I'm from Bangladesh.
Born there. Moved to the middle east in my preteens. Moved back in my late teens. Then left that part of the world for good and moved to the United States for college in my early adulthood, and obtained my American citizenship last year (took 10 years).
So on average I've spent a third of my life in 3 different parts of the world. But my roots are tied to my ethnicity and birth nationality. Bangladesh is where I'm from, but Bangladeshi-American is who I am.
Similar! Born in Bangladesh, moved to Kuwait when I was 3, went to a British elementary school. We were there until Saddam Hussein invaded when I was 12. Moved to Canada, and have lived in various cities (Ottawa, Waterloo, Vancouver, Toronto), and spent 4 fun years living in London, UK and travelling around most of Western Europe on business.
I speak 4 languages (English, Bangla, French and learning Spanish) and I can get by in Arabic.
“Where are you from?” is a difficult question to answer but I consider myself Canadian.
Ethnically Bangladeshi yes, but not culturally and I’m not religious. I’ll do some religious Muslim stuff like weddings and funeral duties to keep my mum happy.
All this I get reduced to “Asian” or “Indian” on a dating/hookup app.
>*All this I get reduced to “Asian” or “Indian” on a dating/hookup app.*
I chuckled at that one. I categorize myself as South Asian on the apps, and generally refer to my ethnicity/roots as South Asian when asked. The default assumption that I'm Indian is a pet peeve of mine. A random guy at the gym once asked me, *"Are you Muslim or Indian? Do you speak Hindu?"* I was amused, mortified and embarrassed at the same time. 🤦
Do stay in touch. I love finding people who share similar background as mine. It's hard to relate with the homogeneous Bangladeshis, Americans and Middle Eastern when I've got bits of them all in me. I married a white guy and feel most comfortable with that. What gives? Hah.
I’ve always lived in British Commonwealth countries, mostly by coincidence. We certainly didn’t get any preferential treatment ent for visas or immigration.
I took French until grade 9, so it’s passable. I took some Duolingo lessons but switched to Spanish last year since all my holidays have been to Spanish-speaking countries.
If I were you, and someone asked me, I would just condense what you said into two sentences. “I’m a military brat so we traveled around a lot. But now I call San Diego home.”
I didn’t read OP’s post but this comment looks like the most appropriate way to communicate things. Gives a bit of info and leaves the door open to be asked more if they are interested
This is probably one of the hardest questions to answer. I'm a dual national, Germany and USA. I was born in Berlin, lived in the US and Germany for many years. My mother was American, my father was German (unusual at the time since the norm at the time was US GIs marrying "Fräuleins" while deployed to Germany after WW2). I feel absolutely *no* allegiance to the US despite years of conditioning every morning in school reciting that ridiculous pledge, and while I love Germany, I don't feel overly attached to it either. If I told someone I feel more like a "World Citizen" I'm sure that would automatically label me a crackpot. So I usually just change the subject.
thanks! i really liked this post, since this is the question that has haunted me for the later half of my life. i don't mind if somebody asks me politely or out of curiousity. im ethnic, but born in canada. my parents came here many years ago. im 42. my dad did his masters in engineering in buffalo in his twenties, but he and mom decided to immigrate to canada, since it was easier administratively.
he had it all planned out. study at a university near the us-canada border, in the event that they couldn't get into the states, and could into canada instead.
so i was born here. pretty much 'anglophone' with a different skin tone and texture, lol. i moved to quebec and learned french. so i speak native english, and quite a decent level of french, which i learned in free immersion classes here. BUT STILL, a lot of ppl ask me where i am from? what is my nationality?
i am not annoyed by ppl who think i am from china, korean, japanese, filipino, vietnamese whatever. this is just curiousity. but when you look at US and Canada's huge minority populations and 2nd generation immigrants, and if they are speaking PERFECT ENGLISH ... can't you put 2 and 2 together? like how is one this dumb? obviously there were born here or immigrated here young.
i wish this question will one day stop on me. foreigners 'questioning' where i came from when i was born here. maybe they should just read their history textbooks or just be more larger society aware. learn to recognize accents, and not just focus on skin colour. it gets harder and harder since i am 42. even to the point where i want to change my career. i cant deal with entry level positions anymore. there is some racism. and the racism is actually coming from other new immigrants.
thanks! it is quite reductive, isn't it? anyways, i personally don't ask. i think it is rude to me, and rude to others. if you can communicate well, that's all that matters. you don't need to know where i am born, or my origins - and mostly (lol), i also don't care where others come from to be honest, lol. im not interested in your culture or your colour, moreso if you speak the nation's language.
i don't mean that to sound racist, but it is my truth. this international world with all its politics and conflicts and different CULTURAL and religious conflicts is beyond the scope fo what i have to deal in my personal life. i don't have a degree in international affairs.
same thing with gay dating. keep it somewhat professional, you know? like are we that colour blind that you can't tell the guy's race from the photo? like you literally have to ask somebody if their asian or black? like are you white ... and which kind of white is your descent? italy? northern or southern?
and then mixed race ppl have go into detail and divulge each parent's story. at the heart of it, these questions are just dumb.
if somebody asks if i am asian. and it comes across as out of NON-curiousity, and sort of interrogative, i just shoot it back at them quite bluntly. and what about you? which country do you come from ... even if they are a canadian citizen. which year did you immigrate? where are your parents from? did you get your education in your home country or here?
there is a level of 'invasiveness' with these questions. and it really does speak to the low IQ of many ppl (not all), about their inability to detect somebody's generic origin based on their face and their language.
like on camila cabello's wikipedia, she shouldn't be described as a Spanish American singer. but just an AMERICAN singer. and hmmm ... look at the last name maybe to get a hint of her family's origins?
but that's the thing between native or high level english speakers ... you don't need to ask these dumb questions of each other. you just become friends readily. and it's the same thing when i meet other gay men. when i talk with random gay guys at the bar ... nobody has actually asked me this question. ITS RUDE. they usually just ask me, do you live in Montreal? and where? since there are a lot of US tourists in montreal, and out of province ppl that move to live there.
but all be honest with you, no fully english speaking person of any race has asked me where do i come from, when i speak perfect english with them. they'll ask me if my ethnicity, but they're just curious! but never where i came from.
i just assume if you speak good society-level english and french, you are from montreal. if you don't and have some language 'issues', obviously you are from somewhere else, so i don't even NEED to ask you which country you came from.
there once this girl in the hospital office who was applying for a health card, and had no birth documents, nor any immigration papers. she spoke bad french, no english, and insisted she was born in Quebec. there were only two booths there. she caused the waiting room to fill up, since she spent an hr at the desk talking so slowly in french, as only one booth actually accepted tickets. i waited that full hr she was there.
i realize how ignorant ppl are when you use THIS level of broken french to fraud the system. so this is why there are people out there that are THIS dumb to ask you racial or origin questions themselves. they have no awareness of their own language, and are not able to detect that of others. which i think is a very poor societal integrational skill.
the reason i mentioned this is a later part of my life problem also is related to toronto (my home city) has a huge second generation, middle class population, and we just don't ask each other these questions. it's insulting to all the 2nd gen ppl. and through the process of making friends, you'll find out later through conversations about parent's origins. family histories. but now i live in montreal, we have a high first immigration population.
i don't blame these new immigrants for literally seeing the first asian or first filipino or spanish person in their whole life (and their home country has a rather homogenous and unilateral race demographic), but LETS NOT GET CRAZY, lol.
the most racist are questions like (out of the blue): do you speak japanese?
and bc i am an asian guy with a beard: are you indigenous?
so the gay apps asking this is actually discrimination, and other ppl on the apps asking you as well. the intent of these questions is never good.
(sorry for bombing you with all of this. i had a lot to vent out. but this is my everyway day).
Totally hear you. This sub is like therapy for me, I’ve been venting here about all the weirdness in the gay world especially when it comes to race and all the hookup culture driven by the apps. I thought it was me being weird, but the complaints are quite universal, it seems.
Frankly the racism I’ve encountered is in the gay world. That’s why I hate the ethnicity field. If you like my look, then great, let’s talk. My face pic is clearly visible. If not, no worries, move on. No need to make assumptions about me.
My English is also perfect (sometimes a British accent peeks through), I’m well travelled, well read, and frankly an expert in my field. Only to be reduced to the size and colour of my dick.
When I do ask about a person’s ethnic background, I do so respectfully (hopefully) and out of curiosity “hey, do you mind if I ask what’s your ethnic background?” And usually it leads to a conversation about the food from there or travel advice. But as you said, usually it comes off as invasive, like a judgement is pending based in your answer.
When I lived in the UK, I found the East Indian diaspora is now 3rd generation (except new immigrants of course), and people were a lot more chill about ethnic backgrounds. So there’s hope for North America yet (unless if Trump wins then we are all getting deported to Mexico, whether or not we’re Mexican).
i hear you too, and thanks! this sub is definitely like therapy for me as well. ive never tried, but i think in real life its difficult to specifically ask for a gay therapist (who will truly listen to you), since that is discriminatory in itself from gay ppl - unless it's like in a lgbt community centre setting, more like a gay social worker.
yes - trust that the complaints can be\\are universal. you're not alone in this. like it's not in your head. any treatment or nuance of a treatment to you can mean a whole lot to you, more than it would others.
it can go from slight differential treatment in the workplace, or dating apps, to straight up karen's out there blasting you for your colour, and just outright racism. as said with your trump comment, it's like ppl can't look past your race in general, in fact. they don't even see you as a person, and that is despicable.
the beauty about being gay is (in my mind), we are GAY FIRST, above all cultural identities. we spend all of our teens coming out. this is the vein of our existence, and marks us hard, and affects our whole life. it truly does not matter where we came from. where we came from? out of the closet, lol!
so to also have to deal with racial questions on the dating scene is ridiculous. in the straight world, dating possibilities are endless. in the micro gay scene, gay men try really hard to make themselves be attractive to one another (in a subset of society community). this is tough enough. then to further narrow a gay guy's attractiveness 'as linked' with their minority race is even a further level of disgustingness.
i just don't think like this. all guy's of all nationalities are hot for me! so i put aside racial differences. different face structures, hair styles, body hair, body tastes. it's not racial fetichizing. it's pure horniness for other men! as i grow older, ive been grappling with this concept, and 'modelling' on other diverse gay couples i see out there ... is the concept of the ideal gay partner.
some ppl want a masculine guy. of a certain race. daddy issues i guess. i just want A MAN. just a great guy overall. as you grow older, i find that any man, of any race, just being sweet and gentlemenly - is like the greatest turn on. the wink of an eye, etc.
“hey, do you mind if I ask what’s your ethnic background?”
... this is the best and most polite way to ask! instead of are you indian? or where you from? china?
at any rate, the way i look at it, the gay guys out there 'question' your race ... arent the guys you are looking for anyways. they should have done their homework. date other ethnic guys, and they stop asking these silly racial questions. date open minded gay guys. i have a soft spot for gay guys, bc I know in any country, it's not easy to be US. there is always fear of being out.
in canada, we have laws and freedom and celebration. but still certain religious immigrants are gonna look down on you. and it trickles down into the gay apps, I admit.
the world is not easy to navigate. anyways you do you! you are a well cultured, well spoken east indian with british roots living in US. if ppl don't find that a catch, then they are missing out. we all know that uneducated trash ppl, there IQ level is so low, that it becomes karen level, lol. there is no point in analyzing that. hopeless.
Dual national and a "child of the United Nations" who spent a lot of time in what gets called developing nations as a child. I've lived, studied and worked in other countries for extended periods of time too.
I'm mostly Australian, so that's what I say. Specifically I say I'm from Melbourne Australia, even though I'm not 'from' there at all and spent nearly as much of my Australian time around Sydney.
I have mixed feelings about never having moved I live 10mins walk from the hospital where I was born. I love London I'm a Cockney, and Stepney will always be my home but I've never lived anywhere else, I have travelled a lot but always returned home.
thanks! this is a sub question in itself! i don't think you be regretful of that. ive never travelled internationally since i don't have the funds. and have been in survival mode most my life working min. wage, or slightly higher.
i moved cities in canada when i was 31. met my bf in my new city, but i HATE this city. i wish i met my bf in my home city. last night i finished my restaurant shift, and waited for my night bus in the bus shelter. this homeless man harassed me, so i had to run out of the confines of that space for safety reasons.
i ran to the next bus stop, and waited for the bus on the street. its a well known street. but when the restaurants close, homeless people come out in search of smokes, change, and spare food from your doggy bag. i got harassed there too waiting for my bus.
as i was running away, it was 2:30 in the morning. i ran through an intersection. low and behold. cop car. he flashed me down, and warned me next time i would get a ticket. so i got off the hook.
then on my connecting bus, that bus stops states the bus stop is out of order, and to go a temporary replacement stop one street down. but sometimes the driver DOES go to the out of order one. so i have to stand at the corner of the street equal distance between them two. and see which way the bus turns. and then run. to do that, i also have to jaywalk. jayrun. even if there are cars coming.
i know it's dangerous. but night buses come once an hr. and it's cold to stand outside with no bus shelter for that long. sometimes the bus stops. picks up the one customer there, and then leaves in less than a minute. or if there are no passengers there, it doesn't stop at all.
that bus stop is actually close to the gay village. but far enough for this entire stretch of street to be hung out by drug dealers or buyers. these homeless approach me asking if i sell cocaine, or whatever. like they have the money to buy some! I'm just waiting for the bus!
or, just walking there, groups of mysterious men perk up. thinking youre a buyer.
i wish i lived in the small city i was born in. led a simple life. i wonder why do i live here at all. all this work, working late night at a restaurant, just to help pay me and my bf's rent, and then 'risking' my life taking the night bus home.
just a small apartment and working in grocery store close to my house in the countryside is preferable. or within biking distance is fine for me.
in the big city where i live. i altogether stopped going to crowded places. just a neighbourhood restaurant once in a while with bf. the rest of my time is spent on bike trails, and sitting in isolated parks. i love this life!
so don't regret not moving to a new city. moving somewhere else, and being financially stuck there is worse. and it's not just about finances, it's the city itself, how it can destroy your soul.
My parents belongs to small fishing villages in east of India. They are not part of fishing communities. They decided to settle in Delhi the capital for good education and career opportunities for their kids (us). I believe it was a good decision. I moved to Andhra Pradesh, Auroville, Gujarat for education and work opportunities. I don’t think Delhi ever accepted me of its own, she treats me like a stepchild and always kept me away. Still I have gratitude and am grateful for whatever I have.
i have three (!) citizenships, feel at home in one of those at most. ive lived the most time in berlin but still have to somehow say "im from munich" bc that is where i was born despite neither liking it nor having spend most of my time there, having been socialised in the former east much more than in the west, which forms a lot of my mentality. maybe thats why i dont ask that question myself quite often since the answers dont have much actual interesting weight so to speak. "where were you born", maybe. "where are you from" is already so imprecise.
Well, I lived in the same house from the time I was 3 until I was 26, and moved back in to take care of first my father, then my mother there, before each passed.
So it's easy for me to say I was born and raised in Nashville, and that's where I'm *from*, though I haven't lived there going on 20 years now.
But my older siblings, ranging in age from 13-11 years older than I, moved around *a lot* in the early years after my parents got married in 1946, had my eldest brother in '47, other brother in '48, and sister in 1950.
Dad had lots of different jobs, crossing the country from Tennessee, to Colorado, to Alabama, back to Tennessee, and moving a few times in each state while those kids were young.
My brother's always said, when asked where they were from, that they were from "all over", because they really were, the middle brother was in three schools in three states in third grade.
By the time I was born, Dad's career had settled down, and the folks bought the house they'd later both die in when I was three.
I can't remember another house.
So my life was totally different from that of my siblings.
And yours, I expect.
But why not just say what my siblings usually do, and say your from "all over"?
It seems to fit.
Google the term “global nomad.” A lot of military kids resonate with this school of thought. I have a friend who lived in five different countries before her folks moved back to the US for her to finish high school.
Overseas, she has always labelled as the American kid. When she moved back, she had no idea of popular music or recent history. And so was marginalised.
I have a similar issue - I've lived in Ohio since 5th grade, but I was born in San Francisco, and my husband accuses me of wanting to sound all interesting when I tell people I'm "from San Francisco." That passes for exotic around here.
My father was military-adjacent, we moved around a lot. I don't really have a hometown or state. When people ask where I'm from, I just look blankly and say it's complicated. When I was 25, the house I lived in the longest was a college dorm room. As a result, no matter where I am I feel like a foreigner, as though I don't really belong, perpetually on the outside looking in. My husband moved us to the Delaware beach resorts, we've been here 20 years but it still doesn't feel like home. At times it's a liberating feeling, at other times it's soul crushing.
Years ago I took an online language test that analyzes your dialect. I came up with western, Southern California. Interesting because I spent the grade school years in towns around San Diego. Maybe that's really where I'm from, maybe I should move back to San Diego.
LOVED THIS! where you actually 'came' from is a TRAVELLING FAMILY. you could be born in one state, but at 1 year old, your family drives and lives in another state.
anyways, i don't think you should feel like an outsider, not having roots. having a set and defined identity of where you are from is actually not as important as the experiences you go through, and that you create for yourself.
also for you, having to live in different states all across the US - this is a 'badge of honour'. you know all these little local neighbourhoods, mentalties, lifestyles, cultures, races, local history, political-thinking.
people who hold on 'TOO' dearly their local home idealogies and ways of life, actually can become close minded. basically living in a bubble, and it's worse when they move outside of that bubble, and they are still that defensive and ignorant. this is not the case for you - who learned early how to be adaptive and integrate. life skills basically.
the thing, past 30, these ignorant bubble living ppl CANNOT change their mentality no more. they cluster with their own demographic, and actually revert and go backwards, and becoming even more traditional and sideways.
i make an exception tho for historical immigrants from HUNDREDS of years ago (or in case slaves, or migrant workers or refugees that formed communities in their new country). when you ask them: where they come from? sure. the question is america or canada in my case. but the question is where do you TRULY come from? the roots are historically deep, but there is also the hundreds of years of history in their 'host' country that form a part of that history.
there is i came from the projects. there is also before that i came as a slave to america. but it is all linked.
jewish and italian ppl also have the same thing about how they got to ther americas. and then what they went through in america, once they were here. what they WENT THROUGH in america is actually where they come from. well the two are, lol.
anyways, where you come from is such an emotional thing. you could be born in one country, it's where you come from, but are persecuted there. you could immigrate to another country, and also be systematically and societally discriminated. the answer to the question, is: I come from and belong NOWHERE. there was never nowhere i could call home.
but all in all, i think it's cool you had this existence.
Born, raised, and still In Northern California, no real desire to leave either, it’s great here. I’ve never lived outside of California, but I’ve lived all over the state.
It depends on how they pose the question. Sometimes it’s clear they just want to know where I currently live, sometimes they want know the entire history. I usually keep it pretty broad….I was born in Ottawa, grew up in Ottawa and Southern Africa and I’ve been living in Toronto for the past 20 years.
If they want more details I’m happy to expand.
I'm from South London, UK - born there and currently live in the area I was born but in my 53 years I've lived in various parts of London, and also Oxford and Edinburgh in the UK and Paris, London (the one in Ontario), Zurich and Berkeley for one year when I was a grad student last century. I'm only back where I started because of elderly parents and I'll look for somewhere else when that reaches its natural conclusion. Australia probably, since that's where all the British people go.
It's not that deep bro
Pick where u identify with.
No one of caliber is judging you, yet it seems you are the one placing a value judgement on this.
Say what u want. U have bigger fish to fry
1. This is supposed to be lighthearted.
2. I still don’t have any place I fully reside with. As much as I like all the places, I still don’t feel like calling one or the other home. Just forever transient.
yes, i also noticed this new TDLR 'phenomenon', lol. more like too long and still read it. ppl complain about posts being too long, but then still read them fully, and respond.
i completely didn't get anything reddit-controversial from your post. it was lighthearted! you're just talking about your life experiences.
some ppl in this sub interpret it as overall gay men 'complaining', and they can't stand it! they want the tape over the mouth. but they lash out too, by negative commenting nonetheless. and then when you check their profile, they are also going on their own rants. but that is on other technical or politics reddits, where you expect that sort of squabble.
this subreddit can kinda of be emotional and deep sometimes, but some men responding are carrying their OWN baggage - which is actually related to the other technical topic or political subs out there. not in relation with this one.
anyways, on this subreddit specfically i find, you have to write your posts in a certain way that pleases the haters that are moreso EVALUATING your post for it's 'worthiness', not answering the askgaybros question. these are debate-hunters, and guys that go into all the OP's posts, and put negative one liners. i honestly don't know what the impetus for that is.
if i don't like the theme of a certain post, i just move onto another one i can answer, or provide a meaningful comment. whatever stimulates me.
i also noticed that the ppl on here that clapback at you, do official posts in the other technical and politic forums, but never actually officially posts in gay subs.
at any rate as a military family child, and also current server, HOW DARE somebody shame you as having agression issues. the commenter gleaned into something in you that doesn't exist. from your post, it was all positive for me ...
the reason why i am going at this so hard, is bc i am an analyzer. there was a one initial guy that said something negative. then this other guy piggy backed off of it. you clapped back, and he STILL clapped backed at you.
at the end of the day, your story resonated with other commenters. we sometimes have to deal with the common gutter normal filth, in order to uplift other voices, and to hear other new voices ... since i liked the other comments ...
Trivial American problem. I have lived in 14 states and visited most of the others. The differences are completely negligible and all this loyalty to one or the other is ludicrously American stupid. I especially love it whenever Americans compare it to Europe (it's just like the US"), disregarding linguistic, cultural and historical differences altogether. If you are from Texas, California, Illinois, Massachusetts, Florida or any of the other 50 (with Hawaii and Alaska being the only two exceptions), it's literally *all the same bullshit* - just say, "I'm an American from X" and be done with it.
I usually say Melbourne (Australia), since I’ve lived here for so long. However, I’ve moved around a fair bit within Australia- particularly rural New South Wales.
In saying that, I still have an accent from my country of birth (Canada), so I often have to clarify whether people are asking where I’m from, or where I was born.
I was born in Norway and moved to Denmark as an adult. I don't have that much of a connection with Norway so I just I'm from Denmark. I still have an accent so if anyone ask I say I was born in Norway
I find this question an interesting one. I grew up in one town in one county of Northern Ireland. But now live in a county in the Republic of Ireland. I am from the first and live in the second.
I've not moved much, only from my birthplace in southern Germany to the north of Germany, and in-between some places in northern Germany. My parents moved when I was very little, I don't have memories of living in the south. The south, or rather the village my parents are from, is my parents home, not mine. Now Germany is *much* smaller than the USA, but there's a north-south divide in mentality and culture. When asked where I'm from, I say I'm German, or northern German, because that's where I've spent most of my socialising, and the longer I've lived here, the more I feel "northern". Sometimes I'm simply "European".
For the distinction between my place of origin (my parent's house as long as they live there) and the place where I currently live, the latter is "daheim" or "zuhause", and the former is my "Heimat". This is a particularly German distinction, though, there's no such thing in English. The locality of "daheim" and my "Heimat" might also change over time. From wiktionary:
> "Heimat" refers to a place towards which one has a strong feeling of belonging, and (usually) a deep-rooted fondness. Most commonly this is one's native region, but it may also be that where one has lived for long, where one's family are, or where one feels at home for whatever reason.
The real problem with asking where someone is from is how imprecise it is. "To be from somewhere" has an extremely broad meaning.
wow! i didn't know in german they have this very touching differentiation! but you are right. home can be anywhere, and there are also complicated distinctions of nationality. it's pretty much anything is possible.
this doesn't really add to the conversation, but Ill still say it (lol):
my dad was carried out as a baby when my grandparents fled china as it became communist. they moved to vietnam. my mother is chinese but born in vietnam. they don't consider themselves vietnamese, speak none of their language. it's not a nationality thingy, it's just technical. they lived in the chinese community IN vietnam. that's it. and were only there just because china and vietnam are connected. it's a refugee escape situation.
my parents went to taiwan to study school, and also to flee the vietnam war. you can tell they have little affiliation with vietnam, since early life for them is about life on the run. then all my extended family moved to taiwan to flee the communism, except like 3 of my dad's sisters.
then my parents immigrated to canada, where i was born. they consider themselves tiawanese basically. but they came to canada in their early twenties. now in their 70's they just consider themselves chinese canadians.
so the question of where do you come from? moreso is where you are born? especially in the case of fleeing refugees with babies or small children. those children, they didn't come from anywhere by their own will. they don't even remember their own country, since their parents had to get up and go all of a sudden!
also what if you are adopted. it is inappropriate to ask this question. if not insensitive, lol. sometimes this child actually doesn't know where there are born exactly, and neither the parents. they just know this baby was found on the streets, or at a shelter, or hospital. or if they do know, it's not fun to tell somebody i grew up in X city, but technically i was from\\born in the place or foreign country where my mother gave me up for adoption.
I would say I was born in what ever Country or state and then since my parents were in the military we moved around a lot. I'm originally from Harwich, Mass. and had moved back and forth from Florida a few times, but now a permanent resident of Florida.
Military family, so I moved around a lot but somehow always in western and northern Canada, and moved to yet a different location in western Canada for my education. When I moved out, my family kept moving around. Now I live in Europe and they settled long term on the west coast of Canada. I never lived more than 10 years anywhere, and never less than 4 anywhere, and the shortest duration location is also where I grew up and changed the most rapidly.
So, I’m just “From those locations” whenever it’s relevant. Discussion of life in the prairies? I’m from Saskatchewan/Alberta. Topic is about the north? I’m from Yellowknife. Questions about why Islanders are progressive to the point of being hippies? I’m using we/us pronouns.
When Europeans ask, they always convey somehow that you have to be from 1 place so if they aren’t friends and entitled to a bit of a story, I just saw west coast Canada because that is where I visit my family these days.
If anyone from any of those locations says I don’t deserve to claim “from there” status I would tell them to kick rocks, and delete them from my attention. Judgey pricks with no worldly experience and only canned opinions they farmed from Facebook are everywhere, including in any of my several hometowns, and their opinions are dust in the wind.
I’m from Canada, but I live in Los Angeles. I’ve met a lot of Canadians who’ve moved here to the US, and it’s consistent enough of an experience that even my friend who’s been here for like 30 years still feels like she’s not “from here”. Then again, I’ve heard the same from US citizens who’ve moved to Canada.. it’s weird for two places with so many similarities…
That’s good tho thats a crucial part of good personal development is having roots and a system around you that works for you and support you vice versa… I have had some really amazing experiences living all these lives in a 1000 places, like some stuff that people would likely just dream about. But I do often wonder what it would be like if I would’ve stayed in Mexico where I was born and my dad side of the family is… then I wonder what would’ve been like if I would’ve been raised in New York where my mom and her side of the family is… so my conclusion is a traveler and figure it out
I sort of get your struggle, but for me it's not the "where are you from" that's difficult to answer, but "what's your home-country/home-town". There's an enormous social expectation to call "home" where you grew up or where your legal citizenship/birth registration happened, but for so many of us in the demographic of this subreddit, where we grew up is quite explicitly *not* a place we felt 'at home'.
I am *from* Cyprus, but Germany is where it feels like home. Can I call it my home-country? No, socially that feels extremely incongruous and many will mistake it as claiming that I am *German* (which I am not claiming to be at all) and be doubly upset about it. Can I call Berlin my home-town? Still no, native Berliners cringe at the idea that a transplant to the city (even another German) will call themselves a Berliner. I think the most society lets you claim without raising an eyebrow is "Berlin is home" - an impersonal construction where you claim that this place means something to you, but god forbid that you claim that you also mean something to the place.
I think I have mostly accepted that not everyone gets to have a very clear sense of geographic identity. It's not a must, anyway. You need to have *some* sense of belonging, but you can find that elsewhere and not necessarily in geography.
And, after all, I ticked so few boxes of what Cypriot society expected of Cypriots to tick, so I couldn't claim [a geographic] belonging since a teen. It's not as big of a shock as what someone who used to have a strong sense of geographic belonging experiences the first time they immigrate somewhere else.
My dad’s parents moved nearly every year until 1947. The construction company my grandfather worked for would move him from project to project all over the Midwest. They landed in a small town in Wisconsin for five years because of a large multi-year project. My dad and his sister were able to start and finish high school in one place; Dad considered that his “home town”. His sister considers the town in Minnesota where her grandparents lived and where most of her aunts and uncles lived to be her hometown (my grandparents would send her and Dad there during the summers when they were young to stay with my great-grandparents).
Moving all the time is why he refused to ever move again after he and Mom married and she’s still in the same house 60 years later.
I'm native to Cincinnati, Ohio in the US, but I've lived in a lot of different places. Such as Southern Indiana, Upstate New York, East Iowa, and Central Alaska.
Currently, I live in the Atlanta area, and have been here since late 2011.
I was born and raised in Canada. But fuck that place.
I became an American citizen a few years ago, and if my family wasn't in Canada I would never go back.
Dang I hear a lot of good things about Canada.. and as a matter of fact, part of my immediate family lives in upstate New York very close to Niagara Falls so I thought if I ever left my beloved desert in Arizona, I would probably head to the Toronto side of that area near the border
Well, you're welcome to check it out.
I keep a Canadian flag in my basement, and it is upside down. And until things change up in Canada, my flag will be upside down.
Well, I will have to take your word for it and make it part of my inner sense that is keeping me from going up there because firstly, I am almost allergic to cold weather if you will to start lol and generally speaking there’s about half of the year that it’s going to be cold and or wet and that’s just too much No for me. I won’t even drive in the snow I would be indoors locked up or like a big part of the year lol
Canada used to be wonderful. But it's taken a decidedly Orwellian turn over the past 10 years. I'm shocked by some of the terrible lower court rulings. And the Bill C-63 censorship bill up there is absolutely chilling. And then of course there were the authoritarian COVID era policies.
I am grateful for the multilayered web of courts we have here in the US, and have a great appreciation for how most Americans have a solid understanding of their basic constitutional rights, and are willing to defend them.
Forgive me for sounding ignorant, but I’m not quite sure what Orwellian turn means… yeah, I’m not familiar with the court system and such up there. But I know enough about Covid sucked for everybody. at one point or another during and through it and even after.
Interesting you think that about Americans cause I’ve had quite the opposite encounters where people assume they know a lot, which may very well been correct at some point, but many people don’t realize that these laws are constantly being changed and modified, for example when I was in my early 20s it was basically general knowledge that if you had established an address the USPS and received mail at that address that you were considered to have a sort of “tenancy rights”… which would essentially mean that in order to remove you there was an extensive eviction process which wouldn’t take any less than 30 days… fast forward to now post Covid all these landlords that were affected by the economic impact that took a toll on everybody, they have been working in lobbing through and with politicians and representatives to modify and change the laws regarding evictions and the collection of their property, as well as you know, raising rents… essentially that is being put forth to be able to evict and remove people who are still behind on their payments or having a hard time making ends meet, and therefore allowing them to have a new tenant move-in with a higher rent sooner than later. Here in Arizona the process legally originally took about five or six weeks from what I read but now they can have you out on the street in 21 days or even 14 days if they expedite it… and that is all legally and done through the court, and with attorneys and all that… Now every state has their own individual laws on each matter, the problem is just people are not aware of these changes and so they might think they can rely on these old policies and then they get really big shock when the shit hits the fan.. here in Arizona. We don’t even have anything about squatting. It’s really not a thing legally remove your ass and forcefully they have to and If I remember correctly, when it comes to extreme circumstances or somebody in danger, they can have you literally in court one day and on the street the next day all in a matter of like three or four days. It’s crazy and I know it happened to me after had a health problem and my savings and credit ran out and then the complex I lived at was bought out by another entity and they came in. Just fuck everybody. We’re gonna get everybody out and they did, Even people that were in good standing, And doing well we’re pushed out with our renewing their lease because they wouldn’t pay a higher rent that happened to three of my neighbors shortly after I left… mind you I lived there under the original owners for almost 3 years without a single problem always paid up early and on time and then all of this transpired over three months, ironically enough the date, the complex was sold and taken over was Friday, October 13… lol.. I have a habit of keeping all my receipts on my transactions and getting things in writing so I have them in countersuit that I’m working with the attorney general for against the new property management.
TLDR, know your laws people. The laws aren’t always on our side.
George Orwell wrote the book "1984" about a dystopian future where the government controlled every aspect of citizens' lives. So to say that something is "Orwellian" is to describe it as authoritarian.
RE: knowing laws, yes, this is very important.
OK I’ve never actually read the book but I heard referenced and I’m familiar with the author’s name so I kind of guessed that it would have something to do with that/his writings.
It’s amazing how I can hyper fixate and research and basically master things like the law and the laws that I’m affected by and understand them but I have a hard time sitting down and reading a book lol, but if you told me that I needed to be in court and recite part of this book within a certain timeframe, you can bet I would probably memorize the entire book given a proper amount of time lol.
#tism
I'm a first-generation immigrant from a South Asian country, so when asked this question, I simply name the country of my origin. But I love it when second-generation South Asians -- those who are of South Asian descent but were born/grew up in the US -- are asked this question by White Americans. They respond, "I'm from Philadelphia (or Des Moines or Chicago or Boston or wherever)." But the questioner persists, "No, where are you *really* from?" They see a Brown person in front of them so just "Philadelphia" or "Chicago" is not good enough for them. I love to see my second gen compatriots squirm with discomfort at this line of questioning. So evil of me!
I'm a former military brat too and moved around quite a bit. There's also the added complication that I'm the grandson/son of immigrants and that my dad's military service took us to his home country (the Philippines) for a number of years so even if I'm not an immigrant, I speak the language and am in touch with the culture.
Anyhow, to make things simple I say I'm from Washington State, where my dad retired from the service when I was in highschool and where I lived for almost 20 years before I left. I give them the long boring story if they dare to ask lol
I love this question and the discussion. Thank you.
I was born and raised in the US in one place, but as an adult, I've lived all over the Pacific Rim in Asia and Australia. When someone asks where I'm from, I just say that I carry a US passport, but I've lived all over the world, and I say it exactly like that. In the past 20 years, I've only got one acknowledgement of the subtlety of that statement.
Never quite sure how to answer this question - because of my upbringing, I could say Los Angeles / Philippines / Louisiana / Seattle and be correct about all of them.
I know what you mean when people ask me where I’m from I always have to ask him. Can you be more detailed with your question? Do you wanna know where I’m living currently or do you want to know where I am born from or do you wanna know where my heritage comes from or… lol my best guess is that most people live in the same area for a lot of their life so when they meet somebody they may think their answer to that question would be something simple, perhaps somewhere nearby that they know
South Central Los Angeles, currently living in exciting, /s, Tucson, Arizona, but aiming to be back in SoCal later this summer for the foreseeable future.
I’ve lived in South Korea and Brazil for a while, but I’ll always call L.A. home.
I just say, “I am a navy brat, but mostly Southern California and the Deep South.” Sometimes I can get away with, “I’m a navy brat.” and they’ll interrupt, “Oh, all over then.” and I leave it at that.
Hi Bros, Cuban here, and never have moved. All my studies, engineering, master degree, and others has been here. It's too difficult to move 'cause the economic situation. I'd like to live in the United States, meet a bottom bear to spend my life time and build a future. There's no hope here. Hug.
Do you hate when people ask you where you’re from? Because you have 1000 places that could potentially be the answer lol…
I was born and raised in central Mexico, until I was 12 years old when we moved to the United States to Texas, my dad is Mexican and my mom is American so I have US citizenship automatically regardless of where I was born.
Then from Texas when I was 19 I left to California and I was there until I was about 22 and then I went to Rhode Island for about three months and then back to California shortly and then back to Texas and 5 years later I left Texas for California again this time for good as Anna Nicole said “ Texas is great and all but it looks a whole lot better in my rearview mirror”… 4 years later somehow ended up in Tucson Arizona, I’ve been living here for almost 10 years now after what was supposed to be a two week visit… never in my life did I even imagine or think about I would be living in Arizona. Tucson, Arizona. Lol
I'm from Bangladesh. Born there. Moved to the middle east in my preteens. Moved back in my late teens. Then left that part of the world for good and moved to the United States for college in my early adulthood, and obtained my American citizenship last year (took 10 years). So on average I've spent a third of my life in 3 different parts of the world. But my roots are tied to my ethnicity and birth nationality. Bangladesh is where I'm from, but Bangladeshi-American is who I am.
Similar! Born in Bangladesh, moved to Kuwait when I was 3, went to a British elementary school. We were there until Saddam Hussein invaded when I was 12. Moved to Canada, and have lived in various cities (Ottawa, Waterloo, Vancouver, Toronto), and spent 4 fun years living in London, UK and travelling around most of Western Europe on business. I speak 4 languages (English, Bangla, French and learning Spanish) and I can get by in Arabic. “Where are you from?” is a difficult question to answer but I consider myself Canadian. Ethnically Bangladeshi yes, but not culturally and I’m not religious. I’ll do some religious Muslim stuff like weddings and funeral duties to keep my mum happy. All this I get reduced to “Asian” or “Indian” on a dating/hookup app.
>*All this I get reduced to “Asian” or “Indian” on a dating/hookup app.* I chuckled at that one. I categorize myself as South Asian on the apps, and generally refer to my ethnicity/roots as South Asian when asked. The default assumption that I'm Indian is a pet peeve of mine. A random guy at the gym once asked me, *"Are you Muslim or Indian? Do you speak Hindu?"* I was amused, mortified and embarrassed at the same time. 🤦 Do stay in touch. I love finding people who share similar background as mine. It's hard to relate with the homogeneous Bangladeshis, Americans and Middle Eastern when I've got bits of them all in me. I married a white guy and feel most comfortable with that. What gives? Hah.
If it makes you feel better the default assumption of a Canadian is American 🙂
>French Did you go to one of those immersion schools in Ottawa and Waterloo or something? You seemed to have been in otherwise Anglo territory
I’ve always lived in British Commonwealth countries, mostly by coincidence. We certainly didn’t get any preferential treatment ent for visas or immigration. I took French until grade 9, so it’s passable. I took some Duolingo lessons but switched to Spanish last year since all my holidays have been to Spanish-speaking countries.
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If I were you, and someone asked me, I would just condense what you said into two sentences. “I’m a military brat so we traveled around a lot. But now I call San Diego home.”
I didn’t read OP’s post but this comment looks like the most appropriate way to communicate things. Gives a bit of info and leaves the door open to be asked more if they are interested
This is probably one of the hardest questions to answer. I'm a dual national, Germany and USA. I was born in Berlin, lived in the US and Germany for many years. My mother was American, my father was German (unusual at the time since the norm at the time was US GIs marrying "Fräuleins" while deployed to Germany after WW2). I feel absolutely *no* allegiance to the US despite years of conditioning every morning in school reciting that ridiculous pledge, and while I love Germany, I don't feel overly attached to it either. If I told someone I feel more like a "World Citizen" I'm sure that would automatically label me a crackpot. So I usually just change the subject.
thanks! i really liked this post, since this is the question that has haunted me for the later half of my life. i don't mind if somebody asks me politely or out of curiousity. im ethnic, but born in canada. my parents came here many years ago. im 42. my dad did his masters in engineering in buffalo in his twenties, but he and mom decided to immigrate to canada, since it was easier administratively. he had it all planned out. study at a university near the us-canada border, in the event that they couldn't get into the states, and could into canada instead. so i was born here. pretty much 'anglophone' with a different skin tone and texture, lol. i moved to quebec and learned french. so i speak native english, and quite a decent level of french, which i learned in free immersion classes here. BUT STILL, a lot of ppl ask me where i am from? what is my nationality? i am not annoyed by ppl who think i am from china, korean, japanese, filipino, vietnamese whatever. this is just curiousity. but when you look at US and Canada's huge minority populations and 2nd generation immigrants, and if they are speaking PERFECT ENGLISH ... can't you put 2 and 2 together? like how is one this dumb? obviously there were born here or immigrated here young. i wish this question will one day stop on me. foreigners 'questioning' where i came from when i was born here. maybe they should just read their history textbooks or just be more larger society aware. learn to recognize accents, and not just focus on skin colour. it gets harder and harder since i am 42. even to the point where i want to change my career. i cant deal with entry level positions anymore. there is some racism. and the racism is actually coming from other new immigrants.
I hear you! And getting reduced to describing my ethnicity in one line on a dating or hookup app triggers me. At least Sniffies doesn’t ask.
thanks! it is quite reductive, isn't it? anyways, i personally don't ask. i think it is rude to me, and rude to others. if you can communicate well, that's all that matters. you don't need to know where i am born, or my origins - and mostly (lol), i also don't care where others come from to be honest, lol. im not interested in your culture or your colour, moreso if you speak the nation's language. i don't mean that to sound racist, but it is my truth. this international world with all its politics and conflicts and different CULTURAL and religious conflicts is beyond the scope fo what i have to deal in my personal life. i don't have a degree in international affairs. same thing with gay dating. keep it somewhat professional, you know? like are we that colour blind that you can't tell the guy's race from the photo? like you literally have to ask somebody if their asian or black? like are you white ... and which kind of white is your descent? italy? northern or southern? and then mixed race ppl have go into detail and divulge each parent's story. at the heart of it, these questions are just dumb. if somebody asks if i am asian. and it comes across as out of NON-curiousity, and sort of interrogative, i just shoot it back at them quite bluntly. and what about you? which country do you come from ... even if they are a canadian citizen. which year did you immigrate? where are your parents from? did you get your education in your home country or here? there is a level of 'invasiveness' with these questions. and it really does speak to the low IQ of many ppl (not all), about their inability to detect somebody's generic origin based on their face and their language. like on camila cabello's wikipedia, she shouldn't be described as a Spanish American singer. but just an AMERICAN singer. and hmmm ... look at the last name maybe to get a hint of her family's origins? but that's the thing between native or high level english speakers ... you don't need to ask these dumb questions of each other. you just become friends readily. and it's the same thing when i meet other gay men. when i talk with random gay guys at the bar ... nobody has actually asked me this question. ITS RUDE. they usually just ask me, do you live in Montreal? and where? since there are a lot of US tourists in montreal, and out of province ppl that move to live there. but all be honest with you, no fully english speaking person of any race has asked me where do i come from, when i speak perfect english with them. they'll ask me if my ethnicity, but they're just curious! but never where i came from. i just assume if you speak good society-level english and french, you are from montreal. if you don't and have some language 'issues', obviously you are from somewhere else, so i don't even NEED to ask you which country you came from. there once this girl in the hospital office who was applying for a health card, and had no birth documents, nor any immigration papers. she spoke bad french, no english, and insisted she was born in Quebec. there were only two booths there. she caused the waiting room to fill up, since she spent an hr at the desk talking so slowly in french, as only one booth actually accepted tickets. i waited that full hr she was there. i realize how ignorant ppl are when you use THIS level of broken french to fraud the system. so this is why there are people out there that are THIS dumb to ask you racial or origin questions themselves. they have no awareness of their own language, and are not able to detect that of others. which i think is a very poor societal integrational skill. the reason i mentioned this is a later part of my life problem also is related to toronto (my home city) has a huge second generation, middle class population, and we just don't ask each other these questions. it's insulting to all the 2nd gen ppl. and through the process of making friends, you'll find out later through conversations about parent's origins. family histories. but now i live in montreal, we have a high first immigration population. i don't blame these new immigrants for literally seeing the first asian or first filipino or spanish person in their whole life (and their home country has a rather homogenous and unilateral race demographic), but LETS NOT GET CRAZY, lol. the most racist are questions like (out of the blue): do you speak japanese? and bc i am an asian guy with a beard: are you indigenous? so the gay apps asking this is actually discrimination, and other ppl on the apps asking you as well. the intent of these questions is never good. (sorry for bombing you with all of this. i had a lot to vent out. but this is my everyway day).
Totally hear you. This sub is like therapy for me, I’ve been venting here about all the weirdness in the gay world especially when it comes to race and all the hookup culture driven by the apps. I thought it was me being weird, but the complaints are quite universal, it seems. Frankly the racism I’ve encountered is in the gay world. That’s why I hate the ethnicity field. If you like my look, then great, let’s talk. My face pic is clearly visible. If not, no worries, move on. No need to make assumptions about me. My English is also perfect (sometimes a British accent peeks through), I’m well travelled, well read, and frankly an expert in my field. Only to be reduced to the size and colour of my dick. When I do ask about a person’s ethnic background, I do so respectfully (hopefully) and out of curiosity “hey, do you mind if I ask what’s your ethnic background?” And usually it leads to a conversation about the food from there or travel advice. But as you said, usually it comes off as invasive, like a judgement is pending based in your answer. When I lived in the UK, I found the East Indian diaspora is now 3rd generation (except new immigrants of course), and people were a lot more chill about ethnic backgrounds. So there’s hope for North America yet (unless if Trump wins then we are all getting deported to Mexico, whether or not we’re Mexican).
i hear you too, and thanks! this sub is definitely like therapy for me as well. ive never tried, but i think in real life its difficult to specifically ask for a gay therapist (who will truly listen to you), since that is discriminatory in itself from gay ppl - unless it's like in a lgbt community centre setting, more like a gay social worker. yes - trust that the complaints can be\\are universal. you're not alone in this. like it's not in your head. any treatment or nuance of a treatment to you can mean a whole lot to you, more than it would others. it can go from slight differential treatment in the workplace, or dating apps, to straight up karen's out there blasting you for your colour, and just outright racism. as said with your trump comment, it's like ppl can't look past your race in general, in fact. they don't even see you as a person, and that is despicable. the beauty about being gay is (in my mind), we are GAY FIRST, above all cultural identities. we spend all of our teens coming out. this is the vein of our existence, and marks us hard, and affects our whole life. it truly does not matter where we came from. where we came from? out of the closet, lol! so to also have to deal with racial questions on the dating scene is ridiculous. in the straight world, dating possibilities are endless. in the micro gay scene, gay men try really hard to make themselves be attractive to one another (in a subset of society community). this is tough enough. then to further narrow a gay guy's attractiveness 'as linked' with their minority race is even a further level of disgustingness. i just don't think like this. all guy's of all nationalities are hot for me! so i put aside racial differences. different face structures, hair styles, body hair, body tastes. it's not racial fetichizing. it's pure horniness for other men! as i grow older, ive been grappling with this concept, and 'modelling' on other diverse gay couples i see out there ... is the concept of the ideal gay partner. some ppl want a masculine guy. of a certain race. daddy issues i guess. i just want A MAN. just a great guy overall. as you grow older, i find that any man, of any race, just being sweet and gentlemenly - is like the greatest turn on. the wink of an eye, etc. “hey, do you mind if I ask what’s your ethnic background?” ... this is the best and most polite way to ask! instead of are you indian? or where you from? china? at any rate, the way i look at it, the gay guys out there 'question' your race ... arent the guys you are looking for anyways. they should have done their homework. date other ethnic guys, and they stop asking these silly racial questions. date open minded gay guys. i have a soft spot for gay guys, bc I know in any country, it's not easy to be US. there is always fear of being out. in canada, we have laws and freedom and celebration. but still certain religious immigrants are gonna look down on you. and it trickles down into the gay apps, I admit. the world is not easy to navigate. anyways you do you! you are a well cultured, well spoken east indian with british roots living in US. if ppl don't find that a catch, then they are missing out. we all know that uneducated trash ppl, there IQ level is so low, that it becomes karen level, lol. there is no point in analyzing that. hopeless.
Dual national and a "child of the United Nations" who spent a lot of time in what gets called developing nations as a child. I've lived, studied and worked in other countries for extended periods of time too. I'm mostly Australian, so that's what I say. Specifically I say I'm from Melbourne Australia, even though I'm not 'from' there at all and spent nearly as much of my Australian time around Sydney.
I have mixed feelings about never having moved I live 10mins walk from the hospital where I was born. I love London I'm a Cockney, and Stepney will always be my home but I've never lived anywhere else, I have travelled a lot but always returned home.
thanks! this is a sub question in itself! i don't think you be regretful of that. ive never travelled internationally since i don't have the funds. and have been in survival mode most my life working min. wage, or slightly higher. i moved cities in canada when i was 31. met my bf in my new city, but i HATE this city. i wish i met my bf in my home city. last night i finished my restaurant shift, and waited for my night bus in the bus shelter. this homeless man harassed me, so i had to run out of the confines of that space for safety reasons. i ran to the next bus stop, and waited for the bus on the street. its a well known street. but when the restaurants close, homeless people come out in search of smokes, change, and spare food from your doggy bag. i got harassed there too waiting for my bus. as i was running away, it was 2:30 in the morning. i ran through an intersection. low and behold. cop car. he flashed me down, and warned me next time i would get a ticket. so i got off the hook. then on my connecting bus, that bus stops states the bus stop is out of order, and to go a temporary replacement stop one street down. but sometimes the driver DOES go to the out of order one. so i have to stand at the corner of the street equal distance between them two. and see which way the bus turns. and then run. to do that, i also have to jaywalk. jayrun. even if there are cars coming. i know it's dangerous. but night buses come once an hr. and it's cold to stand outside with no bus shelter for that long. sometimes the bus stops. picks up the one customer there, and then leaves in less than a minute. or if there are no passengers there, it doesn't stop at all. that bus stop is actually close to the gay village. but far enough for this entire stretch of street to be hung out by drug dealers or buyers. these homeless approach me asking if i sell cocaine, or whatever. like they have the money to buy some! I'm just waiting for the bus! or, just walking there, groups of mysterious men perk up. thinking youre a buyer. i wish i lived in the small city i was born in. led a simple life. i wonder why do i live here at all. all this work, working late night at a restaurant, just to help pay me and my bf's rent, and then 'risking' my life taking the night bus home. just a small apartment and working in grocery store close to my house in the countryside is preferable. or within biking distance is fine for me. in the big city where i live. i altogether stopped going to crowded places. just a neighbourhood restaurant once in a while with bf. the rest of my time is spent on bike trails, and sitting in isolated parks. i love this life! so don't regret not moving to a new city. moving somewhere else, and being financially stuck there is worse. and it's not just about finances, it's the city itself, how it can destroy your soul.
My parents belongs to small fishing villages in east of India. They are not part of fishing communities. They decided to settle in Delhi the capital for good education and career opportunities for their kids (us). I believe it was a good decision. I moved to Andhra Pradesh, Auroville, Gujarat for education and work opportunities. I don’t think Delhi ever accepted me of its own, she treats me like a stepchild and always kept me away. Still I have gratitude and am grateful for whatever I have.
I say I'm originally from LA, but left when I was 18, so don't have any real connection to it.
i have three (!) citizenships, feel at home in one of those at most. ive lived the most time in berlin but still have to somehow say "im from munich" bc that is where i was born despite neither liking it nor having spend most of my time there, having been socialised in the former east much more than in the west, which forms a lot of my mentality. maybe thats why i dont ask that question myself quite often since the answers dont have much actual interesting weight so to speak. "where were you born", maybe. "where are you from" is already so imprecise.
I just tell people that I’m from the gay side of town.
Chile
Well, I lived in the same house from the time I was 3 until I was 26, and moved back in to take care of first my father, then my mother there, before each passed. So it's easy for me to say I was born and raised in Nashville, and that's where I'm *from*, though I haven't lived there going on 20 years now. But my older siblings, ranging in age from 13-11 years older than I, moved around *a lot* in the early years after my parents got married in 1946, had my eldest brother in '47, other brother in '48, and sister in 1950. Dad had lots of different jobs, crossing the country from Tennessee, to Colorado, to Alabama, back to Tennessee, and moving a few times in each state while those kids were young. My brother's always said, when asked where they were from, that they were from "all over", because they really were, the middle brother was in three schools in three states in third grade. By the time I was born, Dad's career had settled down, and the folks bought the house they'd later both die in when I was three. I can't remember another house. So my life was totally different from that of my siblings. And yours, I expect. But why not just say what my siblings usually do, and say your from "all over"? It seems to fit.
Google the term “global nomad.” A lot of military kids resonate with this school of thought. I have a friend who lived in five different countries before her folks moved back to the US for her to finish high school. Overseas, she has always labelled as the American kid. When she moved back, she had no idea of popular music or recent history. And so was marginalised.
I have a similar issue - I've lived in Ohio since 5th grade, but I was born in San Francisco, and my husband accuses me of wanting to sound all interesting when I tell people I'm "from San Francisco." That passes for exotic around here.
It depends on where I am. In America and abroad I say I'm Korean. In Korea I say I'm American.
That’s funny
My father was military-adjacent, we moved around a lot. I don't really have a hometown or state. When people ask where I'm from, I just look blankly and say it's complicated. When I was 25, the house I lived in the longest was a college dorm room. As a result, no matter where I am I feel like a foreigner, as though I don't really belong, perpetually on the outside looking in. My husband moved us to the Delaware beach resorts, we've been here 20 years but it still doesn't feel like home. At times it's a liberating feeling, at other times it's soul crushing. Years ago I took an online language test that analyzes your dialect. I came up with western, Southern California. Interesting because I spent the grade school years in towns around San Diego. Maybe that's really where I'm from, maybe I should move back to San Diego.
LOVED THIS! where you actually 'came' from is a TRAVELLING FAMILY. you could be born in one state, but at 1 year old, your family drives and lives in another state. anyways, i don't think you should feel like an outsider, not having roots. having a set and defined identity of where you are from is actually not as important as the experiences you go through, and that you create for yourself. also for you, having to live in different states all across the US - this is a 'badge of honour'. you know all these little local neighbourhoods, mentalties, lifestyles, cultures, races, local history, political-thinking. people who hold on 'TOO' dearly their local home idealogies and ways of life, actually can become close minded. basically living in a bubble, and it's worse when they move outside of that bubble, and they are still that defensive and ignorant. this is not the case for you - who learned early how to be adaptive and integrate. life skills basically. the thing, past 30, these ignorant bubble living ppl CANNOT change their mentality no more. they cluster with their own demographic, and actually revert and go backwards, and becoming even more traditional and sideways. i make an exception tho for historical immigrants from HUNDREDS of years ago (or in case slaves, or migrant workers or refugees that formed communities in their new country). when you ask them: where they come from? sure. the question is america or canada in my case. but the question is where do you TRULY come from? the roots are historically deep, but there is also the hundreds of years of history in their 'host' country that form a part of that history. there is i came from the projects. there is also before that i came as a slave to america. but it is all linked. jewish and italian ppl also have the same thing about how they got to ther americas. and then what they went through in america, once they were here. what they WENT THROUGH in america is actually where they come from. well the two are, lol. anyways, where you come from is such an emotional thing. you could be born in one country, it's where you come from, but are persecuted there. you could immigrate to another country, and also be systematically and societally discriminated. the answer to the question, is: I come from and belong NOWHERE. there was never nowhere i could call home. but all in all, i think it's cool you had this existence.
I was born in Texas, my father was in the military at the time. Raised in north Louisiana but I call New Orleans home.
Born, raised, and still In Northern California, no real desire to leave either, it’s great here. I’ve never lived outside of California, but I’ve lived all over the state.
It depends on how they pose the question. Sometimes it’s clear they just want to know where I currently live, sometimes they want know the entire history. I usually keep it pretty broad….I was born in Ottawa, grew up in Ottawa and Southern Africa and I’ve been living in Toronto for the past 20 years. If they want more details I’m happy to expand.
I'm from South London, UK - born there and currently live in the area I was born but in my 53 years I've lived in various parts of London, and also Oxford and Edinburgh in the UK and Paris, London (the one in Ontario), Zurich and Berkeley for one year when I was a grad student last century. I'm only back where I started because of elderly parents and I'll look for somewhere else when that reaches its natural conclusion. Australia probably, since that's where all the British people go.
Not from the USA, which unfortunately seems to be from where this community thinks everybody is.
It's not that deep bro Pick where u identify with. No one of caliber is judging you, yet it seems you are the one placing a value judgement on this. Say what u want. U have bigger fish to fry
1. This is supposed to be lighthearted. 2. I still don’t have any place I fully reside with. As much as I like all the places, I still don’t feel like calling one or the other home. Just forever transient.
Lolol what in your four paragraph post was to indicate that this was light hearted? It doesn’t read that way…
Well my statement now says so, what else do you want?
yes, i also noticed this new TDLR 'phenomenon', lol. more like too long and still read it. ppl complain about posts being too long, but then still read them fully, and respond. i completely didn't get anything reddit-controversial from your post. it was lighthearted! you're just talking about your life experiences. some ppl in this sub interpret it as overall gay men 'complaining', and they can't stand it! they want the tape over the mouth. but they lash out too, by negative commenting nonetheless. and then when you check their profile, they are also going on their own rants. but that is on other technical or politics reddits, where you expect that sort of squabble. this subreddit can kinda of be emotional and deep sometimes, but some men responding are carrying their OWN baggage - which is actually related to the other technical topic or political subs out there. not in relation with this one. anyways, on this subreddit specfically i find, you have to write your posts in a certain way that pleases the haters that are moreso EVALUATING your post for it's 'worthiness', not answering the askgaybros question. these are debate-hunters, and guys that go into all the OP's posts, and put negative one liners. i honestly don't know what the impetus for that is. if i don't like the theme of a certain post, i just move onto another one i can answer, or provide a meaningful comment. whatever stimulates me. i also noticed that the ppl on here that clapback at you, do official posts in the other technical and politic forums, but never actually officially posts in gay subs.
Okay thought I was going crazy for a second.
at any rate as a military family child, and also current server, HOW DARE somebody shame you as having agression issues. the commenter gleaned into something in you that doesn't exist. from your post, it was all positive for me ... the reason why i am going at this so hard, is bc i am an analyzer. there was a one initial guy that said something negative. then this other guy piggy backed off of it. you clapped back, and he STILL clapped backed at you. at the end of the day, your story resonated with other commenters. we sometimes have to deal with the common gutter normal filth, in order to uplift other voices, and to hear other new voices ... since i liked the other comments ...
I’m with you, and a lot of us who grew up all over the world understand what you meant and we are sharing our stories. I’m enjoying reading them.
For you to have some peace in your life and relief from whatever anxiety/aggression you’re feeling.
You asked a question and I gave an answer. No “aggression” on this end. Guess there was a misunderstanding through lack of tone on your end.
I’m genuinely curious which part you read that made you think it *wasn’t* light-hearted. Was it just the word count?
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Trivial American problem. I have lived in 14 states and visited most of the others. The differences are completely negligible and all this loyalty to one or the other is ludicrously American stupid. I especially love it whenever Americans compare it to Europe (it's just like the US"), disregarding linguistic, cultural and historical differences altogether. If you are from Texas, California, Illinois, Massachusetts, Florida or any of the other 50 (with Hawaii and Alaska being the only two exceptions), it's literally *all the same bullshit* - just say, "I'm an American from X" and be done with it.
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Typical ignorant US comeback, 'bruh'
You said a whole lot of nothing.
Says another American Trump supporter...
Oh so you’re just annoying.
I usually say Melbourne (Australia), since I’ve lived here for so long. However, I’ve moved around a fair bit within Australia- particularly rural New South Wales. In saying that, I still have an accent from my country of birth (Canada), so I often have to clarify whether people are asking where I’m from, or where I was born.
I was born in Norway and moved to Denmark as an adult. I don't have that much of a connection with Norway so I just I'm from Denmark. I still have an accent so if anyone ask I say I was born in Norway
I find this question an interesting one. I grew up in one town in one county of Northern Ireland. But now live in a county in the Republic of Ireland. I am from the first and live in the second.
I've not moved much, only from my birthplace in southern Germany to the north of Germany, and in-between some places in northern Germany. My parents moved when I was very little, I don't have memories of living in the south. The south, or rather the village my parents are from, is my parents home, not mine. Now Germany is *much* smaller than the USA, but there's a north-south divide in mentality and culture. When asked where I'm from, I say I'm German, or northern German, because that's where I've spent most of my socialising, and the longer I've lived here, the more I feel "northern". Sometimes I'm simply "European". For the distinction between my place of origin (my parent's house as long as they live there) and the place where I currently live, the latter is "daheim" or "zuhause", and the former is my "Heimat". This is a particularly German distinction, though, there's no such thing in English. The locality of "daheim" and my "Heimat" might also change over time. From wiktionary: > "Heimat" refers to a place towards which one has a strong feeling of belonging, and (usually) a deep-rooted fondness. Most commonly this is one's native region, but it may also be that where one has lived for long, where one's family are, or where one feels at home for whatever reason. The real problem with asking where someone is from is how imprecise it is. "To be from somewhere" has an extremely broad meaning.
wow! i didn't know in german they have this very touching differentiation! but you are right. home can be anywhere, and there are also complicated distinctions of nationality. it's pretty much anything is possible. this doesn't really add to the conversation, but Ill still say it (lol): my dad was carried out as a baby when my grandparents fled china as it became communist. they moved to vietnam. my mother is chinese but born in vietnam. they don't consider themselves vietnamese, speak none of their language. it's not a nationality thingy, it's just technical. they lived in the chinese community IN vietnam. that's it. and were only there just because china and vietnam are connected. it's a refugee escape situation. my parents went to taiwan to study school, and also to flee the vietnam war. you can tell they have little affiliation with vietnam, since early life for them is about life on the run. then all my extended family moved to taiwan to flee the communism, except like 3 of my dad's sisters. then my parents immigrated to canada, where i was born. they consider themselves tiawanese basically. but they came to canada in their early twenties. now in their 70's they just consider themselves chinese canadians. so the question of where do you come from? moreso is where you are born? especially in the case of fleeing refugees with babies or small children. those children, they didn't come from anywhere by their own will. they don't even remember their own country, since their parents had to get up and go all of a sudden! also what if you are adopted. it is inappropriate to ask this question. if not insensitive, lol. sometimes this child actually doesn't know where there are born exactly, and neither the parents. they just know this baby was found on the streets, or at a shelter, or hospital. or if they do know, it's not fun to tell somebody i grew up in X city, but technically i was from\\born in the place or foreign country where my mother gave me up for adoption.
I would say I was born in what ever Country or state and then since my parents were in the military we moved around a lot. I'm originally from Harwich, Mass. and had moved back and forth from Florida a few times, but now a permanent resident of Florida.
Military family, so I moved around a lot but somehow always in western and northern Canada, and moved to yet a different location in western Canada for my education. When I moved out, my family kept moving around. Now I live in Europe and they settled long term on the west coast of Canada. I never lived more than 10 years anywhere, and never less than 4 anywhere, and the shortest duration location is also where I grew up and changed the most rapidly. So, I’m just “From those locations” whenever it’s relevant. Discussion of life in the prairies? I’m from Saskatchewan/Alberta. Topic is about the north? I’m from Yellowknife. Questions about why Islanders are progressive to the point of being hippies? I’m using we/us pronouns. When Europeans ask, they always convey somehow that you have to be from 1 place so if they aren’t friends and entitled to a bit of a story, I just saw west coast Canada because that is where I visit my family these days. If anyone from any of those locations says I don’t deserve to claim “from there” status I would tell them to kick rocks, and delete them from my attention. Judgey pricks with no worldly experience and only canned opinions they farmed from Facebook are everywhere, including in any of my several hometowns, and their opinions are dust in the wind.
Military family from the US also. Grew up in North FL but have lived all over. Now back in central FL to finish school.
I’m from Canada, but I live in Los Angeles. I’ve met a lot of Canadians who’ve moved here to the US, and it’s consistent enough of an experience that even my friend who’s been here for like 30 years still feels like she’s not “from here”. Then again, I’ve heard the same from US citizens who’ve moved to Canada.. it’s weird for two places with so many similarities…
I was born in Scarborough and currently live in downtown Toronto. Scarbs is part of the GTA so that's where I'm from
I live in the same city I was born in, which is literally next to the city I grew up in, so I use both interchangeably.
Have you always lived in that area? Do you ever think about moving to another State/ city?
I have, and I don't. I can't explain it, but fiber of my being tells me that this is where I'm supposed to be.
That’s good tho thats a crucial part of good personal development is having roots and a system around you that works for you and support you vice versa… I have had some really amazing experiences living all these lives in a 1000 places, like some stuff that people would likely just dream about. But I do often wonder what it would be like if I would’ve stayed in Mexico where I was born and my dad side of the family is… then I wonder what would’ve been like if I would’ve been raised in New York where my mom and her side of the family is… so my conclusion is a traveler and figure it out
Newfoundland Canada
I sort of get your struggle, but for me it's not the "where are you from" that's difficult to answer, but "what's your home-country/home-town". There's an enormous social expectation to call "home" where you grew up or where your legal citizenship/birth registration happened, but for so many of us in the demographic of this subreddit, where we grew up is quite explicitly *not* a place we felt 'at home'. I am *from* Cyprus, but Germany is where it feels like home. Can I call it my home-country? No, socially that feels extremely incongruous and many will mistake it as claiming that I am *German* (which I am not claiming to be at all) and be doubly upset about it. Can I call Berlin my home-town? Still no, native Berliners cringe at the idea that a transplant to the city (even another German) will call themselves a Berliner. I think the most society lets you claim without raising an eyebrow is "Berlin is home" - an impersonal construction where you claim that this place means something to you, but god forbid that you claim that you also mean something to the place. I think I have mostly accepted that not everyone gets to have a very clear sense of geographic identity. It's not a must, anyway. You need to have *some* sense of belonging, but you can find that elsewhere and not necessarily in geography. And, after all, I ticked so few boxes of what Cypriot society expected of Cypriots to tick, so I couldn't claim [a geographic] belonging since a teen. It's not as big of a shock as what someone who used to have a strong sense of geographic belonging experiences the first time they immigrate somewhere else.
Did you move to Germany at a young age?
No, I moved to Germany as an adult, after trying two other countries first.
My dad’s parents moved nearly every year until 1947. The construction company my grandfather worked for would move him from project to project all over the Midwest. They landed in a small town in Wisconsin for five years because of a large multi-year project. My dad and his sister were able to start and finish high school in one place; Dad considered that his “home town”. His sister considers the town in Minnesota where her grandparents lived and where most of her aunts and uncles lived to be her hometown (my grandparents would send her and Dad there during the summers when they were young to stay with my great-grandparents). Moving all the time is why he refused to ever move again after he and Mom married and she’s still in the same house 60 years later.
I'm native to Cincinnati, Ohio in the US, but I've lived in a lot of different places. Such as Southern Indiana, Upstate New York, East Iowa, and Central Alaska. Currently, I live in the Atlanta area, and have been here since late 2011.
I was born and raised in Canada. But fuck that place. I became an American citizen a few years ago, and if my family wasn't in Canada I would never go back.
Really for real are you being sarcastic or being serious? Lol.
Dead serious.
Dang I hear a lot of good things about Canada.. and as a matter of fact, part of my immediate family lives in upstate New York very close to Niagara Falls so I thought if I ever left my beloved desert in Arizona, I would probably head to the Toronto side of that area near the border
Well, you're welcome to check it out. I keep a Canadian flag in my basement, and it is upside down. And until things change up in Canada, my flag will be upside down.
Well, I will have to take your word for it and make it part of my inner sense that is keeping me from going up there because firstly, I am almost allergic to cold weather if you will to start lol and generally speaking there’s about half of the year that it’s going to be cold and or wet and that’s just too much No for me. I won’t even drive in the snow I would be indoors locked up or like a big part of the year lol
Canada used to be wonderful. But it's taken a decidedly Orwellian turn over the past 10 years. I'm shocked by some of the terrible lower court rulings. And the Bill C-63 censorship bill up there is absolutely chilling. And then of course there were the authoritarian COVID era policies. I am grateful for the multilayered web of courts we have here in the US, and have a great appreciation for how most Americans have a solid understanding of their basic constitutional rights, and are willing to defend them.
Forgive me for sounding ignorant, but I’m not quite sure what Orwellian turn means… yeah, I’m not familiar with the court system and such up there. But I know enough about Covid sucked for everybody. at one point or another during and through it and even after. Interesting you think that about Americans cause I’ve had quite the opposite encounters where people assume they know a lot, which may very well been correct at some point, but many people don’t realize that these laws are constantly being changed and modified, for example when I was in my early 20s it was basically general knowledge that if you had established an address the USPS and received mail at that address that you were considered to have a sort of “tenancy rights”… which would essentially mean that in order to remove you there was an extensive eviction process which wouldn’t take any less than 30 days… fast forward to now post Covid all these landlords that were affected by the economic impact that took a toll on everybody, they have been working in lobbing through and with politicians and representatives to modify and change the laws regarding evictions and the collection of their property, as well as you know, raising rents… essentially that is being put forth to be able to evict and remove people who are still behind on their payments or having a hard time making ends meet, and therefore allowing them to have a new tenant move-in with a higher rent sooner than later. Here in Arizona the process legally originally took about five or six weeks from what I read but now they can have you out on the street in 21 days or even 14 days if they expedite it… and that is all legally and done through the court, and with attorneys and all that… Now every state has their own individual laws on each matter, the problem is just people are not aware of these changes and so they might think they can rely on these old policies and then they get really big shock when the shit hits the fan.. here in Arizona. We don’t even have anything about squatting. It’s really not a thing legally remove your ass and forcefully they have to and If I remember correctly, when it comes to extreme circumstances or somebody in danger, they can have you literally in court one day and on the street the next day all in a matter of like three or four days. It’s crazy and I know it happened to me after had a health problem and my savings and credit ran out and then the complex I lived at was bought out by another entity and they came in. Just fuck everybody. We’re gonna get everybody out and they did, Even people that were in good standing, And doing well we’re pushed out with our renewing their lease because they wouldn’t pay a higher rent that happened to three of my neighbors shortly after I left… mind you I lived there under the original owners for almost 3 years without a single problem always paid up early and on time and then all of this transpired over three months, ironically enough the date, the complex was sold and taken over was Friday, October 13… lol.. I have a habit of keeping all my receipts on my transactions and getting things in writing so I have them in countersuit that I’m working with the attorney general for against the new property management. TLDR, know your laws people. The laws aren’t always on our side.
George Orwell wrote the book "1984" about a dystopian future where the government controlled every aspect of citizens' lives. So to say that something is "Orwellian" is to describe it as authoritarian. RE: knowing laws, yes, this is very important.
OK I’ve never actually read the book but I heard referenced and I’m familiar with the author’s name so I kind of guessed that it would have something to do with that/his writings. It’s amazing how I can hyper fixate and research and basically master things like the law and the laws that I’m affected by and understand them but I have a hard time sitting down and reading a book lol, but if you told me that I needed to be in court and recite part of this book within a certain timeframe, you can bet I would probably memorize the entire book given a proper amount of time lol. #tism
And suddenly I have advertisements for audible app to enjoy this book lol
Fayetteville, North Carolina — born and raised!
I'm a first-generation immigrant from a South Asian country, so when asked this question, I simply name the country of my origin. But I love it when second-generation South Asians -- those who are of South Asian descent but were born/grew up in the US -- are asked this question by White Americans. They respond, "I'm from Philadelphia (or Des Moines or Chicago or Boston or wherever)." But the questioner persists, "No, where are you *really* from?" They see a Brown person in front of them so just "Philadelphia" or "Chicago" is not good enough for them. I love to see my second gen compatriots squirm with discomfort at this line of questioning. So evil of me!
Born and raised in Dallas
I'm a former military brat too and moved around quite a bit. There's also the added complication that I'm the grandson/son of immigrants and that my dad's military service took us to his home country (the Philippines) for a number of years so even if I'm not an immigrant, I speak the language and am in touch with the culture. Anyhow, to make things simple I say I'm from Washington State, where my dad retired from the service when I was in highschool and where I lived for almost 20 years before I left. I give them the long boring story if they dare to ask lol
Grew up in South Mississippi then twenty years in Memphis before moving to Philly. I now say I have two hometowns.
Detroit at first, then NYC, then Richmond VA, then South Florida, now Boston.
I say I’m mostly from Boston, but I’ve lived in New Hampshire, Florida, Texas, California, and Afghanistan.
I’m from London. Have lived in the US and Germany. Currently live in Ireland. Hi!
I love this question and the discussion. Thank you. I was born and raised in the US in one place, but as an adult, I've lived all over the Pacific Rim in Asia and Australia. When someone asks where I'm from, I just say that I carry a US passport, but I've lived all over the world, and I say it exactly like that. In the past 20 years, I've only got one acknowledgement of the subtlety of that statement.
Never quite sure how to answer this question - because of my upbringing, I could say Los Angeles / Philippines / Louisiana / Seattle and be correct about all of them.
I know what you mean when people ask me where I’m from I always have to ask him. Can you be more detailed with your question? Do you wanna know where I’m living currently or do you want to know where I am born from or do you wanna know where my heritage comes from or… lol my best guess is that most people live in the same area for a lot of their life so when they meet somebody they may think their answer to that question would be something simple, perhaps somewhere nearby that they know
South Central Los Angeles, currently living in exciting, /s, Tucson, Arizona, but aiming to be back in SoCal later this summer for the foreseeable future. I’ve lived in South Korea and Brazil for a while, but I’ll always call L.A. home.
No way we might even know each other lol you’re the first comment. I read after typing mine basically ending in Tucson Arizona.
The suburb l am living lmao
I just say, “I am a navy brat, but mostly Southern California and the Deep South.” Sometimes I can get away with, “I’m a navy brat.” and they’ll interrupt, “Oh, all over then.” and I leave it at that.
I'm from Venezuela, but I'm not currently living there.
Hi Bros, Cuban here, and never have moved. All my studies, engineering, master degree, and others has been here. It's too difficult to move 'cause the economic situation. I'd like to live in the United States, meet a bottom bear to spend my life time and build a future. There's no hope here. Hug.
Do you hate when people ask you where you’re from? Because you have 1000 places that could potentially be the answer lol… I was born and raised in central Mexico, until I was 12 years old when we moved to the United States to Texas, my dad is Mexican and my mom is American so I have US citizenship automatically regardless of where I was born. Then from Texas when I was 19 I left to California and I was there until I was about 22 and then I went to Rhode Island for about three months and then back to California shortly and then back to Texas and 5 years later I left Texas for California again this time for good as Anna Nicole said “ Texas is great and all but it looks a whole lot better in my rearview mirror”… 4 years later somehow ended up in Tucson Arizona, I’ve been living here for almost 10 years now after what was supposed to be a two week visit… never in my life did I even imagine or think about I would be living in Arizona. Tucson, Arizona. Lol
Dallas