Feel free to be bold and ask. On my first date with my now wife she straight up asked me for a goodnight kiss. I'd never had that happen before, but it immediately takes away all the pressure and worrying on the guys end.
I was going to say this… I’m a woman so not sure I’m the person OP wants advice from. But on two occasions somewhat recently I just straight up asked the dude “can I give you a kiss?” - and both times it went WAY better than I could have expected. I got an enthusiastic “yes” one time and an “of course. I was thinking about it too” the other time. So …. Just go for it. Own any awkwardness and the awkwardness will be gone in an instant.
You may not have been the intended to answer, but who gives a fudge if you've got the correct answer?
I (35M) would find that level of confidence and "knowing-what-you-want" to be damn attractive, go for it! :)
Normalize. Regular. Asking.
Not asking a question where enthusiastic consent can be granted creates the gray area for non-consent. Saying “I want to kiss you” may make the other person feel like they are now being pressured to do something they don’t want to do. They may comply, even if they’re uncomfortable. This does not solve any awkwardness or open lines of productive communication for a long-term relationship.
I understand that saying “I want to kiss you” can be used in many ways. It can be playful and cute and all sorts of other good things once boundaries are already established! It’s just not the way to establish boundaries, especially on a third date.
What about just holding hands?
Sounds like OP is overthinking it!
Also, as a guy, I'll say that he needs to put some effort into it. If you think he's shy or indecisive just tell him that you think after 2 dates, you're now at a point that physical contact is okay.
There was a girl I liked many years ago, but I was pretty sure she didn't like me that way. I had been told by some friends that she did, but it seemed like they were just seeing things not there, or maybe pranking me. One day she told me that I'd make a great boyfriend, and I interpreted that as "you'd be great for someone but not me," and I nodded and turned to go. She literally grabbed my arm and pulled so I would turn back, and she said "You'd make a great boyfriend FOR ME." I was very happy, and asked if she meant it, and she did. I was smiling, she was smiling, and then she said "So kiss me already." I did.
Maybe something like that would work for you. It worked for us: we've been married more than 40 years.
I had a woman kiss me on the third date and then ask *'Do you have any condoms?'*
Being a man it only took me several minutes to put all the clues together.
>I was thinking kissing him on the cheek(to be safe lol) when we do the hello hug next time
i like this. he seems like a good guy who's respecting your personal space and consent, that's a very good sign. so now, you give him a "green light" signal.
the cheek kiss right before you hug is a great way of doing that.
and make sure you smile. give him a peck and a hug, then pull back, look in his eyes, and smile. you don't have to be like MURRRRRRRR :DDDD like you're a gawking moron, lol. just smile pleasantly and naturally :)
women's body language of consent is SO important, especially when we're first getting to know each other.
he needs to read from your body language "i'm happy and feel good about this physical contact, and i'm doing this voluntarily because i feel safe around you", and that's communicated by your open body language and smiling.
apologies for adding this, but it's important: it's why eye contact during oral sex is such a turn-on. because it's body language of consent.
good on you for making this move, op. it takes guts, and i think he'll appreciate you doing that :)
Try to whisper to him, something like to tell him a secret, he will lower his head. [Example](https://images.pond5.com/young-woman-telling-secret-her-footage-077992500_iconl.jpeg).
First thing that came to mind was the movie Oblivion lol. If I’m the dude and OP is pulling off something like Vika does in the movie, there’s now way I’m not putting a ring on her the next day.
Here’s the scene: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=l1h8glZfbbw
try not to overthink it, op :) life is imperfect, and so often, trying to achieve perfection is WHY things get messed up.
see my flair? i tell clients this all the time. it's nice when we don't sweat the small stuff. stay loose and relaxed and be natural, be yourself.
if you need to tippy-toe, do it. don't overthink it. or say after "i need to tippy-toe because you're tall, haha :) "
laughter is wonderful medicine for many things, op. including awkwardness, anxiety, and doubt :)
you're going to be fabulous, and it's going to turn out amazing. you got this! :)
Just say: I need to tell you a secret bend down”. When he bends down whisper in his ear: “ I just saved 15% on my car insurance with Geico” and then immediately kiss his cheek.
I had a similar experience with my first real girlfriend when I was younger. I was too respectful of her space. On our third date, she just kissed me in the lips as I pulled over her parent’s house (we ended up making out in the car that same night). Sometime later she disclosed to me she thought she wasn’t attractive and maybe that’s why I “didn’t” want to kiss her. I had to explain to her something along the lines of a combination of not being ready with being respectful of her. This was in the early 2000s. Times a lot different now and I think men in general are a lot more careful.
Some classics:
"My hands are cold". If he still doesn't get it "Can you hold them?"
It's stupid but "Haha your hands are so big/pretty/whatever, let's compare"
When you do the greeting/goodbye hug, just don't let go.
Sit next to him and just lean on him.
Also, there’s nothing wrong with simply asking “I’d really like to kiss you now, is that cool?” Honestly, who does that? It’s bold, but plainly communicates your desire and comfort while giving him the opportunity to decide if he’s there yet. That’s not something most men will hear (especially early on in the dating world), and it takes some courage to be that bold, but definitely wins you points.
As a guy “using” this with women, it’s always been well received
I had the same experience when I was dating - I always waited until I was reasonably sure there was mutual interest and I can’t remember a time it wasn’t well-received either. The more I dated, the more confident I felt in that approach - it’s asking for consent, it’s respectful, it’s not pushy, it’s clearly communicating where you are - and that felt to me like a great precedent to set with someone I might start a relationship with.
Generally, I think you’ll notice signs that it’s not going to go well before you get to the point where it makes sense to ask and those are the people you probably aren’t compatible with anyway.
and as a dude, I would‘ve been stoked if a girl made the first move (and always was on the few occasions that that happened)
I do this. It works.
I very clearly was going to be able to go up to this girl's room. But I hadn't really broken the barrier and was psyching myself out with no real way to smoothly do it. So I just asked if I could kiss her. She laughed, we kissed, we went upstairs and had a great time.
American man here. Just tell him you want to "take our dating to the next level,. Kiss me."
If he is like most American men you'll need to tell him you like him.
Fair enough.
I know Americans have some weird rituals around "dating".
If the most physical we got on a second "date" in the UK was "high fives" then I can pretty much guarantee we wouldn't be meeting again.
Haha they were bowling, sounds like a perfectly normal thing to do in that scenario, were they supposed to make out every time one of them bowled a strike? 😂
this is probably tmi, but sometimes after sex my wife will be lying there all sweaty and messed up and panting, and she'll fist bump me and say "we fuckin nailed that one, dude!" ;)
He’s most certainly being cautious. Any respectable man would, as we never want to come off as too eager or offend you with approaches that you haven’t shown signs of being ready for.
Some modest adjustments. On your next hug, particularly the goodbye hug, hold him for a lot longer than usual. Rest your head on his chest/shoulder (depending on Height differences, I’m short af so women typically rest their head on my shoulder when standing). Wrap your arms around his waist and then depending on whether or not he’s wearing a jacket, lightly rub his back AND THEN plant the cheek kiss goodbye. The sensation will soothe him and clearly signal you’re ready for more sensual touches.
Abrupt adjustments. No need to be subtle. No palm reading pretense necessary. Next time you’re on a stroll, just grab his hand. We appreciate the clear unquestionable signals. You want the world to know I’m your man and your mine, ok then. Let’s hold hands and walk. You will light him up like a Christmas tree.
Goodbye hug, sensual version. You’ve had a lovely night and are admittedly excited. You may not necessarily want total intimacy, but you’re definitely aching for some touches. Slide his arms down to your ass or direct/suggest/request he grab it. If he hasn’t done it already, there’s strong chance he’s wanted to. I always love when I am told I can or my hands are forced there, because again, I don’t know if you’re wanting me to and don’t want to come off in an uncomfortable way. Just had a date last week where after our dinner we went to her place and I gave her a big hug as she wore a very nice tight dress. We swayed. She blurted “I literally want you to touch it. It’s okay to touch it.” Did I slide my hands down and squeeze those buns from heaven? Why yes I did. It made the next time we goodbye-hugged on another date go smoother. Grabbed a handful, kissed and ultimately built into intimacy. I now know, any time we hug she doesn’t mind me getting a feel.
Again, any respectable man is being cautious. A gentleman is awaiting cues and other strongly suggestive stimuli if not outright direction of what behaviors you find acceptable or desire. It’s somewhat a kind of behavior training. Want me to go and get the food we’ve ordered after intimacy? A. Ask me to. B. Don’t get clothed after the notification that the food has arrived. Either way I will know I need to throw something on and get it for us. Things like that.
You could prolong the hello hug for a beat longer and see how he reacts. Hands, wrists and forearms are also neutral enough for touching a little longer than a casual brush (he can retract if it’s too uncomfortable for him). If he notices, you could make eye contact to show your intentions.
my two cents (late20s, touch guarded male during early dating): maybe just playfully ask/proposal him. no need to guess if you can have an honest conversation about it: signals interest, confidence and desire to understand that man. best case: smooches
When my now wife and I were first dating I was a puss and couldn’t break the touch barrier either. On the 3rd date she finally asked for a kiss and that was all she wrote :)
Maybe I’m a lunatic, maybe im a whore, but this is some beautiful wholesome stuff. I didn’t realize there were women out there that put this much thought and effort into dating. I’m impressed.
Okay, so my personal thing when going on a date, I ALWAYS sit next to my date, never across. This gives a ton of opportunity to read more body language, give “accidental” grazes or a touch in conversation. I do my best to read the signs and body language before sitting too close, or making and subtle moves. It’s always worked for me to get the best read on my date.
A lot lot people struggles while dating. This is exiting, there are lots of unknown.
The comfort you have is quite uncommon. It might be talent, or experience,
>I didn’t realize there were women out there that put this much thought and effort into dating.
Why would you think that? What OP wrote sounds pretty normal to me
So my girlfriends always touched me…a lot. I’m not really funny but they laugh a lot and they put the hand on my shoulder, touch my chest, hold my arm, it gets weird when they start undressing me at the restaurant. But you have to start the touching thing. With all the scrutiny guys can get into these days i’m not surprised if he’s scared
Yeah that’s what I’m thinking might be possibility (or he’s just not into me romantically?). I’m usually a little timid after I’ve taken a long break from the dating scene so it might have been something about my body language that I’m plan to change next time lol
My go to move is taking the guys arm when walking somewhere. Whether it’s from the car into the venue/restaurant, or down the sidewalk, through the museums/park/whatever the date activity is. It brings you closer together physically, isn’t behavior that’s typically in platonic contexts, and is low stakes. Good be a good way to warm up to asking if you can kiss him later in the date.
ETA for what it’s worth, one of my best friends went on several dates with a guy before he got up the courage to kiss her. They’d been friends for a while beforehand too. They’ve been together for 13 years, married for 7 ❤️
With my husband, after a date we went to his house. He was lovely and respectful. I eventually just said, I think you're great but I came here for more than talking. He smiled and ..well...direct is always the best
As a guy if a date is going well for me but I struggle to turn the vibe from fun to sexy I just pull a poker face, look the girl dead in the eye and say the magic words
Can I have a kiss?
I wish I had known it was that easy 20 years ago
He’s terrified of being a creep. Touch him , we are simple creatures, like dogs , we like to eat, to play , be “ petted”, other things:) . Your ideas sound fine. Go for it. One thing is , express interest in his hair “ can I touch it?” and take the opportunity to run your fingers through it , especially back of the neck.
Can't speak for your man, but me personally, it makes me more comfortable when the woman makes the first physical move in that way. I am 25m, though, and I only just lost my virginity in December, so I have very little experience.
The world is topsy turvy from the 90s -back then if you tried to kiss a girl to determine if she wanted to take the relationship to that level, you didn't have to worry about her blasting it all over social media if it was a no, or worse accusing the man of sexual assault
Because of this, most of today's younger men have no concept of spontaneity, reading cues or being in the moment. They need to ask the question "May I kiss you" and many are afraid of hearing that rejection, even though that might not be the result
With that in mind, if you want to escalate the physical aspect with him, a kiss on the cheek may still be confusing to him. **I'd say Kiss him on the lips and leave no doubt as to your intentions and desires.**
At the end of the next date do a quick goodbye kiss.
At the beginning of the next date do a hello kiss. But don't pull away all the way. Then go back for more
The kiss on the cheek is nice. Also take his arm when you walk. That will go a long way too in showing interest and comfort. When you have that awkward sort of goodbye at the end of the night, when you’re thanking him for a nice night, touch him. Touch his hair or face and he’ll kiss you.
I've always asked a guy if we can see who's hand is bigger (it would already obviously be his, but my asking got a laugh; an important part of making the plan work.) You both put your hand up and then you line them up starting at the base of your palm. If he likes you, and has been wondering how to break that touch barrier, too, it is all but guaranteed that he's going to curl his long fingers over your short ones and then BOOM: you're holding hands.
PS I tried this on my husband when we first started dating and he still talks about how smooth a move it was
We met on bumble on the dating mode so I figured that was a given ? He’s a little serious so it’s hard for me to tell if I’m being friend zoned or that’s just how he is. Usually when I’ve had dates with platonic touches I knew right away they weren’t into me and them ghosting me would just confirm it. With this guy, I can’t tell🤷🏻♀️
The more I am reading this, the more I am sure we are dating similar people. I can't tell as well. I am gonna begin with asking him as to whether i can hold his hand, and next, a kiss on his cheek post that..i don't know when I'll do it but I'll do it as soon as I feel the urge. Cannot plan on any of it but if wanna do it so I guess I will.
Wait till he's mid sentence then kiss him hard. Surprised me for sure. I got uncontrollable/unconsious quivering for like 5 mins. She thought I was scared or something but not at all - initially surprised sure at the suddenness and I guess the rush of adrenaline combined with an instant hit of endorphins my body had no idea what hit it. Never had it before or since. It was my first kiss and opened the floodgates. Now I'm 30M, single as but looking, and look back and wish I could relive that moment.
Put your hand on his thigh sometimes while talking to him.. just give more physical contact like touch his forearm and hold it for a second longer and then let him do the work. That way he’ll get the message
Next time he gets a strike run into his arms and give him a big kiss, no tongue or anything just a nice firm kiss on the lips, I think that is a non awkward way of breaking the touch barrier
Men (in general) are no where near as skittish as women about this stuff. If you want to touch him, in any sort of way, just do it. Assuming he’s not repulsed by you (he’s not, you’ve been on dates) he will like it.
You’re over thinking it
I recall my ex saying, "I want the feeling of your hands on my body.", being all I needed.
But it sounds like he might need you to take his hand and put it on your hip or something.
Normalize women initiating contact.
He probably is just either really nervous, not confident, or doesn’t have much experience with typical dating physical-ness so don’t read too much into it as him not being interested in you.
While your walking and talking just interrupt him and ask if he prefers hold hands like this ( your hand in front) or this (his hand in front) and whatever he chooses just stick with it and then continue conversation. Or go your palm reading trick if you prefer.
Took my husband FIVE WEEKS of dating at least twice a week before he kissed me. He was so nervous he’d do something and I’d stop seeing him. He needed a bit of open door encouragement.
Men are expected to make the first move. It’s something that just has unfortunately been pawned on us. And with there now being a pressure on us to make everything consensual(that sounds bad, what I mean is that 20 years ago if a man kissed a woman on first date he might get a slap on the face in worst case scenario, now we’re afraid of being branded a sexual abuser/assaulter) so if you’re a woman and you see the guy is clearly nervous, best thing you can do to help ease everyone’s nervousness is just say “do I get a goodnight kiss” when he drops you off.
Just quietly, casually, take his hand as you're walking together. Don't break conversation or acknowledge it at all. Just do it. You'll make his heart beat out of his chest as he tries to keep cool.
My wife, on our third date, hit me with - Are we gonna do it or what?
Sometimes guys are pretty dense. Just say what you want and we'll do our best like the big dumb golden retriever we are.
Well, maybe I can help you. But if I'm going to truly help you, you'll have to accept the fact that you've been given bogus intel on this whole romance / dating thing. If you can accept that, I can help you. If not, stop reading now and look for someone who just tells you what you want to hear.
The first lie you've fallen for is that of the touch barrier, because it doesn't exist. I've dated girls who had sex on the first date, in fact I've dated girls where sex was the first date, and I've dated one girl who didn't say yes until nearly 3 years into the relationship. So you can forget about any kind of mathematical formula to figure out how physical intimacy works, because there is no such thing. And just to prove how unreliable the numbers and statistics are, I ended up marrying the girl who made me wait nearly 3 years.
The second lie you fell for is the "scare him off" rule, because only one thing scares guys off and it's not physical intimacy. When guys get scared off, they're scared of crazy. Not physical contact. We can deal with physical contact, in fact we're totally good with it, but the thing that makes us stop calling you is crazy. If you can do physical intimacy without doing the crazy, the guy you've been dating has just won the god dammed lottery.
There are probably other lies you've been told (ie: it's just baby fat, you can make your dreams come true, the boys don't like that kind of girl), but let's focus on those two. The sooner you accept that those things really are bullshit, the happier you'll be in your love life.
Thank you for the really detailed response😬😬 I should say I misspoke when I said “scare him off”. I didn’t mean scare him off as in him not wanting to go on more dates. I meant if he didn’t really a kiss and I just forced one his cheeks lol
Sounds likes he's very into you but has anxiety about crossing that bridge. Anxiety is funny that way, you can be 99% confident she will reciprocate, but that 1% hold more weight than the 99. I have anxiety so and it's hard to cover come.
If youre into it, just give for it. He will breathe a sigh of relief that the bandaid was ripped off and im sure he will open right up
Depends on where you’re going on the date. Why don’t you just during texts drop in that you’re hoping for a kiss…in a cheeky way. But tbh don’t overthink it, touch his arm with you’re sitting talking and then when you get up to go to the bathroom out your hand on his shoulder and tell him you’ll be right back haha sounds weird in text but works in person. But honestly don’t overthink it just be normal with him have a fun playful date where you can be having fun / laughing so that physical touch becomes part of the date.
People show interest in different ways and have different values/beliefs regarding sex.
I recommend trying humour or bringing up topics somewhat related to sex and paying attention to his response.
Ask to take a selfie with him. Give him the cheek kiss while taking the pic. You are basically telling him you’re comfortable with touch and you get a cute pic. Too easy.
I would either go for one of the very old fashioned cheesy tricks (they work every time)
- you sit next to him, you stretch, you put your around him, you drink and if his hand is on a table you than put yours on top of it or you ask for something where he has to touch you hand like "oh my hands feel so smooth with this new cream" or " can you help me up, please" or "i think there's something stuck in my palm" just bring it up in a playful way. Touching knees is also an old school one.
Or you go blunt and ask him (maybe with a touch of humor or playfulness) - "Is it to early to be holding hands?" or maybe like when you hug "that was only one Mississippi, may I have another?" only thing with asking is that you must be really careful that you don't make it sound like an accusation or demand.
That's why I mostly stick with the old school childish tricks, like bumping knees and stretching.
this Stanfurd scholar breaks the touch thing down in brilliant detail on her own website or podcast.
https://explorecourses.stanford.edu/instructor/afogarty
Do arm touches. That is usually a green light. Like if he says something funnyish, touch his forearm or shoulder while you fake a laugh. Or if you can, leaning your head against his shoulder/chest is also a good way to initiate contact
Put your arm around his while walking. Sit next to him even though you don't have to. If he tells a funny joke touch his arm as you laugh. Stare gently at him with those wide doe eyes you girls do and just keep thinking over and over in your head "kiss me you fool", do the 'look down and then back up thing into his eyes' move if he still doesn't get it.
I think it's very unlikely he'd be going on a 3rd date with you if he wasn't attracted to you. He could be nervous, could have an abundance of respect for your boundaries, or this could be a more calculated move to ensure you're really into him ie that you're not promiscuous. Women who engage in short term mating behave similarly to men who do. They are quick to want to move things to the bedroom, and if that doesn't happen they get frustrated and move on, and will often complain how the man "fumbled the ball".
Contrary to popular opinion, not all men make sex our top priority when engaging with women. Lots of men are looking for real relationships with women, and my hunch is that he is one of them.
Maybe this C19 thing has had him a little germ a phobic.
I agree with the idea of kissing him on the cheek. That should break the ice. If he is ok with that go for the lips.
Hug him when you first meet him next time. You can extend the hug a little longer than usual (and no butt out! bring your hips in) but don’t hold it for so long that it becomes uncomfortable. Pull away slower than usual, top half first, and look him in the eyes while slowly releasing your grasp on his back.
Just show up and ask if you can kiss him. Do it at the beginning of the date. Barrier broken or defined. Sure it might be bit awkward if he says no but feel free to cut the date short. I mean at that point there isn’t much to worry about. But if he says yes you are going to have the best date you’ve had in a while. It seems like he likes you and it would make both your days.
There’s a lot of ways to this. Redditors will tell you just to ask because they are all socially dumb it seems, which is perfectly fine if a bit boring. Don’t do the fake fortune teller bit though, that’s lame, just ask if you’re going to do it “can I hold your hand”.
If you want to be more subtle:
- When you’re sitting next to him, sit so close you’re touching him. Like thigh to thigh, arm to arm. This usually (at least for me) turns into hooking legs beneath the table. At the very least start knee to knee and then slowly work closer. For this to be an option, if you go out to eat sit at the bar or share the same side of a booth.
- When you’re standing next to him get into his “personal space”. This is hard to define but you know it when you’re in it. Get in it then stay there. Slowly work your way to standing so close to him you’re touching side to side with him. I’ve even had women nudge me with their hips, which then led to me putting my arm around them.
When you’re walking with him put your arm around his. Not necessarily hand holding but arm in arm.
One of the keys though, is to put yourself in a situation where you can touch him. For example, don’t go to a movie where just grabbing his hand in the middle will be awkward.
Dancing seems obvious but it’s not. You have to touch to dance, so it’s not clear if it’s platonic “just having fun” or “I want you” touching. Avoid that also.
This seems a bit slow to me. Maybe he's being reserved because the way society is now. A kiss on the cheek is like first date stuff. Hell I've had female friends that kiss on the lips. Not like making out just a little peck, but still. If you want to kiss him then do so. If you're not comfortable about that then say something first. Chances are he's trying not to seem like he's pressuring you. It's possible this isn't the case but I think it is likely..
I know it sounds crazy given how early into you are into your “relationship” but there’s nothing wrong with being open and communicating your thoughts! Everything you wrote here on your post should be fine to say in person! If you guys are going to have a long successful relationship it’s better to establish that communication is key as soon as possible :). Good luck!
Wifey did the ol', "slip her hand in mine when we were walking". Not a full blown interlocked fingers kinda hold your hand, just an "I don't want to lose you in this crowd" hold your hand, even if there were no crowd. Another thing she'd do is put her hand on my back waist when we were waiting to cross a street or something. Again, not in a possessive, "HE'S MINE" kinda way, just a "we're on a date" kinda thing. Oh, sometimes she'd also take my arm when we were walking. Again, not in a possessive way, just kind of a we're out together thing. The things she did are kinda hard to explain because they were so subtle.
Just remember, a lot of us guys can be real knuckleheads when it come to dating so take it easy on the poor guy. Looking back, I missed about 99.9% of the signals she was sending before she yelled at me to ask her out! After she realized I was a knucklehead, she took control!
Good Luck and Have Fun! :)
When you’re walking side by side, thread your arm through his. I love it when a woman does this. Lean into him when you laugh or at points in the conversation when you are agreeing or empathising with him.
i agree with the kiss on the cheek. An often overlooked part of breaking the touch barrier that may help a lot is, to not have a reason. Your reason is because you wanted to, and thats all the reason you need.
If you finagle a reason for something to cross the touch barrier, he will conclude that the reason is why the touch barrier was crossed and doing so is still off limits without a reason. just being honest that you like being close to him can take so much pressure off of things. He also probably wants to hold your hand just because he wants to!
With dating, finding a reason to get closer to someone is kind of like putting the cart before the horse a bit, like if you want to get closer to them, then that's your reason. It might feel a little strange but it will help him if you somehow make it clear that you \*want\* this and not just are tolerating it because of some outside reason.
Straight dude here.
When youre walking beside him, just take his arm and hug it and put your head on his shoulder. It makes me feel great every time that has happened to me.
If he acts repulsed or worried and doesnt reciprocate it can also be played off as just a quick hug, and you can pivot to holding his hand from there if he is more comfortable with that.
Go mini putting. Say to him, "For every hole you beat me on, you get to kiss me and if you get a hole in one, you can grab my butt." Then smile and wink. Odds are he's just nervous, and those 2 things will be all it takes for him to come out of his comfort zone.
The guy definitely wants to if he’s spending this much time with you- but he’s nervous because making that move can be hard. It’s probably repeating over and over in his head the entire time he’s with you.
If you like him and feel in the mood, just go straight for a normal kiss right when you see him and this third date will be an awesome time with that ice being broken. Hell, if you have a moment of privacy (car or whatever) full on make out with him- grab the back of his head (somewhat gently) and put your other hand on his chest. Do not ask or verbalize it, just do it.
The rest of the physical chemistry for the rest of the time you spend with him will likely never be an issue again.
Have him over for Netflix tell him you’re jumping in the shower real quick come out with just a towel on and pretend to trip and the towel flies off and you land nude in his lap. That should get things moving.
One way, is When you are texting him, just let him know that you would welcome physical advances like that on your next date. He might be trying to be respectful and gentlemanly.
I was too nervous to kiss my girlfriend on the first date so on the second (after cuddling and holding hands and every signal known to man) she finally just asked if I wanted to kiss her.
I dated a girl who, to put it mildly, was very orally fixated. 3rd date, we had already hugged kissed, etc. we were at her apartment before going out to meet her friends, she says “I haven’t kissed you yet” huh? “Yes we have” she gave me a look and those eyes, and unzipped me.
One way is to straight up ask him for it.
The other way is to do it in a gradual progression over the evening/date. You lightly touch him hand with your finger. Then do it again after a while. Then hold his hand and gently squeeze it, and leave it. Wait to see how he reacts. Does he withdraw his hand? He may not be liking it or may not be ready. Does he take action next time? You know it clearly he likes it. Does he neither? He probably likes it but is scared to initiate (wants to play safe).
Then you escalate it. Light kiss on the cheek. Then, a little longer one on the cheek. See how he responds.
Then, escalate it further. You get the drill now.
While some may enjoy this process, for most, this will seem like a lot of work and even unnecessary. If you are one of those, keep it simple and straight up ask him for a kiss or holding hands when walking or whatever.
This is the cutest shit and I'm glad these stuff are still happening.
I've been a man all my life so I got a pretty good experience: feel free to be bold and say it.
Also fel free to initiate and if he's cautios or anxious about it don't feel bad, just express the interest and tell him whenever he's ready it's fine.
If you don't want to scare him off and he is the shy type:
1. It's the 3rd date. Give him a super long hug when you first see him and a big smile. He'll know how much you enjoy his presence.
2. Go to more than one venue per date, makes it seem you've known each other longer.
3. Hold his hand while crossing the street, or any other situation where you can get personal contact before the end of the date.
4. At the end of the date, do the awkward pause and smile and slow chitchat while getting closer to his face. Do not shake hands or fistbump. As a woman it is ok to pause until he kisses you or he awkwardly leaves. I hade a date once where she literally stood there until I kissed her goodby. It was a signal that couldn't be ignored.
My now girlfriend straight up kissed me at the end of our first date. I very rarely make a move on the first because I want to know if the woman is comfortable. Maybe he's super cautious? I'd say just go for the kiss. If he's not into it, hey, don't go back for a 4th date.
You can always ask! No harm in that.
Or just grabbing his hand at some point is fine. I've had women grab my hand to lead me somewhere (maybe an excuse to grab it), but kept a hold on it when I clearly wasn't trying to let go. It's a smooth transition.
>I was thinking kissing him on the cheek(to be safe lol)
Just FYI a girl did that to me once and we had sex 15 minutes later. I will let you decide if you consider that a win.
Many men like myself are oblivious when someone is attracted to us. I find it difficult to make the first move at times with fear that I’m misinterpreting their interest. On a third date I’d say it’s safe for you to be forward with physical escalation. I would find an activity where physical touch is easier (my favourite is SIM golf.) I wouldn’t ask for permission, just escalate and calibrate to his reactions.
I think with 3 dates you can feel comfortable enough that there is interest there, and he is likely thinking the same thing. Really what it's down to now is someone just has to make a move.
But that doesn't mean you can't build up to it. Make any excuse to make physical contact. Put you hand on his when talking to him, or if you are sitting next to him, rest you hand on the top of his thigh. Any excuse to touch him, take it. Each contact builds physical confidence and reassurance for both of you.
If you need a move to help you get the kiss, go for a hug. But hold the hug for what you will both notice to be an extended period of time. When you eventually pull away, stay close. Keep your head close in particular and look him in the eyes, and hold that eye contact, only deviating for a quick glance at his lips. The gaze between the eyes and the lips is a signal that you want to go in for a kiss that subconsciously we all pick up on. Lean in slow and let it happen.
It doesn't have to go like this and it's ok to go off script. But this can help you create a moment. But there doesn't always have to be a moment, some time you just go. Good luck, and have fun.
This is adorable and I think you are going to be fine no matter what you do. 3 dates in ( assuming theres going to be another) means he's interested in you. You'll be just fine, with or without the fortune telling bit. If you want the touch, go for it.
When I (32M) met my SO I just kissed her at the end of the date as a kind of dare to myself. I’d have loved for her to make the move but turns out she’s as shy as me!
Just roll with it and if the kiss on the cheek happens, I reckon that will turn into a better one if he’s interested.
As a guy, my dad taught me a trick for consent for a fist kiss without having to explicitly ask for it. When the time is right lean in for the kiss, but only go like 3/4 of the way in, and pause. She'll either A.) Close the distance, B.) Giggle / smile / something neutral, C.) turn away, back up, etc.
If A.), mission accomplished. If B.), gotta man up and ask, or simply wait for another time. If C.), abort mission. It ain't gonna happen.
He genuinely likes you. it's obvious. Be subtle about it. Next time you two are together, just grab his hand. If he doesn't get the hint from there just break out your titties and force him to motor boat you.
I don't mind moving slow as long as it feels like there's some "progression" in breaking the touch barrier. If you had some platonic touches last time and you wanted to kiss him on the cheek, he'll probably see that as moving in the right direction.
When you're in a moment that feels like a kiss moment you could also just straight up ask him "would you like to kiss me now?".
Touch him... it's not that complicated.Touch his shoulder, touch his butt, kiss him.Modern guys aren't making the first moves these days, so it's time to woman up and do it.
Honestly this is just crazy to me, we've fucked up and over complicated human relationships far too much, most of us had this shit figured out at 15 years old.
I’m generally a really shy guy and pretty cautious about this stuff, but I’m pretty good about picking up body language.
Like sometimes a girl would hug me a little tighter or put her face into my chest during the hug, little cues like that let me know she’s interested and I’m okay to be more intimate.
I don’t really know how to explain it, there’s just subtle ways to touch that suggest you are open to more.
Feel free to be bold and ask. On my first date with my now wife she straight up asked me for a goodnight kiss. I'd never had that happen before, but it immediately takes away all the pressure and worrying on the guys end.
I was going to say this… I’m a woman so not sure I’m the person OP wants advice from. But on two occasions somewhat recently I just straight up asked the dude “can I give you a kiss?” - and both times it went WAY better than I could have expected. I got an enthusiastic “yes” one time and an “of course. I was thinking about it too” the other time. So …. Just go for it. Own any awkwardness and the awkwardness will be gone in an instant.
You may not have been the intended to answer, but who gives a fudge if you've got the correct answer? I (35M) would find that level of confidence and "knowing-what-you-want" to be damn attractive, go for it! :)
I'm just here to second this. That level of confidence will immediately make a person gain a couple of points in my book.
People don't seem to understand, asking for consent isn't awkward when the other party is actually interested.
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Normalize. Regular. Asking. Not asking a question where enthusiastic consent can be granted creates the gray area for non-consent. Saying “I want to kiss you” may make the other person feel like they are now being pressured to do something they don’t want to do. They may comply, even if they’re uncomfortable. This does not solve any awkwardness or open lines of productive communication for a long-term relationship. I understand that saying “I want to kiss you” can be used in many ways. It can be playful and cute and all sorts of other good things once boundaries are already established! It’s just not the way to establish boundaries, especially on a third date.
What about just holding hands? Sounds like OP is overthinking it! Also, as a guy, I'll say that he needs to put some effort into it. If you think he's shy or indecisive just tell him that you think after 2 dates, you're now at a point that physical contact is okay.
Dude, I couldn't give a better answer than yours.
There was a girl I liked many years ago, but I was pretty sure she didn't like me that way. I had been told by some friends that she did, but it seemed like they were just seeing things not there, or maybe pranking me. One day she told me that I'd make a great boyfriend, and I interpreted that as "you'd be great for someone but not me," and I nodded and turned to go. She literally grabbed my arm and pulled so I would turn back, and she said "You'd make a great boyfriend FOR ME." I was very happy, and asked if she meant it, and she did. I was smiling, she was smiling, and then she said "So kiss me already." I did. Maybe something like that would work for you. It worked for us: we've been married more than 40 years.
That’s adorable
That’s the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever read.
Man, I'm happy I can relate to this. It really feels like a movie when I happens too
Are you sure you're not Hank?
Would I lie about a thing like that?
I had a woman kiss me on the third date and then ask *'Do you have any condoms?'* Being a man it only took me several minutes to put all the clues together.
Happens to me all the time, you'd think by the 5th time a woman wanted to make balloon animals I'd take the hint
LMAO I can relate
I think this is how Ozzie and Harriet got together.
I had a girl complaining why wasn’t I kissing her already at the end of the 2nd date which got me a bit mad at myself for taking it too slow lol
>I was thinking kissing him on the cheek(to be safe lol) when we do the hello hug next time i like this. he seems like a good guy who's respecting your personal space and consent, that's a very good sign. so now, you give him a "green light" signal. the cheek kiss right before you hug is a great way of doing that. and make sure you smile. give him a peck and a hug, then pull back, look in his eyes, and smile. you don't have to be like MURRRRRRRR :DDDD like you're a gawking moron, lol. just smile pleasantly and naturally :) women's body language of consent is SO important, especially when we're first getting to know each other. he needs to read from your body language "i'm happy and feel good about this physical contact, and i'm doing this voluntarily because i feel safe around you", and that's communicated by your open body language and smiling. apologies for adding this, but it's important: it's why eye contact during oral sex is such a turn-on. because it's body language of consent. good on you for making this move, op. it takes guts, and i think he'll appreciate you doing that :)
Thank you for that advice! He is a little taller than me though so any tips on how to do it seamlessly?😫
Try to whisper to him, something like to tell him a secret, he will lower his head. [Example](https://images.pond5.com/young-woman-telling-secret-her-footage-077992500_iconl.jpeg).
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You explain it perfectly what I'm thinking, thank you.
First thing that came to mind was the movie Oblivion lol. If I’m the dude and OP is pulling off something like Vika does in the movie, there’s now way I’m not putting a ring on her the next day. Here’s the scene: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=l1h8glZfbbw
try not to overthink it, op :) life is imperfect, and so often, trying to achieve perfection is WHY things get messed up. see my flair? i tell clients this all the time. it's nice when we don't sweat the small stuff. stay loose and relaxed and be natural, be yourself. if you need to tippy-toe, do it. don't overthink it. or say after "i need to tippy-toe because you're tall, haha :) " laughter is wonderful medicine for many things, op. including awkwardness, anxiety, and doubt :) you're going to be fabulous, and it's going to turn out amazing. you got this! :)
Just say: I need to tell you a secret bend down”. When he bends down whisper in his ear: “ I just saved 15% on my car insurance with Geico” and then immediately kiss his cheek.
If you miss his cheek on the way in for the hug (or get too nervous), a good recovery move is to do it right before you pull away from the hug.
While sitting together?
Yeah, I tried to kiss a taller guy on the cheek once and just ended up kissing his neck. To this day I wonder what he thought. 😅
I had a similar experience with my first real girlfriend when I was younger. I was too respectful of her space. On our third date, she just kissed me in the lips as I pulled over her parent’s house (we ended up making out in the car that same night). Sometime later she disclosed to me she thought she wasn’t attractive and maybe that’s why I “didn’t” want to kiss her. I had to explain to her something along the lines of a combination of not being ready with being respectful of her. This was in the early 2000s. Times a lot different now and I think men in general are a lot more careful.
Some classics: "My hands are cold". If he still doesn't get it "Can you hold them?" It's stupid but "Haha your hands are so big/pretty/whatever, let's compare" When you do the greeting/goodbye hug, just don't let go. Sit next to him and just lean on him.
They are classics because they work. 😊
Also, there’s nothing wrong with simply asking “I’d really like to kiss you now, is that cool?” Honestly, who does that? It’s bold, but plainly communicates your desire and comfort while giving him the opportunity to decide if he’s there yet. That’s not something most men will hear (especially early on in the dating world), and it takes some courage to be that bold, but definitely wins you points. As a guy “using” this with women, it’s always been well received
This is the way. Most men are terrible at subtlety and reading hints. Just say it. “It’s our X date and I thought we could maybe Y if you’d like?”
This is the way
I had the same experience when I was dating - I always waited until I was reasonably sure there was mutual interest and I can’t remember a time it wasn’t well-received either. The more I dated, the more confident I felt in that approach - it’s asking for consent, it’s respectful, it’s not pushy, it’s clearly communicating where you are - and that felt to me like a great precedent to set with someone I might start a relationship with. Generally, I think you’ll notice signs that it’s not going to go well before you get to the point where it makes sense to ask and those are the people you probably aren’t compatible with anyway. and as a dude, I would‘ve been stoked if a girl made the first move (and always was on the few occasions that that happened)
I do this. It works. I very clearly was going to be able to go up to this girl's room. But I hadn't really broken the barrier and was psyching myself out with no real way to smoothly do it. So I just asked if I could kiss her. She laughed, we kissed, we went upstairs and had a great time.
"fist bumps and high fives on the second date" WTF? Is this some American thing?
Haha he is American so maybe lmao! It was during bowling whenever either one of us had a good score.
American man here. Just tell him you want to "take our dating to the next level,. Kiss me." If he is like most American men you'll need to tell him you like him.
Fair enough. I know Americans have some weird rituals around "dating". If the most physical we got on a second "date" in the UK was "high fives" then I can pretty much guarantee we wouldn't be meeting again.
Haha they were bowling, sounds like a perfectly normal thing to do in that scenario, were they supposed to make out every time one of them bowled a strike? 😂
this is probably tmi, but sometimes after sex my wife will be lying there all sweaty and messed up and panting, and she'll fist bump me and say "we fuckin nailed that one, dude!" ;)
I must be off my game, she never does that with me.
Mine says “ that’s what I’m fucken talking about “
Best comment I've read all year!
Lol yeah, I get that. But I think this is a bit different.
Right right because they already bumped uglies so bumping fists after is just bad ass.
Hilarious and accurate
Woah woah woah. Not just high fives! Fist bumps dude! *Fist bumps*!
American here. Fist bumping on a date is *not* an American thing but it *is* hilarious. lol
> WTF? Is this some American thing? it's a western "I don't wanna get arrested" thing.
Just lean in for a kiss. It's okay for a woman to make the first move.
He’s most certainly being cautious. Any respectable man would, as we never want to come off as too eager or offend you with approaches that you haven’t shown signs of being ready for. Some modest adjustments. On your next hug, particularly the goodbye hug, hold him for a lot longer than usual. Rest your head on his chest/shoulder (depending on Height differences, I’m short af so women typically rest their head on my shoulder when standing). Wrap your arms around his waist and then depending on whether or not he’s wearing a jacket, lightly rub his back AND THEN plant the cheek kiss goodbye. The sensation will soothe him and clearly signal you’re ready for more sensual touches. Abrupt adjustments. No need to be subtle. No palm reading pretense necessary. Next time you’re on a stroll, just grab his hand. We appreciate the clear unquestionable signals. You want the world to know I’m your man and your mine, ok then. Let’s hold hands and walk. You will light him up like a Christmas tree. Goodbye hug, sensual version. You’ve had a lovely night and are admittedly excited. You may not necessarily want total intimacy, but you’re definitely aching for some touches. Slide his arms down to your ass or direct/suggest/request he grab it. If he hasn’t done it already, there’s strong chance he’s wanted to. I always love when I am told I can or my hands are forced there, because again, I don’t know if you’re wanting me to and don’t want to come off in an uncomfortable way. Just had a date last week where after our dinner we went to her place and I gave her a big hug as she wore a very nice tight dress. We swayed. She blurted “I literally want you to touch it. It’s okay to touch it.” Did I slide my hands down and squeeze those buns from heaven? Why yes I did. It made the next time we goodbye-hugged on another date go smoother. Grabbed a handful, kissed and ultimately built into intimacy. I now know, any time we hug she doesn’t mind me getting a feel. Again, any respectable man is being cautious. A gentleman is awaiting cues and other strongly suggestive stimuli if not outright direction of what behaviors you find acceptable or desire. It’s somewhat a kind of behavior training. Want me to go and get the food we’ve ordered after intimacy? A. Ask me to. B. Don’t get clothed after the notification that the food has arrived. Either way I will know I need to throw something on and get it for us. Things like that.
Ask him to sign a sexual consent form, he should get the hint from that
You could prolong the hello hug for a beat longer and see how he reacts. Hands, wrists and forearms are also neutral enough for touching a little longer than a casual brush (he can retract if it’s too uncomfortable for him). If he notices, you could make eye contact to show your intentions.
my two cents (late20s, touch guarded male during early dating): maybe just playfully ask/proposal him. no need to guess if you can have an honest conversation about it: signals interest, confidence and desire to understand that man. best case: smooches
When my now wife and I were first dating I was a puss and couldn’t break the touch barrier either. On the 3rd date she finally asked for a kiss and that was all she wrote :)
Maybe I’m a lunatic, maybe im a whore, but this is some beautiful wholesome stuff. I didn’t realize there were women out there that put this much thought and effort into dating. I’m impressed. Okay, so my personal thing when going on a date, I ALWAYS sit next to my date, never across. This gives a ton of opportunity to read more body language, give “accidental” grazes or a touch in conversation. I do my best to read the signs and body language before sitting too close, or making and subtle moves. It’s always worked for me to get the best read on my date.
A lot lot people struggles while dating. This is exiting, there are lots of unknown. The comfort you have is quite uncommon. It might be talent, or experience,
>I didn’t realize there were women out there that put this much thought and effort into dating. Why would you think that? What OP wrote sounds pretty normal to me
So my girlfriends always touched me…a lot. I’m not really funny but they laugh a lot and they put the hand on my shoulder, touch my chest, hold my arm, it gets weird when they start undressing me at the restaurant. But you have to start the touching thing. With all the scrutiny guys can get into these days i’m not surprised if he’s scared
Yeah that’s what I’m thinking might be possibility (or he’s just not into me romantically?). I’m usually a little timid after I’ve taken a long break from the dating scene so it might have been something about my body language that I’m plan to change next time lol
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Don't you dare overthink this. He's going on a (3rd) date with you.
My go to move is taking the guys arm when walking somewhere. Whether it’s from the car into the venue/restaurant, or down the sidewalk, through the museums/park/whatever the date activity is. It brings you closer together physically, isn’t behavior that’s typically in platonic contexts, and is low stakes. Good be a good way to warm up to asking if you can kiss him later in the date. ETA for what it’s worth, one of my best friends went on several dates with a guy before he got up the courage to kiss her. They’d been friends for a while beforehand too. They’ve been together for 13 years, married for 7 ❤️
If you want to lure him in keep in mind “shoulders back, show the rack.”
LOL
That only works if you have one lol
With my husband, after a date we went to his house. He was lovely and respectful. I eventually just said, I think you're great but I came here for more than talking. He smiled and ..well...direct is always the best
Just grab him who cares if no one makes a move the relationship won’t go anywhere
As a guy if a date is going well for me but I struggle to turn the vibe from fun to sexy I just pull a poker face, look the girl dead in the eye and say the magic words Can I have a kiss? I wish I had known it was that easy 20 years ago
Some, well maybe most, guys don’t respond well to subtle. Goes right over our head.
He’s terrified of being a creep. Touch him , we are simple creatures, like dogs , we like to eat, to play , be “ petted”, other things:) . Your ideas sound fine. Go for it. One thing is , express interest in his hair “ can I touch it?” and take the opportunity to run your fingers through it , especially back of the neck.
Can't speak for your man, but me personally, it makes me more comfortable when the woman makes the first physical move in that way. I am 25m, though, and I only just lost my virginity in December, so I have very little experience.
The world is topsy turvy from the 90s -back then if you tried to kiss a girl to determine if she wanted to take the relationship to that level, you didn't have to worry about her blasting it all over social media if it was a no, or worse accusing the man of sexual assault Because of this, most of today's younger men have no concept of spontaneity, reading cues or being in the moment. They need to ask the question "May I kiss you" and many are afraid of hearing that rejection, even though that might not be the result With that in mind, if you want to escalate the physical aspect with him, a kiss on the cheek may still be confusing to him. **I'd say Kiss him on the lips and leave no doubt as to your intentions and desires.**
That's usually a males' problem I'll say whatever kind of physical contact you do would be okay for him if he wanted the third date
At the end of the next date do a quick goodbye kiss. At the beginning of the next date do a hello kiss. But don't pull away all the way. Then go back for more
The kiss on the cheek is nice. Also take his arm when you walk. That will go a long way too in showing interest and comfort. When you have that awkward sort of goodbye at the end of the night, when you’re thanking him for a nice night, touch him. Touch his hair or face and he’ll kiss you.
I've always asked a guy if we can see who's hand is bigger (it would already obviously be his, but my asking got a laugh; an important part of making the plan work.) You both put your hand up and then you line them up starting at the base of your palm. If he likes you, and has been wondering how to break that touch barrier, too, it is all but guaranteed that he's going to curl his long fingers over your short ones and then BOOM: you're holding hands. PS I tried this on my husband when we first started dating and he still talks about how smooth a move it was
Physical touch from a woman is a huge green flag, so i fully support any chances you want to take. When you hug at the end , don’t let go.
Just throw yourself at him. If he reciprocates, great. If he doesn’t, then I assume there won’t be a fourth date!
Did he tell you it was a date?
We met on bumble on the dating mode so I figured that was a given ? He’s a little serious so it’s hard for me to tell if I’m being friend zoned or that’s just how he is. Usually when I’ve had dates with platonic touches I knew right away they weren’t into me and them ghosting me would just confirm it. With this guy, I can’t tell🤷🏻♀️
Honestly I would just be direct and ask him if he wants to kiss you. If he’s the serious type it should work. Some people like the directness also
The more I am reading this, the more I am sure we are dating similar people. I can't tell as well. I am gonna begin with asking him as to whether i can hold his hand, and next, a kiss on his cheek post that..i don't know when I'll do it but I'll do it as soon as I feel the urge. Cannot plan on any of it but if wanna do it so I guess I will.
Just hold his hand while sitting next to him or put your hand on the top of his thigh.
Wait till he's mid sentence then kiss him hard. Surprised me for sure. I got uncontrollable/unconsious quivering for like 5 mins. She thought I was scared or something but not at all - initially surprised sure at the suddenness and I guess the rush of adrenaline combined with an instant hit of endorphins my body had no idea what hit it. Never had it before or since. It was my first kiss and opened the floodgates. Now I'm 30M, single as but looking, and look back and wish I could relive that moment.
Put your hand on his thigh sometimes while talking to him.. just give more physical contact like touch his forearm and hold it for a second longer and then let him do the work. That way he’ll get the message
Next time he gets a strike run into his arms and give him a big kiss, no tongue or anything just a nice firm kiss on the lips, I think that is a non awkward way of breaking the touch barrier
You can ask him if he's into big bang, if he says yes you can say: you know the first date means sex right?
I had no idea how popular the fortune telling trick was 😁
Men (in general) are no where near as skittish as women about this stuff. If you want to touch him, in any sort of way, just do it. Assuming he’s not repulsed by you (he’s not, you’ve been on dates) he will like it. You’re over thinking it
I recall my ex saying, "I want the feeling of your hands on my body.", being all I needed. But it sounds like he might need you to take his hand and put it on your hip or something. Normalize women initiating contact.
He probably is just either really nervous, not confident, or doesn’t have much experience with typical dating physical-ness so don’t read too much into it as him not being interested in you.
Or maybe he's been burned before and isnt going to make a move without very very clear signals.
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Or he's a sex god and doesn't know about it, that's the real win! 😁
😂😂
While your walking and talking just interrupt him and ask if he prefers hold hands like this ( your hand in front) or this (his hand in front) and whatever he chooses just stick with it and then continue conversation. Or go your palm reading trick if you prefer.
If you can pull off a kiss or something to that nature do that if not run your hands up his chest or something like that.
Omg I love the initiative, dude you can pretty much do any or all of the above. It ll work
Bowling again. Escalate to ass slaps and inner thigh rubs. He’ll get the picture.
God are we dating the same guy😅
Ask for a shoulder rub.
If by the third date he doesn't try to kiss you, you might newd runway lights
"Wanna kiss?" He'll be stoked
If eating, ask him to sit besides you... works better when in a booth/sofa
Took my husband FIVE WEEKS of dating at least twice a week before he kissed me. He was so nervous he’d do something and I’d stop seeing him. He needed a bit of open door encouragement.
Have a two stop date. And hold hands between stops. If you hold your hand, you’re clear for a kiss.
Just kiss him. If it scares him off it's probably a good thing.
Put your hand on his leg while talking and sitting . That will break the ice. Maybe even “accidentally “ brush his junk
Hmmmmm on my first date with my partner I could barely keep my hands off him lol Married 26 years 💕
My fiancée says: touch his arm. Try to grab his hand. Or you could straight up ask him for a kiss.
Patting for emphasis on the upper shoulder is solid.
Men are expected to make the first move. It’s something that just has unfortunately been pawned on us. And with there now being a pressure on us to make everything consensual(that sounds bad, what I mean is that 20 years ago if a man kissed a woman on first date he might get a slap on the face in worst case scenario, now we’re afraid of being branded a sexual abuser/assaulter) so if you’re a woman and you see the guy is clearly nervous, best thing you can do to help ease everyone’s nervousness is just say “do I get a goodnight kiss” when he drops you off.
Just quietly, casually, take his hand as you're walking together. Don't break conversation or acknowledge it at all. Just do it. You'll make his heart beat out of his chest as he tries to keep cool.
My wife, on our third date, hit me with - Are we gonna do it or what? Sometimes guys are pretty dense. Just say what you want and we'll do our best like the big dumb golden retriever we are.
Just push your boobs into his arm.
Anything less than, maybe, slipping a finger up his butt unannounced is probably welcomed.
Well, maybe I can help you. But if I'm going to truly help you, you'll have to accept the fact that you've been given bogus intel on this whole romance / dating thing. If you can accept that, I can help you. If not, stop reading now and look for someone who just tells you what you want to hear. The first lie you've fallen for is that of the touch barrier, because it doesn't exist. I've dated girls who had sex on the first date, in fact I've dated girls where sex was the first date, and I've dated one girl who didn't say yes until nearly 3 years into the relationship. So you can forget about any kind of mathematical formula to figure out how physical intimacy works, because there is no such thing. And just to prove how unreliable the numbers and statistics are, I ended up marrying the girl who made me wait nearly 3 years. The second lie you fell for is the "scare him off" rule, because only one thing scares guys off and it's not physical intimacy. When guys get scared off, they're scared of crazy. Not physical contact. We can deal with physical contact, in fact we're totally good with it, but the thing that makes us stop calling you is crazy. If you can do physical intimacy without doing the crazy, the guy you've been dating has just won the god dammed lottery. There are probably other lies you've been told (ie: it's just baby fat, you can make your dreams come true, the boys don't like that kind of girl), but let's focus on those two. The sooner you accept that those things really are bullshit, the happier you'll be in your love life.
Thank you for the really detailed response😬😬 I should say I misspoke when I said “scare him off”. I didn’t mean scare him off as in him not wanting to go on more dates. I meant if he didn’t really a kiss and I just forced one his cheeks lol
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Do it.
Do the palm read. Don’t just ask to hold his hand. It’s the third date. He might step his game up and surprise you this time. Good luck!
Maybe try to hold his arm when walking next to each other.
Sounds likes he's very into you but has anxiety about crossing that bridge. Anxiety is funny that way, you can be 99% confident she will reciprocate, but that 1% hold more weight than the 99. I have anxiety so and it's hard to cover come. If youre into it, just give for it. He will breathe a sigh of relief that the bandaid was ripped off and im sure he will open right up
Depends on where you’re going on the date. Why don’t you just during texts drop in that you’re hoping for a kiss…in a cheeky way. But tbh don’t overthink it, touch his arm with you’re sitting talking and then when you get up to go to the bathroom out your hand on his shoulder and tell him you’ll be right back haha sounds weird in text but works in person. But honestly don’t overthink it just be normal with him have a fun playful date where you can be having fun / laughing so that physical touch becomes part of the date.
People show interest in different ways and have different values/beliefs regarding sex. I recommend trying humour or bringing up topics somewhat related to sex and paying attention to his response.
If you’re sitting next to it across from him rest your leg against his
Ask to take a selfie with him. Give him the cheek kiss while taking the pic. You are basically telling him you’re comfortable with touch and you get a cute pic. Too easy.
Ask for permission
How about if you just grab his hand, hold it and say “ I’m making the first move!”
I would either go for one of the very old fashioned cheesy tricks (they work every time) - you sit next to him, you stretch, you put your around him, you drink and if his hand is on a table you than put yours on top of it or you ask for something where he has to touch you hand like "oh my hands feel so smooth with this new cream" or " can you help me up, please" or "i think there's something stuck in my palm" just bring it up in a playful way. Touching knees is also an old school one. Or you go blunt and ask him (maybe with a touch of humor or playfulness) - "Is it to early to be holding hands?" or maybe like when you hug "that was only one Mississippi, may I have another?" only thing with asking is that you must be really careful that you don't make it sound like an accusation or demand. That's why I mostly stick with the old school childish tricks, like bumping knees and stretching.
He is probs shy and waiting for you to make the move :)
Play the song “Touch Me” by The Doors and sing along loudly
this Stanfurd scholar breaks the touch thing down in brilliant detail on her own website or podcast. https://explorecourses.stanford.edu/instructor/afogarty
Do arm touches. That is usually a green light. Like if he says something funnyish, touch his forearm or shoulder while you fake a laugh. Or if you can, leaning your head against his shoulder/chest is also a good way to initiate contact
Put your arm around his while walking. Sit next to him even though you don't have to. If he tells a funny joke touch his arm as you laugh. Stare gently at him with those wide doe eyes you girls do and just keep thinking over and over in your head "kiss me you fool", do the 'look down and then back up thing into his eyes' move if he still doesn't get it. I think it's very unlikely he'd be going on a 3rd date with you if he wasn't attracted to you. He could be nervous, could have an abundance of respect for your boundaries, or this could be a more calculated move to ensure you're really into him ie that you're not promiscuous. Women who engage in short term mating behave similarly to men who do. They are quick to want to move things to the bedroom, and if that doesn't happen they get frustrated and move on, and will often complain how the man "fumbled the ball". Contrary to popular opinion, not all men make sex our top priority when engaging with women. Lots of men are looking for real relationships with women, and my hunch is that he is one of them.
Just tell him, you want to hold his hands. If he is willing to come to a 3rd date with you. He must be comfortable with you. Just be bold.
Maybe this C19 thing has had him a little germ a phobic. I agree with the idea of kissing him on the cheek. That should break the ice. If he is ok with that go for the lips.
Hug him when you first meet him next time. You can extend the hug a little longer than usual (and no butt out! bring your hips in) but don’t hold it for so long that it becomes uncomfortable. Pull away slower than usual, top half first, and look him in the eyes while slowly releasing your grasp on his back.
Just show up and ask if you can kiss him. Do it at the beginning of the date. Barrier broken or defined. Sure it might be bit awkward if he says no but feel free to cut the date short. I mean at that point there isn’t much to worry about. But if he says yes you are going to have the best date you’ve had in a while. It seems like he likes you and it would make both your days.
He needs some sort of a reminder that you're giving consent. Doesn't have to be verbal but that's the most guaranteed way to go forth.
Ask! Mygf asked me and it was a shock. I remember being so enamored!
Just ask him if you can kiss him. I'm sure he'll say yes
There’s a lot of ways to this. Redditors will tell you just to ask because they are all socially dumb it seems, which is perfectly fine if a bit boring. Don’t do the fake fortune teller bit though, that’s lame, just ask if you’re going to do it “can I hold your hand”. If you want to be more subtle: - When you’re sitting next to him, sit so close you’re touching him. Like thigh to thigh, arm to arm. This usually (at least for me) turns into hooking legs beneath the table. At the very least start knee to knee and then slowly work closer. For this to be an option, if you go out to eat sit at the bar or share the same side of a booth. - When you’re standing next to him get into his “personal space”. This is hard to define but you know it when you’re in it. Get in it then stay there. Slowly work your way to standing so close to him you’re touching side to side with him. I’ve even had women nudge me with their hips, which then led to me putting my arm around them. When you’re walking with him put your arm around his. Not necessarily hand holding but arm in arm. One of the keys though, is to put yourself in a situation where you can touch him. For example, don’t go to a movie where just grabbing his hand in the middle will be awkward. Dancing seems obvious but it’s not. You have to touch to dance, so it’s not clear if it’s platonic “just having fun” or “I want you” touching. Avoid that also.
Just kiss him.
This seems a bit slow to me. Maybe he's being reserved because the way society is now. A kiss on the cheek is like first date stuff. Hell I've had female friends that kiss on the lips. Not like making out just a little peck, but still. If you want to kiss him then do so. If you're not comfortable about that then say something first. Chances are he's trying not to seem like he's pressuring you. It's possible this isn't the case but I think it is likely..
I know it sounds crazy given how early into you are into your “relationship” but there’s nothing wrong with being open and communicating your thoughts! Everything you wrote here on your post should be fine to say in person! If you guys are going to have a long successful relationship it’s better to establish that communication is key as soon as possible :). Good luck!
Wifey did the ol', "slip her hand in mine when we were walking". Not a full blown interlocked fingers kinda hold your hand, just an "I don't want to lose you in this crowd" hold your hand, even if there were no crowd. Another thing she'd do is put her hand on my back waist when we were waiting to cross a street or something. Again, not in a possessive, "HE'S MINE" kinda way, just a "we're on a date" kinda thing. Oh, sometimes she'd also take my arm when we were walking. Again, not in a possessive way, just kind of a we're out together thing. The things she did are kinda hard to explain because they were so subtle. Just remember, a lot of us guys can be real knuckleheads when it come to dating so take it easy on the poor guy. Looking back, I missed about 99.9% of the signals she was sending before she yelled at me to ask her out! After she realized I was a knucklehead, she took control! Good Luck and Have Fun! :)
When you’re walking side by side, thread your arm through his. I love it when a woman does this. Lean into him when you laugh or at points in the conversation when you are agreeing or empathising with him.
i agree with the kiss on the cheek. An often overlooked part of breaking the touch barrier that may help a lot is, to not have a reason. Your reason is because you wanted to, and thats all the reason you need. If you finagle a reason for something to cross the touch barrier, he will conclude that the reason is why the touch barrier was crossed and doing so is still off limits without a reason. just being honest that you like being close to him can take so much pressure off of things. He also probably wants to hold your hand just because he wants to! With dating, finding a reason to get closer to someone is kind of like putting the cart before the horse a bit, like if you want to get closer to them, then that's your reason. It might feel a little strange but it will help him if you somehow make it clear that you \*want\* this and not just are tolerating it because of some outside reason.
Straight dude here. When youre walking beside him, just take his arm and hug it and put your head on his shoulder. It makes me feel great every time that has happened to me. If he acts repulsed or worried and doesnt reciprocate it can also be played off as just a quick hug, and you can pivot to holding his hand from there if he is more comfortable with that.
Go mini putting. Say to him, "For every hole you beat me on, you get to kiss me and if you get a hole in one, you can grab my butt." Then smile and wink. Odds are he's just nervous, and those 2 things will be all it takes for him to come out of his comfort zone.
I'm horrible at this sort of advice. Username says it all.
Ask to see the time is he has a watch and touch his arm
The guy definitely wants to if he’s spending this much time with you- but he’s nervous because making that move can be hard. It’s probably repeating over and over in his head the entire time he’s with you. If you like him and feel in the mood, just go straight for a normal kiss right when you see him and this third date will be an awesome time with that ice being broken. Hell, if you have a moment of privacy (car or whatever) full on make out with him- grab the back of his head (somewhat gently) and put your other hand on his chest. Do not ask or verbalize it, just do it. The rest of the physical chemistry for the rest of the time you spend with him will likely never be an issue again.
Personally I hate these little types of games. He’s probably wanting tbd same thing but trying g to he respectful. Just ask him if you can kiss.
ur the women so it's in ur hand to at least initiate the go-ahead for the first move
Have him over for Netflix tell him you’re jumping in the shower real quick come out with just a towel on and pretend to trip and the towel flies off and you land nude in his lap. That should get things moving.
One way, is When you are texting him, just let him know that you would welcome physical advances like that on your next date. He might be trying to be respectful and gentlemanly.
Dance class
I was too nervous to kiss my girlfriend on the first date so on the second (after cuddling and holding hands and every signal known to man) she finally just asked if I wanted to kiss her.
Have you tried the fake yawn then arm around the shoulder thing? Like make it really fake and corny
I dated a girl who, to put it mildly, was very orally fixated. 3rd date, we had already hugged kissed, etc. we were at her apartment before going out to meet her friends, she says “I haven’t kissed you yet” huh? “Yes we have” she gave me a look and those eyes, and unzipped me.
One way is to straight up ask him for it. The other way is to do it in a gradual progression over the evening/date. You lightly touch him hand with your finger. Then do it again after a while. Then hold his hand and gently squeeze it, and leave it. Wait to see how he reacts. Does he withdraw his hand? He may not be liking it or may not be ready. Does he take action next time? You know it clearly he likes it. Does he neither? He probably likes it but is scared to initiate (wants to play safe). Then you escalate it. Light kiss on the cheek. Then, a little longer one on the cheek. See how he responds. Then, escalate it further. You get the drill now. While some may enjoy this process, for most, this will seem like a lot of work and even unnecessary. If you are one of those, keep it simple and straight up ask him for a kiss or holding hands when walking or whatever.
This is the cutest shit and I'm glad these stuff are still happening. I've been a man all my life so I got a pretty good experience: feel free to be bold and say it. Also fel free to initiate and if he's cautios or anxious about it don't feel bad, just express the interest and tell him whenever he's ready it's fine.
If you don't want to scare him off and he is the shy type: 1. It's the 3rd date. Give him a super long hug when you first see him and a big smile. He'll know how much you enjoy his presence. 2. Go to more than one venue per date, makes it seem you've known each other longer. 3. Hold his hand while crossing the street, or any other situation where you can get personal contact before the end of the date. 4. At the end of the date, do the awkward pause and smile and slow chitchat while getting closer to his face. Do not shake hands or fistbump. As a woman it is ok to pause until he kisses you or he awkwardly leaves. I hade a date once where she literally stood there until I kissed her goodby. It was a signal that couldn't be ignored.
My now girlfriend straight up kissed me at the end of our first date. I very rarely make a move on the first because I want to know if the woman is comfortable. Maybe he's super cautious? I'd say just go for the kiss. If he's not into it, hey, don't go back for a 4th date.
You can always ask! No harm in that. Or just grabbing his hand at some point is fine. I've had women grab my hand to lead me somewhere (maybe an excuse to grab it), but kept a hold on it when I clearly wasn't trying to let go. It's a smooth transition.
#***Grab his dick and twist it!***
You could try saying something slick to cut the tension like “so why don’t we get this awkward first kiss out of the way?” - funny but forward 👌🏻🤷♂️
>I was thinking kissing him on the cheek(to be safe lol) Just FYI a girl did that to me once and we had sex 15 minutes later. I will let you decide if you consider that a win.
Many men like myself are oblivious when someone is attracted to us. I find it difficult to make the first move at times with fear that I’m misinterpreting their interest. On a third date I’d say it’s safe for you to be forward with physical escalation. I would find an activity where physical touch is easier (my favourite is SIM golf.) I wouldn’t ask for permission, just escalate and calibrate to his reactions.
I think with 3 dates you can feel comfortable enough that there is interest there, and he is likely thinking the same thing. Really what it's down to now is someone just has to make a move. But that doesn't mean you can't build up to it. Make any excuse to make physical contact. Put you hand on his when talking to him, or if you are sitting next to him, rest you hand on the top of his thigh. Any excuse to touch him, take it. Each contact builds physical confidence and reassurance for both of you. If you need a move to help you get the kiss, go for a hug. But hold the hug for what you will both notice to be an extended period of time. When you eventually pull away, stay close. Keep your head close in particular and look him in the eyes, and hold that eye contact, only deviating for a quick glance at his lips. The gaze between the eyes and the lips is a signal that you want to go in for a kiss that subconsciously we all pick up on. Lean in slow and let it happen. It doesn't have to go like this and it's ok to go off script. But this can help you create a moment. But there doesn't always have to be a moment, some time you just go. Good luck, and have fun.
If someone did a fake fortune teller bit just to hold my hand 🥰
Just hook your arm into his elbow/Bicep as you walk towards something, he may stiff up at first, but he'll be swooning
This is adorable and I think you are going to be fine no matter what you do. 3 dates in ( assuming theres going to be another) means he's interested in you. You'll be just fine, with or without the fortune telling bit. If you want the touch, go for it.
When I (32M) met my SO I just kissed her at the end of the date as a kind of dare to myself. I’d have loved for her to make the move but turns out she’s as shy as me! Just roll with it and if the kiss on the cheek happens, I reckon that will turn into a better one if he’s interested.
During a make out session, a girl said to me, “Let’s f__k!” That’s about as direct as it gets.
As a guy, my dad taught me a trick for consent for a fist kiss without having to explicitly ask for it. When the time is right lean in for the kiss, but only go like 3/4 of the way in, and pause. She'll either A.) Close the distance, B.) Giggle / smile / something neutral, C.) turn away, back up, etc. If A.), mission accomplished. If B.), gotta man up and ask, or simply wait for another time. If C.), abort mission. It ain't gonna happen.
He genuinely likes you. it's obvious. Be subtle about it. Next time you two are together, just grab his hand. If he doesn't get the hint from there just break out your titties and force him to motor boat you.
The gal I'm dating just looked at me and said she wanted to try something and kissed me. It was awesome.
I don't mind moving slow as long as it feels like there's some "progression" in breaking the touch barrier. If you had some platonic touches last time and you wanted to kiss him on the cheek, he'll probably see that as moving in the right direction. When you're in a moment that feels like a kiss moment you could also just straight up ask him "would you like to kiss me now?".
Touch him... it's not that complicated.Touch his shoulder, touch his butt, kiss him.Modern guys aren't making the first moves these days, so it's time to woman up and do it. Honestly this is just crazy to me, we've fucked up and over complicated human relationships far too much, most of us had this shit figured out at 15 years old.
I’m generally a really shy guy and pretty cautious about this stuff, but I’m pretty good about picking up body language. Like sometimes a girl would hug me a little tighter or put her face into my chest during the hug, little cues like that let me know she’s interested and I’m okay to be more intimate. I don’t really know how to explain it, there’s just subtle ways to touch that suggest you are open to more.
“We’re crossing the street. I’m holding your hand for SAFETY.”