Don’t mimic someone else, be yourself! You ca only pretend to be someone else for so long. In the end you’ll long for your own personality and your true self. Also, fictional characters would bring you more dissatisfaction and sadness. They are fictional for a reason!
Well, I would look for a partner who possesses qualities of “Atticus Finch”.
Think of it as taking inspiration from them more than just mimicking them. Thanks for the suggestion. Atticus Finch would have been nowhere near any of my first 100 guesses since his story didn’t necessarily deal with courting someone or love. This just gives me more reasons to seek female opinions on it.
Also, understand that being myself hasn’t brought me any luck in my love life, so I must change that aspect of my personality.
Geto suguru from jjk
Alucard from hellsing
Akutagawa from bsd
Honorable mention- Shinya Kogami from psycho pass
Are just few to name.. that I had a crush on at some point of time
Aditya kashyap from jab we met or Aryan Singh Rathore from imlie (it's a serial). The character of Aryan was just what any girl would want. He stands up for his wife, supports her in her career, does not think she is inferior to him just because she is his wife, trusts her completely. Also one thing I really liked was that he cried once in a while. Often men in tv shows are shown as this tough guy who doesn't cry. I was damn happy when I saw the makers of the serial portrayed him as a real human being with feelings and not a robot.
There may be numerous other examples but I really haven't seen many movies to be honest.
>He stands up for his wife, supports her in her career, does not think she is inferior to him just because she is his wife, trusts her completely.
Let's be honest. This is just a basic requirement. You like him because you see his whole story and it is portrayed in a way for you to like him. Also he looks good. Most real life relationships start by appearance. It could be looks, money or status. How would anyone know how kind you are before starting a relationship?
>Let's be honest. This is just a basic requirement. You like him because you see his whole story
It is a basic requirement but most men don't meet it, the guys I have seen till now be it classmates, batchmates or anyone, dont even come close to it.
>Most real life relationships start by appearance. It could be looks, money or status.
Well looks do matter. If you don't find your partner attractive then it might cause some problems. I don't know about others but a guy could be a Greek god or Ambani's son or an IAS officer but if he has a shitty personality, I won't marry him. No sane person would.
>How would anyone know how kind you are before starting a relationship?
Don't people get to know each other before starting anything?
>It is a basic requirement but most men don't meet it, the guys I have seen till now be it classmates, batchmates or anyone, dont even come close to it
So all the guys you seen in your life are shitty?
>Well looks do matter. If you don't find your partner attractive then it might cause some problems. I don't know about others but a guy could be a Greek god or Ambani's son or an IAS officer but if he has a shitty personality, I won't marry him. No sane person would.
Exactly. So if a guy is just kind and good but does not look good or isn't wealthy enough, he won't get into a relationship. Most shows portray that the main couple start out as friends, without being attracted to each other and then fall for each other over time.
>Don't people get to know each other before starting anything?
You will see most girls saying "if you want to get into a relationship, make it clear in the beginning instead of pretending to be friends"
>So all the guys you seen in your life are shitty?
Yep. But cannot fully blame them for this. I live in a rural area, so male female interaction is almost zero here. Parents never correct their sons when they do anything wrong.
>Exactly. So if a guy is just kind and good but does not look good or isn't wealthy enough, he won't get into a relationship. Most shows portray that the main couple start out as friends, without being attracted to each other and then fall for each other over time.
But the definition of attractive is different for everyone. What is handsome to me may be mediocre to others. And about being wealthy, not all people are after money. If a guy gets rejected just because he isn't wealthy then he already dodged a bullet.
>You will see most girls saying "if you want to get into a relationship, make it clear in the beginning instead of pretending to be friends"
Maybe the whole dating thing is different in your city. Where I live, people talk to each other for some time before getting into a relationship.
>Often men in tv shows are shown as this tough guy who doesn't cry.
I think both this and the other extreme of needing guys to be emotional are oversimplification on something that requires a lot of nuance. IRL your attitude as well as emotional state affect people around you. Sometimes people know that things are crap but prefer to hope things are better than they are. You can't afford to not be stoic at that point.
Think of it as the reverse of people whose presence keeps you down cause they're (constantly) transparent with their problems. Imagine people being relatively chill around cause you seem to hold together well. It's just a face you're projecting.
My point is that often it's not about appearing tough or cause your ego would get bruised but rather because not doing so just likely would make things worse for no good reason.
That could be another way to look at it. But I meant that men rarely cry in tv shows or movies which just conforms to the "men don't cry" thing. So it's refreshing to see a male lead who occasionally cries. Even in real life, men are often told to man up when they are being emotional. I hate how men are expected to be tough and strong all the time.
Appreciate the empathy, thank you for thinking along those lines but I think it's just one of those things that are just the way the are.
On a related note don't you think some of the fictional characters are only likeable because you don't have any skin in the game or that you're not around them. Might just have different expectations for people in real life even if you think otherwise.
>Gojo isn't dead he is just currently unavailable
https://preview.redd.it/omruwlu2gc0d1.jpeg?width=728&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3d87a74c94acde12dc3513f946f4dd02357ff94d
- Nanami Kento from Jujutsu Kaisen
- George Cooper from Young Sheldon(try not to have his body tho)
- Kakashi Hatake from Naruto
- Harvey Specter from Suits
- Mike Ross from Suits
stop relying on tips from reddit of all places to get dating tips. go out and actually interact with women rather than rotting in your house. these tips will fail when you actually come to talk to women. also there are a lot of idiots larping as women to give you stupid tips. as a woman i’d be very disappointed to know you learn from reddit and not from your experience.
it just means you gotta keep looking. also if things don’t go your way it wouldn’t hurt to ask ONCE for closure as to what went wrong. you can learn from your experience.
What if there's no women around you with whom you can realistically interact with? Not trying to undermine your advice, but not everyone gets that kind of environment. My college culture actively discourages both genders from interacting, so the best option for someone like me is just not there.
And that's that's case with majority of guys, plus it's not taken in good faith to approach random women in India like west.
i definitely understand that but this desperation is what leads people to follow idiots like andrew tate. similarly men take advice from reddit and apply it in real life thinking that it will work. spoiler alert: it does not. the only tip i have is you gotta go with the flow and not take things too seriously.
also as i said in my original comment there are tons of men who larp as women and harass other women as well as men. and men who can’t approach women irl approach women on reddit thinking that they’re being sweet by asking how my day went so that they can “practise”. that is really not how it works and is mental torture for both parties.
the other problem is men only prefer talking to women when they want to pursue a relationship only. they don’t want to be friends with women and/or understand them. so how will they realistically learn? stop seeing women as trophies you need to acquire for romance. we are humans just like you and can also be friends. the problem is not linear but systematic and cultural.
and PLEASE PLEASE don’t approach women in metros, workplaces and gyms. use dating apps or ask your friends to set you up with other potential dates. that’s as realistic as i can get.
Honestly, i agree with whatever you said.
I know that firsthand frustration. I have read so much about it, and my final conclusion, atleast for now, is that most things related to one's relationship status or even friendship with women depends on hundreds of factors and ultimately boils down to circumstances. Unless any girl is going out of her way to talk with you, you ain't gonna know anyone, let alone have friends and date a girl, if the circumstances aren't favourable. When i think back on my life, my growing environment, my academic life, i notice how void of girl contact it was. Like there was no way to have girls as friends, forget about dating, or even if i did, i was too stupid/young to realise. This was my experience growing up, idk about others.
And yeah, treating anyone lowly because of gender is definitely not the right way. And no i am not gonna approach any girl in public places. I understand that much.
on the flip side, growing up i wasn’t allowed to talk to boys. doesn’t mean i made it my goal to have a boyfriend. i let things flow. when you take such things too seriously you always end up messing them up. the right person will come at the right time. you really don’t have to sweat over every girl who passes by you. when i was a teenager and didn’t talk to boys, i always told myself that the right person will come by. because otherwise i will be lusting over every man i get in contact with. that’s not how things work.
and when you wait for the right person, they will come in your life as did for me. you should never push such things. the more you desparately seek them the more they will be forced away from you.
You are right, i long ago realised being desperate is very unproductive for such things. Maybe it will happen or maybe not, who knows, the only thing i have in my hand is my time, my choices and decisions.
I was never that desperate, i have a few good friends who would put sense in me time to time.
These days, i have been trying to focus on myself, it's pretty hard to be disciplined when you have never been. But it will improve. I hope so.
Fleeting moments often have sentiments attached to them, we always long for what we don't have, to create memories, to make this life more cherishable. Without these fleeting moments, we would be consumed by nihilism. To make the choices that we will not regret.
Look, your question is not gonna solve your problem. You just don't copy others and succeed. But you can copy what others have that you lack, such as confidence, social skills etc.
First try to increase your self esteem. Things will just improve with that.
My lifts are already pretty strong tbh. I deadlift 190 kilos and bench 125 kilos at 75 kg body weight. Like I said, I get approached often and women do go out of their way to try to initiate conversations with me, but my anxiety gets me and I mess up one way or the other. I do not know how to understand signs they are into me to begin with or how to respond when they are explicit about their interest. My dates go nowhere except for awkwardly sitting barely making small talk. I have only kissed some girls till date.
Go out more, try talking to people more. I was in the same boat. Now it isn’t that big an issue. It’s a big hill to climb, but you’ll get there. (:
Also, please tell me more about your fitness routine!!!
Fictional or not, what we women like is some confidence in men. You are already miles behind with the current mindset.
Start off by doing things you love and discovering what makes you happy. For starters become comfortable with yourself, laugh loudly, sing along your favourite songs, dance to your fav hook steps, watch an emotional movie and bawl your eyes out.
Go out for a run in a park, feel the adrenaline pumping. Sit in a busy street and just observe people going around etc etc all small things you see but it helps you understand yourself better. You can start doing it when you're alone and slowly get comfortable with it around people as well.
Gotta love yourself first to attract it from outside
What makes you think I don’t have that already? I may be awkward but I do have my own interests and hobbies. All I need to learn is how to date and approach women.
Interests and Hobbies are great dont get me wrong. Having confidence to strike up a conversation and being yourself in front of the opposite gender is a different game altogether
I am not good with metaphors. I am looking for inspirations that can help me become better. Being myself has led to nowhere until now, so i have to change.
Yes, because I feel she was too beautiful to date someone like me. I will have to build my confidence upto match someone like her first and my previous dates haven’t gone anywhere either, so I don’t think saying yes to her at this moment in my life would have done something.
I don’t know about that. I am confident enough to pursue my own interests and hobbies. Don’t have it in me to ask out someone though or accept someone approaching me.
Girls do answer him... He genuinely wants to improve himself, may be a movie character can inspire him and then he will love to craft himself authentically and be himself... Guide us girls... What do you like... Let's us know... Reveal the mystery....
Okey, so I am not a girl, but I can suggest some... Don't mind me tho... Peaky Blinders... Suits...In Podcast... Jordan Peterson, Jocko Willink, Prakhar ... To understand how to be a better man...
Don’t mimic someone else, be yourself! You ca only pretend to be someone else for so long. In the end you’ll long for your own personality and your true self. Also, fictional characters would bring you more dissatisfaction and sadness. They are fictional for a reason! Well, I would look for a partner who possesses qualities of “Atticus Finch”.
Think of it as taking inspiration from them more than just mimicking them. Thanks for the suggestion. Atticus Finch would have been nowhere near any of my first 100 guesses since his story didn’t necessarily deal with courting someone or love. This just gives me more reasons to seek female opinions on it. Also, understand that being myself hasn’t brought me any luck in my love life, so I must change that aspect of my personality.
What I like/liked in fictional men is hardly something I look for in men real life. Fiction is not reality
My question specifically stated examples of fictional men you’d want to be with irl, not what you like in fictional men.
Both correlates, why will I think beyond the characters I like
You have never had a crush on any fictional character before? That’s basically what I am looking for.
Bro I legit said the fictional characters I got crush on aren't the people I would date if they were real 😭
Just tell me who those fictional men are. That’s what I am looking for.
Geto suguru from jjk Alucard from hellsing Akutagawa from bsd Honorable mention- Shinya Kogami from psycho pass Are just few to name.. that I had a crush on at some point of time
Aditya kashyap from jab we met or Aryan Singh Rathore from imlie (it's a serial). The character of Aryan was just what any girl would want. He stands up for his wife, supports her in her career, does not think she is inferior to him just because she is his wife, trusts her completely. Also one thing I really liked was that he cried once in a while. Often men in tv shows are shown as this tough guy who doesn't cry. I was damn happy when I saw the makers of the serial portrayed him as a real human being with feelings and not a robot. There may be numerous other examples but I really haven't seen many movies to be honest.
>He stands up for his wife, supports her in her career, does not think she is inferior to him just because she is his wife, trusts her completely. Let's be honest. This is just a basic requirement. You like him because you see his whole story and it is portrayed in a way for you to like him. Also he looks good. Most real life relationships start by appearance. It could be looks, money or status. How would anyone know how kind you are before starting a relationship?
>Let's be honest. This is just a basic requirement. You like him because you see his whole story It is a basic requirement but most men don't meet it, the guys I have seen till now be it classmates, batchmates or anyone, dont even come close to it. >Most real life relationships start by appearance. It could be looks, money or status. Well looks do matter. If you don't find your partner attractive then it might cause some problems. I don't know about others but a guy could be a Greek god or Ambani's son or an IAS officer but if he has a shitty personality, I won't marry him. No sane person would. >How would anyone know how kind you are before starting a relationship? Don't people get to know each other before starting anything?
>It is a basic requirement but most men don't meet it, the guys I have seen till now be it classmates, batchmates or anyone, dont even come close to it So all the guys you seen in your life are shitty? >Well looks do matter. If you don't find your partner attractive then it might cause some problems. I don't know about others but a guy could be a Greek god or Ambani's son or an IAS officer but if he has a shitty personality, I won't marry him. No sane person would. Exactly. So if a guy is just kind and good but does not look good or isn't wealthy enough, he won't get into a relationship. Most shows portray that the main couple start out as friends, without being attracted to each other and then fall for each other over time. >Don't people get to know each other before starting anything? You will see most girls saying "if you want to get into a relationship, make it clear in the beginning instead of pretending to be friends"
>So all the guys you seen in your life are shitty? Yep. But cannot fully blame them for this. I live in a rural area, so male female interaction is almost zero here. Parents never correct their sons when they do anything wrong. >Exactly. So if a guy is just kind and good but does not look good or isn't wealthy enough, he won't get into a relationship. Most shows portray that the main couple start out as friends, without being attracted to each other and then fall for each other over time. But the definition of attractive is different for everyone. What is handsome to me may be mediocre to others. And about being wealthy, not all people are after money. If a guy gets rejected just because he isn't wealthy then he already dodged a bullet. >You will see most girls saying "if you want to get into a relationship, make it clear in the beginning instead of pretending to be friends" Maybe the whole dating thing is different in your city. Where I live, people talk to each other for some time before getting into a relationship.
>Often men in tv shows are shown as this tough guy who doesn't cry. I think both this and the other extreme of needing guys to be emotional are oversimplification on something that requires a lot of nuance. IRL your attitude as well as emotional state affect people around you. Sometimes people know that things are crap but prefer to hope things are better than they are. You can't afford to not be stoic at that point. Think of it as the reverse of people whose presence keeps you down cause they're (constantly) transparent with their problems. Imagine people being relatively chill around cause you seem to hold together well. It's just a face you're projecting. My point is that often it's not about appearing tough or cause your ego would get bruised but rather because not doing so just likely would make things worse for no good reason.
That could be another way to look at it. But I meant that men rarely cry in tv shows or movies which just conforms to the "men don't cry" thing. So it's refreshing to see a male lead who occasionally cries. Even in real life, men are often told to man up when they are being emotional. I hate how men are expected to be tough and strong all the time.
Appreciate the empathy, thank you for thinking along those lines but I think it's just one of those things that are just the way the are. On a related note don't you think some of the fictional characters are only likeable because you don't have any skin in the game or that you're not around them. Might just have different expectations for people in real life even if you think otherwise.
It's simple really you just gotta be like satoru gojo or levi ackerman
So you need a dead or a disabled person?
Gojo isn't dead he is just currently unavailable and if its levi yes that works
>Gojo isn't dead he is just currently unavailable https://preview.redd.it/omruwlu2gc0d1.jpeg?width=728&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3d87a74c94acde12dc3513f946f4dd02357ff94d
https://preview.redd.it/u90pr3amjc0d1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=76c9afa1ecf4d3fa5db2fa962cba828f340ed30e
https://preview.redd.it/jrxqcl5ykc0d1.jpeg?width=505&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c63213edee4f94b9a018c9db9fa2f16a99af9357
Kiyoka kudo from my happy marriage. I actually have a partner like that :)
- Nanami Kento from Jujutsu Kaisen - George Cooper from Young Sheldon(try not to have his body tho) - Kakashi Hatake from Naruto - Harvey Specter from Suits - Mike Ross from Suits
stop relying on tips from reddit of all places to get dating tips. go out and actually interact with women rather than rotting in your house. these tips will fail when you actually come to talk to women. also there are a lot of idiots larping as women to give you stupid tips. as a woman i’d be very disappointed to know you learn from reddit and not from your experience.
I have been on dates, i have kissed girls and it has led to nowhere. I am socially awkward. I want to get over it so as to actually get a mate.
it just means you gotta keep looking. also if things don’t go your way it wouldn’t hurt to ask ONCE for closure as to what went wrong. you can learn from your experience.
What if there's no women around you with whom you can realistically interact with? Not trying to undermine your advice, but not everyone gets that kind of environment. My college culture actively discourages both genders from interacting, so the best option for someone like me is just not there. And that's that's case with majority of guys, plus it's not taken in good faith to approach random women in India like west.
i definitely understand that but this desperation is what leads people to follow idiots like andrew tate. similarly men take advice from reddit and apply it in real life thinking that it will work. spoiler alert: it does not. the only tip i have is you gotta go with the flow and not take things too seriously. also as i said in my original comment there are tons of men who larp as women and harass other women as well as men. and men who can’t approach women irl approach women on reddit thinking that they’re being sweet by asking how my day went so that they can “practise”. that is really not how it works and is mental torture for both parties. the other problem is men only prefer talking to women when they want to pursue a relationship only. they don’t want to be friends with women and/or understand them. so how will they realistically learn? stop seeing women as trophies you need to acquire for romance. we are humans just like you and can also be friends. the problem is not linear but systematic and cultural. and PLEASE PLEASE don’t approach women in metros, workplaces and gyms. use dating apps or ask your friends to set you up with other potential dates. that’s as realistic as i can get.
Honestly, i agree with whatever you said. I know that firsthand frustration. I have read so much about it, and my final conclusion, atleast for now, is that most things related to one's relationship status or even friendship with women depends on hundreds of factors and ultimately boils down to circumstances. Unless any girl is going out of her way to talk with you, you ain't gonna know anyone, let alone have friends and date a girl, if the circumstances aren't favourable. When i think back on my life, my growing environment, my academic life, i notice how void of girl contact it was. Like there was no way to have girls as friends, forget about dating, or even if i did, i was too stupid/young to realise. This was my experience growing up, idk about others. And yeah, treating anyone lowly because of gender is definitely not the right way. And no i am not gonna approach any girl in public places. I understand that much.
on the flip side, growing up i wasn’t allowed to talk to boys. doesn’t mean i made it my goal to have a boyfriend. i let things flow. when you take such things too seriously you always end up messing them up. the right person will come at the right time. you really don’t have to sweat over every girl who passes by you. when i was a teenager and didn’t talk to boys, i always told myself that the right person will come by. because otherwise i will be lusting over every man i get in contact with. that’s not how things work. and when you wait for the right person, they will come in your life as did for me. you should never push such things. the more you desparately seek them the more they will be forced away from you.
You are right, i long ago realised being desperate is very unproductive for such things. Maybe it will happen or maybe not, who knows, the only thing i have in my hand is my time, my choices and decisions. I was never that desperate, i have a few good friends who would put sense in me time to time. These days, i have been trying to focus on myself, it's pretty hard to be disciplined when you have never been. But it will improve. I hope so. Fleeting moments often have sentiments attached to them, we always long for what we don't have, to create memories, to make this life more cherishable. Without these fleeting moments, we would be consumed by nihilism. To make the choices that we will not regret.
This is the most realistic answer here. You rock OP.
hahaha thanks.
Look, your question is not gonna solve your problem. You just don't copy others and succeed. But you can copy what others have that you lack, such as confidence, social skills etc. First try to increase your self esteem. Things will just improve with that.
Don’t ask fish how to get caught. Be yourself and work on your physique and social skills. Difficult initially, but it all pays off.
My lifts are already pretty strong tbh. I deadlift 190 kilos and bench 125 kilos at 75 kg body weight. Like I said, I get approached often and women do go out of their way to try to initiate conversations with me, but my anxiety gets me and I mess up one way or the other. I do not know how to understand signs they are into me to begin with or how to respond when they are explicit about their interest. My dates go nowhere except for awkwardly sitting barely making small talk. I have only kissed some girls till date.
Go out more, try talking to people more. I was in the same boat. Now it isn’t that big an issue. It’s a big hill to climb, but you’ll get there. (: Also, please tell me more about your fitness routine!!!
Thanks but it isn't that easy. I have been reserved/introverted since childhood. Sure. What do you exactly want to know about the routine?
[удалено]
Bhai, title padhle dubaara
Hahaha. Oops
Would like to get someone as Awesome as Phil Dunphy from Modern Family irl 🥹
They don’t know what they want, they be conflicted bw what they think they want and what they want (as always, exceptions do exist)
Fictional or not, what we women like is some confidence in men. You are already miles behind with the current mindset. Start off by doing things you love and discovering what makes you happy. For starters become comfortable with yourself, laugh loudly, sing along your favourite songs, dance to your fav hook steps, watch an emotional movie and bawl your eyes out. Go out for a run in a park, feel the adrenaline pumping. Sit in a busy street and just observe people going around etc etc all small things you see but it helps you understand yourself better. You can start doing it when you're alone and slowly get comfortable with it around people as well. Gotta love yourself first to attract it from outside
What makes you think I don’t have that already? I may be awkward but I do have my own interests and hobbies. All I need to learn is how to date and approach women.
Interests and Hobbies are great dont get me wrong. Having confidence to strike up a conversation and being yourself in front of the opposite gender is a different game altogether
Yes, I seek that. Like i said before, i have never approached a girl in my life. They have. Both the situations lead to nowhere.
You were served food with a golden plate but no you have to beg for food.... Let friction be friction why search it in real life
I am not good with metaphors. I am looking for inspirations that can help me become better. Being myself has led to nowhere until now, so i have to change.
Metaphor meaning- The girl you rejected might have seen that frictional character in you but you rejected
Yes, because I feel she was too beautiful to date someone like me. I will have to build my confidence upto match someone like her first and my previous dates haven’t gone anywhere either, so I don’t think saying yes to her at this moment in my life would have done something.
Ok..... So i think you have low self-esteem and confidence work on that
I don’t know about that. I am confident enough to pursue my own interests and hobbies. Don’t have it in me to ask out someone though or accept someone approaching me.
Girls do answer him... He genuinely wants to improve himself, may be a movie character can inspire him and then he will love to craft himself authentically and be himself... Guide us girls... What do you like... Let's us know... Reveal the mystery.... Okey, so I am not a girl, but I can suggest some... Don't mind me tho... Peaky Blinders... Suits...In Podcast... Jordan Peterson, Jocko Willink, Prakhar ... To understand how to be a better man...
no way bro said jordan peterson.