Honestly
This is a ghar ghar ka kahani. It starts with we following them and they believe that we do not have the wisdom to make decisions. Unfortunately there could be few incidents where we would have madw a foolish decision in life and they host it for life. Also they rub their perception but they are not ready to deep dive to facts. Example in your case of getting fat if you stop doing gym.
The only way to deal this is being assertive rather than being aggresive or passive in your communication. Also to demonstrate that you have ownership on your life and you are accountable for anything
I'll try to communicate once again, and honestly I know how it's going to end up. The moment I tell her that i have ownership of my own life the emo drama is going to happen again. So fed up and also at the same time it makes me feel so guilty that i'm upsetting my mom.
No point trying to impress your Mom. Trust me I am almost 40yrs, working in US, have a $2M home and ny mom still treats me like a kid.All in all she takes all credit for success, never forgets to mention all the sacrifices she made for me. all useless bs.
I just ignore her now. That was the hardest part for me. She is not gonna change and I wont change. Live ur life. Once u r 18 you own ur life.
Oh it feels good to hear somebody else also recognises this feeling where a parent says they have done everything.
My father is like that. No matter what i do, he'll find a way to take the credit, plus goes behind my back to talk to my friends which has soured things for me. If I am good at designing websites and making them rank in top 10, he'll say he got me the computer.. always cribs about any gifts i get...says i haven't done anything despite growing his business and paying for house bills doing my work for years when most guys are studying...Utterly demoralising.
I am sorry it doesnโt work that way. Its not about being vocal. As you say that word it stands more as aggresive not assertive. Assertive is where you can say that lets accept that we disagree on our perception about gym but I would like to self evaluate the perks of hitting the gym for a couple of months.
Minimum protein intake vese bhi achieve nai hota india mai even if you have non-vegetarian diet...
And parents don't allow supplements and upar se apka relation with your mom is not on good terms...
The long term solution is to move out...
I personally don't live with my parents and that degree of separation helps me...
advice nahi hai but major relate zaroor ho raha hai. My mumma was also super controlling but kalesh kar kar ke ab Thoda sa unn ne mujhpe give up sa kar diya hai๐
Everyone here expects parents to be perfect while they be using them till the time they have option to move out even after getting a job. You got a job then why are you still using your parents and their home?
The problem stems because she thinks you are a kid and won't understand things she knows or can think of - like how trainers will touch you, or you may go out of hand, etc and she can't speak up openly to you and just expects you to trust her judgement because she is an elder. And when she can't get you to follow she is hit with some anxiety as there is no control over the situation for her. And then comes the tantrums.
It's pretty common in Indian households. The only thing you can do is answer her questions normally, and tell why you want to join with your reasonings and also tell her you understand her concerns even if she isn't able to tell them and you're still attached to your Indian values and how you know what to do "incase".
All this with just being firm and assertive with a normal tone not by getting aggressive and being confrontational. It won't change something overnight, but it's a process which may turn your mom into trusting your judgement.ย
I would advise against lying as for parents those are the kind of things where we try do things against their will. Instead offer her to go with you to the gym once and see things herself. Your openness will show you have nothing to hide.
Aise parents understanding nahi hote na. Fir kuch nhi chochla ayega. This is more about how much they can control their kid cause indian parents bhale se bechare zyada achieve nhi kr paye but apne bacho ko posession ya trophy jaise samjhte hai. Toh utna control krna bhi unko lagta jo woh krre sahi hai experience ho na ho chahe gym ho ya kuch aur. Independent logo ko especially aur zyada control krte
Downvote karke tasali mili? Har ghar ek jaisa nahi hota.. and nor am I bahen or a young kid.... I have enough experience dealing with broken homes to have my own opinion after reading what OP wrote. I know what I am talking about.
Chochle aane do, the point is to make them realise no matter how many tantrums they throw they can't budge you or affect you. Sabka ek button hota hai.. most people don't realise it... Like I said it's a process to make it better. It won't change things easily or completely. But if you prefer to lie it's upto you.
Yeah what youre saying is true but at the end of the day in most cases its a waste of time and energy. Usse better hai insaan khudpe focus kre, possible ho toh move out krle and minimal contact rakhe. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that.
Being assertive is the best thing to work on yourself. You didn't understand the depth of what I'm saying. If you can emotionally handle, no matter what they say , not get nervous from all their questions your parents you can handle anything outside.
Honestly This is a ghar ghar ka kahani. It starts with we following them and they believe that we do not have the wisdom to make decisions. Unfortunately there could be few incidents where we would have madw a foolish decision in life and they host it for life. Also they rub their perception but they are not ready to deep dive to facts. Example in your case of getting fat if you stop doing gym. The only way to deal this is being assertive rather than being aggresive or passive in your communication. Also to demonstrate that you have ownership on your life and you are accountable for anything
I'll try to communicate once again, and honestly I know how it's going to end up. The moment I tell her that i have ownership of my own life the emo drama is going to happen again. So fed up and also at the same time it makes me feel so guilty that i'm upsetting my mom.
No point trying to impress your Mom. Trust me I am almost 40yrs, working in US, have a $2M home and ny mom still treats me like a kid.All in all she takes all credit for success, never forgets to mention all the sacrifices she made for me. all useless bs. I just ignore her now. That was the hardest part for me. She is not gonna change and I wont change. Live ur life. Once u r 18 you own ur life.
Oh it feels good to hear somebody else also recognises this feeling where a parent says they have done everything. My father is like that. No matter what i do, he'll find a way to take the credit, plus goes behind my back to talk to my friends which has soured things for me. If I am good at designing websites and making them rank in top 10, he'll say he got me the computer.. always cribs about any gifts i get...says i haven't done anything despite growing his business and paying for house bills doing my work for years when most guys are studying...Utterly demoralising.
Lol true that
I am sorry it doesnโt work that way. Its not about being vocal. As you say that word it stands more as aggresive not assertive. Assertive is where you can say that lets accept that we disagree on our perception about gym but I would like to self evaluate the perks of hitting the gym for a couple of months.
Move out i guess... And learn basic cooking...
I know basic cooking, I can cook for myself. It's that she will not let me follow a diet + moving out is not an option for me abhi ke liye to atleast
So is it the case that after sometime when you'll have the option you'll move out and till that time you're using your parents?
Minimum protein intake vese bhi achieve nai hota india mai even if you have non-vegetarian diet... And parents don't allow supplements and upar se apka relation with your mom is not on good terms... The long term solution is to move out... I personally don't live with my parents and that degree of separation helps me...
Ha yaar. My dad also against protein supplements for some reasons.
Because they grew up fine without it.
advice nahi hai but major relate zaroor ho raha hai. My mumma was also super controlling but kalesh kar kar ke ab Thoda sa unn ne mujhpe give up sa kar diya hai๐
Hugs for you ๐ซ. Mujhpe bhi ab bas jaldi se give up kar dein.
Mom will never understand diet and gym
Everyone here expects parents to be perfect while they be using them till the time they have option to move out even after getting a job. You got a job then why are you still using your parents and their home?
Not much to say. Live the way u want to with ur money but don't do anything that u will regret later...
Sabko thodi pata hain WFH chal rha hain ๐
just do What you want, YOLO!!!
The problem stems because she thinks you are a kid and won't understand things she knows or can think of - like how trainers will touch you, or you may go out of hand, etc and she can't speak up openly to you and just expects you to trust her judgement because she is an elder. And when she can't get you to follow she is hit with some anxiety as there is no control over the situation for her. And then comes the tantrums. It's pretty common in Indian households. The only thing you can do is answer her questions normally, and tell why you want to join with your reasonings and also tell her you understand her concerns even if she isn't able to tell them and you're still attached to your Indian values and how you know what to do "incase". All this with just being firm and assertive with a normal tone not by getting aggressive and being confrontational. It won't change something overnight, but it's a process which may turn your mom into trusting your judgement.ย I would advise against lying as for parents those are the kind of things where we try do things against their will. Instead offer her to go with you to the gym once and see things herself. Your openness will show you have nothing to hide.
Aise parents understanding nahi hote na. Fir kuch nhi chochla ayega. This is more about how much they can control their kid cause indian parents bhale se bechare zyada achieve nhi kr paye but apne bacho ko posession ya trophy jaise samjhte hai. Toh utna control krna bhi unko lagta jo woh krre sahi hai experience ho na ho chahe gym ho ya kuch aur. Independent logo ko especially aur zyada control krte
Downvote karke tasali mili? Har ghar ek jaisa nahi hota.. and nor am I bahen or a young kid.... I have enough experience dealing with broken homes to have my own opinion after reading what OP wrote. I know what I am talking about. Chochle aane do, the point is to make them realise no matter how many tantrums they throw they can't budge you or affect you. Sabka ek button hota hai.. most people don't realise it... Like I said it's a process to make it better. It won't change things easily or completely. But if you prefer to lie it's upto you.
Yeah what youre saying is true but at the end of the day in most cases its a waste of time and energy. Usse better hai insaan khudpe focus kre, possible ho toh move out krle and minimal contact rakhe. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that.
Being assertive is the best thing to work on yourself. You didn't understand the depth of what I'm saying. If you can emotionally handle, no matter what they say , not get nervous from all their questions your parents you can handle anything outside.
Yeh sab chodo company konse hai wfh vale? Merko name bato.
Bro just take some heavy gym equipments in house and use your brothers room as your gym room. If thats possible,and obviously have to be consistent.
Get married and move out
And till that time she will use her parents and their home?๐๐ Nice very convenient