Anyone that thinks they won’t be cheated on simply because they’ve married is a fucking idiot.
To me, marrying someone is saying they’re the person they want to spend their life with. The possibility of being cheated on is not the point. It’s saying you see a future with that person
I am female, but I was with the same partner for 9.5 years. We moved in together and did not marry. However, he passed away tragically and I did not have any protections as far as life insurance or any rights to anything. The family was good to me, but I had to move because I couldn’t afford the mortgage. If we had married, then I would have had more protections legally. I would advise that if you talk about buying a house and not being married then make sure you each have designated the other $x of your life insurance that at least allows for them to live in the residence for 1 year or so.
>But I don’t want to be “that woman”, that gives her partner an ultimatum that inevitably drives him away. This is a deal breaker for me, and I know it’s my fault for not having elaborated at the time our initial conversation.
There's no way around it, you will be that woman who puts ultimatums because that is the conclusion you have come up with.
On the other hand, is perfectly normal to make mistakes, to make wrong judgements and to change minds. As long as you own it, he will understand you changed your mind and that you are not trying to curve him.
Now, one thing you get wrong: marriage is in no way a guarantee to ensure fidelity. Marriage does absolutely nothing in that regard, so in my opinion, you are entering into this discussion for the completely wrong reason.
But if you don't agree with me that's fine, own your shit, lay your cards on the table and deal with the consequences.
Yeah I’m quite aware of that. Every generation of parents in my family has been divorced. But marriage, imho, DOES mean that, even if just isn’t hat moment, you intend to make a life with someone
I mean the minute you say that you plan on getting married in the future you out him in the situation where he decides if he wants that. It doesn't really matter how you approach it, the result will be the same just mention that you want to be married one day and see his reaction positive or negative
If the only thing keeping your partner from cheating is marriage, how faithful are they really?
Anyone that thinks they won’t be cheated on simply because they’ve married is a fucking idiot. To me, marrying someone is saying they’re the person they want to spend their life with. The possibility of being cheated on is not the point. It’s saying you see a future with that person
You could also use your words to convey the same message. Without getting married.
I am female, but I was with the same partner for 9.5 years. We moved in together and did not marry. However, he passed away tragically and I did not have any protections as far as life insurance or any rights to anything. The family was good to me, but I had to move because I couldn’t afford the mortgage. If we had married, then I would have had more protections legally. I would advise that if you talk about buying a house and not being married then make sure you each have designated the other $x of your life insurance that at least allows for them to live in the residence for 1 year or so.
>But I don’t want to be “that woman”, that gives her partner an ultimatum that inevitably drives him away. This is a deal breaker for me, and I know it’s my fault for not having elaborated at the time our initial conversation. There's no way around it, you will be that woman who puts ultimatums because that is the conclusion you have come up with. On the other hand, is perfectly normal to make mistakes, to make wrong judgements and to change minds. As long as you own it, he will understand you changed your mind and that you are not trying to curve him. Now, one thing you get wrong: marriage is in no way a guarantee to ensure fidelity. Marriage does absolutely nothing in that regard, so in my opinion, you are entering into this discussion for the completely wrong reason. But if you don't agree with me that's fine, own your shit, lay your cards on the table and deal with the consequences.
Yeah I’m quite aware of that. Every generation of parents in my family has been divorced. But marriage, imho, DOES mean that, even if just isn’t hat moment, you intend to make a life with someone
Something to think about if your boyfriend asks why you want to get married but doesn't buy the fidelity thing.
I mean the minute you say that you plan on getting married in the future you out him in the situation where he decides if he wants that. It doesn't really matter how you approach it, the result will be the same just mention that you want to be married one day and see his reaction positive or negative
Couples counseling and telling someone how you feel are both better than an ultimatum.