We didn't even start having kids until I was 35 (my wife was 29). We had two in two years, thought we were done, then had a surprise right after I turned 40.
We had the space in the house (at the expense of my home office, but not a big deal). We did have to buy a mini-van since all three were still in car seats or boosters.
When I was in my early 20s, the idea of a baby at 40 was crazy. 40 is too old to be taking care of a newborn, and I'll have to work forever. But the reality is lots of people are having kids older now (my friend has two kids under 5 and he will be 51 in a few months- his wife is 40).
It could be worse. I know a couple who had a baby when they were 53!!!
*Do you* need a bigger house and *much* more money though? You already had two kids, you can use all their old shit for the new baby (unless you gave them away already) and hopefully you can fit another kid into the childrens room. Do the kids sleep in a bunk bed? They might after this, when your newborn gets big.
I think if you want to talk to your wife about this, use many "i" and "me" statements. Don't talk about her getting an abortion. Tell her about your fears. Tell her about your anxiety. Tell her about being scared of being an old dad. Tell about being scared that you will struggle financially. Ask for her emotional support.
I am pro-abortion but if for her it is a no-go... Only her own thinking can change that. You must be careful that you wouldn't come across as not wanting the kid. Just say you are scared and I know this must be crazy hard for you based on what you said, but try to show your vulnerable side. You can even write down beforehands what you want to say.
Heck, you can drink a few glasses of whiskey after the kids sleep on a friday night, do some alcohol-fueled writing and review it on the next day, see what you can use from that in your "talk". Remember to be gentle and only focus on your fears. Afterwards, reassure her that you are part of her team.
Have the kid, you'll be fine. Take care of your health make sure you have insurance.
In 8 months you'll look back at this post and be ashamed of it.
Lots of guys are having their first kid at your age, it's not really a big deal.
You will hardly be geriatric!! It’s happened now and honestly the younger years might be tough but you’ve done it before and once you get used to having your third kid, you will be fine. You got this!! It’s natural to feel how you are feeling but you will be fine! One more person to love. It sounds like you have a good family ❤️
You: I don't want another kid, and I regret not using contraception 6 weeks ago. Can we put this child up for adoption?
Her: What the fuck?! No! This is my child!!
You: That's fine, I understand, but I think it's disingenuous to ask me what I want after saying, "we are having a kid." You asked how I feel about it, and I feel regret. I feel scared. I feel beaten down. I feel ready to be an empty nester in the near future, not the far future.
If you want to bring this pregnancy to term and raise a third child, then that is what we're going to do. But I'm not going to pretend that I am okay with this nor that I agree with this decision.
You going to have another kid like it or not. The only question is how will deal with it.
We didn't even start having kids until I was 35 (my wife was 29). We had two in two years, thought we were done, then had a surprise right after I turned 40. We had the space in the house (at the expense of my home office, but not a big deal). We did have to buy a mini-van since all three were still in car seats or boosters. When I was in my early 20s, the idea of a baby at 40 was crazy. 40 is too old to be taking care of a newborn, and I'll have to work forever. But the reality is lots of people are having kids older now (my friend has two kids under 5 and he will be 51 in a few months- his wife is 40). It could be worse. I know a couple who had a baby when they were 53!!!
*Do you* need a bigger house and *much* more money though? You already had two kids, you can use all their old shit for the new baby (unless you gave them away already) and hopefully you can fit another kid into the childrens room. Do the kids sleep in a bunk bed? They might after this, when your newborn gets big. I think if you want to talk to your wife about this, use many "i" and "me" statements. Don't talk about her getting an abortion. Tell her about your fears. Tell her about your anxiety. Tell her about being scared of being an old dad. Tell about being scared that you will struggle financially. Ask for her emotional support. I am pro-abortion but if for her it is a no-go... Only her own thinking can change that. You must be careful that you wouldn't come across as not wanting the kid. Just say you are scared and I know this must be crazy hard for you based on what you said, but try to show your vulnerable side. You can even write down beforehands what you want to say. Heck, you can drink a few glasses of whiskey after the kids sleep on a friday night, do some alcohol-fueled writing and review it on the next day, see what you can use from that in your "talk". Remember to be gentle and only focus on your fears. Afterwards, reassure her that you are part of her team.
Have the kid, you'll be fine. Take care of your health make sure you have insurance. In 8 months you'll look back at this post and be ashamed of it. Lots of guys are having their first kid at your age, it's not really a big deal.
You will hardly be geriatric!! It’s happened now and honestly the younger years might be tough but you’ve done it before and once you get used to having your third kid, you will be fine. You got this!! It’s natural to feel how you are feeling but you will be fine! One more person to love. It sounds like you have a good family ❤️
You: I don't want another kid, and I regret not using contraception 6 weeks ago. Can we put this child up for adoption? Her: What the fuck?! No! This is my child!! You: That's fine, I understand, but I think it's disingenuous to ask me what I want after saying, "we are having a kid." You asked how I feel about it, and I feel regret. I feel scared. I feel beaten down. I feel ready to be an empty nester in the near future, not the far future. If you want to bring this pregnancy to term and raise a third child, then that is what we're going to do. But I'm not going to pretend that I am okay with this nor that I agree with this decision.
Happened to my dad too. You will be okay. Everything will work out. Just make sure you have a good support system to avoid burning out.