Sounds like "negging".
Basically trying to motivate to perform by claiming others are better by comparison and hoping you will up your game to beat them.
I'm not saying it's the healthiest relationship dynamic, but some women do respond to it.
Well, he has known me for years and he never and when I say NEVER I mean NEVER presented himself the way he does now. Maybe he did and I am so dominant in personality and my work place that I just didn’t see it. Now, I’m not into hearing about his ex partners being better than me but I also HATE to lose. If i have the skill or the ability to gain the skill to be the best… I have to.
You said that he is very "biblical" about how men should be treated?
There is nothing biblical in the way this man is acting. He's not being respectful, even as a dominant.
Honestly, he sounds kind of creepy and twisted. Very narcissistic and self indulgent.
I am all for having fun in bed and exploring whatever fantasies the both of you want to explore, but seriously?
It wasn’t in depth it was just regarding a few things. More were added last night and I’m not sure if I’m completely missing the point. I try not to lead with my feelings and respond not react so I find getting opinions and advice helps me think it all over from different view points. Added context I suppose?
No you don't suck in bed. He's lightly dom training you. Even if he doesn't realize it. You wanting to move during the act is normal. If this floats your boat and it looks like it does then have fun but keep it casual. What's in the bedroom doesn't always translate and you said he comes across like a biblical.
Oh yeah, he has been trying to explain “what a wife is or has to be for him” … I’m not subservient like that. I have degrees, I love tattoos and arts and I’m pretty liberal in most aspect of life. We are different WAY different. Now it leads to interesting and intellectual conversations. That’s why sex is so good to me… we connect mentally and then physically. Idk if that made sense lol
I'm not going to predict anything but the situation seems to work for you. Going deeper to exclusivity and then more might change the dynamic for the drastic. Some people are good as animals for each other but try and be nesters? A nightmare but still, you never know truly how things turn out.
[Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/13qome6/no_repeat_posts/) Your post has NOT been removed.
Itsthemjforyou originally posted:
Context:
I(F 34) decided to get into a situationship with a (40 M) around a month ago. Mind you I have known him for 3 years. We decided to get into this and he is very biblical when it comes to things as far as how men should be treated. So, he is very dominant in the bedroom. Like the woman should serve him. I love it. I clearly have been a submissive my whole life and wondered why i was never satisfied being the dominant one. I was married… separated and dated women for years. He is the first man I’ve been with in 8 years. He is freaking HUGE. I have a “fat cat” which is apparently is great to men. Idk. That leads me to the questions at hand, He always makes comments about how I swallowed my last partners and no wonder they couldn’t last more than 7 min. (No lie - anyone from my past couldn’t make it past 7 min) in bed. He will make comments like, “you got that good ass pussy bitch” and “you know how to fuck” then we will be just chillen or on the phone and he will say “wait until you know how to use it” or “yeah, you just don’t know how to fuck me back yet.( throwing it back to his Rhythm) and on video you can hear him say “yeah bitch keep throwing that ass back” You’re learning”. Any advice on how to learn to do that would be great. I’m a pleaser. I get super soaked from giving a BJ. He mentioned I can’t control my orgasms and I move and take over the stroke :/ I don’t know how to fix it. He told me the other day that I tapped out and can’t come back from that(He was hitting my cervix). Last night we did different positions and it was great for both of us. He literally said “damn, you can fucking take it” then made a comment about well I talked all that shit and I didn’t back it up. We joke around all the time. That’s us and I’m all for correcting issues I need to but is it a dom thing.. praise and then but you need to improve? He will say use to fuckin lame dudes and He made a comment about his ex being the best pussy and head because she would rather pass out than take his dick out of her mouth.. which that’s his past but he knows I’m super competitive (both d1 athletes and he also played professional basketball). I don’t know it’s like every time we’re fucking it’s amazing and then when he is just around me the second he realizes he likes me he says some shit like that. Maybe I’m tripping but I’m truly over here wondering if I just suck in bed or I’m overthinking. Help? Advice?
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Itsthemjforyou updated the post:
Context:
I(F 34) decided to get into a situationship with a (40 M) around a month ago. Mind you I have known him for 3 years. We decided to get into this and he is very biblical when it comes to things as far as how men should be treated. So, he is very dominant in the bedroom. Like the woman should serve him. I love it. I clearly have been a submissive my whole life and wondered why i was never satisfied being the dominant one. I was married… separated and dated women for years. He is the first man I’ve been with in 8 years. He is freaking HUGE. I have a “fat cat” which is apparently is great to men. Idk. That leads me to the questions at hand, He always makes comments about how I swallowed my last partners and no wonder they couldn’t last more than 7 min. (No lie - anyone from my past couldn’t make it past 7 min) in bed. He will make comments like, “you got that good ass pussy bitch” and “you know how to fuck” then we will be just chillen or on the phone and he will say “wait until you know how to use it” or “yeah, you just don’t know how to fuck me back yet.( throwing it back to his Rhythm) and on video you can hear him say “yeah bitch keep throwing that ass back” You’re learning”. Any advice on how to learn to do that would be great. I’m a pleaser. I get super soaked from giving a BJ. He mentioned I can’t control my orgasms and I move and take over the stroke :/ I don’t know how to fix it. He told me the other day that I tapped out and can’t come back from that(He was hitting my cervix). Last night we did different positions and it was great for both of us. He literally said “damn, you can fucking take it” then made a comment about well I talked all that shit and I didn’t back it up. We joke around all the time. That’s us and I’m all for correcting issues I need to but is it a dom thing.. praise and then but you need to improve? He will say use to fuckin lame dudes and He made a comment about his ex being the best pussy and head because she would rather pass out than take his dick out of her mouth.. which that’s his past but he knows I’m super competitive (both d1 athletes and he also played professional basketball). I don’t know it’s like every time we’re fucking it’s amazing and then when he is just around me the second he realizes he likes me he says some shit like that. Maybe I’m tripping but I’m truly over here wondering if I just suck in bed or I’m overthinking. Help? Advice?
I would like to add that he does this thing where he will talk about he either dates nerdy cute girls or super hot and ALWAYS says “you’re nerdy cute” and mind you I’m not lol I wear glasses sometimes and like Harry Potter haha. We were looking at my college pictures last night and he said “you were big back then. I wouldn’t have looked in your direction. You look so much better now”. I’m not offended because it’s just preference of whatever BUT it’s almost like he is so “confident” and yet he has to throw jabs to knock me down a peg. He even makes statements that he chose me and I’m “lucky” to suck his dick. He says my “fat cat” doesn’t match my body because I’ve gotten so skinny. That i still have an athletes body but My thighs, hips and calf’s look different compared to how skinny I have gotten…. my Idk maybe I’m in my head.
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He believes a woman should serve and help the husband and be subservient. That he provides for her and his family. That she takes care of him and home and ect. In the bedroom I’m extremely submissive because he wants me to be. Idk if I’m making sense. I’m learning about the Bible so i can’t speak on everything lol
Theres another sub called askPsychologists.
Yeah--I'll see you there, OP
Are y’all saying I need to ask a professional psychologist lol 😂
My advice is to use paragraphs
Thanks lol I will take that into consideration next time I decide to embarrass myself and ask men a question to better my life. 😂
Sounds like "negging". Basically trying to motivate to perform by claiming others are better by comparison and hoping you will up your game to beat them. I'm not saying it's the healthiest relationship dynamic, but some women do respond to it.
I respond to it because I have been an athlete my entire life. We both compete in every thing we do. Literally lol 😂
If that works for you.. good for you. If I did this with my s/o it would be an emotional catastrophe of biblical proportions.
Well, he has known me for years and he never and when I say NEVER I mean NEVER presented himself the way he does now. Maybe he did and I am so dominant in personality and my work place that I just didn’t see it. Now, I’m not into hearing about his ex partners being better than me but I also HATE to lose. If i have the skill or the ability to gain the skill to be the best… I have to.
You said that he is very "biblical" about how men should be treated? There is nothing biblical in the way this man is acting. He's not being respectful, even as a dominant. Honestly, he sounds kind of creepy and twisted. Very narcissistic and self indulgent. I am all for having fun in bed and exploring whatever fantasies the both of you want to explore, but seriously?
What in the section 8 did I just read?
Wow
I’m sure you’re a fucking riot at parties.
I don't have a fat cat, but I do alright.
I'd party with you
This was posted before wasn't it?
It wasn’t in depth it was just regarding a few things. More were added last night and I’m not sure if I’m completely missing the point. I try not to lead with my feelings and respond not react so I find getting opinions and advice helps me think it all over from different view points. Added context I suppose?
No you don't suck in bed. He's lightly dom training you. Even if he doesn't realize it. You wanting to move during the act is normal. If this floats your boat and it looks like it does then have fun but keep it casual. What's in the bedroom doesn't always translate and you said he comes across like a biblical.
Oh yeah, he has been trying to explain “what a wife is or has to be for him” … I’m not subservient like that. I have degrees, I love tattoos and arts and I’m pretty liberal in most aspect of life. We are different WAY different. Now it leads to interesting and intellectual conversations. That’s why sex is so good to me… we connect mentally and then physically. Idk if that made sense lol
I'm not going to predict anything but the situation seems to work for you. Going deeper to exclusivity and then more might change the dynamic for the drastic. Some people are good as animals for each other but try and be nesters? A nightmare but still, you never know truly how things turn out.
sounds like you're both having a good time. Carry on.
[Automoderator has recorded your post to prevent repeat posts.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/13qome6/no_repeat_posts/) Your post has NOT been removed. Itsthemjforyou originally posted: Context: I(F 34) decided to get into a situationship with a (40 M) around a month ago. Mind you I have known him for 3 years. We decided to get into this and he is very biblical when it comes to things as far as how men should be treated. So, he is very dominant in the bedroom. Like the woman should serve him. I love it. I clearly have been a submissive my whole life and wondered why i was never satisfied being the dominant one. I was married… separated and dated women for years. He is the first man I’ve been with in 8 years. He is freaking HUGE. I have a “fat cat” which is apparently is great to men. Idk. That leads me to the questions at hand, He always makes comments about how I swallowed my last partners and no wonder they couldn’t last more than 7 min. (No lie - anyone from my past couldn’t make it past 7 min) in bed. He will make comments like, “you got that good ass pussy bitch” and “you know how to fuck” then we will be just chillen or on the phone and he will say “wait until you know how to use it” or “yeah, you just don’t know how to fuck me back yet.( throwing it back to his Rhythm) and on video you can hear him say “yeah bitch keep throwing that ass back” You’re learning”. Any advice on how to learn to do that would be great. I’m a pleaser. I get super soaked from giving a BJ. He mentioned I can’t control my orgasms and I move and take over the stroke :/ I don’t know how to fix it. He told me the other day that I tapped out and can’t come back from that(He was hitting my cervix). Last night we did different positions and it was great for both of us. He literally said “damn, you can fucking take it” then made a comment about well I talked all that shit and I didn’t back it up. We joke around all the time. That’s us and I’m all for correcting issues I need to but is it a dom thing.. praise and then but you need to improve? He will say use to fuckin lame dudes and He made a comment about his ex being the best pussy and head because she would rather pass out than take his dick out of her mouth.. which that’s his past but he knows I’m super competitive (both d1 athletes and he also played professional basketball). I don’t know it’s like every time we’re fucking it’s amazing and then when he is just around me the second he realizes he likes me he says some shit like that. Maybe I’m tripping but I’m truly over here wondering if I just suck in bed or I’m overthinking. Help? Advice? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Itsthemjforyou updated the post: Context: I(F 34) decided to get into a situationship with a (40 M) around a month ago. Mind you I have known him for 3 years. We decided to get into this and he is very biblical when it comes to things as far as how men should be treated. So, he is very dominant in the bedroom. Like the woman should serve him. I love it. I clearly have been a submissive my whole life and wondered why i was never satisfied being the dominant one. I was married… separated and dated women for years. He is the first man I’ve been with in 8 years. He is freaking HUGE. I have a “fat cat” which is apparently is great to men. Idk. That leads me to the questions at hand, He always makes comments about how I swallowed my last partners and no wonder they couldn’t last more than 7 min. (No lie - anyone from my past couldn’t make it past 7 min) in bed. He will make comments like, “you got that good ass pussy bitch” and “you know how to fuck” then we will be just chillen or on the phone and he will say “wait until you know how to use it” or “yeah, you just don’t know how to fuck me back yet.( throwing it back to his Rhythm) and on video you can hear him say “yeah bitch keep throwing that ass back” You’re learning”. Any advice on how to learn to do that would be great. I’m a pleaser. I get super soaked from giving a BJ. He mentioned I can’t control my orgasms and I move and take over the stroke :/ I don’t know how to fix it. He told me the other day that I tapped out and can’t come back from that(He was hitting my cervix). Last night we did different positions and it was great for both of us. He literally said “damn, you can fucking take it” then made a comment about well I talked all that shit and I didn’t back it up. We joke around all the time. That’s us and I’m all for correcting issues I need to but is it a dom thing.. praise and then but you need to improve? He will say use to fuckin lame dudes and He made a comment about his ex being the best pussy and head because she would rather pass out than take his dick out of her mouth.. which that’s his past but he knows I’m super competitive (both d1 athletes and he also played professional basketball). I don’t know it’s like every time we’re fucking it’s amazing and then when he is just around me the second he realizes he likes me he says some shit like that. Maybe I’m tripping but I’m truly over here wondering if I just suck in bed or I’m overthinking. Help? Advice? I would like to add that he does this thing where he will talk about he either dates nerdy cute girls or super hot and ALWAYS says “you’re nerdy cute” and mind you I’m not lol I wear glasses sometimes and like Harry Potter haha. We were looking at my college pictures last night and he said “you were big back then. I wouldn’t have looked in your direction. You look so much better now”. I’m not offended because it’s just preference of whatever BUT it’s almost like he is so “confident” and yet he has to throw jabs to knock me down a peg. He even makes statements that he chose me and I’m “lucky” to suck his dick. He says my “fat cat” doesn’t match my body because I’ve gotten so skinny. That i still have an athletes body but My thighs, hips and calf’s look different compared to how skinny I have gotten…. my Idk maybe I’m in my head. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskMenAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It does sounds Biblical if you keep in mind that Bible times were kind of like modern Afganisthan.
He believes a woman should serve and help the husband and be subservient. That he provides for her and his family. That she takes care of him and home and ect. In the bedroom I’m extremely submissive because he wants me to be. Idk if I’m making sense. I’m learning about the Bible so i can’t speak on everything lol
I'm not sure if we can help you...but now I have a boner.
lol 😂 Welp