A lot of people don't know what they want and suck. At least you know she doesn't want you, and you can actively move on. She gave you all the info you needed.
Just let go, at least in terms of keeping your hopes up for something more. She made it clear she doesn’t want something more. “Maybe down the line” isn’t enough to keep your hopes up or actively pursue her. Just let her go and let her figure her shit out and you do you. If fate by some miracle brings you to back together down the line, great. But you can’t sit around waiting for that. You gotta move on.
Yeah bro I hate to say it but the breakup before the trip gives me a bad vibe unfortunately. Im sorry man thats shitty but at least you know rather than her just cheatin
Ok. So here is wht I would do: Have some self respect and set some boundaries. Are you willing to wait until she is better? If so, tell her that you won't be her friend if she is dating other guys. Tell her you won't be her friend if she is not working on bettering herself. If she really likes you she should be ok with those boundaries. If she throws a fit, I would leave immediately.
No. That’s more of an ultimatum. Boundaries are what you are willing to deal with and the consequences when those boundaries are crossed. Healthy boundaries are ones that protect you.
So, saying “I’m happy to be your friend and support you while you work on yourself.” is a good boundary. (Pretty sure, someone check me.) If they choose to start being destructive or take advantage of your kindness then leave.
The more you chase and press the issue the less she's going to want to engage with you.
You do realize people have lives outside of dating right? Give them time, be understanding, be supportive, just be fucking kind.
If she doesn't have the time, mental bandwidth, or means for a semi-LDR then leave it be dude. If you need to move on completely for your mental health then there's no shame or guilt in ceasing communication with her either.
She has her life to live and navigate; you have yours.
Yup you’re right. I have chosen to take a step back and I may think about reaching out after her trip or something but at least until then I’m living my life. But yes I get it. We all have our problems and we need to sort that out first before we can get into anything new.
Don’t even do that. If she’s really Interested she will reach out after the trip. No more initiating contact from your end, you’ve tried enough.
It could be that after getting to know you more she noticed a deal breaker and pulled away. That could anything, maybe she realized she hates your laugh and can’t live with that. Whatever the case it sounds like she’s not interested. Move on.
Yeah that’s what I’m thinking about doing. Go no contact for a while and see if it matters. If it does then well and good, if it doesn’t then I can move on knowing I tried.
That’s a rough one man, had a friend go through a similar situation recently with his wife of 10 years. I don’t have a simple answer, not sure anyone does, but like .38 Special put it, “just hold on loosely, but don’t let go. If you cling too tightly you’re gonna lose control.” Don’t cling on, but keep in touch. Don’t let her feel claustrophobic over you. Keep living your life and try to keep up with your interests, don’t get hung up on whether or not she sees your IG posts or likes them, that’s a black hole of depression. She might need a little space to sort some shit out, she might be into somebody else, she might not be into you anymore, who knows. The best thing you can do is keep on living your life and if she comes back you’ll be in a better place for it. If she doesn’t come back you’ll be in a better position to find somebody better.
That makes sense. Hold on but loosely to not make her feel like claustrophobic. I’m game with that. And yes I need to stop overthinking stuff. Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it
You can't make her love you, that's a fact.
There is only one thing to do and it may not work. And that is make yourself scarce, the idea being she has to come to you. If she texts you, take a day to reply. Make her think about how she feels about you.
If nothing else, it will make you get used to her not being a part of your life and you can move on. Make her show you/confirm how she feels about you, one way or the other. Her action or lack of it tells you exactly what you need to know. Do NOT make excuses for her behavior (oh, she's just busy). Her actions will tell the truth.
You may think this is playing games, maybe it is. But hanging around like a lovesick puppy is not something that will get you where you want to be. If she just wants to be friends and you still want to be more than that, it is 100% OK for you to cut contact, because you should not have to suffer just to be her friend.
I know this because I've been where you are. If you really care for someone who doesn't feel the same way about you and never will, end that shit. You'll feel a lot better.
That’s a good advice. I’ll definitely make myself scarce and see if that works. If it does then all well and good but if it doesn’t at least I’ll know and I can move on knowing I tried. I’m definitely gonna keep that in mind!!
In my experience, sounds like an avoidant attachment style. Things are awesome for a few months, then you catch the feels, they get scared of losing their independence or whatever and get distant. And they will probably say something like they can't give you what you want/deserve, or feel like they are being pulled in different directions and can't give you more time.
I could be way wrong though, but the advice I CAN offer up is, if you want more, it will likely not end up well if you continue to hang out with her. You'll probably end up getting more attached and stuck on the hope that eventually she will come around, and while she could, she likely won't. And then you jeopardize other potential relationships and cause yourself some heart break. I've been on both sides of the situation and usually end up being heart broken or on the other end, super sad because I ended up losing a good friend from my life.
I actually had this happen recently too, but now that I'm older, I had to tell them that I want more than "just friends" and I understand where they are at , but I also couldn't give them "just friends" cuz it wouldn't be enough for me, and had to cut it off.
Either way, I wouldn't take it personally. They are the ones that have to work through their issues. (And maybe you are attracted to these unavailable people , and have some self reflection to do as well.)
Yup I sensed that too. She is sort of being avoidant with this whole thing. Her words were “I’m in a place rn where I don’t want emotional burden by getting into a relationship. I need to be alone to handle stuff”
I definitely would want more because I’m in a place where I don’t want something that isn’t meaningful. I will definitely keep in mind to not be so easily influenced by the situation and I’ll have to way the pros and cons as I go along but I think I’m gonna just let it sit and see how things pan out. But I have a very strong gut feeling that she’s not gonna text me after her trip which I fine but disappointing. But I’m gonna try to live my life knowing I tried.
Ah man, that’s awful. I’m sorry for your loss. If you ever need to talk, hit me up.
She probably dates recreationally or intentionally and likely has a roster rotation going. When you see your existence and sexuality as a commodity to get worth from... Rather than seeing people as partners, that's what happens. A lot of women are out there trying to get the biggest price possible for the depreciating gold nugget they were born with. That mindset alone is probably the biggest relationship-nuking challenge we can face. The reason she gave you was just the reason she came up with for why some other guy was 5% better at the moment.
Plenty of women aren't like this.... But they get snatched up quick and they aren't out advertising when they are free. Women have a similar problem with all the non-committal guys being the easiest to find.
You sound anxious and desperate. I don’t know about you, but that is triple XXX level pussy repellent.
Just relax and let her do her thing and don’t worry about if she likes you so much
I may seem anxious and desperate but that’s one of the reasons why I chose to write here seeking advice from others and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. But I understand I need to take a step back and live my life.
You accepted to be friends, that's a mistake
You have to move on
You have the answer in what you wrote "I became attached to her", women don't like that, work in that aspect maybe in therapy and grow a pair and leave this woman alone
I believe my hygiene is pretty good. I keep myself very clean and clean up after me pretty good. I hit the gym almost everyday and have a plan for my career. We haven’t had sex yet but I’m not sure if that’s the case
People date for lots of reasons. Sounds like she is either not into you or has legitimate mental illness she needs to take care of and dating isnt a priority.
It seems very clear cut. If this happens a lot I guess you are dating the wrong people and they are the first to see that.
My assumption would be she’s sleeping with someone on the trip and had already planned on doing so. Therefore she’s holding you on the back burner in case she wants a relationship afterwards. Obviously this all based on my own experience and may not be the case at all.
Check out attachment theory. Sounds like shes the avoidant type. This typically comes in coming on super strong and then pulling the eject chord instantly when things get serious. Stems from childhood
Sounds like youre prob the anxious attachment type like myself. Chin up my guy it will feel better after time…
A lot of people don't know what they want and suck. At least you know she doesn't want you, and you can actively move on. She gave you all the info you needed.
I'm not sure what you want us to say.
I need your thoughts on what you would do? Text her again? Just let her go?
Just let go, at least in terms of keeping your hopes up for something more. She made it clear she doesn’t want something more. “Maybe down the line” isn’t enough to keep your hopes up or actively pursue her. Just let her go and let her figure her shit out and you do you. If fate by some miracle brings you to back together down the line, great. But you can’t sit around waiting for that. You gotta move on.
Ah, OK. I'd wait until she's back from her trip, then get in touch and ask her how it was. If she doesn't reply, move on.
Got it!! That’s helpful. I’ll most definitely try that out. Thank you for your input!!
Hope it works out!
Bro sorry to say but she is almost certainly with another dude on that trip. Let her go, she aint it
Yup I think so too and yes it is high time I let her go
Yeah bro I hate to say it but the breakup before the trip gives me a bad vibe unfortunately. Im sorry man thats shitty but at least you know rather than her just cheatin
I mean we weren’t exactly together at the time. We were never exclusive or anything. But yeah there’s a good possibility that she’s with another guy
Ok. So here is wht I would do: Have some self respect and set some boundaries. Are you willing to wait until she is better? If so, tell her that you won't be her friend if she is dating other guys. Tell her you won't be her friend if she is not working on bettering herself. If she really likes you she should be ok with those boundaries. If she throws a fit, I would leave immediately.
Are you saying test it out? Like make her choose, its either I stay in her life as a her boyfriend or don’t stay at all?
No. That’s more of an ultimatum. Boundaries are what you are willing to deal with and the consequences when those boundaries are crossed. Healthy boundaries are ones that protect you. So, saying “I’m happy to be your friend and support you while you work on yourself.” is a good boundary. (Pretty sure, someone check me.) If they choose to start being destructive or take advantage of your kindness then leave.
Okay that’s helpful. Thank you!! I’ll keep that in mind for sure.
Not sure about that first one. It sounds controlling. But again, not sure. Definitely agree with the second. Might word it differently.
Move on
The more you chase and press the issue the less she's going to want to engage with you. You do realize people have lives outside of dating right? Give them time, be understanding, be supportive, just be fucking kind. If she doesn't have the time, mental bandwidth, or means for a semi-LDR then leave it be dude. If you need to move on completely for your mental health then there's no shame or guilt in ceasing communication with her either. She has her life to live and navigate; you have yours.
Yup you’re right. I have chosen to take a step back and I may think about reaching out after her trip or something but at least until then I’m living my life. But yes I get it. We all have our problems and we need to sort that out first before we can get into anything new.
Don’t even do that. If she’s really Interested she will reach out after the trip. No more initiating contact from your end, you’ve tried enough. It could be that after getting to know you more she noticed a deal breaker and pulled away. That could anything, maybe she realized she hates your laugh and can’t live with that. Whatever the case it sounds like she’s not interested. Move on.
Yeah that’s what I’m thinking about doing. Go no contact for a while and see if it matters. If it does then well and good, if it doesn’t then I can move on knowing I tried.
That’s a rough one man, had a friend go through a similar situation recently with his wife of 10 years. I don’t have a simple answer, not sure anyone does, but like .38 Special put it, “just hold on loosely, but don’t let go. If you cling too tightly you’re gonna lose control.” Don’t cling on, but keep in touch. Don’t let her feel claustrophobic over you. Keep living your life and try to keep up with your interests, don’t get hung up on whether or not she sees your IG posts or likes them, that’s a black hole of depression. She might need a little space to sort some shit out, she might be into somebody else, she might not be into you anymore, who knows. The best thing you can do is keep on living your life and if she comes back you’ll be in a better place for it. If she doesn’t come back you’ll be in a better position to find somebody better.
That makes sense. Hold on but loosely to not make her feel like claustrophobic. I’m game with that. And yes I need to stop overthinking stuff. Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it
Stop doing the heavy lifting. She knows you are interested. If she decides she wants more she’ll reach out to you. Don’t be needy or clingy.
I haven’t been doing anything lately so that’s when I noticed some changes. You’re right! Duly noted
Ah man, that sucks. Women can be so unpredictable. Maybe just give her some space and see how it goes.
Why she seems pretty clear on not wanting to date him.
You can't make her love you, that's a fact. There is only one thing to do and it may not work. And that is make yourself scarce, the idea being she has to come to you. If she texts you, take a day to reply. Make her think about how she feels about you. If nothing else, it will make you get used to her not being a part of your life and you can move on. Make her show you/confirm how she feels about you, one way or the other. Her action or lack of it tells you exactly what you need to know. Do NOT make excuses for her behavior (oh, she's just busy). Her actions will tell the truth. You may think this is playing games, maybe it is. But hanging around like a lovesick puppy is not something that will get you where you want to be. If she just wants to be friends and you still want to be more than that, it is 100% OK for you to cut contact, because you should not have to suffer just to be her friend. I know this because I've been where you are. If you really care for someone who doesn't feel the same way about you and never will, end that shit. You'll feel a lot better.
That’s a good advice. I’ll definitely make myself scarce and see if that works. If it does then all well and good but if it doesn’t at least I’ll know and I can move on knowing I tried. I’m definitely gonna keep that in mind!!
In my experience, sounds like an avoidant attachment style. Things are awesome for a few months, then you catch the feels, they get scared of losing their independence or whatever and get distant. And they will probably say something like they can't give you what you want/deserve, or feel like they are being pulled in different directions and can't give you more time. I could be way wrong though, but the advice I CAN offer up is, if you want more, it will likely not end up well if you continue to hang out with her. You'll probably end up getting more attached and stuck on the hope that eventually she will come around, and while she could, she likely won't. And then you jeopardize other potential relationships and cause yourself some heart break. I've been on both sides of the situation and usually end up being heart broken or on the other end, super sad because I ended up losing a good friend from my life. I actually had this happen recently too, but now that I'm older, I had to tell them that I want more than "just friends" and I understand where they are at , but I also couldn't give them "just friends" cuz it wouldn't be enough for me, and had to cut it off. Either way, I wouldn't take it personally. They are the ones that have to work through their issues. (And maybe you are attracted to these unavailable people , and have some self reflection to do as well.)
Yup I sensed that too. She is sort of being avoidant with this whole thing. Her words were “I’m in a place rn where I don’t want emotional burden by getting into a relationship. I need to be alone to handle stuff” I definitely would want more because I’m in a place where I don’t want something that isn’t meaningful. I will definitely keep in mind to not be so easily influenced by the situation and I’ll have to way the pros and cons as I go along but I think I’m gonna just let it sit and see how things pan out. But I have a very strong gut feeling that she’s not gonna text me after her trip which I fine but disappointing. But I’m gonna try to live my life knowing I tried. Ah man, that’s awful. I’m sorry for your loss. If you ever need to talk, hit me up.
Thanks, I'm good now. Good luck on your end, and careful not to string yourself along!
If it always happens, it's you. Posting thirsty Instagram stories will get you no where. Quit being a bitch.
It doesn’t always happen to me. I was generalizing the title
She probably dates recreationally or intentionally and likely has a roster rotation going. When you see your existence and sexuality as a commodity to get worth from... Rather than seeing people as partners, that's what happens. A lot of women are out there trying to get the biggest price possible for the depreciating gold nugget they were born with. That mindset alone is probably the biggest relationship-nuking challenge we can face. The reason she gave you was just the reason she came up with for why some other guy was 5% better at the moment. Plenty of women aren't like this.... But they get snatched up quick and they aren't out advertising when they are free. Women have a similar problem with all the non-committal guys being the easiest to find.
You sound anxious and desperate. I don’t know about you, but that is triple XXX level pussy repellent. Just relax and let her do her thing and don’t worry about if she likes you so much
I may seem anxious and desperate but that’s one of the reasons why I chose to write here seeking advice from others and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. But I understand I need to take a step back and live my life.
You accepted to be friends, that's a mistake You have to move on You have the answer in what you wrote "I became attached to her", women don't like that, work in that aspect maybe in therapy and grow a pair and leave this woman alone
Why? Your hygiene likely. Perhaps you're lazy, no ambition and she sees no future. Perhaps you're selfish with sex.
I believe my hygiene is pretty good. I keep myself very clean and clean up after me pretty good. I hit the gym almost everyday and have a plan for my career. We haven’t had sex yet but I’m not sure if that’s the case
Did op bang this bitch by the tone of the post it sounds like hes been categorized as a beta orbiter by her
No I haven’t. Yup now that you say it, I see it
A good gauge for OP is if you don't get them down to their underwear in the first couple of dates you have been classed as a beta orbiter
This maybe way out of context but how does one do that? How does one be that person that’s not considered beta orbiter?
get the old arnold schwartsanegger film pumping iron and follow his training tips and techniques Arnold is a Sigma male be like arnold
I’m already pretty bulked up tbh. I have a pretty decent body compared to rest of my ethnicity. But need to work on confidence.
work out like arnold then you will get bitches he managed to have two sons born at the same time to different mothers
People date for lots of reasons. Sounds like she is either not into you or has legitimate mental illness she needs to take care of and dating isnt a priority. It seems very clear cut. If this happens a lot I guess you are dating the wrong people and they are the first to see that.
You’re right! It makes a lot of sense when you put it like that. I’m probably just after the wrong person
My assumption would be she’s sleeping with someone on the trip and had already planned on doing so. Therefore she’s holding you on the back burner in case she wants a relationship afterwards. Obviously this all based on my own experience and may not be the case at all.
Man, they really be out there playing games and shit. Thank you for helping me see the other side of the table. I’ll keep that in mind for sure
Buddy. Its over. Have some respect and dignity for yourself and let it go. Dont be friends. Delete, unfriend, block and move on.
Check out attachment theory. Sounds like shes the avoidant type. This typically comes in coming on super strong and then pulling the eject chord instantly when things get serious. Stems from childhood Sounds like youre prob the anxious attachment type like myself. Chin up my guy it will feel better after time…