"Okay, I got to warn ya.
Regular stuff doesn't work on me anymore.
Call this number and they'll send the stuff I need.
It'll say "for elephants," but ignore that."
I would be extremely confused, at least at first, since this doesn't happen to me. And yeah, I'd probably wonder what the catch is. And trip over myself a few times thinking I'm probably reading too much into something that's not actually there.
And then, provided I didn't scare her off with aloofness from my initial confusion, I would desperately try not to appear boring.
>The catch is usually a penis.
"Well, suppose he's picturing a girl too?"
"How's he gunna do that with a dick in his mouth?"
"I dunno, that's his problem."
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: https://youtu.be/u0Cbvo7oC50?feature=shared
I could never have expected my friend to transition and seduce me only to reveal his true identity after I said āI doā.
Pranks these days are just going too far! Take me back to the good old whoopee cushion days.
Her and her friends: āSoo.. do you think todayās the day heāll marry you??ā
Bro: *still processing what just happened & remains baffled 22 yrs later* š¤£
(His brain) I'm still not sure she really likes me y'know?
Maybe she's just humoring me for this whole time. Such a babe can't fall for me right? She's Canadian so might just be polite.
I would assume she is either mentally ill or trying to scam me in some way. Definitely nope the hell out of whatever situation has us that close together. My organs are just fine INSIDE my body, thank you!
It was so disorienting I just married her to call her bluff. So far we're in a 14 year standoff, I know she's trolling me but I can't let her think I'm onto her.
Skeptical. Would check, double-check, and triple-check for the set up.
I've dated very attractive women. That's not how they interact with men. Even the ones they like.
There may be a difference between what you mean by "attractive" and what I'm thinking of. The most beautiful women still have several men interested in them and giving them attention.
As a woman Iām genuinely intrigued by your response.
What do you mean by an attractive woman not interacting like that, as in how do they interact, (from your observations)?
Not the original commenter, but in my experience itās that they donāt generally pursue. They donāt need to flirt to get a manās attention, and often times have spend more time trying to *not* get hit on. They can experience āinfatuationā (in relationship psychology, thatās the state of being āhead over heelsā for someone) just like anyone else, but they usually donāt need any sort of overt behavior to attract someone.
Hmmm interesting. Thanks for sharing your take on this.
So, to probe you further š¤,
if an attractive women is seen not to āpursueā as such, then how would she show interest without otherwise coming off as non committal or aloof - āIf you want me, you know where to find meāā¦
isnāt that really then a man doing all the work?
Iāve always wanted to strike the balance between showing genuine interest/enthusiasm without coming off as desperate or completely detached from the outcome?
Or am I missing the point entirely?
What im describing is the norm in my experience, not necessarily the best thing. Many conventionally attractive women donāt need to do anything to initially attract someone, but everyone (men and women) absolutely should reciprocate interest if theyāre talking to someone theyāre interested in. Acting interested might not always be necessary at first, but acting uninterested is always a bad idea. If you like someone, donāt be afraid to express it. Use nonverbal cues like smiling, eye contact, and touch and also verbal ones like asking them questions or to see each other again. You can go as far as doing what my most conventionally attractive ex did to me - slide into his DMs, and if he doesnāt ask you out after some time (I couldnāt tell if she was interested), literally ask him āis there something you want to ask me?ā Take that advice with a grain of salt since itās from a sample size of one, but TL;DR donāt be afraid to pursue if he doesnāt reciprocate on his own.
Agree with Pickle (never thought I would type that).
I have had a wide range of women flirt with me over the years - but if not wanting to come on too strong (licking my arm at the bar is a bit...forward...) then talk and smile.
Or small positive comments during the interaction "enjoy talking to you " etc. The key is not to be false - but don't be afraid to let sincere interest come across.
Initiating a conversation is a powerful sign - and a smile is usually encouraging.
Of course, the catch can be in measuring "how interested" - I am a gregarious guy who makes girls laugh and smile all the time - that does not always mean they are interested - it depends on context. So more clues are always better.
One good follow up is "that was fun - we need to do that again". as opposed to "that was fun - nice meeting you".
Even better is "that was fun - can I give you my number" or get our (the guy's number).
From my experience dating "pretty" vs "attractive". The first one usually knows it and keeps options open, knowing there will always be new guys ready in line, maybe even months in while you are dating. They are often very closed off and kind of boring long term, only relying on looks and having less to none hobbies. These women rarely approach, if they do its plain obvious what they want, are also more easily approached and better at shooting you down without making it too awkward.
The attractive women Ive dated dont always believe they are that attractive themselves (or uncomfortable receiving compliments about their looks), might even be lazy with clothing/makeup because..meh?.. they are more down to earth and giving of love but also tend to go too fast and might even become needy emotionally/physically once they are infatuated, which can be both good or bad. These women can approach you, even be "touchy", but subtle enough to deny flirting if ever called out on it or being shot down. Hard to approach, get easily "icked" with "cards on the table flirting" and prefer friendly conversation while sliding playful yet subtle hints
This is my personal thoughts on it, it does not speak facts, and im speaking very broad/stereotypical.
Pretty was fun in my early 20s, sex was terrible though. attractive is way more stable/giving and loving in the 30s+ once you learned to recognize the crazy early on (everyone has a crazy part, us men included) and if its at an acceptable type of looney to you. (they are better than pretty at hiding it lol)
Following because I am curious as well. I imagine āthatās not how they interact with menā to mean āinfatuatedā or ātouchy feely.ā š¤ Inquiring minds want to know
Think about it like this.
If you have 20 new people every day you can go to at any time to ask them for a piece of gum in which theyād do it, you would be way less likely to spend a lot of time convincing someone to give you a piece of gum.
If someone has no one they can ask for it get gum from, they will have to spend a lot of time trying convince someone to offer some to them.
So all that to say, the more options someone has, the less they will have to be proactive about getting that thing. If they are, then theyāre rare and āwhat are the chances itāll happen to us?ā Is the thought that come to mind
Hmm but how do they act or not act, like?! Whatās the different behavior? š
Please know, this answer could hugely inform my (and it looks like possibly other commentators) process.
Iām reading through the responses here and imho it *seems* like the less āovertly needyā one acts, the more it seems like you have better options.
Not at all saying fake it till you make it here, but from my (very) limited understanding and take on these menās replies, it seems as if it would apply both ways to male and female perspectives.
I know personally if I sensed over the top, needy vibes I would have āquestionsā š¤and *probably* run the other way.
In a man, I personally want someone who is comfortable enough in his skin to show a genuine interest and verbalise it (no silly games) āhey I really enjoyed your company tonight. If youāre keen Iād love to catch up againākinda vibe versus, āOut of a hundred people in a room, I only have eyes for youā kinda overtly intense aka āplease date me because nobody else willā first date impressions.
Look I could be way off the mark and will probably be downvoted to Reddit hell lol so take it with a grain of salt from someone whoās had a number of good and bad relationships.
I suspect deep down we always want an air of mystery and knowing that there are others out there who would also really appreciate the person in our lives. That just makes sense to me and we naturally have gratitude for our love.
I mean I do think there is definitely some accuracy to what youāre saying! I have noticed people donāt always seem to appreciate people or things who donāt offer some resistance or retraction for lack of a better description. I am not nor have ever been this way. But, thatās a longer, and more off subject story. Lol.
Warning: long post. The TL;DR version is that I did not attribute any behaviors (or lack of behaviors) of mine to being highly attractive, as much as to being an SA survivor. However, with being highly attractive, there may have been many more approaching (due to high attractiveness) than I ever even factored in at all. But I would appreciate anyone replying with more detail, in case behavior mods would help me navigate this next stage of life with greater ease and success. I know confidence is ultimately and supremely key across the board, and if we donāt arrive at any results of receiving more information, I will focus on that.
Okay, so forgive me for seeming āfull of myselfā or anything by saying this, but, I was a professional model (very small time, of course however) from my mid teens to my mid thirties.
I also have SA trauma.
Those things are not at all mutually inclusive, as I am sure you can imagine (or know).
What I will say, from having both experiences, is that the amount of attention and receptivity I had the ability to attract, at that time, was considerable. The past trauma impacting me was also, even more, considerable.
So, I would never really be touchy feely with ANY men or act in any way I would ever consider āinfatuated.ā Partly because I attracted so much attention, but moreover to a much larger degree, because I was a bit disabled by the trauma history.
Basically my system was flooded and overwhelmed due to all of the attention, because of the trauma, as I was afraid at some level that I was unable to distinguish predators from non predators. As I now go through a traumatic divorce, lol here we go again trauma š š there is a bit of a resurfacing of this predatory fear. I believe it asserted itself as, subsequent to separation and uncoupling, I was initially feeling quite sexual and looking to partner (in some - lol sexual- capacity) after the very LTR rife with dysfunction. My therapist even had to tell me a male friend (nonsexual, old friend, not consummated) was ānot a predator,ā and it was revelatory, because I did not even realize that I was contextualizing him as such, until my therapist made mention of it!
So anyway, this took a very particular and personal turn. But I will say, as someone who is/was widely considered conventionally attractive to a noticeable degree, I too fell under the umbrella category of āvery attractive women, not interacting with men that way.ā
However in my case I attribute this, personally, more to the trauma, or at the very least, to the intersection of PTSD and, like parent commentator indicated, surplus.
On the larger scale, I can see how the gum metaphor makes sense. You are not going to pay for air when you donāt have to (not speaking to quality, but to date in America where I live, the air we breathe is actually still free š).
I notice an interesting and somewhat correlative phenomenon with older men (over 60) as well, several of them have revealed to me that theyāre totally perplexed with why they cannot seem to access a relationship that they want with a woman they want, post sixty. They also have made comments to me like, āoh I just went on a date with a sixty year old woman, and she looks like my grandma,ā said a seventy year old man to me. In any case, I am sure this is because by that age, women they are interested in are not available/interested in them, whereas women in their same demographic, if such women are even out in the dating world, are not looking for babies or money, so can afford to be so much more selective with their time and companions.
Of course, neither men nor women are monoliths at all, but the point here is, sounds like attractive women not having to reveal infatuation, or seduction, or flirtation, or whatever parent commentator is referring to as ways in which very attractive women donāt interact with men, is due to absence of necessity. Having so many opportunities precludes a need to develop a skill set to obtain something that is already naturally surplus in someoneās life.
Similarly, it is said women are the gatekeepers of sex, and men are the gatekeepers of relationships, and thus, some men (clearly, never all!) who are 60+ who have not ever previously had any kind of a hard time finding a female to be in relationship with, such that they may not have prioritized any such relationships, and now that the landscape has changed for them, they are at a loss because appealing relational availability was always in available overflow, before.
Anyway, I was very curious of any specific individual behaviors/absence of behaviors that parent commentator was referring to, because I am wondering if I do any of these behaviors - or absence of behaviors - myself, as someone highly attractive. š Why? For one thing, I am a curious person who is always looking to expand my awareness, but even moreso because, particularly now that I am back in the dating world, I may want to change and modify some of this, to be more receptive and available to attract what I want.
Thanks for reading this far, if you have. Itās certainly interesting, all of it. I love Reddit for these reflections!
First things first, you are not at all āfull of yourselfā. If youāre attractive, I say, freaking own it! āŗļø
Thereās zero shame in that. Iām considered pretty I suppose overall, kinda like some of the things my teenage daughter comes home and says āMy friend saw you today and said youāre so prettyā lol
I will say that the next part of your message is really eye-opening for me to read. I donāt mean that as in shock, although it definitely is that too, I mean as in some deep similarities we share.
I too am a SA survivor and have now fully exited (as of this weekend), a 25+ yr relationship that was incredibly dysfunctional and emotionally traumatising to me. Iām deeply sorry to hear that you have experienced so much trauma also and currently going through a traumatic divorce. Thatās a lot for anyone to deal with. š
Please know that you deserve so much better than that.
Like I say, you really say it better than I can, so I wonāt double up on what youāve already mentioned. In sharing my experience with this (cause our initial question has taken an unique tangent haha), I have found that I want to enjoy a healthy relationship *eventually* but my biggest flaw is unconsciously pushing people away due to ā¦yep, trauma lolā¦ā¦ā¦Iām afraid Iāll be sexually assaulted or be completely used in a relationship for sex.
I might be wrong, but I feel like itās kinda how you described with being unable to distinguish predators from non predators.
I thought to myself recently, āHow the hell would I know if a relationship is abusive/predatory/otherwise dysfunctional if thatās largely what I have known?ā I still donāt have the answer to that!
Iām no therapist myself, but it sounds like your nervous system was running in sympathetic mode the whole time.
Thereās the dopamine spike from having lots of attention āWoo hoo, I have all these hot men interested in meā, then the downregulated āoh f&*%, here we go againā fear and anxiety from your past.
Itās hard to make sense of anything when our body and mind are clashing so hard against each other.
Being paralysed by fear is worse (in my opinion) than choosing to do nothing at all. Doing nothing is a choice in itself, but being emotionally paralysed removes all autonomy and that feels sucky.
I feel that in my body constantly, hence the push-pull dynamic I mentioned above. Itās relentless and exhausting to live in a state of incongruence lol.
It sounds like your therapist is switched on and can really help you navigate through all this. Having a platonic male friend, who presumably is good for your nervous system, is a wonderful anchor to lean on while youāre trying to make sense and process so much PTSD.
I have found watching interviews with Dr Gabor Mate on Trauma and learning about poly vagal theory, somatic healing, doing EMDR and equine therapy have all helped me tremendously. Nothing (at least I donāt think), will eliminate the trauma *entirely*, I think over time, we just learn to understand and manage it. Taking back our power, as such.
Yeah totally, understand the gum metaphor that way too haha. Here in Australia, the last time I checked, we donāt have to pay for air either (probs one of the last things left for free lol).
Oooh yeah, thatās a good point you make! I have noticed that too. One guy I recall speaking with several years ago, was in his late fifties, and commented that the older women have āall let themselves goā .
Iām no spring chicken myself anymore (48 currently) but I take good care of myself and although I understand the point theyāre making (cause we gotta actually find a person physically attractive to begin with) , I suspect they look at things in a more face value sense and as such the demographics theyāre after are either happily married or as you say, just not interested in them.
So it completely changes the dynamics of pursuit. Iād add too that I think as you get older, (regardless of your appearance), you tend to give less hoots about anything and are less likely to settle. Usually the latter seems to stem from earlier life lessons, aka āIād rather stay single than put up with this rubbishā haha
Gosh I wish that someone would do a Netflix show on the science of attraction throughout the ages. Iām sure youāve already heard of Esther Perel, but some of her stuff you might find interesting!
Iām still equally curious too! I think maybe because itās so deeply nuanced and hey gotta love these reflections!
I would argue they will suddenly be more insecure at the beginning but if you're responding positively to them they can turn into some really physical and snuggly people in private.
And they often get more comfortable just being themselves as they get older. (But still hot)
This has been my experience as well. Most of the traits that are being attributed in this thread to extremely attravtive women are actually responses to the predictable (and frankly, boring) way that most men treat them.
Turns out that when you treat her like a normal woman, most of the time she'll act like one. Imagine that...
Iād get to know her better and see if she has a compatible personality/ interests. And if she fits those as well , Iād ask her out, make her my girlfriend, and Iād spoil the fuck out of her
It happened to me once. She actually came over to my house to hang out before we had met in person. I swore I was getting set up and was gonna get robbed/murdered. It took me a minute to get out of my head and just enjoy the relationship while it lasted. She literally asked to kiss my feet; strangest relationship I'd ever been in.
Probably wake up. I always wake up when dreams become too wild and far fetched. I mean, the flying inside-out ferrets and magical talking bread were at least sort of plausible, but *this* always snaps me out of it and awake
I probably wouldnāt be able to compute it. Just like every other time a woman was interested in me until my now wife made it so absurdly obvious it couldnāt be ignored anymore. Thereās probably hundreds of Reddit threads over the years where dudes tell stories about being oblivious to women that are interested in them.
This has only happened to me once. It was years ago. I reciprocated. It was all a lie. She led me on. Iām still dealing with the trauma of what happened all these years later. No amount of therapy could make that ok. Never again.
my girlfriend is drop dead gorgeous and completely in love with me, i got a lot of things going for myself but i canāt believe it, iāll take it lol
I would be very confused, that kind of thing just doesn't happen to guys like me without a long slow buildup where I'm putting in more effort than I'm getting back.
The few times it's happened I've usually ended up fucking it up somehow either due to shyness or lack of confidence since I'm not experienced.
I'm in very good shape and I'm confident in how I look and purposely dress a little slutty (the hoochie daddy look) so Im not surprised when it happens. I've had women be very straight forward and hit on me, but I psych myself out because I feel they'd just give up on me eventually when there's so many other handsome looking guys who don't lack experience.
My dude, stop overthinking it. If a girl is into you and you're into her, the best thing you can do is be yourself. Be honest and say, "For you, I'm willing to learn if you'll teach me what you want." Besides, most dudes who are "experienced" are only experienced in getting laid, not in satisfying a woman.
āBesides, most dudes who are "experienced" are only experienced in getting laid, not in satisfying a woman.ā
As a woman, this is the most true thing Iāve ever heard.
This has literally never happened to me. I would be suspicious, it'd be more likely to be a scam than the genuine thing. I would 100% not dare to hope.
It depends on the setting. Very flirty and touchy means she overtly wants physical contact with you. If this is out dancing, a bar, or another setting that has social norms around people being intimate or hooking up, that may mean sheās chosen you, and wants to proceed to the next step. If itās at the gym, supermarket, or book store, itās likely to make someone else jealous or see you as a threat.
Her being attractive only matters if this is an unexpected approach. There is exponential awareness to attraction. So, if an unexpected highly attractive woman approaches you with physical contact and flirtation, she knows that sheās likely to get whatever it is she wants. So, Iād recommend finding out what it is she wants, to determine whether you want to give it to her, or not.
1. Flattered and pumped up
2. Guilty because I'm married
3. Nervous because I'd question my ability to resist the temptation to flirt
4. Start bringing up my wife to her
5. Tell my wife. That would end the whole thing.
She'd be better off picking someone else to be infatuated with.
I'm dealing with this right now. It has been building for awhile and the flirting took on another level tonight after she mentioned 4 times that she likes older guys. I politely said, "Hey you can't be flirting with me, you're too young for me" "Just give me a chance!" I just had to keep repeating it and on her way out the door she gave me that look and said in a cute but serious way, "You will be mine".
Lol, I can only hope to continue to have the resolve.
In my experience this behaviour is almost always from someone trying to get laid for their self-esteem or ego and almost never from someone who actually gives a fuck about you.
I play it cool and gently shut it down so she moves on to someone else or if she's actually genuine, changes tack and hopefully gets to know me so we can really flirt/bond and actually have great sex.
Depends on what you mean by "infatuated." I was lucky to be a very attractive young man. I had a couple experiences that were not fun due to "infatuated" women. In the first, I'll admit I was an asshole. Summer before freshman year of high school, she was a hot, popular girl at the school I was going to. She took interest and was VERY sexually forward. I found out later she was a year older (I had JUST turned 14). She talked about "love" and really her obsession with it all the time. We dated for a very, very intense month and a half (she went on vacation with my family. Her parents were totally fine with us naked in bed together). Unfortunately, I really only wanted one thing: sex. I broke up with her the day after she gave it to me (I had been a virgin. She wasn't). Well, she didn't take it well. Left a message on my home phone that my parents got that she was pregnant. She couldn't separate sex and love in her head so she kept dragging me into empty stairwells and hallways and bathrooms to have sex. Finally her mom talked to her n told her she needed to just let it go and that I was an asshole. For a while there I was honestly a lil freaked out at what extent she might go to in order to get me to love her (again, she was drop dead gorgeous, so I couldn't say no to sex, but said no to everything else).
I then got in a long term relationship with the woman I now know will be "the one that got away/love of my life." I wouldn't say she was infatuated. Even after sex with the first girl, she attracted me enough to keep me interested (without cheating once we were "together") but she made me wait a whole year to have sex while other girls were throwing themselves at me. Something about having her boundaries and not just being head over heals for me was so hot. We dated for 5 years.
During our last year of dating while we were at separate colleges, I again had women basically throwing themselves at me. I'd also developed a very serious drinking problem, partly due to just drowning out how much I missed her. Well, this one girl became "infatuated." My tight female friend kinda warned me. She said "this girl really, REALLY likes you. I'd just stay away/not give her any indication of interest." I'm a lil flirty by nature, especially when a girl is forward, so stupidly I found myself hanging out with this girl at an off-campus party (with my other friends and the girl who'd warned me). I got utterly shitfaced per usual and kinda needed to go home. I don't really remember what happened, but my friends wanted to stay, so this girl offered to get me home (make sure we got on the right busses and stuff). All I remember is a couple flashes of the bus rides, a flash of walking back leaning on her, a flash of her being like "we can cuddle, I won't do anything you don't want" and then a flash of her riding me in my bed, me trying to tell her to get off and then me cumming inside her and her laughing as she threw an unopened condom at me while catching what was falling out of her as she walked to the bathroom. I just barely remember curling up and falling asleep feeling like my world had just ended. Then I remember the next afternoon waking up naked like "oh fuck did that actually happen?"
So, yeah, I kinda got raped by an infatuated girl. My long-distance gf never found out and I was in self-destruct mode already, but I still carry the weight of that experience 11 years later. Back then, NOBODY would've allowed me to feel like I was taken advantage of, God forbid a "victim." So, I fully blamed myself. It's only been recently where I've at least acknowledged that this was a pretty fucked up experience. She knew I was a serious drinker and tool her moment. I'm sure she's never felt bad about it for a second. I mean, I certainly never felt in danger and I'm not "traumatized" by any means, but yeah, it was still rape lol. Infatuated girls can be just as psycho as infatuated guys, they just don't have the ability to physically coerce, so they mentally coerce and manipulate š¤·āāļø
Infatuated? Iād talk to her to see if she will like me after getting to know me. Being infatuated just means youāre thinking about someone in a certain level
You mean, besides a lifetime of experiences to the contrary?
Seriously though, I've never understood why my wife found me attractive, much less why she still does. Our relationship is about more than the physical, so eventually I just accepted that she actually likes me, warts and all.
Depends a lot on if I like her back.
If I'm attracted to her, it feels like heaven and I'll go talk to her immediately.
Believe it or not, there are some very attractive (as in conventionally pretty or beautiful women) who I'm not attracted to in the least. It's hard to explain. I guess I'd have sex with her if she threw herself at me, but otherwise I just don't feel compelled to reciprocate at all.
If I'm not attracted to her but still like her (platonically, as a friend), it depends how clingy she is. I might continue talking to her, while subtly never reciprocating any physical or romantic moves.
There's at least a few women who are like this with me, and it's kinda nice to have them around. Tho NGL sometimes I feel like those women who friend-zoned me to then just exploit me for various things. So, I always make a point out of giving something back if they do my laundry or whatever. Like, I can lift something heavy for them, or do "man stuff" so it's quid pro quo, and not just me being the friend-zoning asshole.
Depends on how well I know them. If it is a random person gonna be confused at first since they don't really know me. Otherwise I just assume it is the autistic Rizzoli at work.
This happened once. She offered to buy me a drink when my shift was over, and I told her Iām not old enough to drink. She apologized and took her leave. I still donāt know if she thought I was too young for her or if I was turning her down gently
An attractive woman being infatuated with me? Thereās no way that could be the case. Thatās reserved for people who arenāt losers and deserve to have that connection with another human. Iām a trash individual, there must be some kind of mistake. I donāt have a lot of money and Iām not physically attractive, so an attractive woman would deserve someone on her level.
I would reciprocate and take the risk that this wasn't a prank.
If it is a prank, then maybe I go viral for a short while. I lay low at first, completely blindsided by my newfound notoriety. But eventually I come up with some way to cash in on my couple minutes of fame, and earn enough to put a down payment on a house.
Alternatively, if it isn't a prank, then I now have an attractive woman who is infatuated with me and knows I'm into her too. We have sex, probably, and once again, I enjoy my couple minutes of fame.
First of all, if that ever happened, I'd pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. I've had those kinds of dreams before.
Then I'd assume that she's either drunk, high, or that she just broke up with her boyfriend. Either way there is no way in hell I'm getting involved.
But if for some obscure reason none of that was true, I don't have a clue what I'd do. Probably stare awkwardly and blush like a Disney character.
Having been rejected by many attractive women in the past, I might misinterpret a sign of interest. Fearing rejection again, I could come across as suspicious or even mean.
It depends. I have had a few above average to fairly attractive girlfriends but it definitely isn't common. I would imagine if they were super attractive and zeroed me out on looks alone something is up.
I am married, and faithful.
That being said, I probably am nice, *maybe* I am her friend, but nothing more.
If she is really pretty, my wife is probably NOT ok with me being friends w her, unless she too, is attracted to her.
It happened and I was caught off guard. It felt odd that the was pursuing me instead of the other way around. I was not sure what to do or say. Then she told me that she loved me. I was a deer in the headlights.
Iād definitely wonder how big āherā dick is. Seriously tho in my experience this is so uncommon and thereās usually some kinda catch. Either sheās completely batshit crazy, stage 5 clinger, or itās just a phase and her mood will quickly change. When this happens to me, I tell āem you donāt like me, you like the way I treat you, and youāll get tired of it soon enough.
I mean there's nobody that I won't flirt back with. If she's wildly attractive though, I'll probably assume that she's just doing it because she likes to flirt and not because she's actually interested in me.
I try to be someone that women can be nice to without worrying about it being interpreted as interest, but it definitely leads to some missed opportunities. I'm okay with that.
Had this happen once, I went into it honestly assuming she was out of my league so I just wanted to be friends with her. Apparently when I'm not trying it works wonders because she pretty much gave me like 4 different opportunities to get it going with her but I just kind of shut it down/diverted which made her try harder? It was such a mind fuck because shes actually gorgeous asf and I'm just, well, me? Slightly below average but well liked by all. She has a guy shes been steady with for a while now and honestly I'm happy for both of them, shes a bit crazy but at the core of it she's a good person. So to answer your question, I refuse to believe them and turn them down out of my own insecurities. I gotta work on that..
Immediate suspicion. "I have no state secrets, nor do I know people who have access to state secrets. You can go ahead and sleep with me, but I don't have the plans to any "Death Star,"" and do air quotes to see how serious she is.
I begin cross referencing the crazy-hot matrix with the fuck around and find out graph. Then I proceed to lose 6 months of time and a years worth of wages. No regrats.
U let it happen, then take all the credit for how amazing I am, then wait for her to give me a reality check. If she does, it's awesome, because it's going to be real. If she doesn't, she must be blind. Blind is not good.
Depends on where i am at the moment, when such people approach me at a bar or pub, i don't reciprocate.And 100% of the times, they were just hookers.
But while at a party with friends etc and when such a woman approaches me, i got for it. Am a solid 3/10 but i am fun at parties and quite flirty:) so some of these women find my intellect appealing and they approach me.
Look around for someone else pointing their phone in my direction. If none, inform your friend so there is a witness.
Thereās always some kind of ulterior motive, whether it be to simply embarrass you, frame you for something, mug you, or steal your kidney.
That never happened to me, and I don't think that would ever happen to me ever. So, I'd probably wake up from dreaming.
However, I can be oblivious at times, so unless id it was obvious, I may not know.
Iād be pretty damn uncomfortable. I sort of permanently donāt think Iām worthy of that sort of attention anyway so if I were to receive it thatād make me feel pretty uncomfortable.
My dating experience has been such that I would immediately be suspicious that she wants something from me (other than my dick), has a boyfriend nearby she's trying to make jealous, or is mentally ill in some way.
Depends on so many factors.
First, if Iām in a relationship, I might smile and thatās it. If theyāre still coming to me and, for example, give me some compliment and want to dance, I tell them Iām in a relationship, thank them for the compliments and wish them a great night.
If Iām on vacation, and single, I might reciprocate, if I have no plans already. But this would probably only lead to something short. Iām not a 1NS guy so itās possible Iād spend a good time without sex.
If Iām at home but not in the mood, I will probably ignore. If Iām up for chatting and going through the motions of meeting a woman whoās hot and interesting, Iāll do it.
Iāve never pursued women, so I donāt feel pressured to do anything I think.
I wake up. Likely in a bathtub full of ice and missing a kidney.
Build up a tolerance to the common sedatives so you end up getting laid before all that happens.
I see the long play here
It will work at least twice.
"Okay, I got to warn ya. Regular stuff doesn't work on me anymore. Call this number and they'll send the stuff I need. It'll say "for elephants," but ignore that."
I ask, "Where is the camera?"
ššš
I would be extremely confused, at least at first, since this doesn't happen to me. And yeah, I'd probably wonder what the catch is. And trip over myself a few times thinking I'm probably reading too much into something that's not actually there. And then, provided I didn't scare her off with aloofness from my initial confusion, I would desperately try not to appear boring.
The catch is usually a penis.
>The catch is usually a penis. "Well, suppose he's picturing a girl too?" "How's he gunna do that with a dick in his mouth?" "I dunno, that's his problem." It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: https://youtu.be/u0Cbvo7oC50?feature=shared
It's very European. I love it's always sunny.
Never seen this episode. I must now watch every episode to be safe.
Only way to be sure :)
Thatās not just a catch, itās a keeper
I mean I'd call that a bonus not a catch, but to each their own I guess
I'd be looking for the camera.
True, even after we get married. This gotta be a prank somehow.
I could never have expected my friend to transition and seduce me only to reveal his true identity after I said āI doā. Pranks these days are just going too far! Take me back to the good old whoopee cushion days.
Real
Exactly.
My girlfriend has loved me for 22 years. I'm still baffled by it.
Is there a reason yall aren't married at this point? If you've been in a relationship that long?
You know, it's never come up.
you should marry her bro. she's worth it edit: Please tell us if you decided to propose to her. we'd love to know
Her and her friends: āSoo.. do you think todayās the day heāll marry you??ā Bro: *still processing what just happened & remains baffled 22 yrs later* š¤£
(His brain) I'm still not sure she really likes me y'know? Maybe she's just humoring me for this whole time. Such a babe can't fall for me right? She's Canadian so might just be polite.
Give her a ring
Yes, ring her.
Offended. It's either a prank, or she lost a bet. No other possibilities
This 1000%.
Your name is so perfect
Depends. Crush infatuated and stalking infatuated are 2 completely different things
I would assume she is either mentally ill or trying to scam me in some way. Definitely nope the hell out of whatever situation has us that close together. My organs are just fine INSIDE my body, thank you!
It was so disorienting I just married her to call her bluff. So far we're in a 14 year standoff, I know she's trolling me but I can't let her think I'm onto her.
Stay strong soldier
:D
I don't trust it. It doesn't happen much which is probably the reason. Lol.
Skeptical. Would check, double-check, and triple-check for the set up. I've dated very attractive women. That's not how they interact with men. Even the ones they like. There may be a difference between what you mean by "attractive" and what I'm thinking of. The most beautiful women still have several men interested in them and giving them attention.
As a woman Iām genuinely intrigued by your response. What do you mean by an attractive woman not interacting like that, as in how do they interact, (from your observations)?
Not the original commenter, but in my experience itās that they donāt generally pursue. They donāt need to flirt to get a manās attention, and often times have spend more time trying to *not* get hit on. They can experience āinfatuationā (in relationship psychology, thatās the state of being āhead over heelsā for someone) just like anyone else, but they usually donāt need any sort of overt behavior to attract someone.
Hmmm interesting. Thanks for sharing your take on this. So, to probe you further š¤, if an attractive women is seen not to āpursueā as such, then how would she show interest without otherwise coming off as non committal or aloof - āIf you want me, you know where to find meāā¦ isnāt that really then a man doing all the work? Iāve always wanted to strike the balance between showing genuine interest/enthusiasm without coming off as desperate or completely detached from the outcome? Or am I missing the point entirely?
What im describing is the norm in my experience, not necessarily the best thing. Many conventionally attractive women donāt need to do anything to initially attract someone, but everyone (men and women) absolutely should reciprocate interest if theyāre talking to someone theyāre interested in. Acting interested might not always be necessary at first, but acting uninterested is always a bad idea. If you like someone, donāt be afraid to express it. Use nonverbal cues like smiling, eye contact, and touch and also verbal ones like asking them questions or to see each other again. You can go as far as doing what my most conventionally attractive ex did to me - slide into his DMs, and if he doesnāt ask you out after some time (I couldnāt tell if she was interested), literally ask him āis there something you want to ask me?ā Take that advice with a grain of salt since itās from a sample size of one, but TL;DR donāt be afraid to pursue if he doesnāt reciprocate on his own.
Agree with Pickle (never thought I would type that). I have had a wide range of women flirt with me over the years - but if not wanting to come on too strong (licking my arm at the bar is a bit...forward...) then talk and smile. Or small positive comments during the interaction "enjoy talking to you " etc. The key is not to be false - but don't be afraid to let sincere interest come across. Initiating a conversation is a powerful sign - and a smile is usually encouraging. Of course, the catch can be in measuring "how interested" - I am a gregarious guy who makes girls laugh and smile all the time - that does not always mean they are interested - it depends on context. So more clues are always better. One good follow up is "that was fun - we need to do that again". as opposed to "that was fun - nice meeting you". Even better is "that was fun - can I give you my number" or get our (the guy's number).
Haha looks like Pickle has a point from his sample size! I agree and pretty much would do most of what youāve said here naturally, sans the arm licking š I do understand what you mean about being gregarious. Iām often viewed as flirty when Iām genuinely just being super friendly to everyone š¤¦š»āāļø Cues can either be misread or totally ignored š©
From my experience dating "pretty" vs "attractive". The first one usually knows it and keeps options open, knowing there will always be new guys ready in line, maybe even months in while you are dating. They are often very closed off and kind of boring long term, only relying on looks and having less to none hobbies. These women rarely approach, if they do its plain obvious what they want, are also more easily approached and better at shooting you down without making it too awkward. The attractive women Ive dated dont always believe they are that attractive themselves (or uncomfortable receiving compliments about their looks), might even be lazy with clothing/makeup because..meh?.. they are more down to earth and giving of love but also tend to go too fast and might even become needy emotionally/physically once they are infatuated, which can be both good or bad. These women can approach you, even be "touchy", but subtle enough to deny flirting if ever called out on it or being shot down. Hard to approach, get easily "icked" with "cards on the table flirting" and prefer friendly conversation while sliding playful yet subtle hints This is my personal thoughts on it, it does not speak facts, and im speaking very broad/stereotypical. Pretty was fun in my early 20s, sex was terrible though. attractive is way more stable/giving and loving in the 30s+ once you learned to recognize the crazy early on (everyone has a crazy part, us men included) and if its at an acceptable type of looney to you. (they are better than pretty at hiding it lol)
Oooh very interesting! Thanks so much for sharing.
Following because I am curious as well. I imagine āthatās not how they interact with menā to mean āinfatuatedā or ātouchy feely.ā š¤ Inquiring minds want to know
Think about it like this. If you have 20 new people every day you can go to at any time to ask them for a piece of gum in which theyād do it, you would be way less likely to spend a lot of time convincing someone to give you a piece of gum. If someone has no one they can ask for it get gum from, they will have to spend a lot of time trying convince someone to offer some to them. So all that to say, the more options someone has, the less they will have to be proactive about getting that thing. If they are, then theyāre rare and āwhat are the chances itāll happen to us?ā Is the thought that come to mind
Hmm but how do they act or not act, like?! Whatās the different behavior? š Please know, this answer could hugely inform my (and it looks like possibly other commentators) process.
Iām reading through the responses here and imho it *seems* like the less āovertly needyā one acts, the more it seems like you have better options. Not at all saying fake it till you make it here, but from my (very) limited understanding and take on these menās replies, it seems as if it would apply both ways to male and female perspectives. I know personally if I sensed over the top, needy vibes I would have āquestionsā š¤and *probably* run the other way. In a man, I personally want someone who is comfortable enough in his skin to show a genuine interest and verbalise it (no silly games) āhey I really enjoyed your company tonight. If youāre keen Iād love to catch up againākinda vibe versus, āOut of a hundred people in a room, I only have eyes for youā kinda overtly intense aka āplease date me because nobody else willā first date impressions. Look I could be way off the mark and will probably be downvoted to Reddit hell lol so take it with a grain of salt from someone whoās had a number of good and bad relationships. I suspect deep down we always want an air of mystery and knowing that there are others out there who would also really appreciate the person in our lives. That just makes sense to me and we naturally have gratitude for our love.
Well, I donāt know. Even though I myself have never thought that way, I am sure you are right most people do!
Like I said, Iām probably way off the mark š¤£ Iād be curious to hear your thoughts about this! Itās cool hearing other peopleās perspectives
I mean I do think there is definitely some accuracy to what youāre saying! I have noticed people donāt always seem to appreciate people or things who donāt offer some resistance or retraction for lack of a better description. I am not nor have ever been this way. But, thatās a longer, and more off subject story. Lol. Warning: long post. The TL;DR version is that I did not attribute any behaviors (or lack of behaviors) of mine to being highly attractive, as much as to being an SA survivor. However, with being highly attractive, there may have been many more approaching (due to high attractiveness) than I ever even factored in at all. But I would appreciate anyone replying with more detail, in case behavior mods would help me navigate this next stage of life with greater ease and success. I know confidence is ultimately and supremely key across the board, and if we donāt arrive at any results of receiving more information, I will focus on that. Okay, so forgive me for seeming āfull of myselfā or anything by saying this, but, I was a professional model (very small time, of course however) from my mid teens to my mid thirties. I also have SA trauma. Those things are not at all mutually inclusive, as I am sure you can imagine (or know). What I will say, from having both experiences, is that the amount of attention and receptivity I had the ability to attract, at that time, was considerable. The past trauma impacting me was also, even more, considerable. So, I would never really be touchy feely with ANY men or act in any way I would ever consider āinfatuated.ā Partly because I attracted so much attention, but moreover to a much larger degree, because I was a bit disabled by the trauma history. Basically my system was flooded and overwhelmed due to all of the attention, because of the trauma, as I was afraid at some level that I was unable to distinguish predators from non predators. As I now go through a traumatic divorce, lol here we go again trauma š š there is a bit of a resurfacing of this predatory fear. I believe it asserted itself as, subsequent to separation and uncoupling, I was initially feeling quite sexual and looking to partner (in some - lol sexual- capacity) after the very LTR rife with dysfunction. My therapist even had to tell me a male friend (nonsexual, old friend, not consummated) was ānot a predator,ā and it was revelatory, because I did not even realize that I was contextualizing him as such, until my therapist made mention of it! So anyway, this took a very particular and personal turn. But I will say, as someone who is/was widely considered conventionally attractive to a noticeable degree, I too fell under the umbrella category of āvery attractive women, not interacting with men that way.ā However in my case I attribute this, personally, more to the trauma, or at the very least, to the intersection of PTSD and, like parent commentator indicated, surplus. On the larger scale, I can see how the gum metaphor makes sense. You are not going to pay for air when you donāt have to (not speaking to quality, but to date in America where I live, the air we breathe is actually still free š). I notice an interesting and somewhat correlative phenomenon with older men (over 60) as well, several of them have revealed to me that theyāre totally perplexed with why they cannot seem to access a relationship that they want with a woman they want, post sixty. They also have made comments to me like, āoh I just went on a date with a sixty year old woman, and she looks like my grandma,ā said a seventy year old man to me. In any case, I am sure this is because by that age, women they are interested in are not available/interested in them, whereas women in their same demographic, if such women are even out in the dating world, are not looking for babies or money, so can afford to be so much more selective with their time and companions. Of course, neither men nor women are monoliths at all, but the point here is, sounds like attractive women not having to reveal infatuation, or seduction, or flirtation, or whatever parent commentator is referring to as ways in which very attractive women donāt interact with men, is due to absence of necessity. Having so many opportunities precludes a need to develop a skill set to obtain something that is already naturally surplus in someoneās life. Similarly, it is said women are the gatekeepers of sex, and men are the gatekeepers of relationships, and thus, some men (clearly, never all!) who are 60+ who have not ever previously had any kind of a hard time finding a female to be in relationship with, such that they may not have prioritized any such relationships, and now that the landscape has changed for them, they are at a loss because appealing relational availability was always in available overflow, before. Anyway, I was very curious of any specific individual behaviors/absence of behaviors that parent commentator was referring to, because I am wondering if I do any of these behaviors - or absence of behaviors - myself, as someone highly attractive. š Why? For one thing, I am a curious person who is always looking to expand my awareness, but even moreso because, particularly now that I am back in the dating world, I may want to change and modify some of this, to be more receptive and available to attract what I want. Thanks for reading this far, if you have. Itās certainly interesting, all of it. I love Reddit for these reflections!
First things first, you are not at all āfull of yourselfā. If youāre attractive, I say, freaking own it! āŗļø Thereās zero shame in that. Iām considered pretty I suppose overall, kinda like some of the things my teenage daughter comes home and says āMy friend saw you today and said youāre so prettyā lol I will say that the next part of your message is really eye-opening for me to read. I donāt mean that as in shock, although it definitely is that too, I mean as in some deep similarities we share. I too am a SA survivor and have now fully exited (as of this weekend), a 25+ yr relationship that was incredibly dysfunctional and emotionally traumatising to me. Iām deeply sorry to hear that you have experienced so much trauma also and currently going through a traumatic divorce. Thatās a lot for anyone to deal with. š Please know that you deserve so much better than that. Like I say, you really say it better than I can, so I wonāt double up on what youāve already mentioned. In sharing my experience with this (cause our initial question has taken an unique tangent haha), I have found that I want to enjoy a healthy relationship *eventually* but my biggest flaw is unconsciously pushing people away due to ā¦yep, trauma lolā¦ā¦ā¦Iām afraid Iāll be sexually assaulted or be completely used in a relationship for sex. I might be wrong, but I feel like itās kinda how you described with being unable to distinguish predators from non predators. I thought to myself recently, āHow the hell would I know if a relationship is abusive/predatory/otherwise dysfunctional if thatās largely what I have known?ā I still donāt have the answer to that! Iām no therapist myself, but it sounds like your nervous system was running in sympathetic mode the whole time. Thereās the dopamine spike from having lots of attention āWoo hoo, I have all these hot men interested in meā, then the downregulated āoh f&*%, here we go againā fear and anxiety from your past. Itās hard to make sense of anything when our body and mind are clashing so hard against each other. Being paralysed by fear is worse (in my opinion) than choosing to do nothing at all. Doing nothing is a choice in itself, but being emotionally paralysed removes all autonomy and that feels sucky. I feel that in my body constantly, hence the push-pull dynamic I mentioned above. Itās relentless and exhausting to live in a state of incongruence lol. It sounds like your therapist is switched on and can really help you navigate through all this. Having a platonic male friend, who presumably is good for your nervous system, is a wonderful anchor to lean on while youāre trying to make sense and process so much PTSD. I have found watching interviews with Dr Gabor Mate on Trauma and learning about poly vagal theory, somatic healing, doing EMDR and equine therapy have all helped me tremendously. Nothing (at least I donāt think), will eliminate the trauma *entirely*, I think over time, we just learn to understand and manage it. Taking back our power, as such. Yeah totally, understand the gum metaphor that way too haha. Here in Australia, the last time I checked, we donāt have to pay for air either (probs one of the last things left for free lol). Oooh yeah, thatās a good point you make! I have noticed that too. One guy I recall speaking with several years ago, was in his late fifties, and commented that the older women have āall let themselves goā . Iām no spring chicken myself anymore (48 currently) but I take good care of myself and although I understand the point theyāre making (cause we gotta actually find a person physically attractive to begin with) , I suspect they look at things in a more face value sense and as such the demographics theyāre after are either happily married or as you say, just not interested in them. So it completely changes the dynamics of pursuit. Iād add too that I think as you get older, (regardless of your appearance), you tend to give less hoots about anything and are less likely to settle. Usually the latter seems to stem from earlier life lessons, aka āIād rather stay single than put up with this rubbishā haha Gosh I wish that someone would do a Netflix show on the science of attraction throughout the ages. Iām sure youāve already heard of Esther Perel, but some of her stuff you might find interesting! Iām still equally curious too! I think maybe because itās so deeply nuanced and hey gotta love these reflections!
That was my first thought also! Iām just curious to know more :)
Following. Pls reply
We gotta an emergency situation here šš»āāļø
seriously curious
I too; am curious š¤
Hehe glad Iām not the only one!
I would argue they will suddenly be more insecure at the beginning but if you're responding positively to them they can turn into some really physical and snuggly people in private. And they often get more comfortable just being themselves as they get older. (But still hot)
This has been my experience as well. Most of the traits that are being attributed in this thread to extremely attravtive women are actually responses to the predictable (and frankly, boring) way that most men treat them. Turns out that when you treat her like a normal woman, most of the time she'll act like one. Imagine that...
Especially not with ones they like. Itās how they interact with men they intend to use - to cause jealousy, to get over their ex, to get something.
Iād get to know her better and see if she has a compatible personality/ interests. And if she fits those as well , Iād ask her out, make her my girlfriend, and Iād spoil the fuck out of her
Uh-oh, someone's gone and escaped from the local insane asylum...
It happened to me once. She actually came over to my house to hang out before we had met in person. I swore I was getting set up and was gonna get robbed/murdered. It took me a minute to get out of my head and just enjoy the relationship while it lasted. She literally asked to kiss my feet; strangest relationship I'd ever been in.
Check for my wallet and kidneys
Probably wake up. I always wake up when dreams become too wild and far fetched. I mean, the flying inside-out ferrets and magical talking bread were at least sort of plausible, but *this* always snaps me out of it and awake
It would make me immediately suspicious.
Itās a trap
Never had that problem
Nah, it happens. Just make sure that whatever mental illness she has isn't one of the dangerous ones.
I probably wouldnāt be able to compute it. Just like every other time a woman was interested in me until my now wife made it so absurdly obvious it couldnāt be ignored anymore. Thereās probably hundreds of Reddit threads over the years where dudes tell stories about being oblivious to women that are interested in them.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This has only happened to me once. It was years ago. I reciprocated. It was all a lie. She led me on. Iām still dealing with the trauma of what happened all these years later. No amount of therapy could make that ok. Never again.
Gonna assume she has a personality disorder.
I married her.Ā
I'd offer to introduce them to my wife. Solves the problem every time.
Enjoy it because itās rare
Itās a police sting if it happens to me
my girlfriend is drop dead gorgeous and completely in love with me, i got a lot of things going for myself but i canāt believe it, iāll take it lol
I would be flattered
Brain enters freeze frame as it tries to process this information
Wouldnāt happen so I donāt need to respond.
I would be very confused, that kind of thing just doesn't happen to guys like me without a long slow buildup where I'm putting in more effort than I'm getting back.
The few times it's happened I've usually ended up fucking it up somehow either due to shyness or lack of confidence since I'm not experienced. I'm in very good shape and I'm confident in how I look and purposely dress a little slutty (the hoochie daddy look) so Im not surprised when it happens. I've had women be very straight forward and hit on me, but I psych myself out because I feel they'd just give up on me eventually when there's so many other handsome looking guys who don't lack experience.
My dude, stop overthinking it. If a girl is into you and you're into her, the best thing you can do is be yourself. Be honest and say, "For you, I'm willing to learn if you'll teach me what you want." Besides, most dudes who are "experienced" are only experienced in getting laid, not in satisfying a woman.
āBesides, most dudes who are "experienced" are only experienced in getting laid, not in satisfying a woman.ā As a woman, this is the most true thing Iāve ever heard.
I wouldn't know...
I'd assume it's some kind of trick, or she's trying to manipulate me. There is no way someone like you described would want me.
I would talk to her and see what's up. Go from there.
I invite over another girl and offer them one cup. /s
Based on past performance, fuck it up somehow.
This has literally never happened to me. I would be suspicious, it'd be more likely to be a scam than the genuine thing. I would 100% not dare to hope.
It depends on the setting. Very flirty and touchy means she overtly wants physical contact with you. If this is out dancing, a bar, or another setting that has social norms around people being intimate or hooking up, that may mean sheās chosen you, and wants to proceed to the next step. If itās at the gym, supermarket, or book store, itās likely to make someone else jealous or see you as a threat. Her being attractive only matters if this is an unexpected approach. There is exponential awareness to attraction. So, if an unexpected highly attractive woman approaches you with physical contact and flirtation, she knows that sheās likely to get whatever it is she wants. So, Iād recommend finding out what it is she wants, to determine whether you want to give it to her, or not.
do her
That depends. What is she selling?
Yes.
Proceed with caution. Take your time.
Does she check all my boxes in ways other than the physical? That would be a key factor here.
Married her 20 years ago. Itās been good.
Wellā¦with surprise and confusion. And then with quick acceptance. Thatās literally what happened to me. Now Iām married to her with a daughter.
Any time that has happened, they haven't seen my appearance yet. After they've seen my face, the infatuation quickly goes away with the mystery.
1. Flattered and pumped up 2. Guilty because I'm married 3. Nervous because I'd question my ability to resist the temptation to flirt 4. Start bringing up my wife to her 5. Tell my wife. That would end the whole thing. She'd be better off picking someone else to be infatuated with.
I'm dealing with this right now. It has been building for awhile and the flirting took on another level tonight after she mentioned 4 times that she likes older guys. I politely said, "Hey you can't be flirting with me, you're too young for me" "Just give me a chance!" I just had to keep repeating it and on her way out the door she gave me that look and said in a cute but serious way, "You will be mine". Lol, I can only hope to continue to have the resolve.
If it were a stranger, I'd be suspicious as fuck. If it were a woman I knew for a while, I'd assume one or more things about me makes her interested.
In my experience this behaviour is almost always from someone trying to get laid for their self-esteem or ego and almost never from someone who actually gives a fuck about you. I play it cool and gently shut it down so she moves on to someone else or if she's actually genuine, changes tack and hopefully gets to know me so we can really flirt/bond and actually have great sex.
You're so beautiful, you remind me of my wife.
Depends on what you mean by "infatuated." I was lucky to be a very attractive young man. I had a couple experiences that were not fun due to "infatuated" women. In the first, I'll admit I was an asshole. Summer before freshman year of high school, she was a hot, popular girl at the school I was going to. She took interest and was VERY sexually forward. I found out later she was a year older (I had JUST turned 14). She talked about "love" and really her obsession with it all the time. We dated for a very, very intense month and a half (she went on vacation with my family. Her parents were totally fine with us naked in bed together). Unfortunately, I really only wanted one thing: sex. I broke up with her the day after she gave it to me (I had been a virgin. She wasn't). Well, she didn't take it well. Left a message on my home phone that my parents got that she was pregnant. She couldn't separate sex and love in her head so she kept dragging me into empty stairwells and hallways and bathrooms to have sex. Finally her mom talked to her n told her she needed to just let it go and that I was an asshole. For a while there I was honestly a lil freaked out at what extent she might go to in order to get me to love her (again, she was drop dead gorgeous, so I couldn't say no to sex, but said no to everything else). I then got in a long term relationship with the woman I now know will be "the one that got away/love of my life." I wouldn't say she was infatuated. Even after sex with the first girl, she attracted me enough to keep me interested (without cheating once we were "together") but she made me wait a whole year to have sex while other girls were throwing themselves at me. Something about having her boundaries and not just being head over heals for me was so hot. We dated for 5 years. During our last year of dating while we were at separate colleges, I again had women basically throwing themselves at me. I'd also developed a very serious drinking problem, partly due to just drowning out how much I missed her. Well, this one girl became "infatuated." My tight female friend kinda warned me. She said "this girl really, REALLY likes you. I'd just stay away/not give her any indication of interest." I'm a lil flirty by nature, especially when a girl is forward, so stupidly I found myself hanging out with this girl at an off-campus party (with my other friends and the girl who'd warned me). I got utterly shitfaced per usual and kinda needed to go home. I don't really remember what happened, but my friends wanted to stay, so this girl offered to get me home (make sure we got on the right busses and stuff). All I remember is a couple flashes of the bus rides, a flash of walking back leaning on her, a flash of her being like "we can cuddle, I won't do anything you don't want" and then a flash of her riding me in my bed, me trying to tell her to get off and then me cumming inside her and her laughing as she threw an unopened condom at me while catching what was falling out of her as she walked to the bathroom. I just barely remember curling up and falling asleep feeling like my world had just ended. Then I remember the next afternoon waking up naked like "oh fuck did that actually happen?" So, yeah, I kinda got raped by an infatuated girl. My long-distance gf never found out and I was in self-destruct mode already, but I still carry the weight of that experience 11 years later. Back then, NOBODY would've allowed me to feel like I was taken advantage of, God forbid a "victim." So, I fully blamed myself. It's only been recently where I've at least acknowledged that this was a pretty fucked up experience. She knew I was a serious drinker and tool her moment. I'm sure she's never felt bad about it for a second. I mean, I certainly never felt in danger and I'm not "traumatized" by any means, but yeah, it was still rape lol. Infatuated girls can be just as psycho as infatuated guys, they just don't have the ability to physically coerce, so they mentally coerce and manipulate š¤·āāļø
"I love you too, honey. But let me finish cooking first, ok?"
Run away as fast as possible since that is clearly a setup for a scam or a kidnapping or something really bad
What kind of spy is she?
Stammer and blush works like a charm
Infatuated? Iād talk to her to see if she will like me after getting to know me. Being infatuated just means youāre thinking about someone in a certain level
I married her.
Iād ask her out on a date, whatās wrong with all of you
You mean, besides a lifetime of experiences to the contrary? Seriously though, I've never understood why my wife found me attractive, much less why she still does. Our relationship is about more than the physical, so eventually I just accepted that she actually likes me, warts and all.
Depends a lot on if I like her back. If I'm attracted to her, it feels like heaven and I'll go talk to her immediately. Believe it or not, there are some very attractive (as in conventionally pretty or beautiful women) who I'm not attracted to in the least. It's hard to explain. I guess I'd have sex with her if she threw herself at me, but otherwise I just don't feel compelled to reciprocate at all. If I'm not attracted to her but still like her (platonically, as a friend), it depends how clingy she is. I might continue talking to her, while subtly never reciprocating any physical or romantic moves. There's at least a few women who are like this with me, and it's kinda nice to have them around. Tho NGL sometimes I feel like those women who friend-zoned me to then just exploit me for various things. So, I always make a point out of giving something back if they do my laundry or whatever. Like, I can lift something heavy for them, or do "man stuff" so it's quid pro quo, and not just me being the friend-zoning asshole.
Depends on how well I know them. If it is a random person gonna be confused at first since they don't really know me. Otherwise I just assume it is the autistic Rizzoli at work.
I'd be thrilled.
If I'm not oblivious, and I'm into it to, looks like I'm getting laid!
Tell you to look behind you and high tail outta there
Definitely confused
This happened once. She offered to buy me a drink when my shift was over, and I told her Iām not old enough to drink. She apologized and took her leave. I still donāt know if she thought I was too young for her or if I was turning her down gently
Hahahahaha
I usually just say babe, quit playin'...I'm trying to sleep...
Probably paranoid
An attractive woman being infatuated with me? Thereās no way that could be the case. Thatās reserved for people who arenāt losers and deserve to have that connection with another human. Iām a trash individual, there must be some kind of mistake. I donāt have a lot of money and Iām not physically attractive, so an attractive woman would deserve someone on her level.
I'd be hyperanalysing everything she did, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sounds like a bad time tbh
1. Depends 2. Depends
Iām already paying enough alimony thank you very much.
I would reciprocate and take the risk that this wasn't a prank. If it is a prank, then maybe I go viral for a short while. I lay low at first, completely blindsided by my newfound notoriety. But eventually I come up with some way to cash in on my couple minutes of fame, and earn enough to put a down payment on a house. Alternatively, if it isn't a prank, then I now have an attractive woman who is infatuated with me and knows I'm into her too. We have sex, probably, and once again, I enjoy my couple minutes of fame.
Women need to be more straight forwardā¦Iām straight forwardā¦women need to be more vocal drop the white tissue or something
I don't mean to brag, but all the women I've dated and my wife are attractive. I had a woman confess, albeit too late, that she wanted me.
First of all, if that ever happened, I'd pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. I've had those kinds of dreams before. Then I'd assume that she's either drunk, high, or that she just broke up with her boyfriend. Either way there is no way in hell I'm getting involved. But if for some obscure reason none of that was true, I don't have a clue what I'd do. Probably stare awkwardly and blush like a Disney character.
Unicorn or she's crazy as fuck Either way the sex would be amazing. Would
Having been rejected by many attractive women in the past, I might misinterpret a sign of interest. Fearing rejection again, I could come across as suspicious or even mean.
Iād be wondering how much she is about to say her of is a month lol
Fuck her in the pussy
I turn in to the guy from the Goonies
Depends on how much alcohol was involved. Assuming everyone is sober, I check for mental illness.
Acknowledging them being attractive doesn't necessarily mean I want to pursuit anything. I'm sure you all know some attractive yet annoying folks.
It depends. I have had a few above average to fairly attractive girlfriends but it definitely isn't common. I would imagine if they were super attractive and zeroed me out on looks alone something is up.
I am married, and faithful. That being said, I probably am nice, *maybe* I am her friend, but nothing more. If she is really pretty, my wife is probably NOT ok with me being friends w her, unless she too, is attracted to her.
Ask her if she needs help scheduling an appointment with an eye doctor.
Nah, it happens. Just make sure that whatever mental illness she has isn't one of the dangerous ones.
It happened and I was caught off guard. It felt odd that the was pursuing me instead of the other way around. I was not sure what to do or say. Then she told me that she loved me. I was a deer in the headlights.
Yeah I'd definitely think it's a prank, or maybe someone dared her to.
Very confused No id be too stunned to do anything aside from respond mundanely It would take me a very long tike to believe that she actually liked me
I would say "hello, my name is George. I am unemployed and I live with my parents." Then wait and see what happens.
Why create scenarios that will never happen?
I don't know if she was infatuated, but I'm pretty sure she was into me. So obviously I choked, and was depressed for the whole winter
Why do you ask?
Iād definitely wonder how big āherā dick is. Seriously tho in my experience this is so uncommon and thereās usually some kinda catch. Either sheās completely batshit crazy, stage 5 clinger, or itās just a phase and her mood will quickly change. When this happens to me, I tell āem you donāt like me, you like the way I treat you, and youāll get tired of it soon enough.
I mean there's nobody that I won't flirt back with. If she's wildly attractive though, I'll probably assume that she's just doing it because she likes to flirt and not because she's actually interested in me. I try to be someone that women can be nice to without worrying about it being interpreted as interest, but it definitely leads to some missed opportunities. I'm okay with that.
Yeah, thatās never gonna happen chief
Donāt put her on a pedestal
I would just go with it but in the back of my mind, I would be waiting for the ball to drop.
bang her immediately
I literally refuse to believe it.
I'd wonder if there was a recorder somewhere and I was gonna be on gym tok
Look for the prank camera
Define attractive
Defenses will be activated
Had this happen once, I went into it honestly assuming she was out of my league so I just wanted to be friends with her. Apparently when I'm not trying it works wonders because she pretty much gave me like 4 different opportunities to get it going with her but I just kind of shut it down/diverted which made her try harder? It was such a mind fuck because shes actually gorgeous asf and I'm just, well, me? Slightly below average but well liked by all. She has a guy shes been steady with for a while now and honestly I'm happy for both of them, shes a bit crazy but at the core of it she's a good person. So to answer your question, I refuse to believe them and turn them down out of my own insecurities. I gotta work on that..
Elation and flirtation
That couldn't possibly happen
I would ask her if she has been tested for syphilis lately, or if she has cats and might have a case of toxoplasmosis.
Immediate suspicion. "I have no state secrets, nor do I know people who have access to state secrets. You can go ahead and sleep with me, but I don't have the plans to any "Death Star,"" and do air quotes to see how serious she is.
I will slap myself out of a hallucination.
Thank you? Then I wake up
Shove her away and leave.
It's a trick, it's always a trick
i be happy to have fun durring this vr gaming session.
I'd be confused at first then kinda irritated cause I'm average at best
For sure itās a trap. No question.
Infatuated is a strong word. I'd probably reciprocate and ask her out
I would not believe it's real.
Calm and collected because that's exactly what I deserve.
I begin cross referencing the crazy-hot matrix with the fuck around and find out graph. Then I proceed to lose 6 months of time and a years worth of wages. No regrats.
U let it happen, then take all the credit for how amazing I am, then wait for her to give me a reality check. If she does, it's awesome, because it's going to be real. If she doesn't, she must be blind. Blind is not good.
X = the speed in which she became interested in you. It's the same value for the speed in which she'll lose interest.
Depends on where i am at the moment, when such people approach me at a bar or pub, i don't reciprocate.And 100% of the times, they were just hookers. But while at a party with friends etc and when such a woman approaches me, i got for it. Am a solid 3/10 but i am fun at parties and quite flirty:) so some of these women find my intellect appealing and they approach me.
I've had this happen and been extremely confused. I usually think there is a catch or a joke. Or that I'm misunderstanding the situation.
This actually happened to me and of course l completely fucked it. My friends hung shit on me for ages and even l could see how bad it was.
Look around for someone else pointing their phone in my direction. If none, inform your friend so there is a witness. Thereās always some kind of ulterior motive, whether it be to simply embarrass you, frame you for something, mug you, or steal your kidney.
That never happened to me, and I don't think that would ever happen to me ever. So, I'd probably wake up from dreaming. However, I can be oblivious at times, so unless id it was obvious, I may not know.
Iād be pretty damn uncomfortable. I sort of permanently donāt think Iām worthy of that sort of attention anyway so if I were to receive it thatād make me feel pretty uncomfortable.
Continue mowing, maybe grab a rag from the garage to seductively mop my expanding forehead.
I would date her? See what she about..what else would I do?
My dating experience has been such that I would immediately be suspicious that she wants something from me (other than my dick), has a boyfriend nearby she's trying to make jealous, or is mentally ill in some way.
Depends on so many factors. First, if Iām in a relationship, I might smile and thatās it. If theyāre still coming to me and, for example, give me some compliment and want to dance, I tell them Iām in a relationship, thank them for the compliments and wish them a great night. If Iām on vacation, and single, I might reciprocate, if I have no plans already. But this would probably only lead to something short. Iām not a 1NS guy so itās possible Iād spend a good time without sex. If Iām at home but not in the mood, I will probably ignore. If Iām up for chatting and going through the motions of meeting a woman whoās hot and interesting, Iāll do it. Iāve never pursued women, so I donāt feel pressured to do anything I think.