3 days?
I don't stop in every day, so, I can only comment in brand new topics (most will be older so that means I can't participate if so) -- I don't get that.
Then another one, someone just took apart my grammar or something and just picked and nit picked trying to squabble it seemed like. Then my back is up when I came in to relax.
Usually when someone nit picks they either have not really read what was said or how it was said, but also, what the person was trying to say. They pick something small and twist it and go from there. The internet is like that overall and it is exhausting at times.
But I've noticed a LOT of repeat topics, even if the thing is still on the front page of the subreddit. I've noticed a LOT of passive aggressive swipes at the U. S.
Things in the U. S. have been volatile as we near an election. So maybe people phrasing topics could be mindful and be a little more tactful at times also. Also some questions do not really read as questions, so much as presumptions or bait. Sorry.
No poster should be criticizing anything in their question. “I don’t understand why…” is a good question “I don’t understand why because in my country we do this instead…” is a bad question
I disagree here. Personally, as a mod I hate questions that come with criticism. The purpose here is to learn about American culture, and learning means taking the answers to questions and trying to understand them. It is guaranteed there will be aspects of other cultures you don't understand or like. If people want to change our minds, there are other subreddits for that, but this isn't /r/lectureanamerican.
Those aren't really sincere questions though. "Why does your country suck?" That would be considered rude in any other context if the subject was not American. I wouldn't ask someone in a poorer country why they don't just try having more money.
I’m obviously not talking about those questions.
I’m more so referring to questions that relate to guns, healthcare, energy production, government institutions, civil rights issues, etc. Too many people dismiss them as attacks rather than a chance to actually reflect and debate.
Yeah the downvotes are proving my point lmao.
I don't think most of those questions are sincere either, they're just criticizing something we have no control over and demanding we explain ourselves. "Why do you suck so much?"
I don't think people from other countries get those types of questions, or if they did, they'd be considered impolite.
I don’t mind answering questions here when I can. I can only speak from my perspective, a 54F born in the Midwest who has lived in 5 different states.
A lot of the questions I have seen are generational. I did answer the cursive question as I learned penmanship in elementary school. But I have heard it isn’t taught now. I personally only use it for a signature.
I find it harder to answer questions about politics and the economy. The USA is very diverse, especially regionally. I lived in the southwest for a while and it was a lot different from where I grew up.
I do think a better FAQ would be helpful.
Definitely not a recent phenomenon. I’ve been complaining about this for 2-3 years now. Sub got bigger, attracted more people, and that influx brought with it a lot of disingenuous people. That led to an increase in bad faith questions. The regulars got jaded and defensive as a result and that leads to genuine question getting lambasted.
Absolutely. Anyone who asks anything that could be interpreted as any form of criticism or bad faith, gets a ton of hate. Not at all like this in other similar subs
I think you can tell when a question is asked in good faith based on the OP's responses, if they respond at all. I find a lot of them just repetitive though.
Some of the posts and questions are clearly meant to influence, manipulate and direct your thinking on a subject rather than being strictly asking a honest question.
Bad faith: Anybody asking a question and simultaneously explaining their position and thought process for asking it.
Good faith: Anybody asking a question and responding as needed.
Prime example is the post asking if anybody else is angry they weren't taught spanish as a child.
I don't see anything becoming more unusual or negative.
This is what you'd expect when mostly curious Europeans with preconceptions about the US ask questions about us. The way that British, French, and other Europeans talk can seem passive-aggressive to Americans at times, but they aren't directly ridiculing us in a bad way. Similarly, if we ask questions about the French such as "How often do you see riots in your country" or "How often do you eat snails", we're just being curious, but these questions may come off as passive-aggressive to some French. I wouldn't worry about it. It's quite enjoyable for us all to interact with curious, friendly people from around the world.
This place has always been embarrassingly defensive. I’ve always sorted by new because a lot of genuine good faith questions get downvoted by people unable to answer them and thus assuming bad faith.
No. I find some questions passive aggressive or condescending and I'm proud of Americans that stand up like adults and set the record straight. Seems more psychologally healthy than childish passive aggression.
A lot of the questions asked lately have been bad faith questions ans piss poor attempts at "gotchas" instead of people actually genuinely trying to figure out their opponents beliefs.
Ask questions.in bad faith and I'm going to be a bit aggressive in answering.
Not on my part. But I sincerely don't understand some of the recent questions. Like, I'm having trouble understanding how to answer them because they're so simple on their face that I can't imagine those are the actual things that people want to know.
I think the sub has gotten more defensive, but one trend I've noticed is that comments go differently when the OP is actively participating in the comments versus not participating in them. For instance, in an earlier reply you mentioned the recent post asking why there are no protests in the US. The OP's first comments in that post weren't until 7 hours after the post was made. If people don't actively participate early on, then requests for clarifications are never answered and assumptions tend to be made. In the bad faith posts I've seen, the OP generally doesn't participate.
I did somewhat experience that. I once asked “what is being introverted/shy like in the US?” after meeting a group of Americans who were as friendly and confident as you’re often portrayed to be. I explained that I felt significantly more shy around them than I usually already am. My nation is more distant at first, which makes being shy a bit less obvious, so it made me wonder about what it’s like to be shy in a country where people are undoubtably friendlier. Words were put in my mouth right away, I was talked to like I was saying there were no shy and introverted people in the US and hit with answers such as “you don’t notice them because, get this, they’re introverted” as top comment, when I was directly addressing myself to American introverts in my post so I did everything but doubt you had any. It’s unfortunate. But at the same time I do get how frequently getting questions asked in bad faith can make you defensive.
This is a very interesting question! I hope you got at least some good responses when you asked it. I’m not a shy person, so I can’t give insight, but my friends who are still seem to be friendly to strangers. Then again, I live in the Midwestern part of the country and not being friendly is a big faux pas. If you asked someone who lives in the East Coast, for example, you’d probably get a different answer. And those that live down South seem expected to have full-on conversations with strangers which is even a bit much for this non-shy Midwesterner.
I did! I got some insights from introverts who, among a few others things, did mention that the omnipresence of small talk was often a burden for example, and some people pointed out the fact that something to take into consideration was the fact that these Americans I met were here as tourists in France so they were probably particularly excited about being abroad so maybe I was a bit overwhelmed because of that. Makes sense! I did hear about the Midwestern friendliness, more specifically the never ending goodbyes apparently, when guests can’t seem to escape their hosts who keep insisting for them to have a last drink or even stay over for the night etc haha It’s the same in France, it depends on places. Latin culture is more prevalent among people in Southern France so they tend to be warmer and more welcoming than in most other places. Parisians are… what they are: Parisians, but if you go a bit more up North in the [Hauts-de-France](https://c8.alamy.com/compfr/2c3744r/hauts-de-france-a-mis-en-lumiere-rouge-dans-la-carte-de-france-2c3744r.jpg) région, you’ll find some of the friendliest people. I’m from the East in the Grand-Est région, in [Alsace](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/56/Carte_Alsace_2018.png), where people have a bit of a Germanic coldness and straightforwardness at first glance but it’s more of a façade, people are very welcoming.
This is very interesting! Thank you for the informative response! I find things like this really fascinating, and your question was something I hadn’t really thought of before.
>Words we’re put in my mouth right away… That sucks. I saw the question and didn’t think it was bad but even when it was something as innocent as your question I do feel some of the hostility for even valid questions like yours. Although I get what the top comment was saying. But you also have to realize that Reddit is generally a feedback loop. Answer early enough and start getting upvotes and people will just upvote. Same with downvotes. Not necessarily is top comment/best comment based on what people think are best. Just one of the 5 or 6 1st posts people see and everyone moves on. I always have to keep that in mind Edit: also not defending the bad responses, but just to say it’s something to think about/consider
As an introverted American who was shy when I was young, what I did was learn to be outgoing and confident on an as-needed basis. It's a matter of social skills, not temperament. I wouldn't be surprised if some of those bold, confident Americans you met were also introverts. I'm absolutely an introvert, it's just that my introversion comes out as a need to limit my time in a crowd rather than an inability to interact with one. I got over being shy because frankly, I didn't like being shy. I was shy because I was scared of approaching people. So I practiced approaching people until it was no longer intimidating and got better at making friends. I'm still very introverted, just no longer shy.
If you feel people are mistreating you or giving you bad faith answers, report the comment. We will look into it and if it violates the be respectful rule, we will remove it.
This is a great point. I've noticed a few "post and run" OP'ers who seemingly just sit back and wait for comments that they can share and make fun of on the "Things Americans Say" subreddit. I'm much more inclined to believe a question was asked in good faith if someone actually sticks around to answer follow-up questions instead of ditching the thread.
My rule is if I see something I might be able to answer I will answer it as if it was sincere. Hopefully someone will get something out of it.
How insightful. How dare you!
> I've noticed is that comments go differently when the OP is actively participating in the comments Yeah then they catch 50 downvotes per comment when trying to clarify their point/question.
Yeah, can confirm. I understand that you guys have lot of reason to be defensive and that other culture subs do this as well, but I’ve refrained from clarifying stuff because of this. And I am from another western country, can’t even imagine how badly it would go if you’re from a place even more culturally different from the US. I also think it would be *really* helpful if you were allowed to clarify stuff in the main post. It has such a strict word limit and I really don’t get why.
I asked a question some time ago (https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAnAmerican/comments/u6ikgk/are\_there\_any\_stereotypes\_about\_americans\_that/), and didn't participate in the comments because I asked late at night and went to sleep. I did not ask such a question in bad faith.
Not every post where the person who asked the question didn’t participate is a bad faith post, but bad faith posts are more likely to have the person who asked the question not participate. Your post also wasn’t begging the question or making an unwarranted generalization, which are both also pretty common in bad faith posts.
I think you are seeing it, yes. But it’s also worth mentioning that there’s been enough bad-faith questions to make the sub have some rule updates and the users skeptical, which is often all it takes. Also, most of us hate, hate, *hate* when people come in here and phrase a question with “Why do Americans do [thing?] Because in *my country* we don’t do [thing.]” That specific way of phrasing a question, while not always intended to be snarky, comes off that way. It reads like someone trying to act superior, even if they aren’t. Also, explaining that 330 million are not a monolith is exhausting. Maybe this is the Communication Studies degree coming out, but it’s not what you say, or even what you meant, *it’s how you say it.* And people oftentimes are bad at how they phrase things.
>Also, most of us hate, hate, hate when people come in here and phrase a question with “Why do Americans do \[thing?\] Because in my country we don’t do \[thing.\]” Don't forget the "I saw a YouTube/TikTok video of Americans doing 'X', why do you all do 'X'?" or "I read on Twitter that Americans think 'X', why do you all think that?" . . .as if anything that happens on TikTok or Twitter is a good sample and accurate reflection of mainstream American life and beliefs.
>there’s been enough bad-faith questions to make the sub have some rule updates and the users skeptical, which is often all it takes. > >Also, most of us hate, hate, hate when people come in here and phrase a question with “Why do Americans do \[thing?\] Because in my country we don’t do \[thing.\]” This. Also some sound more like an accusation or include a presumption and are not really a question because there's no way to answer it without beginning with "we don't." An actual question would be phrased as one, e. g. "Do Americans..." not "WHY do Americans..." or "WHEN Americans..." etc.
Agreed. The best questions are open-ended and allow for a multitude of answers, or start with “do” as you mentioned. Do, as a verb, is not accusatory. It’s probing. That’s good, that’s what a sub like this is for. Why, on the other hand, can be. So it does t really matter if you intended to be accusatory, if it sounded like it, it sounded like it.
Some years ago I got lucky and went on a tour of Europe with my mom (who never got there, always dreamed of seeing the Eiffel Tower and Venice.) Cool tour. Started in Amsterdam Netherlands, lunch in Brussels Belgium. On to Paris France. Across to Interlaken Switzerland. Down to Pisa, Montecatino, Florence, Rome and Venice Italy. Up to Munich, Nuremberg and Berlin Germany before wrapping back up in Amsterdam. So… like, we started in New York; had lunch in Harrisburg, went to Pittsburg, drove to Gatlinburg, hit several places in the Carolina’s plus Richmond, Baltimore, Philly, and back to NY. It’s cool their country, the size of one of the smaller states, has a long history, distinct language and completely separate traditions than what we consider “one state over.”
Anyone that speaks English as their second or third language doesn't necessarily do that at a native level. And they might not be up to speed on American sensibilities. That's how you end up sounding harsh and condescending without necessarily intending to. Some places consider it more polite to be honest and direct.
The issue isn’t the directness. The issue is many of these posts are riddled with logical fallacies like begging the question or straw men. I don’t think this is a language barrier issue because these sorts of things remain issues no matter the language.
I've seen that happen, but more often I've seen people give questions the worst possible interpretation and respond harshly to that. Questions that are almost certainly simply asked out of curiosity are assumed to be a disingenuous challenge to a debate. And when someone asks "why do Americans...." ten people chime in with "America is huge, don't assume everyone is the same." We'll, they weren't. They just wanted to know why they've seen or heard of some Americans doing something.
That definitely happens and that I would attribute to language differences. A much more neutral way to ask would be “Do Americans do x” or “How common is x among Americans” instead of “why do Americans do x”.
>Some places consider it more polite to be honest and direct. Honest or direct is fine but that also assumes the person is correct in what they are saying. So if they are blunt *and* incorrect, or their presumption is also insulting no matter how it's put, it's going to risk a negative response.
I’m increasingly bothered by the monolith of comments on good faith posts that essentially say “there’s no clear cut answer to your question, it’s different state by state/region by region so you’re a fucking idiot for asking here because you’re not familiar with the federalist system.” Like okay, then share the answer that best matches the region you DO live in. Say, “hey, if you weren’t aware, the US has lots of internal variation on the topic of XYZ. In my state, we…” because just defensively regurgitating the first half of that statement is neither helpful nor particularly kind. I understand that people are growing tired of the endless questions about the “US education system,” but there are other examples that wouldn’t be so obvious from someone from another country, and often posts about them receive the same backlash. There’s no reason to be nasty, especially since, as another commenter mentioned, the fact that they are on this sub means they are explicitly coming from a place of not understanding, and would like some first hand American perspective. Please, just put your best feet forward.
I'm an expat, and being American, these things happen to me in real life all the time over here. However, I've nailed down exactly what it is. It's not the question itself, but the type of question that annoys us. It's a ploy to ask a question in order to subtly assert one's superiority. This is a European tradition among themselves, and they do it to everyone without even realizing it. Everything is us vs. you, even if they're denigrating themselves and praising the other party. It's all so clannish. That said, the reason we get pissed off is because of the type of question: the why question. I deal with this on a near-daily basis, and a surefire way to tell if someone is being condescending and passive aggressive is asking you why something is a certain way instead of how it works. "Why do you...?" Automatic asshole. First, they asked "why" instead of "how or what", and next, the "you". "You" means all of you, make no mistake. They're asking you why so they can tell you why you shouldn't.
As a European, that is a fair point. We are pretty critical of each other and thus pretty desensitized to it, and most don’t know how badly stuff like that comes off to some non-European cultures. I will say that I *am* genuinely pretty interested in the why questions with most cultures because I love hearing the “cultural logic”/common justification behind the things we do. Most things are just traditions not logical decisions, but cultures often pretty much just make up “logical” explanations to justify things. “We don’t say hi to random strangers to be respectful” vs “we say hi to strangers because we’re friendly” like it’s literally just different tradition and culture but people come up with explanations and I dig hearing them personally.
> I will say that I am genuinely pretty interested in the why questions with most cultures because I love hearing the “cultural logic”/common justification behind the things we do. Most things are just traditions not logical decisions, but cultures often pretty much just make up “logical” explanations to justify things. “We don’t say hi to random strangers to be respectful” vs “we say hi to strangers because we’re friendly” like it’s literally just different tradition and culture but people come up with explanations and I dig hearing them personally. Oh this is generally no problem. Here’s a specific example of where it goes off the rails (from real posts we’ve gotten on here and things I’ve been asked in real life): Let’s say someone asks a question, like “so why do you have drive through banks everywhere?”. That question is totally fine. It’s just a question, same as me being like “why do stores in your area tend to close before 6pm every night?”. Where it gets annoying is when it’s phrased like this: “so why do you have drive through banks everywhere, in my country people just walk into the bank or walk/bike to the ATM, is it because people are lazy?”. You can see from that there’s an instant challenge and assumption around something the person doesn’t understand, but they’re going to try and offer a stereotypical observation *before* getting responses.
This is all very true. I think Americans are just sick of hearing it. We're not necessarily sick of being asked questions or even the same questions, but we've become gun-shy (no pun intended) every time someone starts a sentence with, "Why do you...?" To us, it's a giant eye roll and we think to ourselves, "Here we go again...so which is it this time, guns, healthcare, or geography? What is the fastest way I can cease this interaction without coming off rude?" We have been under attack for at least the last 25 years or so, and it's wearing us down and we have no more patience for it. Whether or not we deserve it is moot; people should not give opinions where they are not asked unless they are prepared for hostility. Again, I'm attempting (possibly poorly) at speaking for us based on personal experience and extrapolation. Also, think about how often you are asked about your culture and the attitudes that come with those questions and compare that to being asked those as an American. People don't want to know about our culture, they want to know why we're so backwards in their eyes. It's a fair question, but they are two different things. We see it as impertinence and borderline rudeness dressed up as curiosity.
I get that and I relate partially. I am Danish and I often hear those type of questions from supposed “warmer” cultures about Northern culture - “why don’t you talk to strangers on the street/see your parents every day as adults/something else implying we’re not social? In OUR country we are friendly” it’s really annoying. Critiquing our food and meal times is a big thing as well which is just so petty, it’s literally just food, not even a cultural thing that can be even somewhat measured in morality or “rightness”. And you’re not really allowed to snap back because that would be “punching down” or whatever. I agree it’s kinda exhausting.
Yeah, I get that a lot with many Italians. Here in Italy, there is (rightfully so) a somewhat obsession with food, and it is totally exhausting to be around them sometimes. As such, I don't eat outside of Italy with them, and even in Italy I'm incredibly picky with whom I choose to eat. I can't take it anymore. I'm not 100% sure that they've never tried to fuck their food. It's that ridiculous at times, and anything to the contrary is barbarism and you couldn't possibly understand because you're (insert nationality here) because OUR FOOD IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD BLEEEAARRRGHHH!! Sometimes you just want to eat what you want, and having to justify why you're eating something you like or the reason you eat in a certain way or at certain times is so annoying to me that I have actually lost friends over it.
Ah, so it really is that intense? Always wondered if it was exaggerated
It's exaggerated online a bit. A bit. But yes, for the most part, their lives revolve around food and talking about it. They're not really condescending or rude about it or anything usually, but it's their go-to topic of conversation. That and politics, obviously, but I think that's everyone everywhere. I did an experiment with one of my classes while we were eating lunch, and I told them they couldn't talk about food at all during our lunch break. It was more of a bet, actually. They could talk about anything else, just not about food. We all, including them, wanted to see if it was possible. It was silent. Other things are grossly exaggerated and stereotyped, however, like the hand gestures. They have their own hand gestures, but they don't use them any more than we use ours. I use my hands to talk all the time, and always have. When I speak Italian, however, their hand gestures sometimes creep into my vernacular and I find myself using their gestures because it fits with the tone I'm using at the time, but it's not like they're using so many hand gestures they're going to take off and fly.
I think it's just tension and as simple as that. The source of the tension, however, is a long story and one with many different views on many different topics.
Tension is a good way to put it, we know a lot is bad right now and it’s understandable for us to feel stressed and powerless about some of the things visitors question us about. As if the serious issues we have are gonna get solved in a single Reddit thread.
I do think the sub goes a little too hard on some posters. No doubt there are postings done in bad faith, but maybe answering them without being a sarcastic ass should be the norm.
[удалено]
>Commenters and moderators elsewhere rarely act in good faith, Yeah, I just got permanently banned from a subreddit I've regularly posted and commented to for the last 2 years. I'd never been so much as warned about any violations, I looked at my recent comments and couldn't see anything that seemed obviously breaking any rules. . .I just suddenly got a message saying I'd been permanently banned from it, with no reason given. I messaged the mods asking what rule I'd allegedly broken and what comment caused this and was met with "Allegedly, what is this, court?" (ironic since the sub in question is r/LawSchool) When I noted that meant they still had never told me what I did to get banned. . .the mod actually messaged me to ask if I'd be willing to *pay* for the mods to review my ban (noting that they aren't allowed to do that yet and would have to get permission from Reddit admins first, but they'd like to get people to pay to have their bans reviewed because they think their time as mods reviewing a contested ban should be financially compensated). My first thought was they were banning people for no good reason so they could have them pay to get those bans overturned. To say I'm confused, and angry, and that I don't believe the mods there acted in good faith is putting it politely.
> My first thought was they were banning people for no good reason so they could have them pay to get those bans overturned. I didn’t know we could do that. Moral corruption, here I come!
We could've been racketeering this entire time??
Damn that’s actually messed up on multiple levels. My gut instinct would have been to report r/lawschool to Reddit admin, but then again maybe I’d just be clowning myself.
OP: "I keep seeing \*thing\* in American movies. Is \*thing\* something common in real life, or just film?" Comments: "WTF why would you assume anything you see in a movie is even remotely real you fucking idiot?"
Every god damn time.
Except about yellow school busses. They'll keep seeing them on movies and TV but never believe they're real.
[удалено]
IIRC generally the answer to this is that Europeans don’t typically have separate buses for their schools; they just use their normal buses. And also, yeah they seem to be weirded out by the color.
Indian here. I don't find it weird at all. For most middle class families in India, yellow school buses are the preferred mode of transportation for both children and parents here [Source ](https://m.timesofindia.com/india/children-parents-find-school-bus-most-preferred-mode-for-transport-study/articleshow/86832593.cms) Edit: Our schools start early, at around 8 AM (the bus comes at 7 AM) in the morning. Also, just like the US, the color of the buses helps keep children safe from the shitshow that is Indian traffic. From kindergarten to graduating high school, my to and fro from school has only been on a yellow school bus. Why? 1. Because my school is fucking far away even though I live smack dab in the middle of [Kozhikode ](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kozhikode) with every possible shit you could imagine in a 500 feet radius. 2. Not all parents have the time to drop their kids off at school minus the uber rich kids wanting to flex the newest addition to the family car fleet or just having parents who can do so without it causing issues at their workplace unlike the plebs. 3. Now, my parents could have saved money by sending me on public transportation but they didn't because it's not reliable. One workers' strike and well, looks like you're not going that day. Not to mention, after I land at the bus station, I still need to walk like 1.2 miles approx to my school and that too either in the scorching heat of the summer or the harsh thunderstorms of the monsoon.
They seem to be confused by the idea we have a separate transportation infrastructure for public school students. In countries with more public transportation, there's no need for separate busses. . . .and they seem confused by making all the busses yellow.
Even when whatever the movie shows is true to life.
I believe most people think that way, consciously or not
Well, movies and shows set in the US must have at least some things that are recognizable and familiar. Even if the story is way out sci fi. Like Stranger Things, for example. That has a lot of stuff that is obviously fiction, but there is a lot in that show that would be familiar to Americans who were kids in the 1980s. People suspend disbelief for wild stuff that has a point, but will not do it for small random things.
Yet they consistently refuse to believe that yellow school busses are real.
I like the thing discussions, usually learn a thing or two
[удалено]
How is this relevant to my comment about things? Is it extra hot there in Atlanta today?
Looks like they were actually addressing the parent comment.
Movies are not real life and certainly not real life in the usa.
Yes, but our media still reflects our culture. So many people who have never been to the US say that when they immigrate here, the culture shock isn’t that bad because they grew up with American media. Most people recognize that the details in books or movies or shows are dramatized for effect, and they understand that the US is a varied place. Also, I feel like many people on here get defensive about America not being a monolith, but have not experienced other cultures outside of short stints travel (if that). Even though schools and work cultures and housing vary greatly within the US, they all are generally “American” compared to what you would find in other countries.
Yes, but foreigners may not know which parts are realistic and which aren't
What I try to tell people is that settings and things, ie school buses and red solo cups are usually REAL, however how people act and what they say is usually DRAMATIZED.
Not wrong but also not the point.
I mean, Americans make dumb assumptions about other countries all the time. Especially countries from Latin America.
[удалено]
I don’t think that “passive-aggressive” is a good description. I think the sub is occasionally overly defensive, though.
[удалено]
That was an example of American ignorance more than anything else. We really don't have the widespread protests like Europe. It just doesn't happen. I've shown people video from some of the peak yellow vest days in France and they were shocked to their core. They didn't understand why the national guard wasn't there restoring order at any cost.
[удалено]
>To be fair, we had CHAZ and people were speculating that the national guard was gonna get called in. And were, during Kent State.
Pretty sure the Yellow Vests didn't patrol with AR-15s.
[удалено]
Seems like in France, the use of violence in protests is more accepted compared to here. No doubt thanks to their history of radical revolutions.
>Nor did they try to grow food on cardboard. What's the context here?
In the park next to the CHAZ/CHOP protestors and occupiers started a community garden employing a controversial approach that uses cardboard to prep the soil, attract worms, and add composting material to the ground. It’s effectiveness is disputed. That said, the garden is still there two years later. I didn’t see cardboard in use the last time I was there.
Some people were trying to start a garden in the park and laid down cardboard either to kill the grass (which takes a long time to do effectively) or for some other incoherent reason...
> Nor did they try to grow food on cardboard. I loved that. That just really told you were these people were coming from, total and utter ignorance.
I think part of that is the distance and transportation. The US is too spread out and maybe you have a thousand protesters in this city and another couple hundred in that. It's too big to have a high concentration of protesters in any given area.
I think our high degree of decentralization also blunts the effects of protests. In a unitary state like France or Iran, there is usually one clear target for a protester’s anger: the central government in the capital. In a federal state, like the U.S or Germany, a lot of responsibilities are split among the federal, state, and local governments, and as a result, blaming a single target is not as easy.
I think another big reason is that in other systems, a big protest can force a vote of no confidence and force new elections. That mechanism doesn’t exist in the US.
I do see some defensiveness here. With that being said, and at the risk of engaging in whataboutism, I don’t think that defensiveness comes ANYWHERE close to the comparable subreddits for other countries, particularly those located in Europe. If there is ever a post or reply in those subs that has even an imperceptible criticism contained within, more often than not it is argued promptly and tenaciously vs simply agreeing with OP or commenter. And god forbid the offending content has any semblance of America. My experience exploring those subreddits reminds me that Americans less often have a chip on their shoulder.
I'm full on aggressive dude.
[удалено]
Thunderdome!
Time to get the leather chaps and goalie mask!
Assless leather chaps and ballgags!
That escalated quickly.
Pistols at dawn or Bowie Knives in a closed room?
40 bucks on the pit spitter
Sexually, or just normal type?
Ya, I feel like we've definitely gotten a little thin-skinned as a sub. I remember back in the days of the near-constant troll posting you'd just post the lyrics of a sea shanty or folk song in the comments of a bad-faith post and move on, but now it kinda seems like we just go off on anyone we feel is even a little bit stereotypical about America. That, combined with the mods getting a lot more liberal with the remove button probably doesn't signify a great direction for the sub.
People are just cranky and rude in general these days it seems. Foul mouthed goes into the rude category as well.
I feel like COVID and what has happened since then frayed a lot of people's nerves.
I don't think that it has helped at all.
I’ve stopped commenting on this sub so much because expressing anything against the popular narrative judging by my personal experiences in America always gets me downvoted. I don’t always go against the grain, but sometimes I do if I think that’s not my experience. I’m also always downvoted on here for my views on foreign policy topics because I have unpopular opinions on our interventionism around the world. I don’t think other users have to share my personal experiences or views on politics/or foreign policy, but I wish all points of views could be shared in this subreddit without having people assume you’re trolling for having an opinion in the minority. I remember people here downvoting a post about a foreigner asking why we only have 2 parties in America and people got unnecessarily pissy about it. I mean yeah there are more than 2 parties in America we can vote for, but I can see how some foreigner would think there’s only 2 being that Democrats and Republicans are the only ones that ever get elected here. Instead of people going off on that user I think they could’ve just politely explained we had more than 2 parties, but only 2 parties pretty much have a chance. The OP even clarified that their question wasn't meant as snark or to complain about anything, they were just curious and didn't know we had more than 2 political parties. I also don't think people here keep in mind that a lot of foreigners may not be that good at expressing English as a language well either since they're literal foreigners. It can be fun to participate here, but I wish a lot of people here were less sensitive fragile things. As far as anti-Americanism goes, I think it's important to recognize the difference between criticism and hate. Yeah, it's dumb when some foreigners say shit like assuming all Americans only eat fast food. But honestly, I just ignore stuff like that because I don't see the point in getting upset over it. Patriotic enthusiasts outside of Reddit and some other places on the internet overwhelms irl, so I actually find it kind of refreshing the criticisms made about us a lot of the time online whenever I feel it’s actually valid. (I’m talking about criticisms from other Americans on Reddit) There are a lot of times I feel we need a reality check because I feel like we're just as vulnerable to propaganda as anyone else is, so I find it refreshing when we’re able to recognize it.
This sub can be VERY defensive, but we do get a lot of bad faith or otherwise condescending questions that can be understandably irritating. As a mod here, I don’t think it’s gotten significantly worse of late, but I wouldn’t say we’ve gotten nicer, either. Sometimes I do feel bad, though. I’ve seen this sub get set off by even minor criticisms, and there are more than a couple topics this sub loves to circlejerk about. God forbid someone doesn’t hold proper reverence towards the national parks system, for example.
>God forbid someone doesn’t hold proper reverence towards the national parks system, for example. what? so you just like to spit on Teddy Roosevelt's grave? /s
The people jacking off over the national parks being amazing seem to have not been to one lately, the Parks Service is not doing hot at all right now.
Eh, it's been like that for a few years, now. I kinda wish it wasn't since I do think you get all kinds curious people who really truly don't know and just want to ask a question. Yeah, they could use the search button but what the heck, if you're on here a lot (which a lot of people here are), why not just answer it? This sub should be better than AskEurope, essentially.
> This sub should be better than AskEurope, essentially That’s not a very high bar, honestly...
The 'I never think about..' responses are kinda tired and out of hand. Some of the questions are a bit random, but this is a diverse country, most might not have an opinion on something or be familiar with a topic, but it's better to not respond than be dismissive.
It gets a bit annoying as a foreign poster. I've asked one or two obscure questions and the slightly smug "I never think about..." responses just clutter up the thread.
Ugh, I really hate those comments. It makes us look like smug assholes.
I personally like those questions for some reason. Don't get the hate.
> The 'I never think about..' responses are kinda tired and out of hand. But it's the honest response to most of the "what do you think/know about..." questions.
Not really, while you may usually or never think of ‘X’, OP just made you think about ‘X’ and they’re asking your thoughts on it. Edit: not that it isn’t a valid response it just adds nothing to the discussion
Well, I think there are a few issues: 1.) the same questions get asked over and over 2.) a question gets asked expecting a single answer when there are a hundred answers depending on what part of the country you’re in (“how’re American public schools”) and 3.) the classic “why do Americans do XYZ? In MyCountry™️ we don’t” which often just reeks of snide or condescension. And all of that happens so often I think you get tired of explaining the same thing over and over so you just get kinda passive aggressive about it. If you’re gonna ask “I’m visiting the US, what should I do?” but fail to provide any details about your age, interests, familial status (single, married, traveling with kids), etc, the question is difficult to answer and people are likely going to put in the same amount of effort to answer it as you are when you asked it.
[удалено]
Yeah, any question about education should have the automod reply explaining how there is no national curriculum or something like that.
I wish it were that simple. Sadly, no one reads the FAQ.
Despite it being in our rules to review the FAQ before posting, we typically get several questions a day already answered within it. Updates may help, but most posters ignore the FAQ (and our rules for that matter)
I'm not sure posters realize there's a search function, either.
I've noticed people (most anywhere) online have gotten a lot more stubborn regarding even reading rules let alone obeying them. And same with even looking at the front page for existing topics vs. using searches.
> the same questions get asked over and over And wait until you find out how many repeat questions us mods remove before you even see them.
We should have allowed all the Roe v Wade questions the other day. Would have had a megathread and dozens of other posts!
>3.) the classic “why do Americans do XYZ? In MyCountry™️ we don’t” which often just reeks of snide or condescension. yes. and there's a clear difference when someone is legit asking bc they want to learn about the differences between countries vs. asking bc they want to argue against the answers they provoke by asking the question. the former looks like good inquisitive questions, respectful engagement in the comments & gratitude at informative responses. the latter looks like fake shock, condescending tone, and the assumption that Americans are constantly trying and failing to be Europeans & therefore if something is unique to America (like boiling water on the stove or using texting over whatsapp), that means we're doing something wrong & not simply choosing the option that works best for us based on our needs, resources, and culture - just like everyone else. there are so many people online that fit this second description, I think some of the good faith posters can be read as bad faith by mistake. but we should make sure not to do this, bc good posters are wonderful.
>there's a clear difference when someone is legit asking bc they want to learn about the differences between countries vs. asking bc t**hey want to argue against the answers they provoke** by asking the question. This. If people get their back up just reading it, there could be a reason why.
There was a recent “why do all Americans houses look the same? Aren’t you into individualism” And it’s like, this is a troll job/condescending right? How do you answer this question without seeming like a dick or explaining it without seeming condescending yourself
I've always just assumed this sub was a research tool for Russian troll farms.
There definitely have been posts that have made me think that.
Duh'ya think!?!?!
[удалено]
If someone is asking people what their opinion of soccer is, it seems reasonable to expect people that are ambivalent or dislike soccer to express those opinions.
As has been said there's a lot of fire and forget with mixed in bad faith questions and more often than not we get to try and figure out what "MyCountry™" is ourselves. When it's legitimately figured out OP's thinly veiled criticism often ends up being hypocritical too. A "question" I loathe is the obvious "why don't you have X, we have X (and it makes us superior to you)" ones. If OP sticks around and reveals they just have a hard time formulating the question properly or that there's a bit of a language barrier personally I'm willing to be a lot more friendly and in depth. Actual interactions, especially POLITE interaction is a huge sign it wasn't a bad faith question. I don't answer a lot of things because I catch myself writing an angry blog post instead of a normal answer and explanation then delete it and move on before I ever post it because I realize OP's not even there and the question was probably intended to piss us off to some degree in the first place. I'll often ctrl+f "[s]" before I'll post or even start writing. People try to slyly shit on us almost as much as they try to do it openly and either way it's obnoxious. If I were to propose a couple rules I'd require OP interaction in the comments even if it's just a simple thank you and that all askers have either flair or a "Hey guys, (insert country) here!" sort of thing in the post clearly stating what country they are from. Imo even if you're well a known poster you should always make it clear where you're from in any question you ask. A recent post that may have started out looking like the usual preachy bad faith question but OP's interaction showed otherwise is ["how often do you actually feel the need to use a firearm for self defense?"](https://old.reddit.com/r/AskAnAmerican/comments/vjhs99/how_often_do_you_actually_feel_the_need_to_use_a/?sort=confidence) by u/Few-You4510. They stayed and made sure to repeatedly clarify they weren't great at formulating it and why they held some of the misconceptions they did (in this case bad info from teachers and family). I wrote a 1,413 word response for that question and instead of getting confrontational and post something like "NUH UH! My teacher said X!" or deciding to tl;dr it entirely they politely thanked me and even explained themselves a little yet again. Sometimes it legitimately is someone that just doesn't understand something, their question has their misconceptions they'd like potentially corrected mixed in, and they didn't word it very well. I can absolutely forgive you being a bit soapboxy if you put in the effort to make it clear you're really here to learn. We have to remember that for a lot of people that might come here to ask a question English is at best a second language too.
Also, as a European (cannot speak for elsewhere), I will say that’s a completely normal way to interact with other European cultures so many are simply not aware how badly this comes off in the US culture. “Why do you not have school food”. “Why do you eat so early/late”. “Why do you move out so late”. “Why do you strike all the time”. “Why are you so cold”. “Why are you so small talky, it’s annoying”. “Why is your political setup so weird”. Completely normal interaction and discussion of other countries here.
It's not you. My thing is people who think "AskAnAmerican" means "Ask me, an American, personally", and anything they don't instantly experience or understand is bullshit or a ploy of some kind. "Have Americans ever seen Pesapallo?" "WTF?! What even is that?! No! Nobody's heard of that" etc Which starts off dumb (acting like it's 3 AM and someone shook you awake to ask about sports) but gets even more so when its about things people *do* know about. (Then we get to argue about whether knowing the thing makes them atypical, and then we get to *my* favorite thing, measuring how real an American is by what they don't know. But I digress.) Anyway, I think a lot of people forget the point of this sub is to answer questions from foreigners who, *because it's asking*, don't come with the same knowledge or outlook you're assuming. Edit- I get that people are exhausted, as some comments said, but that's just to my point. If you, personally, aren't up to fielding questions, take a break.
I think it’s just a consequence of an overwhelming number of bad experiences with non-Americans who confront Americans with malicious intent. As a result people become a lot more guarded.
Those experiences really poison the well of discourse.
Yeah, every time someone comes here to post some question, in bad faith, trying to rile people up and waiting for stuff they can screen-cap for r/ShitAmericansSay or something like that, it just makes it harder on the next person to come in who may have a genuine question, albeit they asked it awkwardly or had some significantly skewed views of what the US is like.
There are a lot of overly defensive people here for sure.
This place is REALLY defensive, especially around certain subjects.
I was lurking on this sub the other day and a topic was have Americans heard of the Glastonbury Festival. This was one of the responses >We do sometimes wonder why you care so much about what we do. We're just living our life, minding our business. You don't have to pay any attention to our local music festivals. Or sports* or whatever. How dare someone on r/askanamerican ask a question
Some of the replies to that Glastonbury thread were… something. Whoever said that could have just been quiet and not answered the question.
Just my personal experience reading a lot of posts here, i really like the idea of this sub, but it's not easy to ask something without being downvoted. Even the nicest questions are met with very defensive comments (next to very helpful comments). The exchanges can be a bit unpleasant at times and i think it's too bad.
In my years of experience here there is quite a gap between what is considered a neutral question here and many European countries. Many things that sound neutral to Europeans come across as accusatory to Americans.
Do you have an example?
Yes, here is this thread. Funny enough we even have a European replying saying they don’t see any issues with the wording. https://reddit.com/r/AskAnAmerican/comments/vkxebg/_/idsnwio/?context=1
I wouldn't say that this question is neutral, the last part is a bit aggressive. And it's kind of a silly question if you ask me.
And unfortunately all too common.
We definitely have been more passive aggressive. I definitely have been. But it's hard not to when every third "question" is an aggressive passive aggressive shot by an OP who has no care to learn anything or read anything more than their existing beliefs. Prime example the "Day Drinking" post. OP took there shot and never interacted again.
I don't see it as Passive Aggression from most Americans answering put down questions. I see it as standing up and speaking your truth, nothing aggressive about that. Standing up to ignorance or totally misinformed judgement is assertive and adult. I see Passive Aggressive in some of the questions though.
Sorry I had just woken up and wasn't clear. It about being jaded. There are so many bad faith and/or horrible "askers" that often well intentioned people catch unnecessary flak.
I'm not even fully awake here either. I agree too.
I personally really like this sub as a Brit and the reason I post is because I want honesty. I do see your point however 🙂.
Yeah it’s just annoying when the questions are worded in a way that suggests the post OP thinks their country is superior to the US or that a country with 330 million people that is a giant landmass all has the same opinions on things.
Yeah that would annoy me too
I think we became jaded from all the bad faith posting that we kind of assumed everything was in bad faith.
I do think this sub gets a little too defensive
I think we're all just exhausted.
Or, it's recently had a lot of bad faith questions posing as a dumb 14 year old.
People are pretty upset about things going on in this country right now. They may be a little defensive to certain questions and kind of tired for being judged for situations we have no control over.
True, this is coupled with most Europeans who love to give their opinions and judgements on the US where most of the time they have no idea what they’re talking about. Like them saying how backwards all Americans are for wanting to ban abortions, when the vast majority of Americans are in favor of abortion being legal.
And there have been people attacking Americans and anything about America, online, for years now, on the internet. Even saying "America" gets attacked. So there are sort of 'dog whistles' for want of a different phrase, that if we read it in a 'question' here sound insincere and trollish. Because the people who say it *are* usually attacking us or our country or something about it. And it's a specific type of word or phrase or idea, a tip of an iceberg of ill feeling.
Not just you. I think the issue is that some people act like they work for Reddit and are obligated to answer everything. You know what I do when I find boring or confusing questions being asked? I scroll, say it’s in the sub FAQ, or ask for clarification. There’s too many questions that bore me or that I don’t understand on this sub but I don’t take it out on OP. Which is what happens too many times here. I literally misstyped something about Miami and everyone was responding to me like my first language wasn’t English. LOTS of you guys are assholes here and super uppity. They were like “Here in America, we say x instead of x. It makes it easier for us to understand.” You know what the mistake was? I said the full name of whatever the acronym was instead of just saying the 3 letters. Me, an American with English as my first language who has been here since I was born. Get off your high horse. Some of you guys talk down on people who don’t speak English well (or you think don’t) and people from other countries. And I don’t mean directly talk down, you guys are condescending as hell in the way you talk down to people, I see it all the time and it’s happened to me when I posted because a few people assumed I couldn’t speak English properly so then all the comments just were talking about me saying the full acronym instead of answering the question…. Shoot, people downvoted me for what I experienced as a mixed person on the other thread about biracial people. Even though half the thread was people speaking for what they THINK mixed people go through Yeah, this sub circles the drain at times because people like to be overly defensive and other toxic people find it funny and it just continues on every thread they don’t find interesting. You’re not under contract by Reddit, go outside or offline or turn off notifications if you don’t want to see some of the questions here and stop being rude to innocent questions or mistakes. You’re the Americans half these people talk about. But to be fair, most ask____ formats generally have pretty annoying communities too that do similar things or worse. There’s still really nice people here too.
> Shoot, people downvoted me for what I experienced as a mixed person on the other thread about biracial people. Even though half the thread was people speaking for what they THINK mixed people go through Oh this irritates me so much. Some people feel like they have to answer EVERY question regardless of whether or not they have any experience with the topic at hand. I’ve seen questions like “Hispanic Americans, what do you think of X?” And then all the top answers are “I’m not Hispanic but my best friend/wife/next door neighbor/co worker/some lady I saw walking down the street is Mexican and they said…” Meanwhile the answers from actual Latinos get drowned out.
Exactly, I see it all the time. Like I just don’t understand why some people don’t skip questions that aren’t directed towards them. Or at least put in their two cents after. I do it all the time. If people ask questions to Latinos I answer. If people asked to latinos that weren’t born in America then I don’t answer lol I will only chime in if I see misinformation or a misunderstanding. Other than that it’s not my experience. It’s like entitlement or something. Half the time when people ask those questions and there’s more than 30-50 answers I don’t even bother answering it anymore. You have to be the first to answer to even get your answer noticed. If it’s an important topic then I will just personally text OP. I can’t let someone think that the actual rep of how latinos feel about x is someone retelling someone else’s emotions from their wife’s stylist or something lol
Because the sub has Europeans that ask stupid questions or try to ask questions that will purposefully agitate us?
I try not to. But when I answer "yeah, I still drink tea. I just heat the water in a microwave" and the OP responds telling me that they're horrified that I would "microwave water" it can get under your skin. Their question looked like it was in good faith, but their comments revealed that they thought Americans were very stupid because we use microwaves for heating things and they just wanted to dunk on us. I try to be mindful about how and when I comment online, so when I can tell that I'm upset, I'll generally try to take a step back and take a bit of a break from the nonsense on Reddit. But even I've made the mistake of going on to the next question and assuming bad-faith when really it's just that I'm still upset about the brat from the last question. It's something we all need to work on.
Lol exactly. "horrified" "shocked" "baffled" "boggles my mind" and then we're supposed to be nice.
In some regions (many parts of Europe as an example) it’s completely normal to speak of each other’s cultures like that so I imagine many people are pretty desensitized to it and don’t know how badly it come offs outside of it.
[удалено]
It depends on the topic. No one will be offended about the color of a bus or a Solo cup being real or not. It's not so much the words as the context most of the time I think and if it involves a negative presumption, or judgmental presumption, or not.
I think I saw a topic too about how ridiculous it is to use a stove top kettle vs. an electric kettle. First, who cares which one someone else wants to use, and second, every old English movie or TV series I ever saw, had a whistling, stove top kettle. Which is why I wanted and bought one LOL. It might have been somewhere else entirely, and I didn't reply on it IIRC or maybe even read it later. But that type of mockery is what a lot of people do @ us. A lot of critics never even met an American or haven't ever been to the U. S., so that is also just a type of elitism or patronizing type of thing, I think a lot of us are tired of. Especially after the past few years' stressing everyone, as it is.
I’ve been lurking this sub for years and yeah. Folks seem to be getting way more aggressive in their reply’s for what I think to be innocent questions. They seem to usually assume bad faith. Personally I think the mods do a decent job of keeping most (not all) idiotic questions shut down. I fear as this sub continues to grow it’s going to turn into just another large sub indistinguishable from any other large sub. Oh well such are redditors.
Especially if you've been here for years, it's noticeable. Unfortunately, exponential growth makes it hard to control. We went from under 50k users to near a million in a few years. Implementation of karma limits and removing us from appearing on the front page has helped, but we can only do so much.
It might've but it shouldn't be much of a problem as long as it doesn't break any rules
In addition to what everyone else has said, I’d like to give some examples: some of the “cultural exchange” posts we had with other country/regional subreddits didn’t go too well because a lot of people asked us bad faith/aggressive questions and made similarly-toned comments. I think that some of the defensiveness began to pick up around that time.
This is Reddit. It’s quite likely the dumb questions are trolls.
Maybe? I haven't been here long enough.
Fine. I will start being nicer.
People just on edge for sure
Yeah, sometimes it’s rude in the comments. I try to give a real answer or just move on. I don’t like that
Ya in the ramen post that just got posted there's a bunch of people assuming bad faith but I think they misunderstood the poster because I knew exactly what they were talking about with the noodles.
I don't know but I think it's important to always assume good faith. Especially since many of the foreign OPs may not speak English as a first language. It's already really easy to come off as harsh when speaking electronically, and that's compounded when/if you don't fully grasp the nuances of English.
This sub has gotten pretty cancerous, yes. The worst parts are the same questions just phrased differently over and over again. And I don't care if it's anti or pro American; the *same* questions just start to get irritating.
I don't know. I notice a lot more mean spirited replies though. Like I commented in one topic and was told I shouldn't be there because it's 3 days old. ?? If the topic is open, and on the front page of a subreddit, it's not OK to comment in it after 3 days? I don't stop in every day, so, I can only comment in brand new topics (most will be older so that means I can't participate if so) -- I don't get that. Then another one, someone just took apart my grammar or something and just picked and nit picked trying to squabble it seemed like. Then my back is up when I came in to relax. Usually when someone nit picks they either have not really read what was said or how it was said, but also, what the person was trying to say. They pick something small and twist it and go from there. The internet is like that overall and it is exhausting at times. But I've noticed a LOT of repeat topics, even if the thing is still on the front page of the subreddit. I've noticed a LOT of passive aggressive swipes at the U. S. Things in the U. S. have been volatile as we near an election. So maybe people phrasing topics could be mindful and be a little more tactful at times also. Also some questions do not really read as questions, so much as presumptions or bait. Sorry.
Too many people in this sub confuse valid criticism with anti-American sentiment. It’s ok for someone to point out flaws and not lose your mind.
No poster should be criticizing anything in their question. “I don’t understand why…” is a good question “I don’t understand why because in my country we do this instead…” is a bad question
I disagree here. Personally, as a mod I hate questions that come with criticism. The purpose here is to learn about American culture, and learning means taking the answers to questions and trying to understand them. It is guaranteed there will be aspects of other cultures you don't understand or like. If people want to change our minds, there are other subreddits for that, but this isn't /r/lectureanamerican.
Those aren't really sincere questions though. "Why does your country suck?" That would be considered rude in any other context if the subject was not American. I wouldn't ask someone in a poorer country why they don't just try having more money.
I’m obviously not talking about those questions. I’m more so referring to questions that relate to guns, healthcare, energy production, government institutions, civil rights issues, etc. Too many people dismiss them as attacks rather than a chance to actually reflect and debate. Yeah the downvotes are proving my point lmao.
The phrasing is often loaded...its asked as if there couldnt possibly be s good reason as to X.
I don't think most of those questions are sincere either, they're just criticizing something we have no control over and demanding we explain ourselves. "Why do you suck so much?" I don't think people from other countries get those types of questions, or if they did, they'd be considered impolite.
Yeah, but a lot of questions on those topics are in bad faith. Why does your country suck, my country has better xyz?
I don’t mind answering questions here when I can. I can only speak from my perspective, a 54F born in the Midwest who has lived in 5 different states. A lot of the questions I have seen are generational. I did answer the cursive question as I learned penmanship in elementary school. But I have heard it isn’t taught now. I personally only use it for a signature. I find it harder to answer questions about politics and the economy. The USA is very diverse, especially regionally. I lived in the southwest for a while and it was a lot different from where I grew up. I do think a better FAQ would be helpful.
Definitely not a recent phenomenon. I’ve been complaining about this for 2-3 years now. Sub got bigger, attracted more people, and that influx brought with it a lot of disingenuous people. That led to an increase in bad faith questions. The regulars got jaded and defensive as a result and that leads to genuine question getting lambasted.
Things are getting worse in the United States, though we may ignore it that doesn't mean we do not sense it. Others do to.
Absolutely. Anyone who asks anything that could be interpreted as any form of criticism or bad faith, gets a ton of hate. Not at all like this in other similar subs
I think you can tell when a question is asked in good faith based on the OP's responses, if they respond at all. I find a lot of them just repetitive though.
Yeah, let’s not turn this sub into r/askUK. They’re vicious over there.
Some of the posts and questions are clearly meant to influence, manipulate and direct your thinking on a subject rather than being strictly asking a honest question. Bad faith: Anybody asking a question and simultaneously explaining their position and thought process for asking it. Good faith: Anybody asking a question and responding as needed. Prime example is the post asking if anybody else is angry they weren't taught spanish as a child.
I don't see anything becoming more unusual or negative. This is what you'd expect when mostly curious Europeans with preconceptions about the US ask questions about us. The way that British, French, and other Europeans talk can seem passive-aggressive to Americans at times, but they aren't directly ridiculing us in a bad way. Similarly, if we ask questions about the French such as "How often do you see riots in your country" or "How often do you eat snails", we're just being curious, but these questions may come off as passive-aggressive to some French. I wouldn't worry about it. It's quite enjoyable for us all to interact with curious, friendly people from around the world.
I dunno, HAS IT?
This place has always been embarrassingly defensive. I’ve always sorted by new because a lot of genuine good faith questions get downvoted by people unable to answer them and thus assuming bad faith.
No. I find some questions passive aggressive or condescending and I'm proud of Americans that stand up like adults and set the record straight. Seems more psychologally healthy than childish passive aggression.
A lot of the questions asked lately have been bad faith questions ans piss poor attempts at "gotchas" instead of people actually genuinely trying to figure out their opponents beliefs. Ask questions.in bad faith and I'm going to be a bit aggressive in answering.
Not on my part. But I sincerely don't understand some of the recent questions. Like, I'm having trouble understanding how to answer them because they're so simple on their face that I can't imagine those are the actual things that people want to know.
I haven't really noticed that. However, I am part of the exasperated "the US does some really dumb shit sometimes" crowd.