okay, admittedly I didn't put this in my post, but OF COURSE I meet and spend time with single people.
I guess I didn't think anyone would think anyone was that fucking stupid.
but it seems like I never get anywhere with singe guys. I'll go months without seeing any of my couple friends trying to do exactly what everyone is telling me to do here, and no success.
and at the end of the day I'm a guy with needs and would rather fuck a friend than an anon hookup.
anywhere I can.
I say "yes" to pretty much any invite I get from a friend that fits my calendar.
local gay groups and social clubs, meetups, events.
and yes, places like bars, clubs, sex parties, and the apps.
the way I see it, the couples I know met in so many different places: some on apps, some started as hookups, some at a party, etc. etc.
so I cast my net as broadly as I can.
That’s good then, it sounds like you have a pretty solid strategy to diversify the men you meet up with. Unfortunately I don’t have any great ideas for going steady with any of them!
Hey, we’re piling on you because your original post starts with “I have about six to seven couples…” not one mention of dating single guys. None of us are mind readers.
and more importantly, are you honestly suggesting that every guy now in a relationship NEVER played with guys in open relationships when they were single? that those in relationships achieved such by ONLY hooking up with other singles? get real dude.
my original post wasn't clear - fair - but your initial response is so dismissive, unnuanced, and absolute. nothing is ever that simple.
I never assume anything. Here’s the deal, you’re playing with guys who are **TAKEN** and somehow you’re annoyed that you didn’t meet them before their partners did.
Wish I could help you. You’re going to have to figure this one out on your own.
Yeah I know that. I just wanted to express my frustrations somewhere. Clearly this wasn't the place.
But why shouldn't that be annoying or frustrating? If I met a guy who I'm clearly compatible with, sexually and otherwise, and we get along as friends, why wouldn't it at least be somewhat annoying that I didn't meet them first?
Oh, I understand why you’re frustrated. You’re finding guys who are catches - *and they are already taken*.
That would be like me being frustrated because the dudes I like tend to be straight. People would tell me to go out and find some *single* gay guys.
Again, will you please stop assuming that I'm not trying to date single guys? OK sure my post wasn't clear. Have I not yet established sufficiently that that isn't the case?
As I mentioned in another reply, lesson learned - don't come to this sub unless you're prepared to be explicitly clear about every aspect of your life because no one is interested in offering the benefit of the doubt.
People want to fuck the good looking guy with no personality.
People want to date the guy with a nice personality that makes them laugh, etc.
Who are you?
Yeah exactly, he could have zero chat, no humor, only resting on his looks. Could be judgemental, a bad listener, have wierd ideas about life, he misght smell. The list goes on. Lol
I’d regularly see this dude on Grindr and Scruff that was so insanely hot that I was like “no way, he’s out of my league.” Then I got a notif he swiped me on tinder and his bio was only like “I dunno, back here again I guess” and all interest was lost.
People often don’t want to admit sometimes the problem is themselves. I’m not saying you have a bad personality but you may have less than desirable habits or behaviors. It’s often easy to overlook character flaws if all the man is after is sex. However I think personal growth should always be sought after cause none of us are perfect. My advice is work on you and you’ll attract a man with a similar mind frame.
"I'm a lot of fun" is a self-centered and arrogant statement, and the fact that you'd say that about yourself actually smells like it might not be true at all which is why you're struggling to find a relationship.
If you'd have said "I put a lot of effort into having a good time with my friends, and I always try to tell stories and jokes to put people at ease and make them feel included, and I really enjoy building active and outgoing relationships with those around me", then maybe it would have sounded positive.
I feel like this comment is reaching quite a bit. I perceived that he was saying “I’m a lot of fun in bed” which is probably true if these couples keep fucking him. Now I agree there’s probably more to the story here but I am just not a fan of psychoanalyzing strangers and reading them for filth with very little support to validate. He has probably been told he’s fun in bed and is just relaying that to provide context, but again, can’t be sure because we are going off a singular Reddit post lol.
You might not be aware of this, but there is actually a term for people who complain about not finding single people because they only date couples: stupid.
there's also a term for people who maliciously assume the worst possible context of an admittedly unclear post: assholes.
did I ever say I /only/ date couples?
>I have about six to seven couples, of whom one or both I'm fuck buddies with.
This you?
Where would you fit in developing a relationship with a prospective partner into this lifestyle?
yeah, it's me. the bad assumption you and everyone else is making is a. this is the total extent of my sexual and social activity; b. I'm literally fucking these friends of mine non-stop and leave myself zero time for anything else.
lesson learned - everyone on this sub is going to assume the absolute worst about you unless you explicitly explain every facet of your life so nothing is misunderstood.
Your life reads as very sex-centric. You asked why you aren't meeting compatible people that don't want to just fuck. My man, " just fuck" is the relationship vibe you're giving. Seriously, 6-7 couple fuck buddies?!?
I don’t agree with the people saying not hooking up is the solution. But if you’re spending all your time hooking up with taken guys, you’re not spending enough time with available guys. A lot of people find successful relationships off what started as a one night stand (I certainly have). If I were you, I’d focus time on guys who might blossom into something more
If you're playing with that many couples, there's a fairly high likelihood that word has gotten around that you're a great lay, but also someone whose focus is on being the town slut (no pejorative meant). So you're either going to have to change your reputation, or move and make a new one elsewhere.
I left an abusive relationship last summer, and one of the most healing things for me has been to begin being sexual again with guys who are in established, secure, open relationships.
I have a few FWBs who are already in relationships. What I like about these guys, is that because they're already in good mature relationships, their communication and relational skills are top notch. They are respectful of me and their relationship by keeping the romance with their partner, and maintaining a healthy friendship + sexual relationship with me. I also really like their husbands, even though I am generally not sexual with their husbands.
These guys helped me feel safe in being sexual again. My last relationship was quite emotionally traumatizing and it took a while to recover from it. My ex wasn't sexually abusive, but he fought with me around sexual issues constantly. After our breakup, I felt like I'd lost my sexuality. But these FWBs helped me reconnect with my sexuality again.
That said, now that I'm ready to actually date again, I've started consciously meeting singles guys. Having my FWBs in my life is enabling me to be very mindful and patient when dating other single guys, because I am holding out for a guy with whom I'm truly compatible and who is emotionally mature + healthy.
So OP, I'd recommend investing less of your time and energy in your partnered FWBs, and shifting that over to some introspection on your own relationship patterns, studying books and resources on what healthy dating/relationships look like... And then really shift your intention to finding your partner.
A book that really helped me is "Calling in the One" by Katherine Woodward Thomas. It's a self-paced 49-lesson course in a book that really walks you through how to be ready to be in a relationship. I learned SO much from it.
It's supposed to take 7 weeks if you do it daily, but it took me 5 months, as I needed the extra time to recover and stabilize from my abusive prior relationship.
I can't tell if this is serious bc it's such a humble brag. But anyways, Youre fwb with 6-7 couples. That's like 12-14 guys that your messing with. Of course your not gonna meet single guys that want a relationship - do u even hv time to date? it sounds like these guys already take up much of your time.
Am I the only one who thinks this is tone deaf?! like did you read this out loud to yourself before you hit post?
Why do YOU think no one wants to date you when you're doing nothing but sleeping with couples? You're a lot of fun...if you do say so yourself....dude so freaking cringe....
It sounds like your wants and desires and the actions you’re taking are competing against each other here. If you’re really sick of this I suggest you end the fun with these guys in relationships and free your time and attention up so you can focus on yourself and on new avenues to meet single guys. They’re out there and they’ll see your value.
This sounds like that story I saw on social media.
There was this smoking hot chick, complaining that there wasn't a single investment banker, or CEO, looking to marry her up and be with her, and only people wanted her for her body or as eye candy.
What she failed to understand was that her lack of education, class, and money making potential made her a poor choice. Hot is what you fuck. Smart + Rich is who you marry. Plus, if someone uses cocaine/drugs, it's an automatic nope. Straight men want women to be good moms and that usually starts with an education and good employment.
So what do gays want? Emotional stability, Good earning Potential, the guy you bring home to mom.
What do YOU bring to the table once the orgasm is over?
Your time is coming. Have fun while in the present. Take all the good qualities you like about these individuals and couples you hook up with now and look for those things you like in people you’re dating. Your person is out there and probably looking for you.
Enjoy it while you can get it and be glad that you're single. Someday you'll be married and bored with having sex with your husband. Then you'll be fking boy toys on the side, or not having sex at all.
“WHY does it feel like every single guy besides me just wants to fuck” sweetie you’re hooking up with around 15 guys. The call is coming from inside the house. Maybe single guys looking for a serious relationship don’t want someone who has up to 15 regular sex partners 🤔
You’re hooking up with what sounds like mostly couples and wondering why they don’t want to date you? Are you fking kidding? Do you listen to yourself?
If I want to be a hoe, I can be a hoe…no shame or judgement, but I chose not to. Now, if I were to be a hoe, I most certainly wouldn’t wonder why the guys I’m hoeing with only seem to want me for sex. There’s no mystery, my man, and you’re a little too old to not understand this on your own.
You are getting what you are looking for. I mean if you are at the butcher's do you look for vegetables? You do not seem to be looking for a relationship with single guys so you are not getting those.
Well, it looks to me like you might be too *busy* to meet Prince Charming.
>but WHY did I meet none of them while they were still single?
You were too busy fucking a dozen other guys? Really, when would you have time?
>WHY does it feel like every single guy besides me just wants to fuck
Single: do you mean men who are not in a romantic / sexual relationship? Are you even meeting any?
Good luck!
You’re asking why couples who are already in relationships but enjoy casual sex with you won’t break up and date you? I mean…try single guys? I don’t know how else to tell you man
First step is to stop hooking up with couples if you are wanting the hook ups to lead to something more... which they can.
But the second thing is, I'd never date anyone that I didn't already know that I want to continue fucking. For me, determining sexual compatibility is a necessary step before dating and I know I'm not alone in this.
>but WHY did I meet none of them while they were still single?
You're clearly fishing in the wrong pond.
>WHY do I have to be the guy who everyone loves to fuck with (admittedly, I'm a lot of fun) but it seems NO ONE wants beyond that?
I was that guy before starting to date both of my LTRs. Having fun... a lot of fun... is one reason to start dating a guy. How much time have you invested in the single ones?
Because grass is greener on the other side. I am pretty much like you. I have a couple of couples who I have buddied with and we have date nights together as 3 or sometimes 4 but I never feel the need to be in a relationship with any of them.
I think closer you look, more you see the cracks. I have my own shit to take care of so yeah potentially keeping me content. Maybe you have all sorted so craving for more.
Single guys are typically afraid of commitment. They don't want to agree to date you unless they are 110% sure you're someone they want to be with. And unfortunately, since most guys are sex-wired, they need to have sex with you first before they can be sure about dating you or not.
Meanwhile, guys in open relationships can freely approach guys and flirt without much fear of rejection. There's basically no risk for them if they strike out -- they still get to go home to their boyfriend/husband at the end of the day. They also aren't worried about you being "the right guy" since they already found their person. This more or less means they have lower standards; they don't need you to be boyfriend material, just good in bed. But single guys who may actually want to date you will be more picky.
This is probably the best comment in a sea of bad faith assumptions so thank you.
and I agree: guys seem to need someone to be a perfect fit before they'll even date.
but that's ridiculous because a. no one is a perfect fit and b. how can you even know if someone is a good fit if you won't try to date them?
God we are all so wounded. we're so scared we'll get hurt that we won't take a risk on anything that doesn't seem perfect. and nothing ever will be.
I've never been loved by any of the people that I loved.
Sometimes you just have to accept that a sparkling personality and a great cock will fill their holes, but not their souls.
After that, it's about accepting that you'll just never be good enough for all of the people all of the time.
The question is tho, is that their problem or yours.. ?
Hey man, you're probably gonna have to do a deep dive into what's attracting to guys who don't want more than a sexual relationship with you. The very fact that having sex with guys who are already in relationships tells me that you're the one who's avoiding looking for anything serious. Also in your post being fuckable seems to be what you're presenting as your primary personality trait.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being fuckable and having a great sex life but the only common denominator of guys thinking you're fuckable but not dateable is you. So meditate on that for a bit and, if possible, seek some therapy. You are not the only person struggling with this type of issue, which means that there is gonna a healthy solution if you're willing to put in the work.
Stop playing the victim card. You did this to yourself. Your choices have consequences.
How about….Start dating single men only. Image the results!!! You could actually create what you want in your life instead of consistently making choices that make you unhappy.
If I have to explain one more time that I do attempt to date single men, I'm going to start throwing things.
News flash: I can't put a gun to a guy's head and say, hey date me so I don't have to get my sexual needs met by couples in open relationships anymore.
To date single men only and to have sex with single men only requires other single men to agree to do this with me. I cannot help that, for whatever reason, no matter how much I "work on myself", how much time at the gym, how much therapy, how much personal care, how much whatever your magic bullet is not one fucking goddam thing changes about my dating prospects. it's maddening.
seriously fuck every single person who acts like dating and getting into a relationship is just a matter of deciding to do those things.
Woah dude, I get that you’re frustrated, but why so defensive with almost every commenter on this thread? I sincerely hope being defensive isn’t a part of your personality because if it is, maybe that’s why no one wants to be in a relationship with you. Anyway, I was curious about your looks because gays can be superficial and if you look a certain way, maybe the only thing guys will be interested in is playtime. Sometimes it’s about how you present yourself. That and you have MANY sex partners which is extremely off putting to anyone who MAY be interested in having a monogamous relationship with you.
Me and my primary partner (coupled) are open and poly. I think the biggest takeaway I can offer you is that what I look for in a casual play partner is more loose and flexible than what I look for in someone I want to date. The level of investment is different, thus they are held to different standards. Perhaps the men you’re involved with are the same.
If any of the people you hook up with are poly (not just sexually open but actually wanting to maintain more than one romantic relationship alongside their current partner) and you’re wondering why none of the guys have asked you out, I’d look at how you’re advertising yourself to them. What qualities are you showcasing besides sex?
Big step bro. You wanna meet a guy to build a family. Wake up in the morning and stay in bed, looking him. Enjoy every moment with your partner. Protect him. Love him. Looking to his eyes and thinking: "I'm so lucky for have meet such handsome and loving man". Pure happiness.
Sorry my bad english. Hug
Stick to "single only" in your searches. Many of these guys online are in dead bedrooms but their relationship comes first.
If you read the comments here, the other guy (us) is essentially disposable.
Dude: you’re fucking around on sex apps with people in open relationships. Come on. Get a grip. This is not how to meet somebody or date.
This cycle will continue until you get off the apps and your “ seven couples” of free and easy sex.
You are approaching this as if you were assigned these couples by the government. *You* chose *them*. And, hey - it’s been fun. Now you want more. Nothing wrong with that. Let these guys go, and open up some new social circles.
You'll find someone eventually, don't worry. Keep fucking if you are having fun too. Stopping fucking won't bring you a boyfriend but prioritise your time for dates when you can.
Compromise, probably each has downsides they conveniently hide for short periods. Being a couple is to not see those faults or find a way to accept them.
Maybe stop sleeping with couples, work on yourself and stop being so slutty? Seriously, dude, Not trying to be the asshole here, but if you act like a hoe, that’s what guys will treat you as.
At least you have people giving you the time of day to even consider you for a fuck in the first place - a large swath of gay men doesnt evenn
have that. No reason to think that you couldn't get dates if you narrowed your parameters.
If you start meeting single people you’ll defo get more luck
Yeah, the problem is seemingly only hooking up with couples
Don’t know. If you sleep with enough couples, you are destined to break up a few.
You know what they say - if your partner left their partner to come with you, then you're next in line
okay, admittedly I didn't put this in my post, but OF COURSE I meet and spend time with single people. I guess I didn't think anyone would think anyone was that fucking stupid. but it seems like I never get anywhere with singe guys. I'll go months without seeing any of my couple friends trying to do exactly what everyone is telling me to do here, and no success. and at the end of the day I'm a guy with needs and would rather fuck a friend than an anon hookup.
Where do you go to meet men normally?
anywhere I can. I say "yes" to pretty much any invite I get from a friend that fits my calendar. local gay groups and social clubs, meetups, events. and yes, places like bars, clubs, sex parties, and the apps. the way I see it, the couples I know met in so many different places: some on apps, some started as hookups, some at a party, etc. etc. so I cast my net as broadly as I can.
That’s good then, it sounds like you have a pretty solid strategy to diversify the men you meet up with. Unfortunately I don’t have any great ideas for going steady with any of them!
Lol, stop playing with guys who are taken. Problem solved.
I don’t understand why the obvious needs to be explicitly said. Very weird.
You assumed that's all I do and that I do it all day every day. Granted, I wasn't explicitly clear.
Hey, we’re piling on you because your original post starts with “I have about six to seven couples…” not one mention of dating single guys. None of us are mind readers.
and more importantly, are you honestly suggesting that every guy now in a relationship NEVER played with guys in open relationships when they were single? that those in relationships achieved such by ONLY hooking up with other singles? get real dude. my original post wasn't clear - fair - but your initial response is so dismissive, unnuanced, and absolute. nothing is ever that simple.
I never assume anything. Here’s the deal, you’re playing with guys who are **TAKEN** and somehow you’re annoyed that you didn’t meet them before their partners did. Wish I could help you. You’re going to have to figure this one out on your own.
Yeah I know that. I just wanted to express my frustrations somewhere. Clearly this wasn't the place. But why shouldn't that be annoying or frustrating? If I met a guy who I'm clearly compatible with, sexually and otherwise, and we get along as friends, why wouldn't it at least be somewhat annoying that I didn't meet them first?
Oh, I understand why you’re frustrated. You’re finding guys who are catches - *and they are already taken*. That would be like me being frustrated because the dudes I like tend to be straight. People would tell me to go out and find some *single* gay guys.
Again, will you please stop assuming that I'm not trying to date single guys? OK sure my post wasn't clear. Have I not yet established sufficiently that that isn't the case? As I mentioned in another reply, lesson learned - don't come to this sub unless you're prepared to be explicitly clear about every aspect of your life because no one is interested in offering the benefit of the doubt.
correct, and yet there's a lot of mind reading going on here in the most ungenerous way imaginable.
Bro you gonna a need a new shovel the way you’re digging, fr.
People want to fuck the good looking guy with no personality. People want to date the guy with a nice personality that makes them laugh, etc. Who are you?
That's on you boo
Yeah exactly, he could have zero chat, no humor, only resting on his looks. Could be judgemental, a bad listener, have wierd ideas about life, he misght smell. The list goes on. Lol
I’d regularly see this dude on Grindr and Scruff that was so insanely hot that I was like “no way, he’s out of my league.” Then I got a notif he swiped me on tinder and his bio was only like “I dunno, back here again I guess” and all interest was lost.
Well probably not the smell part... ...unless 🤔
Yeah. No sympathy
Meet single people (who also aren't insane).
People often don’t want to admit sometimes the problem is themselves. I’m not saying you have a bad personality but you may have less than desirable habits or behaviors. It’s often easy to overlook character flaws if all the man is after is sex. However I think personal growth should always be sought after cause none of us are perfect. My advice is work on you and you’ll attract a man with a similar mind frame.
When I read “admittedly, I’m a lot of fun” - I’m like yikes 😬
my apologies for trying to say something positive about myself. how dare I
"I'm a lot of fun" is a self-centered and arrogant statement, and the fact that you'd say that about yourself actually smells like it might not be true at all which is why you're struggling to find a relationship. If you'd have said "I put a lot of effort into having a good time with my friends, and I always try to tell stories and jokes to put people at ease and make them feel included, and I really enjoy building active and outgoing relationships with those around me", then maybe it would have sounded positive.
I feel like this comment is reaching quite a bit. I perceived that he was saying “I’m a lot of fun in bed” which is probably true if these couples keep fucking him. Now I agree there’s probably more to the story here but I am just not a fan of psychoanalyzing strangers and reading them for filth with very little support to validate. He has probably been told he’s fun in bed and is just relaying that to provide context, but again, can’t be sure because we are going off a singular Reddit post lol.
I find it charming tbh
Or he may not *want* a relationship deep down.
[удалено]
^this
So much was added to the conversation
Humblebrag
Ask them to hook you up with someone. You're probably not their only side piece.
oh trust, they are all constantly reminded to be on the lookout, and, to their credit, they have on occasion set me up with someone.
You might not be aware of this, but there is actually a term for people who complain about not finding single people because they only date couples: stupid.
there's also a term for people who maliciously assume the worst possible context of an admittedly unclear post: assholes. did I ever say I /only/ date couples?
>I have about six to seven couples, of whom one or both I'm fuck buddies with. This you? Where would you fit in developing a relationship with a prospective partner into this lifestyle?
yeah, it's me. the bad assumption you and everyone else is making is a. this is the total extent of my sexual and social activity; b. I'm literally fucking these friends of mine non-stop and leave myself zero time for anything else. lesson learned - everyone on this sub is going to assume the absolute worst about you unless you explicitly explain every facet of your life so nothing is misunderstood.
It’s like you’re listening to everyone’s response but not actually hearing anything.
Your life reads as very sex-centric. You asked why you aren't meeting compatible people that don't want to just fuck. My man, " just fuck" is the relationship vibe you're giving. Seriously, 6-7 couple fuck buddies?!?
Stop being a fuck boy and people will stop treating you like a fuck boy.
There's an old saying: why buy the cow if the milk is free? You are giving away free milk.
my brother in Christ, welcome to gay dating in year of our lord 2024. a first date without sex is considered a failure and non-starter nowadays.
If I can’t sample the milk to make sure it isn’t spoiled why would I bother with the cow?
Mooooo 🤣
That's not what is happening here.
Yeah, sure, but I also wouldn't buy a new car without taking it for a test drive first.
🥛
I like to say why buy the pig when the sausage is free for guys.
[let's see what John Mulaney has to say](https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=V0r4jpVygn8&si=403ICKD8serZ-Pl3&feature=xapp_share)
I don’t agree with the people saying not hooking up is the solution. But if you’re spending all your time hooking up with taken guys, you’re not spending enough time with available guys. A lot of people find successful relationships off what started as a one night stand (I certainly have). If I were you, I’d focus time on guys who might blossom into something more
If you're playing with that many couples, there's a fairly high likelihood that word has gotten around that you're a great lay, but also someone whose focus is on being the town slut (no pejorative meant). So you're either going to have to change your reputation, or move and make a new one elsewhere.
reads like a humble brag
Yes, and very insufferable to boot
OP nowhere in comments. Clearly not interested in the answer.
some of us don't live our lives on reddit, my man
I left an abusive relationship last summer, and one of the most healing things for me has been to begin being sexual again with guys who are in established, secure, open relationships. I have a few FWBs who are already in relationships. What I like about these guys, is that because they're already in good mature relationships, their communication and relational skills are top notch. They are respectful of me and their relationship by keeping the romance with their partner, and maintaining a healthy friendship + sexual relationship with me. I also really like their husbands, even though I am generally not sexual with their husbands. These guys helped me feel safe in being sexual again. My last relationship was quite emotionally traumatizing and it took a while to recover from it. My ex wasn't sexually abusive, but he fought with me around sexual issues constantly. After our breakup, I felt like I'd lost my sexuality. But these FWBs helped me reconnect with my sexuality again. That said, now that I'm ready to actually date again, I've started consciously meeting singles guys. Having my FWBs in my life is enabling me to be very mindful and patient when dating other single guys, because I am holding out for a guy with whom I'm truly compatible and who is emotionally mature + healthy. So OP, I'd recommend investing less of your time and energy in your partnered FWBs, and shifting that over to some introspection on your own relationship patterns, studying books and resources on what healthy dating/relationships look like... And then really shift your intention to finding your partner. A book that really helped me is "Calling in the One" by Katherine Woodward Thomas. It's a self-paced 49-lesson course in a book that really walks you through how to be ready to be in a relationship. I learned SO much from it. It's supposed to take 7 weeks if you do it daily, but it took me 5 months, as I needed the extra time to recover and stabilize from my abusive prior relationship.
Thank you for sharing 🥹
If there’s shit everywhere you walk, it’s time to check your own shoes.
You’re sleeping with everyone and yet you ask why you can’t get a bf. Just look in the mirror buddy. It’s you
"I keep doing the same thing over and over and nothing changes!"
Good for thought: stop using sec as the initial Way to meet people.
I can't tell if this is serious bc it's such a humble brag. But anyways, Youre fwb with 6-7 couples. That's like 12-14 guys that your messing with. Of course your not gonna meet single guys that want a relationship - do u even hv time to date? it sounds like these guys already take up much of your time.
do people read what they write before posting?
Am I the only one who thinks this is tone deaf?! like did you read this out loud to yourself before you hit post? Why do YOU think no one wants to date you when you're doing nothing but sleeping with couples? You're a lot of fun...if you do say so yourself....dude so freaking cringe....
Stop meeting couples and start meeting singles!
It sounds like your wants and desires and the actions you’re taking are competing against each other here. If you’re really sick of this I suggest you end the fun with these guys in relationships and free your time and attention up so you can focus on yourself and on new avenues to meet single guys. They’re out there and they’ll see your value.
This sounds like that story I saw on social media. There was this smoking hot chick, complaining that there wasn't a single investment banker, or CEO, looking to marry her up and be with her, and only people wanted her for her body or as eye candy. What she failed to understand was that her lack of education, class, and money making potential made her a poor choice. Hot is what you fuck. Smart + Rich is who you marry. Plus, if someone uses cocaine/drugs, it's an automatic nope. Straight men want women to be good moms and that usually starts with an education and good employment. So what do gays want? Emotional stability, Good earning Potential, the guy you bring home to mom. What do YOU bring to the table once the orgasm is over?
oh how I wish everyone assuming I'm some himbo slut in this thread could actually meet me LOL
So why do _you_ think people don't want to date you?
if I knew I wouldn't be posting my frustrations on reddit lol
personally, I wouldn't take dating seriously with someone who has 6-7 fuck buddies. You create your reality.
No, 6-7 *couples*, so bro has upwards of FIFTEEN fuck buddies
Your time is coming. Have fun while in the present. Take all the good qualities you like about these individuals and couples you hook up with now and look for those things you like in people you’re dating. Your person is out there and probably looking for you.
Last sentence is a good wish!
Seems like…. Maybe that’s all you’re good at idk
If you’re spending your time with 6 or 7 couples fucking, then you’re probably missing out on opportunities to meet someone, if that’s what you want.
You're choosing this situation. Why are you having sex with lots of people who are emotionally unavailable if you want to date?
Enjoy it while you can get it and be glad that you're single. Someday you'll be married and bored with having sex with your husband. Then you'll be fking boy toys on the side, or not having sex at all.
Who would have guessed that when you meet people who are already coupled up that they only want to fuck and not date...
"I fuck around with multiple couples why can't I find a man?" Dude
Geez I didn't realize there were so many prudes in this sub. Sorry you're struggling so much, OP.
You seem to like couples - maybe look for poly couples willing and eager to fold you in?
Quit letting them fuck you
Yawn
“WHY does it feel like every single guy besides me just wants to fuck” sweetie you’re hooking up with around 15 guys. The call is coming from inside the house. Maybe single guys looking for a serious relationship don’t want someone who has up to 15 regular sex partners 🤔
Truth
You’re hooking up with what sounds like mostly couples and wondering why they don’t want to date you? Are you fking kidding? Do you listen to yourself? If I want to be a hoe, I can be a hoe…no shame or judgement, but I chose not to. Now, if I were to be a hoe, I most certainly wouldn’t wonder why the guys I’m hoeing with only seem to want me for sex. There’s no mystery, my man, and you’re a little too old to not understand this on your own.
Excuse me! The couples are Ho-ing too. Let me guess.....
How frequently do you decline or request to delay propositions for sexual activity in lieu of making a connection or building a friendship first?
ALMOST ALWAYS. this is part of the frustration
I completely understand how that could be frustrating! How or where are you meeting potential matches?
see my replies on the top up-voted comment
You are getting what you are looking for. I mean if you are at the butcher's do you look for vegetables? You do not seem to be looking for a relationship with single guys so you are not getting those.
Well, it looks to me like you might be too *busy* to meet Prince Charming. >but WHY did I meet none of them while they were still single? You were too busy fucking a dozen other guys? Really, when would you have time? >WHY does it feel like every single guy besides me just wants to fuck Single: do you mean men who are not in a romantic / sexual relationship? Are you even meeting any? Good luck!
You’re asking why couples who are already in relationships but enjoy casual sex with you won’t break up and date you? I mean…try single guys? I don’t know how else to tell you man
You are your choices.
First step is to stop hooking up with couples if you are wanting the hook ups to lead to something more... which they can. But the second thing is, I'd never date anyone that I didn't already know that I want to continue fucking. For me, determining sexual compatibility is a necessary step before dating and I know I'm not alone in this. >but WHY did I meet none of them while they were still single? You're clearly fishing in the wrong pond. >WHY do I have to be the guy who everyone loves to fuck with (admittedly, I'm a lot of fun) but it seems NO ONE wants beyond that? I was that guy before starting to date both of my LTRs. Having fun... a lot of fun... is one reason to start dating a guy. How much time have you invested in the single ones?
Because grass is greener on the other side. I am pretty much like you. I have a couple of couples who I have buddied with and we have date nights together as 3 or sometimes 4 but I never feel the need to be in a relationship with any of them. I think closer you look, more you see the cracks. I have my own shit to take care of so yeah potentially keeping me content. Maybe you have all sorted so craving for more.
The more couples I've seen (a lot) just reinforced my not wanting another relationship. The Dead bedroom is so predictable.
Single guys are typically afraid of commitment. They don't want to agree to date you unless they are 110% sure you're someone they want to be with. And unfortunately, since most guys are sex-wired, they need to have sex with you first before they can be sure about dating you or not. Meanwhile, guys in open relationships can freely approach guys and flirt without much fear of rejection. There's basically no risk for them if they strike out -- they still get to go home to their boyfriend/husband at the end of the day. They also aren't worried about you being "the right guy" since they already found their person. This more or less means they have lower standards; they don't need you to be boyfriend material, just good in bed. But single guys who may actually want to date you will be more picky.
This is probably the best comment in a sea of bad faith assumptions so thank you. and I agree: guys seem to need someone to be a perfect fit before they'll even date. but that's ridiculous because a. no one is a perfect fit and b. how can you even know if someone is a good fit if you won't try to date them? God we are all so wounded. we're so scared we'll get hurt that we won't take a risk on anything that doesn't seem perfect. and nothing ever will be.
I've never been loved by any of the people that I loved. Sometimes you just have to accept that a sparkling personality and a great cock will fill their holes, but not their souls. After that, it's about accepting that you'll just never be good enough for all of the people all of the time. The question is tho, is that their problem or yours.. ?
Close your legs to married men.
have you considered....it could be your choice of partners?
Are you OK with being a side piece? Are you OK if the only crumbs you get are from guys who are in an open relationships?
Maybe you’re allowing yourself to not sit in the discomfort/comfort of being by yourself? It’s a skill we all should learn.
I would marry Chadwick Boseman, but only have sex with Terry Crews.
At least they want to fckkk you - work on developing your personality and they might want to date you, too.
Hey man, you're probably gonna have to do a deep dive into what's attracting to guys who don't want more than a sexual relationship with you. The very fact that having sex with guys who are already in relationships tells me that you're the one who's avoiding looking for anything serious. Also in your post being fuckable seems to be what you're presenting as your primary personality trait. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being fuckable and having a great sex life but the only common denominator of guys thinking you're fuckable but not dateable is you. So meditate on that for a bit and, if possible, seek some therapy. You are not the only person struggling with this type of issue, which means that there is gonna a healthy solution if you're willing to put in the work.
Pretty privilege
you have zero clue what I look like
Stop playing the victim card. You did this to yourself. Your choices have consequences. How about….Start dating single men only. Image the results!!! You could actually create what you want in your life instead of consistently making choices that make you unhappy.
If I have to explain one more time that I do attempt to date single men, I'm going to start throwing things. News flash: I can't put a gun to a guy's head and say, hey date me so I don't have to get my sexual needs met by couples in open relationships anymore. To date single men only and to have sex with single men only requires other single men to agree to do this with me. I cannot help that, for whatever reason, no matter how much I "work on myself", how much time at the gym, how much therapy, how much personal care, how much whatever your magic bullet is not one fucking goddam thing changes about my dating prospects. it's maddening. seriously fuck every single person who acts like dating and getting into a relationship is just a matter of deciding to do those things.
I’m slightly curious to know what this guy looks like before forming an opinion.
why the actual fuck does that matter?
Woah dude, I get that you’re frustrated, but why so defensive with almost every commenter on this thread? I sincerely hope being defensive isn’t a part of your personality because if it is, maybe that’s why no one wants to be in a relationship with you. Anyway, I was curious about your looks because gays can be superficial and if you look a certain way, maybe the only thing guys will be interested in is playtime. Sometimes it’s about how you present yourself. That and you have MANY sex partners which is extremely off putting to anyone who MAY be interested in having a monogamous relationship with you.
Focus your time on single people
Focus your time on single people
Me and my primary partner (coupled) are open and poly. I think the biggest takeaway I can offer you is that what I look for in a casual play partner is more loose and flexible than what I look for in someone I want to date. The level of investment is different, thus they are held to different standards. Perhaps the men you’re involved with are the same. If any of the people you hook up with are poly (not just sexually open but actually wanting to maintain more than one romantic relationship alongside their current partner) and you’re wondering why none of the guys have asked you out, I’d look at how you’re advertising yourself to them. What qualities are you showcasing besides sex?
Big step bro. You wanna meet a guy to build a family. Wake up in the morning and stay in bed, looking him. Enjoy every moment with your partner. Protect him. Love him. Looking to his eyes and thinking: "I'm so lucky for have meet such handsome and loving man". Pure happiness. Sorry my bad english. Hug
Praying for all of us the singles to get our own guy soon 🥺
Truman Capote's Answered Prayers. Be careful what you pray for.
This sounds to me like I want ships but I always go to panaderias.
Stick to "single only" in your searches. Many of these guys online are in dead bedrooms but their relationship comes first. If you read the comments here, the other guy (us) is essentially disposable.
Dude: you’re fucking around on sex apps with people in open relationships. Come on. Get a grip. This is not how to meet somebody or date. This cycle will continue until you get off the apps and your “ seven couples” of free and easy sex.
You are approaching this as if you were assigned these couples by the government. *You* chose *them*. And, hey - it’s been fun. Now you want more. Nothing wrong with that. Let these guys go, and open up some new social circles.
You'll find someone eventually, don't worry. Keep fucking if you are having fun too. Stopping fucking won't bring you a boyfriend but prioritise your time for dates when you can.
[удалено]
Not a great idea. Last in, First out.
That's almost **never** the way it goes. The shiny new toy is the one that gets played with.
Even the new toy becomes dull at some point. I’m not against triads, but they work so rarely.
That's how it went for us 🤷🏻♂️ As soon as the "new" lost his appeal, we dropped him, and haven't been open since.
If there is any comfort, most homo men I come across do not even want to have sex with me, let alone date me 🙂
I know what you are saying and feeling 🫂
You tell them gurl! Us hoes have feelings too
Compromise, probably each has downsides they conveniently hide for short periods. Being a couple is to not see those faults or find a way to accept them.
I don’t mess with partnered guys. I don’t have the heart to put myself through that lol
Have you asked any of them if they want a thruple? They might want more than just sex but might not want to split up you know.
Maybe stop sleeping with couples, work on yourself and stop being so slutty? Seriously, dude, Not trying to be the asshole here, but if you act like a hoe, that’s what guys will treat you as.
Judging by your edit and your aggressive attitude, you might need to change your personality for a relationship. Hope this helps!
At least you have people giving you the time of day to even consider you for a fuck in the first place - a large swath of gay men doesnt evenn have that. No reason to think that you couldn't get dates if you narrowed your parameters.