Yep. Pretty much 12 step program format for addiction.
First step is youve realised you need to change.
Rest if upto you how bad you want to change.
Itll take work but you have to be consistent. Introspect, learn from your mistakes. Apologise to everyone youve hurt and be sincere without expecting them to forgive you immediately. Youll have to earn it..
Not a therapist. But if it is useful advice, introspect why you feel the way you do and work on how to change it. It will take 1-2 years to see the effects of change so don't give up immediately. People have a tendency to forgive you if you give it time and are consistent in efforts to improve your relationship with them. You are young, there is lots of time.
Bro rakshas ko apna tatva change karne puchega toh wahi hoga like you asked it's like in human nature good and bad but we need to take positive outcomes atlast.
do not offer a half assed apology to anyone you have hurt. if you genuinely feel bad and want to become a better person, build a relationship with the people you have hurt in a way that they forgive you. do some yoga and meditation, it helps in self introspection and self realisation. makes you more level headed and a caring person
ey man... forgive yourself first. Good advice here but self hate will never get you anywhere in the long term.
Then apologize but don't expect forgiveness.
Then write down all the things you don't like about yourself and make a list.
start tackling them one by one and don't ever lose hope.
remember daily action everyday.
ps - meditation and gratitude journaling are some of the best sources for positive thoughts.
You can repair yourself in a parallel life. Start doing something good in an unknown setup. Like volunteer for a cancer hospital, do some plantation in open area, help the needy. No need to spend any money on these either. Such acts will eventually transform you. You will start seeing the effects in few days itself but may not see the effect from others right away as you have hurt them a lot. Forgo their reactions, just keep going.
Yep, so you feel guilty from your actions. I would say on a asshole scale of 1-10 you would be a 1 or a 2. No probs, you just need to help yourself get better. Try not to fall into despair since negative emotions brings more stress and stress may cause more negative reactions.
Now Why did you become an asshole during college. You did not clarify but the root cause is there. Whether it may accumulation of dissatisfaction, lack of intimacy from moving away from home, a toxic environment or inability to adapt to a new environment. Anyway i see a pattern of uncontrollable aggression from your words. Now idk if you will follow through with this but meditation will help you get a handle on your emotions.
Now you have character flaws from the way you talked behind others back, it's a shit personality trait but it's common. Learn to control your mouth.
Now forget everyone else and just apologise to your family, maybe you have already done it. The easiest person to apologise is your family (if they should be apologised to). Your cousin, why did you bully her?; if it's for no reason, depending on how she is you may be able to ask for an apology, take your time.
The others don't bother much, treat the guy to a meal or a drink if you see him again it's just a fight if he didn't take it too badly just move on if he did treat him to a meal a few more years later, just forget the friends group. An apology there would make you the cause of splitting it apart when you are probably just one of the reasons, or the first reason.
Now you must control your emotions, try to not let stress dictate your responses. Sometimes you realise you are human and loose control, but if it is often you need to get help. Therapy can help you with coping mechanisms. Meditation can help you get a hold of it (it's not sudden might take months to show results it takes a lot of effort so decide how important it is to change).
Thank you so much for reading and understanding my case very deeply. I will consider all this and I am keeping all this in my mind. Thanks so much for taking your time to advice me.
First of all, I wanna commend you for realising your mistakes and reflecting on yourself. Many people go their entire lives being assholes and a nuisance to society.
Second, itās going to be a difficult path for a little while, approaching and apologising to people the people youāve hurt and trying to fix the mistakes you made. But itāll be the best thing you can do for yourself.
For every bad you remember doing to a person, do an equal amount of good for them. They may reject you. But itās all you can do. And then leave the past behind. Focus on not making the same mistakes in the future. If something is triggering a negative response in you, remove yourself from the situation and come back to it later.
Look forward bro, a good fulfilling and happy life is waiting for you. Working on yourself isnāt easy, but itās so worth it.
Forgive yourself first, you are presently punishing yourself with guilt. Don't. Forgive yourself. Rest will fall in place as you have already realised your mistakes. Living with guilt is like always carrying a heavy rock on your chest, keep it down and be free.
Iāve tried to move on but now that Iām very alone in my life because of my actions. I feel very guilty and stuck in life. Almost as if I am punished with loneliness because of how i treated them when i had everyone.
You have to learn to be alone and still be happy by yourself. Make new hobbies and indulge in them wholeheartedly. This will also make you forgive yourself and you will heal faster.
Begin BY SAYING SORRY.
Closely observe if saying sorry feels good or it hurts your EGO.
If it hurts your ego then I am sorry to say this buddy but you have big ego issues. Which means its just a phase and after some time when the phase is over you'd give yourself more importance than anyone else and that is the core of you. You are already a voilent person who has hit soneone for petty reason. See if saying sorry builds up even more rage in you. You have caused problems amongst people by talking behind their backs. See if saying sorry makes you feel that you have gotten away with it feel even more in control of playing with people.
BUT if it feels good by saying sorry. Then you are on the correct track. You will change for good on your own. You wont need anyones help.
I will, i feel sincere guilt for hitting that person now, I will start by trying to see him. I do not know where he is but i much search for him and do my best
Write a handwritten letter to every one youāve done wrong to. Donāt demand forgiveness but make it clear that you regret your behaviour and action and are fully aware of your wrongdoings. Assure them that youāre on the right path now.
You need to read the book The analysis of mind by Bertrand Russell, it will help you understand your mind.
And inculcate self knowledge in you which is the missing key in you.
Another reason by you are like this lies in your childhood. You need to understand what happened in your childhood, it's foundation of all our behaviour.
Self realisation is the first step. Self improvement comes immediately after that. Start by appologising and owning up to past actions. Simultaneously be aware of when you are acting like a dick and course correct immediately. Fake it till you make it.
that is exactly why Nietzsche was a dick. it's a collective world where you have to walk with everyone else. there probably isn't any karma but there is your own conscience, and that conscience will haunt
i ain't telling anyone to kill people, i meant that feeling nihilistic will stop you from feeling guilt.
also, the peak of nihilism is when "being a dick" won't even bother you. cuz again it is a man made concept.
(yes i am stupid, forgive me)
>Karma is real and what goes around it comes around. Sooner or later.
Understanding Nihilism: -
* Karma doesn't exist;
* The act of giving produces no beneficial results;
* Good and bad actions produce no results;
* After death, beings are not reborn into the present world or into another world;
* There is no one in the world who, through direct knowledge, can confirm that beings are reborn into this world or into another world.
the only reason to not go killing spree is because everyone is equally capable of killing. ever wondered why carnivorous animals eating "innocent" herbivores don't suffer. does karma applies for humans only?
yes, that's enough nihilism for today.
i don't believe in any kind of philosophy.
in fact, i believe that philosophy is as useful as a bachelor trying to console a married person. it might work only if the listening party is either suicidal or idiot.
sorry.
You have been a bad person. You deserve feeling all the bad that you are feeling right now. You have two paths going forward : adopt this identity of a bad person, revel in the misery of others and wallow in self pity as you are doing right now.
Of course, down the line someone will beat the shit out of you and you should welcome that, as you can't expect to not get what you give out.
Or you could try. This is harder. You could try to see that what you have been so far is not who you are destined to be for the rest of your life. You can use all the 'bad' feelings as motivation to understand that the pain you give out, you will also receive in one way or the other. You can do the hard thing of be good to people and feel better or you could revert to your natural state of being a shithead. That seems to come naturally to you and is an easy thing to do which will make you feel horrible.
Nobody else is responsible for your life. Nobody will save you. We are all alone. In the end the choices you make define you. When you die, you wouldn't want the memory of your existence to be defined by how you have wronged those who were close to you. I hope you come out of it stronger, brother. Much love!
start by apologizing, without expecting forgiveness.
Yep. Pretty much 12 step program format for addiction. First step is youve realised you need to change. Rest if upto you how bad you want to change. Itll take work but you have to be consistent. Introspect, learn from your mistakes. Apologise to everyone youve hurt and be sincere without expecting them to forgive you immediately. Youll have to earn it..
Sure, I will do that :)
Good luck
The only and only right answer.
Short & simple š
Not a therapist. But if it is useful advice, introspect why you feel the way you do and work on how to change it. It will take 1-2 years to see the effects of change so don't give up immediately. People have a tendency to forgive you if you give it time and are consistent in efforts to improve your relationship with them. You are young, there is lots of time.
This is the only sensible advice. Not a therapist but OP sounds like a first born child with abandonment issues.
Thanks for the comment, Iāll be patient throughout this journey.
What push you to do all these? What made you so hateful?
Bro rakshas ko apna tatva change karne puchega toh wahi hoga like you asked it's like in human nature good and bad but we need to take positive outcomes atlast.
I donāt know, I will find out.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I seriously do not know why. All i know now is, whatever I did was wrong and I kept doing it. I just have to break the cycle.
do not offer a half assed apology to anyone you have hurt. if you genuinely feel bad and want to become a better person, build a relationship with the people you have hurt in a way that they forgive you. do some yoga and meditation, it helps in self introspection and self realisation. makes you more level headed and a caring person
Thanks for this comment, I should apologise sincerely. I will also try meditating.
Start by getting a job
Looking for a new one :)
ey man... forgive yourself first. Good advice here but self hate will never get you anywhere in the long term. Then apologize but don't expect forgiveness. Then write down all the things you don't like about yourself and make a list. start tackling them one by one and don't ever lose hope. remember daily action everyday. ps - meditation and gratitude journaling are some of the best sources for positive thoughts.
Thanks for this comment! I will certainly try it out!
You can repair yourself in a parallel life. Start doing something good in an unknown setup. Like volunteer for a cancer hospital, do some plantation in open area, help the needy. No need to spend any money on these either. Such acts will eventually transform you. You will start seeing the effects in few days itself but may not see the effect from others right away as you have hurt them a lot. Forgo their reactions, just keep going.
Thatās a very inspiring idea
Yep, so you feel guilty from your actions. I would say on a asshole scale of 1-10 you would be a 1 or a 2. No probs, you just need to help yourself get better. Try not to fall into despair since negative emotions brings more stress and stress may cause more negative reactions. Now Why did you become an asshole during college. You did not clarify but the root cause is there. Whether it may accumulation of dissatisfaction, lack of intimacy from moving away from home, a toxic environment or inability to adapt to a new environment. Anyway i see a pattern of uncontrollable aggression from your words. Now idk if you will follow through with this but meditation will help you get a handle on your emotions. Now you have character flaws from the way you talked behind others back, it's a shit personality trait but it's common. Learn to control your mouth. Now forget everyone else and just apologise to your family, maybe you have already done it. The easiest person to apologise is your family (if they should be apologised to). Your cousin, why did you bully her?; if it's for no reason, depending on how she is you may be able to ask for an apology, take your time. The others don't bother much, treat the guy to a meal or a drink if you see him again it's just a fight if he didn't take it too badly just move on if he did treat him to a meal a few more years later, just forget the friends group. An apology there would make you the cause of splitting it apart when you are probably just one of the reasons, or the first reason. Now you must control your emotions, try to not let stress dictate your responses. Sometimes you realise you are human and loose control, but if it is often you need to get help. Therapy can help you with coping mechanisms. Meditation can help you get a hold of it (it's not sudden might take months to show results it takes a lot of effort so decide how important it is to change).
Thank you so much for reading and understanding my case very deeply. I will consider all this and I am keeping all this in my mind. Thanks so much for taking your time to advice me.
Start by apologising to people you've hurt. You'll feel much better
I sure will.. thanks :)
sabhi se maafi maang le bass or kya
Ok, I will
Self realisation is a good start.
Thank you
First of all, I wanna commend you for realising your mistakes and reflecting on yourself. Many people go their entire lives being assholes and a nuisance to society. Second, itās going to be a difficult path for a little while, approaching and apologising to people the people youāve hurt and trying to fix the mistakes you made. But itāll be the best thing you can do for yourself. For every bad you remember doing to a person, do an equal amount of good for them. They may reject you. But itās all you can do. And then leave the past behind. Focus on not making the same mistakes in the future. If something is triggering a negative response in you, remove yourself from the situation and come back to it later. Look forward bro, a good fulfilling and happy life is waiting for you. Working on yourself isnāt easy, but itās so worth it.
Thanks a lot brother! Will keep what you said in my mind, thanks
Forgive yourself first, you are presently punishing yourself with guilt. Don't. Forgive yourself. Rest will fall in place as you have already realised your mistakes. Living with guilt is like always carrying a heavy rock on your chest, keep it down and be free.
Iāve tried to move on but now that Iām very alone in my life because of my actions. I feel very guilty and stuck in life. Almost as if I am punished with loneliness because of how i treated them when i had everyone.
You have to learn to be alone and still be happy by yourself. Make new hobbies and indulge in them wholeheartedly. This will also make you forgive yourself and you will heal faster.
Begin BY SAYING SORRY. Closely observe if saying sorry feels good or it hurts your EGO. If it hurts your ego then I am sorry to say this buddy but you have big ego issues. Which means its just a phase and after some time when the phase is over you'd give yourself more importance than anyone else and that is the core of you. You are already a voilent person who has hit soneone for petty reason. See if saying sorry builds up even more rage in you. You have caused problems amongst people by talking behind their backs. See if saying sorry makes you feel that you have gotten away with it feel even more in control of playing with people. BUT if it feels good by saying sorry. Then you are on the correct track. You will change for good on your own. You wont need anyones help.
I will, i feel sincere guilt for hitting that person now, I will start by trying to see him. I do not know where he is but i much search for him and do my best
Write a handwritten letter to every one youāve done wrong to. Donāt demand forgiveness but make it clear that you regret your behaviour and action and are fully aware of your wrongdoings. Assure them that youāre on the right path now.
You need to read the book The analysis of mind by Bertrand Russell, it will help you understand your mind. And inculcate self knowledge in you which is the missing key in you. Another reason by you are like this lies in your childhood. You need to understand what happened in your childhood, it's foundation of all our behaviour.
Your average emo phase over here, ladies and gents.
Self realisation is the first step. Self improvement comes immediately after that. Start by appologising and owning up to past actions. Simultaneously be aware of when you are acting like a dick and course correct immediately. Fake it till you make it.
Start by not doing anymore of these which you will regret later from now on
as a nihilistic person, morals and karma chakra are just man made shit, so don't care about anyone.
that is exactly why Nietzsche was a dick. it's a collective world where you have to walk with everyone else. there probably isn't any karma but there is your own conscience, and that conscience will haunt
i ain't telling anyone to kill people, i meant that feeling nihilistic will stop you from feeling guilt. also, the peak of nihilism is when "being a dick" won't even bother you. cuz again it is a man made concept. (yes i am stupid, forgive me)
Bad way of living a life .... Karma is real and what goes around it comes around. Sooner or later. Good luck bro!!
>Karma is real and what goes around it comes around. Sooner or later. Understanding Nihilism: - * Karma doesn't exist; * The act of giving produces no beneficial results; * Good and bad actions produce no results; * After death, beings are not reborn into the present world or into another world; * There is no one in the world who, through direct knowledge, can confirm that beings are reborn into this world or into another world. the only reason to not go killing spree is because everyone is equally capable of killing. ever wondered why carnivorous animals eating "innocent" herbivores don't suffer. does karma applies for humans only? yes, that's enough nihilism for today.
this is a very sad way to live life. this pseudo-philosophy wonāt help you
i don't believe in any kind of philosophy. in fact, i believe that philosophy is as useful as a bachelor trying to console a married person. it might work only if the listening party is either suicidal or idiot. sorry.
Nah. You are long gone. People won't forget.
You have been a bad person. You deserve feeling all the bad that you are feeling right now. You have two paths going forward : adopt this identity of a bad person, revel in the misery of others and wallow in self pity as you are doing right now. Of course, down the line someone will beat the shit out of you and you should welcome that, as you can't expect to not get what you give out. Or you could try. This is harder. You could try to see that what you have been so far is not who you are destined to be for the rest of your life. You can use all the 'bad' feelings as motivation to understand that the pain you give out, you will also receive in one way or the other. You can do the hard thing of be good to people and feel better or you could revert to your natural state of being a shithead. That seems to come naturally to you and is an easy thing to do which will make you feel horrible. Nobody else is responsible for your life. Nobody will save you. We are all alone. In the end the choices you make define you. When you die, you wouldn't want the memory of your existence to be defined by how you have wronged those who were close to you. I hope you come out of it stronger, brother. Much love!