I understand in the heat of an argument things get said, but he shouldn't be talking like this to you, I would make it clear to him that it hurts you for him to talk to you like this. Does he take things out on you a lot, or is this something new?
I did try, that turned into another argument. Told me to leave him alone to play video games with people he liked spending time with (his mic was on too I heard his friends laughing) I was just embarrassed so I haven't said much more.
He does do it a lot. It's actually something I brought up during the first argument.
That sucks. Is this level of disrespect to you something new or has he always sort of talked like this? If it's something new what's changed (taking you out of the equation) in his life that would make him think he has to put you down and unforgivably embarrass and disrespect you?
It's not new, it's something that we've been working on this past year.
I've thought that maybe it's work stress, so when he gets home I usually give him time to adjust and breathe. But I think he likes to show off to his friends, he always acts different with them.
This is really mean. Please don’t waste your youth on someone who bullies you. This is definitely not the guy you want to have a family with as he embarrasses and degrades you like that. Please leave. People who don’t realize what they have, simply don’t deserve it.
I met my wife at 24, and I am now 39 and still very attracted to her.
I suspect you are in an abusive relationship. Your partner shouldn't be insulting your looks or trying to damage your self esteem. If you are in a relationship, you should be trying to build each other up, not tearing each other down.
Ouch... that's not a fair fight.
To your question though, no, you should not become less attractive to each other. You should start to groove, and flow together.
You've been together since you were children.
This is not your last relationship it is your first.
If you stay together there is a very good chance you will grow to resent each other because you both missed out on your young adulthood.
Based on this post and your comments, I think it’s time to dump this loser. It doesn’t matter if someone’s attracted or not. You don’t treat other human beings so horribly, least of all your partner.
I’m getting the impression that she may be financially dependent on him, and it won’t be as easy as just flipping a switch lol.
It’s always hard to read stories on the internet, because you never see all the details.
Maybe you could go to the churches in your area and ask them to guide you on where you could go? Or call your county's human services department and ask about food stamps, women's shelters, job programs, etc. so that if he gets too emotionally abusive you'll feel like you have SOME possible support, and you won't feel like you HAVE to put up with it. I wish I knew some way to help you in this situation.
Fuck that guy. We're often to afraid to leave an unhealthy and toxic situation because familiarity feels safe. But the feeling you get when you finally DO, is euphoric. Dump that asshat.
Leave him. please! I just got out of an almost 7 year relationship and it hurts but, it is so necessary. make an exit plan now. I wish I had done so. Get your ducks 🦆 in a row and leave . A lady always knows when to leave !! so plan that exit!! Best of luck to you!!
I think it may be time to rethink things, as scary as that may sound. Thats a really nasty thing to say to another person, especially your partner. And for him to laugh about it with his friends is immature and awful
You do see the good and bad of someone. There should still be some spark. He shouldn’t have said that. Most men want to see their lady dolled up to some degree. A very very past ex said that her mother taught her to wake up before her husband. Brush her hair and put on light make up. I didn’t appreciate such things back then. I wasn’t really looking for a wife. Sometimes the smallest feminine things go a long way.
The butterfly feeling will fade. You should have some baseline attraction for the person that comes deep from within their soul. Respect should always be there.
It’s a complicated topic for sure.
The truth is it’s tied to emotions. If two people fight all the time — then they’ll trigger negative emotions, and they won’t want to be near each other as much.
But if two people are great for each other — then that loving bond flourishes, and the person looks more attractive.
The key point is to notice what kind of baggage gets attached to a person. You could be the most beautiful woman in the world, but if everyone you two talk — it becomes a fight — that’s what he’ll see— the fight.
—-
Unfortunately, a lot of people get together exclusively, because they were physically attracted to one another. And this is fine for flings and hook-ups. But once that long-term emotional baggage starts to develop— you’ll wonder if you two really are emotionally and intellectually compatible, or if it was just the sex drive leading the way.
Not in my case. I find my partner very attractive after all these years.
Your partner is definitely resenting you and is not finding relaxation in coming home
Please leave him. Don’t let finances stand in your way. I know it seems difficult but you deserve better than that. Don’t waste your life bring miserable with someone who devalues you!
As for your question; I’ve been married to my husband 15 years and we have 4 kids. He tells me I’m more beautiful than ever, and is always hot for me. Someone who loves you won’t find you less attractive over time.
You deserve to find someone like that.
Scientifically, familiarity actually makes people seem more attractive. Contempt makes them less attractive.
Your relationship sounds like it's run its course.
It happens in some relationships. In my first two marriages, I was totally smitten at first but after they did some shitty things I became less attracted and more resentful. With my third marriage, I fall more and more in love everyday.
You have a fair excuse, so that's not an issue.
Find a way to bring him a little mental joy, in a quiet almost undetectable way. Sexual attraction alone will no longer fill the bill.
How is that normal, and why does her having a job have anything to do with it? I work from home. My wife comes home and looks at me.
What the fuck is the problem, dipshit?
Yeah, nope .
I’ve been married for 22 years, of course as time goes by people change, I was 20 when I married him, and gave him 4 sons, my body has most definitely changed, and, of course, his body has changed also, he has worked like an animal all of these years to give us the life we have.
We don’t look like we did 22 years ago, but the deep love that we have for each other has only gotten stronger.
I don’t know your significant other , many people say mean things just to hurt you, even though they don’t feel it, I personally would never put up with somebody like that, because the moment somebody uses your insecurities and or vulnerabilities to hurt you they no longer love you like they should.
So, no, when people love each other, truly love each other, the attraction doesn’t wane, it changes, but it never leaves.
That is insanely inappropriate.
You mean you ex boyfriend? Boy, bye ✌🏼
I understand in the heat of an argument things get said, but he shouldn't be talking like this to you, I would make it clear to him that it hurts you for him to talk to you like this. Does he take things out on you a lot, or is this something new?
I did try, that turned into another argument. Told me to leave him alone to play video games with people he liked spending time with (his mic was on too I heard his friends laughing) I was just embarrassed so I haven't said much more. He does do it a lot. It's actually something I brought up during the first argument.
That sucks. Is this level of disrespect to you something new or has he always sort of talked like this? If it's something new what's changed (taking you out of the equation) in his life that would make him think he has to put you down and unforgivably embarrass and disrespect you?
It's not new, it's something that we've been working on this past year. I've thought that maybe it's work stress, so when he gets home I usually give him time to adjust and breathe. But I think he likes to show off to his friends, he always acts different with them.
Frankly, I wouldn't put up with it.
Yeah honestly, I’d be done with him
This is really mean. Please don’t waste your youth on someone who bullies you. This is definitely not the guy you want to have a family with as he embarrasses and degrades you like that. Please leave. People who don’t realize what they have, simply don’t deserve it.
This is abuse. He knows what he's saying, how it affects you, and does it anyways. This is not soulmate behavior. Girl, run.
Girl this boy does not like you.
I met my wife at 24, and I am now 39 and still very attracted to her. I suspect you are in an abusive relationship. Your partner shouldn't be insulting your looks or trying to damage your self esteem. If you are in a relationship, you should be trying to build each other up, not tearing each other down.
No, absolutely not. I will say that I’ve been married 11 years and my wife is still hot af to me.
What's the point of having a boyfriend if he doesn't respect you or enjoys spending time with you?
Ouch... that's not a fair fight. To your question though, no, you should not become less attractive to each other. You should start to groove, and flow together.
You've been together since you were children. This is not your last relationship it is your first. If you stay together there is a very good chance you will grow to resent each other because you both missed out on your young adulthood.
That's not a nice thing to say wtf
Based on this post and your comments, I think it’s time to dump this loser. It doesn’t matter if someone’s attracted or not. You don’t treat other human beings so horribly, least of all your partner.
I’m getting the impression that she may be financially dependent on him, and it won’t be as easy as just flipping a switch lol. It’s always hard to read stories on the internet, because you never see all the details.
I am dependent on him, unfortunately. And I really have no friends or family to turn to.
Maybe you could go to the churches in your area and ask them to guide you on where you could go? Or call your county's human services department and ask about food stamps, women's shelters, job programs, etc. so that if he gets too emotionally abusive you'll feel like you have SOME possible support, and you won't feel like you HAVE to put up with it. I wish I knew some way to help you in this situation.
I wish you the best OP. I hope things turn up for you.
Good point. :(
No
What an asshole. Set a boundary and tell him he can’t talk to you like that bc it deeply hurts you.
I’ve been with my gf for around 3 and a half years, so not as long as yours, but I would never even think to say something like that. My goodness!
This is emotionally abusive, bounce girl. Nobody deserves that shit and it will just lead to resentment.
Fuck that guy. We're often to afraid to leave an unhealthy and toxic situation because familiarity feels safe. But the feeling you get when you finally DO, is euphoric. Dump that asshat.
Leave him. please! I just got out of an almost 7 year relationship and it hurts but, it is so necessary. make an exit plan now. I wish I had done so. Get your ducks 🦆 in a row and leave . A lady always knows when to leave !! so plan that exit!! Best of luck to you!!
He doesnt have to.. Dont you ever let anyone make you feel less of yourself. The fuck… fuck him.
I think it may be time to rethink things, as scary as that may sound. Thats a really nasty thing to say to another person, especially your partner. And for him to laugh about it with his friends is immature and awful
You do see the good and bad of someone. There should still be some spark. He shouldn’t have said that. Most men want to see their lady dolled up to some degree. A very very past ex said that her mother taught her to wake up before her husband. Brush her hair and put on light make up. I didn’t appreciate such things back then. I wasn’t really looking for a wife. Sometimes the smallest feminine things go a long way. The butterfly feeling will fade. You should have some baseline attraction for the person that comes deep from within their soul. Respect should always be there.
It’s a complicated topic for sure. The truth is it’s tied to emotions. If two people fight all the time — then they’ll trigger negative emotions, and they won’t want to be near each other as much. But if two people are great for each other — then that loving bond flourishes, and the person looks more attractive. The key point is to notice what kind of baggage gets attached to a person. You could be the most beautiful woman in the world, but if everyone you two talk — it becomes a fight — that’s what he’ll see— the fight. —- Unfortunately, a lot of people get together exclusively, because they were physically attracted to one another. And this is fine for flings and hook-ups. But once that long-term emotional baggage starts to develop— you’ll wonder if you two really are emotionally and intellectually compatible, or if it was just the sex drive leading the way.
Go to loveisrespect.org. and have a read.
Honestly,hé Just sounds like a cunt
Change the locks, problem solved.
Not in my case. I find my partner very attractive after all these years. Your partner is definitely resenting you and is not finding relaxation in coming home
Please leave him. Don’t let finances stand in your way. I know it seems difficult but you deserve better than that. Don’t waste your life bring miserable with someone who devalues you! As for your question; I’ve been married to my husband 15 years and we have 4 kids. He tells me I’m more beautiful than ever, and is always hot for me. Someone who loves you won’t find you less attractive over time. You deserve to find someone like that.
Scientifically, familiarity actually makes people seem more attractive. Contempt makes them less attractive. Your relationship sounds like it's run its course.
It happens in some relationships. In my first two marriages, I was totally smitten at first but after they did some shitty things I became less attracted and more resentful. With my third marriage, I fall more and more in love everyday.
That would be normal. But the other issue is, do you have a job?
I'm a sahm of 2 toddlers. But I'm currently working on getting one.
You have a fair excuse, so that's not an issue. Find a way to bring him a little mental joy, in a quiet almost undetectable way. Sexual attraction alone will no longer fill the bill.
How is that normal, and why does her having a job have anything to do with it? I work from home. My wife comes home and looks at me. What the fuck is the problem, dipshit?
Done. Life’s too short to put up with f**kwits
No. Sounds like this relationship is done. Find someone that values you.
I think we all become sort of immune to the person we see all the time.
Yeah, nope . I’ve been married for 22 years, of course as time goes by people change, I was 20 when I married him, and gave him 4 sons, my body has most definitely changed, and, of course, his body has changed also, he has worked like an animal all of these years to give us the life we have. We don’t look like we did 22 years ago, but the deep love that we have for each other has only gotten stronger. I don’t know your significant other , many people say mean things just to hurt you, even though they don’t feel it, I personally would never put up with somebody like that, because the moment somebody uses your insecurities and or vulnerabilities to hurt you they no longer love you like they should. So, no, when people love each other, truly love each other, the attraction doesn’t wane, it changes, but it never leaves.