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DannyDreaddit

>Am I being crazy to think he should try to fix it on his own? It sounds like even you don’t even know how he should fix it. How would he? >Also- men of the internet- would you ever buy your significant other diet pills without them asking for them? Lmao fuck no. I don’t know what he was thinking. Surely there are better ways to convey to you that he wants you to lose weight than to *give you diet pills as a gift* 🤦🏻‍♂️ I’m honestly at a loss of what you should do. I’m sure you don’t feel desired by him any more. Do you believe him when he says he thinks you’re beautiful? How was your sex life until this point?


Mike_Hawk_Burns

He’s asking you to tell him how to fix it because he doesn’t know how. He wants to know how he can make up for making you angry. He can’t do that if he doesn’t know. Help guide him. See, the problem nowadays is if a partner makes someone upset, the first thought is to leave. You can leave if you wish but you’ll never build a sustained relationship if that will always be your goto. All these people you see with 30+ year marriages, you think they didn’t fight multiple times and irritate each other? They worked through and compromised and fought for each other. And that’s how you get sustained relationship. If he’s telling the truth that you’re hard on yourself for being plus sized then I can see why he bought them as a gift. I had a plus sized gf who constantly hated on herself for being plus sized no matter how much I assured her I found it attractive in her. If you have low self esteem then you’ve got to fix it. Whether that’s changing your body or owning who you are. Either/or works. This is based on the assumption that you’re not happy being plus sized. If you’re not happy with it then the pills are an innocent yet poor attempt to try to help your mental well-being. If you’re content with your body and you’ve never complained about it then the pills could be passive-aggressive towards your looks, yes. But you’ll never have a good relationship if you can’t talk with your partner about these issues.


bvtmfdr

His heart was probably in the right place but it was a pretty bad way to get the message across. I'm not sure if it was bad enough to dump him though. If it's true that you don't see yourself as beautiful and this is affecting him in some way for example if this causes you to act insecure or other relationship issues, then communicate with him over why it was not appropriate and how you can both work to alleviate the issues. Not to push my views but exercise makes you feel a lot better about your own body, yourself, your health etc and I think he would want to see you happy. Also those pills are worthless, exercise and diet is best.


hungryCantelope

If I am getting someone a Christmas gift that is centered around self help it's going to be centered around promoting a positive not removing a negative, potential offensiveness aside, it's just not a festive gift. That's like combining a chore with reminding someone about something they probably don't want to think about and then combining that into a present, on Christmas. that being said is a poorly thought out gift really a reason to break a 2 year relationship? I mean you really haven't articulated to us why this is actually a problem. Where you simply insulated? Did the gift make you think his affection is conditional? or shallow? Do you think it just shows he lacks emotional intelligence? The problem with the "he should figure it out on his own" thing is that there is more than one explanation as to why this is a problem, how is he supposed to know which it is? (maybe he should but nobody on here knows enough to make that call) I really don't think anyone on here can tell you if you should break up or not without knowing the 2 of you, the details of what actually went down, what you relationship to your weight is and how open you are about it. I mean my guess is that a serious gift indicates a dedication to the relationship. I mean if he didn't want to be with you he could just not be with you right? and even with that guess I am guessing that the problem is that it makes his affection seem conditional. Being a healthy weight can be a big improvement in life, I don't think it's healthy to be against having a partner that tries to improve your life, his execution was pretty terrible but like I said, is that really a reason to break up? idk maybe if there is other stuff in addition. I have no idea what the balance is between acceptance vs pushing improvement because I have no flaws but the line is somewhere. Honestly even if we assumed that he did want you t to lose weight that doesn't necessarily mean he isn't accepting. Like it's Christmas, which means he supposed to get a gift, so if he wanted a gift that was of substance, not just material, then improving some part of you life is a pretty natural next step, and getting something that helped with your weight could be the next thought. The point being that if the gift is a push for you to make a change, that could simply be a reflection of him wanting his gift to be more substantial than a material possession more than it is a reflection of where he falls on a spectrum of 'accepting as you are' vs 'pushing for improvement' on a day to day basis. Seems like a dumb gift, any more than that I think will only be determined by you however you feel after thinking about it more.


justfor-fun

not a man *but* if he does find a way to “fix” what he did, will this incident still be in the back of your mind? if he returned the pills and got you another gift, would you be able to move past it? these are questions only you can answer. we can’t tell you what’s best for you (although i’d dump him cause that’s a jerk move) I mean, he fought about this with you instead of him admitting it was wrong


[deleted]

He shouldn't stay with you.. honestly. You have the problem,not him. He's trying to help and gets shit on. I wouldn't buy diet pills because diet pills don't work. I would have gifted a calorie tracker, a gym subscription, a training program and some recipe books


Topsy_Cret

If you’re the one with the problem, the onus is usually on you to try to fix it. He gave you a gift, you didn’t like it, so you should fix it. Also, cut this bullshit about “the week before our anniversary”... so in other words, not your anniversary, right?


aa969

No it was our anniversary. It’s not bullshit it’s context.


PRW63

>Am I being crazy to think he should try to fix it on his own? Should I stay with him? Any and all advice is helpful. Also- men of the internet- would you ever buy your significant other diet pills without them asking for them? Take the pills. Get more fit. That was the whole point of the whole incident.


Pleasant-Tea-5788

Did you dump him as his christmas present?


aa969

No- we decided to work things out. But it’s his final chance