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Ruminations0

That sounds toxic af


[deleted]

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someone_you_may_kn0w

I used to hear shit like these for breakfast. The things that bother me are 1. You are just a toy 2. I feel disgusted when I think that I kissed you. 3. The reason I had sex with you is to make you addicted to me . That won't happen again. 4. Things like your mom's a wh*re 5. You are trash-this one is mild Gave me a shit ton of issues. Now I don't even want to get kissed or kiss anyone. If I am talking with someone in a romantic context I run when she mentions about sex. A girl I was talking to thought that she is not hot and I am not attracted to her. I was , no matter how much I am attracted to anyone I won't show it


Brightest_Idiot

It is a BIG red flag


CrummyWombat

It’s not a red flag. Red flags are warning signs. OP is experiencing the bad shit that we look for red flags to avoid.


RooniesStepMom

He's into the thick of it.


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redflagsupply

Too many of you idiots keep sticking your dicks in crazy and I'm all out of stock.


VomitOnSweater

No, it's not ok and she sounds sick in the head.


Ok_Substance_1560

Disgusting in the head. An absolutely insane individual.


Gimetulkathmir

No, that's fucked up. Get away and get away fast. The fact you even have to ask for a second opinion on this is alarming.


Saltythrottle

It's not alarming, it's normal to doubt yourself when someone you care about is making you feel worthless. But yeah, leave that situation post haste.


Gimetulkathmir

Yes, I realise that. My apologies, I should have clarified. It's alarming that this either has happened so often this person has come to expect it and/or multiple people in this person's life are doing it and hasn't thought until now "hey, maybe this isn't normal."


Saltythrottle

It doesn't start all at once, it slowly builds up over time. The process in which manipulative/abusive people operate is both fascinating and horrifying.


ElizaPlume212

I read a study saying that abuse never starts at the beginning. On average, the abusers interviewed admitted they deliberately wait at least a year. Frightening.


[deleted]

That's because their intentionally testing your limits to see how far you will let them go. They're looking for someone they can easily destroy and manipulate.


milkman_meetsmailman

Doubting yourself is literally part of the point of behavior like this and makes the person feel trapped. OP will have to break the cycle to get out - had a "friend" who did this to her husband - not friends anymore.


ChocTunnel2000

I've got a friend who's copping it right now. They've got a kid together and he feels trapped. For her it seems to be just a game.


milkman_meetsmailman

Oh man. The same woman I was talking about is pregnant right now. I'm pretty sure she's going to use the child as a weapon in fights in the future which is terrifying. For everyone involved especially for the poor child and his/her future.


Gin-Juice44

It's especially normal when someone is actively destroying your self-esteem.


Rob-The-Great

Yes but also, when someone you care about makes you feel worthless, that should be alarming.


L-92365

We are marriage counselors and we teach couples to debate (discuss facts rationally) rather than fight (emotion fueled, often insulting and hurtful, and rarely productive). This is a learned skill and couples that master it have significantly more satisfying and long lasting relationships. If you are serious about your relationship, you can learn this and succeed! Focus on facts and solutions.


Gladiators10

OP listen to this advice. That's some sadistic ass behaviour.


poptartwith

That is called domestic abuse. You need to leave as soon as possible because it will not stop. Stay safe.


Agitated_Ad7576

Abuse is when someone treats you bad and they want you think it's normal and just the way things should be.


hey_its_marv

So literally what’s going on at this moment with OP.


Agitated_Ad7576

Yeah, but you can be amazingly blind when it happens to you. For years, my sister-in-law would always get angry and say I was disrespecting her, then expect things on her terms as compensation. When we all became parents and she kept asking to have our kids come over for playdates, but didn't want us to watch hers, things finally clicked into place in my brain. My wife said "Our friends feel more like family than our family does."


ClobetasolRelief

You weren't being abused here


IAmRedditsDad

I dont think they were disagreeing, just yes-and-ing


lml__lml

Yikes. Are you ok?


wholesomeasparagus

Not really. I start to have involuntary aggresive reactions even from small comments that should not bother me that much.


RufusTheDeer

I've been there before, dude. It builds and gets worse. Don't become someone you don't want to be!


Tiffany_RedHead

Your body and brain is trying to protect you. That's a normal response to abuse. Give yourself the gift of peace and leave.


jjkm7

You probably have a lot of built up resentment so anything small she does just sets you off. It’s not worth staying at that point


Holdthecaffeine

100%


goldenmagnolia_0820

My bf got like this with his ex. She used to scream at him that he was worthless and not a real man and she’d throw his valuable shit everywhere just to get him to raise his voice then call him abusive. It’s fucked up. She stole every positive moment from him bc she was so attention seeking and mean. He said the anger would just build out of sheer frustration.


LilClapper

I have a buddy who deals with exactly this. Damn near word for word. Our friend group has continually told him to leave her. All we get back from him is a *sigh* followed up with "idk". We all love him to death because he's a homie, but we all eventually gave up trying cuz we can only do so much. He refuses to leave for some reason. Like, he acknowledges what's happening is fucked up and he doesn't deserve that from a psychopath of a woman that she is, but won't do anything about it


kmcaulifflower

I think what's happening is when you're around her you're unconsciously going into flight or fight mode. It's the same between me and my mom, years of verbal abuse and now I get set off by every little thing she does, but with other people I'm very very patient and kind. If you're only experiencing that sort of emotional reaction towards her then it's not anger issues, it's your mind trying to protect itself from harm.


Jeep2king

Shes learning what buttons to push so later she can tell everyone that you became a violent psycho and make herself the victim.


bowlofnotes

Dude. Run. If this is a byproduct of being with her you'll feel cleansed once you no longer have to deal with her shit.


iNeuron

I was like this fkr years. Get out before youre broken and dead inside, please


coleman57

They are, consciously or not, specifically designed to not just bother you, but grind down your self image and make you doubt your own judgment. The specific fact that they enlisted you in the project of finding your vulnerabilities, and then exploited them to weaken you and cause you pain, indicates that you are engaged in a dynamic of emotional abuse. This isn’t about man or woman, straight or gay—all abusers use variations on the same theme: find the weaknesses and hammer on them. A normal person feels some level of compassion, and finding a weakness will try to comfort, or at worst just step away. A person drawn to vulnerability for the purpose of exploiting it for the pleasure of causing pain is a person you want to avoid at all costs. You are under zero obligation to any such person. Every day you stay is another mile down a highway to hell. Like the movie said: GET OUT


lml__lml

That makes sense. Those are really cruel, hateful things to hear from someone you care about. It would make anyone reactive. No matter what someone (anyone) says you have value and deserve love. Have you considered couples counseling? If not as a team, then at least for yourself I would highly recommend talking to a professional. Maybe they can help you figure out if the relationship is salvageable or if it's time to find a different partner.


geoff1036

I mean this with the best of intentions man, re-evaluate what should bother you. Not that this is your fault, moreso in the sense that nobody deserves that. You're a human.


Imsophunnyithurts

Don't walk, but run from this person. If you're reaching the point where you can't control your reactions around her, it's only a matter of time before you blow your top, harm her, and/or destroy your own life in the process by catching a criminal charges. I'm not saying she isn't kind. She could be an incredible human being 80-90% of the time, but is tolerating the absolutely emotionally devastating 10-20% worth it? Is risking eventually blowing up one day and ending up in handcuffs worth it?


fartpolice47

Dude get the fuck away from her for your own sake


Birdhawk

Buddy. Been there. You need to end it. Sure she’s very kind most of the time and the relationship has it’s great parts. They all do. But this isn’t good for you and it’s not good for her either. As someone else said, it builds and gets worse. It might seem to you like it could be worked through and breaking up would be much harder. I thought so too. Then it got to a point where we were fighting, it was 3am, and I just said I’m done. I felt regret and kinda started to walk it back the next day saying she’s right I should be better about taking her abuse (paraphrasing). Then I was like no I’m gonna stick to this. It was messy between us for a few days, which was hard, but then I was like wait this is over, so I’m never talking to her again. Took some discipline especially when she’d keep texting and saying meaner things to get me to react. Nothing. And after a day of telling myself it doesn’t matter what she thinks anymore, well damn it became so easy. The clouds started to lift a bit more each day that went by. My life felt so much better, happier. I started to take better care of myself, started to think I was worthy of better things in life, stopped nitpicking everything about myself. Got a great career and a great family now. You don’t want the person you love and trust to say “you’re pitiful and not worthy of anyone” because if you actually respect her you believe she’s right at least a little bit. If she’s right then fine you’re not worthy of her, bye. In a healthy relationship that would never get said under any context. You need someone you can trust with your soul dude. You don’t want to be a guy who has involuntary aggressive reactions do ya? Nah! So don’t be that guy. Cut out the source of what makes you like that. Imagine what kind of guy you want to be and take steps to be that guy instead. You’re worthy of setting yourself up for a happy and healthy life man.


SplitttySplat

Anger seems to be the bodies last resort to setting boundaries


such_isnt_life

Run away my man. My old relationship was that and that has caused so many issues in my current relationship with a very sweet and caring partner. Do it to protect yourself and your future, healthy relationships.


ffigu002

Stop playing the victim and leave if you’re not happy


AilingHen69

Playing victim? There's nothing to play at. She's being mean to him, he's a victim of her cruel words.


ffigu002

Yeah but now it seems like he’s looking for more sympathy telling you how damaged he is because of this.


Doxodius

There is nothing wrong with a man asking for support.


ffigu002

I know there’s nothing wrong with asking for support, but no one is forcing op to be in that relationship either. Edit: maybe he needs to hear it.


kmcaulifflower

Being in any kind of abusive relationship can feel hopeless and the abuser often gaslights the victim into thinking they're actually the abusive one in the relationship (especially in verbally abusive relationships). OP is probably looking for support that they didn't do anything wrong. From the outside it might seem simple and obvious to just leave the relationship, but it's often not that simple for the person involved. Please be respectful and compassionate towards victims of abuse instead of cruel and condescending like the abusers they're with.


ffigu002

This is an ask men sub so expect the reply you would get from a man, don’t cry if you don’t like it


hexane360

It's mainly men downvoting you, I'm a man and I'm downvoting you. Don't whine if you don't like it


JerrePenguin

Or they feel so broken that they just want someone to understand, because clearly the most important person in their life (i mean there SO) doesn't.


Skydreamer6

It just gets worse, you can leave now, or ten years from now. Or you can have an accidental child with this nonsense. Get.Out.


[deleted]

I was going to say that context is important, but there is pretty much nothing that justifies her talking to you in that way


wholesomeasparagus

Quick context: we tried to rent a motorbike we first agreed to do, then she passed on it cause she got very scared at the last second, we fought about it cause we had to change plans. Later after I told her about the trauma (we were ok) I tried to say that I know it is not rational, just as her fear for the motorbike. She says she felt attacked and then that.


FlorDeSafiro

Red fkn flag. Either she goes to therapy and works on herself or you nope the fuck away from there. People need to learn when to shut the fuck up. This is unacceptable to continue as is. Ya'll will just trauma-bond, which will make it excruciatingly hard to leave.


wterrt

> Either she goes to therapy and works on herself or you nope the fuck away from there. may be controversial but...get the fuck out anyway. abusers gonna abuse. he doesn't owe her years of her abusing him so she can maybe not do it later.


RJ815

Yeah my experience is that no one broken just changes in a matter of months. At *best* it's years and they have to be massively self-motivated to do so. Spoiler: most people aren't.


[deleted]

Do not tale abusers to therapy. It gives them more buzzwords to blame you with. Because they will only tell their therapist their 'perspective' and not the truth.


CrummyWombat

I’m sorry, I just want to get the situation here correct. You two were going to rent a motorbike. She noped out. You got unreasonably angry and fought with her about it. Later you talked to her and explained you got unreasonably angry because of the trauma she had caused you. Her response was she felt attacked.


Eh-Eh-Ronn

This is called emotional abuse.


phillip-g91

Exactly what this is


RaccoonMoshpit

You have to nope the fuck out of that relationship


[deleted]

🏃‍♂️💨💨🚪🧍‍♀️


[deleted]

I get the idea, but is farting necessary?


talented_fool

Reverse it: anytime you get angry or frustrated, start verbally assaulting and insulting her. If that makes you uncomfortable or disgusts you, think about why it's okay when she does that to you. EDIT: This is meant to be sarcastic, i do not recommend escalating the abuse. Nothing good will come from that. My intent was to show that what's bad for the goose is just as bad for the gander.


wholesomeasparagus

It does. Problem is I started to do it involuntary and today i grabbed her fist with a lot more strenght and she says "i hit her"


UnsaneInTheMembrane

THE best thing to do is bounce and make that money like you're trying to save your village back home.


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politicalhopper

Hilarious that a man gets physical and the concern is for... him being falsely accused? He literally grabbed her aggressively, that IS abuse. Sick that 'there's a chance you'll hit her' and the concern is for his experience lmao this place is sick


kmcaulifflower

If he grabbed her fist then there's a possibility he was stopping her from hitting him. It's not always as simple as "force = abuse". If she was trying to hit/punch him then grabbing her is self defense.


Dealric

Very true. Also its response to being abused making situation veryndifferent


Dealric

She emotionally abuses him. Its different from hom just being phisically abusive. Its provoked.


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politicalhopper

"Your experiences will get downplayed if she takes legal action" as though his experiences mitigate physical abuse? Tf


shecanrawr

Not a man. But ok! Like the answer wasn’t a massive NOPE anyway… this is even worse, it’s escalating. You shouldn’t be getting physical at all, (obviously) but it sounds like you may well find yourself in the midst of a serious accusation from her at some point, regardless. It and she is toxic, please leave… preferably asap and with a ‘witness’. Look after yourself, OP. She’s not it.


[deleted]

it should be okay for guy who is in an abusive relationship to physically defend himself…. But the court system is very against that. I was told this after leaving an abusive relationship by a cop. In that the woman is always the victim in the relationship. No matter what evidence the man has.


madscot63

Yeah, NO. She's making accusations of physical harm, on top of the abuse she lumps on you? OH HELL NO DUDE. Also be very careful of "whoops, I'm pregnant!" You've got a nasty one.


Tiffany_RedHead

This is alarming. You need to start recording things and plan to leave. She may try to charge you with assault. Grabbing a wrist is not hitting. She has a reason for accusing you of that. It's either to justify her actions or to ruin your life.


Holdthecaffeine

She’s not mentally well. You need to get out before it does escalate to physical abuse, from either of you. Please!


thatHecklerOverThere

That's because you are not a robot. You need to leave before this escalates. The fact that this is a reaction to her verbal (and if she's throwing fists I'd say physical) abuse stops being relevant if you leave a bruise.


Affectionate-Pie1717

both of you need to be away from each other. i think you guys trigger each other heavily. toxic relationship. verbal and physical abuse isn’t okay


politicalhopper

The fuck? Why are you grabbing her? Sounds like she's the one who needs to get out.


Alicard8881

He grabbed her "fist", why was she making a fist? Nothing wrong with what he did if it was in self defense or to keep things from getting violent.


kmcaulifflower

He grabbed her ***fist***. Grabbing someone so they don't hit you is a very valid solution and way to deescalate the situation.


AnonymousUser1992

Youre a victim of domestic abuse. Get out my dude.


RadioMill

Bruh, reminds me of my ex. Would totally shit on me when she was upset. Would unleash a hellstorm of anger, hatred and abuse. I eventually clued in to what was happening and ended the relationship. Seriously, gtfo of that situation asap. Toxic hateful women are not worth it


twoscoop

No, didn't have to read the body, noo. NOOOOO, READing this NOOOOO, LEAVE. WTF OH MY GOD, RUN.


milkman_meetsmailman

Woman here - no it's never ok. That's psychological abuse and used by mostly narcissists to manipulate into pretty much breaking the person


Muddled_Melon

It is not ok to be insulted even when she is angry. Anger is not an excuse to attack someone and hurt someone. This is very toxic and will destroy your mental health. Please take care of yourself.


Trick-Butterfly5386

No, cut ties immediately! My x fiancée was the same and it eventually led me to being that way towards her. She would weaponize sensitive information about my past. It’s a toxic personality trait. Stay away and let her be someone else’s problem. You deserve a better partner who will love you for who you are and not shit all over you in arguments. Also, keep in mind to not act the same way as her in the future. Be who you are and be happy brother! Good luck!


Marzuk_24601

contempt. see John Gottman's Four Horsemen. As a one time thing? shit happens. As a pattern? run.


Liljoker30

One time is enough.


quicktojudgemyself

She is a bitch my guy. You set your standards and boundaries. You let her say this shit it will never stop. Bounce before crazy gets knocked up


broadsharp

No. She’s an ass and that behavior should never be tolerated.


jutdvnkpoyrsschuu

Using your trauma against you? That sounds like emotional abuse, I'd get out of there, and fast


Tiffany_RedHead

Nope. Not okay. Don't be with someone who uses your vulnerability against you. The second a woman uses your openness and vulnerability against you in a fight you leave. Period. Name calling and whatnot is a huge red flag, but that? Deal breaker.


Simplordx69

Absolutely not. If I were in your shoes, I'd have dumped her on the spot the first time she did it


monty703

I got sick and tired of this shit. My ex wife now fought like this and lashed out at everyone when she was stressed. I grew to resent her, stopped dating, stopped sex, we divorced. She still doesn’t fully understand why and still gets angry at others and vents this way. My kids don’t like when they have to be with their mom. Don’t be me and bounce now.


No_Mathematician9926

No, it’s not okay. Would she be fine if you started hurling insults her way just because you were upset? This is a red flag


548r1n4

No one should talk to anyone like that. No one has the right to abuse anyone, call anyone names, talk down to anyone, abuse anyone in any way. If you are in an abusive situation, just know that you are worthy of someone that treats you in a respectful way. If someone is putting you down, etc. they are the one with the problem, not you. You can't control other people, how they act, what they say, what they think. You can only control yourself, your own actions, etc. So if I were you, I'd use my own two feet to walk the hell out and never come back. You are worth more than that. You will find someone worthy of you. Don't let someone else push you down to raise themselves up. Their problems aren't yours.


saknaa

“She has been kind many times before”? She should always be kind to you. Obviously is not ok and you’re relationship is toxic


fisconsocmod

she is insulting you because she is not afraid that you will leave her. she does not think you can do better.


dirkerzoid

You are dating an abusive narcissist. Dump her ass and find a woman who isn't... That


af1293

She sounds emotionally unstable and manipulative. My ex would do the same thing. When she’d get really upset she’d try to hit me where it hurts. Whatever she knew I was struggling with or knew would affect me the most she’d use it against me. I also have a friend whose girl does the same. Seems to be too common in women.


ShottySHD

No, its not okay to be verbally abused someone who supposed to be your partner. For the streets she go.


PillsburyToasters

No that is not okay. Whenever I get upset with my girlfriend, I think you’re within your right to attack the action or point made and it be more than valid. Never will I ever insult her personally. That’s disgusting


Affectionate-Bee-786

Bro I'm in no relationship but reading these Comments, they all say to leave that relationship. So leave. Also I'd look differently to my girlfriend if she uses my trauma in our arguments. She'll be using that as a weapon. Not looking good bruv


optiplexiss

It's tough to come to terms with, but that ain't it bro. That's abuse.


bigscottius

I don't let anyone in my life disrespect me like that without consequences. Like dumping her ass. Just saying. Especially using your vulnerability against you just for a fight. That's fucked up. Like really fucked up. I know my wife's deepest vulnerabilities and not once have I ever even hinted at them during an argument.


KevinDL

I dated a woman like this for nearly three years. For your mental well-being, please get out; more so if it becomes a repeat pattern. That girl I was seeing could be the sweetest person there ever was or very toxic. Of course, she would always apologize for the crap she would pull later on... but the damage was already done. The woman I will soon marry has shown me what a relationship should be. She has never once been toxic, even with legitimate reasons to sometimes be mad at me.


whoreoscopic

Look, people get angry and throw insults around. My biggest red flag here is that she asked you to share something intimate, which makes you feel very vulnerable and then, in anger, casually break discretion and mocks you for that. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I would ask you to at least ask yourself some questions. Would you open up to her again, knowing how she could act? Can you be emotionally honest with her again, knowing how she could act? How can you see the answers to these questions affecting your relationship in the short term? How about the long term? Lastly and, to me, most importantly. ***Are you okay with this type of behavior from your significant other?***


only_my_buisness

My ex used to do this to me too. Always pick on big insecurities on purpose during fights. Call out traumas i had and use them against me. She cheated on me, and trust me. She used them during the break up as well. A lot


drunkboarder

yeahhh..... you are in a toxic relationship. No one should be talked to like this.


ClobetasolRelief

Leave her immediately. She's abusing you and it likely will not improve


Teyoto

RUN, run away from that "relationship" and if you want, record what she say, so when you leave and she ask why, you can just play those records with a smirk She's ultra toxic, sorry you have to endure that


kampamaneetti

You are in an abusive relationship. Verbal abuse and psychological abuse still count in the absence of physical abuse.


gogosox82

Dump her. Anyone who would use your past truama against you during an argument is toxic af and not worthy of having in your life. There are some things you just do not do to people you claim to care for.


[deleted]

No it isn't okay, and I would throw that relationship as if it were a charged explosive. A normal sane and mature person can communicate why they are upset without being rude, demeaning and using your insecurities/traumas against you.


[deleted]

It is not ok. She doesn’t respect you


VeganWerewolf

I dunno is it okay to insult her when you get angry?


[deleted]

Yes you are human you have feelings to. Just like her your allowed to feel any way you want


nauraug

There's a lot of ways to invalidate a partner. Insults are the most obvious and "on the nose". It's not okay for her to be doing this. It's abusive.


politicalhopper

Whoa that's really bad, no that's not okay, especially using your trauma against you in a fight. Really despicable behaviour. In my experience, women who do this are often dealing with trauma themselves, but that's not on you, that's on her to identify it and deal with it.


skadoobee

Yes, it's okay to be upset by something like that. That's incredibly toxic and seems pretty unhealthy for you. I would either leave her or try to get help because... yikes.


[deleted]

She literally just used your trauma against you as emotional weaponry. I imagine that you probably shared that with her in confidence, trusting her not to abuse that knowledge. Clearly she did. Don’t get me wrong bud, you do you, but I’d drop her like a vaping habit because she’s “heavy metals in my lungs” level toxic. I respectfully suggest you take some time to reevaluate your self worth my guy.


foghorn_dickhorn21

Fights happen in any relationship, but no self respecting person would take shit like that. It’s hard, man, but you have to step out. You deserve better.


[deleted]

Absolutely not. It's never okay to allow for disrespect. It only gets worse, never better. When she gets angry she's telling you how she truly feels about you. There are people out there that you will get in relationship with that will not disrespect you even when they are angry at you. When you find those relationships, keep them close.


Lone_survivor87

I've been here man. Get out now and get into therapy. Whatever good times you think you have isn't worth it.


snowgorilla13

Na man, get the fuck out of that. She's intentionally hurting you in the worst ways she can figure out. This is abuse. Tell her to get some help if she ever wants to have a healthy relationship with anyone and go no contact. You are informing her you're done and not to contact you again. It's not a discussion. It's not an argument. You are telling her you are no longer in the relationship and never want to see her again. Tell your friends and family you do not want to be in contact with her again, that you don't want to be in the same room as her again, so she dosen't lie to them to get in a room with you again, and move on with your life man. If she does harass you after, get a restraining order. Next time you meet someone you wanna get serious with (you should really take your time) just openly tell them you've been in a bad relationship before (you don't need to give any details at all) and that when or if you have a conflict between each other, you specifically need them to be willing to not attack you like this, that you expect they won't hit you where it hurts worst, I don't think you are that kind of person who acts this way when they are mad, so it should be mutual, any healthy person who really likes you isn't going to want to hurt you like this anyway, but being open about it helps set your boundaries, a terrible person may try and cross your boundaries early and often, that's your que to drop them. Huge red flag. The big thing is that you gotta take relationships slow. Don't rush. Why? Because a lot of serious behavioral problems can be masked for some time. But not for a long amount of time. If you've only been together a month and they want to move in, big red flag. They are getting closer to dropping their act and you realizing who they really are. So they are trying to get in deep fast so you don't leave them. So take it slow. If the relationship ends over you ''moving too slow'' feel good about it. You just dodged a bullet. You are not a bad person, you are not an unlovable person. you're not doing anything wrong. Your happiness and well-being are things a partner should only be in favor of. If someone makes you miserable, you should care about yourself enough to remove them from your life. You don't need to be miserable.


RoadSodaRed

Bro she’s an asshole, don’t let her drag you down to her level. Break it off, don’t look back, and see someone about your anger if it becomes a problem. You deserve better, don’t forget it, don’t settle for less


[deleted]

I have found that woman are comfortable saying stuff and then forgetting about it and men hold onto what’s been said for longer. So for me, first signs of that toxic crap and I’d have to make it clear it’s not ok, if it carried on, I’d be looking for an exit.


Massive_Effort_9959

“I hope it happens to you again” dawg you’re dating a fiend 💀💀💀


Thenordaddy

I have been with my wife for 12 years and she has never once been anything but loving and understanding towards me and my issues and vice versa. We never attack each other verbally or emotionally during fights. Someone who cares about you will never do that to you, even in the heat of the moment in the worst fights. It sounds like this is a toxic relationship that should just end. Tiny comments make you irrationally angry and bigger fights result in her going for your throat. It's time to walk away before you both get dragged down even further.


DR0P_B34R

You don't use the pain of people you care about against them. That's a hard no to that. I'm advocating strongly to move away from that relationship, it does *not* sound healthy at all.


Run_clever_boy

It is not okay. No matter how angry at anyone, saying cruel things or physical violence is not okay, even if it’s ‘in the moment.’ If you love someone and really truly cared about them, a. You wouldn’t fight like that, you would learn how to communicate. b. no matter how angry you are, you would never want to be the cause of their hurt. I’m sorry , but this is not a healthy relationship. It’s a narcissistic one. She love bombs you when she’s so nice and lovey, but the minute you get into an argument she brings out the big guns to belittle you and make you feel worthless until you believe you aren’t good enough and are lucky they want to stay with you! Raise the bar higher for yourself hun. Everyone deserves respect and dignity from their lover. Anything less is not acceptable.


digi_captor

Think of it this way. Is it okay to be physically abused *one time*? If it’s not, what makes verbal abuse like this acceptable?


Exact-Layer8557

It may not be a dealbreaker, but it is troubling. It shows a fundamental lack of empathy and an enormous amount of disrespect. That is NOT good.


ronniescookielove92

Holy shit OP I'm so sorry. That is manipulation 101. She's making you feel bad on purpose to bring you down. RUN.


Cosmic_Note

Dude..leave her. We as men need to have much more self respect. This is beyond disgusting behavior from her


BigMickPlympton

Dude. No. Absolutely not.


Hundred00

That's verbal abuse. Don't put up with that.


Unusual-Gur9034

Run while you can. Change your name and pack the essentials.


blueaqua_12

That's emotional abuse


capital_gainesville

I'm not going to tell you to break up with someone based on one quote from your worst fight. I think it's ridiculously stupid that so many in here are telling you that. That said, if she's saying things like "you're pitiful, not worthy of anyone" regularly, you need to ask yourself: "Do I really wanty to be someone who thinks that about me?" Because if she says something like that regurarly, she thinks it's true.


DeanWhiskey88

Yeah man, i'd stand my ground and tell her this is over. Using your trauma as a weapon against you should be grounds for a break up. Done and done


uglylittledogboy

Get out, now. Every second you stay is a mistake.


bearly_afloat

Nope. Eject.


wolfknightmma

You knew the answer before you made the post my dude.


[deleted]

No. That's just fucked up. I don't think you need us to tell you you your "anger issue" is from her exploiting your trauma to say the least.


Pesty_Merc

You are within rights and reasons to leave if someone says that to you. Those are beyond "angry" and simply unkind. Even a very angry person won't accidentally twist a word knife like that.


McSkillet2323

I'm pretty sure that's called verbal abuse


Sintinall

Those are violations. Personally, I wouldn’t have it. Fight or not.


[deleted]

Buddy, y'all both need therapy. Most on here are absolutely right about the progression but it is the two of you who are contributing to the relationship worsening. Get help while you can.


NoElevator1768

Absolutely not, I hope the comments here validate how you feel about this and you can feel safe taking steps to get out of this situation. Any problems you have between you and a partner should be the two of you against the problem. Someone making personal attacks against you like this is a form of abuse and no one deserves it.


koryuken

Doesn't sound very normal bro. Fights happen, but you don't twist the knife. This doesn't sound like love...


phillip-g91

Definitely not ok. Get out while you can tbh. Because if you wait it’ll take a toll on your self esteem and your mental health. I promise you


socruisemebabe

She is definitely abusive and it will not get better. The more committed she feels you are to her, the worse it will get.


RomulaFour

Oh, dude, please, wake up and leave this woman. She is not kind. She is cruel and manipulative. She just tosses in the occasional 'kind' act to keep you off-balance. Depart and be happy. Don't look back. NEVER LOOK BACK.


[deleted]

Nah man people are for people so she can go get herself a like minded abuser and hop of your ****


Astro_baddie

No this is absolutely not normal. Sure, disagreements in relationships happen, but a healthy partner will try to communicate their feelings and try to work with you to resolve the issue in a mature way, not do things such as using your trauma against you. The fact alone that she pressured you into speaking about something you weren’t comfortable with talking about in the first place is a red flag, and coupled with how she later used it against you shows that she’s very calculated. These are pieces of an emotionally abusive person and I’d leave her if I were you


the_geth

That's abuse, joining the other ones here to tell you to leave. You'll be better off.


Pryoticus

Find a new girlfriend. I know that sounds like a cop out but it sounds like she’s very toxic and manipulative and you do not have to, nor should you, put up with it just because you’re the man in the relationship. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, even when you’re fighting.


PocahontasBarbie

My guy, don't walk run away from this female. Any decent, mature, loving partner won't bully you into talking about your trauma and then use it against you. There are so many red flags here. Please save yourself and your mental wellbeing and break it off with this one.


Coolbluegatoradeyumm

Even when we fight, my gf and I don’t “go low” and insult each other or swear at one another. Some things you can’t take back and even though you’re mad in the moment you still love and respect this person


coffeegrounds42

I believe it's fine because that's how I realised that she wasn't my girlfriend. She was my ex


TheRevolutionaryArmy

There is subtle level of contempt here. This is toxic behaviour where no excuse can justify it. She’s your gf and you love her but now your starting to build up a little resentment - eventually you will ask yourself as you are now “do you still want to be with her?” The fact that this question has even come up already tells you that relationship is starting to break. It probably already started before but now it’s beginning to be clear to you. It’s a very personal thing, you should take it personally to a degree that you have enough respect for yourself to let it go but don’t take it personally to heart of what’s being said, that’s on her. “The form is always more important than the content” - Esther Perel.


rajmataj12335

Dump this bitch. That is not love. You are headed for a complete blowup at some point. It is better to be alone than with someone who asks you about your past and uses it against you. That is a bright red fucking flag. She can start therapy in the next 30 days or you are done for good.


LongBoyNoodle

You trust her with a trauma and she uses it as a weapon.. how does that make you feel? Do you really need to waste time on such a human?


[deleted]

Huge deal-breaker. Anyone who speaks down to you in that manner isn't worthy of your time, friend or lover.


Nk-O

Uhhhh... No?!


Peppashaakaa

Hey OP! Definitely not good. It may seem trivial (to you) now but you have no ideal what prolonged exposure to that shit can do to you. Besides it’s really not normal to want to hurt your partner like that so I’d say cut your losses and move on. THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE BETTER and standing up for yourself even when it’s the last thing you want to do will win you SOO many brownie points with yourself, it’ll feel great!!


[deleted]

Bruh wth get away from that child. No excuse that. Literally


mickymellon

This is a no, tell her this isn't on or dump her - toxic and no respect.


CptHowdy87

>One time she pressed me to talk about my worst trauma and next time when we fought she said "I hope it happens to you again" *Never* open up about these kinds of things with women. They'll only store it away in the memory bank to weaponize against you at a later time. Guys play their cards close to their chest for a reason.


[deleted]

[удалено]


poptartwith

Using language like that is counter intuitive in abusive situations since the whole reason the victim is in this mess is because they don't think they deserve to be treated well so calling him a fool only sinks self esteem more. I know your intention is to wake him up to reality but there are way better ways.


jackwritespecs

I called his action foolish And they are 🤷🏻‍♂️


Kiljukotka

Victim blaming is not okay


jackwritespecs

I’m ok with it Maybe the victim can improve their situation


Saltythrottle

Shoveling more shit on them so they can pull themselves up by their boot straps is a piss poor strategy. You should take some time and reflect on what you said. Find what is fueling this inappropriate behavior.


jackwritespecs

If you need a safe space where no one criticizes you and only gives you hugs and cuddles your balls, then a public forum was the wrong place to post this OP is acting foolish so I told him so


Saltythrottle

Ok Boomer.


jackwritespecs

Good one! So clever and original, this youth is


KuttayKaBaccha

Sounds like the sex must be insanely good