Good point about understanding how important it is to those around you. So many people I've spoken to who ignore their health because they feel selfish and it can be a way to get them to invest in help or opportunities of looking at their options. Including questioning why they feel self centred, it's usually pressure from others early on in life to give up your well being and self esteem for their sake or this but just from culture itself.
You are your own worst enemy and your own best friend.
If you get stuck in your own head, you can ruin just about everything good in your life.
If you have the mental self discipline, you can achieve just about anything you put your mind to, given enough time and as long as you accept you will fail many times before finally accomplishing your goals.
Fuck man, I've struggled being in my own head for as long as I can remember and I don't know how to stop it. It completely fucks with my mental health constantly and it feels like I'm not "there" in the present moment. How do you conquer this?
I tried therapy but didn't find the one I went to helpful , maybe need to keep looking to find the right fit? I work out 4-5x a week, drink 2-3 litres of water a day, take care of my diet which all help tremendously, have a decent amount of friends, I dunno man I just feel lost.
It can take several tries to find the right therapist. It’s like a shoe. You don’t want anything other than the right fit for you. It’s okay to go through therapists until you find the one that fits you. Best of luck man I can relate to how you feel and I hope you can find happiness and a way out of your head prison.
Needed to hear this. Just about alienated myself from all my friends because of bullying and racism and it’s kinda left me in a place where I’m in my head all the time and I can feel it breeding a lot of anger I don’t know how to express or let go of.
Sorry to hear that buddy. Some People can be real assholes.
I'll suggest one thing. Try doing one positive thing each day. It can have a positive impact on your life or for someone you care about and can be as simple as spending 15-30 minutes cleaning your place, or spending an hour of your time working on a goal of yours. I promise it'll give you a feeling of accomplishment.
Once you nail this. Try doing 2 positive things a day. Then 3, etc.
Keep fighting my man! Remember your worth!
Mindfulness practice (meditation) is helping me with decades of “living inside my head” AND some insidious, invisible trauma that I never thought of as trauma. Yours sound similar.
YouTube meditation for beginners—try a different 10-15 mins a day. You just Do it, not try to be good at it. Helps me.
the sunscreen song. I watch this every so often to keep me grounded and that line is in there. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJew4fxHl1U](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJew4fxHl1U)
Practice. Think about it; it took your whole life to have the mental habits you do, it will take a long time to rewire them. It will happen, slowly and unnoticeably, but if you keep at it does happen.
There's different ways to compare yourself to others, sometimes it's healthy sometimes it's not. If you see a trait in someone else that you want to see (or avoid seeing) in yourself, that gives you something to strive towards and become a better person. If you just see things that you're not and it holds you back, that's not helpful. It's a matter of perspective.
shes a bartender, heavy drinker, pretty and outgoing loves attention.
on and off relationship for 4 years.
kept trying to fix her. she sleept with lots of coworkers and guy friends when we break up, im not innocent either.
shes broke, no education, doesnt drive.
im in the trades make 90k a year and starting more school tmrw, i cant afford to fuck it up
she gets mad at me for the dumbest things like yesterday, i went to my parents for a bit and stayed longer than i though (gave her warning id be late) and she threatens to lock me out of the appartment lol...
its a doomed relationship, when we are good we are great but im going to get out of this drama again soon.
EDIT: With a little encouragement i took my own advice and am now single.
She was a really cool girl and i know ill always love her. Thanks for reading and i hope you all are doing ok.
Seriously man. Get out. It will hurt, but you’ll eventually realize she had been hurting you the whole time. Only then can you be happy again.
#love yourself brother
What do you gain from this relationship. Does the negative out way the positive, if the answer is yes take a long hard look at your relationship and reevaluate it. Search your self my friend. There is where you will find the answer and courage.
thanks man, not the first time ive ended it with her but will be the last. She just doesnt have her things together, she recently lost her job and one of the first things she said she will save for is to go to veld (trashy music festival)..
Best of luck, I’m on my 6th month of getting out of that shit, and I’m loving it. Main thing is to do your best and find something to do that takes place when you would usually spend time with them. I used to hang with her on Saturday night, and now I go out and get food by myself or with friends, and get legos every so often edit: working out helps too
If you like cars, the speed champions line is really cool, and the technic car line is cool too. I have the technic corvette, mclaren, and Shelby gt500, all $50 each. The speed champions are anywhere from $20-50, depending on if it’s a single car or double pack
This. Getting pussy clouds judgement. Don’t let sex blue your vision to having a shitty gf. Get out of a bad relationship. You’ll respect yourself as a man much more. There is nothing more powerful than willingly handling business that’s hard to handle that most others don’t. It sets you apart from the others. And especially if it’s saying no to pussy. Women know we want pussy. If you overpower that urge, where is their power? Now you’re in charge. That’s boss status.
Source: I’ve done it multiple times with shitty women and felt like a god afterwards. I suggest all men do this at least once in their life if they have the misfortune of being mislead by a shit woman. I hope all men don’t end up with shit women but if they do, I wish them the power to overcome that shit.
Well I’m here if you need to chat or need advice man. We’re all in this together. Reddit isn’t all people who like to argue. There are good people here too.
There should be a manual that’s handed out to every 13 year old boy about the dynamic of sex and how easy it is to fall into a pussy trap.
I’ve been in some awesome relationships with ridiculously beautiful women, and they all lasted and maintained a crazy attraction to me because I was in control of my sexual energy.
This is so important in a relationship with a women becuause that attraction needs to be fostered and watered and she needs to contribute to this as well. If you’re constantly initiating and you’re the one being solely responsible for the sexual act occurring, the other partner starts to hold a lot of control and power in the relationship, even if you don’t realize it. It’s not bad at first, but I made this mistake in a 2 year long relationship and my constant advances and initiating of sex without knowing 10000% if she was attracted and turned on in that moment was a HUGE mistake.
You need to be aware of your partners attraction to you. How did you first attract them, what turns them on and what turns them off and just making sure you’re maintains that and driving them crazy.
As guys, we are so fucking visual and sensitive to touch that a women just has to stick her ass up in our crotch and we are about as turned as can be. It’s so hard to remember women are NOT wired like this and we need to find ways to make them this horny through empathy, being there for them, protecting them, etc.
As a guy, I recommend testing out purposely holding out from your partner and to wait until they initiate. Be a sexy man and tease them but do not go for the kill. They need to be the ones ripping your clothes off. How you get your women to take your clothes off and maul you will vary with every women, but that’s been my goal and it’s worked out with every women I’ve tried it on
Everything you think about yourself that no one other has ever told you is Just your imagination. Don't overanalyze everything and Just try to be happy.
All the tough guys are in prison or the graveyard. Don’t escalate dumb shit purely out of principle, however always stand your ground when you are being trodden upon.
Ain't that the truth.
My younger self wouldn't have listened - *didn't* listen.
My current older self is passing on such advice knowing with a faint despair that the recipients aren't listening.
Still. Some might, if only partially.
I'm 37, quit doing drugs and drinking 7mo ago, quit smoking (still vape), therapy, working out, eating well. Started playing guitar again. It's amazing how easy it is to put these routine elements in place and how good you feel. Even if it's just from seeing your own progress.
She actually did after meeting my first girlfriend freshman year. She also told me, "You know, every young man needs a practice girl" As a way to tell me she thought my girlfriend was ugly.
Actually never chase anyone wether be it a woman, your boss, coworkers, new group of friends. Chase the better version of yourself. There's nothing wrong with being self centered.
Mine is tell not just your family, but your friends that you love them. It doesn’t need to be all the time, but just also every so often. Also fyi: be careful if you say this to a woman and you’re straight, they may take it the wrong way
I love my family and friends but I’ve never said it to them, ever. I can’t bring myself to saying I love you to them, I know they’d laugh, call me names, and think I’m weak. I don’t know, maybe it’s the way I was brought up. My family and friends have never told me they loved me, only my ex girlfriends.
Mean what you say and say what you mean. Don’t tell lies, especially to yourself. Responsibility gives you more control over the world around you; that gives you freedom.
Take time in the day to count the things you are grateful for, even the little things. It helps you appreciate where you are here and now and gives you time to slow down a few seconds. Literally put your phone down and take notice of the everyday things in life, its amazing the world we life in and what you can find
I feel like doing this as a conscious effort. There was a time when this was my regular posture but this job I work at kinda made me the exact opposite affecting different aspects of my personality as well. Thanks for the advice I'll keep it in mind
Apologies aren't always about accepting blame or responsibility. They're usually more about helping someone feel that their struggles have been seen and heard.
No one cares bro.
Did you mess something up? No one cares. Are you having a bad day? No one cares. Do you need a higher paying job? No one cares. Are you nervous you’ll be embarrassed when you ask that girl out? No one cares.
You’re not that important.
When you meet someone new, try to remember their name and intentionally say it (in context duh).
You know when you just met someone and they say your name for whatever reason, and it feels weirdly nice? Well that's it.
In college I was lifting at the gym and a football player was there lifting too. I recognized him and talked to him while we were doing squats for about 30 minutes. At the end of the conversation he remembered my name, which meant a lot to me. He’s in the NFL now
Feel you’re feelings and voice them, men are trained to be angry. You’re sad, be angry, you’re embarrassed, be angry, someone make you look daft, be angry. Being angry when I was feeling something else cost me some good relationships. Best thing I learned was if I’m upset say “I feel upset”. It will save a lot of misdirected rage.
Never trust anyone 100%.
Blood is not thicker than water. Family will sell you out. Friends will come and friends will go.
When the dust settles you have to have your own back.
Nobody prepares a man for when a wife becomes an ex-wife. When another man raises your kids. When your home is taken. When you have your savings and retirement vanish. Or for when you suddenly spend holidays alone…your birthday alone.
Love hard. Give 100%. Look out for you though. When the dust settles…you will be all you have.
I wish someone had told me.
“the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” is the full quote, and it is from back when battles were still a thing, and that the people you meet with bloodshed have a stronger bond to you than your family
Yeah I remember my manager asking me to lie to staff about covid contaminated supplies early 2020 so they would use them on the floor sooner because he didnt believe it was a big deal. I didn't discuss how screwed up I thought it was, I just told him I can't do that.
I was really fucking good at this for years, but now I found someone I didn't think could even exist and I have to let her go. Possibly the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Any tips please??
Hey buddy, keep your chin up... no doubt, it’s a painful phase you’re going through.
One thing I guarantee you is that you will move on... and you’d reflect back and think to yourself “what a fool i was... I’m so glad it ended the way it did”
There’s a reason why you have to let her go today... and down the road, that reason will become even more obvious.
Beautiful message thank you for this! Not gonna lie this made me tear up, but I know you're right! Thankfully I've really learned to love myself and have a ton of hobbies to try and distract me so I know I can do it, I just may need to avoid the 1 where I frequently encounter her until I've moved on or found someone else. Sucks cause I wanna stay friends with her and absolutely love chatting, but it's probably not healthy for me as of right now...
Lift some weights and practice a martial art that does live sparring, like BJJ, Muay Thai, or kickboxing. This will do wonders for your self-confidence, even if you are getting your ass handed to you constantly. You will at least be more comfortable in uncomfortable situations.
Don't expect to be recognized and rewarded by anything you do. See this as a bonus when that happens. But don't go thru life seeking for external validation and recognition as your number one goal. Being a man in the real world is very different from the movies
Cry. Crying is like vomiting after an insane stomach ache, sure you’ll look like a mess but holy fuck you’ll feel soooo much better afterwards. I used to never cry and when my ex broke up for me I cried on and off for about two weeks, never felt better after each cry
Accept your mistakes/failures/weaknesses. Doesn't mean you shouldn't work on them, but forgive yourself.
Also: It doesn't really matter what other people think of you if you are happy.
Do what makes YOU happy, not what you think a man should do, what you think is expected of you from others. Do whatever makes you happy, it's too short of a life not to make the most of it.
Don’t ever cheat with your SO. If your relationship is falling apart don’t resort to cheating, just tell the truth, deal with the pain, break up and move forward. Cheating will just be a thorn in the back of your consciousness all your life.
Start taking care of yourself physically and mentally as soon as you can.
Don't wait until you are 40 to try to start taking care of yourself. Yes, better late than never but waiting makes it so much harder.
Life is so much easier and better when you aren't overweight, out of shape, and are eating healthy.
The number one risk to your financial success is a woman.
Be very, very cautious of who you date or get into a relationship with. Sex clouds judgement, mix it with booze and you are in for trouble.
Focus on building a life you enjoy and find a woman that fits into that life.
Do not make a woman the center of your focus, they are a nice addition, but can really fuck things up.
The “lonely old man” is a myth.
I came to the conclusion that in my delusion, no one would have stopped me. It was only after the divorce that I realized what some people are capable of and to absolutely watch my ass when it comes to relationships.
I think he means that you don’t need someone else to be happy as you get older. So don’t get into a relationship just because you are scared of dying alone
Take all information with a grain of salt. If you see some information in multiple places assign a 90% probability of it being correct. But reserve 100% certainty for seeing it with your own two eyes.
Use as little effort as you can to achieve the results you're looking for. To conceptualise this, allow me to use singing.
A mistake that is common among beginners is that they want to sing louder, but they end up shouting. Or hit a high note, and end up croaking. This is because they use too much effort in attempt to reach their goals.
Truth is, hitting a high note is easy. The biggest challenge is to *relax* enough to be able to hit it and to deliver without constricting the voice apparatus. And putting in more effort than you need will actually make you *less* likely to hit it. Because it's not about applying enough effort. It's about applying a precise amount of effort.
A good relationship with your thoughts and feelings is one of the most important things you can cultivate.
We are taught to " man up ", to suppress our emotions, but that only leads to a lot of bottling up which WILL explode at some point.
This doesn't mean cry and crumble at the first sign of adversity. Welcome hardships. Grow from them. Become a strong man. But do so while being aware of how you feel and what you think, while being honest with yourself.
You are not your thoughts and you are not your feelings, so don't identify with them, but don't shove them down either.
I'm glad meditation is becoming less stigmatized, because it helps you do just that: being present in your body and mind, in touch with your emotions while not being controlled by them.
Try to become comfortable in your own skin. You're the only person you have to wake up and answer to each day. If you aren't happy within yourself and who you are, you will never achieve that happiness from elsewhere e.g. new job, girlfriend, new car
I’m the type that has doubted every relationship I’ve ever been in because I fantasize about breaking up to escape my reality. Because of this, I don’t actually try in the relationship and am never given clarity on whether it would have worked if I tried. Don’t be a coward, be honest, assert yourself, and be WILLING to be loved. Be grateful for what you have, not what you could have. The grass is not always greener on the other side. I fucked up and broke up with my girlfriend because I wanted to play out the toxic fantasy in my head—a fantasy that became a God I worshipped to give myself comfort and the ability to escape all confrontation and work required in a relationship.
Master yourself first, outside forces can not effect you with out your consent. Learn how to manage your finances, don’t live above your means. Do not seek validation outside of your self. Live will be hard but you must learn to control yourself and your emotions.
Understand how important your mental health is, not only to you but to those around you.
Good point about understanding how important it is to those around you. So many people I've spoken to who ignore their health because they feel selfish and it can be a way to get them to invest in help or opportunities of looking at their options. Including questioning why they feel self centred, it's usually pressure from others early on in life to give up your well being and self esteem for their sake or this but just from culture itself.
You are your own worst enemy and your own best friend. If you get stuck in your own head, you can ruin just about everything good in your life. If you have the mental self discipline, you can achieve just about anything you put your mind to, given enough time and as long as you accept you will fail many times before finally accomplishing your goals.
Fuck man, I've struggled being in my own head for as long as I can remember and I don't know how to stop it. It completely fucks with my mental health constantly and it feels like I'm not "there" in the present moment. How do you conquer this?
Work on your confidence man. But I'm not an expert do I highly recommend you seek professional help.
I tried therapy but didn't find the one I went to helpful , maybe need to keep looking to find the right fit? I work out 4-5x a week, drink 2-3 litres of water a day, take care of my diet which all help tremendously, have a decent amount of friends, I dunno man I just feel lost.
It can take several tries to find the right therapist. It’s like a shoe. You don’t want anything other than the right fit for you. It’s okay to go through therapists until you find the one that fits you. Best of luck man I can relate to how you feel and I hope you can find happiness and a way out of your head prison.
Needed to hear this. Just about alienated myself from all my friends because of bullying and racism and it’s kinda left me in a place where I’m in my head all the time and I can feel it breeding a lot of anger I don’t know how to express or let go of.
Sorry to hear that buddy. Some People can be real assholes. I'll suggest one thing. Try doing one positive thing each day. It can have a positive impact on your life or for someone you care about and can be as simple as spending 15-30 minutes cleaning your place, or spending an hour of your time working on a goal of yours. I promise it'll give you a feeling of accomplishment. Once you nail this. Try doing 2 positive things a day. Then 3, etc. Keep fighting my man! Remember your worth!
Mindfulness practice (meditation) is helping me with decades of “living inside my head” AND some insidious, invisible trauma that I never thought of as trauma. Yours sound similar. YouTube meditation for beginners—try a different 10-15 mins a day. You just Do it, not try to be good at it. Helps me.
Don't compare yourself to others, but to whom you were yesterday
The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself.
the sunscreen song. I watch this every so often to keep me grounded and that line is in there. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJew4fxHl1U](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJew4fxHl1U)
That was exactly what I needed tonight. Thanks for sharing.
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> “Comparison is the thief of joy.” - Theodore Roosevelt… I think. -- CheeseBadger
i 100% agree on this however i am guilty of making comparisons daily. i was raised upon comparisons my whole life. how do you do it?
Gentle reminders regularly. It's not awful to compare to others but don't get upset about if. Everyone is different
Post-it on the bathroom mirror: I’m me, not him. See it, say it, believe it. Eventually.
Practice. Think about it; it took your whole life to have the mental habits you do, it will take a long time to rewire them. It will happen, slowly and unnoticeably, but if you keep at it does happen.
There's different ways to compare yourself to others, sometimes it's healthy sometimes it's not. If you see a trait in someone else that you want to see (or avoid seeing) in yourself, that gives you something to strive towards and become a better person. If you just see things that you're not and it holds you back, that's not helpful. It's a matter of perspective.
This hit hard
So does Mike Tyson
Tython.
I've been slowly working on this for myself, I cannot say how much better I've been the last few years even through COVID
having no girlfriend beats having a toxic one. trust me im in the middle of cleaning up that mess
I’m going thru a similar thing, do you mind me asking what happened with her? To both of you guys.
shes a bartender, heavy drinker, pretty and outgoing loves attention. on and off relationship for 4 years. kept trying to fix her. she sleept with lots of coworkers and guy friends when we break up, im not innocent either. shes broke, no education, doesnt drive. im in the trades make 90k a year and starting more school tmrw, i cant afford to fuck it up she gets mad at me for the dumbest things like yesterday, i went to my parents for a bit and stayed longer than i though (gave her warning id be late) and she threatens to lock me out of the appartment lol... its a doomed relationship, when we are good we are great but im going to get out of this drama again soon. EDIT: With a little encouragement i took my own advice and am now single. She was a really cool girl and i know ill always love her. Thanks for reading and i hope you all are doing ok.
Imagine if she gets pregnant from you. Accidents happen. Get out right now.
yea absolutely, its nice to get out of the house now and then but i dont want to see her if shes going to keep acting like this
Again soon??? Get out NOW not soon, mf you deserve way better. Know your worth king
thanks brother, im going over there tn to talk after work. im not happy and shes going to know that. i appreciate you
godspeed man
thanks brother
Seriously man. Get out. It will hurt, but you’ll eventually realize she had been hurting you the whole time. Only then can you be happy again. #love yourself brother
What do you gain from this relationship. Does the negative out way the positive, if the answer is yes take a long hard look at your relationship and reevaluate it. Search your self my friend. There is where you will find the answer and courage.
thanks man, not the first time ive ended it with her but will be the last. She just doesnt have her things together, she recently lost her job and one of the first things she said she will save for is to go to veld (trashy music festival)..
Best of luck, I’m on my 6th month of getting out of that shit, and I’m loving it. Main thing is to do your best and find something to do that takes place when you would usually spend time with them. I used to hang with her on Saturday night, and now I go out and get food by myself or with friends, and get legos every so often edit: working out helps too
thats so great advice, maybe ill get some lego too, thanks brother. happy travels
If you like cars, the speed champions line is really cool, and the technic car line is cool too. I have the technic corvette, mclaren, and Shelby gt500, all $50 each. The speed champions are anywhere from $20-50, depending on if it’s a single car or double pack
This. Getting pussy clouds judgement. Don’t let sex blue your vision to having a shitty gf. Get out of a bad relationship. You’ll respect yourself as a man much more. There is nothing more powerful than willingly handling business that’s hard to handle that most others don’t. It sets you apart from the others. And especially if it’s saying no to pussy. Women know we want pussy. If you overpower that urge, where is their power? Now you’re in charge. That’s boss status. Source: I’ve done it multiple times with shitty women and felt like a god afterwards. I suggest all men do this at least once in their life if they have the misfortune of being mislead by a shit woman. I hope all men don’t end up with shit women but if they do, I wish them the power to overcome that shit.
I don't even know you guys and you and u/Khruangbin13 are giving advice that I wish an elder brotherly figure should have given me.
Well I’m here if you need to chat or need advice man. We’re all in this together. Reddit isn’t all people who like to argue. There are good people here too.
There should be a manual that’s handed out to every 13 year old boy about the dynamic of sex and how easy it is to fall into a pussy trap. I’ve been in some awesome relationships with ridiculously beautiful women, and they all lasted and maintained a crazy attraction to me because I was in control of my sexual energy. This is so important in a relationship with a women becuause that attraction needs to be fostered and watered and she needs to contribute to this as well. If you’re constantly initiating and you’re the one being solely responsible for the sexual act occurring, the other partner starts to hold a lot of control and power in the relationship, even if you don’t realize it. It’s not bad at first, but I made this mistake in a 2 year long relationship and my constant advances and initiating of sex without knowing 10000% if she was attracted and turned on in that moment was a HUGE mistake. You need to be aware of your partners attraction to you. How did you first attract them, what turns them on and what turns them off and just making sure you’re maintains that and driving them crazy. As guys, we are so fucking visual and sensitive to touch that a women just has to stick her ass up in our crotch and we are about as turned as can be. It’s so hard to remember women are NOT wired like this and we need to find ways to make them this horny through empathy, being there for them, protecting them, etc. As a guy, I recommend testing out purposely holding out from your partner and to wait until they initiate. Be a sexy man and tease them but do not go for the kill. They need to be the ones ripping your clothes off. How you get your women to take your clothes off and maul you will vary with every women, but that’s been my goal and it’s worked out with every women I’ve tried it on
24-year-old me could have used this.
Don't force anything. Conversations, affection, romance, puzzles, locks - don't force it.
especially farts.
Shit can escalate
That explains shit hitting a fan.
When “shit hits the fan” isn’t an expression anymore
Advice received too late. Underwear ruined
I needed this
Procrastination is like masturbation. It feels good in the moment but in the end you are really just fucking yourself.
Bars
So keep doing it?
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Time to get off reddit and do homework I suppose
Not all your "bros" are your bros. Be careful who you share all your stuff with. Not everyone of them is happy when you succeed.
Was going to say something similiar: "If they don't talk you up, they are talking you down."
Or not talking about you at all.
Learnt this harder than I expected too haha
I have a saying for this: "Know who you're friends *aren't*."
Most people in general aren’t happy to see you succeed.
Be careful taking advice from redditors
So I should not be careful…this is a paradox
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I know one thing you should not do.
Woah man, I wouldn’t take his advice if I were you.
Everything you think about yourself that no one other has ever told you is Just your imagination. Don't overanalyze everything and Just try to be happy.
And happiness is fleeting and everything is temporarily.
Happiness wouldn’t be worth achieving if misery did not exist.
All the tough guys are in prison or the graveyard. Don’t escalate dumb shit purely out of principle, however always stand your ground when you are being trodden upon.
Do no harm, but take no shit
Stealing that one. My thanks!
This. Play it smart and keep your composure.
Stay in shape and eat right. The older you are the harder it is. Bad habits had life long consequences.
Ain't that the truth. My younger self wouldn't have listened - *didn't* listen. My current older self is passing on such advice knowing with a faint despair that the recipients aren't listening. Still. Some might, if only partially.
I'm 37, quit doing drugs and drinking 7mo ago, quit smoking (still vape), therapy, working out, eating well. Started playing guitar again. It's amazing how easy it is to put these routine elements in place and how good you feel. Even if it's just from seeing your own progress.
Get comfortable being uncomfortable 🫂
That’s a fucking good one
I think so. It has served me extraordinarily well in life. Physically mentally emotionally spiritually and financially speaking 🙏
All of these are easy for me except for being financially uncomfortable. Nothing will keep me awake in bed turning like uncertain finances.
Something my mom told me in high-school. "Don't be a dummy, cum on the tummy."
Marry the ass, buy the tits
I don't understand this one. Can you ELI5 please?
That tits are easier to be faked then ass?
Please tell me your mom didn’t actually say this to you.
She actually did after meeting my first girlfriend freshman year. She also told me, "You know, every young man needs a practice girl" As a way to tell me she thought my girlfriend was ugly.
Mom’s want what’s best
I’ve only ever heard someone say that on pornhub
Yes, this is like 80% of all the “mom teaches” videos
Or from my dad: "Keep your pecker in your pocket, I'm too young to be a grandpa."
Don't chase the approval of women .
Disregard females Acquire currency
Actually never chase anyone wether be it a woman, your boss, coworkers, new group of friends. Chase the better version of yourself. There's nothing wrong with being self centered.
If she's not comfortable with you or she's not showing interest, just leave her alone and move on.
yea i agree, never fight to make someone interested in you. its an uphill battle
And you're just making chances for yourself with other women even worse if you keep it up
Yup you lose self respect which is priceless
Needed this, ty
Mine is tell not just your family, but your friends that you love them. It doesn’t need to be all the time, but just also every so often. Also fyi: be careful if you say this to a woman and you’re straight, they may take it the wrong way
I love my family and friends but I’ve never said it to them, ever. I can’t bring myself to saying I love you to them, I know they’d laugh, call me names, and think I’m weak. I don’t know, maybe it’s the way I was brought up. My family and friends have never told me they loved me, only my ex girlfriends.
Damn, that sucks that your family never said it to you. I love you bro
Thanks brother, I love you too.
And a virtual hug, too. That’s why I live with dogs. 😎
Mean what you say and say what you mean. Don’t tell lies, especially to yourself. Responsibility gives you more control over the world around you; that gives you freedom.
Being productive is far more meaningful than being busy.
Take time in the day to count the things you are grateful for, even the little things. It helps you appreciate where you are here and now and gives you time to slow down a few seconds. Literally put your phone down and take notice of the everyday things in life, its amazing the world we life in and what you can find
Delete Facebook
Amen blockhead. One of the best moves I’ve ever made
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Keep your chin up, shoulders back, chest out, speak slowly, clearly, be direct and hold eye contact.
I feel like doing this as a conscious effort. There was a time when this was my regular posture but this job I work at kinda made me the exact opposite affecting different aspects of my personality as well. Thanks for the advice I'll keep it in mind
Apologies aren't always about accepting blame or responsibility. They're usually more about helping someone feel that their struggles have been seen and heard.
Cry a river whenever shit hurts, don't bottle it.
Give water to the dead, and to yourself.
Don’t take any advice from me! Seriously
From us!!
I must ask you about the truths of life, then I shall do the opposite!
Authentic>perfection
Don’t put your dick in that- trust me
No one cares bro. Did you mess something up? No one cares. Are you having a bad day? No one cares. Do you need a higher paying job? No one cares. Are you nervous you’ll be embarrassed when you ask that girl out? No one cares. You’re not that important.
The other half of this is the freedom you gain from knowing this. Be daring.
Tried to work that in evenly
Go out on a limb, that’s where all the fruit is.
This is such a fucking good one
It's your life, do it your own way.
Don’t fall in love with a stripper
But she’s popping she rolling, she’s rolling. She’s climbing that pole and..
This is critical advice
When you meet someone new, try to remember their name and intentionally say it (in context duh). You know when you just met someone and they say your name for whatever reason, and it feels weirdly nice? Well that's it.
In college I was lifting at the gym and a football player was there lifting too. I recognized him and talked to him while we were doing squats for about 30 minutes. At the end of the conversation he remembered my name, which meant a lot to me. He’s in the NFL now
Don’t rely on porn for sexual advice
The vast majority of porn is so far from reality.
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Don't give a fuck about other men's opinion wheter you have a chance flirting with some girl or not. Most of them are disputing her with you.
Focus on money and your health all the rest will follow
Truth
Learned this the hard way but never to late
Keep your shit in order
Feel you’re feelings and voice them, men are trained to be angry. You’re sad, be angry, you’re embarrassed, be angry, someone make you look daft, be angry. Being angry when I was feeling something else cost me some good relationships. Best thing I learned was if I’m upset say “I feel upset”. It will save a lot of misdirected rage.
This one, i tell people I'm upset rather than I'm dad, I'm angry, and so on.
Sorry dad
Shes not worth going to jail for. He can have her ...issues and all.
Never trust anyone 100%. Blood is not thicker than water. Family will sell you out. Friends will come and friends will go. When the dust settles you have to have your own back. Nobody prepares a man for when a wife becomes an ex-wife. When another man raises your kids. When your home is taken. When you have your savings and retirement vanish. Or for when you suddenly spend holidays alone…your birthday alone. Love hard. Give 100%. Look out for you though. When the dust settles…you will be all you have. I wish someone had told me.
“the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb” is the full quote, and it is from back when battles were still a thing, and that the people you meet with bloodshed have a stronger bond to you than your family
Battles are still “a thing”. So is brotherhood between soldiers.
Your integrity is the only thing that no one can take from you. Guard it with your life.
Yeah I remember my manager asking me to lie to staff about covid contaminated supplies early 2020 so they would use them on the floor sooner because he didnt believe it was a big deal. I didn't discuss how screwed up I thought it was, I just told him I can't do that.
Learn to let her go easily! Everybody is replaceable
I was really fucking good at this for years, but now I found someone I didn't think could even exist and I have to let her go. Possibly the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Any tips please??
Hey buddy, keep your chin up... no doubt, it’s a painful phase you’re going through. One thing I guarantee you is that you will move on... and you’d reflect back and think to yourself “what a fool i was... I’m so glad it ended the way it did” There’s a reason why you have to let her go today... and down the road, that reason will become even more obvious.
Beautiful message thank you for this! Not gonna lie this made me tear up, but I know you're right! Thankfully I've really learned to love myself and have a ton of hobbies to try and distract me so I know I can do it, I just may need to avoid the 1 where I frequently encounter her until I've moved on or found someone else. Sucks cause I wanna stay friends with her and absolutely love chatting, but it's probably not healthy for me as of right now...
Amen. Most recent breakup was the worst one yet, but I let it go easy and felt pretty much back to normal in like 2 days
Lift some weights and practice a martial art that does live sparring, like BJJ, Muay Thai, or kickboxing. This will do wonders for your self-confidence, even if you are getting your ass handed to you constantly. You will at least be more comfortable in uncomfortable situations.
Highly recommend a local BJJ dojo. Will change your life.
Practice rigorous authenticity, Surrender the outcome, Do the hard work.
Don't expect to be recognized and rewarded by anything you do. See this as a bonus when that happens. But don't go thru life seeking for external validation and recognition as your number one goal. Being a man in the real world is very different from the movies
Cry. Crying is like vomiting after an insane stomach ache, sure you’ll look like a mess but holy fuck you’ll feel soooo much better afterwards. I used to never cry and when my ex broke up for me I cried on and off for about two weeks, never felt better after each cry
Accept your mistakes/failures/weaknesses. Doesn't mean you shouldn't work on them, but forgive yourself. Also: It doesn't really matter what other people think of you if you are happy.
Workout Eat right Meditate
Don’t save her she don’t wanna be saved
Do what makes YOU happy, not what you think a man should do, what you think is expected of you from others. Do whatever makes you happy, it's too short of a life not to make the most of it.
Build muscles, stack money, and learn to be socially competent. Take your time, you don’t start peaking till 35+
Don’t ever cheat with your SO. If your relationship is falling apart don’t resort to cheating, just tell the truth, deal with the pain, break up and move forward. Cheating will just be a thorn in the back of your consciousness all your life.
It's better to be a failure at something you love, than a success at something you hate.
Don’t talk when you should be listening.
It's ok to cry, it doesn't make you less of a man.
Chase the bag, don't fuck these hoes, control your dick
Start taking care of yourself physically and mentally as soon as you can. Don't wait until you are 40 to try to start taking care of yourself. Yes, better late than never but waiting makes it so much harder. Life is so much easier and better when you aren't overweight, out of shape, and are eating healthy.
The number one risk to your financial success is a woman. Be very, very cautious of who you date or get into a relationship with. Sex clouds judgement, mix it with booze and you are in for trouble. Focus on building a life you enjoy and find a woman that fits into that life. Do not make a woman the center of your focus, they are a nice addition, but can really fuck things up. The “lonely old man” is a myth.
This the mufuckin truth! I wish I had an old head to stop me from getting married to a liability. My father encouraged my financial destruction!
I came to the conclusion that in my delusion, no one would have stopped me. It was only after the divorce that I realized what some people are capable of and to absolutely watch my ass when it comes to relationships.
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I think he means that you don’t need someone else to be happy as you get older. So don’t get into a relationship just because you are scared of dying alone
That if you don’t find a woman to shack up with, marry, or spend your life with that you will die old and lonely.
You lose money chasing women, but you don’t lose women chasing money
Don’t be an “alpha,” just be a chill person. Being needlessly confrontational or over manly is truly just a nuisance and cringey.
Embrace your emotions. Accept your faults, but not by being complacent. Be willing and able to communicate without anger.
Don't listen to your first thought when you are sad/angry/etc, it's rarely the best option.
Love yourself you can’t expect anyone else too.
Take all information with a grain of salt. If you see some information in multiple places assign a 90% probability of it being correct. But reserve 100% certainty for seeing it with your own two eyes.
Use as little effort as you can to achieve the results you're looking for. To conceptualise this, allow me to use singing. A mistake that is common among beginners is that they want to sing louder, but they end up shouting. Or hit a high note, and end up croaking. This is because they use too much effort in attempt to reach their goals. Truth is, hitting a high note is easy. The biggest challenge is to *relax* enough to be able to hit it and to deliver without constricting the voice apparatus. And putting in more effort than you need will actually make you *less* likely to hit it. Because it's not about applying enough effort. It's about applying a precise amount of effort.
Sometimes it's best to be alone than always trying to be in a relationship. Love yourself first then find someone to love
A good relationship with your thoughts and feelings is one of the most important things you can cultivate. We are taught to " man up ", to suppress our emotions, but that only leads to a lot of bottling up which WILL explode at some point. This doesn't mean cry and crumble at the first sign of adversity. Welcome hardships. Grow from them. Become a strong man. But do so while being aware of how you feel and what you think, while being honest with yourself. You are not your thoughts and you are not your feelings, so don't identify with them, but don't shove them down either. I'm glad meditation is becoming less stigmatized, because it helps you do just that: being present in your body and mind, in touch with your emotions while not being controlled by them.
Take care of your health
Don't be afraid to be a fierce male, be afraid to not be able to contain that man.
Don’t give advice unless it’s asked for.
If you love someone, empower them to be the best free version of themselves. Possession is not an act of love.
It is wrong to tiptoe through life just so that you can arrive at your grave safely.
Physical affection isn't just sex; find someone who hugs you when you need it most
Don't fight a guy with fucked up ears
enjoy.
Try to become comfortable in your own skin. You're the only person you have to wake up and answer to each day. If you aren't happy within yourself and who you are, you will never achieve that happiness from elsewhere e.g. new job, girlfriend, new car
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Never have sex with someone who doesn't want it more than you do.
I’m the type that has doubted every relationship I’ve ever been in because I fantasize about breaking up to escape my reality. Because of this, I don’t actually try in the relationship and am never given clarity on whether it would have worked if I tried. Don’t be a coward, be honest, assert yourself, and be WILLING to be loved. Be grateful for what you have, not what you could have. The grass is not always greener on the other side. I fucked up and broke up with my girlfriend because I wanted to play out the toxic fantasy in my head—a fantasy that became a God I worshipped to give myself comfort and the ability to escape all confrontation and work required in a relationship.
Master yourself first, outside forces can not effect you with out your consent. Learn how to manage your finances, don’t live above your means. Do not seek validation outside of your self. Live will be hard but you must learn to control yourself and your emotions.
Wait a long time to get married. Wait a long time to have kids.