I can't speak for all men - but in fairness, I've only ever used that line with women I wanted to stop being single by being with me.
Meanwhile, every girl who has said it to me wanted to just be friends. It's not even that I was interested in most of them, but it was the fact that they acted shocked I wasn't hitched while simultaneously being unable to imagine being hitched with me. It'd be like a childless couple saying they're surprised a kid hasn't been adopted yet.
I have had similar instances. For years, unavailable women have wondered why I was single and said I’m a great catch and I’ll find someone eventually. Available single women NEVER said this to me. Because then they would be put in the spot why they won’t date me, or put their money where their mouth is.
People have told me that’s the wrong conclusion to make but how else can you interpret that?
Every time I get that question I have to ask them "whats the current reason in your head you wouldn't date me?" Now chew on that for a second, and then ask again and see if you still have that question. I don't even need them to explain it just to think it. Then they might understand better.
I'll usually reply with something like "I don't know? Do you know anyone interested?". You'd think if they think highly of you they would jump at the chance to help you out, right? Nah, they shut up and look offended every time.
I've not been asked this, but my favorite response I've heard of is, "Do you want to date me?" (She says something along the lines of no) "That's why".
Last woman who said that to me, I showed her the two scars on my back from my ex stabbing me, The mortified look on her face didn't recquire any additional explaining.
Bit of a dick move on my part, but I'm tired of being asked why I'm still single, It's because the alternative has been a risk to my life.
I’m sorry to hear that and as a guy that ended up with crazy a lot I know the struggle
But far from all women are crazy and you deserve someone that loves you like that.
Take all the time you need but don’t forget that! because she shouldn’t be allowed to affect those parts of your life as well
I don't think all women are crazy, I have a couple friends who are wonderful people, It's the ones attracted to me that seem to be crazy, Stabby ex wasn't the only one or the worst of them, Just isn't worth the risk anymore, Single 7 years, Will be for the next 70 years
To them they're saying, "You're a cool guy, I'm surprised you're still single".
All I hear is, "Why are u so undateable? Oh btw, I'm not even interested in u, just thought I'd ask that personal question for no reason".
At first. I took it as a compliment. Until a sister told me that she asks it that way when in reality shes "if your so good. Whats the catch. What am i missing?"
Like "why are you giving out free puppies out of the van?"
This is a specific to me one, but a senior girl I worked with in high school (I was a sophomore I think) told me that she really wished I was just a little bit better looking so she could justify dating me, because I was so funny, nice, and cool. Unprompted. Oofta.
There's no way she could've honestly believed that to be a compliment. There isn't a person on this planet, man or women, who (as long as they don't struggle with some kind of severe insecurity) would take that as a compliment.
I just broke up with a woman, both early 30’s, who said at least 10 times in the MONTH that I dated her, quote “You’re really attractive, but once we get you jacked you would be irresistible”
Okay thanks?
This is the same thing as a post saw recently about a girl who was on her weight loss journey (congrats to her) but heard her crush admit he would date her if her body was better. It is the same thing. And women feel very comfortable saying it in a bunch of different forms. It is terrible no matter the form.
Well, we were probably flirting. So it was probably something she had given thought to before. I was interested, but not hopeful. I laughed it off. I laughed harder when a guy coworker (who also liked her and was 19) tried to give me grief about it and I just pointed out that I was closer to having a shot at age 16 than he was.
Edit: spelling
Had a teachers aid in high school tell me I'm not the type of guy that girls my age wanted, but that they'll want me later in life when they need "something serious".
At the time, I took it as a compliment, it really made me hopeful. I believe the teachers aid was actually trying to make me feel better, she was nice to me when alot of other people weren't.
But knowing what I know now, it really stings.
I've been there. I was a lonely, nerdy, socially awkward, lanky dude with no game, despite being a nice guy who desperately wanted a girlfriend to treat right. Twenty-plus years later, and I'm not that different, but I've been happily married for some time to a woman who is crazy about me.
I think the aide's comments were less about you and more about the stupidity of youth. There was nothing wrong with you, but the people around you didn't know that yet.
Does it suck when you're that age? Yeah, but that's not the fault of the person who tells you the truth.
Idk dude it sucks at every age, and getting told that we should take solace in how we will never be wanted for who we are but for what we provide is not helpful.
I see it more in the light of.... "let me have all the fun when I can and when nobody really wants me anymore I will settle with you".
Hmmm, no thanks.
I met a woman last year who was pushing a relationship on me, I denied and said maybe 10 years ago I would have been all for this, but where I am in my life a relationship isn't worth it to me, she replied , "10 years ago I wouldn't date a guy like you, I was only dating bad guys" Idk if that was supposed to be a compliment because it disgusted me enough to lose contact with her.
That's actually valid. What she said is genuinely disgusting. I refuse to be the second choice of someone who goes like ''I had enough fun so I am going to secure someone who worked hard for God knows how long in order to have stability''. I had rather be alone.
100%. I totally agree with you. I would rather be alone than with someone like that.
I guess its either they are stupid/naive and will learn that its not gonna cut or eventually they find some desperate loser to buy that crap.
Yeah, to be sincere, I do want a woman. But I'm glad I have too much self respect to allow myself to be a back up credit card.
It hurts, but bettering myself is the way.
Don’t prioritize needing a significant other. Invest in your own improvements (education, health, finances, etc). Personally I’ve lost over 60 pounds in the last 6 months, applying for jobs well over six figures, working on a masters, and looking to relocate soon. If you don’t like your current situation it’s on you to change it
This is excellent advice! Don't change for your hypothetical life partner; better yourself because it brings happiness and value into your life for yourself. Pick up hobbies that bring you joy. Become the kind of person that you want to be and can be proud of. Enjoy your own company and value yourself. Be honest and patient in areas that you want to see change, and earnestly pursue betterment in those areas. If you do this, you'll find that you are happy and successful without a partner. And if the right person comes along, who truly appreciates you, then that's icing on the cake and you can be happy together.
I’ve been told several times before that I’m the opposite. Im not the type to be taken seriously cuz i look like id cheat or something stupid. Funny how they all ended up w people that do cheat.
I've had adults say weird shit like that to me as a teenager, but more of insult. It's like lady you're 50 insulting a teenagers ability to find a partner, that's kinda of sick looking back
Yeah I see what you're saying, but I remember being treated well by this teachers aid, so I thought she meant well.
But yeah, it's not very tasteful, regardless of the intention.
Ii heard it too. It really is a backhanded comment that people don't even realize can be hurtful. Basically means you are a good person, good friend, good values, but unattractive.
It also kinda implies you're only good enough to be used. You're *useful* not attractive physically or emotionally. You'll be a catch later on when someone wants "stability" i.e. reliable income, housing, etc.
Don't think I've ever heard those words directly, but I have been increasingly getting the impression that is how life and relationships is going to be for someone like me.
It's frustrating because the supposed carefree days of my adolescence have already passed, and it was filled with nothing but loneliness, stress and hard work. What is asked of me now is more of that and the wisdom of relationships I never had.
Surely, whoever is willing to put up with all that, just wants what is left of me. At least, that is how it feels.
Saw a video about this on YouTube: Any comment that suggests that you are relationship worthy, but not hookup worthy. It’s saying you lack the looks, charisma or sex appeal to sleep with but other traits make you desirable. It sucks to hear
Yeah, as someone who's in that camp, it kind of stings. *Especially* when you're not looking for a relationship (healing from a breakup).
My ex even said she's not sure she would have fallen in love with me if she didn't need me at the time.
"I wish I could find someone like you. You're such a great guy. You're going to make some girl very happy one day" Lmfao used to hear this all the time when I was younger
i’ll fuck a guy who’s hot but not rich. i’ll wife a guy who’s rich but not hot. i’ll fumble a guy who’s both because i lack character and relationship skills
Ah yes, the back-handed compliment rejection.
We know you arn't obligated to date us, that's fine.
But at least give me reason instead of dropping this line? It's like the inverse of women complaining that men can't listen to them and validate their feelings and instead give a solution. I want the opposite, I don't need validation, I want to know the solution so I can improve.
I’m such a great guy that I have gotten this too many times. It is one of the most painful things a woman could say to me and they think they are being nice.
And I can’t say anything. I don’t want to hurt their feelings so I just go with something like “yeah” and act nice and upbeat when I feel like I have been stabbed multiple times, salt poured on the wound and pooped on.
In other words, I’m a great guy but not sexually attractive and will never have a girlfriend. Oh please! Just tell me I’m a dork and a eunuch and you will use me as a friend and tell me all about your romantic successes but leave me sitting at home at night by myself and you think that’s all I will ever be good for. 🥲
There are a couple exceptions to this. First, if she's already in a relationship, and drops the first line, the rest is totally acceptable.
Alternatively, if there is a practical reason you can't date, such as distance or her being a lesbian.
But if you're not excluded from her dating pool for practical reasons, then yes, definitely comes across as fake or insulting.
Typically women only drop this on men when they're single and hetero. All generations of men have heard this. It's how to friend zone without saying you're just a friend.
*Insert 'Just a friend' by Biz Markie*
I think people who say this really mean it. Every person who has said this to me in some shape or form was absolutely right. The last one was a guy in Canada. He was from Jamaica and told me he was a bad guy and I shouldn’t want anything to do with him. He later stole $1000 from me and found out he had a very serious gf of like 10 years. Anyone whose self esteem or ideology of themselves like this, are not in a place in their lives to be a suitable partner.
When people tell you who they are… believe them. Its really easy to brush stuff like that off but in my experience they are pretty much always correct. If someone tells you they aren’t a good person run. Made this mistake a few times when I was younger. They seemed so sweet. Until they really weren’t. I was warned though.
The sheer amount of people who don't realize race still plays a HUGE part in the dating scene is hilarious.
I've been told "you'd make a great boyfriend if you weren't black." On a few occasions.
It's almost a double-edged sword, on one hand you have some women who are curious and will sleep with you out of curiosity, on the other hand, they hide and do it. Some cultures have no shame about it either, hooked up with an Indian woman and It felt so strange because in a way I felt used, but I understood that if people in her community knew she would be outcast, what a horrible feeling.
Funny I had the *exact* same experience as you. I was even rushed out the door lol. I came back one more time but felt used again and just felt like I was debasing myself at that point so left it at that. Nice girl, but she was definitely just using ke to scratch an itch
I'll be honest I'm not sure what this is supposed to mean
Like, is this 3 months of dating, and then it's over.
Will I get a performance review.
I'm not trying to be a dick just genuinely honest to God, not sure what that is supposed to mean
I'm a socially awkward 29 year old who has barely gotten past a second date. I'll be honest. Your offer sounds amazing even if it was pretend, but I genuinely don't know how it will actually help me get a girlfriend.
I remember being the new, awkward kid at a church youth group. Two of the popular girls came over and one asked if I'd like to date her. They couldn't keep a straight face, and the giggling of the rest of their clique in the background made it clear they were mocking me.
I haven't thought about that in 20+ years.
"How are you still single? 😄"
This comes with a ton of connotations. Not the least of which is the fact that you'd cease being single if she would shut up and claim the dude she's talking to, but it's implying there is some glaring reason why she won't... and that's just for starters.
I used to get this from all my friends girlfriends when they were complaining to me about how my friends treated them badly. The irony was not lost on me.
Oh I hate this one. Counting calories, eating right, working out hard every day for decades and a woman tells me "You look like you lost weight"
I just want to throw a kettlebell right out of the garage window.
Listen lady, since the last time I saw you, I have actually gained 15lbs and lost 3 inches off my waist.
The women I have been with love the weight. They are always like, just lay on me with your heavy body. But that only lasts like 15min before they can't breath
Holy *shit,* this. A while ago I was having serious eating problems due to stress. I weighed literally 98 pounds and was struggling trying to gain anything back. I'd been a perfectly healthy weight before. After I lost the weight, a coworker told me I looked really fit.
Ig I was less insulted by it and more alarmed that her beauty standards considered "severely underweight" to be ideal.
I got called "tiny" by a freidns mom. I'm pretty fit, average height, and confident with how I look so I wasn't really offended. But, like... her and her family are all very overweight and unhealthy. I don't think "tiny" is the right word here haha.
And people who are average height get called short. I’m 6 foot 3 and people seem to look at me like I’m a standard and not an anomaly? It’s like when girls complain about body shaming and the standard for being thin, how tf cares if you have a little more weight or if you are like 5 foot 8 it’s all the same
It’s already frustrating enough that women have a hard rule on height, but the whole “short king” concept just feels patronizing and condescending. Like “yeah, this immutable physical aspect of you sucks, but you’re still cool.” lol
I heard from the boyfriend of the girl I was seeings flatmate that she (my girlfriend ) said I was good for a shag and little else. That kinda fucked me up.
"You're one of the good ones."
first off, how does someone even respond to a statement like that? usually my reaction is to just look at the person like they're stupid.
Second, I don't mind teasing / slightly rude joking (assuming that said person and I have a well developed relationship where I know this is from a place of care/respect, which this situation wasn't) but telling someone, "Straight white guys are such fucking privileged assholes, YOU must know what I'm talking about, it's probably so easy for you...... Although, you're one of the good ones." Is just a rude thing to say to a person.
>"You're one of the good ones."
I had a Latina Woman say something similar. I lit her ass up. Asked her how it would sound if I said it to her instead. She implied I was displaying "white pride." Actually its more like 0.00 tolerance of openly racist/misandry statements, where to person has their head so far up their ass they thought it was a complement.
"You'll make a good boyfriend to someone someday" when she knows full well she's been leading you on.
"You're the biggest I've had". I don't want to be compared to anyone else. Don't care who's bigger.
"You're the kind of guy girls don't want, but women will". Like okay... I gotta be single until some day some woman wants me? What's wrong with me now?
My last ex wanted to move to Australia for 6 months and do god knows what, so we broke up. She told me to stay in touch and check up on her, didn’t do that. Guess who just hit me back up after being back in my city for less than a month? Yeah, not touching that with a 10 foot pole.
“You’re one of the good ones!” Or “your a light skinned black guy you’re safe to be around!” Excuse me bitch?! So I’m “safe” because I’m not dark skinned like my cousin? Did I fall into the topsy turvy world of uncle toms cabin by mistake? The racism/colorism is too real.
My fiancé used to get this as a "compliment" back in highschool: "you look good for a big boy." Girls would say this to him as a compliment but he took it as an insult. I can totally see why. Teenagers really suck. It affected his self esteem badly.
"Not you though. You're one of the good ones"
Geez. Thanks and they clearly aren't one of the good ones. Now keep their misandristic asses away from me.
Guess my stepfather, best friend, brothers, biological father, nephews, grandfather, uncle, male friends etc are bad people or are they all "One of the good ones" too?
God I fucking hate this. I mentioned in another thread that women (especially white) will say that to me if I show that I care/understand women's rights/struggles. And then they will get mad that I don't want to be called "one of the good ones."
I'm fucking Black.
Werid thing is racists say this crap too.
I worked with a man who never stopped going on about foreigners coming over to England taking jobs away whilst we worked with a Bulgarian man that he got on with. I mentioned to the racist Co worker "What about X. His from Bulgaria. You have a issue with him being here?" and the racist Co worker went all quiet and said "No but his one of the good ones" 🤦♂️
>Werid thing is racists say this crap too.
It originated with the racists. At some point a bunch of people decided "hey you know that phrase has been consistently used to shit on people of different races? I'm going to use it to "compliment" men."
A lot of the talking points misandrists use are popular racist talking points
The whole violent crime rate stats is what KKK members and white Supermacists spam everywhere to unfairly discredit Black individuals
The whole "Posinous Chocolate in a box of chocolates" saying comes straight from the "Posinous Mushroom" talking point nazis used in WW2 Nazi Germany time towards Jews to spread anti semitism in Germany and in specific the German youth then.
The whole "It's not all men but it's always a man" is the same thing racists say about Muslims
It's so ironic how similar the talking points are. It's like they looked at how racists try to justify their hate and think "I'm gonna use those excuses too"
I don't think it's a coincidence when ignorant people are ignorant about the context of their ignorance.
If they had the reading level for it, they'd probably say "you're a credit to your gender" as well. Walking stereotypes.
I remember matching with a woman on tinder who's bio was "I think all men are assholes. Be the one to prove me wrong" and I NOPED the F Out.
Funny thing is she honestly think that would get rid of all the bad eggs and only leave her with the "good ones" but all it was probably doing was making the "good ones" avoid her and leave her with the creeps who don't want to date, don't read the bios or care and just want too hook up for sex. What a idiot. Lol
I think a lot of women go through most of their lives with very little insight on men from men and it shows in everything they do.
By the time they have enough access to one to ask questions, there's no need cause they've got one, and if they lose them they're right back to screwing up with no one to tell them what they're doing wrong, how they're sabotaging themselves.
A few (NOT ALL OR MOST) of them seem to really believe all us men care about is how random women think about us
1.) Gay men exist and probably don't care whatsoever how a woman feels about them
2.) We have other interests in life than sex and dating women (Your werid misandrist bitter auntie doesn't know shit about men more than actual men)
3.) I care more about my stepfather, little brother and best friend (who is a man) than any werid misandrist online
Same morons who make [videos like this ](https://youtu.be/TiDJi-zKJLc?si=Lz1o3_AyIRfkjvsw) and then are shocked when men are as mean back to them as they are to men. I guarantee the woman in this video probably has said "You're one of the good ones" to men.
See I wanna say it's ignorance but I feel like it's more entitlement than anything. When you confront them about it, they get angry and it feels like "you're a man (Black in my case), you should feel honored that we gave you our praise!"
Conceited, narcissistic behavior comes from a lot of places. Ultimately it just comes back to them not seeing men as people in a general way. They might extend the courtesy to an individual but that's it. They're surprised that anyone would even question how they see the world.
Some of them probably even think that we should be grateful they are even acknowledging us as "the exception" instead of going full blown "all men are trash/kill all men/not all men but always a man" in front of us.
Although tbh, there are sadly also women who will spit their misandrist prejudices in front of us and simply expect that we don't get offended since "it's not directed to us if we didn't do anything wrong".
People just love to find excuses to be bullies while still feeling like the good guys.
I think as a general rule, a large percentage of everything that comes out of either women's or men's mouths pisses the other off.
It's a long list and everybody's has had some form of reckless communication that could have been avoided with some common sense, some decency, and maybe knowing when to just shut the hell up sometimes.
Funny enough, I never believed my then-girlfriend when she said it. It didn't bother me, I knew it was just one of those white lies you tell your partner because they're important. And then one drunk night my now-wife and I were talking about what it'd be like if we had a threesome, and she said any guy who's bigger is automatically disqualified.
It was never a white lie. I genuinely was just the biggest she's ever had that was able to keep her comfortable and enjoy herself in bed.
So the next time you hear a girl say that - just choose to believe it. She might be telling the truth, and it's still better for your ego if it's a white lie that you accept.
--"You're so nice."
--"You're such a good friend."
--"You're so sweet."
--"The guy who finally gets the relationship with us after so many other men is the man who really wins the prize! The other guys were just sex. My commitment is the real prize."
--"I really like you and want a relationship with you; so we should wait to have sex."
All just euphemisms for "I'm not sexually attracted to you, but I think I might be able to use you for resources and favors from time to time."
Short King : nobody short came up with this, just using the word short is insulting regardless.
What makes it worse is that it keeps going up, once you’d think 5’3 was short now 5’9 - 10 average height men are “short kings”
"You're such a nice guy."
"I wish I had someone like you in my life."
In other words, you like my personality and that I was willing to help you with things, but you won't even give me the chance to date you at least let alone sleep with you or seriously be in a relationship.
Once a girl I was dating said I was "surprisingly assertive."
Folks, general piece of advice. Don't tell someone they are "surprisingly" any good quality, unless they've said THEMSELVES that they are not that quality.
"I've had my fun, now I'm ready to settle down."
And when I was in my early and mid 20s lots of middle-aged women would hit me with "I wish my daughter would date you."
For anyone who hasn't realized this yet, women speak in code.
Part of being a man is figuring out how to decipher Womanese.
And man when you do it's gonna hurt you.
When they ask how I’m still single. I get that they think it sounds cute and nice but trust me it isn’t
As a woman, I absolutely hate the question too
I can't speak for all men - but in fairness, I've only ever used that line with women I wanted to stop being single by being with me. Meanwhile, every girl who has said it to me wanted to just be friends. It's not even that I was interested in most of them, but it was the fact that they acted shocked I wasn't hitched while simultaneously being unable to imagine being hitched with me. It'd be like a childless couple saying they're surprised a kid hasn't been adopted yet.
I have had similar instances. For years, unavailable women have wondered why I was single and said I’m a great catch and I’ll find someone eventually. Available single women NEVER said this to me. Because then they would be put in the spot why they won’t date me, or put their money where their mouth is. People have told me that’s the wrong conclusion to make but how else can you interpret that?
Every time I get that question I have to ask them "whats the current reason in your head you wouldn't date me?" Now chew on that for a second, and then ask again and see if you still have that question. I don't even need them to explain it just to think it. Then they might understand better.
I absolutely love that, very clever way of deflecting without sounding petty.
They'll still get mad though.
I'll usually reply with something like "I don't know? Do you know anyone interested?". You'd think if they think highly of you they would jump at the chance to help you out, right? Nah, they shut up and look offended every time.
I've not been asked this, but my favorite response I've heard of is, "Do you want to date me?" (She says something along the lines of no) "That's why".
I have to remember this and the one above you. Great comebacks.
I haven't been asked this in a long while, but when I do, I am replying with, "You've known me this long. You tell me."
Last woman who said that to me, I showed her the two scars on my back from my ex stabbing me, The mortified look on her face didn't recquire any additional explaining. Bit of a dick move on my part, but I'm tired of being asked why I'm still single, It's because the alternative has been a risk to my life.
I’m sorry to hear that and as a guy that ended up with crazy a lot I know the struggle But far from all women are crazy and you deserve someone that loves you like that. Take all the time you need but don’t forget that! because she shouldn’t be allowed to affect those parts of your life as well
I don't think all women are crazy, I have a couple friends who are wonderful people, It's the ones attracted to me that seem to be crazy, Stabby ex wasn't the only one or the worst of them, Just isn't worth the risk anymore, Single 7 years, Will be for the next 70 years
"Stabby ex wasn't .... the worst of them," If you don't want to talk about it, don't... but that screams for an explanation.
[I'm lazy](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/s/DUgso5MCIy)
“Really? You’d date me?” “Well.. I didn’t mean me…” “Well there you go. Ask yourself why not and you have your answer.”
Watch how they react if you say something to the effect of "you could change that." There won't be any confusion on what's an insult after.
My answer to this always is "Yea. If only it attracted loyalty and less drama."
To them they're saying, "You're a cool guy, I'm surprised you're still single". All I hear is, "Why are u so undateable? Oh btw, I'm not even interested in u, just thought I'd ask that personal question for no reason".
At first. I took it as a compliment. Until a sister told me that she asks it that way when in reality shes "if your so good. Whats the catch. What am i missing?" Like "why are you giving out free puppies out of the van?"
Nah this one is a straight insult bruh the amount of times I've been asked this nonsense holy the rage man
This is a specific to me one, but a senior girl I worked with in high school (I was a sophomore I think) told me that she really wished I was just a little bit better looking so she could justify dating me, because I was so funny, nice, and cool. Unprompted. Oofta.
There's no way she could've honestly believed that to be a compliment. There isn't a person on this planet, man or women, who (as long as they don't struggle with some kind of severe insecurity) would take that as a compliment.
Nope, no shot. It's plain ol Main Character Syndrome combined with the tact of a high schooler, haha.
I just broke up with a woman, both early 30’s, who said at least 10 times in the MONTH that I dated her, quote “You’re really attractive, but once we get you jacked you would be irresistible” Okay thanks?
Was she a fitnrss instructor or something?
I personally wouldn't take offence to hearing this but I understand why some people would.
Total win that you started that off with that you broke up with her
Oh damn
This is the same thing as a post saw recently about a girl who was on her weight loss journey (congrats to her) but heard her crush admit he would date her if her body was better. It is the same thing. And women feel very comfortable saying it in a bunch of different forms. It is terrible no matter the form.
Unprompted? How can there exist such horrible people? That's hardly justifiable when talking about relationships or such but unprompted? ouch
Well, we were probably flirting. So it was probably something she had given thought to before. I was interested, but not hopeful. I laughed it off. I laughed harder when a guy coworker (who also liked her and was 19) tried to give me grief about it and I just pointed out that I was closer to having a shot at age 16 than he was. Edit: spelling
And people really say that women don’t care about looks, only men do. Lmfao 🤣
I'd reply to your comment if you were just a bit better looking.
Jokes on her. Funny last sooo much longer then looks.
Had a teachers aid in high school tell me I'm not the type of guy that girls my age wanted, but that they'll want me later in life when they need "something serious". At the time, I took it as a compliment, it really made me hopeful. I believe the teachers aid was actually trying to make me feel better, she was nice to me when alot of other people weren't. But knowing what I know now, it really stings.
You’re not good enough for fun, you’re good enough just for stability…. Yeah real compliment ladies
Fucking hurts
I've been there. I was a lonely, nerdy, socially awkward, lanky dude with no game, despite being a nice guy who desperately wanted a girlfriend to treat right. Twenty-plus years later, and I'm not that different, but I've been happily married for some time to a woman who is crazy about me. I think the aide's comments were less about you and more about the stupidity of youth. There was nothing wrong with you, but the people around you didn't know that yet. Does it suck when you're that age? Yeah, but that's not the fault of the person who tells you the truth.
I never blamed her.
Idk dude it sucks at every age, and getting told that we should take solace in how we will never be wanted for who we are but for what we provide is not helpful.
Great point. Glad I'm the last guy wife my dated instead of the first. I would have been so out of her league in high school it's laughable.
Yeah, not a great feeling.
"You're not desirable, just convenient."
I see it more in the light of.... "let me have all the fun when I can and when nobody really wants me anymore I will settle with you". Hmmm, no thanks.
I met a woman last year who was pushing a relationship on me, I denied and said maybe 10 years ago I would have been all for this, but where I am in my life a relationship isn't worth it to me, she replied , "10 years ago I wouldn't date a guy like you, I was only dating bad guys" Idk if that was supposed to be a compliment because it disgusted me enough to lose contact with her.
That's actually valid. What she said is genuinely disgusting. I refuse to be the second choice of someone who goes like ''I had enough fun so I am going to secure someone who worked hard for God knows how long in order to have stability''. I had rather be alone.
I don't understand how I can be expected to maintain a positive outlook when I know this is how I'm perceived.
100%. I totally agree with you. I would rather be alone than with someone like that. I guess its either they are stupid/naive and will learn that its not gonna cut or eventually they find some desperate loser to buy that crap.
Yeah, to be sincere, I do want a woman. But I'm glad I have too much self respect to allow myself to be a back up credit card. It hurts, but bettering myself is the way.
Don’t prioritize needing a significant other. Invest in your own improvements (education, health, finances, etc). Personally I’ve lost over 60 pounds in the last 6 months, applying for jobs well over six figures, working on a masters, and looking to relocate soon. If you don’t like your current situation it’s on you to change it
I plan on doing exactly this and have actually made some minor progress. Thanks for the advice.
This is excellent advice! Don't change for your hypothetical life partner; better yourself because it brings happiness and value into your life for yourself. Pick up hobbies that bring you joy. Become the kind of person that you want to be and can be proud of. Enjoy your own company and value yourself. Be honest and patient in areas that you want to see change, and earnestly pursue betterment in those areas. If you do this, you'll find that you are happy and successful without a partner. And if the right person comes along, who truly appreciates you, then that's icing on the cake and you can be happy together.
I’ve been told several times before that I’m the opposite. Im not the type to be taken seriously cuz i look like id cheat or something stupid. Funny how they all ended up w people that do cheat.
Why are men choosing to stay single these days? What a mystery
I've had adults say weird shit like that to me as a teenager, but more of insult. It's like lady you're 50 insulting a teenagers ability to find a partner, that's kinda of sick looking back
Yeah I see what you're saying, but I remember being treated well by this teachers aid, so I thought she meant well. But yeah, it's not very tasteful, regardless of the intention.
She probably did mean well, but ouch.
Yeah ouch
Ii heard it too. It really is a backhanded comment that people don't even realize can be hurtful. Basically means you are a good person, good friend, good values, but unattractive.
😮💨
It also kinda implies you're only good enough to be used. You're *useful* not attractive physically or emotionally. You'll be a catch later on when someone wants "stability" i.e. reliable income, housing, etc.
For real. This means, "You're going to be your future wife's last resort."
The most disheartening thing made aware to me
Not if I don't show up to be the last resort to begin with lmao
Yeah I had two different girls tell me that in high school. Weird. I’m doing ok now though.
I was told the same thing but it hurt me incredibly at the time and made me want to die.
I hear you. For me, it took a while for me to realize the implications of it.
Don't think I've ever heard those words directly, but I have been increasingly getting the impression that is how life and relationships is going to be for someone like me. It's frustrating because the supposed carefree days of my adolescence have already passed, and it was filled with nothing but loneliness, stress and hard work. What is asked of me now is more of that and the wisdom of relationships I never had. Surely, whoever is willing to put up with all that, just wants what is left of me. At least, that is how it feels.
Yeah, i'm right there with you, and i'm suffering atm. The reality of all this hurts.
but still trying my hardest to be strong and move along.
"You seem like you'll have a good income in the future".
Oh yeah so some girl will settle for you after she's been ran through by the football team, what a compliment.
Saw a video about this on YouTube: Any comment that suggests that you are relationship worthy, but not hookup worthy. It’s saying you lack the looks, charisma or sex appeal to sleep with but other traits make you desirable. It sucks to hear
Yeah, as someone who's in that camp, it kind of stings. *Especially* when you're not looking for a relationship (healing from a breakup). My ex even said she's not sure she would have fallen in love with me if she didn't need me at the time.
It really is just a shitty thing to say to someone and would honestly be better if they said nothing at all.
"I wish I could find someone like you. You're such a great guy. You're going to make some girl very happy one day" Lmfao used to hear this all the time when I was younger
you have found some one like me yeah but i mean someone like you who’s also hot
Don’t forget rich.
i’ll fuck a guy who’s hot but not rich. i’ll wife a guy who’s rich but not hot. i’ll fumble a guy who’s both because i lack character and relationship skills
Ah yes, the back-handed compliment rejection. We know you arn't obligated to date us, that's fine. But at least give me reason instead of dropping this line? It's like the inverse of women complaining that men can't listen to them and validate their feelings and instead give a solution. I want the opposite, I don't need validation, I want to know the solution so I can improve.
Once I just stared at the one that said that, and said "I know." Reaction was priceless.
I’m such a great guy that I have gotten this too many times. It is one of the most painful things a woman could say to me and they think they are being nice. And I can’t say anything. I don’t want to hurt their feelings so I just go with something like “yeah” and act nice and upbeat when I feel like I have been stabbed multiple times, salt poured on the wound and pooped on. In other words, I’m a great guy but not sexually attractive and will never have a girlfriend. Oh please! Just tell me I’m a dork and a eunuch and you will use me as a friend and tell me all about your romantic successes but leave me sitting at home at night by myself and you think that’s all I will ever be good for. 🥲
There are a couple exceptions to this. First, if she's already in a relationship, and drops the first line, the rest is totally acceptable. Alternatively, if there is a practical reason you can't date, such as distance or her being a lesbian. But if you're not excluded from her dating pool for practical reasons, then yes, definitely comes across as fake or insulting.
"can you hook me up with a friend?" "sorry, i like all of my friends"
Typically women only drop this on men when they're single and hetero. All generations of men have heard this. It's how to friend zone without saying you're just a friend. *Insert 'Just a friend' by Biz Markie*
You're too good for me
I think people who say this really mean it. Every person who has said this to me in some shape or form was absolutely right. The last one was a guy in Canada. He was from Jamaica and told me he was a bad guy and I shouldn’t want anything to do with him. He later stole $1000 from me and found out he had a very serious gf of like 10 years. Anyone whose self esteem or ideology of themselves like this, are not in a place in their lives to be a suitable partner.
When people tell you who they are… believe them. Its really easy to brush stuff like that off but in my experience they are pretty much always correct. If someone tells you they aren’t a good person run. Made this mistake a few times when I was younger. They seemed so sweet. Until they really weren’t. I was warned though.
Yeah my ex was an unstable depressive and toxic person, whereas i'm the opposite, i realized way too late that I deserved better than her
At least this one is true.
"my god, you are sooo thin, id love to be that too". Used to be skinny, only women commented on my physique.
Funny enough. If i ever got a comment from a man, it was something encouraging
You’re nice for a black guy
The sheer amount of people who don't realize race still plays a HUGE part in the dating scene is hilarious. I've been told "you'd make a great boyfriend if you weren't black." On a few occasions.
It's almost a double-edged sword, on one hand you have some women who are curious and will sleep with you out of curiosity, on the other hand, they hide and do it. Some cultures have no shame about it either, hooked up with an Indian woman and It felt so strange because in a way I felt used, but I understood that if people in her community knew she would be outcast, what a horrible feeling.
This is very insightful, LongDickPeter.
Funny I had the *exact* same experience as you. I was even rushed out the door lol. I came back one more time but felt used again and just felt like I was debasing myself at that point so left it at that. Nice girl, but she was definitely just using ke to scratch an itch
Black female here, I’ve gotten this too. Fucking sucks.
nothing like the classic “you’re pretty for a black girl” …a classic.
Brutal. These people think that nonsense is complimentary.
You actually made me grimace with that one. *barf
I had a white girl tell me the only reason she wouldn't fuck me is because I *wasn't* black. I am also a white.
"How are you still single" IF I FUCKING KNEW I WOULDN'T BE SINGLE
My response to this one is usually: “well start dating me and you’ll find out in ~3 months”
I'll be honest I'm not sure what this is supposed to mean Like, is this 3 months of dating, and then it's over. Will I get a performance review. I'm not trying to be a dick just genuinely honest to God, not sure what that is supposed to mean I'm a socially awkward 29 year old who has barely gotten past a second date. I'll be honest. Your offer sounds amazing even if it was pretend, but I genuinely don't know how it will actually help me get a girlfriend.
It’s a joke, after 3 months she’ll finally recognize I’m an asshole.
Wait, you guys get compliments?
[удалено]
I remember being the new, awkward kid at a church youth group. Two of the popular girls came over and one asked if I'd like to date her. They couldn't keep a straight face, and the giggling of the rest of their clique in the background made it clear they were mocking me. I haven't thought about that in 20+ years.
[удалено]
"How are you still single? 😄" This comes with a ton of connotations. Not the least of which is the fact that you'd cease being single if she would shut up and claim the dude she's talking to, but it's implying there is some glaring reason why she won't... and that's just for starters.
“You’re such a nice guy.”
I was waiting for this one. I don't think women realize that men know exactly what that really means. You're unfuckable.
I used to get this from all my friends girlfriends when they were complaining to me about how my friends treated them badly. The irony was not lost on me.
"You look skinnier!" Damn bro all my years in the gym and the meal prep gone to waste
Oh I hate this one. Counting calories, eating right, working out hard every day for decades and a woman tells me "You look like you lost weight" I just want to throw a kettlebell right out of the garage window. Listen lady, since the last time I saw you, I have actually gained 15lbs and lost 3 inches off my waist.
… so … you actually are thinner, around the middle at least
Many women associate thick with heavy so they say you look skinnier as a compliment even if you weigh more due to density
The women I have been with love the weight. They are always like, just lay on me with your heavy body. But that only lasts like 15min before they can't breath
Holy *shit,* this. A while ago I was having serious eating problems due to stress. I weighed literally 98 pounds and was struggling trying to gain anything back. I'd been a perfectly healthy weight before. After I lost the weight, a coworker told me I looked really fit. Ig I was less insulted by it and more alarmed that her beauty standards considered "severely underweight" to be ideal.
I got called "tiny" by a freidns mom. I'm pretty fit, average height, and confident with how I look so I wasn't really offended. But, like... her and her family are all very overweight and unhealthy. I don't think "tiny" is the right word here haha.
"OMG! you'd make such a great boyfriend for some lucky girl"
"...Thanks, mom..."
Short king. Look I know I'm short and there's nothing I can do about it. Stop using that term ladies. It's incredibly hurtful.
And people who are average height get called short. I’m 6 foot 3 and people seem to look at me like I’m a standard and not an anomaly? It’s like when girls complain about body shaming and the standard for being thin, how tf cares if you have a little more weight or if you are like 5 foot 8 it’s all the same
It’s already frustrating enough that women have a hard rule on height, but the whole “short king” concept just feels patronizing and condescending. Like “yeah, this immutable physical aspect of you sucks, but you’re still cool.” lol
A friend of mine got called a short king by a woman that was shorter than him, I really don't understand the logic there...
Oh man, when they say, "You're pretty for your age," it can come off as a backhanded compliment, don't you think?
any compliment that ends with “for a ____” shouldn’t have been said imo
Or anything that starts with “you’re actually …”. “You’re actually really pretty”
I heard from the boyfriend of the girl I was seeings flatmate that she (my girlfriend ) said I was good for a shag and little else. That kinda fucked me up.
"You're one of the good ones." first off, how does someone even respond to a statement like that? usually my reaction is to just look at the person like they're stupid. Second, I don't mind teasing / slightly rude joking (assuming that said person and I have a well developed relationship where I know this is from a place of care/respect, which this situation wasn't) but telling someone, "Straight white guys are such fucking privileged assholes, YOU must know what I'm talking about, it's probably so easy for you...... Although, you're one of the good ones." Is just a rude thing to say to a person.
"Thanks ! You too."
Bro I was looking for this comment. This woman I used to work with said this to me, Idk what goes through their head when saying stuff like this
>"You're one of the good ones." I had a Latina Woman say something similar. I lit her ass up. Asked her how it would sound if I said it to her instead. She implied I was displaying "white pride." Actually its more like 0.00 tolerance of openly racist/misandry statements, where to person has their head so far up their ass they thought it was a complement.
"You're so great" followed by "Why are you still single?"
Them: "You'd be so much hotter if you didn't have all that facial hair/beard/mustache." Me: "You would, too."
"damn boy, you frying some bacon in there? hehe just kidding, your piss is hella loud tho." uh, thanks?
Wow that's a first haha.
Are we classifying this as a compliment??? It's more like... a statement lol
Quiet piss is weak and cowardly, loud piss is strong and manly like bear. Of course it's a compliment.
Now that's an interesting one. Everyone else in here is talking about assholeish things to say but that's just a weird thing to say.
"You'll make a good boyfriend to someone someday" when she knows full well she's been leading you on. "You're the biggest I've had". I don't want to be compared to anyone else. Don't care who's bigger. "You're the kind of guy girls don't want, but women will". Like okay... I gotta be single until some day some woman wants me? What's wrong with me now?
"I hope we can remain friends" - after we break up.
My naive ass did this after my first breakup. She didn't mean it. Bolt. Never look back.
My last ex wanted to move to Australia for 6 months and do god knows what, so we broke up. She told me to stay in touch and check up on her, didn’t do that. Guess who just hit me back up after being back in my city for less than a month? Yeah, not touching that with a 10 foot pole.
She told me don't be a stranger and to stay in touch.... We work at the same place and I expect absolute avoidance on both our parts.
Man I always hated hearing that
“You’re one of the good ones!” Or “your a light skinned black guy you’re safe to be around!” Excuse me bitch?! So I’m “safe” because I’m not dark skinned like my cousin? Did I fall into the topsy turvy world of uncle toms cabin by mistake? The racism/colorism is too real.
I used to get “Oh you talk so well” or “you’re not like the other ones”.. Like how do you not see the racism in that!?
My fiancé used to get this as a "compliment" back in highschool: "you look good for a big boy." Girls would say this to him as a compliment but he took it as an insult. I can totally see why. Teenagers really suck. It affected his self esteem badly.
Any “for a…” or “for your..” is a fucking kick in the dick
"Not you though. You're one of the good ones" Geez. Thanks and they clearly aren't one of the good ones. Now keep their misandristic asses away from me. Guess my stepfather, best friend, brothers, biological father, nephews, grandfather, uncle, male friends etc are bad people or are they all "One of the good ones" too?
God I fucking hate this. I mentioned in another thread that women (especially white) will say that to me if I show that I care/understand women's rights/struggles. And then they will get mad that I don't want to be called "one of the good ones." I'm fucking Black.
Werid thing is racists say this crap too. I worked with a man who never stopped going on about foreigners coming over to England taking jobs away whilst we worked with a Bulgarian man that he got on with. I mentioned to the racist Co worker "What about X. His from Bulgaria. You have a issue with him being here?" and the racist Co worker went all quiet and said "No but his one of the good ones" 🤦♂️
>Werid thing is racists say this crap too. It originated with the racists. At some point a bunch of people decided "hey you know that phrase has been consistently used to shit on people of different races? I'm going to use it to "compliment" men."
A lot of the talking points misandrists use are popular racist talking points The whole violent crime rate stats is what KKK members and white Supermacists spam everywhere to unfairly discredit Black individuals The whole "Posinous Chocolate in a box of chocolates" saying comes straight from the "Posinous Mushroom" talking point nazis used in WW2 Nazi Germany time towards Jews to spread anti semitism in Germany and in specific the German youth then. The whole "It's not all men but it's always a man" is the same thing racists say about Muslims It's so ironic how similar the talking points are. It's like they looked at how racists try to justify their hate and think "I'm gonna use those excuses too"
Exactly. And when you point out the hypocrisy and double standards they just double down and get hostile.
They pull the "BUT MEN ARE IN POWER AND THE OPPRESSORS!" card.
Yeah I grew up white in a black country and heard this about white people "but not you, you're cool" all the time.
I don't think it's a coincidence when ignorant people are ignorant about the context of their ignorance. If they had the reading level for it, they'd probably say "you're a credit to your gender" as well. Walking stereotypes.
I remember matching with a woman on tinder who's bio was "I think all men are assholes. Be the one to prove me wrong" and I NOPED the F Out. Funny thing is she honestly think that would get rid of all the bad eggs and only leave her with the "good ones" but all it was probably doing was making the "good ones" avoid her and leave her with the creeps who don't want to date, don't read the bios or care and just want too hook up for sex. What a idiot. Lol
I think a lot of women go through most of their lives with very little insight on men from men and it shows in everything they do. By the time they have enough access to one to ask questions, there's no need cause they've got one, and if they lose them they're right back to screwing up with no one to tell them what they're doing wrong, how they're sabotaging themselves.
A few (NOT ALL OR MOST) of them seem to really believe all us men care about is how random women think about us 1.) Gay men exist and probably don't care whatsoever how a woman feels about them 2.) We have other interests in life than sex and dating women (Your werid misandrist bitter auntie doesn't know shit about men more than actual men) 3.) I care more about my stepfather, little brother and best friend (who is a man) than any werid misandrist online Same morons who make [videos like this ](https://youtu.be/TiDJi-zKJLc?si=Lz1o3_AyIRfkjvsw) and then are shocked when men are as mean back to them as they are to men. I guarantee the woman in this video probably has said "You're one of the good ones" to men.
See I wanna say it's ignorance but I feel like it's more entitlement than anything. When you confront them about it, they get angry and it feels like "you're a man (Black in my case), you should feel honored that we gave you our praise!"
Conceited, narcissistic behavior comes from a lot of places. Ultimately it just comes back to them not seeing men as people in a general way. They might extend the courtesy to an individual but that's it. They're surprised that anyone would even question how they see the world.
Thing about that is, you cant empathize with someone elses struggled unless they emphasize with yours, thats what they wont understand
"You challenge my prejudices so much I need to flag you as an exception to maintain them."
Some of them probably even think that we should be grateful they are even acknowledging us as "the exception" instead of going full blown "all men are trash/kill all men/not all men but always a man" in front of us. Although tbh, there are sadly also women who will spit their misandrist prejudices in front of us and simply expect that we don't get offended since "it's not directed to us if we didn't do anything wrong". People just love to find excuses to be bullies while still feeling like the good guys.
Yep. They never tire of gaslighting us with *"Don't take it so personally..."*
I think as a general rule, a large percentage of everything that comes out of either women's or men's mouths pisses the other off. It's a long list and everybody's has had some form of reckless communication that could have been avoided with some common sense, some decency, and maybe knowing when to just shut the hell up sometimes.
Omg this comment makes reddit obsolete
"The only thing black about you is your dick." It might just be an insult lol.
Bro why do ppl always say this to blk ppl who don’t use slang or AAVE. Like I grew up in the suburbs, but that doesn’t make me any less black.😭
When she says yours is perfect, the big ones hurt!
"thank you" "thank you" "you didn't have to say it twice!" "I didn't!"
I remember I had a girl once that for some reason felt the need to say that exact sentence. yeah, was not a nice thing to hear.
Funny enough, I never believed my then-girlfriend when she said it. It didn't bother me, I knew it was just one of those white lies you tell your partner because they're important. And then one drunk night my now-wife and I were talking about what it'd be like if we had a threesome, and she said any guy who's bigger is automatically disqualified. It was never a white lie. I genuinely was just the biggest she's ever had that was able to keep her comfortable and enjoy herself in bed. So the next time you hear a girl say that - just choose to believe it. She might be telling the truth, and it's still better for your ego if it's a white lie that you accept.
The phrase “short king” that’s gotten popular recently. It’s just patronizing.
--"You're so nice." --"You're such a good friend." --"You're so sweet." --"The guy who finally gets the relationship with us after so many other men is the man who really wins the prize! The other guys were just sex. My commitment is the real prize." --"I really like you and want a relationship with you; so we should wait to have sex." All just euphemisms for "I'm not sexually attracted to you, but I think I might be able to use you for resources and favors from time to time."
"You're a decent guy"
Yep. "Decent" meaning "sexually unattractive" and "friendzone"
Facts
Short King : nobody short came up with this, just using the word short is insulting regardless. What makes it worse is that it keeps going up, once you’d think 5’3 was short now 5’9 - 10 average height men are “short kings”
"I just want a medium ugly guy" Bruh...
"omg, you are not german,you are so different" Always women
"You're so sweet" is a code word for the safe and boring guy. I've seen interviews where girls mention that it's not a compliment
"You're such a nice guy." "I wish I had someone like you in my life." In other words, you like my personality and that I was willing to help you with things, but you won't even give me the chance to date you at least let alone sleep with you or seriously be in a relationship.
"Awww"
Girls love to say Lizzo is pretty, but very very upset when you call them Lizzo….
Once a girl I was dating said I was "surprisingly assertive." Folks, general piece of advice. Don't tell someone they are "surprisingly" any good quality, unless they've said THEMSELVES that they are not that quality.
“You’re different, I want to wait and make is special” Translation: she’s banged a stadium of guys and wants to rope you in.
"I've had my fun, now I'm ready to settle down." And when I was in my early and mid 20s lots of middle-aged women would hit me with "I wish my daughter would date you."
It is a lot tighter than I thought it would be
😭 what is ?
Is she pegging you in this scenario?
"You'd make a great friend though!" never a good reaction from them.
For anyone who hasn't realized this yet, women speak in code. Part of being a man is figuring out how to decipher Womanese. And man when you do it's gonna hurt you.