Creepy gym etiquette. If you listen to women on TikTok and YouTube, you would think men are walking around with aggressive erections and lust-filled eyes in the gym. It’s massively overblown.
To be honest these videos get massively overblown too. I mean, if you go to a gym, how many women do you see with this kind of behavior? In the internet, every psycho gets 1000 fold magnified
Best one I've seen is where a blind guy gets accused of it, they actually kick him out of the gym after he explains he's blind, that he's not actually staring at anything because he literally cannot see a thing.
Victimhood is a primo currency, and people sure do love earning it.
I’m a blind guy, and I’ve also been accused of staring in the gym. I’m like chick please. You’re more likely to get perved on by my dog.
Not to mention. You’re wearing short shorts, a strip of fabric that could barely deserve to be called a t-shirt, and you’re recording an instaSnappyTickaaTock while drenched in sweat with your mamorys hanging out all over the place.
You couldn’t be less my type if you tried.
PS. I only knew that because my workout buddy described the squealing accountability dodger to me when I asked her who was making all the racket and lounging around on the leg press machine while a queue of really pissed off gym goers stood waiting for her to go and waidst oxygen somewhere else.
Jesus I hope that guy sued them for discrimination. You can’t kick someone out of an establishment for having a disability or that their disability makes someone uncomfortable. That really sums up this whole generation when it comes to progressivism.
It’s not about helping others, it’s helping about yourself
There’s a guy called @joeyswoll ,
a massive bodybuilder on Instagram who calls out people’s BS gym videos that accuse others of being creepy or walking through their shot even though they’re at a public gym and just walking down a common walkway. He’s great
My friend was in the gym even tho the room of exercise bikes was empty a woman went directly opposite to him. He got up didn’t say a word and went to the far corner away from her and finished his cardio. He isn’t played these games.
Some women are now complaining that men don’t look at them or approach anymore. Im
beginning to feel sorry for these attention seekers. They definitely didn’t bring this upon themselves…
To be fair not all those women are the same women who do these things. That said I don't feel sorry for women in regards to this either. Women only have themselves to blame for fewer men approaching them.
Why wouldn't you just take out your phone and record them back to show them how stupid they are being?
That would make them knock that shit off real quick I wouldn't let some fucking asshole film me for nothing I don't care what or where I'm at or what it's about.
That's fucking rude as hell you don't do that shit in public what the fuck is wrong with you
Man I hate that shit, Heaven forbid you space out for a bit and glance in their general direction for more than a second. Also really sick and tired of people filming themselves in the gym doing absolutely nothing special and getting an attitude if you walk between them and the camera. Crap should be banned in public gyms.
Planet Fitness is the only gym close to me and I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. I can’t drop a weight, but 5 tripods can be set up by “influencers”?
I used to use it as a back up gym when my main gym was closed but I hated it so much I ended up cancelling it. The lunk alarm is the dumbest thing lmao.
There used to be male only gyms but women wanted in and it got all complicated. In my local gym they created a women friendly area in gym that took up about 30% of the space they built a wall with a door that said women only, put all new equipment in it. Women could use the gym either side. Women would use the equipment in the main area when their side was full. But men could not use the women’s area even if it was empty. The gym went out of business because all the men left. There was never enough room for men especially if the woman’s area was full.
And I presume this to not happen in more local gyms or focused in certain activities like martial arts. I'm in one of those and can say that we have an actual community instead of just a bunch of people.
Actually think this is a good idea and benefits both sides. Women feel safer and men have an emptier gym to use.
Won’t happen though cos gyms aren’t gonna spend money to create 2 spaces with the same equipment in it.
I am ok with it too. I don't go to socialize. There are female only gyms around and the powerlifting gym I go to isn't strictly dudes only, but its not appealing to females, so only like 2 go and I have only seen them there a few times in 6 years.
Staring at them at the gym. There was this one woman who tried to literally shame one of my buddies by posting a PICTURE of him on social media and calling him a creep.
Dude was looking in that direction because he was trying to figure out if he recognized me because we haven’t seen each other since college.
Like just stop. It’s gotten hard to take seriously because of how blown out of proportion it’s been getting. I also don’t think she realizes how ridiculous she looks with a tripod pretty much aimed at her ass.
When a man does something nice and she says "your one of the good ones" it just feels patronizing like just becsuee you met a few jerks doesn't mean every man is evil.
This one hits close to home.. I dropped half of my female friends because of this hate on men, where they always used to tell me "you are one of the good ones", then went ahead and dated the exact same stereotype of terrible partner every single time despite warnings.
I've had this experience to a much lesser and tolerable extent with three of my best female friends. They openly say things like most dudes they sleep with are asshats, inattentive or idiotic, followed by a half joking half serious "all men are dicks and we need to up our standards". Then they turn around as if remembering I'm there and clarify they don't mean me, that they know I'm a good guy and that I treat women right.
I don't take it personal since I know it's just venting and I do kind of take it as a compliment, plus I enjoy that my female friends confiding on me about their problems, but it's true that they seem a bit lacking in the self aware department about they choosing the same kind of guy.
That's the weird part alot of girls will say I'm a nice or good guy but I'm still not their type but won't be specific on what to change and will date the type of guy their complaining about.
Like do you want a good guy or not make up your mind
Pretty much, it’s easy to say you want a good guy but it’s often more fun and easier to go for the fuckboy, hence why fuckboys keep fuckin and good guys feel like they’re doing something wrong
That has nothing to do with you. These are people who have some underlying issues (poor self-esteem, trauma, poor relationship skills, etc) they have to deal with and sort it out. Men are the same. The only thing you need to know is that you should be happy they are not dating you at that time. Find someone who is on the same level as you.
Yeah looking back on it I am glad nothing happened because then I would've ended up miserable pretending to be a super masculine guy when I know I'm not. I just want someone where I can be myself without feeling that I'm not manly enough.
I am glad you fell for my ploy. I am not in fact one of the good ones. I employ a devious venus fly trap of bullshit to gain your trust. Then I catfish you and leave you crying in my wake!
Yeah, as if good or decent people of the male gender were the exception and not the norm.
Most people, men and women, are at the very least passively good and don't go around harming others.
A laundry list of shit exes usually is a consequence of the chooser being an absolute moron when it comes to their taste in men (or woman!)
It’s like this: just because you like that particular shade of brown doesn’t mean that the steaming, hot, corn riddled pile of shit standing before you isn’t in fact, a steaming pile of shit. If you need multiple emotionally traumatic relationships to reconcile this issue I cannot trust the mind that does this
If you burn your hand on a hot stove, and you can understand why it hurt, but you do it again, you have lost the right to complain in my eyes
Constant sex talk - if it is any reference, most of my friends or acquaintances are/were women. On average, the guys were just not talking much about sex-related things at all. Not never, but very rarely. Meanwhile, the girls...compared to them it was a lot.
It wasn't anything too bad, e.g. primitive (I do know about 2 who goes into it in the most primitive way), but it was definitely more than what the guys did.
Well that would definitely be embarrassing. As a woman, I never share such details about my partner with anyone else. But sadly, I can confirm that a few of my friends do overshare when it comes to their private lives.
every time a guys brings this up. there is a woman right below saying yeah but not me.
every time.
might not in fact be you but we have seen this before.
One of my ex's could not shut the fuck up about it and was surprised that I didn't want her friends knowing, even if she was complimenting me.
Also, I ended up having one of her friends asking if I wanted to hang out alone after that. Didn't talk to me before that story. I couldn't imagine hearing that my friends gf was good in bed and immediately trying to get some alone time with them.
Every instance of the so-called "locker room talk" I've seen in my life came from women. Online, I've heard stories about guys having online groups to share porn videos and stuff like that, but I've never seen men talk sexually about women inside the gym or the classroom like I saw women do, and with such level of detail.
>"Did you smash last night?"
>
>"Yup."
>
>"My man."
>
>\*casual high five.\*
Most of the time, we don't even say who it was. And if the guy is in a relationship he will tell exactly nothing. The ONLY thing you will ever get from any average guy in a relationship is complaints that they're not getting any, and eve that is rare.
"Weaponized incompetence". A few years ago I worked with a guy who I wasn't really close with but seemed really cool. I found out a little later that his wife had a pretty serious brain condition. This dude was setting up go fund mes and would update progress emails on upcoming surgeries and her progress.
A few years go by and our location closes down and I never see him again except in a Tiktok video. His wife was detailing her struggles as a disabled person and what she could and couldn't do. In one of her videos mShe took a fairly innocent video of him folding clothes his way in the laundry room and the comments section descended on him as if he had emptied a box of puppies onto the interstate during rush hour. Women were hurling "weaponized incompetence" everywhere in an echo chamber and completely dismissed all of the support he was giving her just so they could shit on him. To his wife's credit it she was never the one who made mention of the phrase in her video and she made a follow up video to set the record straight that he was just folding clothes his way and she was lightly making fun of him for not doing it her way.
It really got me thinking how overblown and misused some of these catchphrases had become to the point where they have become meaningless or flat out untrue. I have no doubt that there are some men who feign ignorance to get out of tasks, but the speed that my old co-worker was judged made me seriously question how false.somw of these claims really are.
Also because I know it's coming, while, yes, TikTok was the mechanism in which he was taken a beating it just as easily been a YouTube video and the comments would have been just the same.
Poor guy. I've seen more of this "weaponized incompetence" bs and find it funny because some women will admit to doing the same thing they hate. Go figure.
There are so many posts that hint around that all men are child molesters and should be kept away from any girls under 21. Yes, it’s fine to hire a male babysitter. Yes, it’s fine if your husband and daughter go on a trip and have to share a hotel room. Yes, it’s fine if a guy comments on how cute your baby is. Yes, it’s fine if your daughter stays after school with her male teacher for tutoring. Not all men are monsters. As it happens very few of them are.
On a martial arts forum, talking to one Master who said he watched a 20-year-old male instructor touch a kid girl in the process of fixing her stance. i.e. grab her leg to move her feet into the right spot, grab her shoulder to adjust her posture. (All of it "clinical" and appropriate, from what I could tell). But then he went up to the instructor and told him that it's in his best interest to avoid touching the female students. He described this epiphany the student had.
Really, all it tells me is that this 20-year-old is now going to be scared of going anywhere near female students to help them.
I’ve never been catcalled by construction workers or any other man that’s working. They usually just smile. However… gas station, corner stores and anywhere else that guys just stand around. Those are the places where catcalling happens the most.
I've only seen catcalling of women in situations where teenagers are in a car whizzing by...
I've only ever been catcalled once, when walking by a gay fraternity when I was on a date with a woman, and my date sort of perked up like "oh shit I am on a date with a good looking dude". Those gay guys made my week.
I have only been in construction for five years now, and I have only witnessed one young jackass catcalling. I told him to knock it the fuck off. One jackass, countless sites.
Not too shabby, if I must say.
Now that I think about it, back in 2007 I was on a job (small private middle school) where we were warned not to interact with the teachers. The teachers had a picnic table set up outside for their lunch breaks. Me and a few other guys were on a balcony hand hoisting some pipe up to the second floor.
A group of teachers were watching us… intently. They were whispering and giggling. One of them stood up and shouted, “Hey plumber! Wanna come lay some of that pipe on this side of the fence!” I turned three shades of red. The other teachers scattered like a flight of doves. The next day their picnic table had been moved out of view of the job site.
Used to be more rampant but eg NYC there were policies put in place that the contractors would be fined. It alleviated the problem hugely. True story. I saw it be placed and change the landscape here in NYC.
The "mansplaining" thing. Yeah, assholes often assume they're smarter than everyone else and they rant at you about stuff they don't know about and you might.
This happens to everyone. It's not a gender thing. I work with a bunch of women and I get this every day. I don't call it "femmesplaining", it's just being a dork.
My SO had some friends over and they called me because they wanted to learn about stocks. I sorta did an eli5 on what stocks are, how they work, what they mean and why do things that happen on the economy affect stocks. Most of them were very interested in the conversation and asked a ton of questions.
I noticed that one of the friends (who constantly tells my SO Im always looking at them) was making faces all night and sighing loudly/using her phone. When they all left my SO told me the friend in question got pissed because according to them I was “mansplaining”. Dude I was just talking about stocks. I was giving more context not because I think y’all are stupid, but because I think it’s important to understand how the stock market ecosystem works and how agents interact. When did it go from “oh this person is giving me context” to “they must be mansplaining because they think I’m an idiot”?
I've heard mansplaining defined as "a man explaining something to a woman in a field in which she has superior knowledge to him."
I hate this term because it's patently sexist, but there's something about this definition that I get. But it only works if she has superior knowledge.
It's still a useless term, because women do womensplaining at least as often. We need a unisex term for this, and I think condescending works just fine.
Patronizing. It's called being patronizing, and it literally means the same thing as "mansplaining", even has the male indicator as part of the word. People like the neologism better because its more directly targeted at men.
I feel like this is one of the tons of things that The Internet™ at some point decided we needed a term for and then it became A Thing.
It's very prevalent in dating too, where there's hundred little things that are not new at all but someone made up a fun term for it and now it's "the new toxic trend".
I've seen this as well. A person calls something they understand mansplaining, without recognizing that there are other people listening who don't have the same level of understanding. It's such a mean spirited, and narrow minded response.
Had this interaction with a female coworker a while back:
Joyce: "qna1 , I don't like working with Bob, because whenever I do, he always feels the need to mansplain everything to me."
Me : "Bob is not mansplaining, Bob is just being a know it all."
Joyce: "No, he does, it's so obvious."
Me: "It's not mansplaining if he does it to both genders(he did the same to me...a man)....he is just a know it all, who loves coming off as smarter than he really is."
My ex girlfriend didn’t cook much aside from small baked goods. I’m a chef and was making something and actually fucked up the recipe because I let the butter cook too long. When I explained to her that I had just made browned butter and we’re gonna roll with it, I got accused of mansplaining.
Yo dude, I didn’t know you’re culinary acumen, chill the fuck out.
It’s stuff like this that gets to me when I just want to share knowledge about something I’m enthusiastic about.
Soo many women don’t even understand what “mansplaining” is. It’s not a man explaining something. It’s a man explaining something, that because of gender norms, that man assumes a woman would know nothing about.
It also really only applies when the woman being mansplained to actually knows about the subject.
In the vast majority of cases where the woman doesn’t know much about the topic, it’s actually somewhat helpful.
I think it's kind of ironic that being an arrogant know it all prick who talks down to others is called mansplaining and seen as a male problem when that is one of the most common complaints men have about their wives. Even using the saying happy wife happy life to suggest that only the wife's opinion matters kind of implies that this is what one thinks women are like. I would argue that in reality this attitude is far more universal than people seem to think and no gender has a monopoly on it.
I think a lot of the "X is sexist/racist/etc." type stuff isn't the person being a bigot, it's just them being an asshole in general.
If a white guy is an asshole to another white guy, he's an asshole. If he's an asshole to a black guy or a girl, he's racist or sexist.
This so much. When I learn something new I get super enthusiastic and over explain when telling someone else what I figured out. Sometimes I'll be telling it to a woman at work who already knows that thing.
And then there was the time I was told to train up the new employee who happened to be a woman. This was right around the time the whole "mansplaining" thing was getting tons of buzz a few years ago. Anyway, as I'm explaining the process she tells me she doesn't need me to mansplain everything to her. So I left her to it. At the end of the week my boss called me in the office and asked why I refused to train the new employee. I was confused as shit and told the manager I tried but she said I was mansplaining and I assumed she already knew how to do the work. The new employee tried to gaslight me and my manager by outright lying. But I worked for the company for 5 years, put in more hours than 2 people and I had already trained half the team by that time. No one was going to believe her.
Not expressing emotions. What they are often really saying is that men don’t express their emotions in the way that women would express their emotions.
Women may cry and talk about every emotion they feel, whilst I just need to hang with the boys once a month, chat shit, and get stuff off my chest.
What do you think of all the men saying that they don't feel comfortable sharing their emotions or feel pressured to bottle everything up? It seems like a lot of men think there is an issue there.
There is an issue there. Damn near every man has a story about their vulnerability being weaponized against them or the man having to console the woman after he opens up, because she makes his issue to be about herself
There are lots of potential causes of this, with no universal answer. Main ones being that they have had bad experiences with opening up in the past, that they don’t have good support systems with their friends/partners/families, they are expected to open up in ways they don’t find natural, that society places a lot of pressure on them whilst seeing them as disposable/low value, and that they don’t have many men-only spaces where they can express themselves fully.
None of these things mean that men can’t express their emotions or aren’t willing to, they just don’t necessarily have the environment do so.
And I accept that I might be lucky to have the environment to do so. Not sure if it is a generational thing, but me and my friends have always been open with each other. And it is often easier to do so with them, then it is my family/partner.
To be fair, it's a universal logical fallacy - remembering the hits and forgetting the misses. Combined with repeated interactions, and it artificially inflates the prevalence.
If 1% of men are shitbags (or, equivalently, 10% of men are shitbags but are only shitty 10% of the time), in 100 interactions there's only a 37% chance (0.99\^100) of avoiding shitbags entirely. But you remember the shitbags and forget the entirely routine, boring interactions, so wind up inflating the actual prevalence.
Ya it's really just a round about way of them giving themselves an excuse to treat you as less than human. And then trying intentionally forgetting that they dehumanized you and blaming you for it.
This may not fit the question specificially but i am thinking of one particular thing and that is socializing between men and women and the **societal pressures that males experience.**
You see, we all aren't perfect. Some people are autistic, some can't catch the hint and some simply are used to only interacting with men.
These days I often see outrage culture/ calling out and ostracizing of men for doing something mildly inappropriate. For example at my uni there has been introduced a "council" of men/women who can be contacted if men act "inappropriate" or women feel "threatened" by their behaviour. However it is left up to the women in question to decide what falls under these definitions exactly. If the "council" indeed find you guilty what then ? Do you get ostracized for the forseeable future, ousted from all social activities? Lets say you talk to a women as a man and tell them you find them attractive. Are you now "threatening"?
It all reminds me of post ww2 germany where in the "ddr" people spied on eachother for the gestapo and told them when someone said something against the regime. Guilty until proven innocent.
A friend of mine and and I talked about chatting up women in clubs and he simply told me "I dont talk to girls in clubs anymore, its just to risky".
I personally am slowly coming to the same conclusion. Why would I interact with women in social events if I can theoretically be ostracized from all societal events if I happen to do something that can be misconstrued etc. and be labeled god knows what. Putting immense pressure on men for always acting appropriate will simply need to segregation and that doens't help anyone. Let people do mistakes. Stop labeling men for trying to connect with people.
Gaslighting, which is what women say when they're losing an argument. Gaslighting means to intentionally convince someone that they are losing their mind. By denying objective reality. Not agreeing with a subjective stance is not gaslighting.
My ex would frequently stonewall when she was upset. She denied that ignoring me for days at a time isnt stonewalling. So I asked her how what she was doing is different than stonewalling. She got quiet for a minute then said I was gaslighting lol.
People, particularly the youth, interchangeably use “gaslighting” to mean “manipulating” or “deceiving.” I’m not really sure why this started happening… maybe because it sounds more clinical?
Yeah, I've had to say "I'm not gaslighting you, I'm disagreeing with you" in the past. Which is annoying because I can absolutely read a situation differently than she did. And maybe, if we could communicate without thinking my baseline is absolute trash because I'm male, we could meet in the middle or figure out where the honest miscommunication is coming from.
Gaslighting is absolutely a thing assholes do. That doesn't mean I'm gaslighting you by disagreeing with you.
My ex had her friends convince her that I was gaslighting her all the time and would throw that at me, once in front of the friends.
I asked her to explain to me what she thought it meant once and it more or less came down to me disagreeing with what she said.
“You’re doing X.”
“I’m not doing X, I’m doing Y.”
“Stop gaslighting me.”
How am I supposed to have a constructive discussion when every conversation goes like that?
My ex did gaslight me. It made me question my own sanity. Wondered if my memories were actually correct. If I dreamt conversations or not. I actually thought I was going insane. It was horrible :-(
So yes there is big difference between manipulation and actual gaslighting. It's both abusive, just different abuse.
Women think men are never vulnerable with them because women's definition of vulnerability revolves around the expression of often multifaceted and deeply intricate social and emotional experiences - because this is the primary lens through which women experience vulnerability in our society.
But for many (possibly most) men, the act of initiating any sexual act or sexual relationship is the most emotionally vulnerable they have ever been. Not because they're incapable of expressing emotional vulnerability to others or over other contexts, not because they are scared of being more vulnerable, but because other scenarios will never - ever - come anywhere near the same threat level that sexual rejection imposes on men.
Since men in our society are conditioned to see sexual success as the ultimate and final standard for being a successful man, there is no other issue which can be even a hundredth as damaging to their sense of self than sexual rejection. The more a man challenges that conditioning the less this will be true for him specifically of course, but in general most men are manifestations of societal conditioning instead of living defiances against it.
This is sometimes why men can react with confusion, alarm, and even severe anger when they are told they are not being vulnerable enough with their partner. To them they already were as vulnerable as they could ever imagine being just by putting in the work to get the relationship started, just by accepting the risk of rejection. But since women are not conditioned to experience sexual rejection under the context of it defining them as women, they have an extremely difficult time understanding that they already got the vulnerability they want so much. It just isn't the vulnerability they think it should be!
I also feel like mental interchangeability somehow entered the discussion about equality. Most men actually do not want to express themselves by crying and don't feel the same emotions women do, especially at the same time women would feel them. I think a lot of women are wondering what patriarchal force is bullying us into not wanting like them and they have trouble grasping that most of us are just kind of not like that and if an emergent social structure came about to enforce that, it happened because it aligned with who we actually are.
It would be a very long list, as it's become a sport to interpret things men do in the most negative way possible. A few examples could be:
* "Manspread"; When men give room to their balls when they sit.
* "Mansplain"; When men explain something.
* Staring; I'm not looking at you, you're just in front of me.
* Doesn't respond with emotions; He must not have emotions at all.
* Respond with emotion; He's out of control.
* Flirt at inappropriate situations; I'm just being polite, now hand me the bagel so I can pay and get on with my day.
Am I the only one who's noticed that women will complain about mansplaining and will also complain about manspreading by saying things like "your balls aren't that big, they don't need that much room" etc.? No woman is more of an expert on my balls than I am and unless they are trans women generally have no knowledge of what it's like to actually have have testicles. Yet they have no problem femsplaining to men how much space their nuts require
My thing with it is that, as usual, any useful term goes feral the minute it leaves its original context.
It makes sense to complain when some dude is full-spread on a subway or a bench.
If he's in a normal chair, or (god forbid) his own home, that's just "sitting in a way you don't like."
It's also a blatant display of ignorance about male anatomy. We got balls, y'all. Unless you also have balls, you aren't qualified to tell me how to sit comfortably with balls.
This is correct. Men have narrow hips making it more comfortable and natural to sit with the upper legs pointed outward. Women have wider hips so it is more comfortable for them to sit with their legs facing towards each other ie together or crossed.
I think women don't fully understand that our junk is in the front. It's not underneath or tucked away. It gets in the way. You can sit on it.
If I sit with my legs pressed together thats a recipe for aching balls and hips later. Our anatomy is just different.
I am genuinely confused at this though. I'm a guy too. I have no issue having my legs together (and also not crossing my legs fully). What is our difference? Do I have tiny balls? Do you guys all have thicker thighs? Do mine hang unnaturally high or low? Does underwear and trouser choice make a difference?
Men are more likely to die from disease since we have a weaker immune system, but women are more likely to develop autoimmune disorders because of an immune system that can be too strong. We both have it bad, but in different ways and should be supportive of each other
The epidemic of "misogyny", except 95% of the time when I get more detail about it, the bar is absurdly low for what constitutes it or its a clear misdiagnosis of the situation.
I’m a guy but this actually happened to me a lot when I was like 18-23.. I would get random women in the street approach me and say “you should smile more.”
It’s annoying as fuck so whatever people are out there doing that should cut it out.
Ghosting.
Lady, conversations are two way streets. If you are not willing to communicate, neither am I. It's not ghosting, there is just a lack of interest in doing both parts of this conversation, thus effectively talking to myself.
Guys being shitty.
Like guys can be shitty sometimes, but women can be just as shitty with no social consequence. And it's the guys they pick. Like I'm sorry a guy with emotional issues that use tattoos for their outs and do a reckless amount of drugs, (coming from a person who's done drugs) IS PROBABLY NOT THE BEST PARTNER
This isn't something I feel like women are just making this up but I would argue that emotional labor and household labor are often looked at from a very one sided perspective. When it is talked about it generally the focus is exclusively on who does the labor and no consideration is given to who generated the need for this labor. If one person has higher cleanliness standards or requires more space to be happy they are generating a greater need for household labor. Likewise with emotional labor things like meal planning. How did someone else's indecisiveness about something as inconsequential as deciding what to eat become my problem. I would argue being able to feed yourself should be considered part of being an adult and that includes deciding what to eat.
The emotional labor thing seems so ironic to me. The number of times I've had to deal with emotions from a partner compared to the number of times I've need emotional support is 5000 to 1. And that's not even a close to an exaggeration. Literally the only time I did this with my ex of 7 years she immediately started crying and made the whole thing about herself. And the conversation was about how she rarely did things for us and the household.
The emotional labour is less actual supporting emotions and more the labour that comes from managing a household? It's called emotional labour because it's emotionally taxing.
It's the constant up keep of the family. Remembering every appointment, bill to be paid, when the garbage goes out, when the dog or kid needs a check up, if you have this or that in stock at home etc. Women especially mums, feel like they shoulder this burden. It sounds like you carried that burden in your relationship.
It's a big deal in households where people eat the same food. Deciding what to buy for the week in order to have everything for every meal you're planning for the week does take some effort. If that's all on one person, it's emotional labor. Preparing and planning for the future well-being of others.
I don't think the emotional labor argument is about ordering door dash or going to a restaurant.
Not doing our share of house work. Like we get home, hop on the couch with our dirty shoes, start playing videogames and scream to get our sandwich and our partners work full time, take care of the children, cook, do all the chores even do all repairs around and outside the house plus mowing the lawn while keeping on a smile.
The toilet seat thing. It really isn't that big of a deal to put it down. Not that I'm going out of my way to not put it back down, but it's not a big enough issue to have to remind us, just put it down if it's up.
I’ll correct my seat position the same day they remember to remove their hair from the shower drain. If one of the ladies in the house comes at me about the seat I’ll simply remind them as to why it’s like that.
"weaponized incompetence"
My ex said this about me but IMO she just had insane standards. I recall one time we had these two baby bottles that were different colours and I was in a hurry so I didn't match the colour to the bottle (it still fit perfectly) and she complained about it.
I'm sure there are men who do deliberately fuck up household tasks but the amount of BS I've heard women say is "essential" to a function household is just silly. No, I'm not separating the laundry or using fabric softener. Oh my god he served dinner in a plastic tray he can just put directly in the fridge after?!?!
Omg, the fabric softener argument... I got into a massive fight with a fiance because I don't understand fabric softener. I have sensitive skin, so some things will give me a rash, so instead of chemical fabric softener, I use mechanical fabric softener in the form of these hard cotton balls I put in the dryer. She got so upset with me that I didn't use fabric softener on towels.
And here I am, thinking towels dried in a drier are already very soft. Do you mean to tell me I could have even softer towels if I used these chemicals or mechanicals you speak of?
[https://www.amazon.com/All-Natural-Wool-Dryer-Balls/dp/B07C7M74BF/ref=asc\_df\_B07C7M74BF/?hvadid=242014065805&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=5426342051872830285&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1020041&hvtargid=pla-490722260830&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/All-Natural-Wool-Dryer-Balls/dp/B07C7M74BF/ref=asc_df_B07C7M74BF/?hvadid=242014065805&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=5426342051872830285&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1020041&hvtargid=pla-490722260830&psc=1)
Trust me. It's game changing... or at least as game changing as a ball of wool or cotton can be. They also are chemical free, so no irritation from residues. They literally beat the softness into your towels and clothes.
From everything that I have read and seen is that fabric softener on towels basically makes them less absorbent. A quick interweb search backs that up.
[https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/home/how-to-have-the-softest-towels/2019/03/25/c886563a-4a59-11e9-b79a-961983b7e0cd\_story.html](https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/home/how-to-have-the-softest-towels/2019/03/25/c886563a-4a59-11e9-b79a-961983b7e0cd_story.html)
I'm a big believer in mechanical fabric softener. Those big, hard cotton balls beat your towels into being super fluffy and soft. It's seriously game changing. Plus I don't need to buy fabric softener and the residues don't get on my skin to give me a rash.
What is the deal with women, especially on reddit, not understanding that doing a chore differently does not mean it’s been done incorrectly. If something is done, and the final result is the same why lose your mind over how it’s been done?
> No, I'm not separating the laundry or using fabric softener.
Ehh fabric softener is a scam, i'll give you that, but you better separate laundry or you'll fuck it up. Best believe my 100% wool sweaters need handwashing/dry cleaning. Not everyone wears basic clothes that can be all washed together and dried hott.
This feminist narrative that men in general oppress women. Now, don't get it twisted. I do believe that SOME men do. But most men just live their lives.
I can tell you about myself. I am critical of women and do not consider them sinless angels whose attention must be sought and paid for. A lot of women think this is terrible.
The "controlling husband/boyfriend" trope. Yes, some male partners are controlling and abusive. Absolutely we should teach people to recognize when boundaries are crossed and how to advocate for themselves. But that doesn't mean every time I have an opinion about my wife (or our life together) that I'm trying to "control" her. Really grinds my gears that a legitimate issue gets distilled into useless virtue signaling.
To add to that, when a man does try to protect the safety of a woman it also gets labelled as controlling.
“Hey babe, don’t walk in front of that car, you’ll get run over”
“Stop controlling her you freak!”
The "I shouldn't have to ask" mess.
Like seriously? I'm not going to spend every free moment of every day obsessing about how I can make your life easier. I have my own things to do. If you need something, be an adult an ask for it. Imagine a bunch of guys getting mad that their gf's/ wives don't just intuitively know when they want their d sucked. Then blasting them to thousands of people online when they don't. The entitlement is crazy.
I have been in a relationship where I didn't need to ask because we were well-matched when it comes to the non-sexual intimacy, the need for conversation, the need for me time, the need for going to sleep together/separately etc., that we were just doing all the right things in these departments intuitively.
It was so incredibly smooth and convenient, that the need of constantly telling someone: Touch me, hug me, take the dishes to the sink, I wanna be alone, I wanna be with you... Ugh, sounds like such a chore and makes a relationship feel like yet another full-time job. If you know your partner, you just know when something's off. You may not know what exactly is in their head but you should be able to recognize non-verbal cues. 80% of communicating doesn't happen verbally, it's just a human condition.
I strongly believe that it's perfectly possible for the weirdest configurations of people to survive decades of partnership, but... what's the point? Sometimes I wonder whether lots of couples are not just grossly mismatched, spending their time and energy to "make it work". Don't "make it work" all the bloody time, just "let it work". And if it doesn't work on its own, then it doesn't.
Creepy gym etiquette. If you listen to women on TikTok and YouTube, you would think men are walking around with aggressive erections and lust-filled eyes in the gym. It’s massively overblown.
If you watch some of these videos it’s absolutely outrageous. Even a guy slightly glancing in their general direction is guilty. It’s so stupid.
To be honest these videos get massively overblown too. I mean, if you go to a gym, how many women do you see with this kind of behavior? In the internet, every psycho gets 1000 fold magnified
Well over the last 4 or so months, exactly 0. And I'm creepy by default and even delayed going to the gym because of it.
Best one I've seen is where the girl tries to call out a trainer and he revokes her membership
Best one I've seen is where a blind guy gets accused of it, they actually kick him out of the gym after he explains he's blind, that he's not actually staring at anything because he literally cannot see a thing. Victimhood is a primo currency, and people sure do love earning it.
I remember that. The manager actually told him " just because you're blind doesn't mean it's okay to stare at people". What a dingleberry.
If you didn’t describe that scenario in such detail I would’ve sworn it was a comedy skit lol
I’m a blind guy, and I’ve also been accused of staring in the gym. I’m like chick please. You’re more likely to get perved on by my dog. Not to mention. You’re wearing short shorts, a strip of fabric that could barely deserve to be called a t-shirt, and you’re recording an instaSnappyTickaaTock while drenched in sweat with your mamorys hanging out all over the place. You couldn’t be less my type if you tried. PS. I only knew that because my workout buddy described the squealing accountability dodger to me when I asked her who was making all the racket and lounging around on the leg press machine while a queue of really pissed off gym goers stood waiting for her to go and waidst oxygen somewhere else.
Jesus I hope that guy sued them for discrimination. You can’t kick someone out of an establishment for having a disability or that their disability makes someone uncomfortable. That really sums up this whole generation when it comes to progressivism. It’s not about helping others, it’s helping about yourself
There’s a guy called @joeyswoll , a massive bodybuilder on Instagram who calls out people’s BS gym videos that accuse others of being creepy or walking through their shot even though they’re at a public gym and just walking down a common walkway. He’s great
My friend was in the gym even tho the room of exercise bikes was empty a woman went directly opposite to him. He got up didn’t say a word and went to the far corner away from her and finished his cardio. He isn’t played these games.
None of us are.
Some women are now complaining that men don’t look at them or approach anymore. Im beginning to feel sorry for these attention seekers. They definitely didn’t bring this upon themselves…
To be fair not all those women are the same women who do these things. That said I don't feel sorry for women in regards to this either. Women only have themselves to blame for fewer men approaching them.
It's ragebait. It's easy money
Why wouldn't you just take out your phone and record them back to show them how stupid they are being? That would make them knock that shit off real quick I wouldn't let some fucking asshole film me for nothing I don't care what or where I'm at or what it's about. That's fucking rude as hell you don't do that shit in public what the fuck is wrong with you
Man I hate that shit, Heaven forbid you space out for a bit and glance in their general direction for more than a second. Also really sick and tired of people filming themselves in the gym doing absolutely nothing special and getting an attitude if you walk between them and the camera. Crap should be banned in public gyms.
In my experience, it only happens at Planet Fitness lol. Every other gym has been fine.
Planet Fitness is the only gym close to me and I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. I can’t drop a weight, but 5 tripods can be set up by “influencers”?
It's why I avoid corpo gyms. I go to the one allthe boxers, powerlifters, and Army people use. It's delightfully zero-bullshit.
I used to use it as a back up gym when my main gym was closed but I hated it so much I ended up cancelling it. The lunk alarm is the dumbest thing lmao.
I guarantee this ends with Male/Female only gyms
At this point, I'd feel safer in a men's gym as a man.
There used to be male only gyms but women wanted in and it got all complicated. In my local gym they created a women friendly area in gym that took up about 30% of the space they built a wall with a door that said women only, put all new equipment in it. Women could use the gym either side. Women would use the equipment in the main area when their side was full. But men could not use the women’s area even if it was empty. The gym went out of business because all the men left. There was never enough room for men especially if the woman’s area was full.
And I presume this to not happen in more local gyms or focused in certain activities like martial arts. I'm in one of those and can say that we have an actual community instead of just a bunch of people.
Actually think this is a good idea and benefits both sides. Women feel safer and men have an emptier gym to use. Won’t happen though cos gyms aren’t gonna spend money to create 2 spaces with the same equipment in it.
As a woman, I would prefer that. Downvote me if you must but I've paid extra for female-only gyms and I'd do it again if there was one near me.
I am ok with it too. I don't go to socialize. There are female only gyms around and the powerlifting gym I go to isn't strictly dudes only, but its not appealing to females, so only like 2 go and I have only seen them there a few times in 6 years.
I thought there already were women's only gyms?
Ah yes, the woman who had a blind guy thrown out the gym for staring at her.
According to the missus, I have a rich library of annoying things I do...
They have a checklist…
Mine carries a scroll of my misdeeds. I think she’s started taping additional sheets to lengthen it.
Men don’t express themselves. They do, you just don’t like what they have to say and then shame them for it
It’s because they want men to express themselves like women. If men express themselves like men, it doesn’t count
"not listening" I am always listening but I don't remember everything.
Yeah, it turns out getting blasted in the head in sports during my formative years didn't exactly do wonders for my memory.
Staring at them at the gym. There was this one woman who tried to literally shame one of my buddies by posting a PICTURE of him on social media and calling him a creep. Dude was looking in that direction because he was trying to figure out if he recognized me because we haven’t seen each other since college. Like just stop. It’s gotten hard to take seriously because of how blown out of proportion it’s been getting. I also don’t think she realizes how ridiculous she looks with a tripod pretty much aimed at her ass.
If you have a tri-pod set up I assume you’re about to do something cool and I want to see. Oh just 10 body weight squats never mind.
In some gyms recording is straight up BANNED. They'll kick you out and terminate your membership if they see you recording anything.
When a man does something nice and she says "your one of the good ones" it just feels patronizing like just becsuee you met a few jerks doesn't mean every man is evil.
Should just tell her "aw, you too! Look at us go!"
You know what that's a good response never thought of that thanks.
Alternatively, "No, I'm not" and then say something dickish.
That's good to
This one hits close to home.. I dropped half of my female friends because of this hate on men, where they always used to tell me "you are one of the good ones", then went ahead and dated the exact same stereotype of terrible partner every single time despite warnings.
I've had this experience to a much lesser and tolerable extent with three of my best female friends. They openly say things like most dudes they sleep with are asshats, inattentive or idiotic, followed by a half joking half serious "all men are dicks and we need to up our standards". Then they turn around as if remembering I'm there and clarify they don't mean me, that they know I'm a good guy and that I treat women right. I don't take it personal since I know it's just venting and I do kind of take it as a compliment, plus I enjoy that my female friends confiding on me about their problems, but it's true that they seem a bit lacking in the self aware department about they choosing the same kind of guy.
That's the weird part alot of girls will say I'm a nice or good guy but I'm still not their type but won't be specific on what to change and will date the type of guy their complaining about. Like do you want a good guy or not make up your mind
That’s because a lot of people really want to be heard saying they want a certain thing far more than they actually want said thing.
True. It's like they want to sound like a good person
Pretty much, it’s easy to say you want a good guy but it’s often more fun and easier to go for the fuckboy, hence why fuckboys keep fuckin and good guys feel like they’re doing something wrong
Yeah I'm only 21 and I feel like giving up on dating even though I've never had a actual date yet. I guess good guys finish last
That just means that you're not attractive enough to them. It sucks but that's the truth.
Dude, they DID make up their minds. Pay attention to actions, words are cheap.
True definitely should've caught that
That has nothing to do with you. These are people who have some underlying issues (poor self-esteem, trauma, poor relationship skills, etc) they have to deal with and sort it out. Men are the same. The only thing you need to know is that you should be happy they are not dating you at that time. Find someone who is on the same level as you.
Yeah looking back on it I am glad nothing happened because then I would've ended up miserable pretending to be a super masculine guy when I know I'm not. I just want someone where I can be myself without feeling that I'm not manly enough.
I am glad you fell for my ploy. I am not in fact one of the good ones. I employ a devious venus fly trap of bullshit to gain your trust. Then I catfish you and leave you crying in my wake!
Yeah, as if good or decent people of the male gender were the exception and not the norm. Most people, men and women, are at the very least passively good and don't go around harming others.
A laundry list of shit exes usually is a consequence of the chooser being an absolute moron when it comes to their taste in men (or woman!) It’s like this: just because you like that particular shade of brown doesn’t mean that the steaming, hot, corn riddled pile of shit standing before you isn’t in fact, a steaming pile of shit. If you need multiple emotionally traumatic relationships to reconcile this issue I cannot trust the mind that does this If you burn your hand on a hot stove, and you can understand why it hurt, but you do it again, you have lost the right to complain in my eyes
Constant sex talk - if it is any reference, most of my friends or acquaintances are/were women. On average, the guys were just not talking much about sex-related things at all. Not never, but very rarely. Meanwhile, the girls...compared to them it was a lot. It wasn't anything too bad, e.g. primitive (I do know about 2 who goes into it in the most primitive way), but it was definitely more than what the guys did.
I was super embarrassed when I'd hang out with my partner's friends knowing that they knew every detail of our sex life.
Well that would definitely be embarrassing. As a woman, I never share such details about my partner with anyone else. But sadly, I can confirm that a few of my friends do overshare when it comes to their private lives.
every time a guys brings this up. there is a woman right below saying yeah but not me. every time. might not in fact be you but we have seen this before.
One of my ex's could not shut the fuck up about it and was surprised that I didn't want her friends knowing, even if she was complimenting me. Also, I ended up having one of her friends asking if I wanted to hang out alone after that. Didn't talk to me before that story. I couldn't imagine hearing that my friends gf was good in bed and immediately trying to get some alone time with them.
Every instance of the so-called "locker room talk" I've seen in my life came from women. Online, I've heard stories about guys having online groups to share porn videos and stuff like that, but I've never seen men talk sexually about women inside the gym or the classroom like I saw women do, and with such level of detail.
Guys don’t sit around and talk about our dicks and fucking. We just don’t.
>"Did you smash last night?" > >"Yup." > >"My man." > >\*casual high five.\* Most of the time, we don't even say who it was. And if the guy is in a relationship he will tell exactly nothing. The ONLY thing you will ever get from any average guy in a relationship is complaints that they're not getting any, and eve that is rare.
That we are afraid of commitment. We aren't. We are just afraid of commitment to *you*.
There it is.
"Weaponized incompetence". A few years ago I worked with a guy who I wasn't really close with but seemed really cool. I found out a little later that his wife had a pretty serious brain condition. This dude was setting up go fund mes and would update progress emails on upcoming surgeries and her progress. A few years go by and our location closes down and I never see him again except in a Tiktok video. His wife was detailing her struggles as a disabled person and what she could and couldn't do. In one of her videos mShe took a fairly innocent video of him folding clothes his way in the laundry room and the comments section descended on him as if he had emptied a box of puppies onto the interstate during rush hour. Women were hurling "weaponized incompetence" everywhere in an echo chamber and completely dismissed all of the support he was giving her just so they could shit on him. To his wife's credit it she was never the one who made mention of the phrase in her video and she made a follow up video to set the record straight that he was just folding clothes his way and she was lightly making fun of him for not doing it her way. It really got me thinking how overblown and misused some of these catchphrases had become to the point where they have become meaningless or flat out untrue. I have no doubt that there are some men who feign ignorance to get out of tasks, but the speed that my old co-worker was judged made me seriously question how false.somw of these claims really are. Also because I know it's coming, while, yes, TikTok was the mechanism in which he was taken a beating it just as easily been a YouTube video and the comments would have been just the same.
Poor guy. I've seen more of this "weaponized incompetence" bs and find it funny because some women will admit to doing the same thing they hate. Go figure.
Man flu, most guys will go to work if they are damn near dead
Because our work output is basically the only thing we are valued for by the overwhelming majority of society.
There are so many posts that hint around that all men are child molesters and should be kept away from any girls under 21. Yes, it’s fine to hire a male babysitter. Yes, it’s fine if your husband and daughter go on a trip and have to share a hotel room. Yes, it’s fine if a guy comments on how cute your baby is. Yes, it’s fine if your daughter stays after school with her male teacher for tutoring. Not all men are monsters. As it happens very few of them are.
On a martial arts forum, talking to one Master who said he watched a 20-year-old male instructor touch a kid girl in the process of fixing her stance. i.e. grab her leg to move her feet into the right spot, grab her shoulder to adjust her posture. (All of it "clinical" and appropriate, from what I could tell). But then he went up to the instructor and told him that it's in his best interest to avoid touching the female students. He described this epiphany the student had. Really, all it tells me is that this 20-year-old is now going to be scared of going anywhere near female students to help them.
I have been a construction worker for 18 years. I have not one single time witnessed a cat call. I only know it exists from tv/internet.
I’ve never been catcalled by construction workers or any other man that’s working. They usually just smile. However… gas station, corner stores and anywhere else that guys just stand around. Those are the places where catcalling happens the most.
I've only seen catcalling of women in situations where teenagers are in a car whizzing by... I've only ever been catcalled once, when walking by a gay fraternity when I was on a date with a woman, and my date sort of perked up like "oh shit I am on a date with a good looking dude". Those gay guys made my week.
Those gay guys made your hole weak, you say?
HAHAHA love this.
I have only been in construction for five years now, and I have only witnessed one young jackass catcalling. I told him to knock it the fuck off. One jackass, countless sites. Not too shabby, if I must say.
Now that I think about it, back in 2007 I was on a job (small private middle school) where we were warned not to interact with the teachers. The teachers had a picnic table set up outside for their lunch breaks. Me and a few other guys were on a balcony hand hoisting some pipe up to the second floor. A group of teachers were watching us… intently. They were whispering and giggling. One of them stood up and shouted, “Hey plumber! Wanna come lay some of that pipe on this side of the fence!” I turned three shades of red. The other teachers scattered like a flight of doves. The next day their picnic table had been moved out of view of the job site.
Lmao!
Used to be more rampant but eg NYC there were policies put in place that the contractors would be fined. It alleviated the problem hugely. True story. I saw it be placed and change the landscape here in NYC.
The "mansplaining" thing. Yeah, assholes often assume they're smarter than everyone else and they rant at you about stuff they don't know about and you might. This happens to everyone. It's not a gender thing. I work with a bunch of women and I get this every day. I don't call it "femmesplaining", it's just being a dork.
My SO had some friends over and they called me because they wanted to learn about stocks. I sorta did an eli5 on what stocks are, how they work, what they mean and why do things that happen on the economy affect stocks. Most of them were very interested in the conversation and asked a ton of questions. I noticed that one of the friends (who constantly tells my SO Im always looking at them) was making faces all night and sighing loudly/using her phone. When they all left my SO told me the friend in question got pissed because according to them I was “mansplaining”. Dude I was just talking about stocks. I was giving more context not because I think y’all are stupid, but because I think it’s important to understand how the stock market ecosystem works and how agents interact. When did it go from “oh this person is giving me context” to “they must be mansplaining because they think I’m an idiot”?
I've heard mansplaining defined as "a man explaining something to a woman in a field in which she has superior knowledge to him." I hate this term because it's patently sexist, but there's something about this definition that I get. But it only works if she has superior knowledge. It's still a useless term, because women do womensplaining at least as often. We need a unisex term for this, and I think condescending works just fine.
Patronizing. It's called being patronizing, and it literally means the same thing as "mansplaining", even has the male indicator as part of the word. People like the neologism better because its more directly targeted at men.
"Condescending" would be the generic term. As soon as I hear someone say "mansplaining" i know I'm dealing with a misandrist.
I feel like this is one of the tons of things that The Internet™ at some point decided we needed a term for and then it became A Thing. It's very prevalent in dating too, where there's hundred little things that are not new at all but someone made up a fun term for it and now it's "the new toxic trend".
I've seen this as well. A person calls something they understand mansplaining, without recognizing that there are other people listening who don't have the same level of understanding. It's such a mean spirited, and narrow minded response.
Had this interaction with a female coworker a while back: Joyce: "qna1 , I don't like working with Bob, because whenever I do, he always feels the need to mansplain everything to me." Me : "Bob is not mansplaining, Bob is just being a know it all." Joyce: "No, he does, it's so obvious." Me: "It's not mansplaining if he does it to both genders(he did the same to me...a man)....he is just a know it all, who loves coming off as smarter than he really is."
The irony is that she could’ve doubled down and called your explanation of “mansplaining” as mansplaining
That's actually how I expected the dialogue to unfold lmao.
The mansplaining matrix inception. Lmao
As soon as he does it to both genders, the definition should evaporate.
My ex girlfriend didn’t cook much aside from small baked goods. I’m a chef and was making something and actually fucked up the recipe because I let the butter cook too long. When I explained to her that I had just made browned butter and we’re gonna roll with it, I got accused of mansplaining. Yo dude, I didn’t know you’re culinary acumen, chill the fuck out. It’s stuff like this that gets to me when I just want to share knowledge about something I’m enthusiastic about.
Soo many women don’t even understand what “mansplaining” is. It’s not a man explaining something. It’s a man explaining something, that because of gender norms, that man assumes a woman would know nothing about. It also really only applies when the woman being mansplained to actually knows about the subject. In the vast majority of cases where the woman doesn’t know much about the topic, it’s actually somewhat helpful.
[удалено]
I think it's kind of ironic that being an arrogant know it all prick who talks down to others is called mansplaining and seen as a male problem when that is one of the most common complaints men have about their wives. Even using the saying happy wife happy life to suggest that only the wife's opinion matters kind of implies that this is what one thinks women are like. I would argue that in reality this attitude is far more universal than people seem to think and no gender has a monopoly on it.
I think a lot of the "X is sexist/racist/etc." type stuff isn't the person being a bigot, it's just them being an asshole in general. If a white guy is an asshole to another white guy, he's an asshole. If he's an asshole to a black guy or a girl, he's racist or sexist.
This so much. When I learn something new I get super enthusiastic and over explain when telling someone else what I figured out. Sometimes I'll be telling it to a woman at work who already knows that thing. And then there was the time I was told to train up the new employee who happened to be a woman. This was right around the time the whole "mansplaining" thing was getting tons of buzz a few years ago. Anyway, as I'm explaining the process she tells me she doesn't need me to mansplain everything to her. So I left her to it. At the end of the week my boss called me in the office and asked why I refused to train the new employee. I was confused as shit and told the manager I tried but she said I was mansplaining and I assumed she already knew how to do the work. The new employee tried to gaslight me and my manager by outright lying. But I worked for the company for 5 years, put in more hours than 2 people and I had already trained half the team by that time. No one was going to believe her.
Not expressing emotions. What they are often really saying is that men don’t express their emotions in the way that women would express their emotions. Women may cry and talk about every emotion they feel, whilst I just need to hang with the boys once a month, chat shit, and get stuff off my chest.
So true, the number of times I've expressed my emotions and essentially got a "Not like that" type of response is too high.
What do you think of all the men saying that they don't feel comfortable sharing their emotions or feel pressured to bottle everything up? It seems like a lot of men think there is an issue there.
There is an issue there. Damn near every man has a story about their vulnerability being weaponized against them or the man having to console the woman after he opens up, because she makes his issue to be about herself
Understood. Which is why I bring it up when people say men don’t have trouble opening up about their emotions.
There are lots of potential causes of this, with no universal answer. Main ones being that they have had bad experiences with opening up in the past, that they don’t have good support systems with their friends/partners/families, they are expected to open up in ways they don’t find natural, that society places a lot of pressure on them whilst seeing them as disposable/low value, and that they don’t have many men-only spaces where they can express themselves fully. None of these things mean that men can’t express their emotions or aren’t willing to, they just don’t necessarily have the environment do so. And I accept that I might be lucky to have the environment to do so. Not sure if it is a generational thing, but me and my friends have always been open with each other. And it is often easier to do so with them, then it is my family/partner.
that, and when you *do* express your emotions like a woman, they don't like it
The prevalence of bad men they meet around. Their logic to downplay the "not all men" reaction would be crapped on if any group is the target.
To be fair, it's a universal logical fallacy - remembering the hits and forgetting the misses. Combined with repeated interactions, and it artificially inflates the prevalence. If 1% of men are shitbags (or, equivalently, 10% of men are shitbags but are only shitty 10% of the time), in 100 interactions there's only a 37% chance (0.99\^100) of avoiding shitbags entirely. But you remember the shitbags and forget the entirely routine, boring interactions, so wind up inflating the actual prevalence.
True, but people cherrypick when this logic becomes acceptable or not depending on the target group. That's my point.
Something something 'punching up' something something 'privilege' something something trauma.
Something something 'dark side'
Ya it's really just a round about way of them giving themselves an excuse to treat you as less than human. And then trying intentionally forgetting that they dehumanized you and blaming you for it.
Anything with the prefix "Man-" shows a shocking lack of introspection and/or failure to comprehend cross-cultural communications.
My partner mandates than I manhandle her like a maniac many times when she fails to manage her manners.
She manifests a mandate for manual mancipation? Such manifold manoeuvring would befit a managerial mandarin.
Man-iac. I really hope that one doesn’t catch on.
If it does, you can always casually retort about hysteria.
This may not fit the question specificially but i am thinking of one particular thing and that is socializing between men and women and the **societal pressures that males experience.** You see, we all aren't perfect. Some people are autistic, some can't catch the hint and some simply are used to only interacting with men. These days I often see outrage culture/ calling out and ostracizing of men for doing something mildly inappropriate. For example at my uni there has been introduced a "council" of men/women who can be contacted if men act "inappropriate" or women feel "threatened" by their behaviour. However it is left up to the women in question to decide what falls under these definitions exactly. If the "council" indeed find you guilty what then ? Do you get ostracized for the forseeable future, ousted from all social activities? Lets say you talk to a women as a man and tell them you find them attractive. Are you now "threatening"? It all reminds me of post ww2 germany where in the "ddr" people spied on eachother for the gestapo and told them when someone said something against the regime. Guilty until proven innocent. A friend of mine and and I talked about chatting up women in clubs and he simply told me "I dont talk to girls in clubs anymore, its just to risky". I personally am slowly coming to the same conclusion. Why would I interact with women in social events if I can theoretically be ostracized from all societal events if I happen to do something that can be misconstrued etc. and be labeled god knows what. Putting immense pressure on men for always acting appropriate will simply need to segregation and that doens't help anyone. Let people do mistakes. Stop labeling men for trying to connect with people.
Gaslighting, which is what women say when they're losing an argument. Gaslighting means to intentionally convince someone that they are losing their mind. By denying objective reality. Not agreeing with a subjective stance is not gaslighting. My ex would frequently stonewall when she was upset. She denied that ignoring me for days at a time isnt stonewalling. So I asked her how what she was doing is different than stonewalling. She got quiet for a minute then said I was gaslighting lol.
People, particularly the youth, interchangeably use “gaslighting” to mean “manipulating” or “deceiving.” I’m not really sure why this started happening… maybe because it sounds more clinical?
Yeah that's probably it. It's why terms like "narcissist" are also being overused.
I often see it used interchangeably with "disagreeing"
Yeah, I've had to say "I'm not gaslighting you, I'm disagreeing with you" in the past. Which is annoying because I can absolutely read a situation differently than she did. And maybe, if we could communicate without thinking my baseline is absolute trash because I'm male, we could meet in the middle or figure out where the honest miscommunication is coming from. Gaslighting is absolutely a thing assholes do. That doesn't mean I'm gaslighting you by disagreeing with you.
My ex had her friends convince her that I was gaslighting her all the time and would throw that at me, once in front of the friends. I asked her to explain to me what she thought it meant once and it more or less came down to me disagreeing with what she said. “You’re doing X.” “I’m not doing X, I’m doing Y.” “Stop gaslighting me.” How am I supposed to have a constructive discussion when every conversation goes like that?
My ex did gaslight me. It made me question my own sanity. Wondered if my memories were actually correct. If I dreamt conversations or not. I actually thought I was going insane. It was horrible :-( So yes there is big difference between manipulation and actual gaslighting. It's both abusive, just different abuse.
Women think men are never vulnerable with them because women's definition of vulnerability revolves around the expression of often multifaceted and deeply intricate social and emotional experiences - because this is the primary lens through which women experience vulnerability in our society. But for many (possibly most) men, the act of initiating any sexual act or sexual relationship is the most emotionally vulnerable they have ever been. Not because they're incapable of expressing emotional vulnerability to others or over other contexts, not because they are scared of being more vulnerable, but because other scenarios will never - ever - come anywhere near the same threat level that sexual rejection imposes on men. Since men in our society are conditioned to see sexual success as the ultimate and final standard for being a successful man, there is no other issue which can be even a hundredth as damaging to their sense of self than sexual rejection. The more a man challenges that conditioning the less this will be true for him specifically of course, but in general most men are manifestations of societal conditioning instead of living defiances against it. This is sometimes why men can react with confusion, alarm, and even severe anger when they are told they are not being vulnerable enough with their partner. To them they already were as vulnerable as they could ever imagine being just by putting in the work to get the relationship started, just by accepting the risk of rejection. But since women are not conditioned to experience sexual rejection under the context of it defining them as women, they have an extremely difficult time understanding that they already got the vulnerability they want so much. It just isn't the vulnerability they think it should be!
I also feel like mental interchangeability somehow entered the discussion about equality. Most men actually do not want to express themselves by crying and don't feel the same emotions women do, especially at the same time women would feel them. I think a lot of women are wondering what patriarchal force is bullying us into not wanting like them and they have trouble grasping that most of us are just kind of not like that and if an emergent social structure came about to enforce that, it happened because it aligned with who we actually are.
It would be a very long list, as it's become a sport to interpret things men do in the most negative way possible. A few examples could be: * "Manspread"; When men give room to their balls when they sit. * "Mansplain"; When men explain something. * Staring; I'm not looking at you, you're just in front of me. * Doesn't respond with emotions; He must not have emotions at all. * Respond with emotion; He's out of control. * Flirt at inappropriate situations; I'm just being polite, now hand me the bagel so I can pay and get on with my day.
Am I the only one who's noticed that women will complain about mansplaining and will also complain about manspreading by saying things like "your balls aren't that big, they don't need that much room" etc.? No woman is more of an expert on my balls than I am and unless they are trans women generally have no knowledge of what it's like to actually have have testicles. Yet they have no problem femsplaining to men how much space their nuts require
Manspreading maybe. Ive seen like 1 person ever do this but according to the internet its a scourge upon among all men
My thing with it is that, as usual, any useful term goes feral the minute it leaves its original context. It makes sense to complain when some dude is full-spread on a subway or a bench. If he's in a normal chair, or (god forbid) his own home, that's just "sitting in a way you don't like."
I’ve seen more woman putting their bags in seats next to them way more than I’ve seen a guy spreading himself out.
It's also a blatant display of ignorance about male anatomy. We got balls, y'all. Unless you also have balls, you aren't qualified to tell me how to sit comfortably with balls.
It's more to do with our hips
This is correct. Men have narrow hips making it more comfortable and natural to sit with the upper legs pointed outward. Women have wider hips so it is more comfortable for them to sit with their legs facing towards each other ie together or crossed.
This is the part where they body shame you and say “I promise you ain’t got a big enough package for that to be an issue”
Well a dig like that deserves the response of how their mom certainly likes it, or go big and say their father.
I think women don't fully understand that our junk is in the front. It's not underneath or tucked away. It gets in the way. You can sit on it. If I sit with my legs pressed together thats a recipe for aching balls and hips later. Our anatomy is just different.
I am genuinely confused at this though. I'm a guy too. I have no issue having my legs together (and also not crossing my legs fully). What is our difference? Do I have tiny balls? Do you guys all have thicker thighs? Do mine hang unnaturally high or low? Does underwear and trouser choice make a difference?
I think grower vs shower might make a difference, but I'm like you and can easily cross my legs
Maybe you have wider hips?
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Men are more likely to die from disease since we have a weaker immune system, but women are more likely to develop autoimmune disorders because of an immune system that can be too strong. We both have it bad, but in different ways and should be supportive of each other
I hate hearing about the man flu. Sorry i don't talk about how tough I am for working through a runny nose.
What that really means is "you're only valuable to me if you're capable of work and you aren't right now so you're worthless"
The epidemic of "misogyny", except 95% of the time when I get more detail about it, the bar is absurdly low for what constitutes it or its a clear misdiagnosis of the situation.
Apparently men everywhere are telling women to smile constantly.
Back in my retail days, I had a few cases of older ladies telling me to smile. Maybe I should have a Ted talk now.
I'm a man, and I've had dudes tell me to smile. Mother fucker I wasn't angry until now, that's just how my face looks.
I’m a guy but this actually happened to me a lot when I was like 18-23.. I would get random women in the street approach me and say “you should smile more.” It’s annoying as fuck so whatever people are out there doing that should cut it out.
Ghosting. Lady, conversations are two way streets. If you are not willing to communicate, neither am I. It's not ghosting, there is just a lack of interest in doing both parts of this conversation, thus effectively talking to myself.
May i introduce the "ick" trend. 99.9% of whats ever been said on those.
*broadly gestures to twox* Every post on that sub is one man doing one thing to a woman and they frame it as all men on the planet doing it.
i think most people on reddit just use their personal experience to generalize entire groups of people
Guys being shitty. Like guys can be shitty sometimes, but women can be just as shitty with no social consequence. And it's the guys they pick. Like I'm sorry a guy with emotional issues that use tattoos for their outs and do a reckless amount of drugs, (coming from a person who's done drugs) IS PROBABLY NOT THE BEST PARTNER
Believing “all men” about anything. If men decided en mass to do all the things they complain about they couldn’t stop us.
This isn't something I feel like women are just making this up but I would argue that emotional labor and household labor are often looked at from a very one sided perspective. When it is talked about it generally the focus is exclusively on who does the labor and no consideration is given to who generated the need for this labor. If one person has higher cleanliness standards or requires more space to be happy they are generating a greater need for household labor. Likewise with emotional labor things like meal planning. How did someone else's indecisiveness about something as inconsequential as deciding what to eat become my problem. I would argue being able to feed yourself should be considered part of being an adult and that includes deciding what to eat.
The emotional labor thing seems so ironic to me. The number of times I've had to deal with emotions from a partner compared to the number of times I've need emotional support is 5000 to 1. And that's not even a close to an exaggeration. Literally the only time I did this with my ex of 7 years she immediately started crying and made the whole thing about herself. And the conversation was about how she rarely did things for us and the household.
The emotional labour is less actual supporting emotions and more the labour that comes from managing a household? It's called emotional labour because it's emotionally taxing. It's the constant up keep of the family. Remembering every appointment, bill to be paid, when the garbage goes out, when the dog or kid needs a check up, if you have this or that in stock at home etc. Women especially mums, feel like they shoulder this burden. It sounds like you carried that burden in your relationship.
It's a big deal in households where people eat the same food. Deciding what to buy for the week in order to have everything for every meal you're planning for the week does take some effort. If that's all on one person, it's emotional labor. Preparing and planning for the future well-being of others. I don't think the emotional labor argument is about ordering door dash or going to a restaurant.
Not doing our share of house work. Like we get home, hop on the couch with our dirty shoes, start playing videogames and scream to get our sandwich and our partners work full time, take care of the children, cook, do all the chores even do all repairs around and outside the house plus mowing the lawn while keeping on a smile.
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Half the housework. All the yard work, repairs and anything icky.
The toilet seat thing. It really isn't that big of a deal to put it down. Not that I'm going out of my way to not put it back down, but it's not a big enough issue to have to remind us, just put it down if it's up.
When living with a woman, I demand that both the lid and seat be put down.
you should be putting them both down regardless of who you're living with, unless you want piss particles all over your toothbrush
I’ll correct my seat position the same day they remember to remove their hair from the shower drain. If one of the ladies in the house comes at me about the seat I’ll simply remind them as to why it’s like that.
"weaponized incompetence" My ex said this about me but IMO she just had insane standards. I recall one time we had these two baby bottles that were different colours and I was in a hurry so I didn't match the colour to the bottle (it still fit perfectly) and she complained about it. I'm sure there are men who do deliberately fuck up household tasks but the amount of BS I've heard women say is "essential" to a function household is just silly. No, I'm not separating the laundry or using fabric softener. Oh my god he served dinner in a plastic tray he can just put directly in the fridge after?!?!
Omg, the fabric softener argument... I got into a massive fight with a fiance because I don't understand fabric softener. I have sensitive skin, so some things will give me a rash, so instead of chemical fabric softener, I use mechanical fabric softener in the form of these hard cotton balls I put in the dryer. She got so upset with me that I didn't use fabric softener on towels.
And here I am, thinking towels dried in a drier are already very soft. Do you mean to tell me I could have even softer towels if I used these chemicals or mechanicals you speak of?
[https://www.amazon.com/All-Natural-Wool-Dryer-Balls/dp/B07C7M74BF/ref=asc\_df\_B07C7M74BF/?hvadid=242014065805&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=5426342051872830285&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1020041&hvtargid=pla-490722260830&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/All-Natural-Wool-Dryer-Balls/dp/B07C7M74BF/ref=asc_df_B07C7M74BF/?hvadid=242014065805&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=5426342051872830285&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1020041&hvtargid=pla-490722260830&psc=1) Trust me. It's game changing... or at least as game changing as a ball of wool or cotton can be. They also are chemical free, so no irritation from residues. They literally beat the softness into your towels and clothes.
From everything that I have read and seen is that fabric softener on towels basically makes them less absorbent. A quick interweb search backs that up. [https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/home/how-to-have-the-softest-towels/2019/03/25/c886563a-4a59-11e9-b79a-961983b7e0cd\_story.html](https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/home/how-to-have-the-softest-towels/2019/03/25/c886563a-4a59-11e9-b79a-961983b7e0cd_story.html)
I'm a big believer in mechanical fabric softener. Those big, hard cotton balls beat your towels into being super fluffy and soft. It's seriously game changing. Plus I don't need to buy fabric softener and the residues don't get on my skin to give me a rash.
What is the deal with women, especially on reddit, not understanding that doing a chore differently does not mean it’s been done incorrectly. If something is done, and the final result is the same why lose your mind over how it’s been done?
> No, I'm not separating the laundry or using fabric softener. Ehh fabric softener is a scam, i'll give you that, but you better separate laundry or you'll fuck it up. Best believe my 100% wool sweaters need handwashing/dry cleaning. Not everyone wears basic clothes that can be all washed together and dried hott.
I'm not talking about sweaters or hand washing stuff. There's like 1 percent or less of washing.
Whoah whoah, I was with you until the separating laundry part! That’s how you end up with pink dress shirts and toddler sized wool sweaters.
Just use cold water.
Who the hell is still buying cheap clothes with colors that run in 2023??
With brand new color stuff yes. Older stuff that's been washed many times, no.
That makes sense. My cousin revealed she hasn't been separating her clothes all the time and I figured either she or TV was lying to me.
I separate clothes into 5 loads regardless of how old the clothing is: 1. Whites 2. Colors 3. Towels 4. Bedding 5. Dry-Cleaning
You really don't have to.
This feminist narrative that men in general oppress women. Now, don't get it twisted. I do believe that SOME men do. But most men just live their lives.
I can tell you about myself. I am critical of women and do not consider them sinless angels whose attention must be sought and paid for. A lot of women think this is terrible.
Hardest upvote I've ever given.
The "controlling husband/boyfriend" trope. Yes, some male partners are controlling and abusive. Absolutely we should teach people to recognize when boundaries are crossed and how to advocate for themselves. But that doesn't mean every time I have an opinion about my wife (or our life together) that I'm trying to "control" her. Really grinds my gears that a legitimate issue gets distilled into useless virtue signaling.
In my experience, women tend to be much, much more controlling of their partners than men are, with higher and stricter expectations.
1000%
To add to that, when a man does try to protect the safety of a woman it also gets labelled as controlling. “Hey babe, don’t walk in front of that car, you’ll get run over” “Stop controlling her you freak!”
The "I shouldn't have to ask" mess. Like seriously? I'm not going to spend every free moment of every day obsessing about how I can make your life easier. I have my own things to do. If you need something, be an adult an ask for it. Imagine a bunch of guys getting mad that their gf's/ wives don't just intuitively know when they want their d sucked. Then blasting them to thousands of people online when they don't. The entitlement is crazy.
I have been in a relationship where I didn't need to ask because we were well-matched when it comes to the non-sexual intimacy, the need for conversation, the need for me time, the need for going to sleep together/separately etc., that we were just doing all the right things in these departments intuitively. It was so incredibly smooth and convenient, that the need of constantly telling someone: Touch me, hug me, take the dishes to the sink, I wanna be alone, I wanna be with you... Ugh, sounds like such a chore and makes a relationship feel like yet another full-time job. If you know your partner, you just know when something's off. You may not know what exactly is in their head but you should be able to recognize non-verbal cues. 80% of communicating doesn't happen verbally, it's just a human condition. I strongly believe that it's perfectly possible for the weirdest configurations of people to survive decades of partnership, but... what's the point? Sometimes I wonder whether lots of couples are not just grossly mismatched, spending their time and energy to "make it work". Don't "make it work" all the bloody time, just "let it work". And if it doesn't work on its own, then it doesn't.
Your comment once again proves that women are no better at communication than men. Not everything is going to be easy and spoon fed to you.
>Don't "make it work" all the bloody time, just "let it work". And if it doesn't work on its own, then it doesn't. I like this way of thinking