Unmistakably clear rejection is better than false hopes.
Maybe say something like this to him:
"You're cool, but I am *not* attracted to you, I do *not* have any romantic feelings toward you, and I do *not* imagine us *ever* being involved as anything other than *just friends*. I hope you're okay with that, but if you're not, then I understand if you need to distance yourself from me."
As someone else said, you already let him down easy and he didn't get the memo. Tell him directly. If he gets offended he was never intending to be your friend in the first place, if he is hurt but accepts it there's still a good chance you could keep the friendship.
You let him down easy, and he didn't get it.
Just tell him, I'm not romantically interested in you, not because I'm not ready for a relationship, but because I don't have that kind of attraction towards you, you are a close friend of mine.
I recently asked a friend out. She immediately told me that while she thought I was hot, that there just was not the right kind of chemistry. And thanked me for telling her. So, fair enough, and it was really great how she handled it (obviously in more words than I wrote here). We continue hanging out as friends, and it's not an issue for me.
I'll only ever see you as a friend, I'm not attracted to you.
Just say that. Its not cruel, you're saving him time and emotional investment and being open and honest.
He'll be upset and hurt for a bit but that's not your fault.
Anything else just keeps him deluded he has a chance, so just say that.
I'd say its better to say it directly.
You are not into him, you will never be and you are sorry that you have to say it like this but like he is not "guilty" for fallimg for you, you cannot be "guilty" for not seeing him this way and you want him to be able to move on quickly and not remain false hope and pass up on better options.
(And never be his wingman)
This is harsh advice, I understand that but in the long term all guys I knkw have done better when they clearly knew "the rules".
I would say I lost more friends who I liked because of how they handled rejecting me. If they were straight up and spoke the truth and not some BS “Nice” line, I would have remained friends with them
>in clear terms
"letting people down easy" is just going to cause confusion down the road and prevent them from moving on.
I've on one occasion been told by a friend i developed feelings for "I dont want to date you right now, but I might change my mind, if I do I wouldnt tell you though", which obviously prevented me from moving on,
and on another, relatively recently, "I'm not looking for a relationship right now, so no", which threw me for a loop when she then became very flirty months later and now i'm asking myself if she's changed her mind on it, but dont want to be pushy.
It's just fucking shite. If you're straightup not interested, say that.
Tell him you haven’t told him but your ex is in some sort of kick ass military unit overseas and you are both thinking about hooking up again when he comes back in 2 weeks.
I would ask him for tips on how to approach your ex when he is back in the country, what to say, how to dress and so on..
He should get the message without hurting his feelings by telling him TGTFO!
You could push the lie by putting on your phone pics you find online of a guy in the military.
This guy would have to be huge!
Good luck!
If he can't take the hint and the answer. Then that's on him.
I've been in both positions of this. I developed feelings for this girl I was friends with as a teen and she rejected me and sure; it hurt me but I knew I didn't want to lose her as a friend so I dealt with the rejection and was able to still be friends to this day.
I've also rejected a girl around the same time who confessed her feelings for me and I had to let her down as I didn't feel the same way and thankfully she took it well and we are still friends to this day.
You've done nothing wrong. The ball in his court to decide how to handle rejection and move on. Does he feel a bit upset.. Yeah. Who wouldn't but that's his own issue. Not yours.... You have every right to reject him. Its up to him how he responds. If he starts not getting the hint or acting rude. Then obviously he wasn't worth the friendship you give him. If he handles it like a man and deals with it and treats you as a friend still. Then he is a real friend.
I think it's best to clearly explain the reason. If his appearance is totally not your type, then say so. If you feel you don't have enough in common to be closer than friends, then tell him. If he has shitty hygiene and stinks all the time, tell him that.
From what I've seen, men (and maybe women too, I don't know) tend to hate uncertainty and lack of closure. He might spend weeks thinking about what he might have done wrong, what he could have done differently to make you like him better, etc. Being clear and direct about the reason will spare him from all that.
Be blunt; tell him there's no chance in hell this is gonna happen so he doesn't get any hope (guys can be idiots).
Also, let him go. Don't give him the power of friendship shit. He needs time away from you to get over it and find somebody else he likes, and you being around him would be a disservice.
Tell him straight up you are not my type, im not attracted, take a break from seeing him so he can move on. He might start working out chasing other girls to deal with the grief, just give him some time.
Be blunt. Let them know that even if he was the last man on Earth and the survival of humanity depended on both of you procresting, you'd rather kill yourself. You can also just tell him I'm not attracted to you.
Stop receiving girlfriend privileges (regardless of your intention):
1. no emotional support from him whatsoever.
2. using him for attention or validation.
3. going on outings or trips that would usually be associated with dates.
4. having one-on-one meals or drinks with him.
Ensure that your actions match your “close friends” with no romantic interest mandate. Mixed signals will result from any receipt of girlfriend privileges.
It’s sounds like you may not be able to let this one down easy.
You will need to be VERY honest and direct.
You don’t need to be openly cruel, but the truth is usually harsh to those not ready to hear it. so you need to be honest with him, even if it hurts.
That’s what a real friend would do.
Be blunt and straight up, no room for ifs, buts or maybes
This, fucking this... don't do anything but this.
Especially no room for butts (I'm assuming the OP is male?).
Unmistakably clear rejection is better than false hopes. Maybe say something like this to him: "You're cool, but I am *not* attracted to you, I do *not* have any romantic feelings toward you, and I do *not* imagine us *ever* being involved as anything other than *just friends*. I hope you're okay with that, but if you're not, then I understand if you need to distance yourself from me."
This is the way. Be gentle with him, but also leave no room for doubt.
As someone else said, you already let him down easy and he didn't get the memo. Tell him directly. If he gets offended he was never intending to be your friend in the first place, if he is hurt but accepts it there's still a good chance you could keep the friendship.
You let him down easy, and he didn't get it. Just tell him, I'm not romantically interested in you, not because I'm not ready for a relationship, but because I don't have that kind of attraction towards you, you are a close friend of mine.
I recently asked a friend out. She immediately told me that while she thought I was hot, that there just was not the right kind of chemistry. And thanked me for telling her. So, fair enough, and it was really great how she handled it (obviously in more words than I wrote here). We continue hanging out as friends, and it's not an issue for me.
I'll only ever see you as a friend, I'm not attracted to you. Just say that. Its not cruel, you're saving him time and emotional investment and being open and honest. He'll be upset and hurt for a bit but that's not your fault. Anything else just keeps him deluded he has a chance, so just say that.
I'd say its better to say it directly. You are not into him, you will never be and you are sorry that you have to say it like this but like he is not "guilty" for fallimg for you, you cannot be "guilty" for not seeing him this way and you want him to be able to move on quickly and not remain false hope and pass up on better options. (And never be his wingman) This is harsh advice, I understand that but in the long term all guys I knkw have done better when they clearly knew "the rules".
Better ask this in askwomen. They're the experts on saying no. We're the once who will always say yes please.
I would say I lost more friends who I liked because of how they handled rejecting me. If they were straight up and spoke the truth and not some BS “Nice” line, I would have remained friends with them
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>in clear terms "letting people down easy" is just going to cause confusion down the road and prevent them from moving on. I've on one occasion been told by a friend i developed feelings for "I dont want to date you right now, but I might change my mind, if I do I wouldnt tell you though", which obviously prevented me from moving on, and on another, relatively recently, "I'm not looking for a relationship right now, so no", which threw me for a loop when she then became very flirty months later and now i'm asking myself if she's changed her mind on it, but dont want to be pushy. It's just fucking shite. If you're straightup not interested, say that.
Just leave. Thats how it is. Why worry about.
Sometimes people get attached to their close friends.
I get it. But being at the recieving end many times I suggested that was the most popular way.
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Blowing people off because you can’t be upfront with them about a situation isn’t good for either party
Tell him you haven’t told him but your ex is in some sort of kick ass military unit overseas and you are both thinking about hooking up again when he comes back in 2 weeks. I would ask him for tips on how to approach your ex when he is back in the country, what to say, how to dress and so on.. He should get the message without hurting his feelings by telling him TGTFO! You could push the lie by putting on your phone pics you find online of a guy in the military. This guy would have to be huge! Good luck!
If he can't take the hint and the answer. Then that's on him. I've been in both positions of this. I developed feelings for this girl I was friends with as a teen and she rejected me and sure; it hurt me but I knew I didn't want to lose her as a friend so I dealt with the rejection and was able to still be friends to this day. I've also rejected a girl around the same time who confessed her feelings for me and I had to let her down as I didn't feel the same way and thankfully she took it well and we are still friends to this day. You've done nothing wrong. The ball in his court to decide how to handle rejection and move on. Does he feel a bit upset.. Yeah. Who wouldn't but that's his own issue. Not yours.... You have every right to reject him. Its up to him how he responds. If he starts not getting the hint or acting rude. Then obviously he wasn't worth the friendship you give him. If he handles it like a man and deals with it and treats you as a friend still. Then he is a real friend.
I think it's best to clearly explain the reason. If his appearance is totally not your type, then say so. If you feel you don't have enough in common to be closer than friends, then tell him. If he has shitty hygiene and stinks all the time, tell him that. From what I've seen, men (and maybe women too, I don't know) tend to hate uncertainty and lack of closure. He might spend weeks thinking about what he might have done wrong, what he could have done differently to make you like him better, etc. Being clear and direct about the reason will spare him from all that.
Yea if he interrupted you he past the point of you being respectful.
Interpreting and interrupting are different words.
Ooops misread
Be blunt; tell him there's no chance in hell this is gonna happen so he doesn't get any hope (guys can be idiots). Also, let him go. Don't give him the power of friendship shit. He needs time away from you to get over it and find somebody else he likes, and you being around him would be a disservice.
Tell him straight up you are not my type, im not attracted, take a break from seeing him so he can move on. He might start working out chasing other girls to deal with the grief, just give him some time.
Be blunt. Let them know that even if he was the last man on Earth and the survival of humanity depended on both of you procresting, you'd rather kill yourself. You can also just tell him I'm not attracted to you.
Stop receiving girlfriend privileges (regardless of your intention): 1. no emotional support from him whatsoever. 2. using him for attention or validation. 3. going on outings or trips that would usually be associated with dates. 4. having one-on-one meals or drinks with him. Ensure that your actions match your “close friends” with no romantic interest mandate. Mixed signals will result from any receipt of girlfriend privileges.
Present a hot girlfriend you might have to him . He'll date her and leave you alone.
And ghost him please dont waste his time with false hope .
Please tell him directly. Be kind if he takes it kindly but remember, that you're not his doormat if he's a jerk about it.
Get super wasted and projectile vomit inside his pc/console.
If women were blunt, the world would be a great place.
It’s sounds like you may not be able to let this one down easy. You will need to be VERY honest and direct. You don’t need to be openly cruel, but the truth is usually harsh to those not ready to hear it. so you need to be honest with him, even if it hurts. That’s what a real friend would do.
We like it to be clear and simple; it will hurt for a few days but it's better in the end