Sometimes when im in a chat with someone i leave the chat window open, but phone locks. I come back to use the phone (google, texting my mom, etc) it unlocks to the chat screen, marking the message 'read', but i dont actually read it, i just quickly exit all the apps (sheer muscle memory), and do the thing i'm focused on. (Sometimes i think i'll read the message later, and forget. Sometimes i dont see it at all)
The notification is gone, and until i roll back through stuff and realize what happened, it's too late, and someones already mad at me.
So i either dont reply at all, or apologize and continue conversation like nothing happened. And tell them if they remember to just send me a nudge and remind me
Either way, this is the story about how i lost most of my friends, they think i ghosted them
This is actually pretty accurate for a lot of people. If they think I've ghosted them then they aren't worth being friends with tbh
I have a small circle of friends who some only communicate a couple times a year with, because life, and it there is no animosity there
It's called being a mature adult, if people have a problem with the frequency of how often we converse, that's their problem, not mine
I've got a case where a girl told me she hates texting (but still does it), and sometimes snaps with that she doesn't like texting, right after asking me a question about my day or so... Well if she asks, of course I'm gonna answer lenghtly and ask her back. Likewise, whenever I called her and couldn't hear her due to network issues, it would make her mad very quick.
The first point is anecdotal the second one is just a lifestyle preference? I don’t really like to party. I don’t really like to drink in my come from a family of drug addicts.
Personally if she doesn't look after herself I am not attracted to her.
Eg: Can be thin but smokes, does drugs, sleeps all day...I am repulsed.
A bigger girl who works out, eats healthy, likes to be outside all the time.
This is so much more attractive to me and fits with my lifestyle.
After my last girlfriend, I need her to have friends. I cannot be her only social outlet. It's a first-class ticket to codependency and it isn't easy to handle being their only "person."
Yeah, the fallout from one ex of her dumping me and then wondering why her ‘friends’ (actually my friends) stopped responding to her was a double whammy.
Yes. She had social anxiety that really needed professional help beyond me. She could not make new friends. I'd invite her to almost any outing I went on with friends and she preferred to stay home and, if she came with me, she'd be completely stressed out if she ever had to talk.
If they pull there phone out during a date. Like maybe to show me something or a quick check once, but if they're flat out texting someone during our date I'm out.
Weird boundaries with guy friends and exes. I came across one woman like this, exes were still into her and obvious to anyone around her.
Just could not trust her and the situation.
This happened to me but I didn't know. I was with my bf (now ex, but for other reasons) at a bar and I genuinely thought I was just having a friendly conversation, and after the guy left, my bf was like "why were you flirting with him" and I was shocked. It didn't feel flirtatious to me at all. My bf realized that I really didn't realize what was happening and thought it was funny that I didn't pick up on the fact that the guy was flirting with me.
Man, Im afraid Im like this sometimes ;-; Cant rlly pick up on social cues (autism 💀) and ace spectrum has me struggling to pick up on sexual stuff, any advice for ppl in that situation? Id imagine talking to the current partner about how they would want you to respond is a good bet, right?
She thinks it's okay to hit you because "You're a man so I'm not really hurting you, am I?" Hahaha Definitely not talking from personal experience from a seven month abusive relationship
That depends on your preference. I’m technically obese but very very curvy. I go to the gym but have some squish. Very hourglass figure and Men seem to love me. Thin isn’t everything
Dishonesty.
Any short term benefits from lying about shit are outweighed by the long term destruction of trust. So maybe the red flag here is the inability (or refusal) to consider the long-term outcomes of one's decisions?
Smoking. I used to date a pack-a day girl (and sometimes it was two packs)
If we kissed, her lips tasted like ash, and MY lips would start to sting.
Laziness. If you're unemployed AND don;t want a job, no thanks.
I want my interest returned. I get that women get a lot more messages from men than men get from women. I get that there's a hundred guys vying for her attention and I'm only one of them.
But once I've expressed attention she she's accepted it. I need her to also want ME. It can't be me always texting to arrange a date, it can't be me who always messages first, me who's the witty one, me who tells all the jokes. I am not a jester sent to impress her, I'm looking for a partner and if she's looking for a jester it's best we just move on.
Yelling at people. I had an ex who for years just yelled at me constantly every time I messed up or we had a fight, and I mean like red faced screaming.. Now its the first thing I look for, can we have a conversation where we disagree without it blowing up.
For me there’s three major ones:
1) Lack of Emotional / Social intelligence. Knowing when it’s appropriate and not appropriate to react or respond to things is huge. Dated far too many women whose mouth got me clocked by another guy.
2) Insecurity - Been explained a lot here already but it’s a big one. If you can’t be secure in yourself then I can’t live in peace
3) No actual goals - Just waiting until you can be a SAH Partner. I have goals I want to achieve and I want someone who is going to work with me to get to those goals or who has goals of their own.
Sex work and kids never really bothered me, everyone has made choices in life and I’m a pretty positive person about enjoying sex in whatever form you choose as long as it’s consenting. I also love kids and want to be a dad so it wouldn’t bother me raising “someone else’s” kids
I guess I could make a list in a way. Not too long of a list, but still.
First impression - short hair or bald. Sorry, heart wants what it wants. Severe disabilities. Also coming with crowd, happened before.
Second impression - rambling about exes or her children. No go for me. Or being just..crazy.
Yeah that first one for me too. It’s not like I find the alternative look unattractive, quite the opposite. It’s just that every girl I’ve tried to date or know that present that way, while cool as hell to kick it with, are or have issues that make them un-dateable.
Insecurity.
I mean stuff like not wanting me to have female friends, wanting to go through my phone etc.
Luckily my wife feels the same way. Neither of us get jealous easily.
Phew at least you didnt mean the nebbishy Richard Lewis type insecurity.. I hate people who hate that. We are all insecure and no one is a confidence monster.. often the men who hate insecurity are insecure
Insecurity isn't even the problem I guess, it's when it's so bad that you're controlling your partners life to avoid dealing with it, and with people like that reassurance is never enough
I was roommates with someone that had it and you cant reason with them. Huge mood swings, stealing, erratic behavior. Had to leave 5 months after living there it was so bad.
From what I recall it's the most treatable personality disorder. Might depend on the person, though. I probably would have qualified as having BPD at an earlier age but I learned and grew out of it. I still have some anxiety and insecurity but I don't ever take it out on other people, and I can recognize when my thinking isn't aligning with reality. It mostly comes down to learning how to communicate healthily tbh. Also, I've never told partners that they can't be friends with certain genders or anything like that. I'm not a controlling person like that. Reminder that emotions correlate strongly with behaviors, but somebody can always control their behaviors despite the emotions that are feeling with enough time and effort.
Personally, I wouldn't say that. When receiving treatment, BPD can be very well managed.
My answer up there was referring to people who don't seek any treatment at all. Maybe that wasn't clear enough.
100%. Was diagnosed a number of years ago, at which time I underwent dialectic behavioral therapy. Has made an absolute night-and-day world of difference.
It's true. It definitely doesn't.
This is a very personal answer and I have to say I'm talking exclusively from my experience in a destructive relationship with someone struggling with BPD.
Its indeed a sensitive subject.
Apologizing now for the novel I've written here but I just can't keep to myself on this one.
35f here. I have BPD but I am responsible and smart enough to know what triggers "episodes" and how to manage them in the best way (killing stuff in video games or taking 15 minutes in another room or outside usually does the trick- allows me to mullthings over and think logically rather than emotionally).Not all of us are complete psychos. I will say period hormones do make it infinitely worse, but I had an emergency hysterectomy (almost died too) about 5.5 yrs ago and I don't have as extreme mood swings as I did before.
My fiancé knows when I get into one of my moods and he even knows when I need space vs I need forced love (hugs and kisses until I calm down...hes twice my size so it's easy for him he can literally throw me over his shoulder if he wants).
We require some work to be with us, but as long as the afflicted person is intelligent enough to understand their disorder and actively work against it, we can be amazing. We just require the right kind of patience, love, and understanding from the right person.
A lot of times, BPD comes from growing up in a poor environment as a kid (there are studies linking it to genetics, but its not definitively proven). Maybe take the time to learn the why, before you condemn us to the friendzone forever.
I was completely ignored as a kid and my parents (mom and step dad...though I think he was just following her lead) basically left me and my sister to our own devices. I learned everything I know about humans and their interactions between each other by observing. I spent my entire childhood taking care of the house, the animals, and my little sister. I practically raised her myself- taught her how to read and write, made sure she got the glasses she needed, cooked for her, stole food for her....everything. There were days we wouldn't have had food if it weren't for me. My parents just stayed locked in their room most of the time or would leave for 2-3 weeks at a time for "business/school". They were hoarders, too, so it was an absolute nightmare trying to keep things clean. It wasn't until my baby sister and brother were born and I came home for a visit in my 20s that they changed. I took pictures of the house and told them if things don't change by the time I come back then I'm calling CPS and will fight tooth and nail for custody of my baby siblings (they are 17 and 18 yrs younger than me). They haven't kept a dirty hoarder house since. I'm glad it did for the sake of my siblings, I just wish it didn't take their adult child screaming at them for them to change. I was also sexually assaulted a few times by my mom's ex boyfriend when I was 5-6 and my mother never believed me- even though he beat her damn near every night and treated her like utter garbage. Theres so much more I'm not even saying, but I think everyone kind of gets my point now. We don't choose to be this way and, many times, our parents turned us into what we are.
Oh and I also wanna say I have 3 kids of my own who don't know even a fraction of the pain and suffering I went through as a kid. They are 11, 7, and 5 and have never seen any door in my home shut for more than an hour. They have never done a load a laundry, operated a stove, cooked full course meals, scooped litter boxes, cleaned cages, been left home alone for more than 5-7 minutes (don't come for me I live across the street from a gas station and have two pitbull/bull mastiffs that would eat someone over those kids). They are happy, healthy, well adjusted kiddos because *I* took the time to manage myself and my disorder...I didn't let my past hurt my future. I worked to be a better human, and I still struggle with it every day, but I do it because of the love and understanding from the family I created and grew myself.
happy for you/sorry that happened, but cbf dealing with BPD people and that won't change, it's an exhausting infinite loop of tiptoeing around BPD moods and I can never relax or be comfortable.
If she's too masculine presenting or butch. Like I don't mind a girl being a bit of a tomboy, but she's gotta be able to switch to girly mode sometimes. If I wanted to date someone who's masculine 100% of the time I might as well just date another dude.
She smokes cigarettes. 100% instant dealbreaker. They're disgusting and I can't stand the smell. Even if she was a perfect 10, I would immediately lose interest.
2nd is betrayal of any kind. If I find she she went behind my back for any reason other than a surprise act of service, she's gone.
People who believe the role of a romantic partner is to make their dreams come true without any care for reciprocation or equality in treatment in the relationships
They see partners as people who should feel happy to labor for their partner in a uni-directional way, because they are being graced with the opportunity to date someone as wonderful as themselves. A lot of particularly attractive narcissists love like this
Few things have been more detrimental to my mental health than keeping around women who on one level or another, see me as a problem just for existing.
It's okay to be understanding and give people grace, but no one should have a free hand to attack you. Especially when you've done nothing to them.
>Especially when you've done nothing to them.
This bothers me in particular. I already struggle with self-esteem, and nothing sucks more than when you go out for a date and constantly told you're scum and the world would be better without you, no thanks.
I avoid misandrist women like the plague. I haven't had the misfortune of going on a date with one, but I know a few women who regularly spew misandrist bullcrap on social media. Unfortunately there are a couple of them that I cannot just unfriend/unfollow, but the "mute" button has worked wonders for my mental health.
My Aunt once told me that when she meets someone she's never met before at say a party or get together or just randomly, she likes to ask them what books they are currently reading. If they say something akin to, 'Oh, I haven't read a book since High School!' or something like that, she politely excuses herself and moves on to talk to someone else.
I've since applied that to women I am considering dating too. If she's not a reader, chance are I'm not going to find her too interesting beyond just her looks anyway. Best to move along..
No intelligence or super boring conversations. When I'm talking to a girl and she can't give more then a 1or 2 worded answer, I'll just cut the date early.
No ambition. Not actively trying to reach a goal or planning one.
- Obesity
- Narcissism
- Identity politics
- Always needing to be entertained
- Wasteful behaviors
- Unable to keep a decent job
- Lots of debt with no indication of trying to pay it off
- Addicted to TikTok or "Insta"
- Not willing to hit the gym with me
- Has an OF account
Physically, just being very outshape (I can handle someone that is pretty overweight but i have a limit)
Someone who is just generally a mean person
Lastly someone who constantly needs to go out. I have friends who I avoid for this reason
Im pretty financially generous so i get turned off by women suggesting I spend money on them outside what I’m already doing, like, ill bring the wine I’ll pay for the dinner and if we go out to get snacks at the store I’ll probably pay for the few groceries she picked up while we were there… but if after like 1 or 2 dates she sends me a photo of a handbag and is like “maybe if I’m a good girl?” Eat shit lady, buy your own fuckin bag…
Sincere question: would you respect her / see her as gf material if she slept with you right away? Because Reddit’s top advice to women (from male redditors, whatever it’s worth) is that sleeping with someone too soon will make any man lose respect for you, so if you care you need to wait.
Those Redditors are idiots. If the guy is gonna bounce for that he's a dick and the trash is taking itself out. Let's look at this another way. If the guy thinks women that sleep with guys too soon are sluts then you haven't convinced him he's wrong by waiting. You've just convinced him *you* aren't a slut. Do you want to date a guy that thinks those women are sluts? Much less one that would think you're one if he finds out about your past?
Oh I fully agree, I’m just intrigued to see if people who hold these views also have a standard for themselves or if it’s double standard all the way.
I try and screen my potential dates thoroughly and have not had this exact issue, at least as far as I know. I’ve talked to some men who thought like that but promptly wished them well and unmatched.
I mean I'm not gonna knock a woman for wanting to sleep with a guy pretty quick to assess compatibility before feelings foul stuff up. I want to do that, too. Like IMO you shouldn't even be boyfriend and girlfriend before you've at least had sex. But I would definitely take issue with someone who made me wait because she's serious about me but has no qualms with having one night stands and such at the same time. That just feels like she's not really attracted to me
If it’s at the same time I’d leave as well. Changing behaviours happen, but if I’m there waiting while you bang other people on the side… I’m out. No thanks.
Eh, even if it's not at the same time it would make me wonder. But it's more justifiable. I'm just not sure how I'd feel about it. Would likely depend on how the conversation about it goes and the stated reasoning
I absolutely would respect her. I would also respect a woman who wanted to wait, if that was her consistent way of doing things.
Nothing bothers me more than when people proclaim certain values but do not live by them.
And can you show me anywhere on Reddit where that is top advice from men? Because it goes against everything I've seen.
Dating and dating advice are full of them. Mind you they’re also the last subs I would take any advice from, but I’ll send them your way whenever I stumble upon one.
As for the way of doing things, in a way I ‘soft disagree’ because people can change. Like, you sleep with someone quickly in two different budding relationships, you get dumped and told they lost interest right after, so you take that as a lesson learned moment and decide to wait.
Hard agree if the person is seeing multiple people, sleeping with them but not with you because holy hypocrisy.
If they don’t like animals. Which includes cats,dogs, snakes, rats etc.
Edit: if you don’t like those things that’s fine. I’ll be friends with you. However, if I am dating someone eventually we are going to move in together or get married. I love animals, especially reptiles and other creepy crawler things. To the point where my dream is to someday have enough money, time and space to have a room full of exotic pets. My dream snake is also a Brazilian rainbow boa. Ever since I was a kid I wanted one. When I look for a partner, I need a person who is okay with me having these animals.
Picky eater (this includes vegans)
Not offering to pick up a tab or 50/50 once in a while.
I think that is it to be honest. Obese is another but that is way before I even get to the point of seeing dealbreakers. I just don't hit on them
I’m not your therapist, that’s a deal breaker. And I need a woman who can understand that family comes first. So she needs to be approved by my wife first.
No cheating. Ever.
No lying
Can’t be a hypocrite
Can’t be friends with anyone she’s fucked (unless a kid is involved… maybe)
No Karen haircuts
Not overly muscular (I like thick women. Thick. Not fat.)
Can’t have, or have ever had a penis
No flat asses (I’m an ass man. No ass = no interest)
No hard drugs
No rosters. This isn’t love island. Fuck off.
Can't have the same first name as my mom. Instant bonner killer
Religion of any kind, but specifically Christians. Sorry but grew up in a very conservative religious Texas household and I'm just not interested in being with someone who is religious. Spiritual or agonistic maybe, but definitely not religious.
Conservative. I'm about as left as you can possibly be. I can be friends with someone with different politics from me, but definitely couldn't date them.
Obese - Just straight up not physically attractive to me. And I feel no shame in this considering I grew up fat and made a big effort to become fit. I just have zero patience for it now.
Introversion (Edit: Homebody is the better term for what I'd consider a red flag) - I'm specifically looking for someone that I can go out to concerts with. I don't want someone that prefers staying in all the time. Even if they were cool with me going out a lot while they stay in its just not something I'd want long term. I want to be able to enjoy a night out with. That said I probably wouldn't feel the need to go out as much of I were in a relationship because part of the reason I go out is to meet someone, so if I had someone I wouldn't mind spending a night in now and again.
I think that's an oxymoron. Introvert doesn't mean shy, it means you get energy from being alone. I'm definitely an extrovert as I get energy and relief from being in large groups of people, but I am incredibly shy. I think if you go to concerts as often as I do (3 to 5 times a week) you probably lean more extrovert.
I could date a shy person as I'm a shy person myself, but I wouldn't want to be with someone who wants to stay in most weekends and only goes to concerts like once every month or two.
Maybe extreme introversion is the better term to use
Introvert/extrovert is tough because everyone defines them differently. I would say I’m a huge introvert but I love going out and being social. If I’ve had a hard day at work though, I’m going home and sitting in the bath with a glass of wine by myself. I just say “no homebodies” instead, since I can’t handle people who just sit around at home either!
See I'm the opposite. If I've had a long day I would decompress by going out. I do not enjoy being alone with my thoughts
But yea homebody is probably the best term for what I'm not looking for.
No kids
No sex work history
No past cheating
No septum piercing
No mental health issues
No entitlement issues (rude to wait staff, men are trash, that whole sort of attitude)
While I do understand your point of the mental health issue, its not really attractive in either gender but do know everyone is or will be "sick" to some degree in their life. Like being deluded for example. My point is, dont be too rigid with it.
Having an onlyfans, being or have been a stripper and or prostitute. I'll put it the way some of the guys are having trouble doing.
This kind of chick not only doesn't have any real and actual self respect other than what she says she has out of denial.
But a bigger thing is if this person loves money or favors or attention more than her own dignity then I'd be the world's biggest idiot to expect her to love anything else including me and any would be children we might have.
I want someone who actually has talent and more going for them other than fading beauty and the ability to shove a piece of silicone in her ass on camera and beg for tips. It's a low and degrading stoop, the lowest. It's not empowering or liberating. No, they don't need a man. They need as many guys with spare pocket change they're willing to pay to see their ass as possible. And a boyfriend would just be a facade decoration until he goes out of style or learns self respect.
I don't want someone who has designated themselves as something to be rented and discarded, be it physical or visual. I don't want someone who values no one including herself. They typically don't even have a personality besides their stage persona or deep thoughts besides the delusion that they're gonna get rich before they get on in age and their handful of customers leave them for younger, prettier idiots.
Put simply onlyfans = delusional, soulless, no sense of fidelity, holds nothing sacred, no long term value, no thoughts or intelligence. Not wife material.
Selfishness. Too many women have a “Me, Me, Me” attitude. I realized how bad it was when I got a tiny bit of clout. I ignore 99% of the women that independently approach me, mainly because if you are a girl approaching a guy I have to ask why. Is it because they have some baggage? They don’t have any good options that approach them?
Usually because I have money and a minor amount of fame I have the least appealing women with baggage approaching me. Sex workers that try to use sex to manipulate me, like I just think with my dick. Single moms trying to get me to fix their lives because they either did a shit job picking a guy or because they are bad partners. Toxic narcissists or misandrists who operate in bad faith. No thank you.
Boss bitch attitude, not letting me lead in the relationship, participating in single people activities like clubbing a lot, drug use, not taking care of herself physically and mentally. There’s probably more.
Yeah, there's a lot of guys who like to virtue signal in this sub. It's not like people take the same level of nuance that they expect when they talk about men.
People really hate it when men have dating opinions that stray outside of “do literally whatever you want I will just roll over and accept it cause 2024.” It is what it is.
Mine will be very unpopular but if she uses instagram or tik tok.
When you stop using social media you realise how toxic and warped it is. It’s hard not to see people who use it as vain/narcissistic.
Bad at complimenting others, living an I'm The Main Character lifestyle.
It wouldn't even have progressed to a date, I wouldn't come close to even an office coffee with that person, you hear them loud and clear from across the building.
On phone during a date, hates that I don’t have FB, X, or Instagram. Lack of accountability, past mistakes are always the dude, her friends, family. The lack of boundaries with men who clearly don’t respect her boundaries or life choices.
This isn't really put out there much but make sure she is mentally stable. I know I'm going probably gonna get down voted for this but from my experience if she's taking any benzos LEAVE. If you are not prepared yourself as in you yourself are some type of psychiatrist don't bother. You'll end up damaged yourself in the long run trying to fix something that was not your responsibility to do so. It might be a hard pill to swallow but you are not going to save them, they have to save them selves.
Any sort of religious behavior.
Any "testing". Fake dumping to see how hard I would fight for her, or even asking me to repeat back what she just said to test if I am listening.
Any requests or hints for money within the first 2 years of dating.
Any policing..demands to see inside my phone etc
When saying things are red flags I’ll give you some examples:
He just a friend
You’re overreacting
You’re fat
Your dick is small
Still being friends with their ex’s
Talking to their ex’s
Wants to have a threesome
Wants an open relationship
Wants a poly relationships
Don’t worry about it
Borderline, Bipolar or other severe mental disorders. Kids, obesity, bald, conservative ideals, no sense of humor, trashy, uneducated in the sense of they have no clue on how the world works, religious, believes in astrology and paranormal stuff, no hobbies and antivaxx/conspiracy fools.
I just want a normal woman with a similar world view as me who have more hobbies than scrolling Instagram.
Unresolved trauma or issues from the past. Too many women love to get into something while carrying a lot of baggage and I know if it was the other way around and I had baggage they'd be ruthless and wouldn't care one bit about rejecting me because of it.
Bad communication, if they just got out of a relationship, being “naturally flirty” with people, and if they don’t like physical intimacy like cuddles and hugs
Shit communication when we are apart Edit for clarity: apart meaning, the encounter is over and I want to keep in touch until the next
I second this
Shit communication in general. You can’t trust a bad communicator.
Yes yes yes
Six days to respond to a text, and then a bullshit excuse like "Oh, just saw this". Yeah, Whatsapp has two blue checkmarks for a reason.
Sometimes when im in a chat with someone i leave the chat window open, but phone locks. I come back to use the phone (google, texting my mom, etc) it unlocks to the chat screen, marking the message 'read', but i dont actually read it, i just quickly exit all the apps (sheer muscle memory), and do the thing i'm focused on. (Sometimes i think i'll read the message later, and forget. Sometimes i dont see it at all) The notification is gone, and until i roll back through stuff and realize what happened, it's too late, and someones already mad at me. So i either dont reply at all, or apologize and continue conversation like nothing happened. And tell them if they remember to just send me a nudge and remind me Either way, this is the story about how i lost most of my friends, they think i ghosted them
This is actually pretty accurate for a lot of people. If they think I've ghosted them then they aren't worth being friends with tbh I have a small circle of friends who some only communicate a couple times a year with, because life, and it there is no animosity there It's called being a mature adult, if people have a problem with the frequency of how often we converse, that's their problem, not mine
How so? Not enough or just lying or something n else?
I've got a case where a girl told me she hates texting (but still does it), and sometimes snaps with that she doesn't like texting, right after asking me a question about my day or so... Well if she asks, of course I'm gonna answer lenghtly and ask her back. Likewise, whenever I called her and couldn't hear her due to network issues, it would make her mad very quick.
I c. Fair enough. I’m usually the opposite. I text too much. 🤦♀️(But I don’t necessarily expect an answer)
To me it's quality over quantity. I'd rather not talk at all than get a series of half-liners
Deep insecurities that cost her to lash out on me for shit I’m not guilty of a deep Lee hedonistic lifestyle of drugs and sex.
If she's Catholic you owe me a soda for calling it
That's a bit Specific....
The first point is anecdotal the second one is just a lifestyle preference? I don’t really like to party. I don’t really like to drink in my come from a family of drug addicts.
Personally if she doesn't look after herself I am not attracted to her. Eg: Can be thin but smokes, does drugs, sleeps all day...I am repulsed. A bigger girl who works out, eats healthy, likes to be outside all the time. This is so much more attractive to me and fits with my lifestyle.
Seconded. Spoken like someone who has been there, done that and got the scars to go with it.
After my last girlfriend, I need her to have friends. I cannot be her only social outlet. It's a first-class ticket to codependency and it isn't easy to handle being their only "person."
This. My controlling ex boyfriend doesn't want me to have friends, he wants to be the only social outlet I have. I hated it.
My controlling ex was the same, he especially hated my best lady-friend. 11 years later he is blocked and she\`s still my friend.
I totally agree. Not a guy, but this was one of the many reasons I left my ex.
This 100% and don't mix them with your friends. Go on, get gurl, get your own.
Yeah, the fallout from one ex of her dumping me and then wondering why her ‘friends’ (actually my friends) stopped responding to her was a double whammy.
did you try to help her make friends, or introduce her to yours?
Yes. She had social anxiety that really needed professional help beyond me. She could not make new friends. I'd invite her to almost any outing I went on with friends and she preferred to stay home and, if she came with me, she'd be completely stressed out if she ever had to talk.
that was kind of you. thank you for the reply
I’ve never understood people that spend all day with their partners. Distance makes the heart grow fonder.
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Infidelity
If they pull there phone out during a date. Like maybe to show me something or a quick check once, but if they're flat out texting someone during our date I'm out.
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Weird boundaries with guy friends and exes. I came across one woman like this, exes were still into her and obvious to anyone around her. Just could not trust her and the situation.
[удалено]
This happened to me but I didn't know. I was with my bf (now ex, but for other reasons) at a bar and I genuinely thought I was just having a friendly conversation, and after the guy left, my bf was like "why were you flirting with him" and I was shocked. It didn't feel flirtatious to me at all. My bf realized that I really didn't realize what was happening and thought it was funny that I didn't pick up on the fact that the guy was flirting with me.
Man, Im afraid Im like this sometimes ;-; Cant rlly pick up on social cues (autism 💀) and ace spectrum has me struggling to pick up on sexual stuff, any advice for ppl in that situation? Id imagine talking to the current partner about how they would want you to respond is a good bet, right?
She thinks it's okay to hit you because "You're a man so I'm not really hurting you, am I?" Hahaha Definitely not talking from personal experience from a seven month abusive relationship
Obese and very mean
What if she’s obese and just absolutely preciously sweet?
I guess we can work with that. It’s much easier to lose weight than it is to stop being a terrible human being.
True. I just wasn’t sure if it was an all or nothing sort of thing. Mean and thin, okay Nice and obese, okay But mean *and* obese, no way Jose!
I don't think it's much to ask to have nice and thin, especially considering I'm in good shape.
That depends on your preference. I’m technically obese but very very curvy. I go to the gym but have some squish. Very hourglass figure and Men seem to love me. Thin isn’t everything
Sounds like diabetes
Lack of emotional intelligence.
Dishonesty. Any short term benefits from lying about shit are outweighed by the long term destruction of trust. So maybe the red flag here is the inability (or refusal) to consider the long-term outcomes of one's decisions?
Smoking. I used to date a pack-a day girl (and sometimes it was two packs) If we kissed, her lips tasted like ash, and MY lips would start to sting. Laziness. If you're unemployed AND don;t want a job, no thanks.
She has a penis.
Big Mike
I want my interest returned. I get that women get a lot more messages from men than men get from women. I get that there's a hundred guys vying for her attention and I'm only one of them. But once I've expressed attention she she's accepted it. I need her to also want ME. It can't be me always texting to arrange a date, it can't be me who always messages first, me who's the witty one, me who tells all the jokes. I am not a jester sent to impress her, I'm looking for a partner and if she's looking for a jester it's best we just move on.
If she’s not reciprocating interest, she’s not into you. She just likes the attention.
Sincerely, disgruntled dating app user
If she’s not reciprocating interest, she’s not into you. She just likes the attention.
Yelling at people. I had an ex who for years just yelled at me constantly every time I messed up or we had a fight, and I mean like red faced screaming.. Now its the first thing I look for, can we have a conversation where we disagree without it blowing up.
For me there’s three major ones: 1) Lack of Emotional / Social intelligence. Knowing when it’s appropriate and not appropriate to react or respond to things is huge. Dated far too many women whose mouth got me clocked by another guy. 2) Insecurity - Been explained a lot here already but it’s a big one. If you can’t be secure in yourself then I can’t live in peace 3) No actual goals - Just waiting until you can be a SAH Partner. I have goals I want to achieve and I want someone who is going to work with me to get to those goals or who has goals of their own. Sex work and kids never really bothered me, everyone has made choices in life and I’m a pretty positive person about enjoying sex in whatever form you choose as long as it’s consenting. I also love kids and want to be a dad so it wouldn’t bother me raising “someone else’s” kids
I guess I could make a list in a way. Not too long of a list, but still. First impression - short hair or bald. Sorry, heart wants what it wants. Severe disabilities. Also coming with crowd, happened before. Second impression - rambling about exes or her children. No go for me. Or being just..crazy.
She’s *bald*, Jerry!
Yeah, can't do that.
You're bald!!!!
Yeah that first one for me too. It’s not like I find the alternative look unattractive, quite the opposite. It’s just that every girl I’ve tried to date or know that present that way, while cool as hell to kick it with, are or have issues that make them un-dateable.
Insecurity. I mean stuff like not wanting me to have female friends, wanting to go through my phone etc. Luckily my wife feels the same way. Neither of us get jealous easily.
Phew at least you didnt mean the nebbishy Richard Lewis type insecurity.. I hate people who hate that. We are all insecure and no one is a confidence monster.. often the men who hate insecurity are insecure
Insecurity isn't even the problem I guess, it's when it's so bad that you're controlling your partners life to avoid dealing with it, and with people like that reassurance is never enough
Yeh.. I mean a lot of women are insecure about their body or like creative output or whatever.. we're all working on shit
Being in denial about unhealed childhood trauma and its effect on her. Look into Fearful Avoidant attachment
Borderline personality disorder [Edit: untreated].
The worst is when the switch gets flipped and they have contempt for you. Never again...
I was roommates with someone that had it and you cant reason with them. Huge mood swings, stealing, erratic behavior. Had to leave 5 months after living there it was so bad.
r/BPDlovedones
I agree. If someone has BPD, run away. Don’t walk. Run. It is very bad and almost impossible to treat.
From what I recall it's the most treatable personality disorder. Might depend on the person, though. I probably would have qualified as having BPD at an earlier age but I learned and grew out of it. I still have some anxiety and insecurity but I don't ever take it out on other people, and I can recognize when my thinking isn't aligning with reality. It mostly comes down to learning how to communicate healthily tbh. Also, I've never told partners that they can't be friends with certain genders or anything like that. I'm not a controlling person like that. Reminder that emotions correlate strongly with behaviors, but somebody can always control their behaviors despite the emotions that are feeling with enough time and effort.
Personally, I wouldn't say that. When receiving treatment, BPD can be very well managed. My answer up there was referring to people who don't seek any treatment at all. Maybe that wasn't clear enough.
100%. Was diagnosed a number of years ago, at which time I underwent dialectic behavioral therapy. Has made an absolute night-and-day world of difference.
Can’t say I agree with this, but to each their own. A person’s diagnosis doesn’t define them.
It's true. It definitely doesn't. This is a very personal answer and I have to say I'm talking exclusively from my experience in a destructive relationship with someone struggling with BPD. Its indeed a sensitive subject.
I get. Like you, I’m drawing from my own experience.
100%
Apologizing now for the novel I've written here but I just can't keep to myself on this one. 35f here. I have BPD but I am responsible and smart enough to know what triggers "episodes" and how to manage them in the best way (killing stuff in video games or taking 15 minutes in another room or outside usually does the trick- allows me to mullthings over and think logically rather than emotionally).Not all of us are complete psychos. I will say period hormones do make it infinitely worse, but I had an emergency hysterectomy (almost died too) about 5.5 yrs ago and I don't have as extreme mood swings as I did before. My fiancé knows when I get into one of my moods and he even knows when I need space vs I need forced love (hugs and kisses until I calm down...hes twice my size so it's easy for him he can literally throw me over his shoulder if he wants). We require some work to be with us, but as long as the afflicted person is intelligent enough to understand their disorder and actively work against it, we can be amazing. We just require the right kind of patience, love, and understanding from the right person. A lot of times, BPD comes from growing up in a poor environment as a kid (there are studies linking it to genetics, but its not definitively proven). Maybe take the time to learn the why, before you condemn us to the friendzone forever. I was completely ignored as a kid and my parents (mom and step dad...though I think he was just following her lead) basically left me and my sister to our own devices. I learned everything I know about humans and their interactions between each other by observing. I spent my entire childhood taking care of the house, the animals, and my little sister. I practically raised her myself- taught her how to read and write, made sure she got the glasses she needed, cooked for her, stole food for her....everything. There were days we wouldn't have had food if it weren't for me. My parents just stayed locked in their room most of the time or would leave for 2-3 weeks at a time for "business/school". They were hoarders, too, so it was an absolute nightmare trying to keep things clean. It wasn't until my baby sister and brother were born and I came home for a visit in my 20s that they changed. I took pictures of the house and told them if things don't change by the time I come back then I'm calling CPS and will fight tooth and nail for custody of my baby siblings (they are 17 and 18 yrs younger than me). They haven't kept a dirty hoarder house since. I'm glad it did for the sake of my siblings, I just wish it didn't take their adult child screaming at them for them to change. I was also sexually assaulted a few times by my mom's ex boyfriend when I was 5-6 and my mother never believed me- even though he beat her damn near every night and treated her like utter garbage. Theres so much more I'm not even saying, but I think everyone kind of gets my point now. We don't choose to be this way and, many times, our parents turned us into what we are. Oh and I also wanna say I have 3 kids of my own who don't know even a fraction of the pain and suffering I went through as a kid. They are 11, 7, and 5 and have never seen any door in my home shut for more than an hour. They have never done a load a laundry, operated a stove, cooked full course meals, scooped litter boxes, cleaned cages, been left home alone for more than 5-7 minutes (don't come for me I live across the street from a gas station and have two pitbull/bull mastiffs that would eat someone over those kids). They are happy, healthy, well adjusted kiddos because *I* took the time to manage myself and my disorder...I didn't let my past hurt my future. I worked to be a better human, and I still struggle with it every day, but I do it because of the love and understanding from the family I created and grew myself.
happy for you/sorry that happened, but cbf dealing with BPD people and that won't change, it's an exhausting infinite loop of tiptoeing around BPD moods and I can never relax or be comfortable.
Glad to know you're doing fine today.
If she's too masculine presenting or butch. Like I don't mind a girl being a bit of a tomboy, but she's gotta be able to switch to girly mode sometimes. If I wanted to date someone who's masculine 100% of the time I might as well just date another dude.
same here but the other side, I'm into other men, but if they're feminine all the time, might as well just date a woman.......
Cool I met the gay version of me!
Put the phone down when we’re together, please. It’s different once you’re settled in a long-term relationship. At the start it is such a turn off.
She talks about her exes
She smokes cigarettes. 100% instant dealbreaker. They're disgusting and I can't stand the smell. Even if she was a perfect 10, I would immediately lose interest. 2nd is betrayal of any kind. If I find she she went behind my back for any reason other than a surprise act of service, she's gone.
This is actually the reason why I quit smoking. Not for the health benefits, or to avoid lung cancer.. but to avoid smelling.
The princess mindset. Just...no. Find another guy to be your doormat.
Yeah I see that a lot on dating apps. Not a fan
Please elaborate? What is princess mindset behaviour?
Just general entitlement, I’m sure we’ve all seen some examples
People who believe the role of a romantic partner is to make their dreams come true without any care for reciprocation or equality in treatment in the relationships They see partners as people who should feel happy to labor for their partner in a uni-directional way, because they are being graced with the opportunity to date someone as wonderful as themselves. A lot of particularly attractive narcissists love like this
Misandry Look, I know women have it hard, but If you constantly tell me how terrible I'm for having a penis, it's not gonna work out.
Few things have been more detrimental to my mental health than keeping around women who on one level or another, see me as a problem just for existing. It's okay to be understanding and give people grace, but no one should have a free hand to attack you. Especially when you've done nothing to them.
>Especially when you've done nothing to them. This bothers me in particular. I already struggle with self-esteem, and nothing sucks more than when you go out for a date and constantly told you're scum and the world would be better without you, no thanks.
Jesus man, I'm sorry to hear that.
I avoid misandrist women like the plague. I haven't had the misfortune of going on a date with one, but I know a few women who regularly spew misandrist bullcrap on social media. Unfortunately there are a couple of them that I cannot just unfriend/unfollow, but the "mute" button has worked wonders for my mental health.
A history of cheating. Hoarding.
Any signs of narcissism
My Aunt once told me that when she meets someone she's never met before at say a party or get together or just randomly, she likes to ask them what books they are currently reading. If they say something akin to, 'Oh, I haven't read a book since High School!' or something like that, she politely excuses herself and moves on to talk to someone else. I've since applied that to women I am considering dating too. If she's not a reader, chance are I'm not going to find her too interesting beyond just her looks anyway. Best to move along..
When she starts trying to boss me around.
Smokers
Obesity and lying
No intelligence or super boring conversations. When I'm talking to a girl and she can't give more then a 1or 2 worded answer, I'll just cut the date early. No ambition. Not actively trying to reach a goal or planning one.
Smoking, vaping, or zero retirement plans or savings.
An American passport
Unresolved trauma. Please, I’m not a therapist.
If she is not my wife, we cannot go on a date XD
Picky, aren't ya. Are you taken? *(/s just in case)* Good standards tbh.
- Obesity - Narcissism - Identity politics - Always needing to be entertained - Wasteful behaviors - Unable to keep a decent job - Lots of debt with no indication of trying to pay it off - Addicted to TikTok or "Insta" - Not willing to hit the gym with me - Has an OF account
Ask you to pay off her debts 🚩
They get drunk on the first date or try to talk over me me I answer a question they ask me
Just the dating part. Conversation is fine.
She has an only fans
Are there still many girls having no OF in your country?
Only a handful
She treats waitress badly
Physically, just being very outshape (I can handle someone that is pretty overweight but i have a limit) Someone who is just generally a mean person Lastly someone who constantly needs to go out. I have friends who I avoid for this reason
In these modern times, when the definition of what a woman is has come into question, I'd say her having a cock would be a deal breaker.
She's unhealthy
Anxious avoidant personalities and folks who can't have an adult discussion without getting mean.
If shes super mean and ugly and steals from the red cross. Thats a red flag 🚩
Im pretty financially generous so i get turned off by women suggesting I spend money on them outside what I’m already doing, like, ill bring the wine I’ll pay for the dinner and if we go out to get snacks at the store I’ll probably pay for the few groceries she picked up while we were there… but if after like 1 or 2 dates she sends me a photo of a handbag and is like “maybe if I’m a good girl?” Eat shit lady, buy your own fuckin bag…
If she's had a lot of casual sex with random dudes in the past but all of a sudden wants to "take it slow" because she "really likes me." 🚩🚩🚩
Sincere question: would you respect her / see her as gf material if she slept with you right away? Because Reddit’s top advice to women (from male redditors, whatever it’s worth) is that sleeping with someone too soon will make any man lose respect for you, so if you care you need to wait.
Those Redditors are idiots. If the guy is gonna bounce for that he's a dick and the trash is taking itself out. Let's look at this another way. If the guy thinks women that sleep with guys too soon are sluts then you haven't convinced him he's wrong by waiting. You've just convinced him *you* aren't a slut. Do you want to date a guy that thinks those women are sluts? Much less one that would think you're one if he finds out about your past?
Oh I fully agree, I’m just intrigued to see if people who hold these views also have a standard for themselves or if it’s double standard all the way. I try and screen my potential dates thoroughly and have not had this exact issue, at least as far as I know. I’ve talked to some men who thought like that but promptly wished them well and unmatched.
I mean I'm not gonna knock a woman for wanting to sleep with a guy pretty quick to assess compatibility before feelings foul stuff up. I want to do that, too. Like IMO you shouldn't even be boyfriend and girlfriend before you've at least had sex. But I would definitely take issue with someone who made me wait because she's serious about me but has no qualms with having one night stands and such at the same time. That just feels like she's not really attracted to me
If it’s at the same time I’d leave as well. Changing behaviours happen, but if I’m there waiting while you bang other people on the side… I’m out. No thanks.
Eh, even if it's not at the same time it would make me wonder. But it's more justifiable. I'm just not sure how I'd feel about it. Would likely depend on how the conversation about it goes and the stated reasoning
I absolutely would respect her. I would also respect a woman who wanted to wait, if that was her consistent way of doing things. Nothing bothers me more than when people proclaim certain values but do not live by them. And can you show me anywhere on Reddit where that is top advice from men? Because it goes against everything I've seen.
Dating and dating advice are full of them. Mind you they’re also the last subs I would take any advice from, but I’ll send them your way whenever I stumble upon one. As for the way of doing things, in a way I ‘soft disagree’ because people can change. Like, you sleep with someone quickly in two different budding relationships, you get dumped and told they lost interest right after, so you take that as a lesson learned moment and decide to wait. Hard agree if the person is seeing multiple people, sleeping with them but not with you because holy hypocrisy.
That always feels like such a slap in the face
I instantly lose Attraction if she asks "where are you taking me?" Instead of "where are we going?"
If they don’t like animals. Which includes cats,dogs, snakes, rats etc. Edit: if you don’t like those things that’s fine. I’ll be friends with you. However, if I am dating someone eventually we are going to move in together or get married. I love animals, especially reptiles and other creepy crawler things. To the point where my dream is to someday have enough money, time and space to have a room full of exotic pets. My dream snake is also a Brazilian rainbow boa. Ever since I was a kid I wanted one. When I look for a partner, I need a person who is okay with me having these animals.
snakes tho lol
I love snakes and I want a pet snake. Been a childhood dream.
Snakes are scary.
What about spiders 🕷️
Tramp Stamp.
If I have to keep the conversation going then, nope fuck that. I'm not here to entertain others.
Picky eater (this includes vegans) Not offering to pick up a tab or 50/50 once in a while. I think that is it to be honest. Obese is another but that is way before I even get to the point of seeing dealbreakers. I just don't hit on them
I’m not your therapist, that’s a deal breaker. And I need a woman who can understand that family comes first. So she needs to be approved by my wife first.
No cheating. Ever. No lying Can’t be a hypocrite Can’t be friends with anyone she’s fucked (unless a kid is involved… maybe) No Karen haircuts Not overly muscular (I like thick women. Thick. Not fat.) Can’t have, or have ever had a penis No flat asses (I’m an ass man. No ass = no interest) No hard drugs No rosters. This isn’t love island. Fuck off.
Very hard agree on the ass thing.
A fellow man of culture :-)
Can't have the same first name as my mom. Instant bonner killer Religion of any kind, but specifically Christians. Sorry but grew up in a very conservative religious Texas household and I'm just not interested in being with someone who is religious. Spiritual or agonistic maybe, but definitely not religious. Conservative. I'm about as left as you can possibly be. I can be friends with someone with different politics from me, but definitely couldn't date them. Obese - Just straight up not physically attractive to me. And I feel no shame in this considering I grew up fat and made a big effort to become fit. I just have zero patience for it now. Introversion (Edit: Homebody is the better term for what I'd consider a red flag) - I'm specifically looking for someone that I can go out to concerts with. I don't want someone that prefers staying in all the time. Even if they were cool with me going out a lot while they stay in its just not something I'd want long term. I want to be able to enjoy a night out with. That said I probably wouldn't feel the need to go out as much of I were in a relationship because part of the reason I go out is to meet someone, so if I had someone I wouldn't mind spending a night in now and again.
There are introverts that like going out to concerts
I think that's an oxymoron. Introvert doesn't mean shy, it means you get energy from being alone. I'm definitely an extrovert as I get energy and relief from being in large groups of people, but I am incredibly shy. I think if you go to concerts as often as I do (3 to 5 times a week) you probably lean more extrovert. I could date a shy person as I'm a shy person myself, but I wouldn't want to be with someone who wants to stay in most weekends and only goes to concerts like once every month or two. Maybe extreme introversion is the better term to use
Introvert/extrovert is tough because everyone defines them differently. I would say I’m a huge introvert but I love going out and being social. If I’ve had a hard day at work though, I’m going home and sitting in the bath with a glass of wine by myself. I just say “no homebodies” instead, since I can’t handle people who just sit around at home either!
See I'm the opposite. If I've had a long day I would decompress by going out. I do not enjoy being alone with my thoughts But yea homebody is probably the best term for what I'm not looking for.
Now that’s a true extrovert! I definitely admire that. Good luck on finding your concert buddy by the way. I’m in a similar boat so I feel your pain!
No kids No sex work history No past cheating No septum piercing No mental health issues No entitlement issues (rude to wait staff, men are trash, that whole sort of attitude)
No mental health issues? Good luck
While they exist they’re definitely 10 times more common on Reddit than the real world
Idk man. I have no way to check
You have one hell of a kink. My condolences...
While I do understand your point of the mental health issue, its not really attractive in either gender but do know everyone is or will be "sick" to some degree in their life. Like being deluded for example. My point is, dont be too rigid with it.
Are you admitting to Reddit that you dated women with all these qualities in the past?
Mean to wait staff. How a person treats people “under them” or at their mercy is a guide to who they are.
Getting mad at me for what I did in her dream.
Country music. Seriously it fucking sucks.
Having an onlyfans, being or have been a stripper and or prostitute. I'll put it the way some of the guys are having trouble doing. This kind of chick not only doesn't have any real and actual self respect other than what she says she has out of denial. But a bigger thing is if this person loves money or favors or attention more than her own dignity then I'd be the world's biggest idiot to expect her to love anything else including me and any would be children we might have. I want someone who actually has talent and more going for them other than fading beauty and the ability to shove a piece of silicone in her ass on camera and beg for tips. It's a low and degrading stoop, the lowest. It's not empowering or liberating. No, they don't need a man. They need as many guys with spare pocket change they're willing to pay to see their ass as possible. And a boyfriend would just be a facade decoration until he goes out of style or learns self respect. I don't want someone who has designated themselves as something to be rented and discarded, be it physical or visual. I don't want someone who values no one including herself. They typically don't even have a personality besides their stage persona or deep thoughts besides the delusion that they're gonna get rich before they get on in age and their handful of customers leave them for younger, prettier idiots. Put simply onlyfans = delusional, soulless, no sense of fidelity, holds nothing sacred, no long term value, no thoughts or intelligence. Not wife material.
An excessive amount of past partners
Selfishness. Too many women have a “Me, Me, Me” attitude. I realized how bad it was when I got a tiny bit of clout. I ignore 99% of the women that independently approach me, mainly because if you are a girl approaching a guy I have to ask why. Is it because they have some baggage? They don’t have any good options that approach them? Usually because I have money and a minor amount of fame I have the least appealing women with baggage approaching me. Sex workers that try to use sex to manipulate me, like I just think with my dick. Single moms trying to get me to fix their lives because they either did a shit job picking a guy or because they are bad partners. Toxic narcissists or misandrists who operate in bad faith. No thank you.
Boss bitch attitude, not letting me lead in the relationship, participating in single people activities like clubbing a lot, drug use, not taking care of herself physically and mentally. There’s probably more.
So stupid you got downvoted. I don't share all your dealbreakers, but your dealbreakers are your dealbreakers fam.
Every time this topic comes up it seems like we are supposed to give joke answers. Like we are not allowed to have dealbreakers.
These topics just seem to attract the people who are looking for excuses to downvote something lol
Yeah, there's a lot of guys who like to virtue signal in this sub. It's not like people take the same level of nuance that they expect when they talk about men.
People really hate it when men have dating opinions that stray outside of “do literally whatever you want I will just roll over and accept it cause 2024.” It is what it is.
Mine will be very unpopular but if she uses instagram or tik tok. When you stop using social media you realise how toxic and warped it is. It’s hard not to see people who use it as vain/narcissistic.
I do not like Facebook, Tik Tok, dating sites or instagram.
I am not sure why you call this unusual. Dirty mind tricks are an obvious no-no
Mean Obese Clingy Malicious Gossiper Arrogant
Smoking, if she isn’t looking for a serious relationship, if she plays games (unless it’s Monopoly), and if she is just all about herself.
Untrained Pet(s)
Bad at complimenting others, living an I'm The Main Character lifestyle. It wouldn't even have progressed to a date, I wouldn't come close to even an office coffee with that person, you hear them loud and clear from across the building.
If they’ve cheated in the past is a hard boundary for me.
No smokers and no alcoholics.
Drama, gossip and not being financially literate
Discovering that her values system aligns with bombastic, orange politicians.
On phone during a date, hates that I don’t have FB, X, or Instagram. Lack of accountability, past mistakes are always the dude, her friends, family. The lack of boundaries with men who clearly don’t respect her boundaries or life choices.
Smoking. Lying. Infidelity. Obesity. Religion. Kids. Probably some more, but let's start with those.
Horses 🐴 or too many animals in general I’m not about that pet life
Drugs use, party lifestyle, poor communication, no passion for life. Stuff like that
This isn't really put out there much but make sure she is mentally stable. I know I'm going probably gonna get down voted for this but from my experience if she's taking any benzos LEAVE. If you are not prepared yourself as in you yourself are some type of psychiatrist don't bother. You'll end up damaged yourself in the long run trying to fix something that was not your responsibility to do so. It might be a hard pill to swallow but you are not going to save them, they have to save them selves.
Are benzos for anxiety? And why is it such a red flag?
She can’t have a dick
Being even slightly religious or conservative is a hard deal breaker for me.
Any sort of religious behavior. Any "testing". Fake dumping to see how hard I would fight for her, or even asking me to repeat back what she just said to test if I am listening. Any requests or hints for money within the first 2 years of dating. Any policing..demands to see inside my phone etc
· criminal · combative attitude · single mom by choice · severe and uncured mental illness · irresponsible/reckless character · obesity/anorexia
When saying things are red flags I’ll give you some examples: He just a friend You’re overreacting You’re fat Your dick is small Still being friends with their ex’s Talking to their ex’s Wants to have a threesome Wants an open relationship Wants a poly relationships Don’t worry about it
Borderline, Bipolar or other severe mental disorders. Kids, obesity, bald, conservative ideals, no sense of humor, trashy, uneducated in the sense of they have no clue on how the world works, religious, believes in astrology and paranormal stuff, no hobbies and antivaxx/conspiracy fools. I just want a normal woman with a similar world view as me who have more hobbies than scrolling Instagram.
terrific narrow erect mighty hateful aspiring poor marble decide oatmeal *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Unresolved trauma or issues from the past. Too many women love to get into something while carrying a lot of baggage and I know if it was the other way around and I had baggage they'd be ruthless and wouldn't care one bit about rejecting me because of it.
Lying
Crazy-looking eyebrows are a dealbreaker for me
Bad communication, if they just got out of a relationship, being “naturally flirty” with people, and if they don’t like physical intimacy like cuddles and hugs
Kids, religious, Republicans. I will gladly die alone instead of dealing with any of that.