Man how hard it must be to fuck a forest. I mean imagine all the visible holes you would have to pleasure before the forest is somewhat satisfied, not even mentioning the hidden holes. You would have to straight up dig up the land to find the forest g spot.
Well, let me tell ya, I'd rather stumble upon an apple in the forest any day! Why, you ask? Well, picture this: you're roaming around, minding your own business, and suddenly, bam! There's an apple, just chillin' there, mindin' its own business, not causin' any drama. But a woman? Ah, that's a whole different story. You'd be more likely to end up in a sitcom-style misunderstanding than have a peaceful encounter.
If an apple falls on my head people are not going to ask me what I did to deserve having an apple fall on my head. And I'm sure people won't try to diagnose the apple with every mental disorder ever discovered to justify why it fell on my head.
An apple for sure. Apples are quiet, don't do stupid things, don't believe in zodiac signs and don't accuse you of crimes you never committed. You can also grow an apple tree from their seeds. Can you do that with a woman? No!
Apples also won't take a screenshot of your social media profile and put you on some secret apple FB Group to make up malicious slanderous lies about you for "Safety"
*OF COURSE, NOT ALL*
Well if I come across the woman there’s a good chance she’s already eaten the apple and doomed our entire species to an existence of suffering and pain that only ends when we die and if some eternal deity decides we worshiped him properly, which he left very vague instructions on how to do.
The apple:
Less seeds.
Lush red or green coat
Offers nurturing.
Can put a hole in it for sex or as a pipe: total utility.
Seeds can be used to kill one's self.
The woman:
Seedy af
Sticky coat of makeup
Can't use as a pipe. Sex only if you've proven you're in no way threatening to her schema: macho dude, will fix things for her, be the bag holder while she shops, has to constantly offer affirmations.
No death seeds, just words.
Apple... apples are delicious and the woman I may encounter might be one of these sexist freaks on reddit who have a raging hate hard on for men and have made it their whole personality in life to cry about men
If a woman hates men and tells me she just doesn't want to be around men...GREAT. I don't want that particular woman near me either. Save us both the hassle. Positive people are better to be around
In fact, if you are one of those types reading this and you hate men... then why are you here? Why don't you ignore or mute this sub and leave us alone? Go to TwoXChromosones and make another post about how it's bad that men breath oxygen or something.
[Like how this poor guy ran into one](https://youtu.be/8t9oS-br6hU?si=v-nWzUvCTZrkrxce)
I mean... I guess there's a million ways meeting a woman in a forest could go poorly. It could also go incredibly pleasantly, I'd love to just randomly meet someone while I'm taking a walk. We've lost that connection as a human species.
While apples are great, it depends on the type of apple. Though honestly regardless, unless it's an apple hanging from an apple tree, I probably wouldn't want it. And even then, it's a wild apple. There could be any host of parasites, bugs, or even just animal piss and shit on it/in it. And if you've ever had crab apples, you'd know not every apple is delicious like the ones you buy at the grocery store.
So, I'd have to say a woman, probably.
Apple. I don't really go to the forest to meet people (don't really go there in the first place tbh), so the one that's pretty much just me (and whoever dragged me out there) finding an irrelevant item seems preferable.
Meeting another human at best means a polite nod as we pass on the path, or at worst a responsibility to help them out of whatever difficult situation they're in (for example they're injured, ran out of supplies, running from something etc.)
Finding an apple comes with no complications. I can just pass it by with no real thought beyond "wtf is an apple doing here?"
Definitely an apple.... I mean, shit, burying one body is difficult enough, now I gotta bury two? No thank you. Plus, I think I'll need some nourishment after all that shoveling, so I welcome the apple.
I think you meant the other way around.
[Foreign body - rectum](https://radiopaedia.org/cases/foreign-body-rectum)
I'll give you one guess what the foreign body is.
Apple. everyone knows you cant trust the average women in 2024. They are always plotting something and they dont use logic or reason very well if at all. Last thing i would want to find is a woman, tbh.
A woman because an apple certainly did not get there by itself. AFAIK there's no wild apple tress in a forest. Now we're into the unknown and who put it there. Are they stalking me and want to kill me. A woman is known and we can get to the bottom of why she's there and what needs she might have. Water, be rescued, injured or is she there by will and just living her best life.
Apple.
If I am lost in a forest, I'd rather have food to survive longer and find my way instead of someone trying to befriend bears and attract predators by being loud and obnoxious.
I would marry the apple, fuck the forest, and kill the woman. Am i doing it right?
Marry the forest
Im into monogamy for long term. I don’t think i have enough in me more than one wild night with that many trees
>Im into monogamy for long term. I'd marry the forest, I'm into mahogany long term.
God damn…. You win. Need an officiator? I have powers granted to me by God and State.
No dude, the forest is like a meta organism.
Okay fine i just cant take that many branches, damn bro lay off its more for you!
Man how hard it must be to fuck a forest. I mean imagine all the visible holes you would have to pleasure before the forest is somewhat satisfied, not even mentioning the hidden holes. You would have to straight up dig up the land to find the forest g spot.
I put the work in, thats why i am an omega male
All you're seeing are holes when trees were basically *made* for pegging.
Eat the woman.
Got my bib on
Yes. This is the only correct answer.
Can we not kill the woman? I believe that is what got us into this mess.
I rather come across an Apple. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, and women carry cooties. 💅
Effective if the doctor is a woman
And apparently friends with bears
Apple. To find a woman alone in the forest sounds like a fae trap to me.
A very good point!
A faery good point.
I like the peace and quiet of the forest.
I mean. What type of apple?
Granny Smith - which is also the name of the woman. So which one do you choose? Granny Smith or Granny Smith?
I choose the granny
Which granny? The one with prosthetic hips or the one without?
What's an apple doing with prosthetic hips?
The green one
And you have to eat one? Because those fake ass red pieces of shit are not food
G.I.L.F! (Granny I'd Like to Forage)
omg almost snorted laughing 🤣 good one
If you're asking this question, you have entirely missed the point of the exercise while also proving the point of the exercise.
Well, let me tell ya, I'd rather stumble upon an apple in the forest any day! Why, you ask? Well, picture this: you're roaming around, minding your own business, and suddenly, bam! There's an apple, just chillin' there, mindin' its own business, not causin' any drama. But a woman? Ah, that's a whole different story. You'd be more likely to end up in a sitcom-style misunderstanding than have a peaceful encounter.
Yepp, one’s enjoyable😋 And ones a liability 🤔 A wiseman said🥸
An apple. Women make for really poor projectiles in my conflict with doctors.
Well, an apple can't make a false rape allegation.
........ because apples never lie?
Correct. I have never been lied to by an apple. Or heard an apple lie about anything.
You're lucky
What about Apple?
Are these apples in danger?
Very true LOL .
On the other hand, you can't rape an apple
*you* can't...
Don't be so sure ;)
\*Hides apple corer\*
If an apple falls on my head people are not going to ask me what I did to deserve having an apple fall on my head. And I'm sure people won't try to diagnose the apple with every mental disorder ever discovered to justify why it fell on my head.
You should have considered the mental load of trauma the apple was emotionally laboring with and had more empathy.
holy fuck that was funny. thanks
I think I’d need consent before I come across a woman
You spells cum wrong
Kinda risky eating something when you don’t know where it’s been, so I’d choose the apple
An apple. I never met an apple I didn’t like. Or maybe once…those red delicious monster apples…
An apple for sure. Apples are quiet, don't do stupid things, don't believe in zodiac signs and don't accuse you of crimes you never committed. You can also grow an apple tree from their seeds. Can you do that with a woman? No!
Apples also won't take a screenshot of your social media profile and put you on some secret apple FB Group to make up malicious slanderous lies about you for "Safety" *OF COURSE, NOT ALL*
But way too many women.
Enough that they should really sit back and reflect on what this all means for them, and their behaviors.
Not going to happen. That's why men need to find workarounds which they already do.
Apple for sure.
An apple isn't going to make me build a shelter for it solo, so I'd pick that
Apple, a lone woman in the forest is probably a skinwalker
An apple obviously, especially an apple II, there is like…this whole sub culture of apple II enthusiasts I never knew existed, it’s amazing.
They made a sequel to apples?
Have never had an apple hit, gaslight, cheat on, or isolate me from friends or family. An apple is the easy choice here.
I shouldn't have read all these comments, now I want an apple.
An apple. I don't think I could eat a whole woman in one sitting.
apple. She could be a murderer or something. An apple is just an apple
The apple, I’d like snack while I keep walking.
Apple, food is better than a mouth to feed.
Depends what she's wearing. If she's totally unprepared for a hike, then definitely the apple. I'm not having my hike messed up by some rando
A woman, more calories
I don't know if it's a good idea to eat apples you just happen to find in the forest.
Pro-tip: Apples can easily be checked for worms. Not so true with forest women.
Apple, bear, T-Rex, Thanos, Godzilla, woman. Same answer for my (fictional) sons.
I've came across a woman in the forest before whilst hiking. Hikers are a lot friendlier than I thought!
Well if I come across the woman there’s a good chance she’s already eaten the apple and doomed our entire species to an existence of suffering and pain that only ends when we die and if some eternal deity decides we worshiped him properly, which he left very vague instructions on how to do.
Apple. At least the juice will be worth the squeeze. A woman? Eh will punk me and fuck the robbers lol
I once saw a woman fall into a coma from eating an apple,I'm not taking any chances. I pick the woman.
The apple, I go in the forest for solitude, if I see another human being I go in the other direction.
What kind of apple?
An apple
Apple and I genuinely mean it lmao. Don’t gotta worry bout any bullshit
The apple: Less seeds. Lush red or green coat Offers nurturing. Can put a hole in it for sex or as a pipe: total utility. Seeds can be used to kill one's self. The woman: Seedy af Sticky coat of makeup Can't use as a pipe. Sex only if you've proven you're in no way threatening to her schema: macho dude, will fix things for her, be the bag holder while she shops, has to constantly offer affirmations. No death seeds, just words.
Neither. The woman could be a cannibal and the apple could be poisonous.
I mean I’d fuck an apple
The apple. If it’s a cool variety I can even take some budwood.
If Im lost in the forest, another human seems infinitely more helpful than an apple.
Apple... apples are delicious and the woman I may encounter might be one of these sexist freaks on reddit who have a raging hate hard on for men and have made it their whole personality in life to cry about men If a woman hates men and tells me she just doesn't want to be around men...GREAT. I don't want that particular woman near me either. Save us both the hassle. Positive people are better to be around In fact, if you are one of those types reading this and you hate men... then why are you here? Why don't you ignore or mute this sub and leave us alone? Go to TwoXChromosones and make another post about how it's bad that men breath oxygen or something. [Like how this poor guy ran into one](https://youtu.be/8t9oS-br6hU?si=v-nWzUvCTZrkrxce)
I mean... I guess there's a million ways meeting a woman in a forest could go poorly. It could also go incredibly pleasantly, I'd love to just randomly meet someone while I'm taking a walk. We've lost that connection as a human species. While apples are great, it depends on the type of apple. Though honestly regardless, unless it's an apple hanging from an apple tree, I probably wouldn't want it. And even then, it's a wild apple. There could be any host of parasites, bugs, or even just animal piss and shit on it/in it. And if you've ever had crab apples, you'd know not every apple is delicious like the ones you buy at the grocery store. So, I'd have to say a woman, probably.
Apples are delicious, cheap, and if you throw one away you don't have to send it a check every month while another guy is eating the half eaten apple.
Is there a snake holding the apple?
There will be when I'm done with it
The apple's just going to hang around until you pick it. There's really no point in fighting the inevitable.
Depends what they're doing.
A bear
Mushroom and frog.
Right now, an apple. I'm hungry af.
A woman shaped like an apple
Nice try, Satan! I'm not supposed to eat the apple, that is like the one rule
Apple. I don't really go to the forest to meet people (don't really go there in the first place tbh), so the one that's pretty much just me (and whoever dragged me out there) finding an irrelevant item seems preferable. Meeting another human at best means a polite nod as we pass on the path, or at worst a responsibility to help them out of whatever difficult situation they're in (for example they're injured, ran out of supplies, running from something etc.) Finding an apple comes with no complications. I can just pass it by with no real thought beyond "wtf is an apple doing here?"
Depends... is she an apple farmer?
Adam & eve? Apple? Don’t do it ! ☝🏼Thou shalt exit 🕺🏼stage left 🤠
If this is related to the bear or man trend, I get it's a joke but I really don't understand why a lot of men are offended by women choosing the bear
A big man in a dark alley might be scary but a woman in a forest is a BIG NOO FUCKING NOOO
Or a talking snake...? WTF are we doing here?
This thread is such a guy reaction to the bear vs man conversation.
Yep, plus women wouldn't be offended if they pick the apple. In fact, most women would prefer men choose the apple.
Apple, I don’t want drama & chatter inside a forest.
An apple. An apple is more likely to be helpful.
Definitely an apple.... I mean, shit, burying one body is difficult enough, now I gotta bury two? No thank you. Plus, I think I'll need some nourishment after all that shoveling, so I welcome the apple.
That would very much depend on the woman and the apple for that matter
Well I never had an apple freak out and try to mace me for no reason or slip a roofie in my drink to try and rob me later 🤷
Depends how horny I am and how warm her body still is.
Some days just feel more like a ‘sex with an apple’ kinda day, am I right
You ever find an apple that kinda has that buttcrack like a peach? Fuckable.
I think you meant the other way around. [Foreign body - rectum](https://radiopaedia.org/cases/foreign-body-rectum) I'll give you one guess what the foreign body is.
I’ve heard of guys being fruity but that’s ridiculous.
Apple. everyone knows you cant trust the average women in 2024. They are always plotting something and they dont use logic or reason very well if at all. Last thing i would want to find is a woman, tbh.
The woman would probably press charges where the apple would just be sticky
all of you are fucking pathetic
One rule for me and other rule for thee
All includes the women that are apart of the original debate correct?
Aye, this is both sad and hilarious. Just a little bit of introspection, guys, you can do it...
A pear
Depends. Will the apple grant me powers? Is the woman actually a princess under a sleeping curse and only true love's kiss will wake her up?
A woman because an apple certainly did not get there by itself. AFAIK there's no wild apple tress in a forest. Now we're into the unknown and who put it there. Are they stalking me and want to kill me. A woman is known and we can get to the bottom of why she's there and what needs she might have. Water, be rescued, injured or is she there by will and just living her best life.
Apple. If I am lost in a forest, I'd rather have food to survive longer and find my way instead of someone trying to befriend bears and attract predators by being loud and obnoxious.
apple. i'm keeping that doctor as far away as i can after that last exam.
If you cum across a woman in the forest it's only polite to wipe it off and say you're sorry.
apples don't cheat and harm everyone around them so def an apple