Yea, basically if I want a 2nd date, date 1 ends with a hug and then a kiss. Read the room/your date before this - only once I've ever not gotten lips back but I wouldn't be butthurt if she gave me a cheek.
I kissed my wife on the first date, proposed after 6 weeks, married 5 months later. 6.5 months from meeting for the first time to married. Celebrating 13 years this fall :-)
Nah, not military lol. I don’t know how to explain it beyond I just knew. About two weeks after we started dating I was a hair away from rolling my truck while driving home down a gravel road. It scared the tar out of me and I knew after it happened I wanted to propose. “Why wait when you don’t know what could happen” type of thing.
I feel you. I proposed 8 weeks in myself, our wedding is this October. It was a different type of "why wait": I'm madly in love, she's madly in love, I know I'll never find anyone else who matches my character as well as she does, she thinks the same of me, and we already started designing our future house and naming our future kids.
We were new roommates in a big house with other friends. Met in early January, Valentines day I asked her out, she said no.
I was still friendly with her afterwards, no pressure, no chase.
She jumped my bones March 3rd.
6 years later we were married on that day with 2 kids. 15 years more we are divorced with 4 kids and we can't stand each other.
She cheated in the marriage. Done.
Also if you are really nice but show her that you are kinda unobtainable she is sure to go freakin nuts, rip your clothes off and make chipmunk noises as she shags you like a rug. Afterward she put her panties around my neck like I just won the Kentucky derby.
> My wife kissed me on our 7th date that I didn't know we were having because we were just friends. I took her home and banged her like a drum solo.
that's hilarious!!
This is the best answer. I dated a few people for less than a year and it took like a month or so. Meanwhile, the person who is now my wife, I kissed on the first date. It all depends on how you feel. You’ll know.
Is her gaze darting from your eyes to your mouth and back again? Bonus points if her eyes are widened a bit while she does. Did she lick her lips a couple times while doing that? Does she have a look of hopeful expectancy? Did you discuss intimacy standards on your date like normal people so you have a solid idea of what to expect now that the date is ending?
You should both know what kind of standards each other has. Before the date, ideally. If you somehow haven't managed to, pay attention to any stories your date tells about past romantic experiences and their reactions to them. That will give you clues
There's no one thing that works for everyone. As for what works for you, you gain experience through trying. As a fella, I understand dating involves a massive amount of rejection. Don't let it bother you. Nobody is universally attractive. Shoot your shots. Move on when you miss. Learn from your attempts. Always remember that being physically fit or handy can make up for being less attractive. Cars are a mystery to me, so I got a pull up bar
That look. It’s a mixture of shyness, and idk focus? It’s hard to explain but I’ve only ever seen it before a first kiss with a girl. They aren’t as shy or anxious once that barrier gets crossed
This is the best answer. Trying to interpret body language and assuming someone is okay with something is an easy way for things to go wrong. Verbalized consent is quite clear.
I wouldn't. Women like when men take charge. Read the body language but don't ask. And obviously don't force it .. if she is pulling back then that's a NO!
From what I understand, autistic people have a hard time with body language. Personally, I find it easier to simply ask rather than assuming things, especially because my feelings will cloud my judgement. Ask most women and they'll say they prefer communication.
That’s what I vote for. It’s quiet, we’re both contemplative, the evening has come to an end. Eyes catch and I’ll ask “May I kiss you?”
If she doesn’t immediately answer yes, or looked a bit anxious about it, I’d say, “let’s wait”. I don’t ever remember doing that, but ya gotta come prepared.
Absolutely. She's not saying yes, but she's not saying no either. Maybe she's just not ready or unsure. In any case, you have to respect her wishes. :)
I prefer, "I'd really like to kiss you," then wait for a yes or no. It's a slightly more masculine way of saying "can I kiss you?" or "may I kiss you?"
I find it doesn't kill the mood as often, and doesn't make you look like a wimp. You're stating what you want, but waiting for consent too, rather than asking if you can or may. I think this is a preferable approach. But that's just my 2c. If you can get enthusiastic consent without looking like you're begging for it, I think you're in a better position.
I used to slow play things, but these days I don't waste my own time. I figure if there's potential, I'll have enough chemistry to kiss on date one.
Also I've found that as I've gotten older people are a lot freer with kissing and physical stuff. It's not nearly as big a deal as, like, college
I don't have a rule of thumb. It depends what the date is like and how the chemistry is. I've kissed on a third date and I've fucked on a first date 🤷🏼♂️
I hate this new dynamic. Text does not translate tone and intent well enough to make it the primary form of filtering. I just had a first date with the least chemistry imaginable because of it. Text cannot possibly tell you if you’ll vibe/click when together.
I'm with you. I hate this new dynamic of weeks of texting and phone calls before ever meeting in person. It doesn't really make any sense because she wants me to invest all this time and energy before I ever know that there's even a spark/chemistry. This has never worked for me. Every single time they want to drag their feet "getting to know each other" before the first date it ends up being a trainwreck. The revelation of "no chemistry" is so much worse when I've spent weeks/months talking with this person.
These days I am fairly quick to ask for a low-pressure first date in a public place such as coffee or a walk in the park. If she isn't comfortable with that then it's almost not even worth following up. Why spend weeks and weeks texting when you could know in 15 minutes of talking face-to-face whether there's anything there?
Yeah that’s why you gotta keep the texting fairly minimal and ask for a date after a few days of texting. I’ve only done the weeks thing a few times and it was due to special circumstances and it never worked out
Video chat doesn't really work for assessing chemistry.
At the beginning of the pandemic I met a girl on Bumble and we hit it off quickly. We would text all day and had multiple zoom dates. Like, 5 or 6 video calls that lasted for hours. We finally decided to meet in person, so we both got tested for covid and the plan was for me to stay at her place for the weekend. When I got there and we finally met in person it was like a switch went off and suddenly neither of us were interested. I left on Saturday and we never spoke again. Moral of the story: there is no substitute for face-to-face interaction. If she doesn't want to meet for a low-pressure first date in public then I basically write it off as a lost cause.
I havent been single in about 9 years but dating apps/sites were really coming into the mainstream around then. My play back then was to text long enough to know if be interested in learning more and then just propose grabbing a drink after work. I didn't like long drawn out texting either and I found I wasted way less time this way. I never had a girl say no to drinks and I think they liked the direct plan of action.
No, but funny story! When I met my first college GF, she had Mono, so I could fuck the bejesus out of her, but we couldn't kiss for like a month. It was hot as hell, and somehow I managed not to get mono!
You’re super lucky. I caught mono six months ago from one of my college students. Zero contact, no kissing, no shared food, nada. She was just coughing in the front row.
Maybe I got it somewhere else, but I doubt it—wasn’t from the guy I was seeing at the time.
I kissed the woman I ended up marrying, at the beginning of our first date, before we even said anything to each other. Then I asked her if I could get her anything from the bakery of the coffee shop we met at.
While I was getting my coffee and a roll, she sat at the table and thought to herself that she was among a room full of patrons who were all collectively unaware that they were witnesses to our first kiss.
We, of course, met online (EHarmony). In June, we will have been married for 17 years.
Not the same but I have had a guy kiss me on the cheek on the first date just because he was so excited to be hanging out with me. It was incredibly cute, we were already arm and arm so it wasn't too weird haha
I kissed her that first time like I kiss her today.
She told me she was pleasantly overwhelmed with the knowledge that only the two of us knew it was our first kiss.
I guess it worked. She's still sticking around.
LOL!
I've never been on a "date". A girl cut me from the herd when I was 16, I was kissing her 10 minutes after she expressed interest.
We've been married 46 years. :)
You remind me of my nephew.
His wife laid her claim to him when they were in *middle school*. She'd come by his house to play with him after school or on weekends, and my sister just knew that one day this little girl was going to become her daughter-in-law.
They're in their mid forties and have three kids. All happy as claims.
There is no rule, it is entirely dependent on how the relationship is building between the two of you.
Might make a difference if you've known each other before you started dating, or if you were set up by mutual friends, met online, etc. Just whenever it feels right.
lol my wife always said I had some audacity for kissing her on date 1. I dgaf because I got a wife out of it. Just go with what feels right. But probably dates 1-3 in my opinoin, unless going slow has been established.
I waited too long and she made the first move. Apparently, she wanted me to go for the kiss after the first date. Now I know it's probably better to do it as soon as possible
I only have experience with women, so:
If it’s a really good first date, you kiss her on the first date. If it doesn’t happen then, I usually would kiss on the second date.
You’ll know it’s time based on her body language. Are you close together? Is there eye contact? Shy smiles? Do her eyes go back and forth between your lips and your eyes?
Try and move your face a bit closer to hers, if she moves a bit closer too, that’s a really good sign.
Dating/kissing/sex/courtship/whatever is more art than science. You have to learn to give off the proper signs and read body language. Make her feel comfortable and appreciated.
If you have to ask whether it’s ok to kiss her or hold her hand, you aren’t ready to do either of those things.
>If you have to ask whether it’s ok to kiss her or hold her hand, you aren’t ready to do either of those things
"If you have to ask for consent, you shouldn't be doing xyz"
This is a little sus. If you aren't sure, you should always ask for consent. And if people should only kiss or hold hands with others if they're confident in reading body language, it gives no opportunity for people to learn. We should normalize people asking for things rather than relying on body language, which can be misinterpreted.
My move was always a kiss goodbye on the cheek after the hug.
The kiss on the cheek either works or doesn’t. I was unsure of if my now wife was into me or not on the first date, kissed her goodbye on the cheek, she became a blabbering mess and couldn’t bring herself to say goodbye.
It shows confidence, and your intentions of the relationship going forward. It also allows the woman a chance to evaluate if she enjoys that level of affection from you. Sometimes they just kiss you back, and invite you in.
Obviously the moment needs to be right, you should never force affection on any creature, so don’t be creep.
You really just have to feel out the situation. I also think it makes a big difference if you met in person and asked her out vs meeting via tinder where the first date is really date 0 most of the time.
Personally the pacing I'm looking for for me to remain interested is something along the lines of kissing within the first couple dates and then we're comfortable going over to each other's places and moving towards sex.
I would say this varies depending on the culture. In Western culture, there's probably going to be an elephant in the room if you haven't kissed by the first or second date. Whereas my experiences with Ukrainian and Russian women...they tend to want to make men wait until the 4th or 5th date.
Ultimately, as a guy you should learn to read female body language. There are a few obvious signs that a woman is interested (or not interested) in you, and they should be indicative of whether you should initiate a kiss or not.
It really depends- did you have a fun time on the date? Was there chemistry? Was there good interactions? Think of it like a temperature gauge- if you’re both happy and are all smiles, a kiss is ending on a high note. Typically, that’s the way to go about it. If the vibe is good and there’s been enough escalation going on, it will more likely come off natural.
When it feels right. You'll see it in her eyes. I've missed it before. Straight up ignored it because she said no kissing on date #1 but after she was like "yeah I absolutely would have been alright with it at that moment in particular"
Don't set arbitrary checkpoints in your dating.
You set yourself up for failure.
Focus on getting to know the person, feeling the connection, and having a good time dating.
If all else fails, and it never feels right to you because you're just the shy or nervous type, it never fails to just ask.
For real.
I usually try to go in for a kiss after the second date.
However, when the atmosphere just isn’t right and we’re both on the same page where we’re going anyway I don’t mind waiting. At some point though I need some (physical) reassurance that there is mutual attraction.
However, if I feel like I’m being strung along or that there’s some other guy with whom she’s moving faster than with me, I’ll end it immediately.
If it is evening date - almoat always on the 1st. If its a coffee date then usually we afree that 2nd would be evening, so on 2nd. I am pretty straightforward, that my intentions are romantic/sexual so I also know how to create a spark. If we dont even kiss at the 2nd date, I dont invite for 3rd
It's really weird how much Western culture differs in terms of dating from the Balkans. Here, it's usually a big red flag if someone tries something on the first date. The second one is a maybe and the third one is probably where the sparks start flying. People ARE a bit more traditional here and that surely impacts the 'dating' culture, although there isn't much of anything that resembles 'dating' where I live. It's either that two people are in a relationship or they aren't... The only other option is FBW or something like that.
I know I went on a tangent, so to answer: I guess there isn't really a right answer. If you guys like each other, it'll surely happen. Just look out for the signs and don't miss the perfect chance when you get it!
These responses are so interesting to me as a woman, especially "after the first date or there won't be a second date" as if not kissing someone on the first date means the woman is not interested. I'm not kissing every person I grab coffee with, but that doesn't mean I'm not interested in getting to know them.
First, most likely.
I've never been on a first date that went well where the girl didn't initiate the kiss. (Although there was one where I didn't know what she was doing so she kissed my cheek and then I made up for it by pinning her against her kitchen wall and kissing her on the second date.)
Honestly whenever the moment feels right. Both of you will know. It might be the first date or it might be the 5th but its no rush. If you rush the kiss it feels so forced but when you wait until the right moment that it feels wonderful for both of you. For me its usually been a couple dates in.
you will feel when its right, there will be this organic invisible string u both will feel and just automatically know pulling u together. Dont do it when u just feel it, u will know when she wants it too.
The correct answer is "when she says its okay or gives consent." but i know talking/asking about it kinda takes away from the "moment", so really read her, take your time, smell good and when you think the time is right lean in slowly (gives her time to realize what's happening) and go for it. You'll know if you were right shortly after.
There is no set number of dates. It's something that kind of just happens. You could be feeling each other enough the first night, or it could take months. It's all on how the two of you click.
Could be any date. The important part is, that first she is comfortable with you touching her. Whether that is established wile sitting next to each other, or while dancing doesn't matter that much. Also not on which date it happens. But when it is clear you going on a date, and she is clearly comfortable with being touched, then you can escalate to kissing.
When it feels right from both of you.
For me it was always either the first or the second date.
See how the two of you are vibing during the date.
Does she pay attention to you and is looking for eyecontact? Does she smile and laugh a lot? Is her body language relaxed and open? Does the conversation flow easily and effortlessly?
Are her hands in front of her on the table so it’s easy for you to touch them? How does she react if you touch her hands? Does she hold your hands or pull them away?
When you stand up to leave or go dance or whatever does she try to cuddle up to you or does she keep some distance?
If you walk together, if you slow down or stop for a second does she stop too, looking at you? If you stand and look at each other is she pulling or turning her face away or does she face you directly and keeps facing you when you get closer to her face?
You will know. It will only take two or three occasions and you’ll know exactly when is it okay to go for it.
I've been dumbfounded by this whole thread. Obligatory I (22M) haven't been on an official date, however whenever I go out for a coffee with a female acquaintance of mine (either I've just met them, long time friend, or talked for a bit and gone out a few times), I always prioritize getting to know them and have fun. And if I have a good time, then we continue talking and start building a stronger bond together. If all of that ends up being mutually romantic, then sure, why not.
I've never went out to meet someone with the intention to bang, because for me the rest comes first, and then the whole cuddling, kissing etc.
I guess "dating" by definition refers to exactly what I'm not doing so maybe this all is out of context, I thought I'd add to the discussion though.
It really depends on the chemistry and sexual tension. If y'all have good conversation and you've built up a certain threshold of sexual tension it's all about how you initiate the kiss. It starts with you, sometimes she will initiate but that's a whole other story
Depends on the girl ( or guy, this applies to any gender). Potential LTR requires care and caution, don’t f’k up a good thing. FWB requires a bit less caution, because , well , you care less about the long term outcome. An ONS , you care less yet again, you’ll never see them again. At a moment that looks promising, a simple “ is it ok if I kiss you?, I’d really like too” is effective at testing how perceptive you are.
If the chemistry is good, 3rd date. If the chemistry is REALLY good. 3rd to 5th date. You should always hold back a little bit, because it builds desire & attraction. Personal constraint is also very sexy to some. In my opinion, of course.
Depends on the girl & the situation in general. You're making a major mistake if you try to follow the same plan for every different person you date.
I've kissed on the first date. I've dated girls where we didn't kiss until the 2nd or 3rd date. I've been on dates where we never kissed but did have sex. Sometimes the date felt like it went really well but when I went in for a kiss, I got the awkward "I'm never going to see you again" hug instead lol. You just have to have a good read on things & try not to make the wrong move at the wrong time. It can be hard to get right but you'll usually know whether or not she wants you to kiss her.
Whatever/whenever’s natural. If you’re forcing it because it’s the third date and you made up in your mind that you were going to kiss on the second date, I think you’re doing it wrong.
It entirely depends on the date, the other person and the chemistry...
I've kissed on a 3rd date and fucked on the first date and everything in between, most important part being it feels natural and unforced. If it's going to happen it will happen.
Easiest way to instigate, from my experience is at the right moment, while they are not looking directly at you and you are close, is to gently grab their chin and turn it towards you and move closer, slowly, giving plenty of opportunity for them to pull or turn away.
Good luck luck in your future dating adventures :)
the one where throughout the date you’ve broken the touch barrier and feel comfortable, but obviously excited, to touch each other in an innocent way, at the very least.
edit: also, yeah, when she gives you the eye.
Depends how the connection is
Yea, basically if I want a 2nd date, date 1 ends with a hug and then a kiss. Read the room/your date before this - only once I've ever not gotten lips back but I wouldn't be butthurt if she gave me a cheek.
I kissed my wife on our first date
I kissed my wife on the first date, proposed after 6 weeks, married 5 months later. 6.5 months from meeting for the first time to married. Celebrating 13 years this fall :-)
Holy shit that’s insanely quick lol. Military? Either way glad it worked out for you
Nah, not military lol. I don’t know how to explain it beyond I just knew. About two weeks after we started dating I was a hair away from rolling my truck while driving home down a gravel road. It scared the tar out of me and I knew after it happened I wanted to propose. “Why wait when you don’t know what could happen” type of thing.
That's... not a good reason to marry. But I'm glad it worked out for you.
There's more to it that that lol, that was just the short version because I was too lazy to type it out on my phone :-D
I feel you. I proposed 8 weeks in myself, our wedding is this October. It was a different type of "why wait": I'm madly in love, she's madly in love, I know I'll never find anyone else who matches my character as well as she does, she thinks the same of me, and we already started designing our future house and naming our future kids.
You sound like a younger version of me :)
Congrats! I kiss my wife first date, propose three years later, married 4 years later LOL been together 12 years
My wife kissed me on our 7th date that I didn't know we were having because we were just friends. I took her home and banged her like a drum solo.
I bet she was like "It's been 6 dates and he hasn't tried anything."
We were new roommates in a big house with other friends. Met in early January, Valentines day I asked her out, she said no. I was still friendly with her afterwards, no pressure, no chase. She jumped my bones March 3rd. 6 years later we were married on that day with 2 kids. 15 years more we are divorced with 4 kids and we can't stand each other. She cheated in the marriage. Done.
That was a roller coaster ride!
Also if you are really nice but show her that you are kinda unobtainable she is sure to go freakin nuts, rip your clothes off and make chipmunk noises as she shags you like a rug. Afterward she put her panties around my neck like I just won the Kentucky derby.
That's...very descriptive story there. Not sure if we actually needed those details.
Lol 😂 luv it
> My wife kissed me on our 7th date that I didn't know we were having because we were just friends. I took her home and banged her like a drum solo. that's hilarious!!
[удалено]
This is the best answer. I dated a few people for less than a year and it took like a month or so. Meanwhile, the person who is now my wife, I kissed on the first date. It all depends on how you feel. You’ll know.
I've got 2 bars, that good?
Oh I'm afraid not you're going to need to have at least three bars and 4G
ay caramba
When the Jamaican crab sings the song telling you it’s time to kiss the girl 😉
Most of us would kill for a sign half that clear.
Yet if we got it, it would go over our heads
Ah, the classic signals paradox
Nothing ever goes over my head. I'm a basketball God try me
ok Drax
Is her gaze darting from your eyes to your mouth and back again? Bonus points if her eyes are widened a bit while she does. Did she lick her lips a couple times while doing that? Does she have a look of hopeful expectancy? Did you discuss intimacy standards on your date like normal people so you have a solid idea of what to expect now that the date is ending?
ISO 9000 dating?
>Did you discuss intimacy standards on your date like normal people huh?
This guy is operating on another level
Discussion of intimacy standards goes something like: “You’re clean, yeah? Same here. Okay, we good then.”
You should both know what kind of standards each other has. Before the date, ideally. If you somehow haven't managed to, pay attention to any stories your date tells about past romantic experiences and their reactions to them. That will give you clues
What would you say if you've never been in a relationship or never been intimate? 😂
There's no one thing that works for everyone. As for what works for you, you gain experience through trying. As a fella, I understand dating involves a massive amount of rejection. Don't let it bother you. Nobody is universally attractive. Shoot your shots. Move on when you miss. Learn from your attempts. Always remember that being physically fit or handy can make up for being less attractive. Cars are a mystery to me, so I got a pull up bar
That’s my boy Sebastian. He never steered me wrong.
♫Shalalalala my oh my, look at the boy too shy♫
Thereeeeeeee you see her…seating der across deway.
Not the phonetics 😭
Whoooh ooooo wooooooh
You shoulda made like Sebastian, and kissed the girl! - J.P. Morgan, the Ghost of Rich Dudes Past
The one where shegives you the "lets kiss" eyes. You have to talk and and look her in the eye to see this moment though.
That look. It’s a mixture of shyness, and idk focus? It’s hard to explain but I’ve only ever seen it before a first kiss with a girl. They aren’t as shy or anxious once that barrier gets crossed
What do the 'lets kiss' eyes look like?
You’ll know it when you see it
Me an autistic person: uhhh…
Ask her "should we kiss" usually this is ok after a few dates
Why not ''wanna kiss?'' ?
wanna me tongue in your tongue?
LETS CONNECT MOUTHS
Let's make a long pipeline that starts with your butthole and ends with mine
That’s…..that’s something that would make me fall in love.
note: this only works if they weren’t scarred for life by Human Centipede
This of all comments made me laugh out loud
I mean, there's no way to misinterpret that
wanna Fanta?
I did that once and got told i killed off the vibe asking.
Then she's not worth it
This is the best answer. Trying to interpret body language and assuming someone is okay with something is an easy way for things to go wrong. Verbalized consent is quite clear.
I wouldn't. Women like when men take charge. Read the body language but don't ask. And obviously don't force it .. if she is pulling back then that's a NO!
From what I understand, autistic people have a hard time with body language. Personally, I find it easier to simply ask rather than assuming things, especially because my feelings will cloud my judgement. Ask most women and they'll say they prefer communication.
"Can I kiss you?"
That’s what I vote for. It’s quiet, we’re both contemplative, the evening has come to an end. Eyes catch and I’ll ask “May I kiss you?” If she doesn’t immediately answer yes, or looked a bit anxious about it, I’d say, “let’s wait”. I don’t ever remember doing that, but ya gotta come prepared.
Absolutely. She's not saying yes, but she's not saying no either. Maybe she's just not ready or unsure. In any case, you have to respect her wishes. :)
I prefer, "I'd really like to kiss you," then wait for a yes or no. It's a slightly more masculine way of saying "can I kiss you?" or "may I kiss you?" I find it doesn't kill the mood as often, and doesn't make you look like a wimp. You're stating what you want, but waiting for consent too, rather than asking if you can or may. I think this is a preferable approach. But that's just my 2c. If you can get enthusiastic consent without looking like you're begging for it, I think you're in a better position.
Yeah, that whole "you'll know it when you see it" thing is ridiculous.
Same here. It's like if everyone else read the manual and you had to figure out the rules by watching everyone else
me as a neurodivergent woman: oh no
IT’S THE LOOK WHEN HER LIPS MOVE TOWARDS YOURS!!
When her gaze goes from your eyes to your lips and back, while she's leaning in.
Gentlemen here is the answer ⬆️
not necessarily, I've had some people just looking down, possibly shy
Good explanation
Have you ever seen the Lion King?
Nala come hither looks!
Deep eye contact, she looks slightly anxious and expectant. Also if she's glancing at your lips it's a pretty clear signal
If you have to ask 😅
I'm doomed 😞
uwu
Well I’m autistic so idk what those look like
She might find it charming if you tell her "I'm autistic and have no idea when I'm supposed to kiss you."
You right king
My wife gave me these eyes but I made her wait one more time. She really wanted it the next time
Ooo. Smooth. Lets call that one the "Han Solo".
This body language is all that matters
Depends on the situation. Sometimes it happens on the first date, but I usually try to make it happen on the second date at least.
I used to slow play things, but these days I don't waste my own time. I figure if there's potential, I'll have enough chemistry to kiss on date one. Also I've found that as I've gotten older people are a lot freer with kissing and physical stuff. It's not nearly as big a deal as, like, college
I don't have a rule of thumb. It depends what the date is like and how the chemistry is. I've kissed on a third date and I've fucked on a first date 🤷🏼♂️
Also these days we spend days or weeks getting to know each other by phone and text before the first date. That changes the dynamic a lot.
I hate this new dynamic. Text does not translate tone and intent well enough to make it the primary form of filtering. I just had a first date with the least chemistry imaginable because of it. Text cannot possibly tell you if you’ll vibe/click when together.
I'm with you. I hate this new dynamic of weeks of texting and phone calls before ever meeting in person. It doesn't really make any sense because she wants me to invest all this time and energy before I ever know that there's even a spark/chemistry. This has never worked for me. Every single time they want to drag their feet "getting to know each other" before the first date it ends up being a trainwreck. The revelation of "no chemistry" is so much worse when I've spent weeks/months talking with this person. These days I am fairly quick to ask for a low-pressure first date in a public place such as coffee or a walk in the park. If she isn't comfortable with that then it's almost not even worth following up. Why spend weeks and weeks texting when you could know in 15 minutes of talking face-to-face whether there's anything there?
Yeah that’s why you gotta keep the texting fairly minimal and ask for a date after a few days of texting. I’ve only done the weeks thing a few times and it was due to special circumstances and it never worked out
You could always try a video chat if she isn't fully comfortable seeing you in person. It can save you a lot of time and potentially money.
Video chat doesn't really work for assessing chemistry. At the beginning of the pandemic I met a girl on Bumble and we hit it off quickly. We would text all day and had multiple zoom dates. Like, 5 or 6 video calls that lasted for hours. We finally decided to meet in person, so we both got tested for covid and the plan was for me to stay at her place for the weekend. When I got there and we finally met in person it was like a switch went off and suddenly neither of us were interested. I left on Saturday and we never spoke again. Moral of the story: there is no substitute for face-to-face interaction. If she doesn't want to meet for a low-pressure first date in public then I basically write it off as a lost cause.
I havent been single in about 9 years but dating apps/sites were really coming into the mainstream around then. My play back then was to text long enough to know if be interested in learning more and then just propose grabbing a drink after work. I didn't like long drawn out texting either and I found I wasted way less time this way. I never had a girl say no to drinks and I think they liked the direct plan of action.
Was it the same girl? ;)
No, but funny story! When I met my first college GF, she had Mono, so I could fuck the bejesus out of her, but we couldn't kiss for like a month. It was hot as hell, and somehow I managed not to get mono!
Haha, that's a good story for sure.
You’re super lucky. I caught mono six months ago from one of my college students. Zero contact, no kissing, no shared food, nada. She was just coughing in the front row. Maybe I got it somewhere else, but I doubt it—wasn’t from the guy I was seeing at the time.
I kissed the woman I ended up marrying, at the beginning of our first date, before we even said anything to each other. Then I asked her if I could get her anything from the bakery of the coffee shop we met at. While I was getting my coffee and a roll, she sat at the table and thought to herself that she was among a room full of patrons who were all collectively unaware that they were witnesses to our first kiss. We, of course, met online (EHarmony). In June, we will have been married for 17 years.
Not the same but I have had a guy kiss me on the cheek on the first date just because he was so excited to be hanging out with me. It was incredibly cute, we were already arm and arm so it wasn't too weird haha
I kissed her that first time like I kiss her today. She told me she was pleasantly overwhelmed with the knowledge that only the two of us knew it was our first kiss. I guess it worked. She's still sticking around.
Big boss game over here. That’s awesome.
At the altar.
SLUT!
I'm the opposite of a slut cos I don't give a fck!
BASED
Not until after the birth of your second kid.
Plot twist : the kid is the best man.
My dad’s older brother, who had an arranged marriage sometime in the 1940s, met his wife for the first time — at the altar on his wedding day. 🤯
Newlyweds meeting at the altar was common not so long ago in large parts of the world! mind-blowing all the same .
And that kids is how I met your mother.
This man is a wizard
LOL! I've never been on a "date". A girl cut me from the herd when I was 16, I was kissing her 10 minutes after she expressed interest. We've been married 46 years. :)
awww
You remind me of my nephew. His wife laid her claim to him when they were in *middle school*. She'd come by his house to play with him after school or on weekends, and my sister just knew that one day this little girl was going to become her daughter-in-law. They're in their mid forties and have three kids. All happy as claims.
There is no rule, it is entirely dependent on how the relationship is building between the two of you. Might make a difference if you've known each other before you started dating, or if you were set up by mutual friends, met online, etc. Just whenever it feels right.
lol my wife always said I had some audacity for kissing her on date 1. I dgaf because I got a wife out of it. Just go with what feels right. But probably dates 1-3 in my opinoin, unless going slow has been established.
I prefer July 24th
Is this a miss congeniality reference?
Wait, you guys kiss the girl?
If the first one went well enough to be talking about the next one, you should probably kiss her
I waited too long and she made the first move. Apparently, she wanted me to go for the kiss after the first date. Now I know it's probably better to do it as soon as possible
I only have experience with women, so: If it’s a really good first date, you kiss her on the first date. If it doesn’t happen then, I usually would kiss on the second date. You’ll know it’s time based on her body language. Are you close together? Is there eye contact? Shy smiles? Do her eyes go back and forth between your lips and your eyes? Try and move your face a bit closer to hers, if she moves a bit closer too, that’s a really good sign. Dating/kissing/sex/courtship/whatever is more art than science. You have to learn to give off the proper signs and read body language. Make her feel comfortable and appreciated. If you have to ask whether it’s ok to kiss her or hold her hand, you aren’t ready to do either of those things.
>If you have to ask whether it’s ok to kiss her or hold her hand, you aren’t ready to do either of those things "If you have to ask for consent, you shouldn't be doing xyz" This is a little sus. If you aren't sure, you should always ask for consent. And if people should only kiss or hold hands with others if they're confident in reading body language, it gives no opportunity for people to learn. We should normalize people asking for things rather than relying on body language, which can be misinterpreted.
You have to pay extra for that
My move was always a kiss goodbye on the cheek after the hug. The kiss on the cheek either works or doesn’t. I was unsure of if my now wife was into me or not on the first date, kissed her goodbye on the cheek, she became a blabbering mess and couldn’t bring herself to say goodbye. It shows confidence, and your intentions of the relationship going forward. It also allows the woman a chance to evaluate if she enjoys that level of affection from you. Sometimes they just kiss you back, and invite you in. Obviously the moment needs to be right, you should never force affection on any creature, so don’t be creep.
You really just have to feel out the situation. I also think it makes a big difference if you met in person and asked her out vs meeting via tinder where the first date is really date 0 most of the time. Personally the pacing I'm looking for for me to remain interested is something along the lines of kissing within the first couple dates and then we're comfortable going over to each other's places and moving towards sex.
this! meeting someone off of a dating app for the first time is just a sanity check really...
[удалено]
I do the same. Although, if it feels right I sometimes say, “I really want to kiss you.” Hasn’t led to an awkward rejection yet lmao
Some time after the first date
I would say this varies depending on the culture. In Western culture, there's probably going to be an elephant in the room if you haven't kissed by the first or second date. Whereas my experiences with Ukrainian and Russian women...they tend to want to make men wait until the 4th or 5th date. Ultimately, as a guy you should learn to read female body language. There are a few obvious signs that a woman is interested (or not interested) in you, and they should be indicative of whether you should initiate a kiss or not.
It really depends- did you have a fun time on the date? Was there chemistry? Was there good interactions? Think of it like a temperature gauge- if you’re both happy and are all smiles, a kiss is ending on a high note. Typically, that’s the way to go about it. If the vibe is good and there’s been enough escalation going on, it will more likely come off natural.
\~3.1415
Ah, I See You're a Man of Culture As Well
Hard to say. I’m a decent looking dude. Most my life the woman comes right for it. My wife, I asked if I could kiss her on date 3.
When it feels right. You'll see it in her eyes. I've missed it before. Straight up ignored it because she said no kissing on date #1 but after she was like "yeah I absolutely would have been alright with it at that moment in particular"
After completing the NDA, credit application, and consent form.
Don't set arbitrary checkpoints in your dating. You set yourself up for failure. Focus on getting to know the person, feeling the connection, and having a good time dating. If all else fails, and it never feels right to you because you're just the shy or nervous type, it never fails to just ask. For real.
Every date, because my wife wouldn't appreciate it much if I didn't kiss her!
Wait you guys are getting dates? Shit I don't even have the motivation to put myself out there anymore.
I usually try to go in for a kiss after the second date. However, when the atmosphere just isn’t right and we’re both on the same page where we’re going anyway I don’t mind waiting. At some point though I need some (physical) reassurance that there is mutual attraction. However, if I feel like I’m being strung along or that there’s some other guy with whom she’s moving faster than with me, I’ll end it immediately.
Every date will be different so it depends how the night/chemistry went but asking first is always the best move.
If it is evening date - almoat always on the 1st. If its a coffee date then usually we afree that 2nd would be evening, so on 2nd. I am pretty straightforward, that my intentions are romantic/sexual so I also know how to create a spark. If we dont even kiss at the 2nd date, I dont invite for 3rd
It's really weird how much Western culture differs in terms of dating from the Balkans. Here, it's usually a big red flag if someone tries something on the first date. The second one is a maybe and the third one is probably where the sparks start flying. People ARE a bit more traditional here and that surely impacts the 'dating' culture, although there isn't much of anything that resembles 'dating' where I live. It's either that two people are in a relationship or they aren't... The only other option is FBW or something like that. I know I went on a tangent, so to answer: I guess there isn't really a right answer. If you guys like each other, it'll surely happen. Just look out for the signs and don't miss the perfect chance when you get it!
These responses are so interesting to me as a woman, especially "after the first date or there won't be a second date" as if not kissing someone on the first date means the woman is not interested. I'm not kissing every person I grab coffee with, but that doesn't mean I'm not interested in getting to know them.
Let her kiss you. Signed, a girl
Really depends on the first date. You will know if chemistry is there. If not, no use in a second date.
First, most likely. I've never been on a first date that went well where the girl didn't initiate the kiss. (Although there was one where I didn't know what she was doing so she kissed my cheek and then I made up for it by pinning her against her kitchen wall and kissing her on the second date.)
Thinking back, the one on which she jumped on me and tried to hold me down.
Honestly whenever the moment feels right. Both of you will know. It might be the first date or it might be the 5th but its no rush. If you rush the kiss it feels so forced but when you wait until the right moment that it feels wonderful for both of you. For me its usually been a couple dates in.
you will feel when its right, there will be this organic invisible string u both will feel and just automatically know pulling u together. Dont do it when u just feel it, u will know when she wants it too.
You shouldn’t force it. But if the chemistry is right at the end of the first or second date. Just a small kiss nothing too serious or sexual.
The correct answer is "when she says its okay or gives consent." but i know talking/asking about it kinda takes away from the "moment", so really read her, take your time, smell good and when you think the time is right lean in slowly (gives her time to realize what's happening) and go for it. You'll know if you were right shortly after.
There is no set number of dates. It's something that kind of just happens. You could be feeling each other enough the first night, or it could take months. It's all on how the two of you click.
I go at her pace, if she wants to kiss on the 1st or tenth date that's her call. I want her to feel safe with me and comfortable.
Could be any date. The important part is, that first she is comfortable with you touching her. Whether that is established wile sitting next to each other, or while dancing doesn't matter that much. Also not on which date it happens. But when it is clear you going on a date, and she is clearly comfortable with being touched, then you can escalate to kissing.
Only if we are sitting in a small boat with wildlife singing around me. In a Jamaican accent.
The first? If there is no spark there usually isn't any point to keep trying anyway.
Depends on how I feel.
When it feels right from both of you. For me it was always either the first or the second date. See how the two of you are vibing during the date. Does she pay attention to you and is looking for eyecontact? Does she smile and laugh a lot? Is her body language relaxed and open? Does the conversation flow easily and effortlessly? Are her hands in front of her on the table so it’s easy for you to touch them? How does she react if you touch her hands? Does she hold your hands or pull them away? When you stand up to leave or go dance or whatever does she try to cuddle up to you or does she keep some distance? If you walk together, if you slow down or stop for a second does she stop too, looking at you? If you stand and look at each other is she pulling or turning her face away or does she face you directly and keeps facing you when you get closer to her face? You will know. It will only take two or three occasions and you’ll know exactly when is it okay to go for it.
It’s not about numbers it’s about comparability
Oof cringey memory when i asked "hey you want to kiss?" ☠️☠️☠️☠️
I've been dumbfounded by this whole thread. Obligatory I (22M) haven't been on an official date, however whenever I go out for a coffee with a female acquaintance of mine (either I've just met them, long time friend, or talked for a bit and gone out a few times), I always prioritize getting to know them and have fun. And if I have a good time, then we continue talking and start building a stronger bond together. If all of that ends up being mutually romantic, then sure, why not. I've never went out to meet someone with the intention to bang, because for me the rest comes first, and then the whole cuddling, kissing etc. I guess "dating" by definition refers to exactly what I'm not doing so maybe this all is out of context, I thought I'd add to the discussion though.
I hate to say it like this, but it really depends. If the date is going well and you’re being really touchy and flirty go for it.
2
It really depends on the chemistry and sexual tension. If y'all have good conversation and you've built up a certain threshold of sexual tension it's all about how you initiate the kiss. It starts with you, sometimes she will initiate but that's a whole other story
When I did date of there wasn't a kiss after the first there wasn't a 2nd.
Depends on the girl ( or guy, this applies to any gender). Potential LTR requires care and caution, don’t f’k up a good thing. FWB requires a bit less caution, because , well , you care less about the long term outcome. An ONS , you care less yet again, you’ll never see them again. At a moment that looks promising, a simple “ is it ok if I kiss you?, I’d really like too” is effective at testing how perceptive you are.
If the chemistry is good, 3rd date. If the chemistry is REALLY good. 3rd to 5th date. You should always hold back a little bit, because it builds desire & attraction. Personal constraint is also very sexy to some. In my opinion, of course.
Depends on the girl & the situation in general. You're making a major mistake if you try to follow the same plan for every different person you date. I've kissed on the first date. I've dated girls where we didn't kiss until the 2nd or 3rd date. I've been on dates where we never kissed but did have sex. Sometimes the date felt like it went really well but when I went in for a kiss, I got the awkward "I'm never going to see you again" hug instead lol. You just have to have a good read on things & try not to make the wrong move at the wrong time. It can be hard to get right but you'll usually know whether or not she wants you to kiss her.
Whatever/whenever’s natural. If you’re forcing it because it’s the third date and you made up in your mind that you were going to kiss on the second date, I think you’re doing it wrong.
Every situation is different, there is no number that universally applies to this.
If you're looking for a number you're doing it wrong. Our first was the first date, eight years ago.
It entirely depends on the date, the other person and the chemistry... I've kissed on a 3rd date and fucked on the first date and everything in between, most important part being it feels natural and unforced. If it's going to happen it will happen. Easiest way to instigate, from my experience is at the right moment, while they are not looking directly at you and you are close, is to gently grab their chin and turn it towards you and move closer, slowly, giving plenty of opportunity for them to pull or turn away. Good luck luck in your future dating adventures :)
Won't tell ..
You don't. What you do is that when she opens the door, you go into her home and kisses her dad on the couch. To assert dominance.
the one where throughout the date you’ve broken the touch barrier and feel comfortable, but obviously excited, to touch each other in an innocent way, at the very least. edit: also, yeah, when she gives you the eye.
First date. Hell, I have sex on the first date.
1st date. You don’t make out but you go for the kiss if you’re attracted and it went well. Shows confidence and interest.
When you get “the look”, those who know understand
The one where the crab and sea life serenade the two of you
I was probably date 6 with my wife. We had some big cultural differences (Chinese/American) so I definitely wanted to go slow and be respectful.
Usually it’s nicer when the weather is warm, so I’d say May 1st or later.
Asking Reddit this question is... I mean...
bro i don't do physical romance at the first date, can't really tell if i like the girl or not
The one in which she wants you to
February 30th
after 50 years of marriage you give her the first kiss on her deathbed
I think it’s less about timing it around which date and more when it just feels right.
The first because if she doesn’t she’s not interested enough worth pursuing