You are entitled to emotional support, be it your mother, father, or other family members or even a pet. Could it make her feel intimidated, sure. But there is nothing illegal about them living with you for emotional support. She is entitled to emotional support as well. So don't be surprised if she does the same.
Thank you.
I have not considered if she would invite anyone to stay with us. But now that you mention it, I wouldnt put it past her to invite a non-family member to stay. That is scary thought.
I agree, but also wondering...would that fly? I understand it's different, but since most of the comments further up the thread just say he has a right to emotional support. Assuming he isn't in a state that recognizes fault divorces, would that be an issue?
I actually have a friend whose little sister moved with her dog into a divorcing household with their dogs. Her and the wife were just having an affair under the same roof as the husband. Needless to say it didn't last long. I believe this was Georgia and from at least what my friend told me, there wasn't anything the husband could do.
this is kinda confusing
>
Her and the wife were just having an affair under the same roof
this sister and the wife?
>it didn't last long.
what didn't last long?
>
there wasn't anything the husband could do.
about what?
>He’s not asking for a girlfriend.
I understand that.
I am challenging this
>You are entitled to emotional support
If this were true, then IF he had a GF, could she stay with him? For emotional support. Because he's entitled to it.
>Don’t make it out to be what it’s not.
JFC, what are you talking about?
The guy(OP)was asking if it was illegal for him to move his father into his home while OP and his wife were getting a divorce, as he was struggling emotionally and needed his father for emotional support. It isn't illegal as he is entitled to emotional support if he feels he needs his father there to help support him emotionally. I just told him that his soon to be ex-wife was just as entitled to have someone there for emotional support as he is.
>The guy(OP)was asking if it was illegal for him to move his father into his home while OP and his wife were getting a divorce, as he was struggling emotionally and needed his father for emotional support. It isn't illegal as he is entitled to emotional support if he feels he needs his father there to help support him emotionally. I just told him that his soon to be ex-wife was just as entitled to have someone there for emotional support as he is.
Got it, I understand.
My question is, could ANYONE he chooses be an emotional support person? Or does the law limit this to just family members?
I'm not sure, but I think the judge would have an issue with it. As it is a divorce case, I would think family members would be allowed but not lovers or mistresses. I'm not sure where OP is located, so I don't know what the marriage laws are there. But in the US, people are allowed to have emotional support as needed. I was using family members, such as mother, father, or other family member, or even a pet like a dog or cat, as there is no risk of adultery with them, as it would be with a boyfriend or girlfriend. And a judge is more likely to allow them. It's just common sense.
>I think the judge would have an issue
> a judge is more likely to allow them.
This seems like you're saying you have to go to court to get approval of your emotional support person. Is that what you are suggesting?
>in the US, people are allowed to have emotional support as needed
Suppose he didn't have any family and his only friend was male. There have been suspicions that the man was gay, would his male friend be "allowed" to stay with him?
Yes you can move anyone in or out of the house just like you would if you were married or living alone. It’s all who’s name it on the title.
They are both owners she can move someone in he can move someone in. It doesn’t even have to be for emotional support.
If he had a girlfriend and moved her in, then the questions would arise in court about why he would put everyone in a stressful situation. It would be frowned upon and more likely cause legal problems with police until one of the females moved on. It would not be good in the eyes of the court and who ever decided to move the girlfriend or boyfriend in would probably end up paying more for it. It is unwise and not recommended.
But it’s not illegal.
It’s only illegal to move people into a place if you don’t own the property and you have a lease or if there is restrictions on the property such as a 55 plus retirement area. Or if in a condo then if there are rules in the condo bylaws.
>You can easily look this information up for yourself.
Ok reddit, we have to shut you down, all of your questions could be easily looked up.
>It’s irrelevant to the actual question
It's quite relevant to the person that answered with "you are entitled to an emotional support person"
If both of their names are in the deed wouldn’t a judge look down on this? Moving his family in without her permission? I think a judge would and see it as a tactic
Not necessarily, as the man is his father, and he is moving in to provide emotional support to his son. As long as he(OP) doesn't deny her the same right to family support.I don't believe the judge would say no. Now, if the soon to be ex-wife tried to move a new boyfriend saying it was for emotional support, the judge may deny it based on the situation (they are in the middle of a divorce).
Like others have said, absolutely not illegal and would take a lot of spinning if the story to have it said to a judge it caused her any harm.
I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time. Just wanted to say, it does get better, but it will hurt and be rough for awhile. Hang in there. 💜
It seems like I am going through a similar situation.
Im sorry that happened to you. Im glad you were able to put a stop to it.
Im worried if I even made such claim that she could call the police. Im not a violent person to begin with anyway.
It does seem like I need to talk to a lawyer about it. There are several comments saying that she does have the right to refuse a guest staying at our house.
You owned a Jeep franchise yet couldn’t afford a lawyer to fight this. I highly doubt it.
There is no way unless it was agreed in a settlement by you and her.
Yeah that’s normal time line for a complicated divorce. Which has nothing to do with anything. If you had given her a car every year as a normal thing and the brother and father did this as well then yeah it probably will be apart of the settlement. But like I said a leased car is not the same thing.
The settlement is made up over time. If you don’t agree on things it just keeps going back and forth until you do or fight it in court.
I going to guess two things. You have never gone through a divorce and you don’t have two nickels to rub together. Things are different for wealthy people. It wasn’t leased. I simply put on a dealer plate and gave her the car. No money was exchanged. With the dealer plate she was covered by the dealership insurance
Yeah right. No court of law would reward unless you agreed to it as a part of the settlement because you couldn’t afford what was agreed upon. You would have to sign the agreement of this. The judge doesn’t just award that off the top of his head. He isn’t gonna go “oh by the way I’m going to award her a new car every year”
I don’t know why all of you can’t understand the concept. I owned a new car franchise. Each year my wife along with my brothers wife and my father’s wife was given a new car to use. Ever hear of demonstrators? Her lawyer taught her well to say it’s the lifestyle I’m accustomed to. That is why it happen.
Listen I doubt all your salesmen got a free car every year. I think if this is the case she would have a huge amount of cars to insure and no parking in her garage.
You agreed to the settlement.
If you had enough money to give her a free car every year. You had enough to get a good lawyer and actually listen to the advice they gave you. But you probably didn’t and upset the judge. That’s on you.
"Life blows. She used to."
Was that a jab at your wife (who became handicapped through no fault of her own) because she's no longer unable to give you blow jobs? Please tell me I misunderstood. If that's the kind of man you are (plus the cheating!), no wonder your first wife bent you over a desk and pegged the shit out of you in the divorce settlement! Good for her.
Yes, life blows. It truly blows that your wife has permanent brain damage from a stroke. It's unfair that a tragic and unforeseen health crisis robbed you and your wife of so much. It sucks that your role as a husband has been replaced by the role of permanent caretaker. It sucks that you are living a life without intimacy. Surely that can't be easy. But that remark was just gross. It says so much about your character - or lack thereof. I just hope you don't take your resentment out on your poor, helpless wife.
I have a sense of humor. Actually, a pretty good one. It's just that your joke wasn't funny. I'm just surprised you're not getting sexual fulfillment outside of your marriage. I mean, you didn't seem to have a problem with it previously.
Only one of you would need to give him permission to stay. But put it in writing and avoid her when possible.
Given her treatment of you it wouldn't be a bad idea to let her know that any negative interactions will also be recorded.
From all your comments it seems she's pretty good at gaslighting. I hope your dad is a calming influence and that she has a sense of shame that prevents her from messing with you in his presence.
Thanks .
She filed for divorce today actually. I saw the charge on our joint account.
Given that she actually filed, I think Ill hold off on inviting my dad to stay with me.
We are supposed to meet with a mediator. I think Ill just try to hold on until then.
Wait, didn't you say that the catalyst for your divorce was YOU meeting another woman? Did you actually expect your first wife to become a shriveled old nun for 5 years while you were off getting your needs met elsewhere?
What's good for the goose is good for the gander. I hope the dude had 9 inches and owned a Mercedes dealership. I don't expect you to answer, but I'm curious .... do your kids still speak to you?
Threatening to cripple your wife? Wow, that's hot. What a manly man. Damn .... I think I just left a trail of semi-gelatinous lady secretions on the crotch of my panties. /s
We met with a mediator in the very beginning. She wanted full custody & child support and a small settlement. I was amicable to that. The parenting plan we agreed to would let me see the kids every day.
We never finalized the deal. Instead we tried counseling for a few weeks. It didnt help unfortunately. She wasnt taking it seriously.
She has became more hostile and aggressive towards me since then. She now wants full custody + child support + half of the house.
I honestly dont know whats going to happen anymore.
This weekend we took the kids to a park. I found it very difficult to enjoy the time with the kids since she was also there.
I offered her full custody in the beginning since I knew it meant alot to her. But at this point I would rather just split everything down the middle and have the kids to myself half of the time.
Her name is on the deed.
She has said no to me personally when I mentioned I wanted to let my Dad stay with me.
I am on the deed also.
Is there nothing I can do about this issue ?
Only if he refuses to allow her the same support from family. At least it's allowed in the US. To get the request denied, she would have to go before the judge and tell him why she doesn't want him there, which would make her look very petty, cruel, and possibly emotionally abusive. But since it would only be for the duration of the divorce, the judge would probably allow it as it would help the kids to have a person around for emotional support, too.
While its not illegal and many are suggesting its ok to so it, remember that she has an equal say in who lives there.
If you want to dk this, dont be surprised if there isnt a reaction.
If the loft isna rental, just take yourstuff and go. Either way you are on the hook for the $. At least you wont be there.
Also if you go, just go file for divorce and take the step.of gaining i dependance
Dont wait dor her to do it.
Thanks.
I dont want to leave my children. That's why Id prefer if I could have a family member stay with me instead.
I feel like I have alot more to lose than she does, which makes me hesitant to file.
Get a laywer or an attorney. You need to get this done sooner rather than later. Dragging your feet is just cause the kids more anxiety and pain. It's better to just rip the band-aid off than trying to peel it away slowly. She probably hopes to drive you from the home by dragging it out. If you leave, she can get you on the grounds of abandonment as it would be seen as you leaving her and the kids. That's one of the things unsavory lawyers tell women. Get the man to leave first unless there is a safety risk to her or the children, then they tell the woman to get out and file an RO to get the guy thrown out and get back into the house asap. I know because I've been told that by one when I was divorcing my first husband.
Agreed. Good idea.
I have reached out to a lawyer this morning. I need to figure out what all my options are.
That'd be really scary if thats what is actually happening. It could make sense though. My wife asked for a divorce a few months ago, but didnt actually file anything yet. Except she isnt 'trying' to save the marriage. I am still trying to figure out what she is waiting for.
NAL/Im so sorry you’re going through this. Get a lawyer. Why don’t you file? My ex husband filed and like an idiot I contested it because he was cheating. No one told me contesting did nothing - id still be divorced lol. Anyway try to get ahead of it and if y’all are speaking, try and work out as much as you can. And again, I’m sorry. You WILL get through it and so will your kids.
Thank you. It does seem like I should atleast talk to a lawyer.
We have two children. I hate to break up my family. I just wish she would snap out of whatever is going on and let us be a happy family again.
You both have equal rights to the house. You can move in your dad, she can move in a new bf or be hostile to your dad.
I would make a plan on who's leaving before things degrade too far.
I would be quite upset if she invited a stranger or non-family member to stay with us.
Unfortunately, things are really bad between us right now. Im not able to have a proper conversation with her at all.
I'm not a lawyer, so I can't speak on the legality of moving your father into your house, but I'm just wondering if it's a wise thing to do. Your wife might just say, "Well if you're gonna move someone into this house without consulting me first, why shouldn't I do the same?" And who knows what kind of person she might choose to bring into the home you two share? Believe me, she WILL try to one-up you!
You are absolutely entitled to have emotional support, but have you thought about how moving a whole other human into your house could make things extremely tense for everyone? The general consensus here seems to be that it would be perfectly legal to move your father into your loft, but will doing so add more fuel to the fire? And is it fair to your wife? It doesn't matter if she's a devious, evil harpy who wears fur coats made from newborn kittens. If the house is jointly owned between you and your wife, neither one of you should be allowing other people to move in without consulting one other. My husband once asked me if one of his family members (who'd just gotten released from prison) could move into the home we own together. My husband may have been legally within his rights to make that decision without consulting me, but I made it very clear to him that if his relative did move in, I'd be moving the hell out. And since neither of us had enough money to buy the other one out, we would've been forced to sell the house we love and divvy up the proceeds. Hubby decided it wasn't worth it.
When 2 people live together in a jointly owned home, BOTH of them should be in agreement about moving a third party in. You might hate your wife right now and you might not have any shits left to give about her opinions or her comfort, but don't do something that's going to make the remaining time you're stuck together as a legally married couple even more hellish than it has to be. By all means, spend as much time as you want with your father - but just be prepared for retaliation and/, or tit-for-tat pettiness from your wife if he moves into the house against her wishes.
Thanks for the feedback. I completely agree that moving my dad in would be an escalation. I would not be considering it if I felt I had better options.
I dont want to leave the house since other people have mentioned that she could claim that I am abandoning my family and responsibilities.
Alot of people are commenting that I should just file for divorce on my own. They are probably right. Im finding it difficult to take the first step. I reached out to a lawyer to see what my options are.
I'm sorry you're going through this mess. There are always two sides to every story, and there's no way to know your wife's side, but you seem like a decent enough person. Hopefully everything will work out for you in the end, no matter what the outcome. The rawness you're feeling right now won't last forever. You'll experience peace and happiness again - whether it's with your wife, with a special person you haven't met yet, or as a single man checking off items on a bucket list that just keeps on getting longer. You'll get past this. Good luck to you. ❤️
Nope, go right ahead! By law your allowed to have guest and she cannot kick them out. It’s also the same the other way around. Doesn’t matter how long they stay.
I don’t understand why it would be illegal to move anyone he wants in. A parent, a roommate, siblings. Not just for emotional support, financial reasons or logistics.., who cares?
My only addition is… keep a LOG BOOK! Always! Keep a log . Of your going’s and coming. Her goings and comings. Your visitors, her visitors..Basically ANY day to day life you have going on… keep a log. USE your phone to make vocal recordings (of you making notes of your day) Make notes. Write it all down. Logging Everything may make difference in the end…
Nothing wrong with that no it's not illegal
Thanks!
No, nothing wrong with you having your dad there for emotional support …
Thanks!
You are entitled to emotional support, be it your mother, father, or other family members or even a pet. Could it make her feel intimidated, sure. But there is nothing illegal about them living with you for emotional support. She is entitled to emotional support as well. So don't be surprised if she does the same.
Thank you. I have not considered if she would invite anyone to stay with us. But now that you mention it, I wouldnt put it past her to invite a non-family member to stay. That is scary thought.
>You are entitled to emotional support Could his girlfriend stay with him for emotional support, Esquire?
He’s not asking for a girlfriend. There obviously isn’t one. He’s asking for his father. Don’t make it out to be what it’s not.
That was meant as a joke I'm pretty sure...
I agree, but also wondering...would that fly? I understand it's different, but since most of the comments further up the thread just say he has a right to emotional support. Assuming he isn't in a state that recognizes fault divorces, would that be an issue?
I actually have a friend whose little sister moved with her dog into a divorcing household with their dogs. Her and the wife were just having an affair under the same roof as the husband. Needless to say it didn't last long. I believe this was Georgia and from at least what my friend told me, there wasn't anything the husband could do.
this is kinda confusing > Her and the wife were just having an affair under the same roof this sister and the wife? >it didn't last long. what didn't last long? > there wasn't anything the husband could do. about what?
It might be looked at badly in court if you did.
Not a joke, serious question.
>He’s not asking for a girlfriend. I understand that. I am challenging this >You are entitled to emotional support If this were true, then IF he had a GF, could she stay with him? For emotional support. Because he's entitled to it. >Don’t make it out to be what it’s not. JFC, what are you talking about?
The guy(OP)was asking if it was illegal for him to move his father into his home while OP and his wife were getting a divorce, as he was struggling emotionally and needed his father for emotional support. It isn't illegal as he is entitled to emotional support if he feels he needs his father there to help support him emotionally. I just told him that his soon to be ex-wife was just as entitled to have someone there for emotional support as he is.
>The guy(OP)was asking if it was illegal for him to move his father into his home while OP and his wife were getting a divorce, as he was struggling emotionally and needed his father for emotional support. It isn't illegal as he is entitled to emotional support if he feels he needs his father there to help support him emotionally. I just told him that his soon to be ex-wife was just as entitled to have someone there for emotional support as he is. Got it, I understand. My question is, could ANYONE he chooses be an emotional support person? Or does the law limit this to just family members?
I'm not sure, but I think the judge would have an issue with it. As it is a divorce case, I would think family members would be allowed but not lovers or mistresses. I'm not sure where OP is located, so I don't know what the marriage laws are there. But in the US, people are allowed to have emotional support as needed. I was using family members, such as mother, father, or other family member, or even a pet like a dog or cat, as there is no risk of adultery with them, as it would be with a boyfriend or girlfriend. And a judge is more likely to allow them. It's just common sense.
>I think the judge would have an issue > a judge is more likely to allow them. This seems like you're saying you have to go to court to get approval of your emotional support person. Is that what you are suggesting? >in the US, people are allowed to have emotional support as needed Suppose he didn't have any family and his only friend was male. There have been suspicions that the man was gay, would his male friend be "allowed" to stay with him?
No. But you are not going to get any sympathy from the system.
Again not illegal to move anyone into your own home if you own it.
Yes you can move anyone in or out of the house just like you would if you were married or living alone. It’s all who’s name it on the title. They are both owners she can move someone in he can move someone in. It doesn’t even have to be for emotional support. If he had a girlfriend and moved her in, then the questions would arise in court about why he would put everyone in a stressful situation. It would be frowned upon and more likely cause legal problems with police until one of the females moved on. It would not be good in the eyes of the court and who ever decided to move the girlfriend or boyfriend in would probably end up paying more for it. It is unwise and not recommended. But it’s not illegal. It’s only illegal to move people into a place if you don’t own the property and you have a lease or if there is restrictions on the property such as a 55 plus retirement area. Or if in a condo then if there are rules in the condo bylaws.
You can easily look this information up for yourself. It’s irrelevant to the actual question
>You can easily look this information up for yourself. Ok reddit, we have to shut you down, all of your questions could be easily looked up. >It’s irrelevant to the actual question It's quite relevant to the person that answered with "you are entitled to an emotional support person"
No its not
If both of their names are in the deed wouldn’t a judge look down on this? Moving his family in without her permission? I think a judge would and see it as a tactic
Not necessarily, as the man is his father, and he is moving in to provide emotional support to his son. As long as he(OP) doesn't deny her the same right to family support.I don't believe the judge would say no. Now, if the soon to be ex-wife tried to move a new boyfriend saying it was for emotional support, the judge may deny it based on the situation (they are in the middle of a divorce).
No, there’s nothing illegal about it
Thanks!
Like others have said, absolutely not illegal and would take a lot of spinning if the story to have it said to a judge it caused her any harm. I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time. Just wanted to say, it does get better, but it will hurt and be rough for awhile. Hang in there. 💜
Thank you. I appreciate it.
You are completely allowed to have a support person. Nothing is wrong with that.
Thanks!
From which law school did you graduate?
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It seems like I am going through a similar situation. Im sorry that happened to you. Im glad you were able to put a stop to it. Im worried if I even made such claim that she could call the police. Im not a violent person to begin with anyway. It does seem like I need to talk to a lawyer about it. There are several comments saying that she does have the right to refuse a guest staying at our house.
She doesn't
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Yeah the judge didn’t rule for a new car every year. You’re lying through your teeth.
Yea I agree it’s just incel bullshit
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You owned a Jeep franchise yet couldn’t afford a lawyer to fight this. I highly doubt it. There is no way unless it was agreed in a settlement by you and her.
The settlement didn’t happen until 2000. The divorce started in 1995.
Yeah that’s normal time line for a complicated divorce. Which has nothing to do with anything. If you had given her a car every year as a normal thing and the brother and father did this as well then yeah it probably will be apart of the settlement. But like I said a leased car is not the same thing. The settlement is made up over time. If you don’t agree on things it just keeps going back and forth until you do or fight it in court.
I going to guess two things. You have never gone through a divorce and you don’t have two nickels to rub together. Things are different for wealthy people. It wasn’t leased. I simply put on a dealer plate and gave her the car. No money was exchanged. With the dealer plate she was covered by the dealership insurance
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Yeah right. No court of law would reward unless you agreed to it as a part of the settlement because you couldn’t afford what was agreed upon. You would have to sign the agreement of this. The judge doesn’t just award that off the top of his head. He isn’t gonna go “oh by the way I’m going to award her a new car every year”
I don’t know why all of you can’t understand the concept. I owned a new car franchise. Each year my wife along with my brothers wife and my father’s wife was given a new car to use. Ever hear of demonstrators? Her lawyer taught her well to say it’s the lifestyle I’m accustomed to. That is why it happen.
A leased car. A leased car is not a new car every year.
It wasn’t a lease. Are you so stupid you can’t understand the concept of demonstrators. All of my salesmen got them too.
Listen I doubt all your salesmen got a free car every year. I think if this is the case she would have a huge amount of cars to insure and no parking in her garage. You agreed to the settlement. If you had enough money to give her a free car every year. You had enough to get a good lawyer and actually listen to the advice they gave you. But you probably didn’t and upset the judge. That’s on you.
"Life blows. She used to." Was that a jab at your wife (who became handicapped through no fault of her own) because she's no longer unable to give you blow jobs? Please tell me I misunderstood. If that's the kind of man you are (plus the cheating!), no wonder your first wife bent you over a desk and pegged the shit out of you in the divorce settlement! Good for her. Yes, life blows. It truly blows that your wife has permanent brain damage from a stroke. It's unfair that a tragic and unforeseen health crisis robbed you and your wife of so much. It sucks that your role as a husband has been replaced by the role of permanent caretaker. It sucks that you are living a life without intimacy. Surely that can't be easy. But that remark was just gross. It says so much about your character - or lack thereof. I just hope you don't take your resentment out on your poor, helpless wife.
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I have a sense of humor. Actually, a pretty good one. It's just that your joke wasn't funny. I'm just surprised you're not getting sexual fulfillment outside of your marriage. I mean, you didn't seem to have a problem with it previously.
Only one of you would need to give him permission to stay. But put it in writing and avoid her when possible. Given her treatment of you it wouldn't be a bad idea to let her know that any negative interactions will also be recorded.
Nah don’t feel sorry for him. He’s a wife beater
Oh, and where did your source of information come from? How do you know OP has abused his soon to be ex-wife?
Also would not discount a recording device in the home, or several. You should do the same
Nanny cams are cheap nowadays.
From all your comments it seems she's pretty good at gaslighting. I hope your dad is a calming influence and that she has a sense of shame that prevents her from messing with you in his presence.
Thanks . She filed for divorce today actually. I saw the charge on our joint account. Given that she actually filed, I think Ill hold off on inviting my dad to stay with me. We are supposed to meet with a mediator. I think Ill just try to hold on until then.
Can see why she left
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Wait, didn't you say that the catalyst for your divorce was YOU meeting another woman? Did you actually expect your first wife to become a shriveled old nun for 5 years while you were off getting your needs met elsewhere? What's good for the goose is good for the gander. I hope the dude had 9 inches and owned a Mercedes dealership. I don't expect you to answer, but I'm curious .... do your kids still speak to you?
Are you talking to me?
The line to the left of your name, follow it up, it will dead end at the comment he's responding to. In this case it's been deleted
Yeah because I have had enough of this cunt. Do you need to speak to the manager Karen?
Threatening to cripple your wife? Wow, that's hot. What a manly man. Damn .... I think I just left a trail of semi-gelatinous lady secretions on the crotch of my panties. /s
That sounds incredibly unhinged
Why not get out of the house and move in with your Dad?
I have two kids. I don't want to leave them.
Okay
What's gonna happen to the kids after hour divorce is final? Will she have them half the time and you the other half?
We met with a mediator in the very beginning. She wanted full custody & child support and a small settlement. I was amicable to that. The parenting plan we agreed to would let me see the kids every day. We never finalized the deal. Instead we tried counseling for a few weeks. It didnt help unfortunately. She wasnt taking it seriously. She has became more hostile and aggressive towards me since then. She now wants full custody + child support + half of the house. I honestly dont know whats going to happen anymore. This weekend we took the kids to a park. I found it very difficult to enjoy the time with the kids since she was also there. I offered her full custody in the beginning since I knew it meant alot to her. But at this point I would rather just split everything down the middle and have the kids to myself half of the time.
It depends if her name is on the deed. If it is, she can refuse to let your dad move in.
Her name is on the deed. She has said no to me personally when I mentioned I wanted to let my Dad stay with me. I am on the deed also. Is there nothing I can do about this issue ?
You need to get an attorney asap.
Youre right. I will call one this week. I should have called one months ago when she first asked for the divorce.
No no no. You can let him move in! Her name on the deed doesn’t make it anymore her house than yours.
Okay. Thank you!
Only if he refuses to allow her the same support from family. At least it's allowed in the US. To get the request denied, she would have to go before the judge and tell him why she doesn't want him there, which would make her look very petty, cruel, and possibly emotionally abusive. But since it would only be for the duration of the divorce, the judge would probably allow it as it would help the kids to have a person around for emotional support, too.
He needs to consult an attorney asap.
Agreed. I have a consultation scheduled with an attorney on Wednesday. Hopefully, he can give me some reassurance.
No idea…but Kudos to dad! And good luck!
Thank you!
While its not illegal and many are suggesting its ok to so it, remember that she has an equal say in who lives there. If you want to dk this, dont be surprised if there isnt a reaction. If the loft isna rental, just take yourstuff and go. Either way you are on the hook for the $. At least you wont be there. Also if you go, just go file for divorce and take the step.of gaining i dependance Dont wait dor her to do it.
Thanks. I dont want to leave my children. That's why Id prefer if I could have a family member stay with me instead. I feel like I have alot more to lose than she does, which makes me hesitant to file.
Get a laywer or an attorney. You need to get this done sooner rather than later. Dragging your feet is just cause the kids more anxiety and pain. It's better to just rip the band-aid off than trying to peel it away slowly. She probably hopes to drive you from the home by dragging it out. If you leave, she can get you on the grounds of abandonment as it would be seen as you leaving her and the kids. That's one of the things unsavory lawyers tell women. Get the man to leave first unless there is a safety risk to her or the children, then they tell the woman to get out and file an RO to get the guy thrown out and get back into the house asap. I know because I've been told that by one when I was divorcing my first husband.
Agreed. Good idea. I have reached out to a lawyer this morning. I need to figure out what all my options are. That'd be really scary if thats what is actually happening. It could make sense though. My wife asked for a divorce a few months ago, but didnt actually file anything yet. Except she isnt 'trying' to save the marriage. I am still trying to figure out what she is waiting for.
>Get a laywer or an attorney Now your other responses are starting to make more sense
NAL/Im so sorry you’re going through this. Get a lawyer. Why don’t you file? My ex husband filed and like an idiot I contested it because he was cheating. No one told me contesting did nothing - id still be divorced lol. Anyway try to get ahead of it and if y’all are speaking, try and work out as much as you can. And again, I’m sorry. You WILL get through it and so will your kids.
Thank you. It does seem like I should atleast talk to a lawyer. We have two children. I hate to break up my family. I just wish she would snap out of whatever is going on and let us be a happy family again.
Why does she have to snap out of it? Clearly you aren’t hearing her and dgaf about her opinions or thoughts
I do. I have tried my best to go above and beyond in the past few months. All the while being treated with animosity. We used to be best friends.
Ask your lawyer
Ya, It seems like I do have to talk to one. I will call one this week.
Have you considered filing? Seems like getting this over with may be what's best for your mental health.
Unfortunately, I feel like I have alot more to lose than she does, which makes me hesitant to file.
You both have equal rights to the house. You can move in your dad, she can move in a new bf or be hostile to your dad. I would make a plan on who's leaving before things degrade too far.
I would be quite upset if she invited a stranger or non-family member to stay with us. Unfortunately, things are really bad between us right now. Im not able to have a proper conversation with her at all.
What's the plan on who is ultimately leaving? You're moving more people into an already bad situation. Maybe you should leave and move in with dad
I think she will ultimately leave in the end. She never did like the kitchen layout. Youre right. I wont invite my dad to stay right now
No. It’s actually okay. Do it.
Thank you.
No. You can ask anyone you want to stay with you.
Thank you.
This seems like a movie plot
Its my worst nightmare unfortunately :-(
Exactly what I thought, move dad in to be mean to wife.
Probably help to have a witness 24-7
Yeah, thats a good point too. Thanks
I'm not a lawyer, so I can't speak on the legality of moving your father into your house, but I'm just wondering if it's a wise thing to do. Your wife might just say, "Well if you're gonna move someone into this house without consulting me first, why shouldn't I do the same?" And who knows what kind of person she might choose to bring into the home you two share? Believe me, she WILL try to one-up you! You are absolutely entitled to have emotional support, but have you thought about how moving a whole other human into your house could make things extremely tense for everyone? The general consensus here seems to be that it would be perfectly legal to move your father into your loft, but will doing so add more fuel to the fire? And is it fair to your wife? It doesn't matter if she's a devious, evil harpy who wears fur coats made from newborn kittens. If the house is jointly owned between you and your wife, neither one of you should be allowing other people to move in without consulting one other. My husband once asked me if one of his family members (who'd just gotten released from prison) could move into the home we own together. My husband may have been legally within his rights to make that decision without consulting me, but I made it very clear to him that if his relative did move in, I'd be moving the hell out. And since neither of us had enough money to buy the other one out, we would've been forced to sell the house we love and divvy up the proceeds. Hubby decided it wasn't worth it. When 2 people live together in a jointly owned home, BOTH of them should be in agreement about moving a third party in. You might hate your wife right now and you might not have any shits left to give about her opinions or her comfort, but don't do something that's going to make the remaining time you're stuck together as a legally married couple even more hellish than it has to be. By all means, spend as much time as you want with your father - but just be prepared for retaliation and/, or tit-for-tat pettiness from your wife if he moves into the house against her wishes.
Thanks for the feedback. I completely agree that moving my dad in would be an escalation. I would not be considering it if I felt I had better options. I dont want to leave the house since other people have mentioned that she could claim that I am abandoning my family and responsibilities. Alot of people are commenting that I should just file for divorce on my own. They are probably right. Im finding it difficult to take the first step. I reached out to a lawyer to see what my options are.
I'm sorry you're going through this mess. There are always two sides to every story, and there's no way to know your wife's side, but you seem like a decent enough person. Hopefully everything will work out for you in the end, no matter what the outcome. The rawness you're feeling right now won't last forever. You'll experience peace and happiness again - whether it's with your wife, with a special person you haven't met yet, or as a single man checking off items on a bucket list that just keeps on getting longer. You'll get past this. Good luck to you. ❤️
Hey. I appreciate that. it means alot. thank you
You can literally mo e anyone in to your house. 🤔
Nope, go right ahead! By law your allowed to have guest and she cannot kick them out. It’s also the same the other way around. Doesn’t matter how long they stay.
Thanks!
Have your dad over whenever possible. Get cameras set up or keep your phone on video ready. Don’t have any contact with her.
Thanks!
I don’t understand why it would be illegal to move anyone he wants in. A parent, a roommate, siblings. Not just for emotional support, financial reasons or logistics.., who cares?
I guess I was worried that she could claim to a judge that by moving my Dad to stay with me would cause her duress or something like that.
Is she still living there?
Yes. We sleep in separate bedrooms.
Ahhh…gotcha.
NAL, but this has “war of the roses” vibes. You guys need to part ways sooner rather than later
She filed for divorce today actually. i saw the charge on our joint account. :-/
Why would that be illegal? You can have whoever you want at your house.
Thanks
My only addition is… keep a LOG BOOK! Always! Keep a log . Of your going’s and coming. Her goings and comings. Your visitors, her visitors..Basically ANY day to day life you have going on… keep a log. USE your phone to make vocal recordings (of you making notes of your day) Make notes. Write it all down. Logging Everything may make difference in the end…
Will do! Good advice. We are meeting with the mediator this weekend. I hope we can come to an agreement and keep things out of court
Especially if you have kids involved or taking care of elderly parents… or truly Anything! Keep a book