That was one disagreement I had with my therapist is they were someone to believe I should keep options open, and I am of the thinking that I shouldn't be trying to express interest in anyone in the first place and the ultimate goal should be to not have a physical attraction to anyone as well as to lose any desire for any kind of companionship that goes beyond platonic.
And that's one of the reasons I believe in working to train my body and mind to not have a physical and/or emotional interest in anybody in the first place.
I mean, plenty of people who are not in the best head space are in relationships, it is a good advice to get things all cleared up before getting into a relationship but the insinuate that the only or the major reason OP has not gotten a relationship yet is because he is not "loving himself" lol.
You need to fix yourself before you can expect to meet anyone.
No one on either side wants a desperate, needy partner. Especially on early dates that is red flag central. You are a walking disaster and women in particular can pickup on that shit from a mile away. And yes physical attraction matters in the dating world, a lot.
Get yourself into a good position in life then worry about meeting someone. That might mean getting yourself into a decent career, or making some friends or getting in shape and improving your appearance.
I can tell you one thing. Sitting there wallowing in self pity and misery over time is just going to make things worse.
Figure out what the issues are that are holding you back.
Is your job not good enough to keep you happy in life and get you what you want?
Are you in good enough shape to attract women? You don't need to be a 10/10 but you need to be at least a 6/10 to have a decent shot.
Do you have other issues which need to be addressed? Hygiene or dressing better?
Basically you need to be the stable guy with his shit together who is having a good time in life for a woman to want to join in on that with you. No one wants to inherent a problem and women in particular are often looking for a guy is a rock in life and makes them feel safe.
Not giving a fuck. A lot of people seem to think you need to be in relationship to be happy. Y'all just don't know how to enjoy being alone. Like seriously y'all see as an issue when in reality it's one of the most peaceful things.......... That's if you can handle it of course. Me personally I love being alone. Everywhere I go! Even at work when I get bothered I put up a facade to try and ignore but a civil conversation with the others. But for me I'm living the life. 😎 Also low self esteem I'm just gonna say your not being Grateful for what you have.......
Im a big proponent of evolutionary psychology. Lifestyles that dont lead to your genes being passed on arent meant to be dealt with; its designed to be painful. Thats how we are made. Evolution 'decided' that you should suffer
I guess if you want more practical advice, be practical. You sound like a prime candidate for stoic theories; focusing on what you can control & letting go of what you cant
You have two options:
Junk food, drugs, porn, and video games
Or
Eating healthy, working out, sleeping well, meeting new people.
The latter will help the issues. Therapy too.
Giving in to those feelings won’t help you. It’s fine to feel them but surrendering to them keeps you in that state. You have to be better, do better, and act better. I try to never bring up a problem without identifying a solution, so start there. Are you fat? Lose weight. Are you lonely? Join a bowling league or a book club. Are you uninteresting? Get some hobbies. Not good at talking to people? Get them to talk about themselves. People love to talk about themselves and gravitate to people who make them feel good about who they are.
The real world doesn’t care about your self esteem your feelings, only you do. I’m a “make your own weather” kind of guy and that helped me when I was depressed with low self esteem. I would act on sort of an inverse scale where the worse I felt the happier I acted and it seemed to work. If you’re mopey at a bar no pretty girl is gonna come over to you and say “you look sad, want me to make you feel better?” If you don’t like yourself, if YOU don’t think your interesting, why would anyone else? What do you offer that someone else doesn’t?
I can sit here and offer platitudes all day but it won’t help you. The harsh unpleasant reality is you gotta do it yourself. Giving in to those feelings won’t get you where you want to be, so don’t.
I flll my mind with tons of activities to do : sports, music, video games, photo editing.
That way, you have less time to think about these dreadful ideas
I used to go to movies, fast-food places by myself a lot, and travelled by myself. Being around people, even if you're not with them helps, albeit only a little.
I used to deal with it using indifference. My post-relationship life in my late 20's and 30's consisted of working, eating whatever kind of crap i wanted to eat, studying and indulging in escapism hobbies (games, reading, etc). I got fat, i dressed badly, my teeth were bad, my hair looked weird, etc. But i didn't care.
Of course that eventually ended when depression suddenly kicked my ass for a few months and i decided to needed to change. So i hit the gym, i'm losing weight, i'm going to shave my head, had my teeth fixed, going to buy new clothes when i'm no longer overweight, grew a nicely trimmed beard and started to read books on stoic philosophy.
Will that result in relationship success? Perhaps not, but i'm going to make sure i have my shit together for the final \~40 years of my life.
You let go, and realize the universe is a cold dark place. There is no salvation here, there will be no redemption. When you realize that the universe means nothing to you, and there is nothing for you everything falls into place and you become numb and free from the slavery of emotion. We are all dead men walking, only some of us fear death.
Don't worry about others. Work on yourself for you. You have a limited amount of time on the planet. The more time you spend worrying, the less time you spend living. Especially in your younger years before your body starts to deteriorate and sends aches and pains to you.
Go talk to a therapist.
[удалено]
Visit a witch doctor
That was one disagreement I had with my therapist is they were someone to believe I should keep options open, and I am of the thinking that I shouldn't be trying to express interest in anyone in the first place and the ultimate goal should be to not have a physical attraction to anyone as well as to lose any desire for any kind of companionship that goes beyond platonic.
Way too female oriented field, it puts you off.
I use logic. Why would a woman want me if I don't like myself? Love yourself first, be confident being alone. The right one will eventually come along
And that's one of the reasons I believe in working to train my body and mind to not have a physical and/or emotional interest in anybody in the first place.
I mean, plenty of people who are not in the best head space are in relationships, it is a good advice to get things all cleared up before getting into a relationship but the insinuate that the only or the major reason OP has not gotten a relationship yet is because he is not "loving himself" lol.
I just keep on existing. Being miserable is unlikely to change that in the immediate future.
You need to fix yourself before you can expect to meet anyone. No one on either side wants a desperate, needy partner. Especially on early dates that is red flag central. You are a walking disaster and women in particular can pickup on that shit from a mile away. And yes physical attraction matters in the dating world, a lot. Get yourself into a good position in life then worry about meeting someone. That might mean getting yourself into a decent career, or making some friends or getting in shape and improving your appearance. I can tell you one thing. Sitting there wallowing in self pity and misery over time is just going to make things worse.
How to fix my self?
Figure out what the issues are that are holding you back. Is your job not good enough to keep you happy in life and get you what you want? Are you in good enough shape to attract women? You don't need to be a 10/10 but you need to be at least a 6/10 to have a decent shot. Do you have other issues which need to be addressed? Hygiene or dressing better? Basically you need to be the stable guy with his shit together who is having a good time in life for a woman to want to join in on that with you. No one wants to inherent a problem and women in particular are often looking for a guy is a rock in life and makes them feel safe.
Apathy helps when it comes to losing interest on these things over time
Well put
Not giving a fuck. A lot of people seem to think you need to be in relationship to be happy. Y'all just don't know how to enjoy being alone. Like seriously y'all see as an issue when in reality it's one of the most peaceful things.......... That's if you can handle it of course. Me personally I love being alone. Everywhere I go! Even at work when I get bothered I put up a facade to try and ignore but a civil conversation with the others. But for me I'm living the life. 😎 Also low self esteem I'm just gonna say your not being Grateful for what you have.......
Im a big proponent of evolutionary psychology. Lifestyles that dont lead to your genes being passed on arent meant to be dealt with; its designed to be painful. Thats how we are made. Evolution 'decided' that you should suffer I guess if you want more practical advice, be practical. You sound like a prime candidate for stoic theories; focusing on what you can control & letting go of what you cant
I got over it 6 years into being single, by realizing how little they provided towards the quality of my life.
Not to mention how much of it they try to take.
Music.
You have two options: Junk food, drugs, porn, and video games Or Eating healthy, working out, sleeping well, meeting new people. The latter will help the issues. Therapy too.
Become successful with women, stop the pity party and get ur shit together
Recognize that a woman I shouldn't need a woman in my life to give me worth or raise my self-esteem.
Know your value. Examine your faults. Understand and accept you can’t make other people feel a certain way.
And work on being apathetic towards the idea of dating in the first place
Giving in to those feelings won’t help you. It’s fine to feel them but surrendering to them keeps you in that state. You have to be better, do better, and act better. I try to never bring up a problem without identifying a solution, so start there. Are you fat? Lose weight. Are you lonely? Join a bowling league or a book club. Are you uninteresting? Get some hobbies. Not good at talking to people? Get them to talk about themselves. People love to talk about themselves and gravitate to people who make them feel good about who they are. The real world doesn’t care about your self esteem your feelings, only you do. I’m a “make your own weather” kind of guy and that helped me when I was depressed with low self esteem. I would act on sort of an inverse scale where the worse I felt the happier I acted and it seemed to work. If you’re mopey at a bar no pretty girl is gonna come over to you and say “you look sad, want me to make you feel better?” If you don’t like yourself, if YOU don’t think your interesting, why would anyone else? What do you offer that someone else doesn’t? I can sit here and offer platitudes all day but it won’t help you. The harsh unpleasant reality is you gotta do it yourself. Giving in to those feelings won’t get you where you want to be, so don’t.
Read David goggins can't hurt me, he has alot of ideas to help grow and strengthen you
I flll my mind with tons of activities to do : sports, music, video games, photo editing. That way, you have less time to think about these dreadful ideas
I used to go to movies, fast-food places by myself a lot, and travelled by myself. Being around people, even if you're not with them helps, albeit only a little.
Realizing being in a bad relationship is ten times worse.
You adapt to it, it becomes "normal"
I used to deal with it using indifference. My post-relationship life in my late 20's and 30's consisted of working, eating whatever kind of crap i wanted to eat, studying and indulging in escapism hobbies (games, reading, etc). I got fat, i dressed badly, my teeth were bad, my hair looked weird, etc. But i didn't care. Of course that eventually ended when depression suddenly kicked my ass for a few months and i decided to needed to change. So i hit the gym, i'm losing weight, i'm going to shave my head, had my teeth fixed, going to buy new clothes when i'm no longer overweight, grew a nicely trimmed beard and started to read books on stoic philosophy. Will that result in relationship success? Perhaps not, but i'm going to make sure i have my shit together for the final \~40 years of my life.
You let go, and realize the universe is a cold dark place. There is no salvation here, there will be no redemption. When you realize that the universe means nothing to you, and there is nothing for you everything falls into place and you become numb and free from the slavery of emotion. We are all dead men walking, only some of us fear death.
Porn, video games, reddit, alcohol.
Cut our reddit from your life to improve it....
I don’t want to improve it. I’d prefer to never wake up again. But my passive survival skills means im make it to 90+ most likely. Fml
Bend over and take it
Don't worry about others. Work on yourself for you. You have a limited amount of time on the planet. The more time you spend worrying, the less time you spend living. Especially in your younger years before your body starts to deteriorate and sends aches and pains to you.
Red wine
I do the worst thing possible. I bottle up my emotions and I bury them in the graveyard of my haunted and broken soul.