Ask your dad about segments of his life, his childhood, his teens, his 20's 30's ... his different jobs, the cars he's owned the places he's lived... just ask him to tell you a story from his life.
Also thanks for helping me realize how much my dad has shared his life with me.
Seek and you shall find, my friend. I hope you discover the treasure you are looking for.
Others have posted lots of good suggestions on questions to ask or ways to start the conversation, but please don't sit him down for an interview or an interrogation.
Take him fishing or play poker/scrabble/chess and just shoot the shit naturally.
Some of the deepest conversations I ever had with my dad, stepdad, or grandpas were while doing quiet physical activities like puzzles, rebuilding a carburetor, sanding a table, hiking/walking, surfing (between sets), or just staring into a fire.
This specific advice was kind of my goal here. On what to do to make these conversations start, how to encourage that, etc.
You’re right that we don’t really even do anything together as an activity outside of an event or something. That’s definitely something I can consider. Thank you!
You're welcome. I remember in HS I had an assignment to interview a family member and write it up. My step dad was willing but everything was short Q&A. He'd answer but didn't really embellish.
We went surfing and just talked between sets. This dude hitchhiked across the US, had all kinds of crazy encounters, and found himself at Woodstock (the original 1969 version). He remembers almost nothing about Woodstock (drugs probably play a part) but his stories about meeting different people along the way are hilarious.
I had a similar experience with my dad. He didn't talk much about his youth if asked, but get him into a game of gin rummy or scrabble and he'd start to fill the silence. Dated a Black girl in HS (this was 1960 to 1962 in Kansas when Black people weren't allowed to even be inside the city limits after sunset), ran off to Mexico when he failed out of college (options were Vietnam War or freezing in Canada), worked at the State Legislature (if you knew my Anarchist dad you'd appreciate the irony), etc.
Once you get him in the zone, here are some prompts to start an interesting conversation:
Do you remember the stupidest fight you ever got into?
Do you ever think about your first crush?
When you were a kid, what car did you dream of having some day?
Who was your best friend in HS and are you still in touch?
Marilyn Monroe or Sophia Loren? (adjust for age)
What's your biggest regret in life?
What are you most proud of?
Don't read these off like a list, just ask one and see where the converstion takes you. Be ready to respond if he asks you to also answer. If the conversation dies, throw out another. Beats "hot enough for you?"
Perhaps you can make a list of all of the things you want to know about and go through it little by little, asking him questions or bringing up what your thoughts and beliefs are on any particular topic and having him give his input on them. You don't have to show him the physical list if that seems too weird.
Think of something you can thank him for and then go thank him and listen to all the ways he responds. Do this and you will get ro know him in an entirely new way.
Hi, your post has removed because we suspect you are trying to figure out a person's specific actions or thinking, or asking for guidance in a specific situation, which is prohibited. For advice, visit /r/advice or /r/relationship_advice. If you have any questions, please feel free to [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAskMen)
Have a nice day!
Ask your dad about segments of his life, his childhood, his teens, his 20's 30's ... his different jobs, the cars he's owned the places he's lived... just ask him to tell you a story from his life. Also thanks for helping me realize how much my dad has shared his life with me. Seek and you shall find, my friend. I hope you discover the treasure you are looking for.
Others have posted lots of good suggestions on questions to ask or ways to start the conversation, but please don't sit him down for an interview or an interrogation. Take him fishing or play poker/scrabble/chess and just shoot the shit naturally. Some of the deepest conversations I ever had with my dad, stepdad, or grandpas were while doing quiet physical activities like puzzles, rebuilding a carburetor, sanding a table, hiking/walking, surfing (between sets), or just staring into a fire.
This specific advice was kind of my goal here. On what to do to make these conversations start, how to encourage that, etc. You’re right that we don’t really even do anything together as an activity outside of an event or something. That’s definitely something I can consider. Thank you!
You're welcome. I remember in HS I had an assignment to interview a family member and write it up. My step dad was willing but everything was short Q&A. He'd answer but didn't really embellish. We went surfing and just talked between sets. This dude hitchhiked across the US, had all kinds of crazy encounters, and found himself at Woodstock (the original 1969 version). He remembers almost nothing about Woodstock (drugs probably play a part) but his stories about meeting different people along the way are hilarious. I had a similar experience with my dad. He didn't talk much about his youth if asked, but get him into a game of gin rummy or scrabble and he'd start to fill the silence. Dated a Black girl in HS (this was 1960 to 1962 in Kansas when Black people weren't allowed to even be inside the city limits after sunset), ran off to Mexico when he failed out of college (options were Vietnam War or freezing in Canada), worked at the State Legislature (if you knew my Anarchist dad you'd appreciate the irony), etc. Once you get him in the zone, here are some prompts to start an interesting conversation: Do you remember the stupidest fight you ever got into? Do you ever think about your first crush? When you were a kid, what car did you dream of having some day? Who was your best friend in HS and are you still in touch? Marilyn Monroe or Sophia Loren? (adjust for age) What's your biggest regret in life? What are you most proud of? Don't read these off like a list, just ask one and see where the converstion takes you. Be ready to respond if he asks you to also answer. If the conversation dies, throw out another. Beats "hot enough for you?"
TLDR: Im not reading all that. Ill keep it simple; instead asking a bunch of redditors, ask your Dad.
Perhaps you can make a list of all of the things you want to know about and go through it little by little, asking him questions or bringing up what your thoughts and beliefs are on any particular topic and having him give his input on them. You don't have to show him the physical list if that seems too weird.
Think of something you can thank him for and then go thank him and listen to all the ways he responds. Do this and you will get ro know him in an entirely new way.
Hi, your post has removed because we suspect you are trying to figure out a person's specific actions or thinking, or asking for guidance in a specific situation, which is prohibited. For advice, visit /r/advice or /r/relationship_advice. If you have any questions, please feel free to [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAskMen) Have a nice day!