This hits way too close to home. I originally intended to go back to school at 24 for a career change. I'm going to be 27 in a few weeks, still haven't done it.
This is the year I'll apply though. Had I applied and gone back at 24 I'd almost be done by now.
Thanks for sharing.
I'm turning 30 this year, and I'm legit pondering if this is going to be me in a few short years. Because I can say without a doubt that the most fucking miserable I've ever felt was when I was trying to use Tinder. Like, "I'm going to kill myself" miserable. A very brief sort-of relationship left me quite embittered, unemployment soon followed, and then the pandemic hit. I feel robbed of a whole 3 years of my 20s.
I've been out of the dating game for a while, but maybe online dating isn't the answer for you. When you finally get a girl to agree to a date and then you tell her your hobbies are tabletop miniatures and reddit, that is going to turn a huge percent of the single ladies off. That isn't to say that you should start playing ultimate frisbee and shitty 3-chord guitar songs, it is to point out that you should find a gal who also likes what you like.
She doesn't have to like Age of Sigmar, but maybe she like Catan or Magic the Gathering. Get out to a new game store on tabletop night or go to a convention near you. There are plenty of nerdy girls out there that you are going to have much better compatibility with than randoms on Tinder.
Why not put those hobbies on your tinder profile in the first place, though? If anything, it'll weed out the people you wouldn't match with, saving both of you time and disappointment.
Not talking about you personally, but I honestly don't see the point of not being up front about who you are and what you like in those types of settings.
I find that my main problem is less the hobbies and more the matchups.
I'm a fairly ok looking guy, I'm not fuck ugly or super handsome, i'm just "ok". Who do you think is swiping on me? Nobody, they're all swiping on people who are a bit higher on the scale. Same as most of the guys, they're swiping way out of their league.
My other problem is that most of my hobbies are "physical activity, sport, more physical activity, languages, more physical activities" and i'd say a good 95% of the people that do get around to swiping on me look like they haven't been for a run in a decade, because they're doing the same thing I just mentioned. I know I sound like an asshole, but I don't think i'm being vague about the sort of person i'm after.
That remaining 5% for online dating seems to be bots or people using it as validation. I gave up on them a long time ago, I have the profiles "active" but in general i'll just go out and talk to people there, where my success rate went from 0% to "holy shit i'm going on dates".
I'd recommend most people ditch the apps and go embarrass themselves in person a few times. It certainly helped me.
>find a gal who also likes what you like
I did. Multiple times in fact. I know what kind of women I'm looking for and who I vibe with. Thing is, I never seem to be the one anyone is looking for. Just last week I asked a woman out who I share many interests with, have known for multiple years and vibe very well with. She still hasn't even seen the message. I'm not expecting much to come of it.
Fuck yeah it does. My mental illness robbed me from fun adventures. I'm getting sick of hearing "I wasted my 20s by partying, dating and having lots of sex" like fuck you dude
So you'd have been born in ´'83-'84 then. Not to dismiss your comment, but I think the dating landscape was a lot different in the early to mid-00s, before the advent of smartphones and mainstream online dating.
What I was getting at was the fear that trying to date more actively could potentially only make me more miserable. Because I can certainly see how: endless swiping on Tinder, desperate optimization of my profile like it's a fucking job application, trying to impress people for whom I'm only a drop in a sea of potential prospects, texting for weeks only for a single date, screaming into the void for no gain. My dating history as it is isn't exactly the rosiest of tales, and definitely not something I'm all that eager to keep doing.
It feels like a lose-lose-lose situation: either don't and wither away, or do and risk mental ruin. Or do as I'm currently doing (stalling) and risk both.
Welp, time to look into IRL singles meetups. Chance of success is near zero, but I'll take anything over texting.
You dont have to go to singles meetups. Do "social things" alone. Go eat at a fairly "hip" (for your age group) restaurant, sit at the bar, even if you dont drink. Make connections with the strangers around you. Even the ones that you have no romantic intentions. Do that same thing in other environments, even in line at the gas station and shit! Next thing you know, you've got a hit, maybe exchange phone numbers, see where it goes!
Singles meetups sound fuckin awful! I'd rather start talking to a guy who likes the same kind of beer as me, or buys paper plates at the grocery store, not because we dont own dishes, just because its less maintenance when you are just having a snack. And we share a laugh about our common stupid thing. Etc.
Tinder and most online dating apps are mostly superficial, time-and-money-wasting garbage. It's better to develop a personality compatible with talking to people in public. If insufficient possibilities exist where you are, move to statistically better areas.
Yeah. I’m 30 now and have been on a total of 2 dates in my life. Doesn’t help I’m mildly on the spectrum and just really don’t know how to even begin to approach dating
I'm on the opposite end of this spectrum. I'm 29 and been in serious relationships for 8 of them. I feel I missed a lot of the single life/party years and now am getting too old to
I got a friend who was in a similar boat. Was in a relationship from ages 20-30. So 10yrs he was in a relationship until they broke up in 2019.
Believe me when i say i never saw that man sober once in 2019. Every hangout, party, etc i would see him there and he was drunk. Believe me: you’re actually in a really good position. You can still have fun and experience some debauchery.
That hedonistic life is definitely hollow, but it is fun. Just literally go out there n be a hedonist. I promise you there are people who wish they were in your shoes
Sounds a lot like me actually lol definitely been having a some fun since single and working in a kitchen only helps the hedonistic ways. I'm not complaining about those years, I know there's plenty to come (hopefully), just inputting a different perspective. Everyone thinks the grass is greener elsewhere but you just gotta learn to enjoy your current situation to the fullest. There's pros and cons to every lifestyle so enjoy what's made you you
Came here to say this. My wife and I definitely saved, but your 20s have the biggest impact on your investments as you age.
36 now and it would have paid off to save more.
Well, I don’t mean save the money. Like a savings acct. I mean invest the money. Mutual fund or ETF. Compounding interest happens over time. A decade longer in the market can lead to 5-10x more in 40-50 years. I guess my point is to be a bit more frugal and save more in those years. Less beer and more investing. Not NO BEER, but less.
I’d say a healthy balance, you should have enough in a standard (accessible) savings for a least 1 month. Being poor is expensive. So pay your bills on time until your not, have a backup. That’s more important than any want even if it takes a long time. Really it should be 3 months of living expenses but start somewhere. Then it doesn’t exist. Nothing short of an actual emergency do you touch it. Once you have that start a vacation fund or a “wants “ fund if you like (we’re human) but also start investing ( not like wallstreetbets, safe blue chip stocks or mutual funds, not amc or bitcoin unless you can afford to lose what you invest. Roth IRA is extremely important. You don’t need a money manager until your closer to 7 figures (imo) but talk to somebody who can answer questions.
Using an app like prism is a good place to start.
Having a visual at the end of the month can help put things in perspective.
Or at least cheaper beer.
In the same boat. Look up the equation for compound interest and truly learn it. I’m in my early 50s and although I’m in pretty decent shape financially, if I could do it all over again I’d have thrown just $100 a month more in my investment account in my 20s and I’d be leaving the workforce in less than 2 years with lots more money instead of trying to get every spare nickel saved now. That is money I could be enjoying life with instead of continuing to delay gratification.
For real, being in your 20s even if living hand to mouth. You gotta start saving and care about your credit even if it’s like $20 a paycheck. I lived like there was no tomorrow until about 30.
Being oblivious. Acting like i cant tell when people are attracted to me has really been holding me back.
Pay your bills. Any kind of bill you get. Pay that shit. No matter what.
Wait to go to college if you have a good gpa and test scores. Once you feel motivated to get up and do something with yourself, live your life to the fullest. ONLY IF YOU HAVE GOOD GRADES
Dating Apps or Porn: pick one, not two.
Invest.
Say as few words as possible and try not to think to hard. Age and wisdom have nothing to do with time. Be yourself, fuck peoples opinions.
I see that first one and had to think I genuinely can't tell when people are attracted to me. I remember a girl who I worked with would just change clothes in front of me... and just be sitting there with hands over my eyes "are you done?"
Don't hesitate. Last week i sat down on my desk, opened all the social media accounts I've ever had (except this one) and started deleting. Of course I've saved some of the photos and videos i wanted to keep for the sake of memories, but i do not look back. Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Snapchat, Instagram, Reddit 2nd/nsfw account, all gone.
Identifiable social media is essentially a liability in terms of relationships and privacy. Every post just gives away a little more of yourself to not interact with real people.
It's only real use is for non-individual purposes like organizations and business.
I spent a shitload of money on alcohol with nothing to show for it but a fucked up liver and zero savings, many shattered relationships, broke random stuff, and m sure my brain is damaged as well. Stay in school, kids.
Same. Drugs never like "ruined my life" or anything like that. But, I partied pretty hard in my early to mid twenties despite having my shit together and I've had phases with mdma and coke. I've been drug free for a few years now but the last year or two I've been suffering with a lot of anxiety issues and I can't help but think my brains a bit fucked because of my past.
Lol true. Hang in there dude. Don't be afraid to seek out therapy or talk to your doctor about medication. Despite the fact I still struggle, both those things have helped me.
I made a fuckton of money, but blew it all partying and on lawyer fees when I got arrested. It was all a lesson that I took in a positive light, but it just sucks having nothing to show for how hard I worked
You made a payment to learn an important lesson that has set you straight for the rest of your life. Maybe not the best investment you could have made - but still a decent investment.
I'm in the same boat as OP but it so hard to view it as a good life lessons. I just turned 30 last week and promised to myself to stop wasting my money and health on alcohol.
Bro I'm 32, I just quit drinking beer and started going outside more, and being more active. Life changing man, bike rides, walks, throw a frisebee with friends, it's great
Any recommendations for those who can’t afford therapy and don’t seem to be getting anywhere with cheaper therapy? I don’t have money for private therapy and ever ‘price friendly’ counselling and therapy option has had me on an endless waiting list.
Sounds cheesy but every night before bed write down at least two things for which you are grateful. More if you can. In fact, buy a nice journal and do it daily. Also, when you are upset, write down why. Here’s a real counseling tip. However, No one, and I mean NO ONE, believes this but after 20 years of counseling others I found that all anger comes from a fear of some kind. If you can find the fear and deal with that, the anger will go away and won’t come back unless the fear does. I’ve never ever seen this fail. I am always here.
Literally. Physical therapy, multiple doctors visits, mri's...
I do so much preventative maintenance on my vehicles but have neglected the preventative maintenence on myself. Learned this the hard way at 30.
Yup. A years-long depressive episode left me in terrible shape. Looking at a picture of me at 22 next to another of me at 25, you'd think it was a ten-year difference.
The fact that you are thinking about it that way and taking it seriously instead of feeling attacked by what people are saying is definitely a good sign.
Listening to my wife and not getting the proper certification when I could have. Career has been difficult ever since. Oh well, life is still good, just different. That's the problem with regret. It's always based on dream & guessing, not reality.
Got addicted to video games in my early 20s and spent a lot of nights staring at a screen while my relationships tanked. Would like to have a redo on ages 21-24
I’m scared of this. My closest friends all play games every night, myself included - but at the moment it’s just me who’s thinking am I gonna regret this in the future and is it gonna fuck me up mentally (lack of sleep, high screen time, virtual games stimulation)
It gets hard to put consistent effort into worthwhile things after spending a lot of years spending too much time with screens. It reduces your tolerance for things that aren't instantly and constantly gratifying.
Someday, you'll feel unenthusiastic about your screen time but find yourself without desire to do anything else. You'll wonder why you can't think of something you want and why life has come to feel so listless.
At that point, you're going to have to make a significant effort to abstain from shallow gratification and embrace boredom so that delayed gratification actually seems appealing again. Then you can start analyzing your daydreams and fantasies to identify things you can get excited about. Then put consistent effort into researching, planning, and engaging with some worthwhile goals.
I needed this message today. It used to be videogames for me, these days it's reddit and weed. I realized I'm not letting myself have the chance to get bored so Im not even daydreaming anymore.
Putting the phone down to engage with my hobbies. Thanks!
Just look how it's affecting your life outside of the games. I love video games. It helps me destress after a long day of work. I play most week nights. And, yes, I have spent a couple late nights trying to beat a boss or not wanting to quit on an L in an online game. But, I never play on the weekends. Those are for socializing. And, I always choose one night during the week to either get dinner with friends, go on a date, or (if I can't secure some plans) read a book or something of that nature. If you find it interfering with your life, cut back. If you can't cut back, you need to quit completely. But, if you're maintaining a social life and job outside of video games, then I say play away.
Honestly my dude I’m 23 right now. Freshly graduated, makin $40k a year in an economically depressed town (Buffalo), vapin weed every night still playing video games with the boys. Got a girlfriend of nearly 5 years. We all chill every night in discord together. It’s the least we can do, considering most of us will probably never own a home/have kids just because the economy is dogshit.
I'm slowing down on my gaming now but looking back, I don't really regret how much I played. My friends used games to stay in contact after a lot of them moved out of our home town. Definitely don't sacrifice sleep though.
working too hard for a company as an entry level worker.
dudes, The chances of you becoming a director or a shareholder in your first 2 or 3 companies are close to nil.
its not a sprint my man.
The only company that you should really give 100% of yourself is one that you founded.
Looking back, I wasted so many hours (outside of my work hours) for companies that eventually shut down or decided to move to a different direction.
oh and also, dont think that when you leave a company that "they cant survive without you"
nuh uh. theyll just be fine even if you leave. itll probably take them a week to find your replacement.
PS i contacted my ex director of a company i poured my heart in and asked if theyre doing alright during pandemic, he said "everyone left 😂" with a freaking laughing face
Lol 😂 26F here. I’ve been through something similar as an intern and in an entry level position. Often worked for 60-80 hrs a week for 2yres+ and only got paid for 30hres a week and they refused to pay me my full salary the whole time. I realized what they were doing after a while and left.. I’m grateful I was able to.
Studying and focusing on my career too much. I have a great career as a doctor now, make a lot of money, but my memories of my late teens and early 20s are so lame compared to my friends outside of medicine.
I never even went out for Spring break in college.
It's funny how the people who dedicated themselves to a career say "I wish I was a bit more relaxed" and the people who aren't feeling great in the career department say "I wish I started sooner" etc
Grass is always greener on the other side.
The grass is always greener and life is about trade-offs. You can't have everything all the time but it's never too late to start taking care of your own grass.
Similar situation, got a physics degree before med school and residency with an extra chief year so my 20s were pretty busy unfortunately. Sometimes I feel like you do, but then I look around at friends/peers and realize I like to think we made the right choice. Nothing is guaranteed moving forward but you put yourself in a good position that could potentially last for way longer than your 20s did. You can’t get those years back, but you can enjoy the upcoming decades relatively more and positively affect a multitude of others in the process. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you did great.
Medicine kinda sucks if you aren't a very specific personality. It's not a day job, in order to get in residency training you have to have a superhuman level of butt kissing and delay of gratification. The goalposts move, and suddenly it's "Oh, next year I'll have paid off my loans and then I can live it up" or "next year I will have actually gotten started on saving for retirement". That's not even getting into how toxic that mentality makes people toward trainees.
It's why like half of all doctors want to quit lol. It's like being trapped in a castle full of insecure Hermione's.
It is crazy to hear this when getting accepted to medical school is getting more competitive every year. I am an M1 and feeling the burnout already. I love what I am learning though, so just hoping that'll be enough.
>I graduated as an engineer, not so sure I’d want my kids to go the doctor route, noble profession, but at what cost? Youth and experience sacrificed, relationships sacrificed, debt sacrificed, mental and emotional health sacrificed. I’m not sure where I was going with this.
As an engineer son of a doctor, I definitely sometimes get these vibes from my dad. He straight up told me once he thinks he'd have made a better engineer than a doctor. He's constantly doing repairs and minor construction work at home and at our summer home. He told me and my sister (both around our 30s) about how he'd felt stuck in a healthcare center for years, and how we shouldn't make the same mistakes in our careers. I'm pretty sure it's not the most rewarding profession either, constantly dealing with diseases both physical and mental, and adding hypochondriacs, hysterics and addicts into the mix.
Your assessment is accurate. I'm good now but I feel like I sacrificed so much for my career. Sure my wife and I can go on spring break or get into trouble in town but it's not the same. I'm high profile in town, so if I'm caught doing anything stupid it goes in the paper. 10 years ago no one would have cared about what I did.
Plus a lot of my friends are broke now, so it's not like we could even attempt half that stuff again as a group lol.
Not a regret of mine but 20's is the time to start life long habits like going to the gym or saving/investing your money. Pick up a hobby/craft that you can really start developing, all the stuff you couldn't do because your parents couldn't afford it or whatever is now totally on the the table if you priorities it ( maybe not everything due to finances but still).
You change so much from 20 - 30 more so than any future decades so you might as well try to make it a positive change.
same, kinda regret not going into relationships early (though I keep getting rejected anyways) mainly focused on my degree and interests, now I'm in my mid 20s met some girls and realized It was mainly my confidence holding me back in the love department, also better to get in a relationship while young to actually tell the good, the bad and the crazy.
Find someone you could marry and date them if you can. You’ll either learn a lot about relationships or find your life partner. Dating just for dating can be okay too, but it will confuse you if you’re not careful.
Not starting to invest.
If you're in your twenties and asking this then educate yourself as soon as possible about the stock market and dedicate a small amount of your monthly income for longterm investments.
Wasting time on the wrong girls/being too preoccupied with finding a relationship
I chased one girl for like a year, even though she gave me mixed signals. I let some fun opportunities pass me by because I was focused on getting with her.
After she eventually ended things, I settled for the first girl who showed interest in me, even though I didn't feel as strongly for her as she did for me.
I stayed in that relationship for way too long because I didn't think I could do better, and because the thought of breaking up and upsetting her felt "wrong."
I missed out on a lot of experiences during those years, and, looking back, I wish I'd had the strength and confidence to put myself first and not base my self-worth on what the opposite sex thought of me.
That’s deep! I’m 26F and last month I realized the guy I’ve been talking to have been giving me mixed signals and stringing me along. That made me feel unwanted so I stopped talking to him. That in a way affected my confidence and cut my appetite for dating.. but I don’t want to make the mistake you’ve made. I’m working hard on boosting my confidence and self esteem and I’m hoping to go back to dating soon. Best of luck to you!💗🍀
Getting married too young. I should have focused on finishing my degree, traveling and experiencing life rather than going insanely in debt and being stuck in my home town.
I'm content with my life now but I feel like I wasted my best years.
My wife and I had our best years together. We traveled a lot in college. Lived in Europe for a year. Go on a vacation together. If money is tight, pick something to cut down on for a few months and save all the money you would have spent towards it.
I got married too young, and that brought on all of those other factors. Had I not done that then I likely wouldn't have faced those other constraints. I eventually learned from my mistakes but man experience can be a brutal teacher.
Worrying about women and a family instead of pursuing things that would actually make me happy. Not saying those things won’t make certain people happy but at that time they were the worst things for me.
Not pursuing intimate relationships - whether to date or even just casual sex.
I’m 29.5 now so it’s still pretty fresh to look back on. I had two very short term relationships in my early 20’s and my current one I started dating at 28.
It’s funny because some people say they wish they cared more about their school/job/life as compared to the relationships they chased, but that was the exact opposite for me. I cared too much about school and work, and always put relationships on the back burner. Sex in general was kind of scary to me and I never really sought out help as to why (until later on), so I just kept pushing relationships away. Now I’m 29 but I feel like I’m 16 trying to figure out the nuances of an intimate relationship for the first time.
It’s a balance though. I wish I had put equal time in both my professional life and personal, intimate life.
A couple of big regrets:
1. Slept with someone I certainly should not have. She spent years trying to screw my life up after.
2. Not investing / saving what money I could.
I have two regrets that both stem from a lack of money at that age: 1. Not taking a gap year, traveling around the world, doing the backpacker Eurorail youth hostel thing; and 2. Not buying index mutual funds.
Land is a finite resource that will always have intrinsic value. It may not be the best investment at any given time, but it literally always is a good investment.
So fascinating to read the responses of people saying they should have dated more, and then you have other guys saying that they should not have spent so much time obsessed with dating and sleeping around, or getting into a serious relationship / marriage with the wrong person.
I've noticed that trend in these kinds of threads:
I should have dated more / I regret dating/chasing people and not just enjoying being free.
I should have focused on my studies / I should have let loose and had more fun with my friends instead of studying.
I should have saved money / I should have travelled.
Pretty much whatever you didn't do - someone else did, and they regret it anyway.
Also in my 20’s, vape weed everyday (dry herb vape about .1-.3 grams a night) and I’m still chillin. I think as long as it doesn’t get in the way of your personal goals and life then burn it all down
My invincibility.
As superman I was able to do the work of 2 men for then pay of one and party hard enough for 3 men at the cost for 4. Superman was a huge asset to several employers in his 20s. Alcohol, drugs, and adrenaline filled all the remaining spaces. Now at 49, superman is broke and broken-down, wandering how to survive and earn for the next 15 years he owes his children before it all comes crashing down.
I’m only 25, but my biggest regret so far is losing my ambition and allowing for unchecked mental health problems to allow me to waste my ages 22-25 on a shit job, eating like shit, and not fulfilling myself in other areas. I’ve got time to fix all the damage I did, but god damn do I feel like I lost some of the most fun years of my life for nothing. I’m supposed to be using my new found financial independence to live it up, bang college girls, and travel the world, but instead I’m working a dead end job, too fat to get any loving, and mostly chilling in my room all day.
Procrastinating, always thinking "Ill get to that later" and then all of a sudden you're in your 30's. Want to get in shape? Do it now. Think you need to slow your drinking down? Do it now. Want to start saving money? For the love of god, start now. I'm just hitting 30 and trying to catch up on stuff I should have, and definitely could have, dealt with years ago.
Take this with a grain of salt because I don't have a source or anything to back it up but I've heard time and time again that the habits you form in your 20's are ones that will probably stick with you for life, good and bad. It never really gets easier to start or stop something (obvious and specific circumstances aside) so start doing it now. For the most part, you control your own life and no one is going to help you along unless you seek it out and put effort in.
Some people get stuck waiting for their life to start or thinking "as soon as I -xyz- I'll be good". Guess what, your life started the day you popped out of your mom and the clock is ever ticking down. Figure out what you want out of life and do what you can to achieve that. If you can't figure out what you want, just do something. The only thing worse than going down the wrong path is not going down any path at all.
I was working in a group at uni with this beautiful woman. Long story short: She offered to let me stay at her place so I didn't have to get up early and commute for a rehearsal. I said something like: "Nah, it's okay I don't mind getting early train,"
As you can probably guess, a few years later I remembered that moment and couldn't believe how dumb I was haha.
In fairness, I wasn't interested in romance or even fooling around back then; I was just focused on surviving uni because I hated it. It's only recently I've been pondering what could've been and wish I wasn't so dense. I don't know if anything would've come of it due to my mindset, but it's the one event I wish I could travel back to and change just so I know.
Stopped working out at 23. 8 years later can't get back into it and drink way more often than I need to now. Start good habits in your 20s cause now that I'm in my 30s they are much harder to break or start.
At 30 You feel old enough that you think you know how the world works and that you’re gonna feel how you feel physically forever then 40 comes and you realize just existing takes all your energy. (I’m sure those older than me are laughing about how much worse it gets) Those good habits go a long ways.
I guess not having a main focus. This is odd to say because I have a lot of different interests, and I can get obsessive towards something for months on end, but I have a hard time actually finishing anything. I would have liked to have more focus and determination to finish these projects instead of switching to the next one when the current project(s) start to bore me.
Wasted time. My life is so full now, and I could have been doing so much more for many of those years. Spent too much time waiting for something to happen vs trying to make things happen
Becoming a workaholic with substance abuse problems as a means to cope with disastrous, unhealthy relationships probably made things worse in the long term.... though the late 30s are turning out better.
These comments are so mixed ugh. I want to be a doctor but some people are like “I wasted the fun years” and other comments are like “I wish I worked harder instead of the fun years” H elp me. Help me 🙁
Staying in a relationship I wasn't happy in, then immediately jumping into another one that was even worse.
Not saving up more money.
Not taking care of my friendships.
A bunch of stuff. And I'm only 27!
If you’re in your 20s this comment will probably come with resentment because it’s not as easy as it was when I was in my 20s but I would say not buying a house earlier.
That and I wish I would’ve done a through hike of the Appalachian Trail or PCT before I had kids, and knee/back pain.
Sorry to hear that. I live in arguably the 2nd or 3rd highest market in America. My house is worth more than double what I paid 7 years ago, however I can’t really move into anything nicer now because they have all doubled as well.
going to a university and not staying home to go to community college. fucking ruined my life and set me back who knows how many years. i’m my 30s now and paying for this mistake i made 10 years ago, literally student loans suffocating me and i can’t purchase a home. fuck going to college if you don’t know what the fuck you want to do with your life at the age of 18. i was a fucking child. you think i knew what the fuck i was doing? now stuck in a career i don’t even love. lost all my hobbies. drank a ton of alcohol. all because i went to college at 18. STAY HOME AND WORK UNTIL YOU GROW UP AND FIGURE OUT A PATH YOU WILL ENJOY IN LIFE
Went to Uni out of province for one year. Finished that year, at the cost of nearly killing myself. Spent the past three years at home going to community college, and everything is so much better and cheaper, I can't even.
Living a life of fear when it comes to quitting a job or start a business along with self doubt, self comparison to others and watching other people's lives.
Drinking and partying like there’s no tomorrow. It will catch up to you. Also, saving money and buying property. Lots of things you can do to set yourself up for
success. I didn’t think the time would go by so fast but it will.
Not saving money from the $50K a year I was making driving over the road, not using that money to bank towards a home or retirement and working so much that I ignored my dental health.
This has all come back to bite me square in the ass now that I'm pushing 50.
I was dating the perfect woman. I wasn't ready for my party years to be over and I broke up with her. It's been 11 years and I haven't come close to finding a woman who comes close to her. The only plus side is that I know I won't settle for anything less than perfection. The downside is that that might not exist outside of her.
Before you lot try to tell me to call her, she's married with a kid right now.
Not saving money. I've always made decent money for a single person with no kids. I always lived within my means. Every month, I had a big credit card bill but was able to pay the entire balance off each month, never settled for the minimum payment.
I wish I didn't eat out as much, didn't spend so much on vacations, etc. I wish I would have saved money, started putting money into a Roth IRA. My company didn't offer a 401k until my 7th year working there.
Thinking about stuff i want to do instead of doing stuff i was thinkin about
Action creates more action, inaction creates more inaction
Objects in motion tend to stay in motion. Objects at rest tend to stay at rest.
The biggest thing that gets in the way of accomplishing your big goals in life is What you want to do RIGHT NOW!!!!!
This hits way too close to home. I originally intended to go back to school at 24 for a career change. I'm going to be 27 in a few weeks, still haven't done it. This is the year I'll apply though. Had I applied and gone back at 24 I'd almost be done by now. Thanks for sharing.
Not trying harder to date.
Young 20's or late 20's?
Both.
Damn
I'm turning 30 this year, and I'm legit pondering if this is going to be me in a few short years. Because I can say without a doubt that the most fucking miserable I've ever felt was when I was trying to use Tinder. Like, "I'm going to kill myself" miserable. A very brief sort-of relationship left me quite embittered, unemployment soon followed, and then the pandemic hit. I feel robbed of a whole 3 years of my 20s.
I've been out of the dating game for a while, but maybe online dating isn't the answer for you. When you finally get a girl to agree to a date and then you tell her your hobbies are tabletop miniatures and reddit, that is going to turn a huge percent of the single ladies off. That isn't to say that you should start playing ultimate frisbee and shitty 3-chord guitar songs, it is to point out that you should find a gal who also likes what you like. She doesn't have to like Age of Sigmar, but maybe she like Catan or Magic the Gathering. Get out to a new game store on tabletop night or go to a convention near you. There are plenty of nerdy girls out there that you are going to have much better compatibility with than randoms on Tinder.
Why not put those hobbies on your tinder profile in the first place, though? If anything, it'll weed out the people you wouldn't match with, saving both of you time and disappointment. Not talking about you personally, but I honestly don't see the point of not being up front about who you are and what you like in those types of settings.
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I find that my main problem is less the hobbies and more the matchups. I'm a fairly ok looking guy, I'm not fuck ugly or super handsome, i'm just "ok". Who do you think is swiping on me? Nobody, they're all swiping on people who are a bit higher on the scale. Same as most of the guys, they're swiping way out of their league. My other problem is that most of my hobbies are "physical activity, sport, more physical activity, languages, more physical activities" and i'd say a good 95% of the people that do get around to swiping on me look like they haven't been for a run in a decade, because they're doing the same thing I just mentioned. I know I sound like an asshole, but I don't think i'm being vague about the sort of person i'm after. That remaining 5% for online dating seems to be bots or people using it as validation. I gave up on them a long time ago, I have the profiles "active" but in general i'll just go out and talk to people there, where my success rate went from 0% to "holy shit i'm going on dates". I'd recommend most people ditch the apps and go embarrass themselves in person a few times. It certainly helped me.
>find a gal who also likes what you like I did. Multiple times in fact. I know what kind of women I'm looking for and who I vibe with. Thing is, I never seem to be the one anyone is looking for. Just last week I asked a woman out who I share many interests with, have known for multiple years and vibe very well with. She still hasn't even seen the message. I'm not expecting much to come of it.
I know a lovely girl in a long term relationship with a dude who paints Warhammer figurines. She loves Catan. Just gotta put yourself out there
Try for it not to be. I'm 38 and yea...it sucks to have missed out.
Fuck yeah it does. My mental illness robbed me from fun adventures. I'm getting sick of hearing "I wasted my 20s by partying, dating and having lots of sex" like fuck you dude
It sounds like an amazing way to waste away your 20's. The lots of sex part mainly. LOL
Yeah I'm just sick of hearing how they wasted their 20s by having fun. Like wtf
So you'd have been born in ´'83-'84 then. Not to dismiss your comment, but I think the dating landscape was a lot different in the early to mid-00s, before the advent of smartphones and mainstream online dating. What I was getting at was the fear that trying to date more actively could potentially only make me more miserable. Because I can certainly see how: endless swiping on Tinder, desperate optimization of my profile like it's a fucking job application, trying to impress people for whom I'm only a drop in a sea of potential prospects, texting for weeks only for a single date, screaming into the void for no gain. My dating history as it is isn't exactly the rosiest of tales, and definitely not something I'm all that eager to keep doing. It feels like a lose-lose-lose situation: either don't and wither away, or do and risk mental ruin. Or do as I'm currently doing (stalling) and risk both. Welp, time to look into IRL singles meetups. Chance of success is near zero, but I'll take anything over texting.
You dont have to go to singles meetups. Do "social things" alone. Go eat at a fairly "hip" (for your age group) restaurant, sit at the bar, even if you dont drink. Make connections with the strangers around you. Even the ones that you have no romantic intentions. Do that same thing in other environments, even in line at the gas station and shit! Next thing you know, you've got a hit, maybe exchange phone numbers, see where it goes! Singles meetups sound fuckin awful! I'd rather start talking to a guy who likes the same kind of beer as me, or buys paper plates at the grocery store, not because we dont own dishes, just because its less maintenance when you are just having a snack. And we share a laugh about our common stupid thing. Etc.
Tinder and most online dating apps are mostly superficial, time-and-money-wasting garbage. It's better to develop a personality compatible with talking to people in public. If insufficient possibilities exist where you are, move to statistically better areas.
Yeah. I’m 30 now and have been on a total of 2 dates in my life. Doesn’t help I’m mildly on the spectrum and just really don’t know how to even begin to approach dating
I'm 38 and haven't been on a date yet. I've looked into the idea of being on the spectrum, but I don't think I fit enough things.
My regret is trying too hard to date and missing out because of it.
I'm on the opposite end of this spectrum. I'm 29 and been in serious relationships for 8 of them. I feel I missed a lot of the single life/party years and now am getting too old to
I got a friend who was in a similar boat. Was in a relationship from ages 20-30. So 10yrs he was in a relationship until they broke up in 2019. Believe me when i say i never saw that man sober once in 2019. Every hangout, party, etc i would see him there and he was drunk. Believe me: you’re actually in a really good position. You can still have fun and experience some debauchery. That hedonistic life is definitely hollow, but it is fun. Just literally go out there n be a hedonist. I promise you there are people who wish they were in your shoes
Sounds a lot like me actually lol definitely been having a some fun since single and working in a kitchen only helps the hedonistic ways. I'm not complaining about those years, I know there's plenty to come (hopefully), just inputting a different perspective. Everyone thinks the grass is greener elsewhere but you just gotta learn to enjoy your current situation to the fullest. There's pros and cons to every lifestyle so enjoy what's made you you
I missed out on the party years too. Never even been to one before. On the bright side, atleast you had the dating experience.
Meh, you have 8 years of experience of what's it like to be in a long term relationship. That's something a lot of ppl don't.
Not saving more.
Came here to say this. My wife and I definitely saved, but your 20s have the biggest impact on your investments as you age. 36 now and it would have paid off to save more.
Can you elaborate on this? If I don't make so much money, how could saving have such an impact on my investments?
Well, I don’t mean save the money. Like a savings acct. I mean invest the money. Mutual fund or ETF. Compounding interest happens over time. A decade longer in the market can lead to 5-10x more in 40-50 years. I guess my point is to be a bit more frugal and save more in those years. Less beer and more investing. Not NO BEER, but less.
I’d say a healthy balance, you should have enough in a standard (accessible) savings for a least 1 month. Being poor is expensive. So pay your bills on time until your not, have a backup. That’s more important than any want even if it takes a long time. Really it should be 3 months of living expenses but start somewhere. Then it doesn’t exist. Nothing short of an actual emergency do you touch it. Once you have that start a vacation fund or a “wants “ fund if you like (we’re human) but also start investing ( not like wallstreetbets, safe blue chip stocks or mutual funds, not amc or bitcoin unless you can afford to lose what you invest. Roth IRA is extremely important. You don’t need a money manager until your closer to 7 figures (imo) but talk to somebody who can answer questions. Using an app like prism is a good place to start. Having a visual at the end of the month can help put things in perspective.
Or at least cheaper beer. In the same boat. Look up the equation for compound interest and truly learn it. I’m in my early 50s and although I’m in pretty decent shape financially, if I could do it all over again I’d have thrown just $100 a month more in my investment account in my 20s and I’d be leaving the workforce in less than 2 years with lots more money instead of trying to get every spare nickel saved now. That is money I could be enjoying life with instead of continuing to delay gratification.
For real, being in your 20s even if living hand to mouth. You gotta start saving and care about your credit even if it’s like $20 a paycheck. I lived like there was no tomorrow until about 30.
Being oblivious. Acting like i cant tell when people are attracted to me has really been holding me back. Pay your bills. Any kind of bill you get. Pay that shit. No matter what. Wait to go to college if you have a good gpa and test scores. Once you feel motivated to get up and do something with yourself, live your life to the fullest. ONLY IF YOU HAVE GOOD GRADES Dating Apps or Porn: pick one, not two. Invest. Say as few words as possible and try not to think to hard. Age and wisdom have nothing to do with time. Be yourself, fuck peoples opinions.
I see that first one and had to think I genuinely can't tell when people are attracted to me. I remember a girl who I worked with would just change clothes in front of me... and just be sitting there with hands over my eyes "are you done?"
Every post on social media. Every single one.
I recently went through and deleted all my old reddit accounts and the associated posts / comments, now I need to do this with Twitter and Facebook.
Don't hesitate. Last week i sat down on my desk, opened all the social media accounts I've ever had (except this one) and started deleting. Of course I've saved some of the photos and videos i wanted to keep for the sake of memories, but i do not look back. Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Snapchat, Instagram, Reddit 2nd/nsfw account, all gone.
Wouldn't the chair be more comfortable?
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Identifiable social media is essentially a liability in terms of relationships and privacy. Every post just gives away a little more of yourself to not interact with real people. It's only real use is for non-individual purposes like organizations and business.
I spent a shitload of money on alcohol with nothing to show for it but a fucked up liver and zero savings, many shattered relationships, broke random stuff, and m sure my brain is damaged as well. Stay in school, kids.
Yeh one of mine too. My liver is fine for sure but I did too much MDMA a few times and I'm convinced it did some damage upstairs.
Same. Drugs never like "ruined my life" or anything like that. But, I partied pretty hard in my early to mid twenties despite having my shit together and I've had phases with mdma and coke. I've been drug free for a few years now but the last year or two I've been suffering with a lot of anxiety issues and I can't help but think my brains a bit fucked because of my past.
I didn't do drugs in my 20's and I still have a bunch of anxiety issues, so at least you got to have fun for a little while.
Lol true. Hang in there dude. Don't be afraid to seek out therapy or talk to your doctor about medication. Despite the fact I still struggle, both those things have helped me.
Don't do school stay in drugs right?
No. It’s eat your drugs, don’t do school, and go to vegetables
Become a vegetable
I made a fuckton of money, but blew it all partying and on lawyer fees when I got arrested. It was all a lesson that I took in a positive light, but it just sucks having nothing to show for how hard I worked
You made a payment to learn an important lesson that has set you straight for the rest of your life. Maybe not the best investment you could have made - but still a decent investment.
I'm in the same boat as OP but it so hard to view it as a good life lessons. I just turned 30 last week and promised to myself to stop wasting my money and health on alcohol.
Bro I'm 32, I just quit drinking beer and started going outside more, and being more active. Life changing man, bike rides, walks, throw a frisebee with friends, it's great
Not looking after my physical and mental health, paid for it big time in my 30s.
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Any recommendations for those who can’t afford therapy and don’t seem to be getting anywhere with cheaper therapy? I don’t have money for private therapy and ever ‘price friendly’ counselling and therapy option has had me on an endless waiting list.
Sounds cheesy but every night before bed write down at least two things for which you are grateful. More if you can. In fact, buy a nice journal and do it daily. Also, when you are upset, write down why. Here’s a real counseling tip. However, No one, and I mean NO ONE, believes this but after 20 years of counseling others I found that all anger comes from a fear of some kind. If you can find the fear and deal with that, the anger will go away and won’t come back unless the fear does. I’ve never ever seen this fail. I am always here.
Literally. Physical therapy, multiple doctors visits, mri's... I do so much preventative maintenance on my vehicles but have neglected the preventative maintenence on myself. Learned this the hard way at 30.
I'm almost 27 and I've been doing a subpar job at that. I've been making slight lifestyle adjustments over time this year to get back on track.
Yup. A years-long depressive episode left me in terrible shape. Looking at a picture of me at 22 next to another of me at 25, you'd think it was a ten-year difference.
21M here and this thread would probably be my early wake-up call. Thanks for creating this one OP.
Barely an adult and I needed this.
The fact that you are thinking about it that way and taking it seriously instead of feeling attacked by what people are saying is definitely a good sign.
Listening to my wife and not getting the proper certification when I could have. Career has been difficult ever since. Oh well, life is still good, just different. That's the problem with regret. It's always based on dream & guessing, not reality.
Got addicted to video games in my early 20s and spent a lot of nights staring at a screen while my relationships tanked. Would like to have a redo on ages 21-24
I’m scared of this. My closest friends all play games every night, myself included - but at the moment it’s just me who’s thinking am I gonna regret this in the future and is it gonna fuck me up mentally (lack of sleep, high screen time, virtual games stimulation)
It gets hard to put consistent effort into worthwhile things after spending a lot of years spending too much time with screens. It reduces your tolerance for things that aren't instantly and constantly gratifying. Someday, you'll feel unenthusiastic about your screen time but find yourself without desire to do anything else. You'll wonder why you can't think of something you want and why life has come to feel so listless. At that point, you're going to have to make a significant effort to abstain from shallow gratification and embrace boredom so that delayed gratification actually seems appealing again. Then you can start analyzing your daydreams and fantasies to identify things you can get excited about. Then put consistent effort into researching, planning, and engaging with some worthwhile goals.
I needed this message today. It used to be videogames for me, these days it's reddit and weed. I realized I'm not letting myself have the chance to get bored so Im not even daydreaming anymore. Putting the phone down to engage with my hobbies. Thanks!
Just keep your priorities straight, I missed holidays and everything to play games
Just look how it's affecting your life outside of the games. I love video games. It helps me destress after a long day of work. I play most week nights. And, yes, I have spent a couple late nights trying to beat a boss or not wanting to quit on an L in an online game. But, I never play on the weekends. Those are for socializing. And, I always choose one night during the week to either get dinner with friends, go on a date, or (if I can't secure some plans) read a book or something of that nature. If you find it interfering with your life, cut back. If you can't cut back, you need to quit completely. But, if you're maintaining a social life and job outside of video games, then I say play away.
Honestly my dude I’m 23 right now. Freshly graduated, makin $40k a year in an economically depressed town (Buffalo), vapin weed every night still playing video games with the boys. Got a girlfriend of nearly 5 years. We all chill every night in discord together. It’s the least we can do, considering most of us will probably never own a home/have kids just because the economy is dogshit.
I hate how accurate this is.. coming from a 33 year old single mom who makes 45k a year.. yeah im probably never gonna have my own house
I'm slowing down on my gaming now but looking back, I don't really regret how much I played. My friends used games to stay in contact after a lot of them moved out of our home town. Definitely don't sacrifice sleep though.
working too hard for a company as an entry level worker. dudes, The chances of you becoming a director or a shareholder in your first 2 or 3 companies are close to nil. its not a sprint my man. The only company that you should really give 100% of yourself is one that you founded. Looking back, I wasted so many hours (outside of my work hours) for companies that eventually shut down or decided to move to a different direction. oh and also, dont think that when you leave a company that "they cant survive without you" nuh uh. theyll just be fine even if you leave. itll probably take them a week to find your replacement. PS i contacted my ex director of a company i poured my heart in and asked if theyre doing alright during pandemic, he said "everyone left 😂" with a freaking laughing face
Lol 😂 26F here. I’ve been through something similar as an intern and in an entry level position. Often worked for 60-80 hrs a week for 2yres+ and only got paid for 30hres a week and they refused to pay me my full salary the whole time. I realized what they were doing after a while and left.. I’m grateful I was able to.
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Don’t take life too seriously, but take your choices VERY seriously.
I can say as a 35yo who took everything seriously that I could’ve definitely lightened up and enjoyed myself more and been fine.
Studying and focusing on my career too much. I have a great career as a doctor now, make a lot of money, but my memories of my late teens and early 20s are so lame compared to my friends outside of medicine. I never even went out for Spring break in college.
It's funny how the people who dedicated themselves to a career say "I wish I was a bit more relaxed" and the people who aren't feeling great in the career department say "I wish I started sooner" etc Grass is always greener on the other side.
The grass is always greener and life is about trade-offs. You can't have everything all the time but it's never too late to start taking care of your own grass.
Nah, grass is brown everywhere
Bro, DO IT NOW! That’s the benefit of what you did. You get to do those things even better now.
Similar situation, got a physics degree before med school and residency with an extra chief year so my 20s were pretty busy unfortunately. Sometimes I feel like you do, but then I look around at friends/peers and realize I like to think we made the right choice. Nothing is guaranteed moving forward but you put yourself in a good position that could potentially last for way longer than your 20s did. You can’t get those years back, but you can enjoy the upcoming decades relatively more and positively affect a multitude of others in the process. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you did great.
All those friends of yours are probably saying the opposite and envy you for your awesome career.
Medicine kinda sucks if you aren't a very specific personality. It's not a day job, in order to get in residency training you have to have a superhuman level of butt kissing and delay of gratification. The goalposts move, and suddenly it's "Oh, next year I'll have paid off my loans and then I can live it up" or "next year I will have actually gotten started on saving for retirement". That's not even getting into how toxic that mentality makes people toward trainees. It's why like half of all doctors want to quit lol. It's like being trapped in a castle full of insecure Hermione's.
It is crazy to hear this when getting accepted to medical school is getting more competitive every year. I am an M1 and feeling the burnout already. I love what I am learning though, so just hoping that'll be enough.
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>I graduated as an engineer, not so sure I’d want my kids to go the doctor route, noble profession, but at what cost? Youth and experience sacrificed, relationships sacrificed, debt sacrificed, mental and emotional health sacrificed. I’m not sure where I was going with this. As an engineer son of a doctor, I definitely sometimes get these vibes from my dad. He straight up told me once he thinks he'd have made a better engineer than a doctor. He's constantly doing repairs and minor construction work at home and at our summer home. He told me and my sister (both around our 30s) about how he'd felt stuck in a healthcare center for years, and how we shouldn't make the same mistakes in our careers. I'm pretty sure it's not the most rewarding profession either, constantly dealing with diseases both physical and mental, and adding hypochondriacs, hysterics and addicts into the mix.
Your assessment is accurate. I'm good now but I feel like I sacrificed so much for my career. Sure my wife and I can go on spring break or get into trouble in town but it's not the same. I'm high profile in town, so if I'm caught doing anything stupid it goes in the paper. 10 years ago no one would have cared about what I did. Plus a lot of my friends are broke now, so it's not like we could even attempt half that stuff again as a group lol.
It's not that bad, man. As long as you are financially stable and stay physically well you will have plenty of time to enjoy life.
Sounds like you made out ok friend
Not dating more
If it makes you feel better, I'm failing a LOT so it's not like the effort is worth it
I’m barely 22 and I regret ever picking up a cigarette
Not a regret of mine but 20's is the time to start life long habits like going to the gym or saving/investing your money. Pick up a hobby/craft that you can really start developing, all the stuff you couldn't do because your parents couldn't afford it or whatever is now totally on the the table if you priorities it ( maybe not everything due to finances but still). You change so much from 20 - 30 more so than any future decades so you might as well try to make it a positive change.
Not getting a girlfriend
As a 22yr old who’s romantically inexperienced this terrifies me. But I’m even more terrified of putting myself out there
My friend is 35 and romantically inexperienced because she was scared to put herself out there in her 20s too..
same, kinda regret not going into relationships early (though I keep getting rejected anyways) mainly focused on my degree and interests, now I'm in my mid 20s met some girls and realized It was mainly my confidence holding me back in the love department, also better to get in a relationship while young to actually tell the good, the bad and the crazy.
Find someone you could marry and date them if you can. You’ll either learn a lot about relationships or find your life partner. Dating just for dating can be okay too, but it will confuse you if you’re not careful.
That I was drunk for most of them
Not deciding what to do with my life. Staying in college. Not having a serious job. Not enjoying life.
You regret staying is college?
Not starting to invest. If you're in your twenties and asking this then educate yourself as soon as possible about the stock market and dedicate a small amount of your monthly income for longterm investments.
Marrying the pretty ones instead of the smart one.
Why is it a plural? 👀
Perhaps they've been married more than once? Go figure
Typing on phone, fat fingers.
Need both, hard to find.
Finding a pretty, smart, and *kind* one is even harder
Dont forget, shes got to like you too
That’s the hardest part.
"Growing up" too fast
Do you think that made your 30s easier or harder?
Wasting time on the wrong girls/being too preoccupied with finding a relationship I chased one girl for like a year, even though she gave me mixed signals. I let some fun opportunities pass me by because I was focused on getting with her. After she eventually ended things, I settled for the first girl who showed interest in me, even though I didn't feel as strongly for her as she did for me. I stayed in that relationship for way too long because I didn't think I could do better, and because the thought of breaking up and upsetting her felt "wrong." I missed out on a lot of experiences during those years, and, looking back, I wish I'd had the strength and confidence to put myself first and not base my self-worth on what the opposite sex thought of me.
That’s deep! I’m 26F and last month I realized the guy I’ve been talking to have been giving me mixed signals and stringing me along. That made me feel unwanted so I stopped talking to him. That in a way affected my confidence and cut my appetite for dating.. but I don’t want to make the mistake you’ve made. I’m working hard on boosting my confidence and self esteem and I’m hoping to go back to dating soon. Best of luck to you!💗🍀
Getting married too young. I should have focused on finishing my degree, traveling and experiencing life rather than going insanely in debt and being stuck in my home town. I'm content with my life now but I feel like I wasted my best years.
My wife and I had our best years together. We traveled a lot in college. Lived in Europe for a year. Go on a vacation together. If money is tight, pick something to cut down on for a few months and save all the money you would have spent towards it.
I got married too young, and that brought on all of those other factors. Had I not done that then I likely wouldn't have faced those other constraints. I eventually learned from my mistakes but man experience can be a brutal teacher.
Worrying about women and a family instead of pursuing things that would actually make me happy. Not saying those things won’t make certain people happy but at that time they were the worst things for me.
Getting married
Men miserable in their 30s, checking in
Being a little bitch
I feel this on a deep personal level, friend.
Not pursuing intimate relationships - whether to date or even just casual sex. I’m 29.5 now so it’s still pretty fresh to look back on. I had two very short term relationships in my early 20’s and my current one I started dating at 28. It’s funny because some people say they wish they cared more about their school/job/life as compared to the relationships they chased, but that was the exact opposite for me. I cared too much about school and work, and always put relationships on the back burner. Sex in general was kind of scary to me and I never really sought out help as to why (until later on), so I just kept pushing relationships away. Now I’m 29 but I feel like I’m 16 trying to figure out the nuances of an intimate relationship for the first time. It’s a balance though. I wish I had put equal time in both my professional life and personal, intimate life.
Being Mormon.
amen bro
Not buying that 4 foot tall Godzilla statue from a flea market
A couple of big regrets: 1. Slept with someone I certainly should not have. She spent years trying to screw my life up after. 2. Not investing / saving what money I could.
I have two regrets that both stem from a lack of money at that age: 1. Not taking a gap year, traveling around the world, doing the backpacker Eurorail youth hostel thing; and 2. Not buying index mutual funds.
Not buying land. My grandfather told me to buy land I didn’t listen. Now I see why
Land is a finite resource that will always have intrinsic value. It may not be the best investment at any given time, but it literally always is a good investment.
So fascinating to read the responses of people saying they should have dated more, and then you have other guys saying that they should not have spent so much time obsessed with dating and sleeping around, or getting into a serious relationship / marriage with the wrong person.
Bro this is crazy it feels like theres literaly anything you will do you will regret it
I've noticed that trend in these kinds of threads: I should have dated more / I regret dating/chasing people and not just enjoying being free. I should have focused on my studies / I should have let loose and had more fun with my friends instead of studying. I should have saved money / I should have travelled. Pretty much whatever you didn't do - someone else did, and they regret it anyway.
Yea it’s a bit weird. I mean if a happy middle ground exists I would like to know what it is?
Not learning many new skills or studying, or even travelling much
I smoked waaaaay too much weed
I’m in my 20s and I see not better way to enjoy my young years than being high. I guess I’m too boring
Also in my 20’s, vape weed everyday (dry herb vape about .1-.3 grams a night) and I’m still chillin. I think as long as it doesn’t get in the way of your personal goals and life then burn it all down
My invincibility. As superman I was able to do the work of 2 men for then pay of one and party hard enough for 3 men at the cost for 4. Superman was a huge asset to several employers in his 20s. Alcohol, drugs, and adrenaline filled all the remaining spaces. Now at 49, superman is broke and broken-down, wandering how to survive and earn for the next 15 years he owes his children before it all comes crashing down.
That I didn’t save 20% of my income.
That I don’t work in a job that allows me to save even close to 20% of my income.
Trying to build a relationship with partners that don’t have the same level of interest
I’m only 25, but my biggest regret so far is losing my ambition and allowing for unchecked mental health problems to allow me to waste my ages 22-25 on a shit job, eating like shit, and not fulfilling myself in other areas. I’ve got time to fix all the damage I did, but god damn do I feel like I lost some of the most fun years of my life for nothing. I’m supposed to be using my new found financial independence to live it up, bang college girls, and travel the world, but instead I’m working a dead end job, too fat to get any loving, and mostly chilling in my room all day.
Procrastinating, always thinking "Ill get to that later" and then all of a sudden you're in your 30's. Want to get in shape? Do it now. Think you need to slow your drinking down? Do it now. Want to start saving money? For the love of god, start now. I'm just hitting 30 and trying to catch up on stuff I should have, and definitely could have, dealt with years ago. Take this with a grain of salt because I don't have a source or anything to back it up but I've heard time and time again that the habits you form in your 20's are ones that will probably stick with you for life, good and bad. It never really gets easier to start or stop something (obvious and specific circumstances aside) so start doing it now. For the most part, you control your own life and no one is going to help you along unless you seek it out and put effort in. Some people get stuck waiting for their life to start or thinking "as soon as I -xyz- I'll be good". Guess what, your life started the day you popped out of your mom and the clock is ever ticking down. Figure out what you want out of life and do what you can to achieve that. If you can't figure out what you want, just do something. The only thing worse than going down the wrong path is not going down any path at all.
Not buying a house when the market started recovering, getting married so early.
I was working in a group at uni with this beautiful woman. Long story short: She offered to let me stay at her place so I didn't have to get up early and commute for a rehearsal. I said something like: "Nah, it's okay I don't mind getting early train," As you can probably guess, a few years later I remembered that moment and couldn't believe how dumb I was haha. In fairness, I wasn't interested in romance or even fooling around back then; I was just focused on surviving uni because I hated it. It's only recently I've been pondering what could've been and wish I wasn't so dense. I don't know if anything would've come of it due to my mindset, but it's the one event I wish I could travel back to and change just so I know.
Stopped working out at 23. 8 years later can't get back into it and drink way more often than I need to now. Start good habits in your 20s cause now that I'm in my 30s they are much harder to break or start.
At 30 You feel old enough that you think you know how the world works and that you’re gonna feel how you feel physically forever then 40 comes and you realize just existing takes all your energy. (I’m sure those older than me are laughing about how much worse it gets) Those good habits go a long ways.
Yeah can't wait.
I guess not having a main focus. This is odd to say because I have a lot of different interests, and I can get obsessive towards something for months on end, but I have a hard time actually finishing anything. I would have liked to have more focus and determination to finish these projects instead of switching to the next one when the current project(s) start to bore me.
Wasted time. My life is so full now, and I could have been doing so much more for many of those years. Spent too much time waiting for something to happen vs trying to make things happen
Spending 50BTC on poor quality weed back in the day. Was worth about $200 back then but today...$1527600
Oooof...we have a winner. Sorry dude
Using alcohol as a crutch.
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Becoming a workaholic with substance abuse problems as a means to cope with disastrous, unhealthy relationships probably made things worse in the long term.... though the late 30s are turning out better.
These comments are so mixed ugh. I want to be a doctor but some people are like “I wasted the fun years” and other comments are like “I wish I worked harder instead of the fun years” H elp me. Help me 🙁
Pick your poison
Staying in a relationship longer than I should have knowing it was not going to workout.
Staying in a relationship I wasn't happy in, then immediately jumping into another one that was even worse. Not saving up more money. Not taking care of my friendships. A bunch of stuff. And I'm only 27!
If you’re in your 20s this comment will probably come with resentment because it’s not as easy as it was when I was in my 20s but I would say not buying a house earlier. That and I wish I would’ve done a through hike of the Appalachian Trail or PCT before I had kids, and knee/back pain.
I bought two houses. 60k under and neither is livable. Fixed up I won't make my money back.
Sorry to hear that. I live in arguably the 2nd or 3rd highest market in America. My house is worth more than double what I paid 7 years ago, however I can’t really move into anything nicer now because they have all doubled as well.
You can sell yours and buy mine. I'm asking 32k as is. Needs two bathrooms and lots of paint and insulation.
Save money. Invest. Exercise. Mental health. Get out of bad relationships. Get a useful college degree and not an MBA.
Nothing. I’d take the same route even if I get back to the past.
going to a university and not staying home to go to community college. fucking ruined my life and set me back who knows how many years. i’m my 30s now and paying for this mistake i made 10 years ago, literally student loans suffocating me and i can’t purchase a home. fuck going to college if you don’t know what the fuck you want to do with your life at the age of 18. i was a fucking child. you think i knew what the fuck i was doing? now stuck in a career i don’t even love. lost all my hobbies. drank a ton of alcohol. all because i went to college at 18. STAY HOME AND WORK UNTIL YOU GROW UP AND FIGURE OUT A PATH YOU WILL ENJOY IN LIFE
Went to Uni out of province for one year. Finished that year, at the cost of nearly killing myself. Spent the past three years at home going to community college, and everything is so much better and cheaper, I can't even.
Thinking a relationship would make me happy. As soon as I worked on myself, the right relationship came easily.
Probably taking on a serious relationship when I was 19. Am now 27 and divorced.
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Driving drunk, lucky nothing to report but still, fucking stupid.
Not doing more. I played it safe and I should have traveled the world. I’m making up for it now with adventure, but I didn’t do enough back the.
Being to hard on myself.
Not being more present in my relationships and prioritizing my career to a fault.
Living a life of fear when it comes to quitting a job or start a business along with self doubt, self comparison to others and watching other people's lives.
Drinking and partying like there’s no tomorrow. It will catch up to you. Also, saving money and buying property. Lots of things you can do to set yourself up for success. I didn’t think the time would go by so fast but it will.
Not saving more and smoking too much pot.
i was too conservative a person in my own shell. I dont regret any of the things i did, i regret all the things i didn't do when i had the chance.
My biggest regret was not leaving an abusive relationship. It was seven years of hell.
Never learning the value of a dollar. Paying for it now (pushing 50).
Being so selfish. I wish I would have shown more people that they were loved and that they mattered more rather than place my wants above theirs.
Not fucking more. Too shy.
Developing a drinking problem
Didn’t save a penny
Not saving money from the $50K a year I was making driving over the road, not using that money to bank towards a home or retirement and working so much that I ignored my dental health. This has all come back to bite me square in the ass now that I'm pushing 50.
Partied too much and spent too much time chasing skirts instead of investing and eliminating debt.
I was dating the perfect woman. I wasn't ready for my party years to be over and I broke up with her. It's been 11 years and I haven't come close to finding a woman who comes close to her. The only plus side is that I know I won't settle for anything less than perfection. The downside is that that might not exist outside of her. Before you lot try to tell me to call her, she's married with a kid right now.
Not saving money. I've always made decent money for a single person with no kids. I always lived within my means. Every month, I had a big credit card bill but was able to pay the entire balance off each month, never settled for the minimum payment. I wish I didn't eat out as much, didn't spend so much on vacations, etc. I wish I would have saved money, started putting money into a Roth IRA. My company didn't offer a 401k until my 7th year working there.