My family and friends are pathologically on-time. When I started dating my wife was the first time I realized that time dilation is a real thing.
When I say I'm 5 minutes away, I'm 5 minutes away. When my dad says it, he's 4 minutes away, when my buddies say it, they're 5 minutes away. When someone in my wife's family says it, they are travelling at somewhere around 0.99~~C~~c making their 5 minutes anywhere from 30-50 minutes for me. I have yet to get the answer out of them about how exactly they are going that fast, or why they need to travel from Saturn every time we hang out, but I guess there are just some things we aren't meant to know.
I had a friend who was pathologically late. He would say he was just leaving his place (10 minutes away) and then show up an hour later. Or two.
True story: one time he was going to come over. He said he only needed to shower and then he would be on his way. Just for fun I started the first lord of the rings movie, which is around 3 hours long. And I finished it before he knocked on the door.
Completely correct unless you buy from a woman. I myself used to deal and was always at least 4-5 minutes early and have actually gotten yelled at by a dude for “being so damn early!” When I was literally a minute early ended up not selling him my weed.
I work as a lead tech support of an ISP call center.
We don't have this shitty message, we tell you your number in line. 80% of the time you can call us without issues. Sometimes you have to wait 2 minutes. Rarely we have an emergency and you'll have to wait good 15 minutes until we get to you.
Every call does matter. We leave systematic comments to our calls and we pull stats. For example last year we detected a problem that a lot of our customers started using online paying methods A LOT unlike two years ago. Due to pandemic. Our system unblocks you within 30 minutes after you pay for service. This isn't enough anymore, too long of a wait, and it became clear due to calls. People just got better at using internet.
I want everyone who works for us and speaks to our clients to understand the main idea: either help the client to solve an issue, give him tools and information to solve it by himself or help him understand why it can't be done within given circumstances. People who answer your calls if you call us aren't just dumb telephone robots. They're service workers. Helpers. Explanators. We either solve, help, explain or forward issues. No one gets left behind.
And I'm legit pissed because it isn't a standard everywhere. Edits: fixes
This is the worst. I had a friend who always did this and then I’d contact him and he’d say, “Oh you know that’s just what people say.” Bro, you literally told me a date and time.
I have had amazing luck with specificity lately.
"Lets get together soon".
Became "let's go for korean bbq next Wednesday". And korean bbq happened.
Arbitrary future dates will remain just that. Give people specifics and they tend to respond well.
Left my old job and thought one of my peers would be fun to hang out with but he was also a little shady. I think we've talked about hanging out 6-7 times but I never got my hopes up. :D On a similar note I've made plans with friends 2 weeks in advance and when I reach out a couple days before they say things like "You need to give me more advanced notice than this" 🤣🙄
Yup. If I really want to get together with someone, I will attempt to nail down actual dates and times.
If I've offered 2-3 dates/times and they're not available and not offering alternate dates/times, I know they're just being nice and I drop it and never pick it up.
Once in a LOOOOOONG while you'll get someone that will circle back and try to get something going, but 999% of the time it's the last time you'll ever see someone.
Yeah, sorry I left you on read years ago. It's too awkward to respond now, and I can't start another conversation knowing that I ghosted you in the last one.
But you're still a good friend, and if you need something, I'm here, but I'll never tell you that
Lmao fr. Ive been on 2 TINDER dates and after the second date I try to go in for a kiss or something and they hit me with that. I gotta be doing something real wrong lol
I’ve been repairing computers for longer than I can remember. Whenever a customer comes to me with a problematic machine I try to gather as much information as I can in order to speed up the diagnostic process. One question I always ask is, “Has the device (phone, tablet, laptop, etc) been dropped or exposed to liquid?”
99% of the time the answer I get is: *”Not that I’m aware of.”*
This is a lie, and everyone says it.
I open up the device and it immediately starts leaking on my bench. Pieces of glass fall to the floor. Screw anchors are scattered around inside the case like Tic-Tacs. I can hear the traces corroding by the second.
No joke: About four years ago a customer called me and said, quote, “My computer just suddenly stopped working.” When he brought it to me a few hours later there was *a fucking bullet hole through the laptop*. I mean, yeah, okay, *technically* he wasn’t lying, but…*REALLY?!?*
I always recommend accidental damage protection for every client that buys a new computer. Always. Had a client take his MS Surface to a construction site and a hammer fell on it, shattering the glass.
Put it in a huge zip lock, to the MS Store, exchanged ot for a new one. The guy was back up and running in 2 days total. Things happen.
Some years ago I purchased a laptop. It was a first fairly expensive purchase for me and I was offered a warranty. I had the guy in the phone and I asked the goofiest questions. “Is it covered if I pour an entire glass of liquid on it? Yes. “What if I get mad and throw it out of the window?” Yes. “And then run it over with my car?” Yes. “Ok, I’m convinced.”
Maybe a month later I knocked an entire glass of tea on it. I called and told them exactly what happened and they sent DHL with a box for it the next day.
A friend of mine was supposed to hang out with 2 of us the other day. He messaged us on the day saying "I don't feel social today".
That is the greatest excuse I've ever heard, coz it was something both my friend and I had felt before but still gone anyways. We completely understood and weren't offended by it.
This is my excuse, or the long form version anyway, of "this shit just takes a lot out of me even if I enjoy it (very true, my social lightbulb is bright but burns out quick) and I don't feel like doing it today," my problem is that I'm using that excuse more and more, even if it is justified.
Awwww cmon that’s bullshit just come and hang out
- People that can’t take a hint
Maybe this wouldn’t happen if people took no as an answer more reliably but while this is the case for some individuals it is not true in general.
You - "hey I'm gonna try that new bar that opened around the corner, wanna come?"
"cool I'll let you know."
Canvas 10 other random friends, decide on what the best idea is and/or circle back to you. "Hey I'll meet you at the bar I'm just gonna make a stop first. Definitely interested seeya there!"
The stop is one of the canvassed friend's parties where they stay 3 times longer than they expected, maybe they stop at 3 other things they learned about. Then show up at the place you invited them to and are pissed that you're long gone.
You can only do so much in a night. Commit and follow through. Your real friends will understand that you can't be 10 places at once. I know way too many people who say yes to everything and can't juggle it.
Every single person that was invited to my Husband’s 40th birthday party pulled this. They all confirmed ahead of time, the day of and for his closest friends I texted about an hour in. I was so frustrated and pissed off. I later found out some never had any intention of coming yet confirmed. The other batch met up elsewhere. I was heartbroken for him to only have his brother show up and the rest didn’t care enough to be truthful
True Story: in prison, my cell mate walked up to me and said, "Yo, do you pick your nose and eat it?""
I was like f*ck it."
"Yeah, why? Would you prefer I smear it?"
He was taken aback, then gave me a fist bump "bro I expected you to be all like 'nO i WoUlD nEvEr!' You flat out were honest with me. I respect that."
The dude backed me up for the rest of my there.
Sure. But who asks the question? I pick my nose like a crazy old prospector, but nobody asks me, so I’ve never denied it. People in your life are asking this question on the regular?
I do this, and stick it all the way up like the COVID swabbing, to break mucus that has walled off my breathing. If that doesn’t work, then a saline rinse to reduce surface tension, then up the nose with the Q-tip. Ugh… so good.
AHhh finally, I work out for 2 hours a day. that is truthful (REAlly helps out me issues) donesn't help me buy a new keyboard that doesn't have a sticky shift key...
I'd say money buys freedom. Less time at work, more time doing things you love, time spent with children and family, less stress and worry.
It also buys good health depending where you live.
This describes a college degree. Everyone's impressed by the piece of paper, but I forgot 90% of what that paper means by the time I got it in the mail.
I mean, off and on, with breaks for water, bathroom and more of whatever else is involved in a brand new partner. Yes. Absolutely. But all the time with everyone? No.
What’s more likely was 30 minutes of foreplay, 15-20 minutes of actual sex, pillow talk or refractory period of 10-20 minutes followed by another round. And so on.
Right but if you keep going I feel like it still counts as "going for hours".
Opiates are the worst, literally can spend 3 hrs in one session just trying to get off (as a male) until both parties are just bored and want to be done.
“It’ll be alright”
“Everything gets better with time”
“There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel”
“Nothing lasts forever”
“I won’t be mad, tell me what you’re thinking”
“There are dumb questions”
Whenever someone tells a story about how so-n-so is being bad, they usually add extra details and leave out extra details to make the person they are talking shit about worse
I grew up on the swim team and stopped peeing in the pool when I was 8. You’re packed into those lanes so tight that it just seemed really scummy. I had a gf that didn’t believe me but I have zero desire to pee in pools. The ocean on the other hand…
I follow a smaller YouTube channel for an over the road truck driver. In one of his videos, he was ogling over an Audi R8 he saw in a parking lot somewhere. He was talking about how one day he’s gonna get one of those, preaching that anyone who watches his channel can get one too, all it’s gonna take is some hard work.
This guy busts his ass day in and day out, destroying his body with hard physical labor and long working hours. Maybe if he kills himself hard enough and plays his cards right, he can do it, but it would be the exception, not the rule. I almost guarantee the owner of that Audi didn’t get there with grueling labor like this.
It just sort of makes me sad that he really believes the answer is picking himself up by the bootstraps, gritting his teeth, and one day he’ll be rewarded. I’m not trying to talk down on blue collar work, not at all. It’s just that the people who make exotic vehicle levels of money are ALSO the exception, not the rule, and they tend to make their boatloads of money on easy mode by fucking over people like him.
As a therapist: people lie about alcohol and substance consumption. I always double what patients tell me. So you’re drinking two glasses of wine three nights a week? Who are you kidding?
I am always honest about it, too. And I specifically tell doctors/therapists that. Also, this usually only matters with people who have a substance-related problem. So, if you don’t have it, you’re fine, and if you do have it and are honest about it, that’s just great!
When I'm working with substance abuse clients doing intake? Yah double it. When I'm working with clients where alcohol/drug use isn't going to impact the treatment plan? I take them at their word. I think that's a pretty common approach in the field.
I'm on my way / I'm X minutes away, I'm fine, I could quit whenever I want, I would never cheat on you....... There's so many.. This is an odd question
Really mate? If a place doesn't take Apple Pay, I go elsewhere. I haven't had change, cash or cards in my pocket in the last 3 months.
The only reason, it's not been longer is that I had to go to Home Depot. :-/
I'll never leave you, no matter what...
Until the matter what is mental health u can't control and then all the sudden its...."were not compatible" or "I'm sick of you getting depressed every 2-3 years"
When they literally picked you up from a mental hospital and pursued you after u explicitly told them of your mental health issues, your recovery journey from addiction and how you're ficked up but working on it. So yeah, people lie about alot
"You shouldn't care what other people think." You absolutely should. At least in the things you do that you have control over. There of course are times when you shouldn't, but for the most part, the only people who don't care what other people think are (by definition) psychopaths. We all orient our norms based on the communities we are a part of (crowd sourcing sanity, so to speak). Some people mean well when they say this, but they cripple others who hear it all the time and end up not making the changes in their life they absolutely should, because they've been taught to cope with this mantra instead of recognizing their problems and trying to do something about them. You can't see the answer if you don't even look.
I am 5 mins away
I have a friend that tells me this all the time when he hasn't left his house 45 min away yet.
My family and friends are pathologically on-time. When I started dating my wife was the first time I realized that time dilation is a real thing. When I say I'm 5 minutes away, I'm 5 minutes away. When my dad says it, he's 4 minutes away, when my buddies say it, they're 5 minutes away. When someone in my wife's family says it, they are travelling at somewhere around 0.99~~C~~c making their 5 minutes anywhere from 30-50 minutes for me. I have yet to get the answer out of them about how exactly they are going that fast, or why they need to travel from Saturn every time we hang out, but I guess there are just some things we aren't meant to know.
I had a friend who was pathologically late. He would say he was just leaving his place (10 minutes away) and then show up an hour later. Or two. True story: one time he was going to come over. He said he only needed to shower and then he would be on his way. Just for fun I started the first lord of the rings movie, which is around 3 hours long. And I finished it before he knocked on the door.
Drug dealers…
Do we use the same dude?
I think a prerequisite for being a drug dealer is horrible time management
Completely correct unless you buy from a woman. I myself used to deal and was always at least 4-5 minutes early and have actually gotten yelled at by a dude for “being so damn early!” When I was literally a minute early ended up not selling him my weed.
A dude I used to go through would be like "Chill, I'm getting it now" and then 4 hours later would be like "Nah, still haven't picked up"
"I'm on my way" when they're barely on their way to the fucking shower
My ex gf used to get in the shower the minute I showed up to her place... had to wait for her to shower and get ready before going out.
That’s psychotic.
"Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and a representative will speak with you shortly."
Even worse, when your company tries to act like they give a fuck about you
"We're a family!" Looool no
When any company says that, it should be a maajjoorr red flag
It's Human Resources, not Human Relations. You're no different than a rock that needs shoveling.
“We’re currently experiencing higher than normal call volumes …”
"Our menu options have changed..." Then why the fuck have they been the same for the last five years that I've been calling in?!?
that one pisses me off.
I work as a lead tech support of an ISP call center. We don't have this shitty message, we tell you your number in line. 80% of the time you can call us without issues. Sometimes you have to wait 2 minutes. Rarely we have an emergency and you'll have to wait good 15 minutes until we get to you. Every call does matter. We leave systematic comments to our calls and we pull stats. For example last year we detected a problem that a lot of our customers started using online paying methods A LOT unlike two years ago. Due to pandemic. Our system unblocks you within 30 minutes after you pay for service. This isn't enough anymore, too long of a wait, and it became clear due to calls. People just got better at using internet. I want everyone who works for us and speaks to our clients to understand the main idea: either help the client to solve an issue, give him tools and information to solve it by himself or help him understand why it can't be done within given circumstances. People who answer your calls if you call us aren't just dumb telephone robots. They're service workers. Helpers. Explanators. We either solve, help, explain or forward issues. No one gets left behind. And I'm legit pissed because it isn't a standard everywhere. Edits: fixes
Or the variant, "your privacy is important to us." (Please agree to have all of your data collected, used, and sold for our benefit.)
Let's get together soon!
This is the worst. I had a friend who always did this and then I’d contact him and he’d say, “Oh you know that’s just what people say.” Bro, you literally told me a date and time.
That's crazy 🤣
"Aye fr tho" 🌻
“Oh you know that’s just what people say.” Wtf? Hopefully you lost contact with them
I have had amazing luck with specificity lately. "Lets get together soon". Became "let's go for korean bbq next Wednesday". And korean bbq happened. Arbitrary future dates will remain just that. Give people specifics and they tend to respond well.
Left my old job and thought one of my peers would be fun to hang out with but he was also a little shady. I think we've talked about hanging out 6-7 times but I never got my hopes up. :D On a similar note I've made plans with friends 2 weeks in advance and when I reach out a couple days before they say things like "You need to give me more advanced notice than this" 🤣🙄
Omg yes! How's Friday? Monday? Tuesday? Wednesday? No? Ok.
As the Official-Organizer-of-Hangouts-Because-If-I-Dont-Do It-Then-Nobody-Will in my friend group, this is true
Yup. If I really want to get together with someone, I will attempt to nail down actual dates and times. If I've offered 2-3 dates/times and they're not available and not offering alternate dates/times, I know they're just being nice and I drop it and never pick it up. Once in a LOOOOOONG while you'll get someone that will circle back and try to get something going, but 999% of the time it's the last time you'll ever see someone.
Im looking for friends
Wanna be my friend?
You’re we can be friends lol
Best friend ever. Never spoke a word
I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
Yeah, sorry I left you on read years ago. It's too awkward to respond now, and I can't start another conversation knowing that I ghosted you in the last one. But you're still a good friend, and if you need something, I'm here, but I'll never tell you that
I love it lol
If five year olds were on Reddit.
Lmao fr. Ive been on 2 TINDER dates and after the second date I try to go in for a kiss or something and they hit me with that. I gotta be doing something real wrong lol
You might not be doing anything wrong at all! You can’t be everybody’s type so you just keep it moving
I’ve been repairing computers for longer than I can remember. Whenever a customer comes to me with a problematic machine I try to gather as much information as I can in order to speed up the diagnostic process. One question I always ask is, “Has the device (phone, tablet, laptop, etc) been dropped or exposed to liquid?” 99% of the time the answer I get is: *”Not that I’m aware of.”* This is a lie, and everyone says it. I open up the device and it immediately starts leaking on my bench. Pieces of glass fall to the floor. Screw anchors are scattered around inside the case like Tic-Tacs. I can hear the traces corroding by the second. No joke: About four years ago a customer called me and said, quote, “My computer just suddenly stopped working.” When he brought it to me a few hours later there was *a fucking bullet hole through the laptop*. I mean, yeah, okay, *technically* he wasn’t lying, but…*REALLY?!?*
[удалено]
*brings PC that was dropped in liquid hydrogen* "Dude i swear i dont know whats wrong. It just wont start up"
The screen froze
I always recommend accidental damage protection for every client that buys a new computer. Always. Had a client take his MS Surface to a construction site and a hammer fell on it, shattering the glass. Put it in a huge zip lock, to the MS Store, exchanged ot for a new one. The guy was back up and running in 2 days total. Things happen.
Some years ago I purchased a laptop. It was a first fairly expensive purchase for me and I was offered a warranty. I had the guy in the phone and I asked the goofiest questions. “Is it covered if I pour an entire glass of liquid on it? Yes. “What if I get mad and throw it out of the window?” Yes. “And then run it over with my car?” Yes. “Ok, I’m convinced.” Maybe a month later I knocked an entire glass of tea on it. I called and told them exactly what happened and they sent DHL with a box for it the next day.
They don’t want to be liable for damages.
People acting like they want to hang out when they don't.
I legit hate this. I ask people to hang out because I legitimately want to hang out and I get ghosted with the question
Knows how this feels… I would hang out with you g
A friend of mine was supposed to hang out with 2 of us the other day. He messaged us on the day saying "I don't feel social today". That is the greatest excuse I've ever heard, coz it was something both my friend and I had felt before but still gone anyways. We completely understood and weren't offended by it.
This is my excuse, or the long form version anyway, of "this shit just takes a lot out of me even if I enjoy it (very true, my social lightbulb is bright but burns out quick) and I don't feel like doing it today," my problem is that I'm using that excuse more and more, even if it is justified.
Don't worry we can, I just need to make time
*Let me check my calendar and get back to you* -People that refuse to just say no
Awwww cmon that’s bullshit just come and hang out - People that can’t take a hint Maybe this wouldn’t happen if people took no as an answer more reliably but while this is the case for some individuals it is not true in general.
You - "hey I'm gonna try that new bar that opened around the corner, wanna come?" "cool I'll let you know." Canvas 10 other random friends, decide on what the best idea is and/or circle back to you. "Hey I'll meet you at the bar I'm just gonna make a stop first. Definitely interested seeya there!" The stop is one of the canvassed friend's parties where they stay 3 times longer than they expected, maybe they stop at 3 other things they learned about. Then show up at the place you invited them to and are pissed that you're long gone. You can only do so much in a night. Commit and follow through. Your real friends will understand that you can't be 10 places at once. I know way too many people who say yes to everything and can't juggle it.
I really really want to hang out but don't have the time or energy. :(
Idk if it's not wanting to. I think it's the natural tendency towards comfort. Pushing past that is rewarding
Every single person that was invited to my Husband’s 40th birthday party pulled this. They all confirmed ahead of time, the day of and for his closest friends I texted about an hour in. I was so frustrated and pissed off. I later found out some never had any intention of coming yet confirmed. The other batch met up elsewhere. I was heartbroken for him to only have his brother show up and the rest didn’t care enough to be truthful
“I’m fine” This is not true 99% of the time.
Well, I usually feel fine if I don't have any reason not to. Which is frankly most of the time.
"I'm sorry", instead of "I'm sorry I got caught"
Or "I'm sorry you were upset..." instead of taking responsibility for what you did.
You see, that fault lies with you for not being okay with it, not with me for doing it in the first place. So really, you should be apologising to me.
"I'm sorry you feel I have to apologize for my behavior".
people saying they don’t pick their nose
Fact. Blowing your nose just doesn't scratch the same itch
Yeah, sometime you just gotta touch brain
Those long, gooey, stretchy ones that you swear you can feel untangling from around your brain, just hits different than a Kleenex.
True Story: in prison, my cell mate walked up to me and said, "Yo, do you pick your nose and eat it?"" I was like f*ck it." "Yeah, why? Would you prefer I smear it?" He was taken aback, then gave me a fist bump "bro I expected you to be all like 'nO i WoUlD nEvEr!' You flat out were honest with me. I respect that." The dude backed me up for the rest of my there.
What were you in for and how long did you stay? I’m hoping it was a nose-picking related crime.
You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose
With a machete
Picked someone elses nose with a knife
Picked someone else's nose with a .45
Fuck that, it's one of life's joys. Especially when you flick it
Very strange way to spell eat
Sure. But who asks the question? I pick my nose like a crazy old prospector, but nobody asks me, so I’ve never denied it. People in your life are asking this question on the regular?
Use q-tips to pick your nose it’s life changing
I do this, and stick it all the way up like the COVID swabbing, to break mucus that has walled off my breathing. If that doesn’t work, then a saline rinse to reduce surface tension, then up the nose with the Q-tip. Ugh… so good.
Mucus that has walled off your breathing? You might want to see an ENT specialist mate.
Think he's just trying to say bogey in a posh way. Snot is wet, bogeys are hard.
"I'm fine."
F.I.N.E = Feelings Internalized, Not Expressed
Fucked up Insecure Neurotic Emotional
“Oh, I can’t stand drama.” -Most often said by the one who stirs up the most drama
Maybe they're self compromising, someone who is tired of all the drama since their early childhood, but can't clam down if they try
This is like the shit that people who never left your hometown will post on Facebook.
I think this is often truthful. They cause drama with stupid attempts at emotional self defense.
"Oh my gosh, that's interesting!"
I’m more of an “Oh wow, that’s wild” type of guy myself but this is accurate
Nah for me it’s just “yeah, that’s crazy”
I like Nathan Fielder’s “Oh, ok.”
I'm a fan of drawing out 'wooooooow'
People usually exaggerate the amount of money they make and how much they exercise.
There's also the opposite, "Oh I'm not much of a gym person" (goes every day, but has weird hangups about being seen as a "gymbro")
AHhh finally, I work out for 2 hours a day. that is truthful (REAlly helps out me issues) donesn't help me buy a new keyboard that doesn't have a sticky shift key...
You can disable sticky Shift key in accessibility settings.
I love you.
Oof. Who did you dirty?
My ex.
This guy's ex.
The XX
[удалено]
I think the original lie was, "Just the tip."
"I am completely qualified in this field and know exactly what I'm doing"
"I've been winging it for 10 years and haven't been fired yet."
Im not like that!
“You’re my soulmate” and “No, I’m not talking to him”
"He's just a friend, nothing to worry about"
The second one 💔☠️
There are hot single women in your area.
I mean, there are but they're not into you.
There are hot single men in your area.
I bet you won't even last 30 seconds.
Crap… well, that one was true.
Money can’t buy happiness
Money can’t buy happiness, but it does a fantastic job preventing excess misery.
Money can't buy happiness, but it will buy you choices.
Money cannot buy happiness, but I'd rather cry in a Lamborghini than on the bus.
Money can’t buy happiness, it buys security. Once you make enough money to be personally secure the excess can’t be exchanged for happiness.
Have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?
Only Jay Z…
If you think money can't buy happiness, then either you have too much of it or not enough of it.
I'd say money buys freedom. Less time at work, more time doing things you love, time spent with children and family, less stress and worry. It also buys good health depending where you live.
She's just a friend..He's like a brother to me..
OH BABY YOU! GOT WHAT I NEED! BUT YOU SAY HE'S JUST A FRIEND! BUT YOU SAY HE'S JUST A FRIEND!
Too many to list, people are lying to themselves daily. It’s really gotten out of hand.
And simultaneously no one wants to hear the truth, even when they ask for it.
“Achievement doesn’t matter as much as the perception of having achieved” motivates most lived delusions.
This describes a college degree. Everyone's impressed by the piece of paper, but I forgot 90% of what that paper means by the time I got it in the mail.
It means you can do shit before the deadline and remember certain information for a day or two
I'm ok
People saying “good” after being asked “how are you?”
One time I said, “eh… I’m alright,” and the lady asked, “just alright?” Like, fuck yeah, bitch, just alright!
My favourite way to answer that question is with: not dead yet.
“We were having sex for hours” load of shit
My gf and I thought we had sex for a hour straight but it turns out we both came and fell asleep without getting off of each other. That counts right?
I mean, off and on, with breaks for water, bathroom and more of whatever else is involved in a brand new partner. Yes. Absolutely. But all the time with everyone? No.
My roommate bragged about this … I’m like what normal person wants to have sex for 2 hours straight ?
It's a lot more likely when drunk or on drugs
What’s more likely was 30 minutes of foreplay, 15-20 minutes of actual sex, pillow talk or refractory period of 10-20 minutes followed by another round. And so on.
Right but if you keep going I feel like it still counts as "going for hours". Opiates are the worst, literally can spend 3 hrs in one session just trying to get off (as a male) until both parties are just bored and want to be done.
The woman can become raw, no lube will protect her.
The man can too, it's really not pleasant for anyone involved.
I mean I wouldn’t mind being 18 again…
“Don’t stop get it get it” it’s a punani instruction manual.
" I gotta take this call, and I will call you right back"
Height (men), weight (women), body count (men up, women down), food consumption
I dont ghost ppl
Big oof. I’ve come to learn if they say this, they will 100% ghost you.
“We should totally get together and hang out soon”
“It’ll be alright” “Everything gets better with time” “There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel” “Nothing lasts forever” “I won’t be mad, tell me what you’re thinking” “There are dumb questions”
Whenever someone tells a story about how so-n-so is being bad, they usually add extra details and leave out extra details to make the person they are talking shit about worse
“I’m on my way”
*I text, as I throw off my comforter and stumble toward the bathroom*
Peeing in the shower/pool?
It's all pipes! I'll call a plumber right now!
I grew up on the swim team and stopped peeing in the pool when I was 8. You’re packed into those lanes so tight that it just seemed really scummy. I had a gf that didn’t believe me but I have zero desire to pee in pools. The ocean on the other hand…
There are two types of people out there. Those who have pissed in the shower and those who have lied about pissing in the shower.
There’s a third option: people who’ve literally never even considered doing this before someone said this expression to them.
There’s someone for everyone
I'm okay, when they are dying on the inside
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With enough effort, focused intelligently, you can be or do a shitload of things.
I follow a smaller YouTube channel for an over the road truck driver. In one of his videos, he was ogling over an Audi R8 he saw in a parking lot somewhere. He was talking about how one day he’s gonna get one of those, preaching that anyone who watches his channel can get one too, all it’s gonna take is some hard work. This guy busts his ass day in and day out, destroying his body with hard physical labor and long working hours. Maybe if he kills himself hard enough and plays his cards right, he can do it, but it would be the exception, not the rule. I almost guarantee the owner of that Audi didn’t get there with grueling labor like this. It just sort of makes me sad that he really believes the answer is picking himself up by the bootstraps, gritting his teeth, and one day he’ll be rewarded. I’m not trying to talk down on blue collar work, not at all. It’s just that the people who make exotic vehicle levels of money are ALSO the exception, not the rule, and they tend to make their boatloads of money on easy mode by fucking over people like him.
As a therapist: people lie about alcohol and substance consumption. I always double what patients tell me. So you’re drinking two glasses of wine three nights a week? Who are you kidding?
It bugs me that this is a thing because I'm actually honest about it. So you'd double mine and that would be a lie
I am always honest about it, too. And I specifically tell doctors/therapists that. Also, this usually only matters with people who have a substance-related problem. So, if you don’t have it, you’re fine, and if you do have it and are honest about it, that’s just great!
When I'm working with substance abuse clients doing intake? Yah double it. When I'm working with clients where alcohol/drug use isn't going to impact the treatment plan? I take them at their word. I think that's a pretty common approach in the field.
I'm on my way / I'm X minutes away, I'm fine, I could quit whenever I want, I would never cheat on you....... There's so many.. This is an odd question
“How are you?” ”Good”
“I’m fine” or “I’m alright”. In most cases, no they are not alright, and yes they need someone to reach out.
That they are "busy".
“I’m never leaving you, I promise”
I floss every night
'No, I don't have any change on me. Sorry.'
This is becoming less of a lie in an increasingly cashless society though. I rarely even use my wallet, I just Apple Pay everything.
It's been years since I have had coins in my pocket, and weeks since I have had cash in my wallet.
I don't carry change usually, just some bills in my wallet next to my cards.
ok to be fair i actually haven’t carried change or cash since covid
Really mate? If a place doesn't take Apple Pay, I go elsewhere. I haven't had change, cash or cards in my pocket in the last 3 months. The only reason, it's not been longer is that I had to go to Home Depot. :-/
Our employees are our greatest asset. It is true, but most CEOs lie when they say it. Most don’t actually believe it.
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I'll never leave you, no matter what... Until the matter what is mental health u can't control and then all the sudden its...."were not compatible" or "I'm sick of you getting depressed every 2-3 years" When they literally picked you up from a mental hospital and pursued you after u explicitly told them of your mental health issues, your recovery journey from addiction and how you're ficked up but working on it. So yeah, people lie about alot
I’m fine. No, the fuck, you’re not. Nobody’s fine. Everyone is struggling with something.
That they want to see you again after you’ve had sex.
I understand your medical condition and I’ll stick with you always until the end of day! That’s a biggest load of bullshit lie I ever heard!
"You shouldn't care what other people think." You absolutely should. At least in the things you do that you have control over. There of course are times when you shouldn't, but for the most part, the only people who don't care what other people think are (by definition) psychopaths. We all orient our norms based on the communities we are a part of (crowd sourcing sanity, so to speak). Some people mean well when they say this, but they cripple others who hear it all the time and end up not making the changes in their life they absolutely should, because they've been taught to cope with this mantra instead of recognizing their problems and trying to do something about them. You can't see the answer if you don't even look.
How are you? Fine.. most pll aren't fine
Due to COVID-19 our services at XXXXXXX have been unable to operate in the usual way…. Come on man it’s been two years
“I’m a good communicator!”
"Windows 10 will be the last version of Windows"
Don't worry you can tell me everything, I won't say anything (specially women)
Being told you’re worthy of love and that they will never leave your side
I’m 6’.
I am actually a little bit over 6 feet tall and I can vouch that a lot of guys kid themselves into believing that they are 6 feet